31 Days of Halloween: Lee Cronin's The Mummy

2026, Lee Cronin (The Hole in the Ground) -- download

Not The Mummy, not The Mummy, and not even the reboot of Brendan Fraser Mummy franchise, but a mummy movie by Irish director Lee Cronin.

The preamble begins in Egypt, the countryside, where a lovely family sings songs in the car on the drive back from buying groceries. Unfortunately the family pet has died bloodily and the parents descend into the basement to check on the sarcophagus hidden there. "Is he awake?" mom hisses. They crack the seal, get a few jump scares and then dad is impaled by one of the winch hooks, and mom lets him die. We can assume that whatever is mummified in there, wrapped in loose leathery bands, has been satiated.

Years later, an American family, dad (Jack Reynor, The Peripheral) is a reporter seeking out a new job back in the US. Mom (Laia Costa, Devils) is a nurse, and expecting a new child soon, and they have two young kids, Katie and Seb. Unfortunately, and yes, that is a thing in horror movies (every reveal is followed by an unfortunately) Katie has made "friends" with a creepy lady who offers her candy and magic tricks, and unfortunately an evil spell. As a sandstorm engulfs the city, Katie is stolen away. The dedicated but beleaguered police don't give them much hope in finding her alive.

We then switch gears to a plane crash, where the aforementioned sarcophagus is discovered in the wreckage. Its eight years later. The family has relocated to Albuquerque, New Mexico, which is distractingly shot in ... Spain. They live with their abuela (Veronica Falcón, Jungle Cruise), in her old house full of character. And they get the call; Katie has been found. Yes, a teenage girl was found mummified in leathery wrappings inside the sarcophagus from the plane crash. And she's fucking alive, but "locked in", severely abused and deformed. In probably not the most advisable decision, they immediately transfer her back to the US and into the family home.

Yeah, with the abuse and trauma she must have experienced, especially considering the horror show appearance of her body, she would be institutionalised. But, and it is implied, maybe the family doesn't have the money for that, as it is the US.

They have Katie (Natalie Grace, The Drone That Saved Christmas) back, but they also have the new daughter Maudie. They have guilt and horror and resentment that has just built up over the eight years. And they have this creepy looking, grey skinned, creaking, cracking, clacking ... child... in a bed, covered in scars, with nasty toenails that likely would have been cleaned up in the hospital, but ....

Meanwhile back in Egypt, the young police officer (May Calamawy, The Actor) who was originally on the Katie Case, is obsessed with figuring out what happened with her when she was taken, the sarcophagus, the state of her, etc. and starts learning of the woman who did this to Katie.

The final act slips from Katie just being a traumatized young woman returned to her grieving family into ... well, full blown The Exorcist meets The Evil Dead and considering Cronin's last movie, I would completely believe he was directed to go in this ... direction. I am not saying its bad, as it is properly creepy and weird and gorey, but it escalated away from eerie to full-blown monstrous, giving up any attempt to temper the "action". 

To be honest, the scene that horrified me the most was when mom tries to clip one of those big nasty toe nails and accidentally pulls a strip of flesh from her shin, in one of those scenes that harkens to what people think might happen when they pull at a persistent hang nail... riiiiiip. Except, there is meaning in that strip of "flesh".

I did not dislike the movie, but I did feel there was some meddling go on. For example, the whole "set in New Mexico" aspect of it was ... entirely misplaced. They are supposed to be returning to where the mother was raised, but her accent is so very very Spain Spanish, not Mexican or Mexican-American. I almost felt as if Cronin was wanting to give the movie a very del Toro vibe, but was edged out of that idea at the last moment.

31 Days of Halloween: It Ends

2025, Alexander Ullom (feature premiere) -- download

Sorry about the last post. Google has decided I said something "adult" and has hidden it behind a "you have to sign in" link. They won't tell me what I said -- after 15 years of writing here, its not like I am saying something suddenly disruptive, but I have an idea. But anywayz, the movie was about gangs of LA, bad cops and vampires.

The first challenge with this movie was getting over the Gen Z protagonists, all of an age where they have been going to college and are about to, or have just entered "real life". They are obviously all life-long friends, but... wow, are they insufferable with each other, almost intolerable. Maybe being horrible to each other was their schtick? In most movies this would end up leading to reveals of deep seated historical resentments and betrayal, but no, this is just who they are. 

So, unlike most "road horror movies", we don't start with the overhead shot of nothing but trees and a car's headlights breaking the gloom. We get a brief glimpse from the forest floor, looking upwards, but then we are just in the car, the kids (and to me, at my age, they are kids) heading out to... we don't know; all we know is that its the first right and just up the road. But as soon as they make the right, dusk becoming night, they notice there hasn't been a turn off for a while, and the GPS on their phone just says "go straight." Eventually they, but mainly the aggressive driver Tyler, agree to do a U-turn and head back. Except, it ends. They way they came in has become the impassable forest.

And that's the premise of the movie. The road has mysteriously become all that there is. Tossing traditional horror movie structure to the wind, it becomes more scifi, more existential dread, more psychological terror, than anything else.

So, Tyler (Mitchell Cole, Against the Spread), Fish(er) (Noah Toth, Unfix), James (Phinehas Yoon, Smoking Tigers) and Day (Akira Jackson, Against the Spread) are the kids. Two of them are in / just finishing college. James has entered the ratrace, and Tyler joined the military but has never deployed. They are together for the first time in a while, to ... help one move? The ambiguity of their gathering is a very intentional technique, which becomes highlighted as the movie goes on, as time passes, as they begin to forget life before the road. 

So yeah, there is the road, and its structure, and its elements. At the beginning of the trip, after noticing there are no turn offs, and turning back to The End / The Beginning, they discover the woods are full of people - screaming, yelling, grabbing, clawing people who are desperate to get into the car. "Help me!!!" they cry out. The friends never ask what is going on, of the strangers, just panic and drive away, Fish has been clawed-at and injured, the rest just freaked out. They drive. Eventually night becomes dawn becomes day. They stop. After about 1 minute 30, the people come screaming from the woods again.

Each of them reacts differently to the situation. James is calm, unemotional and trying to put together reasons from what's going on. Fish is having panic attacks. Tyler is aggressive and angry. Day just tries to be diplomatic. They eventually notice that the gas isn't going below a quarter tank, and they don't have any need for bodily functions, and they don't get tired or need to / can sleep. A few things change, or new things happen, the longer they drive: fewer people, and then, abandoned cars, and finally other people who abandoned those cars, and just ... gave up, lying on the side of the road, alive but unresponsive. But mostly it is the same, for a very very long time.

And that's it. That's the movie. The driving, the friends, the conflict, the ideas, the time, the talking and the talking and the talking, the talking to survive madness, the talking to distract, the talking because what else is there to do. There are no explanations, and that becomes apparent, despite James believing he can figure it out given enough road. The metaphors for what is going on are numerous, and despite being the filmmakers intent, as someone much older than him, I don't suffer from not knowing what is coming next. I know what is next -- more of the same. And, well that's pretty heavily an element of the movie too. 

Movies without resolutions can be maddening. The "ending explained" posts are probably having a field day with this movie, and I suspect they will all get it wrong. I rather liked the movie, but maybe because I am rather intimate with existential dread these days, it just felt comfortable. And once they were settled into what they were suffering, I had more sympathy for the kids.

31 Days of Halloween: Night Patrol

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31 Days of Halloween: Handsome Guys

2024, Nam Dong-hyup (feature premiere) -- download

Or Haenseomgaijeu.

This Korean movie is billed as a remake of Tucker & Dale vs. Evil, which we are huge fans of -- my post does not give it justice, and I think its time for a rewatch and a new post. In the original movie, the "evil" turns out not to be some supernatural entity in the "cabin in the woods" but more along the psycho lines that the college kids assume should be attributed to Tucker and Dale, but ends up being One of Their Own. This remake decided to embrace the classic cabin aspect of the movie and ... well, I will get to that.

Kang Jae-pil (Lee Sung-min, The Moon) and Park Sang-goo (Lee Hee-joon, Badland Hunters; weird; I wouldn't paste "full names" if they were English names, but I somehow seem compelled to do it here) are not hillbillies, in the traditional sense... is there even an equivalent to Alabama or Tennessee in South Korea? Would I even recognize the cultural tropes, if there were? Either way, the guys are definitely weirdoes -- odd haircuts, weird style and socially awkward to the extreme, without even noticing it. Especially to the group of influencer kids they meet at the rest stop / convenience store -- wow, South Korean rural roadside convenience stories are pretty much small department stores. The influencers are on their way to a majestic lakeside "cabin", a trope influencers have spread world wide, while the two friends, carpenters by trade, are on their way to a weird house, entirely not traditional Korean-style, that Jae-pil sunk their savings into. The kids are there to pickup snacks and booze, while the boys are picking up reno gear, all sharp objects that could be used to kill people. When one of the girls is startled by Sang-goo, and she is further frightened when he tries to help her up, the tone of conflict is set between the two groups.

It should be noted that the movie has a Satanic exorcism preamble where an American priest fails to exorcise Baphomet from a young woman, and we see a pentagram carved into a stone in the basement of an old .... cabin in the woods. Not like I need to fill in blanks for you, but it does show a distinct departure from the original movie, in that their will be real supernatural Evil here.

I commented that should "Tucker & Dale" ever be remade, the kids would definitely be "influencers" and we would take even greater glee in watching them jump into a woodchipper. Why is it we so dislike influencer kids? Its almost like they have influenced us into thinking that.

So, the boys get to their house, and begin cleaning it up, while the influencer kids do what they do best, snipe at each other and pick favourites. Oh, I forgot to mention, on the drive up earlier, the kids hit a goat in the middle of the road, and just leave it there. When the boys come by soon after, they are found by a pair of buffoonish cops, carrying the tarped dead creature out of the road. The lead buffoon assumes they are doing some illegal, in fact, he needs them to be doing something illegal, as two so completely ugly, clownish dudes cannot not be doing something illegal. But they aren't so they have to be let go. Goats, Satan worship, you get it.

Now where was I ? Oh yes, both groups at their houses doing what they do, which ends up with Mi-na (Gong Seung-yeon, Aloners), the girl who got frightened by Sang-goo, the "nice girl" who is ostracized by the rest, down by the lake while the boys are fishing and, again, they startled her and she falls in. Let's just say the lake has a drop and she sinks like a stone, requiring Jae-pil to dive in to save her. She also requires some resuscitation, and the next morning she awakens in their somewhat-cleaned-up house, initially scared at what these weirdos are doing with her in their house, but quickly charmed by Sang-goo's harmless friendly behaviour and the massive breakfast spread laid out. The two end up getting along swimmingly while Jae-pil goes out to do yard cleaning (wood chipper, chain saw, etc.). The kids have noticed she is missing and wander around looking for her, coming across the boys cabin. They are immediately convinced the boys have kidnapped her, but one of the kids, the Mean One, really only cares that Mi-na has his phone. And he's an influencer that cannot be without his phone.

What follows is a tragic black-comedy of errors. Its not presented as well as the original movie, but basically each of the kids are compelled to attack the Jae-pil, starting with just after he (chain)saws into a log full of wasps, those big nasty Asian wasps. The kids run screaming as he runs screaming from  the wasps, waving his chainsaw around like the mad man they all assume he is. One of the girls is impaled. The horrified boys attack, but a mislaid power cord electrocutes one, and trips the other, who falls into the planter box, which looks like a coffin Sang-goo "made" Min-na build (for herself) -- said planter box has lots of exposed nails. Ouch. And then the final kid jumps at Jae-pil, who has made it back to his wood pile, chipper munching on the rotting wood he has cleaned up, and the kid misses Jae-pil and .... grrrinnnnnnnd .... tomato paste.

All of the kids have very quickly died due to their own ineptitude and misunderstandings. And, well that pentagram in the basement under the boys cabin is suddenly lighting up with fiery symbols  -- one symbol for each dead kid. Except, the count is off and ... ohhh, electrocuted kid is not dead. And his awakening, as well as the return of the kid I forgot to mention has an unfortunate run in with the not-dead goat (I admit, I nodded off during that brief sequence) leads to the final act that is ... well, if this movie is a remake of "Tucker & Dale", then the final act is a very blatant nod to the original orginal Evil Dead complete with cackling possessed people in basements. And drawing on some pretty common tropes from Asian horror that I have commented on before (religion, destiny, legacy, family), the just-woke-up-from-a-coma younger brother of the original possessed women from the preamble has to fight off the proper now-raised Baphomet devil kid. Oh, and the buffoonish cops get mixed up in it as well.

It was actually a pretty decent remake of the original, capturing enough to make us smile, and being new and culturally appropriate to probably appeal to an entirely different audience. It doesn't have the bite of the original, and that is mainly because it does draw upon horror tropes as being actual horror, instead of all just a "ooops, we misunderstood" comedy of errors.

Stubbing Out: Samara & Karl/Kyle

Eenie Meanie, 2025, Shawn Simmons (primarily a writer; directorial debut) -- Disney+
Carolina Caroline, 2025, Adam Rehmeier (Snack Shack) -- download

Well, fuck. I had it all planned out in my mind, and I thought I had properly confirmed it, but apparently Samara Weaving was not starring in two star-crossed lovers, back-water America, crime stories with the same guy. Turns out, Karl Glusman (Eenie Meanie) and Kyle Gallner (Carolina Caroline) are not the same actor.

But, same look in each movie, same initials... there is something going on here.

My original intent was to, and I doubt it would become a new tag, but begin the write up(s) just after I started the movie(s). I often watch movies, these days, in fits & starts: with week day morning coffee, and just after I get up on weekends. Life interrupts. Occasionally, when doing so, I like to put in a "stub" post, to capture what I was thinking as I watched, even before completing the movie. Given this post was going to be about two movies, I tagged that onto the post title.

Original original intent aside, the plan will still goes, just with no comparing about how odd it was for Samara, and really she is the star power here, to be in two very similar movies with the same co-star. She is still in two very similar movies, in genre if not tone, about people on the ass-end of American life making terrible crime-ridden life choices.

Samara Weaving started her career, in my eyes, as "not Margot Robbie" but came into her own, again in my mind, in a 31 Days choice of The Babysitter -- for some reason, I did not do proper credit-ing in that post. Not long after, she stood out again in Ready or Not. She hasn't been a Margot Robbie stand-in, in my mind, for quite a long time, which makes her role in Babylon all the more amusing.

Karl Glusman will always be, to me, Sergei from Devs but that is because I never saw any of his previous projects. The Internet loved his threesome in Love, a Gaspar Noé movie --- odd note, Kent references his movie Enter the Void at least three times in other posts, but neither of us wrote about it.

Kyle Gallner doesn't really have any prevalence in my mind. He's just one of those ten million character actors that have played a single episode of all the TV crime dramas and just enough roles in movies that I recognize his face. I guess his only stand-out, to me, would be "Beaver" from Veronica Mars some 20 odd years ago, but he was a kid then.

***

Edith, or Edie, Meade (Weaving) was raised by two degenerate drug-using criminals. When she was 14, she picked them up from a bar and while attempting to escape the cops, crashes the car, killing her mother and paralysing her father. She spends the rest of her youth in the usual abusive foster system, in Cleveland. After escaping that, she ended up back in the seedy crime-ridden underbelly of her parents. The movie begins when she has escaped that, going to school, keeping a job. But what she hasn't escaped is her on-again off-again relationship with John (Glusman), who is a complete loser.

We are introduced to Edie in a nightclub; she is supposed to be the typical skanky but smart girl, wanting to go home early so she can study. I don't buy Weaving's American skank -- she's just too statuesque. But she's a bad girl wanting to go straight: school, shit car, shit boss, shit job at a bank, which gets robbed and Edie is knocked unconscious. When she awakens at the hospital, she finds she is pregnant, and that means a hard decision: should she talk to John (Glusman), her ex, the father, or should she avoid him.

She should have avoided him. She walks straight into his shit show, where he owes Nico the Mob Boss (Andy Garcia, Wrath of Man) and she has to put her legendary driving skills back into action. In the intervening years between the car crash and her going to school, Edie was a driver for Nico, a very very good driver. But John is her Achilles Heel, an entire mess of a human being, stupider than pavement, but able to charm Edie in ways she cannot control.

John had kidnapped Nico's card counter, a man who makes Nico a lot of money. Then the card counter is accidentally killed, and now John owes Nico all the money the card counter could have potentially made. Edie has two options: help John on a job for Nico that could recoup the money, or let.... John... die. We wouldn't have a movie if Edie didn't love John, trainwreck and all.

What plays out in tragi-comedy is a fun mish-mash of violence and stupidity and adrenaline, from the guy who did the YouTube / TV show Wayne, a violent little romp about a high school kid on bicycle trying to get his dad's car back. John continues to make bad decisions, Edie ends up having to make some really hard decisions.

I would do some comparisons to specific car chase and/or heist movies, but we know the tone. There are tense chase scenes, avoidances and bone-jarring crashes. There are betrayals and murders that don't sit well with Edie. Its all familiar ground, but... I rather enjoyed it. Weaving wraps herself in the role, and unlike the next one, it is not as enamoured with her statuesque body. We get most of her performance from her eyes, sad and disappointed most of the time, hard and determined when needed.

***

Caroline (Weaving) opens the movie alone, carjacking her ride, driving off into the sun. She is going to end up here, but where we really meet her first is a gas filling station in Texas where the makeup-lite Caroline (code for innocent, unworldly) observes customer Oliver (Gallner) con the gas station owner out of $20. She's annoyed he would take money out of the hands of another; he is amused she caught his con so quickly.

Later they bump into each other at a roadhouse, she is surprised he is still in "town". Why would anyone stay in her little bumpkin speck-on-the-road of a town? She, of course, is desperate to get out. Commenting leads to flirting, flirting leads to dating and dating leads to sharing -- Caroline's mother left her when she was young, and she has always wanted to go to Carolina, where she believes her mother is, to ask why. She's also mesmerized by his little con jobs, and asks him to show her how its done. They are taken with each other, but you are always left wondering how much of their interaction is him controlling the beautiful blonde in front of him, but I remember the opening scene where she is alone, and wonder whether she is manipulating him from the very start.

When they do couple-crime dramas, the go-to is Bonnie & Clyde but this is more akin to True Romance but without all the Tarantino quirkiness. Its romantic, its exciting, its tense. 

By midway through the movie, things have escalated. Simple $100 cash shuffling has become large sums of money, has become lifting wallets and emptying bank accounts, has become... robbing banks. Caroline wants more: more excitement, more cash, more slinky outfits. That is, until she sees the darker side of what they are doing: the fear they generate, the intimidation and violence they have to use to keep things going -- the harsh cruelty that keeps Oliver moving along so he can do the next job. Caroline likes it when its fun & exciting, not so much when they have to pistol whip someone. That escalation also brings real life into play, and they are on a Wanted List.

Reality has Caroline question where's she from, so the original intent of the road trip, before the con jobs, before the slinky dresses, before the bank robberies, was to find her mother in Carolina. But we all know how those visits turn out... Meeting Deborah (Kyra Sedgwick, Bad Shabbos) for 10am screw drivers is not a pleasant experience and Sedgwick is incredible in this pretty-much cameo, eliciting waves of revulsion from the way she holds her chin and the words vomiting out of her mouth. But, instead of a call to her Daddy and a wake-up call, she asks Oliver if they can rob the world.

"How do we know if we are good people pretending to be bad, or bad people pretending to be  good?"

Their world comes crashing down pretty quickly, and hard. Unfortunately, the movie doesn't provide much breathing room for neither us, nor the couple. Caroline should have just taken the time to absorb the reality of her mother, but instead it leads to the death of a state trooper and, finally, Oliver taking Death by Cop so Caroline can escape. TBH I was imagining he would abandon her, to return to his life of lone con jobs, but I guess he really did love her.

So, two stories with similar paths, similar bad decisions, both ending with Weaving's characters alone and expecting. Two entirely different tones. The first is more my thing; my days of being charmed by violence-crossed lovers out against the world are gone. Like Edie, I have grown out of that. But the latter was a competently done story and I cannot fault it for anything, including the familiar story, because telling the same story over and over again is how the telling of tales is done.

3 Short Paragraphs (Or Not): The Death of Robin Hood

2026, Michael Sarnoski (Pig) -- download

I've had a story in my head for a few years now. A few actually, tied together. One speaks of The Slayer or The Unkillable; he's had a few names. It tells of an unkillable (duh) sword wielding warrior, a man who has been killing men and monsters alike, a warrior who fears no one and nothing. Another iteration of the tale tells of him in his old age, long since "retired" from swinging his sword, and now only swings an axe. He is the mysterious woodcutter living deep in the woods, avoiding people, avoiding his reputation, hiding from his legacy of endless death, a tired man, a sorrow-filled man who only wants peace and hard labour.

This movie tells the tale of Robin Hood, but a long aged Robin (Hugh Jackman, Logan), and not the man of legend. The legend was created by him to mask the brutality and killing he wrought in his youth. He was never truly the hero of myth, stealing from the rich to give to the poor. He was just a brigand, a killer of people so he could take what they had. And his legacy is that he is endlessly pursued by the families of those he has slain, always on the run, no longer a young and unkillable warrior, just an aching, but still powerful man hiding when he can, killing when he has to. 

This movie begins as a grimdark, violent, bloody and gritty tale. They needed to set the story who the real man is. There are no flashbacks, no images of a dashing hero in a green hood, flashing a smile as he steals bags of coins from the moustache twirling Sheriff of Nottingham. There is just the mumbling Little John (Bill Skarsgård, Barbarian) who is fleeing after having been outed from his farm by vengeful foes, a farm that he acquired himself by killing the previous owner. Fuck, this is a dark world -- there is no irony in John's (now calling himself Edward, a name taken from the man he killed) description of what he has done -- he killed a man and set himself as the head of his new "family" and, well, they have accepted him. He comes across Robin on the road, and seeks his help in recovering what is his. Together they kill the vengefuls, but not before all but one of John's Edward's family are killed in front of him. 

One escapes (not really, as Robin puts an arrow through the back of the boy's head, and he stumbles, dying, home, bearing the mark of who did the deed) causing the return of the head of the family, armed and armoured, unlike the usual staff & pitch fork bearing farmers that Robin and John can easily dispatch. And the battle is so brutal, it leaves Robin on the edge of death. John all but carries him to a boat which takes him to an island where a Prioress, Sister Bridgit (Jodie Comer, 28 Years Later) is known to heal all who are brought to her. Edward hands "Roderick" over to her care, who is barely alive, cut and crushed and suffering great blood loss. Their lies are accepted, and Edward departs.

Act Two. Healing. The tonal shift in this act is palpable. Via music (the use of "Twa Corbies" is wonderful) and mood, we observe Roderick heal, but all the while wondering when the tables will turn. This is not an unfamiliar story telling technique, where we wonder whether a violent amoral character will stay true to that course, or will he be swayed by kindness and acceptance. The Prioress has her own past, but its only just touched upon, but other members of the priory tell of it being full of darkness and loss. Meanwhile, a quiet wise leper lives out his last days on the island, bringing Roderick into his confidence, offering his place as the protector of the apple and pear groves. You know the leper knows who Roderick might be, but there is no judgement, no coaxing, just an ask that Robin not bring his violence to the island. 

Roderick's healing is not quick, and the gentle touch does soften him, especially when Edward's daughter appears on the shores -- her "papa" was attacked and she fled to here. She has been abused and traumatized but when she sees Roderick, she grasps him silently. And also, with time and a gentle touch, she softens to him, finding a new father figure. It surprises him as much as the rest of the islanders. BUT we still see the darkness behind his eyes. We wonder if he will end up returning to his ways, kill her for revealing who he is.

I absolutely loved Jackman in this role. And not because he is the living image of the retired Slayer from my mind's eye, but for the reserved manner he approached the role. This was not big acting, but quiet and brooding.  Hell knows, I love a good brood. Comer is, as usual, magnificent. And Skarsgård just disappears into his small role, more than he did behind the makeup of Pennywise. This movie won't be for everyone, as it can be ponderous at times, and does very little to rise from its dark mood, but for me, already steeped deeply in such a mood (not a good time in my life right now), it was pitch perfect.

3 Short Paragraphs (Or Not): Colony

2026, Yeon Sang-ho (Train to Busan) -- download

Called Gunche in Korean. 

Yes, another zombie movie from the guy who did Train to Busan and its sequel, except this time he's riffing off the fungus among us idea from The Last of Us which I guess, I didn't write about. But, that's pretty much what I said for his first zombie movie, but that he was riffing on World War Z that time.

Despite its acclaim, I do recall saying that Train to Busan was not a very good movie. I also recall that I changed my viewpoint all from changing the subtitle track. It was a fun movie. Not great, but in the zombie sub-genre, what ever really is?

Again with the family. Part of me wonders whether other cultures family tropes stand out more clearly to me because they are slightly different from ours, more focus on some parts, less so on others. Almost every Hollywood movie is going to give you the divorced family trope, the family drama trope, the father doting on the daughter trope. They are background, familiar setup that we ignore as we get to know characters. But in other cultures, it is not an inherently known dynamic being displayed. to us from outside the culture. 

I mean, what's so amazing about the two family dynamics shown in this movie? Nothing really. A divorced couple, Kwon Se-jeong (Jun Hi-hyun, Blood: The Last Vampire) and her ex-husband Han Gyu-sung (Go Soo, The Flower in Prison) are amicable; he's even trying to find her a new job, despite her being difficult -- there's probably something cultural to unpack there; or it could just be general run-of-the-mill misogyny. And there is security guard Choi Hyun-seok (Ji Chang-wook, The Manipulated) and his disabled sister Hyun-hee (Kim Shin-rock, Hellbound). He dotes on her, she wants independence. Nothing spectacular going on here, but they are character highlights to the movie, dominating how things go.

What goes on is that a loony disgraced biologist (Koo Kyo-hwan, Parasyte: The Grey) calls in a biological terrorism threat and then shows up at tech conference hosted by a bio-tech conglomerate in a highrise that also happens to have a multi-level shopping mall. He injects himself with "the vaccine" while injecting the CEO of the company, who happened to have dismissed him for unethical experimentation, with The Virus. Instant white-goo vomiting zombie. And you know how it goes from there. One red dot becomes two, two becomes four, and so on. Between elevator floor trips, much of the conference floor is turned. 

Yeon takes a nod from Rec and quarantines the building, trapping everyone inside, while inept authorities outside try to figure out how to deal with the emerging threat. They all know if it gets out, South Korea is doomed. They also have a cop on the inside who is instructed to keep the loony biologist safe, as the only source of a vaccination. So, for the survivors, it becomes a struggle to find said loony, and escort him to the roof, where evacuation will be had. On the outside, scientists working for the government are trying desperately to understand what this is all about, and one happens to be the new wife of Han Gyu-sung. FYI, he doesn't last long, as is the first sacrificed to zombie tragedy, so now the two wives have to work together to solve the problem.

So, yeah the zombies themselves. The title of the movie implies everything. There is a fungus among us that controls ants, turning them into zombies, but this movie mashes it all up with natural ant behaviour, in that a colony all communicates with each other easily, all working as one, and the loony scientist believes the next stage of human evolution will be as one big colony of "perfect communication". The zombies spray their white fungus goo everywhere, it quickly growing, forming a vast network that allows the zombies to transmit data to each other, learning, evolving. And loony scientist gets himself bitten, putting himself (I guess, along with injected vaccine) at the centre of the network. What they see, he sees, what he knows, they know. Fun little functional piece.

Its a good little movie, nothing spectacular, with production values enough to make it compelling.

3 Short Paragraphs (Or Not): Disclosure Day

2026 Steven Spielberg (War of the Worlds) -- download

Spielberg's career was not built on aliens -- he actually has an incredibly varied catalog -- but a number of his movies do focus on aliens coming to Earth, including Close Encounters of the Third Kind, of which this one may be seen as a spiritual successor.

Google has a 'Disclosure Day' search result animation - a cardinal. Huh.

Not sure I am going to do a play by play recap of this movie. We know its about "disclosing" the existence of what has to be alien life, even if the trailers don't say it out loud. I mean, I spoiled that in the first sentence. But what is the movie really about ??

"You can't HANDLE the truth!!!" yells Colonel Jessep (Jack Nicholson).

We can't handle the truth. In February of this year, President Donald "Cheeto Benito" Trump signed an executive order to release all the files they had on UFO phenomena, or as they are calling them now - UAP (unidentified anomalous phenomena).

Do doo de doo doo.

We handled the truth. There was nothing to be "handled". Even if the fucking US Dept of War official website looks like part of an AR game, this news came and went without even a whisper. The "truth" was just as ambiguous as it always had been. But what if something tangible had been revealed? What if the documents had shown incontrovertible proof that there were alien bodies stored in Area 51 and they had, at the very least, parts of downed alien craft? How would the world have reacted?

In the movie, Noah Scanlon (Colin Firth, Young Sherlock) of Wardex (Waived Reporting, Development, and Extraction) vehemently states that if said incontrovertible truth about alien existence, in the form of terabytes of footage & files, was released to the world, they would panic, utterly lose their shit. For the movie's world, which is already teetering on the brink of war, it would mean the End of Things. The movie even postulates that religion would collapse, when we learn we are not alone in the universe.

Daniel Kellner (Josh O'Connor, The Crown), a genius level data scientist in Wardex, believes, and was influenced into believing by Hugo Wakefield (Colman Domingo, The Electric State), an ex-Wardex employee, that the world deserves to know. Needs to know. He believes vehemently that we can handle it, that it is exactly what the world needs now, as it is about to wipe itself out. He has escaped with a backpack full of said data. And Wardex is after him.

Meanwhile, unconnected to Daniel's whistleblower activities, weather person Margaret Fairchild (Emily Blunt, The Fall Guy) is having a really weird day. After a Disney Princess encounter with a bright red cardinal, things have been... odd. She's guessing what her boyfriend (Wyatt Russell, Overlord) is going to say, before he opens his mouth, and speaking Russian. In the studio she is unphased by her new ability to understand Korean, but collapses after speaking an alien language on-air, for everyone to hear. Something is very wrong.

But Daniel understands what she is saying, when no one else does. So, the two are connected, and are being influenced by Something Bigger Than Them. So much of the movie hinges on the idea that Something Bigger is Happening. Its the driving factor of the movie. Its what propels us towards a climax of the actual release of the files and videos to the entire world, via the news broadcasting framework.

So much of this movie displays as the product of a Very Good Filmmaker. The production budget allows for so much, so many things and Spielberg is able to masterfully engage us. The train scene, for one, is an exciting spin on a classic -- a classic he really subscribes to, as you can easily see this whole thing happening in an Indiana Jones movie. But its also just the lighting and the way he frames a shot. You can easily envision the mock-buster of this movie; I wouldn't be surprised if the idea "an alien conspiracy whistleblower running from a shadowy government agency" is already the plot of one, or many, Straight To movies in the VHS days. I rather enjoyed watching skilled people do their thing.

But in the end, I was, surprisingly to myself, not satisfied with the actual "disclosure". So, they release all this footage to the news, masterfully convincing a bunch of news TV shows to all connect together and show the footage. So what? Most people will think its fake, even if they accept the idea of world covering "breaking news" doesn't happen for AI Deepfakes. And once the governments, including the US Govt which was unaware of what Wardex was doing, get their shit together, it will just quietly become yesterday's news. 

And, what was the alien agenda here? We are meant to believe they a benevolent alien species that lives by empathy instead of tyranny. But what have they been doing for 50 years? Abducting children and subjecting them to terrifying experimentation we know. And I understand that if human interaction like Wardex showed them to be fearful of humans, I get the hiding, but they are still massively technologically advanced compared to us. Do they have to hide? And now, once revealed, what's next? The movie would rather just have us postulate this on our own, as it literally is only about the "disclosure", but since I did not buy into the almost-religious-experience level of awe this was supposed to inspire, I am again left with "so what?" I need to know the answer of that question. 

Kent.

3 Short Paragraphs (Or Not): Supergirl

2026, Craig Gillespie (Fright Night) -- download

I can immediately say that I came out of this movie thinking, "I liked it." No exclamation mark. I liked it, it was alright, which is just this side of "meh" unfortunately. But, I am also the guy who liked Kraven the Hunter so, so what do I know. 

Now that I had said this so many times, I am recalling a time when "it was OK" was more than OK. I enjoyed the whole "experience" of film watching, small and big screens, and that experience was mine that I was happy, as long as it wasn't a total piece of frustrating crap. Am I now more discerning? Or am I just older and less satisfied with Just OK.

I immediately bump over to Kent's post, and then I am suddenly hand-waving, "This! THIS !" I suddenly have my exclamation marks.

"It's moderately successful, but it's absolutely clear from the first two fight sequences that Gillespie is not comfortable or confident with such sequences and they are neither clean nor easy to follow, and both are quite poorly lit (it's also quite possible that the theatre I was in was dimming their projector, the whole film seemed overly dark)."

I am only familiar with the source comic material in passing. I started reading a digital copy when this movie was announced, but ... never finished? But I recall it being a popular alt take on the Supergirl character, a romp in space, which I assumed was supposed to be in the tone of "Superman Man of Tomorrow" but I was actually thinking of "All-Star Superman". But, I know that the Supergirl comic was a stand-alone series, which I am not sure would allow for a good introduction to the character. I should let Kent comment on comics, as I don't really read them anymore.

And the editor says you should delete that paragraph....

But, as a good introduction to the character cinematically? If we are being setup for there being a "strongly into irreverence & binge drinking" Supergirl (Milly Alcock, House of the Dragon) in the Gunn DC-verse, then we got that. Its not  like the world at large would be widely aware of how Supergirl should be depicted, and really, that's beside the point. We do get that she is historically Kal-El's cousin, and she came from a city that escaped the destruction of Krypton and due to temporal mechanics, she arrived not much older than when she left Krypton / Argo City. Her city may have escaped the planet exploding, but it did not escape its fate. Kara also escapes the dying city, and is probably left pretty emotionally scarred; thus the binge drinking. Also, all this happens in a mid-story recollection.

Meanwhile, in the actual story, she's drinking on a planet with a Red Sun, which allows her to actually get drunk, when Ruthye Marye Knoll (Eve Ridley, The Witcher), whose family was killed by Krem of the Yellow Hills (Matthias Schoenaerts, The Old Guard) and his space brigands called The Brigands. Comics can elicit a lot from names and depictions in just a few short panels, setting tone and style. Strangely enough, it takes more in movies, and so the bar, the aliens/villains within, all end up feeling pretty generic, and most viewers will not be able to escape comparisons to Guardians of the Galaxy. Anywayz, Roothy comes in demanding someone help her avenge her family, is grabbed by a thug who wants to sell her, but Supergirl, despite being "powerless", intercedes. Apparently she's got mad fighting skills, super powered or not.

What proceeds is a series of "nope, not gonna help. nope, not gonna help" until "FINE, I'm helping!" inspired mostly by the fact that Krem poisons Krypto, who turns out to be Kara's dog, not Superman's -- explains the lack of discipline shown by the pup. Supergirl has only a few days to find The Brigands and steal back their antidote. And allow Ruthye to avenge her dead family. And... maybe free some captives?

As Kent said, the Superman movie had "spirit and humour", this one just seems to be trying to tailor itself for the doom-scrolling generations. There is a "human (girl) trafficking" sub-plot and its implied that Space is a lawless and dangerous, yet it has "bus" routes. And where are the Green Lanterns in all of this? Aren't they supposed to be Space Cops? At the very least, shouldn't there be some down-on-their-luck task force members trying to take down these slave traders and failing miserably? 

And yet, I began this write-up with a "I Liked It". I did, I guess I just don't like where it sits in Gunn's new DC-verse. I am blatant about my love for how the man makes a movie, and I shouldn't expect all the movies coming out of his stable to replicate that skill, but at the very least, I would hope he would take a Kevin Feige approach to making sure the movies are polished before they are released?

In the very end, I mostly liked Milly's depiction of the character; at the very least, I applaud the sincerity with which she played the role. The character of Ruthye is just pure supporting cast, with no definition and nothing memorable uttered. And the movie shoe-horning in Lobo (Jason Momoa, Aquaman) was superfluous and just an extended cameo. 

Maybe you need a rewatch and rewrite just so you can say something you actually liked?

We Agree: Star Wars: The Mandalorian and Grogu

2026, Jon Favreau (Chef) -- download

Kent.

OK, here I go back into blockbuster land, as they begin popping up on my pirate sites. Oh, did I say that out loud?

In 2019 Favreau did what no one was truly expecting -- got a live-action "Star Wars" TV show off the ground, and made it good. Actually, great. It came out at the end of a series of very divisive theatrical movies, and I include The Rise of Skywalker. This is the first proper movie since that series of, arguably failures, ended. And it was a box-office flop. I never saw it in the cinema, but my forays into those dark abodes are no longer an indicator of anything.

Kent says it well.

I enjoyed the movie... but... I enjoyed the movie like I would enjoy binge watching a season of The Mandalorian, and that's kind of the experience the film brings. It doesn’t feel right.

I watched this for the first time, at home, on the TV, and yet I feel that somewhat of a let-down feeling. As I am wont to say, it's fine. But in only saying that, I am once again kind of pissed off. While I understood I never held the spin-off movies to the same level, what I wanted from this was for Favreau and Filoni to translate their special love of "Star Wars" from the small-screen to the Big Screen experience. I didn't get that; I just got a ... longer episode with more budget?

My mind was a bit muddled coming into this movie. Having just come off some relatively recent rewatches of Ahsoka and Obi-Wan, as well currently ongoing rewatches of Ep. VII and VIII, my brain is lost in the time stream. As I understand it, we are coming into this story post-Ep. VI, just after the events in Ahsoka and Skeleton Crew. So, the New Republic is still in control, the First Order hasn't visibly risen yet, and yet remnants of the Empire are still everywhere. And so, the New Republic has tasked The Mandalorian (Pedro Pascal, Wonder Woman 1984; Brendan Wayne, Lateef Crowder), and his side-kick Grogu, with hunting down these remnants. 

The movie opened with a bounty. Its a snow planet, or at the very least, the place on the planet in the mountains, with snow. Imperial walkers, snow troopers, colluding Imperial warlord and toadies. Its all fun and exciting, but then we swing to the opening credits and .... huh. Sure, I like Ludwig Göransson as much as the next person, and his score is probably most exciting "Star Wars" music since the original movie, but this overly bombastic version, meant for a cinema with big speakers, does not fit well with the "American base in the Vietnam war" style opening. By itself, the scene is wonderful, but they should have saved the big sounds score for... the end? I am thinking the score should have been a more sly version, low key and anticipatory.

Why are planets in "Star Wars" always a single biome?

Bounty Hunters are always "bring em in alive, or bring em in dead, I still get paid" and that is pissing off Colonel Ward (Sigourney Weaver, Alien), who needs the intel a living "Imp" can provide. And yet, despite her annoyance, she coaxes Mando into another job, offering him a newly refurbed Razor Crest, since his last one was blown to smithereens. The problem is that he will have to work with the Hutts, particularly The Twins, who took over Jabba's demesne after his death, and while Boba still rules on Tatooine as Daimyo. The Twins want Mando to rescue Rotta (Jeremy Allen White, The Bear), Jabba's son, from a crime boss named Coin. You might recall that Rotta was known to Ahsoka as "Stinky".

This was my first hint that maybe my super duo might not translate well to the Big Screen, even if I am watching on the Small Screen. The mismatched score, the smaller stakes. Sure, other (cinematic) movies do small stakes all the time, but this is "Star Wars" and following a successful stint on TV, I wanted Big Stakes, not just the rescue of a previously referenced side character, with some complications in tow. Maybe I wanted a gateway into the next (previous) trilogy? Grumblings of the First Order? Shadowy foreshadowing? Some big success for The Rebels-turned-New-Republic-Policing?

But again, what I did get was fine and all. 

Fun things. The transposition of the original movie's holochess into "real life" was smirk inducing, but also... weird? Are these monsters/beasts or are they people? I mean, one was wearing a vest, but some were pretty horrific looking. Also, that whole town was really really well designed, visually. Can't wait for a food influencer to recreate the sandwich Mando was about to be served. 

And the practical effects / stop motion segment as Grogu and the Anzellans (once again, all voiced by Shirley Henderson, Okja) band together to rescue Mando. I swear, I could see the strings on their tiny ship. And the fight between Mando and mega-droids was very very Ray Harryhausen. A whole lot of fun, but also.... jarring and out of place.

Less enthused. The Grogu sitting around in his mud hut (not Hutt) waiting for Mando to heal. Its like they needed to fill a required allotment of Grogu being cute. Also, by now, Mando knows he's not a pet, knows he's not a "child" so.... what's with all the pet / toddler references? The time that had to pass for Mando to get better should have had more impact.

If I had seen this in the cinema, I am no longer convinced if I would have been less annoyed, having had a Big Screen Experience, no matter the film's satisfaction level (remember, we "enjoyed" watching Madam Webb and The Flash), or more annoyed, given expectations vs reality. I am much more annoyed by the box office turnout, and the impact it will have on future Favreau / Filoni projects.

3 Short Paragraphs (Or Not): They Will Kill You

2026,  Kirill Sokolov (Why Don't You Just Die!) -- download

Well, that was a bucket full of bloody fun.

Part of me is wondering whether there is something wrong with us when this is the definition of a "fun time".

Should I start a new tag for movies where women are led to the slaughter, but turn the tables? Ready or Not comes to mind, but there are definitely a few more examples. Its a sub-sub-genre I can get behind, and yes, there will be a watching of the sequel (referenced movie, not this movie), but in October, probably along with all the highly praised, recently released horror movies from 2026.

Asia and her little sister try to leave their abusive father but it only goes wrong, ending with Asia shooting, but not killing him, and her having to flee into the rainy night, leaving her sister behind. Because the world is a horrible place, Asia is caught and convicted while daddy dearest recovers and retains custody of his youngest daughter, so he can go on to further abuse her.

Ten Years Later, another rainy night and Asia has shown up at the door of a creepy high rise in NYC, creepy as in it has Satanic bas-reliefs and a pentacle on the roof. She is invited in by the building manager who explains the history of the building and the exclusive nature of its tenants (i.e. rich white people, poor black servants [!!!]). Asia has come for a job, under another name. She is welcomed, given a room, but while she is sleeping, someone finds his way into the room, a someone in cult-y robes and mask. In an incredibly stylish fight sequence, she fights him off, kills him, only for more cult-y robed figures to break their way into the room. She kills them all only.... it doesn't stick. Yup, an immortal Satanic Cult.

Asia (Zazie Beetz, Deadpool 2) is here to "rescue" her little sister, now all grown up, from this cult. But first she has to survive the night. She is helped by one of the cult members who has grown tired of immortality and Satan worship and human sacrifice, and probably the racism inherent to these assholes. Sure, they think they are "enlightened" by occasionally offering immortality in replacement of sacrifice, but that's only so they can have consistent servants / support staff. And that includes Asia's sister Maria (Myha'la, Bodies Bodies Bodies); she's been offered a "position" as long as she sacrifices someone, but her sister, who she is still pissed at for leaving her behind all those years ago, has fucked that by showing up in the sacrifice's place. 

People my age, when writing about movies, compare. This feels like a Hong Kong action movie meets Sam Raimi with exquisitely well choreographed fights scenes, laugh out loud horrible gorey stuff like an eyeball with independent thought chasing after Asia as she attempts escape. Its Raid: Redemption but reusing the same antagonists over and over, because they keep on coming back from the dead. 

The fight takes her to the top of the building, to face The Devil Himself.. in the form of a very big pig head tattooed with the names of all the immortals, so she gets to not only end them but also this little conduit he had to Earth. You have to think about what this cult was actually doing. Sure, immortality is nice, but what does The Devil get out of it, beyond the souls I mean. I can only assume this rich white assholes, who were doing very well for themselves were out there in the world making Evil every day, making lives of others worse, corrupting who they could, making things more terrible for everyone. You know, beyond the sacrificing a person every year.

A fun fun movie. Will need to see what else Sokolov has to offer.

Kent's -- we agreed.

3 Short Paragraphs (Or Not): Caught Stealing

2025, Darren Aronofsky (Pi) -- download

Tangential thoughts.

Was this the guy who did Pi? Yes, this is the guy who did Pi, but then why does it feel like he was known for so much else that wasn't Pi? Because he was, and it was/is so so much more. Black Swan, Mother!, Requiem for a Dream, The Wrestler, The Whale, and more. All films that got a lot of buzz, both critically and audience-wise. And yes, my brain always goes, "The guy who did Pi."

But also, because of my current viewing habits, and late-to-writing habit, the mushed up "violence in film" has Hold the Dark and Normal ping-ponging around in my brain pan. I didn't consider Aronofsky in that company (Saulnier and Wheatley) but this movie feels at home with them.

And yet, I recall, as Kent did, the trailers depicting a violent, quirky romp of a movie involving crazy Russians, crazy Jews, a mohawk-ed punk and a baseball player with his bat. We got that, but with a darker, much darker mentality, adapted for the screen by Charlie Huston who wrote the original novel, a violent little page-turner. Huston authors his own mish-mash of work including Wolverine and Moon Knight comics, and a vampire noir.

OK.

Late 90s, Hank (Austin Butler, The Shannara Chronicles) is a bartender in a dive bar in NYC's Lower East Side, back when pop culture depictions were still grimy and not IG ready. He's a friendly popular sort with hot girlfriend Yvonne (Zoë Kravitz, High Fidelity) and punk neighbour Russ (Matt Smith, Morbius). He's also haunted by a car accident from his past, and calls his mom at least once a day to talk about baseball, in particular the San Francisco Giants. Russ has to rush out of town and leaves Hank to take care of his cat, who likes to bite, but likes Hank.

That's the setup. How it starts is when two bald, but maybe not skinhead, Russian mobsters show up at Russ's door and end up beating Hank into the hospital, where he has lost a kidney. For a heavy drinker and bartender, that's devastating, as we skip right past the likelihood of Hank actually having health insurance that would have paid for that. He talks to the police, and is questioned extensively.

It only escalates in violence from that, and Hank just gets dragged from one horrible situation into the next, all connected to some money Russ stole from his employers. The movie is not a fun romp; its a gut-wrenching escapade, where Hank, charismatic and likeable, doesn't deserve what happens to him, and really doesn't want to be involved. EXCEPT after Yvonne gets killed (pissed off at that fridging, but Huston wrote that in heyday of fridging) Hank doesn't really have a way out, but to see it through... somehow. To say that things only get worse when Russ returns from England is... saying it lightly.

I am still not sure how I feel about the movie. After the killing of Yvonne I was just soured on the whole thing, but still engaged by the whole quirky Coens-not-Coens aspects of the movie. To be honest, I found the "fun and wacky" kind of jarring, but yet... it still worked? You can do fun and yet dark; Bad Monkey did it really well, and Huston and Carl Hiaasen are from the same paperback crime world, but really, none of this is fun. I guess the only "fun" I had was when I recognized the two Hasidic Jew criminal Drucker Brothers, Lipa (Liev Schreiber, Ray Donovan) and Schmully (Vincent D'Onofrio, El Camino Christmas) but that was more a realization that the characters were played so well, so reserved, that I didn't see the faces behind the fake beards. 

Yes, like my mind, I flip-flop with my words on it.

This is the kind of movie I should probably watch again, to view the actual film making, but I probably won't. I have a feeling I would appreciate it more once the sour taste of the murder is out of my mouth; I probably won't be less pissed about it, but at least I know its coming. 

Kent's take - we agree. 

Credits rolling notes: glad Aronofsky gave some work to D'Pharaoh Woon-A-Tai, and I was amused by the stunt-casting of Griffin Dunne as the owner of the bar Hank works at, considering all the After Hours comparisons in this movie. Kent wrote about the movie here; I probably saw it on VHS but got bored.

3 Short Paragraphs (Or Not): Bob Trevino Likes It

2024, Tracie Laymon (feature debut) -- download

This... this is an ugly cry movie. There is a scene in the trailer, from early in the movie, where Lily Trevino (Barbie Ferreira, Mile End Kicks) goes to see a free therapist and tells them about her life; the therapist breaks down crying, ugly crying. As part of the trailer, it set our expectations of this movie pretty well. As part of the plot, it had more weight as the therapist is a free therapist, at a local clinic, and she is new at her job -- her unprofessional reaction is understandable, as Lily sits before her, telling her story matter-of-factly, bluntly, seemingly not understanding the weight of such a life that up to now, has been, frankly, horrible. Her mom, an addict, left early in Lily's life. She was raised by her horrible father and just broke up with a guy who texted Lily as if she was his other girlfriend. And yet, Lily apologized to him. And comforts the therapist. Lily seemingly accepts her terrible place in life, but the fact she is seeing a therapist suggests she knows... something is wrong.

Bob Trevino (John Leguizamo, The Happening) is unrelated to Lily. He's the construction manager in a small contracting company and he is a push-over. He is friendless, meek and disconnected from his wife, as she lives her life in scrapbooking, involving him little. They lost a child early in their marriage, and never recovered. 

Bob Trevino (French Stewart, Girls! Girls! Girls!) is Lily's father, the horrible man who blames all his woes on Lily. He's a pensioner, constantly seeking a replacement for Lily's mother, dragging her along as a sort of demented idea of a wingman, and blaming her when his own personality torpedoes any chance he has with the ladies. 

After one particular encounter, where Lily mixes up some of his recent (ex) girlfriends with the new one, he cuts her off, stops answering her calls, doesn't answer the door and literally has security called on her. He is such a horrible person, and yet he appears to be Lily's only connection. Oh, she is friends with Daphne (Lolo Spencer, The Sex Lives of College Girls), the disabled woman she is a live-in caretaker for, but Lily doesn't acknowledge that to herself nor Daphne. Unable to get hold of her father, she looks him up on Facebook and bumps into the other Bob Trevino, sending him a friend request -- I am assuming her father has already unfriended her, and she is trying to reconnect their accounts, after all FB was where he shared all the details about his latest GF with Lily. Other Bob Trevino is unfamiliar with FB but needs connection in his life as well; so he clicks Accept almost immediately followed by a Like on one of her posts. Lily is thrilled despite understanding this is an entirely different Bob Trevino.

What follows is a vignette commentary on Social Media. Lily fills up her feed with fond recollections of her life and inane daily statements ("just had the greatest lunch!"), and Bob Likes or replies on each and every one. She loves the validation, and he likes (pun intended) the interaction with someone. He also knows she appears to need something.  Eventually they begin DMing and we observe, with more than a little cringe factor, but also ... how sweet. Bob tells his wife, explains its not like that and promises he won't give Lily any money, because its just online. Then Lily's toilet explodes and ... well, she calls him. He comes over, fixes her toilet and comments, "Shit happens...." That goes up on Facebook. 

Lily and Bob become friends, and more than a little surrogate father & daughter situation. It enables both of them to open up about their feelings about life and connection. Lily is still trying to reconnect with her real father, which when he learns on Other Bob, he tries to get something out of it -- literally asks her to ask him for money. He supports his asking by giving her an itemized list of all the spending he did to raise her. He is so horrible, but with Other Bob in the picture, she is starting to see  this, for real. Sometimes you don't know how bad a situation is until you get a whiff of a better one, or more likely, you don't acknowledge its possible until you see it in front of you.

Should I make a spoiler warning? In a movie like this, things either progress to a happy level, lessons are learned and we smile at the new path laid out before us. Or, things go horribly Late Second Act wrong.

Other Bob dies. His work has always been stressful to him and the elation he feels when he quits it, gives him a heart attack. He doesn't pass immediately, he gets a few weeks with his wife, but then a second one does him in. During this period, his phone is off, and Lily is desperate. No Likes, no contact. She goes to his house, tries to break in and is caught. Lily is losing it. But eventually she tries to move on, actually tries to improve her life, to be a person without either Bob Trevino.

One day she opens FB and sees the post on his page regarding his death from the second heart attack. Lily drives to Indiana, with Daphne whom she is now acknowledging as a proper friend, for the funeral and meets Bob's wife. They embrace, Lily is gifted a scrapbook of her and Bob's entire online history together. Jeannie (Rachel Bay Jones, George & Mandy's First Marriage), Bob's wife, could have freaked out about this weird relationship he had with this messed up stranger, but she saw it all, and saw how it changed her husband. The scrapbook is her gift to him, and to Lily. Begin ugly crying.

The movie is not the sort of thing I normally watch, but it would have been during the heavy days of That Guy, when I was moved more by stories being told, by lives being capture, than by Big Drama and Amazing Situations. This is most definitely melodramatic sentimentality, with more than a little cringe, but its told heartfully. Its the expansion of a premise, and a vignette of a period in a person's life, which quite frankly, are what all movies are -- just moments in long lives. 

Unless you are watching a biopic or a historical drama over a longer period.

3 Short Paragraphs (Or Not): Kraken

2026, Pål Øie (The Tunnel) -- download

Blah blah, insert some repetitive commentary about Norwegians being the only one doing disaster movies these days. But this isn't a disaster movie, is it? No, but kaiju are a type of Natural Disaster, wouldn't you say? And it matters not, as I am always there for a giant monster story, except maybe the Russian movie of the same name that came out the year prior, which struck me more as a mockbuster of this one.

This is where I admit I was entirely suckered by "Clash of the Titans" and their subbing of Cetus (Greek tentacle monster) for The Kraken, which is actually of Norwegian origin.

Johanne (Sara Khorami, Troll 2) is a marine biologist sent to a fish farm in Sogneford, a Norwegian fjord know for having the deepest waters. Something has been causing strange fish behaviour and die-off's which everyone assumes is linked to the revolutionary technology being used at the fish farm, a device that utilizes sonic waves to shake off "fish lice". Think of this as the same ecological impact as fracking, but water-based -- locals are upset with it but its allowing the fish farmer company of bring in Japanese investors, hoping to expand to other fjords.

It starts with disappearances and unexplained deaths -- tourist kids on their jet ski, local kayakers. Meanwhile something is hinky as Johanne investigates the fish farm itself; we immediately do not trust technician Georg (Jon Erik Myer, Furia), while Johanne clashes with the lead technologist Erik (Mikkel Bratt Silset, The Tunnel) who happens to be her ex and has utilized technology they developed together, but eventually abandoned. Meanwhile the daughter of the owner of the fish farm is playing junior eco-terrorist and poking her nose where it shouldn't be.

The movie breezes past any real suspense, doing a cookie-cutter approach to monster movies: unexplained deaths, grim body discoveries, shady corporate antics, old men with monster history, well-meaning scientist, even a Jaws-like "no, we can't close down the water". It all culminates in a silly battle with the kaiju itself when it attacks the fish farm -- the fish-lice tech was going way beyond its self-imposed safety specs and had awakened the beast from its slumber in the deepest parts of the fjord. Stealing cues from Deep Rising, the tentacles "chase" people through duct work and our heroine whispers, "We need to stay quiet !" Why? Tentacles are not ears, unless this movie is postulating that kaiju octopuses listen with their entire body? No matter, they run and hide, bad people are pulled under and Johanne destroys the tech just in time. BUT her and Erik rig up the remaining tech to turn it into a ... bomb? What? How? Whatever, she escapes on her own to trigger the device before being dragged down herself, a heroic sacrifice to save the people of the fjord. Does she kill it? Send it back to its slumber? Who knows; whatever "logic" is at play, it would be tossed aside for any planned sequel.

It was a silly movie that took itself way too seriously, and while it had earnest well-done performances, the characters were all paper thin and the dialogue was common place. The CGI was decent enough but the destruction was far too reserved for a kaiju movie. And yet... I liked it?

Poster commentary. IMP Awards only had the Russian movie. I was amused that Google offered me many versions of the "Kraven" movie poster... only one letter difference, right? The tag-line "only 5% of the ocean has been explored..." has very little to do with this movie.

3 Short Paragraphs (Or Not): Worldbreaker

2025, Brad Anderson (The Machinist) -- download

I recall that when The Machinist came out, Anderson was being lauded as The Next Big Thing. He had just come off the moderately successful, but cult favourite (and on our horror fav list as well) Session 9, but had actually done a few lesser known flicks before that. Nothing really notable grew out of that acclaim, which is really not that very kind of me, as he went on to be one of those hard working, constantly producing directors that I usually sing about. He even did a handful of episodes of one of my favourite shows of all time, Fringe.

This is all a preamble to say that this post-apocalypse movie is well done, actually has vision but ... it will not be remembered, by anyone for anything.

Harsh. Also, "well done" may be too strong as well. Competent.

There is the familiar world building -- people have Gone Too Far and the world has responded by opening The Stitch, basically big cracks in the earth that release creepy-crawly monsters, the Breakers. The monsters are hard to kill, decapitation being the only quick way -- bullets just slow them down, barely. Not only are they killing machines, but their wounds create other monsters, the Hybrids, hive-mind creatures that need to have their brains "smushed" to stop them -- a decapitated Hybrid can still attack. Men turn quicker than women and the movie has some sloppily done commentary that will have some sectors of our society just frothing at the mouth -- the movie literally uses the term not all men.

The plot centers around Willa (Billie Boullet, The Worst Witch), her Dad (Luke Evans, Dracula Untold) and her Mom (Milla Jovovich, Resident Evil). After an opening sequence where they are forced to abandon a fortified settlement, Willa and Dad are separated from other survivors and they escape to an isolated island where Dad begins to train Willa on survival, combat and sword play. And through it all, Willa is fed on stories -- stories of the old world, how Mom and Dad met, and tales of legendary figure Kodiak, a giant of a man, who "slew 100 breakers with one swipe of his axe." It should also be noted that Mom is the leader of these people, a warrior and tactician, a "real" warrior against the mythical male figure of Kodiak -- but she's barely in the movie.

Movies like this, and I know I watch a lot of them, are generally theme-lite, monster & action focused with trauma as characterization. This is no different, but Anderson is trying for something a little different. His use of story telling, myths & legends, is poignant and better put to use than other PoAp stories generally use it (most only use the "shadowy grey-moral-ed warrior comes out of the badlands") but it should have gone all in, instead of muddying the waters with all the usual trappings of these movies. There are passing hints of how Mom is the real mythical figure, and that Dad might have been Kodiak, but the latter couldn't hold any water, but for ego, and while that might have been a more interesting element (that men create male centered myths to inflate their own egos) Dad is never played as that kind of character; he is just a wounded man who played a support role while his wife did the real dirty work. Again, the movie is competent in what it does, but it always felt like it wanted to say more but ... didn't.

3 Short Paragraphs (Or Not): Honey Don't

2025, Ethan Coen (True Grit) -- download

Yes, I love complaining about movies. I love complaining, in general. Maybe "love" is not the right word, but its my default setting. And to be entirely honest, its not a pleasant way to live. So much about so much just bothers me and I have to let others know. To them, I apologize. To you, dear readers, I guess I don't, as you already know that I am challenged about saying nice things about stuff I like.

But, I liked this movie. Maybe so far as a lot. It just felt, from the opening titles, that it was a movie meant to be enjoyed by movie people. So, for the briefest in moments, That Guy returned. I probably liked it a bit more than Kent, and I suggest that may just be because he was so immersed in Coen-ish creations that this did not stand out, at the time. 

OK, neo-noir. That means we get a private detective, one Honey O'Donahue (Margaret Qualley, Drive-Away Dolls); I so much want to call her a "private dick" but I won't - it would be inappropriate. What we don't get are harsh shadows punctuated by flickering neon lights. This is Bakersfield, California and any shadows there are, are blasted away by never ending sunlight. This is a depiction of a place I would love to disappear into with a camera, all faded, worn pastels, all low structures and dusty flat roofs. The movie begins with car crash, where a mysterious Tarantino-ish character steals a ring from a dead woman. That woman was Honey's prospective client and the rest of the movie is about Honey trying to find out why the woman wanted to hire her, and what happened.

Except its not. As Kent pointed out, its a "shaggy dog story", a story telling technique, oft used in comedy, where a sprawling, disconnected, over-descriptive story is told only to end by entirely not getting to the point. Almost all the plot points setup in this movie are, well, not satisfyingly summed up. There is the crime that starts it, and while we find out why, its not the climax you would have expected. There is a corrupted church cum crime syndicate but... oh, that's done with. There is a sexy love story but... oh wow, was not expecting it to end that way. 

The only thing that centers the film is Honey herself, a raunchy entirely self-actualized lesbian. Margaret Qualley just envelopes the role here, sexy as hell, confident and motivated, whether she's giving unsolicited advice to her teenage niece or fending off the advances of a (mostly) harmless police detective. Honey has to put up with a lot of shit, and she knows it. Those clicky-clack heels tell a hell of a character story.

3 Short Paragraphs (Or Not): The Lost Bus

2025, Paul Greengrass (Jason Bourne) -- download

Apparently I like movies about brush fires? But where as Only the Brave was about the brave men fighting the fires, this focused on a bus driver who chooses to save some elementary school kids, when he could have just escaped with his own family. Unlike the former, he actually lives, and this is less biopic and more just a dramatization of a very heroic act. 

Maybe, fire-fighting in the forest adjacent movies, like "Those Who Wish Me Dead"?

Also, apparently Greengrass is the accessible drama-meets-action director that can stir me from hiatus-is. As I am wont to do, after stepping away from films for a little while, settling back into it with a clear Hollywood production, I cannot help but see the trappings of the Purple Suits, but in this case, its not so much the annoyance at interference, but just the recognition of how a modern movie has to be made. 

OK, Paradise, California. One of those northern California towns in the wooded hills that is pretty much the middle of nowhere. The movie begins with high winds and waving, sparking power lines that lead to a grass fire at the base of the tower -- apparently IRL the power company was sued for causing this fire; and they lost. We also meet Kevin McKay (Matthew McConaughey, Mud), a down-on-his-luck sad-sack driving a school bus, pissing off his ex-wife and his boss constantly, trying to reconnect with an irascible teenage son, and not having much luck. He recently moved back to Paradise to help with his ailing mother, after his dad's passing. We get the idea he wasn't leaving much behind. These are all trappings of the clear Hollywood movie I mentioned. 

McConaughey does this kind of role so well -- he always seems to be a bit down-on-his-luck, but to be fair to mid-range Hollywood accessibility, he isn't given much range in this character -- drive the bus, play a fuck-up who obviously redeems himself, BUT given the man's talent, he plays it entirely believably.

Speaking of down-on-his-luck fuck-ups, I wonder if he has ever played a grimy PI ? I mean, yes, "True Detective", but what about gritty, never-shaved, back-alley or strip-mall detective?

The fire spreads, the trucks try to roll in, but the fire is in such an isolated place in the hills, they cannot reach. Fire fighting Chief Martinez (Yul Vazquez, Midnight, Texas) quickly coordinates response but there are challenges everywhere: high winds make aerial bombardment ineffective, the aforementioned accessibility issue, and the high winds cause it to move VERY quickly into populated communities. Evacuations are called for, but even the emergency coordination is chaotic & confused leading to 23 elementary students left at a school in the fire's path. Meanwhile Kevin is having a rough day -- his boss is angry at him (again), his kid is ill and his ex is yelling at him on the phone, and his mother is barely capable of taking care of herself. But when forced to make a choice, he swings his bus around and heads for the kids.

That's what the movie is about -- that fevered, hampered effort to get the kids away from the danger to a safe place. The thing about this movie is that it is well-backed, even for mid-range drama. Thus, the depiction is well sorted out, and the cinematography and lighting is on-point. The mid-morning bright sunlight quickly gives way to dusk's gloom, and then full on moonless-sky-night, as the town is enveloped by the clouds of black smoke. Everyone is evacuating, cell towers have collapsed and even the emergency management system has broken down. Its full on panic and the roads are snarled. What should be a quick 10 minute drive to safety ends up being a scramble to find an expedient path before the fire overruns them.

At Kevin's side is teacher Mary Ludwig (America Ferrera, Barbie) and their journey together is not idyllic. Crying children, flames and smoke, cut-off paths, and fire-engulphed neighbourhoods crush even her steely will to protect those kids. I repeat, the typical trappings are there -- the pep talks, the sharing of personal stuff between the two adults, the bonding between Kevin and one boy from a divorced family. At least Greengrass handles it all well, so my eye-rolling is at a minimum, and all that was easily supplanted by the colour and the lighting of it all. They are literally passing through the Fires of Hell, and you feel it.

I mean, we know they survive. They bust through the wall of flames to the almost surreal calm beyond. But the movie is kind enough to not just end there, giving Kevin a chance be acknowledged for his bravery, before he slinks off to check on his family and feel the relief he has needed all day. Kevin's problems aren't fixed, he is still who he is, and now he has lost his family home. But he survived, and he performed an admirable act. Maybe that one act can make up for many things; but he has to make it matter.