2023, d. Prarthana Mohan - CTV
Ireland!
THEIRstory:
Oh no, a Marvista production. A terrible opening song (I tried to google it and I got no matches but one of the three suggested matches was "Wet Vagina" by Doja Cat at 21%). A snowfall over, I want to say, stock footage of Chicago, but, oh no, it's just a photo of Chicago with a snow globe in front of it. Random pictures of our leads with their families and hobbies and a quick entry into Jack (Justin Long) in a loud red xmas jumper pulling food out of the oven without oven mitts saying he's developed a tolerance from working at a pizza place in high school (like that's a thing). Jack and Caroline (India Mullen) are throwing a holiday party and someone brings their kid (! for shame) and Jack is completely taken with the kid. Caroline looks unimpressed. Post-party, Jack brings up the idea of trying, but Caroline is vying for a VP position, and likes her child-free life, and grew up in a big family and really disliked the chaos..
Cut to Ballyogue Ireland, with Caroline returning home for Christmas, and her family pub, where things seem...different. The pub isn't busy (at 10 am, just two barflies). Is it not the Perfect Small Town she remembers, but Jacks seems to think so. Arriving at home-home, Caroline and Jack greet the family, including one sister (or in-law) with a baby (and Caroline kind of recoils at the site of a baby, again), and another sister (or in-law) with two monstrous scamps who tear out the door the moment it's open like a housecat longing to be out in wild.
Caroline inquires with Mom about the pub's slow patronage, and Mom brings up Cormac O'Leary, Caroline's high school sweetheart, who has opened up a fancy new place in town (obviously competing with Dad's place) and is good looking to a threatening level for Jack (also 'cause it seems Jack is a fair bit older than Caroline and he's maybe a bit insecure about it).
Jack runs into other family out on the football pitch where he learns about Gaelic football from Caroline's niece Saiorse. Her brother's out on the pitch, but he's not good, but she is but she doesn't feel welcome to play. Traditional gender roles are clearly a thing in PST Ireland. Apparently Caroline's dad and Cormac O'Leary have made a bet on a Christmas Eve Gaelic football match that the losing team of the match will close down their pub. Given that Leary's is already trouncing Reilly's I'm guessing the bet was Caroline's dad's last ditch idea (but nope, it was the brothers. Dad is selling the pub but I guess they don't know that? Why not? Oh, and "closing down the pub" bet is just for Christmas Eve, I guess the busiest pub night in town?).
Caroline talks with the sisters( in-laws?) about families and the foreshadowing of Caroline quitting her job to return to the PST and save her family pub, and start a family is a stomach churning level of upsetting. Jack meanwhile is all about hanging out with the kids, playing, coaching, teaching and learning. A nighttime talk of kids again doesn't get contentious but it's clear Caroline is uncomfortable with even the idea of kids.
The next morning, Caroline tells the sisters (in-laws?) that she wants to go visit Cormac's pub to "check out the competition" (knowing teasing) and asks them to come. Jack says he'll look after the boys (and their harnesses) and the baby and take them to the Christmas Market. Caroline frets about whether Jack is capable of actually being responsible for the kids. The moment he steps outside the two scamps just bolt again.
Cormac's pub is packed in the AM. The sisters (in-law?) sing karaoke (Fairytale of New York) while Caroline talks to Cormac. She tries to be resentful of him stealing her dad's business but he clearly has a head for what works and he's dedicated to it. Also, he doesn't want kids or a family. Caroline drops a "Wow, I should have married you." He tells her to stop worrying about what everyone else is doing and decide what she wants. He also drops that they're almost 30. Justin Long is, like, my age, which puts a good 15+ years between Jack and Caroline. Also, Caroline throws up in the bathroom at Leary's and she's maybe preggos(!). So she pops out to the chemists for a pregnancy test, which of course is when she runs into a nosy neighbour.
Jack feeds the scamps sugar, and has to change a baby, which gives the scamps time to bolt again, all sugared up. So he has to chase them through town, leading to a very awkward run in with Caroline outside the chemists. One of the scamps climbs up to the top of a scissor lift, and Jack has to get him, despite being afraid of heights, so he straps the baby to a fiberglass Santa. Nosy neighbour takes the baby, and Jack, returning to the family is in total shit as all of his "cool uncle" plans blow up in his face and the whole family is cross with him. And of course, that night, when Caroline finds out she's pregnant is when Jack starts doubting whether he wants kids.
The next morning the brothers (in-law?) drag Jack out to the pitch after he convinced Saoirse's awkward brother to quit the team. Jack's just a mess out there, somehow never where you need him to be, but always in the way. Jack takes an elbow on purpose to get out of the match and convince Saoirse's dad to let her play. And of course she makes all the difference.
And suddenly Caroline is doing a 180 and wants to buy Dad's pub and Jack can DJ there, and they can have a family and Jack is just reeling from Caroline's dramatic shift. Caroline is clearly panicking. Caroline has a talk with Dad, and Dad tells her he's not selling her the pub. She's got a life and career elsewhere. Good talk.
Jack and Caroline finally have a talk and get back on the same page. They tell the family of the baby, and have a rollicking Christmas Eve in an Irish pub.
The Formulae:
A Christmas market. So much family. Mom always busy in the kitchen. The low-stakes race for the couple to find each other and reconcile.
Unformulae:
Drinking. Sex jokes. Ireland! And the female lead doesn't give up her life, even though it seems to be going that way. That was a bit of a surprise.
True Calling?
No, not at all. "Christmas Break" usually is a term for the period when the kids are off school, but that's not really the deal here. The double meaning could be "break" as in the couple are "on a break", but that's not it either. So I don't get it.
The Rewind:
The first 65 seconds of the movie I've already rewound three times, because the pictures they use in the opening montage are so dense with details it's hard to parse it all out, but also because there's a picture of Justin Long in a terrible costume by a banner that reads "LARP" that I just needed to capture.
It unfortunately doesn't come into play at all.
The Regulars:
Being that it's set in Ireland and the whole cast is Irish, no regulars. Justin Long did just do a Hallmarkie last year called Christmas With The Campbells, which seemed a bit of a lark, but now I wonder if Long is just totally into doing Christmas Movies? Also this year he did the Christmas horror It's A Wonderful Knife.
How does it Hallmark?
You know, not bad. And for being a Marvista production, really not bad. Marvista is responsible sometimes for the worst Hallmarkies ever (A Royal Corgi Christmas anyone?). Getting outside of the usual stable of local or Canadian actors by being in another country often seems to help these productions. There's normally a lot of bad acting, but even the kid actors here are really quite good (the scamps are great). And they don't try to decorate this Irish town from an American perspective, it all feels very homey, and Christmassy despite not having a tonne of decorations, or any fake snow and whatnot. There's even a few good chuckles.
I have to say though, I am disappointed this didn't give me a really old school Hallmarkie experience, where the girl goes back home to her perfect small town and rekindles a bit of a flame with her high school boyfriend and has to save a family business and thinks about giving up her big city job for PST life, but then her dick BF arrives, only in this case he's actually a nice BF, but one who she thinks was pressuring her into something she didn't want only to discover she actually did. But with Justin Long on board, he needed a lot more to do so he's along for the ride to start and it's more a "THEIRstory" then it is a "HERstory". Oh well.
How does it movie?
Nah. It still falls into the under-written, chliche driven storyline, and doesn't have anything new to say. And the production values are still pretty thrifty.
How Does It Snow?
No snow. None. Except the opening fake out of the Chicago skyline that turned out to be a snow globe.
No comments:
Post a Comment