2024, Jerry Ciccoritti (Angel Falls Christmas) - Netflix
It's almost that time.
This was a click-click-click just-something-unthinking choice and while technically it was Hallmark style romantic comedy set at Xmas time, it was not a Hallmarkie at all, for it had interest in the Hallmark-formula, which is something I actually look forward to each season. OK, it did have some minor elements of the formula (dead husband, small town, Xmas dance) it was not adhering to it. As I have said in the past, the formula grew out of the use of a standard set of tropes used in romances, so its not surprising the ultra-low-budget Hallmarkies would just run with them every time.
Anywayz, this post is not a dissection of that genre; I will leave that to the actual season.
Kathy (Lacey Chabert, Lost in Space) runs (despite being keenly aware that she owns the joint, she seemed more the waitress) a small cafe in the picturesque small town of Hope Springs, New York. Since her husband passed away she has let a few things in her life fall apart, such as holes in the roof, furnace on the fritz, etc. But she ha friends who take care of her, including Theo and Mel who run a small vintage shop. Mel gives Kathy a big red scarf claiming it will bring a bit of magic into her life, but Kathy obviously doesn't want any magic because she immediately wraps up the hunky nod-to-David snow sculpture in the town square, in the scarf.
Later that night he comes to life. Hunky nod-to-David is now severely toned Dustin Milligan (Schitt's Creek); I say severely because to get the chiseled body (and not chiseled in snow) like that you have to lose a LOT of body fat, and .... it looks odd on him. Anywayz, naked man in scarf frightens / arouses an elderly couple and falls through the window of the thrift store, but without injury. He does, however steal a mechanic jumpsuit with a nametag and thus ends up named Jack.
The next morning Kathy sees him outside her diner talking to snowmen, assumes he's homeless and damaged, and invites him for food, because Kathy is like that, despite her grief. Thus she ends up tangled in Jack's new found life. And after a very brief visit to a doctor, she is also very quickly alert to the idea that he is a "snowman come to life." Seems like a rather abrupt leap of faith, but sure, whatever. And it isn't helped by the doctor being horny for him, but that is on-brand for the actress (Katy Mixon Greer, Mike & Molly).
You are recapping like it was a Hallmarkie, which I get it is supposed to be kind of emulating but...
Meeeeanwhile, the local fuzz, Sheriff Doug Judy (Craig Robinson, Brooklyn 99) and his porn-stached Deputy Boyle (Joe La Truglio, Brooklyn 99) are out looking for the streaker / burglar (of the vintage shop) with the mindset they are on the trail of the Pontiac Bandit. As Jack, as they are now calling him, was literally "born yesterday", Kathy shoves him into her in-need-of-repairs house to hide him, while she goes back to work. He watches TV where he learns everything he needs to know about life. I guess Magically Given Life Snowmen are massive sponges for knowledge. I suggest creating a few more and feed them entirely on ecological science & philanthropy, so we can have a super-scientist by the end of the week. He makes pizza which proves better eaten cold; not sure how he handled the oven though.
Next day he gets all the neighbourhood horny old ladies even hornier as he stands on the roof to fix her leak. But the leak was on the main floor, and he is on the second story roof, so I guess there are lots of leaks? Anywayz, he is shirtless a lot -- my boy Dustin needs a sandwich. Also, the Horny Old Ladies take him to the elementary school where he becomes.... janitor? Fix-it Guy?
Anywayz, at the diner, he is getting hot (temperature hot, not Horny Old Lady hot) and they realize, along with some hijinx involving Sheriff Doug Judy that he might get discovered as a snowman, cuz inside the diner, he begins melting. Remember, her house is in need of repairs, as in no-furnace, so I guess he is OK there? Anywayz, working at the school has him helping out with the Winter Dance Thing where he wants to take Kathy. Let's just say she's "warming up" to him... hyuk hyuk hyuk; but that's probably a bad thing for many reasons.
Anwayz, Doug Judy, while being an wee bit unhinged, ends up arresting Jack after doing some real detective work, and tosses him into a nice warm (!!!) jail cell. That brings all the town's folk to the square where they give an impassioned speech about saving Jack the IRL Snowman, because I guess they are all instantly fine with magical realism? Sure, run with it, I mean they have that nutjob as a Sheriff and are OK with it.
They do save him, but .... IT'S TOO LATE !! He has melted into a puddle died. But True Love's Kiss revives him suddenly and also makes him A Real Boy to boot. Kathy now gets to smooch a three-day-old boy -- ick. Happy Happy.
What about the coda where they show Doug Judy, who has had a great change of heart and returned to his criminal ways so he can procure a fake identity for Jack.
It was cute, but it was also typical Holiday Romance bad, which I guess is exactly what we are looking for, even if it is not trying to be a trope laden, formula following Hallmarkie.
Kent's post. We agree for the most part?
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