T&K's X-Mas Advent Calendar - Day 2: Three Wiser Men and a Boy

[Normally Toasty and I switch off days in opening(?) up our Advent Calendar and seeing what delicious or disappointing holiday surprises are bestowed, but Toasty got his own holiday surprise (the Soo Flu) and so I'm stepping in for Day 2 to give him time to recoup.]

2024, d. Terry Ingram - Hallmark Channel/W Network

The Draw: The sequel to the one of the greatest Hallmarkies ever, 2022's Three Wise Men and a Baby, which reunites the cast almost in its entirety, the writers (Paul Campbell and Kimberley Sustad are joined this year with Russell Hainline) and director, so, yeah, the must-watch Hallmarkie of the season.

HERstory:  Just like the last film, this does not have a female lead who goes from the big city to her perfect small hometown for reasons only to find more reasons to stay. Instead, it's Seattle and five years since we last saw the Brenner boys. 

Luke (Andrew Walker) is now chief of the fire hall, married to Sophie (Nicole Major), and an active father to Thomas, the baby from the last movie, now a real boy in Kindergarten. Luke has a lot on his plate and wants to keep doing everything -- at work, at home, with the family -- but has to learn to prioritize, delegate and let go, especially when Sophie leaves for a work thing and he's solo-Daddy-ing.

Stephan (Campbell) has found his self-confidence and written a book about it and in the process become something of an insufferable twat. Susie (Fiona Vroom) is worried she's losing the sensitive, lovable doof she was originally infatuated with, but also is annoyed he hasn't proposed. 

Taylor (Tyler Hynes), well, time has not been so kind. He's running his own gaming company but basically running it into the ground, operating it out of a cafe. He's getting evicted from his apartment. And he resorts to tricking his mom into letting him move back into the basement by suggesting all the boys stay in mom's house until Christmas as a gift for Mom.

Mom (aka Barbara, played by Margaret Colin), unbeknownst to the boys, has been moving on with her life, and introduces them to Pastor Roy, her boyfriend of six months. The boys don't take this news well, and Mom encourages Roy to try to connect with the boys, except they're all kind of standoffish dicks to him... but then again Roy just sort of does insinuate himself into practically everything. I see both sides.

Thomas has a Christmas pageant that Uncles Stephan and Taylor accidentally destroy all the sets and costumes for and cause the director and half the young cast to quit. The Brenner boys take it upon themselves to salvage the play (a hilariously off-brand Grinch Who Stole Christmas) with Luke directing, Stephan narrating and Taylor hitting on the music teacher, Caroline (Being Erica's Erin Karpluk).  Caroline, it turns out, is a female mirror to Taylor, and the two hit it off but also have the same hangups which leads to as much awkwardness as it does steamy goo-goo-eyed scenes.

Everything's all disasterous, all the time with the play and the boys personal lives, and their emotional well being. With the play, at least, they call in a ringer in former-bully-turned-buddy Mark LaClark (Matt Hamilton). He set's the play up with so much Christmas swag it sets the gym on fire.  Luke should have caught that.

In the end, it takes a heart-to-heart between the boys in the van to get their heads on straight, for Luke to realize that his number 1 job is being a dad and all the rest of it can suck it(?). Stephan reveals he's been faking his confidence and realizes that he was happier being a nervous wreck (and finally decided to propose to Susie). Taylor realizes that Caroline is both perfect for him but also the two of them together need to push each other to excel rather than push each other away, and then suck some serious face.

The play is a delightful disaster. They make up with Roy. Christmas is festive. The end.

The Formulae: Instead of being Hallmark formulae, instead this sequel plays with the formula of its predecessor, complete with needing a reason to bring the boys all together under one roof, having them bicker and argue and roughhouse as brothers do, giving them a project they have to accomplish (a play instead of a Christmas display), while dealing with their unresolved issues and also some feminine complications and mother-pleasing to do.

It's a very well-done retread, managing to feel rhythmically familiar without relying too much on the same gags as the previous films. Of course "the dance" makes an appearance again, but rather judiciously used (as opposed to feeling egregious).

Unformulae: We rewatched Three Wise Men and a Baby the day before this one premiered, and honestly I had forgotten how damn enjoyable that movie is. It's not a revolutionary comedy (I mean, it's totally ripping off...some movie whose name I can't recall) but the Campbell/Sustad script is so on point and the performances are so delightful, and the dynamics between the performers truly sells that these men are brothers.  That's all here again.  This, as a sequel, feels of a piece with the first one. It's a flat out comedy and had they sunk a few more million into the production it would feel theatrical-ready.   

True Calling? Let's be honest, the title is stupid. It could just be Three Wise Men and a Boy. The "Wiser" wasn't necessary, because, really, are they any wiser?  I guess they're making different mistakes than in the last movie, and growing as people. So okay, I concede, it's pretty dang close to true.

The Rewind: There's a lot of great, great moments in this (and a few dodgy ones) but the apex is probably the play, starting with the moment where Taylor "gifts" Stephan the role of "the Grump" who ruins Christmas, playing it off as acknowledgement that Stephan has grown in confidence and is ready for the role. Stephan feels touched by Taylor's gesture, and says "But I didn't learn the lines", to which Taylor replies gently, "Neither did I".  

The Regulars: Literally everyone's back except the people Taylor worked with in the last movie. I liked Ali Liebert a lot as Taylor's ex-Fiona (she's so cool), and it's disappointing that she's not back. But if the consolation prize is Erin Karpluk I am not going to complain in the slightest. She's fantastic! Where she could have easily just aped Hynes' vibe (easier said than done) she has her own mode that mirrors Hynes without copying him.

How does it Hallmark? It's top notch. I think it's a slightly lesser movie than its predecessor mostly because the "and a baby" had more narrative thrust than the "and a boy" part of the movie. The only part of both these movies that really doesn't work for me are the scenes with Luke at the fire hall. They're such unimportant scenes with next to no comedy. They're the scenes that feel most like Hallmarkie, in an otherwise non-Hallmarkie movie

How does it movie? It's a sequel. Like the last, it needed more budget to feel legit cinematic...instead it's still barely a notch above a regular Hallmark in quality. As well, I felt this had more plot holes or jankier Hallmarkie brush-past-it moments than its predecessor, which more often than not felt like budgetary or production constraint rather than a scripting issue. But overall, these movies bring out the best in these performers, and they're a joy to watch. I would happily take Three Wise Men and Another Baby. Or Three Wise Men and Three More Babies where Stephan, Taylor and Luke all have new babies and Thomas is feeling neglected.

How Does It Snow? Snow? I don't remember snow at all. It's Seattle. It rains.

T&K's X-Mas Advent Calendar - Day 1: Holiday Touchdown (A Chiefs Love Story)

2024, d. John Putch - Hallmark Channel/W Network 

The Draw: I find Tyler Hynes kind of irresistible and often makes the worst Hallmark dreck somewhat tolerable...maybe even enjoyable.  I also think Hunter King is real cute (not to be mistaken with our family friend of the same name, though he's cute too). Plus, I figured given the NFL crossover and the Swiftie fan base they were looking to draw into this that Hallmark would pull out all the stops, and maybe, just maybe, there might be something special (or at least interesting) about this

HERstory: The film opens with some decently manufactured super-8 home videos and doctored archival footage to tell the story of two families in the 1960s who became Kansas City Chiefs fans for life when they bought seasons tickets all next to each other. The families co-mingled to produce Alana (King), a Chiefs devotee who is primed to take over her family's Chiefs fan merch store.  

Meanwhile Derrick (Hynes, aka "DRKS") is new to KC, a recent hire in marketing for the Chiefs. The team is about to launch their "Fan of the Year" initiative, but DRKS boss sends him to Alana's grandparents' restaurant for some authentic KC BBQ. It's almost as if KC is a town of 2000 people and not an area population of 2 million, because Alana's grandmother (Christine Ebersole) and mother (Mary Elizabeth McDonough) both immediately see DRKS as total dating material for her.

He eventually meets the whole family, being brought to the family run Chiefs merch store, and is weirdly invited to help decorate their Chritmas tree in front of the store (in what was clearly mid-to-late spring). He and Alana connect if only because both Hynes and King are very charming, good looking people and it makes sense for them to act a goo-goo about each other, except Alana explains to DRKS their magic toque that helps the Chiefs get to the Superbowl every time it's worn. Okay, they're crazy fans. He mildly patronizes them and their silly superstition and they all turn on him and send him packing. Except...

The next day DRKS boss gives him Alana's family as possible fan-of-the-year contenders and he has to go back and ingratiate himself on the family. There's a whole lot of Chiefs and vaguely Christmas related bullshit which helps DRKS and Alana get closer (if only because the story needs them to). The family wins "Fan of the Year" and their toque story becomes the talk of fandom. This leads to a charity gift drive where the toque is stolen, and DRKS (who kind of pretended to believe in the "magic"in the wooing of Alana lets slip he thinks thinks the team will do just fine without superstition). Alana can't believe what she's hearing, on top of being distraught about the hat, suddenly DRKS is not the Chiefs man she wanted.

But a heartfelt talk with...someone... changes her mind and she goes to the big Christmas day game and makes a big pledge of affection and believing in different kinds of magic or some shit (I turned out), and DRKS to make up for the lost toque has put a toque under every fan's seat at the game as some romantic gesture to Alana I guess? And then the Santa returns the lost to Alana's grandpa (Ed Begley Jr.) and grampa then remembers it's the same Santa that gave him the toque all those decades ago in the first place.

Magic!

The Formulae: I dunno. Hallmark has gotten so far away from following their usual formulae that they're kind of no fun anymore in that regard.  I mean, I guess if you're playing "Hallmarkie Bingo" you would cross out the square for "wearing no winter gear besides a wool coat (unzipped) and then complaining how cold out it is (when it's obviously spring or summer)".  

There's giant Santa magic (because Santa in this is a giant).

Unformulae: This was so Christmas-lite that there wasn't even much talk about hot chocolate or a baking montage, and even the gingerbread house-making contest is completely jumped past. 

Instead of feeling festive it's like someone barfed ketchup and mustard all over a Hallmark movie.

True Calling? Uh, no. There's not a single touchdown seen in this movie. And as for the "love story", if it's certainly about how much Alana loves the Chiefs. Like, a ridiculous amount. An amount that should have turned DRKS off practically every time Alana brought them up, which was ALL THE TIME.  

The Rewind: I dunno. 

The Regulars: Hynes and King are the regulars here, with a stacked cast of non-regular ringers like Ebersole, Begley Jr., Diedrich Bader, Richard Riehle, and a bunch of KC Chiefs related cameos who made themselves obvious as cameos even though I had no idea who they were.

How does it Hallmark? Even for a Hallmark movie, this was dogshit. It was crass commercialization of brand cross-pollination that makes Mac and Me's McDonalds sponsorship look restrained in comparison (ooh, pulling out a Mac and Me reference). The thing we go to Hallmark for -- familiarity and romance -- are so absent here. Even if you're a die-hard football fan, even if you're a die-hard KC Chiefs fan, I'm still not sure if you're going to relate to how fixated Alana gets over this "magic toque". It's like, chill out, girl. And the fact that DRKS works for the Chiefs seems to be the ONLY reason Alana is into him. And the only reason he's into her is, well, it seems like she's the first single woman he's met since he arrived in KC.  It's really not romantic at all.

If this was supposed to be a gateway for the Swifties who have become KC fans due to their tangential relationship to the pop singer, it's a botched effort. I don't think Hallmark will be making many converts out of them.

How does it movie? It's an ugly, unholy piece of trash unfit for general consumption, and I'm only mildly exaggerating. I think most everyone is doing what they can in the name of "synergy" but I felt mildly queasy almost the entire film based on how totally, overwhelmingly focused the film was on the Cheifs and/or being a fan of the Chiefs and/or working for the Chiefs. (No cut to any discussion about whether the continued use of the name "Chiefs" is at all offensive, because, America.)

I hated this one. It's not fun bad, it's just bad bad. 

How Does It Snow? At one point there is digital snow. The family is sitting around a fire pit (maybe a Solo Stove?) and drinking spiked eggnog when DRKS happens by (he was visiting a Chiefs'-themed Christmas lights display down the street) and he's asked to join them. They pretend it's cold out again (even though the lawns and trees are lush and green) and he bundles up under a blanket with Alana (jacket wide open, no hat or gloves), gets his eggnog, and then... SNOW. The fakest's ass digital snowglobe looking snow you've ever seen. Every cut some production assistant has placed a little pile of fake snow on the shoulder of one of the people in the scene. It's all absurd.