T&K's XMas (2024) Advent Calendar: Day 23 - Three Wise Men and a Baby

2022, Terry Ingram (The Christmas Note) -- download

As I have seen far fewer of the establishing movies, and their staple actors, than Kent, and because I do so little active research into what is good, I decided to grab a pair of what Kent considered good. 

The Draw: Cuz Kent said it was good.

HERstory: No HerStory, its THEIRstory, and no not a chosen pronoun, but THEY as in the three Main Guys! That's neat! No main lady, its all men. And no not a Gay Hallmarkie either, not that there's anything wrong with that, its about three brothers and a baby boy. Yes, they ripped off that movie. Are we surprised? Its not like Hallmarkies have any shame to begin with.

Anywayz, we got a snowy flyover of the Big City (PST [not quite a PST actually] is called Spruce Grove, but I think its a suburb of Seattle?) to meet the first Brenner Brother, Firefight Luke (Andrew Walker, The Big Bang Theory) who is doing a fitcheck in the mirror. Next up we get Video Gamer Taylor (Tyler Hynes, Warehouse 13) getting fired from his video game interface designer job for being a Big Dick, and at the Company (Funnen Games... snort) Xmas Party no less. "Nobody likes you!" shouts one of his (ex)coworkers. And finally we meet the third brother, Pet Therapist Stephan (Paul Campbell, Battlestar Galactica) who likes pets but is afraid of people.

And to get to know the brothers better, we get fun little introductions as to where they live. Video Gamer lives in the basement (because, of course he does) while Pet Therapist lives in ... the pool house (?) in the back yard while I guess Firefighter Luke lives somewhere else in the house, as his own house is still being built.... 8 months later, but at least he spends most of his time in the firehall.

And because Firefighter Luke spends a lot of time at the firehall, its no surprise he meets the baby first, a baby boy left with a note, "Don't worry, I will be back my Xmas." Starting off the movie with child abandonment? Its too late to call Child Services so he takes the baby back to his mom's place. Buuut mom has to jet because Aunt Louise hurt herself and someone needs to be with her.

Next day, Firefighter Luke has to actually work for the day so unemployed Video Gamer and Pet Therapist get to figger out how to take care of a baby. Of course, its a disaster for the most part, with Pet Therapist stepping out briefly to meet his one (?) client, the talkative Redhead (Fiona Vroom, Human Target) who definitely fancies him. That leaves Video Gamer to go shopping for the baby -- the least the Absent Mom could have done was leave a basket of the necessities with the Baby. There are actually some chuckle moments as he tries to guess what to buy -- "Did you buy adult diapers?!?!?" Pet Therapist returns to mock his brother claiming he can bake cookies AND take care of a baby; bzzzzzzt. Burned Cookies and a screaming baby, but Firefighter Luke returns just in time to take care of everything. He really does have his shit together compared to the other two.

Exceeeeept the next day when he goes shopping and grabs the wrong baby. Da fuq is that baby's hair ?!?!? 

But that's alright, the Police fix everything. 😳

The next day, they hear from Mom (Margaret Collin, Three Men and a Baby) who is snowed-in and will not be returning anytime soon. So all three brothers are off to the Xmas Fair baby in tow, and it is at this point that I notice they never actually call the baby by his name (Thomas) which they do know, but .... ? Anywayz, Video Gamer runs into his ex (Ali Liebert, Director; Christmas in Notting Hill), who is also his ex-coworker, and its obviously they still have a thing for each other, but he's a loser so.... Anywayz, COOL ELF COSTUMES !!  They end up Xmas tree shopping where they argue over which tree is best, "The noble fir, its fer shure." Or something to that effect; there are quite a few chuckle-worthy / quotable moments in this movie.... for a Hallmarkie.

They bump into the Neighborhood Bully, Mark LaClark (that's such a Dick Name; Matt Hamilton, Legion), with his, "Wot up Nerds?" Seriously, not even Video Gamer deserves the Nerd moniker. They learn on the neighborhood House Decorating contest and decide they need to win it, for mom. Later on there is tree decorating and that brings in all the incidental characters (Video Gamer's ex, and Pet Therapist's Redhead) and they start planning a plan to win. And that all ends in the most definite Rewind moment, as the brothers all dance "Dance of the Sugar Plum". Its a most "okey dokey" (toasty code for befuddlement) moment but was just grand!

But what would a Hallmarkie without a complication. Firefighter Luke is delayed at the firehall for a kid whose Dead Dad was the late station chief, but it delays him enough that the brothers lose it on Firefighter Luke, who then completely loses his shit on them over having been their proxy-Dad after their real father abandoned the family. Buuuut this is interrupted when Pet Therapist discovers the Baby has a rash and rushes him to the Emergency Room, where Rando Doctor (Kimberly Sustad, Travelers) tells them it was ... a tooth? Does teething cause rashes? Whatever, I am sure this Hallmarkie knows as much about babies as I do (Toasty = Cat Dad) but that does draw the brothers together again for a heart 2 heart, and a make-up.

Oh yeah, they still have a Xmas Lights competition to .... lose? Yah even with the help of the other incidental characters, their Nativity based lights display is.... shit? Dick Neighbour wins again! But that's alright, cuz they get to play the Three Wisemen (get it, GET IT ??!?) and then Mom reappears as Aunt Louise is doing fine. And there are Xmas Carols, and then, oh yeah, the OTHER Mom appears, as in The Baby's Mom. And Pet Therapist confesses to his Redhead that he likes her -- does Pet Therapy have conflicts of interest with their clients? Also, Video Gamer heads over to his old company to confess to his ex that he's a Dick (typo as 'a duck' was much more funny) and that he will help his old team finish the game in time for Xmas. I guess they are a digital-release only company cuz.... well, you know. Also, he got his job back. And finally, Firefighter Luke goes to The Other Mom to present her with the ornament of the baby's footprint that the brothers made, and to tell her she was very brave for abandoning her Baby a week before Xmas so she could "find herself" again. Yeah, I am judgey, very judgey. 

ONE YEAR LATER !!

A House Warming of ... Luke New House. He's gotten together with The Other Mom (he has hasn't he? or is that just the sequel talking?), Video Gamer is with his ex, and Pet Therapist is with his Redhead. Also, Dick Neighbour shows up. 

Happy Life!

The Formulae: Very little. But there are a few things for show such as an Xmas Fair, some ice skating, buying and decorating an Xmas Tree, some miserable baking, and a conflict needing repair.

Unformulae: I mean, its primarily Comedy and secondarily a romcom? And it rips off Three Men and a Baby without any shame?

True Calling? Yup.

The Rewind: The "Dance of the Sugar Plum" dance.

The Regulars: All three of the mains are staples in any Hallmarkie Xmas Diet Plan, as well as some of the incidentals and the cameo by Kimberly Sustad is a chuckle, considering her and Paul Campbell wrote the movie. 

How does it Hallmark? You know, one I dispense with the idea that they have to follow The Formula and that it has to be Primarily Romance, this is a fun, easily digested Xmas Comedy perfect for their channel. I mean, I actually LOL.

How does it movie? Almost but not quite. I rewatched Last Christmas last night which is a properly funded, script and directed Xmas RomCom and you can see that even with the lesser examples, there is right proper Movie Making present, which is not present in (most) Hallmarkies. Then again, I bet if I dug through my deep past, I would find very low budgets Xmas Movies that were meant to be inserted in between "opening the presents" and "eating the Xmas Dinner" IRL.

How Does It Snow? I don't remember....