2024, Heather Hawthorne Doyle (Confessions of a Christmas Letter) -- download
The Draw: It has a red truck !! It was the red truck that suckered me in.
HERstory: Desi (totally not an Indian name, for that would mean she's foreign; Candace Cameron Bure, Full House) owns and runs a cafe in a PST. But obviously runs it badly, cuz the bills are stacking up and a family appears to pick up a take-away order and then hints with eyebrows that they don't have any money. Why the fuck are you ordering take-away if you cannot afford take-away??!? I mean, if Desi had some pre-arranged situation where certain families could order free food, then she would know that before they showed for pickup. But anyway, if Desi wants to save the cafe, she she better get some cash, like right away, and maybe considering selling her dad's vintage red Ford truck, cuz lots of people would like it. Buuut its the last tie to the memory of her Dead Dad so it hurts to even consider selling it, even though she hasn't touched the thing since he died.
Meanwhile a Guy (Eric Johnson, Flash Gordon: a Modern Space Opera) from the Big City is stalking her, while talking on his phone about how he has to choose just the right moment. Sneaking onto her property with its motion activated singing snowmen was probably not they best way. But it gets her into the garage where she pulls a tarp revealing her dad's truck, complete with a cassette in the tape player marked "Desi #1". Also, before she was drawn outside by Stalker Guy, she was posting the sale to a .. I don't know, Facebook Marketplace (?) for $15K.
So, the tape tells her a sob story (OK, be fair, its moving) of how in his last days her Dead Dad wish they had pulled together more after his wife died, but they spent so many years just avoiding each other, not dealing well with grief (never realized exactly how prevalent badly processed grief was a part of Hallmarkies) and that was why she was away at "culinary school" when he was diagnosed with a deadly unspecified condition, and he died only a week after she returned home. But the tape gives her a Quest, a drive to a place they used to go when she was a kid called Treasure Cove Bluff (wrong movie) where her mom used to release "Red Balloons for God" or something... basically the idea of burning prayers or wishes or regrets but sending them via helium to Heaven. And along the way, on the Quest, she has a few pit stops.
Meanwhile Stalker Guy is arguing with his phone over approaching her before its too late. Too late for what? He does not make friends at her diner, nor does he make friends with her as he spills coffee on one of her customer's scratchers. And he parked on the wrong side of the motel parking lot, so his car has barely iced over and is undriveable. Apparently everyone in Snow Covered PSTs knows where not to park overnight, but people from Miami (his Big City) do not. OK then, but he says he is going to the same place she's going "for business", which is weird, because the movie reveals its not a town or place, just a stop on the road, and she would know this, so what kind of "business" could he have there (?) and offers her lots of money if she can let him tag along. She doesn't like this Big City Slicker (Stalker) but needs the money so, "Go buy your own snacks." He buys a green goo drink and avoids candy canes, cuz sugar.
The first pit stop is an sweet country Inn run by a sweet country couple. They instantly recognize her, which is kind of weird, because she has no idea who they are and only knows the place as where her parents went on their honeymoon. There is a snow storm blowing in, and Stalker Guy is annoyed they have to say. Given he has no idea where this Treasure Bluff is, I guess he has no idea its a multi-day trip. Also, he has lost his luggage because he didn't close the tail gate properly AND he spilled green goo drink all over himself. Technically she did driving erratically but its all his fault for being startled. Anywayz, the nice couple invite them in (its a business so they probably invite everyone in) and they stay the night in a single room (that sofa ain't made for sleeping if you are over 4') wearing borrowed onesies. Admittedly the onesies are cute, and he is not as annoyed as a Miami Big City Slicker should be considering he is stuck in the backwoods in the cold without a change of clothes or a toothbrush. But apparently he has a gooey centre as he players the guitar and helps the Old Guy cut down an Xmas Tree, which they all decorate together. He also shares some personal details about being raised by a single mom who became a lawyer, and then rich.
Back on the road, the next pit stop is a Country Bazaar, which I guess is a roadside Xmas Fair, but the place they pit stopping for is a pet adoption VW van, which offers free pet grooming. But apparently knowledge or skill at said offering is not required because owner Big Mike immediately sticks Desi and ... OK, let's give Stalker Guy a name, Greyson, on the duty. Cue cute dog montage but really the dogs don't look any different after the grooming. And, of course, Big Mike has another tape for Desi. Big Mike's assistant confesses to Greyson that this is the last year they will run this pet adoption agency as they are out of funds. Their pit stop ends at a local drive in, where they watched a faith-based Xmas movie, and apparently sleep in the truck overnight without the cops hassling them.
Next pit stop is at a church, because of course it is. They meet the lady rehearsing the kids for the Nativity Play, and while Greyson entertains the kids, she has a heart 2 heart, learning that her father and Random Church Lady had a relationship, but never committed to it (i.e. never got married) because of guilt and grief and other stuff. And another tape.
Back on the road, he is about to confess whatever he's been up to, when Polly From the Diner calls with the real story, so we can have a proper complication before he makes all nice nice. Apparently Greyson's mother and Desi's father got to know each other (Dead Dad really got around) and apparently his devotion and faith and ... sigh... other propaganda... convinced Greyson's mom to "find her faither" which also apparently led to becoming a very wealthy lawyer, so after she died, she left half her estate to Desi. And that's why Stalker Guy (he gets re-dubbed this now) was stalking her, because he and his brother want to contest the will. Buuuut because of the Getting to Know Her, he has had a change of heart, but that doesn't matter, so she kicks him out of the truck and heads on her last leg of the journey to the Treasure Bluff.
Insert a product placement for The Salvation Army.
Desi does make it to the Bluff, and finds the red balloons Greyson hid there for her, so she could continue her old family tradition. Also, as he finds his way back to the diner, where I assume his car has thawed out, he makes a couple of "money makes everything right" pit stops. Back in the diner, after she has released the balloons and speed run home (it doesn't take three days this time) she hears that Greyson has called into the dripping-with-sentimentality radio show and poured out his heart, and Desi forgives him because he will no longer contest the will, and he has paid off all her friends, and he has bought the truck, cuz money makes everything right in the world. And they kiss.
To be honest, I really do believe money gives opportunity to Do Good when you can let go of all the other burdens of life.
The Formulae: A wee bit, in that someone comes from a Big City (Miami) to a PST (we don't actually see much of it, but it has a Beloved Diner...) which is In Financial Trouble. Desi has a Dead Dad, and Greyson has a Dead Mom. There was an Xmas Fair, with puppies. They also have not found long lasting love in life, but can you call that a trope, cuz you wouldn't have much of a romance if they weren't single. Maybe "faith based" Hallmarkies cannot have someone fall for someone else while still in a relationship with someone else, even if that Someone Else is a stinker? Of course, there is a complication. And then there is the RED TRUCK, which was really nice, if not a 40s truck like most are.
Unformulae: No real Xmas Event, no red dresses which is always a loss to me. No ex-partner complication, but see previous paragraph for that.
True Calling? I guess? I guess cuz she hasn't done that particular road trip in a long time, and also not thought about all those memories in a long time, it is less travelled?
The Rewind: Nothing really worth remembering.
The Regulars: Candace Cameron Bure started doing these way back in 2008, but eventually she must have thought Hallmark was being too "open minded" and moved over to off-brand, more Xian based productions. Eric Johnson has done quite a few.
How does it Hallmark? It doesn't. I mean, yeah sure, it has the most basic of the elements but wow, was I soured by the Xian-based drinking game portions of the movie. I have no problem with characters having Faith (capital F) but this movie comes as part of an agenda based production company. And reading a bit about how Cameron Bure helped start the company, and had been quoted how Hallmark is a, "completely different network than when I started" shows she wasn't happy with the idea they were becoming more progressiver. So, fuck her and fuck her company.
How does it movie? Nope.
How Does It Snow? Not bad actually. There is real snow in a LOT of scenes and that was real ice covering Greyson's car.
I thought I had warned you about GAF (formerly GAC), but looks like lesson learned.
ReplyDeleteI worried that Hallmark was regressing but no, they"re just adjusting the model. GAF is regressive, and can continue sinking down their niche hole.
You probably did, but I didn't even know it was GAF until the credits rolled. As you know, I don't do any research (or barely any) when choosing the movies to watch. I kind of want the experience to reflect on the original experience, wherein I turned on the TV and one was already starting, and I would just sit down and watch.
DeleteAnother thought about my reaction to the movie, one not so favourable. I find my reaction comparable to THEIR reaction to movies with LGBTQ2S+ themes, in that they see a nefarious agenda. I am fine with "faith" being in a movie as long as they don't hit me over the head with it, which is comparable to the "I don't mind gay people as long as they don't throw it my face." Neither responses are good ones. Now, that is not to say that GAF isn't bearing an actual agenda, which is anti-many-things, wherein any movie which bears progressive ideas has one minor agenda -- give visibility to minority aspects of society and work to normalize normal people. Meanwhile GAF would feel a new to hide those things away and pretend they don't exist. It COULD chose to show that having faith means love and charity for ALL, but it doesn't because its demographic doesn't want to accept all. So, fuck em.