What have I learned about both Godzilla -- and myself -- that I didn't know before?
First, I had always assumed I had seen plenty of Godzilla on Sunday morning TV, but turns out very little of this was familiar to me. I'm sure I had watched some of these over the years, but to be honest, without ever having steeped myself into the lore before, I really couldn't tell one from the other.
What you realize in binge watching Godzilla is there's not nearly as much Godzilla in each movie as you think there would be. I remember when the Gareth Edwards Godzilla came out in 2014 that there were a lot of detractors saying "not enough Godzilla". But when you go back to the original first wave of Toho features, there is truly not that much Godzilla in them.
I recall in my younger years that whatever Godzilla movies I had watched, I had this very same reaction: not enough Godzilla. I think I always intended to seek out the ones that did have more, I just never got around to learning that there really weren't any. What I feel as an adult is that the best Godzilla movies have human characters you like, and, better yet, care about. Even the best of those, though, don't ever seem to figure out what to do in the third act when the kaiju battle is taking place. The human story tends to be a two-act structure as set-up for a men-in-rubber-suits wrestling match.
It's amazing to learn that the first film spawned a much lesser-than sequel, and then the third film was actually the Kong crossover. The fourth and fifth were yet again more crossovers with Mothra and Rodan, although the trend became to spotlight a new kaiju rather than Godzilla for a while.
A surprising number of these movies revolve around space aliens trying to take over Earth, too many in fact. The films are often convoluted, taking wild twists and turns to always wind up in the same place of a monster battle. In their own way, they're formulaic like Hallmark movies, and much like Hallmark movies, these Toho films use the same stable of actors in different combinations as different characters. It's part of its charm, to be sure, but it also exposes the underlying cheapness to it all.
With the exception of the original, it's not until Godzilla vs Hedorah that it feels like the franchise attempts to be cinematic again. It does take some WILD experimentation in that movie to drag Toho kicking and screaming into the 70's era of filmmaking but it does get there. The final 5 movies of this era are probably its most watchable. It's also so very stylish. The clothes, the hair, the cars. The men all look sexy, the women all look cute, the earth tones and fall colours are to die for.
The series contains only a very small sense of continuity from one film to the next, but usually by two films removed it has forgotten its past. By Destroy All Monsters we've reached the turn of the century, and then three films later, with Godzilla vs. Megalon we're back in the 1970s. In Destroy All Monsters, King Ghidorah is clearly killed, but he's back again in Godzilla vs. Gigan (its very possible this is a timeline thing but I don't care to delve that deeply. The lore just isn't that strong, nor intentional).
The series clearly makes a shift from turning Godzilla from heel to face. By the time of Invasion of the Astro-Monster, he's at worst chaotic neutral. By All Monsters Attack children are idolizing him. It neuters a very intimidating, very scary cinematic creation, and honestly, outside of Hedorah, there's no creature that's been as scary as Godzilla himself.
The Godzilla costume goes through a real journey through the 20-ish years of the Showa Era...from thick and bulky in the original film, to loose and wrinkly in the 60s films, to a stabilized look throughout the 70's. The suits of the 70's start looking better and better, except for Anguiras, who always looks goofy and awkward.
I don't think I realized just how silly so much of Godzilla was, and the silly business of Godzilla is some of my least favourite business. I hated Godzilla dancing in Astro-Monster, and I hate the Mothra conversation with Godzilla and Rodan in Ghidorah. By the 70's they had learned how to use camp effectively so the silly business in Gigan or Megalon I find easier to swallow...for the most part. Frankly, the kaiju battles are just silly anyway, so adding intentionally silly shit to them seems like a hat on a hat filled with whip cream. The drive of course was to appeal to children. Turning Godzilla hero was about appealing to kids, and so the films became more and more tailored for that. I definitely don't mind entertainment for children...I enjoy it often, but it has to be smart, and treat the kids like they're smart, and not pander. Pandering Godzilla is not great.
I fell asleep through a great many of these movies. I don't know if it was the films or just being overworked, lacking sleep, having too much to do while Lady Kent was away...or if it's that the films are...well, kind of repetitive and boring. Even though most of them are between 80 and 90 minutes, a lot of them seem overlong or padded, especially without interesting characters to drive them.
There were clear standout films for me, and then there were the rest. I'm almost tempted to say I don't even like Godzilla movies after all this, but that's a half-truth. I'm excited to step into the Heisi era and see what influence the 80's and 90's boom in action and sci-fi production had on the series, as well as the dramatic advances in special effects. But if the story structures wind up the same, I'm not sure if it'll make any difference. I got really bored with tiny tanks and planes firing their arsenals on Godzilla, and likewise, with the exception of the latter Showa-era films, I found the Kaiju battles pretty tepid, goofy or ludicrous.
I think there's a trigger in one's brain for falling in love with "suitmation", and what surprises me the most is I don't seem to have that trigger. There are kaiju fans out there who live to see men in rubber wrestle on top of miniature trees or buildings, but I don't think I'm one of those guys (as much as I appreciate the craft of miniatures and suits). Maybe with later-era art design and filming techniques I'll find some passion for it, but throughout much of Showa era, I just wanted a good human story and for the monster fights to be over quickly.
Ranking Showa Era Godzilla
16. King Kong vs. Godzilla (US Version) - maddeningly bad
15. Godzilla: King of the Monsters (US Version) - less maddeningly bad, but still maddeningly bad
14. Son of Godzilla - pandering kiddie crap
13. Godzilla Raids Again - just boring
12. Invasion of the Astro-Monster - surprisingly boring
11. Ghidorah the Three-Headed Monster - the start of anthropomorphism, boo
10. All Monsters Attack - a pretty good short drama merged with a bad Godzilla clipshow
9. Destroy All Monsters - what most consider a high point took me four attempts to get through
8. Godzilla vs. Megalon - silly, but good silly
7. Godzilla vs. Gigan - good silly, just less silly, but still good
6. Godzilla vs. Hedorah - a valiant attempt to shake up the franchise, a very, very weird movie
5. Terror of Mechagodzilla - much needed feminine energy.
4. Ebirah, Horror of the Deep - a great adventure with great characters, and the best final fight pre-70s
3. Godzilla vs. Mechagodzilla - a film just loaded to the gills with everything you want
2. Gojira - the original is the most potent of any of them
1. Godzilla vs. Mothra - the "Goldfinger" of the franchise, setting the template for what it's to become
In my rankings the top three are kind of interchangeable...any of them could take top spot. The next three (4-6) are equally interchangeable in my ranking, as I changed the order of them many times. 7&8 are quite solidly in place as enjoyable, good-looking entertainment, where as 9 through 14 are the stereotypical Showa era films that I just don't care about. The final two are the American versions of Toho films, edited with new footage to pander to the American audience, and they really, really suck. A lot.
Kaiju Top 5
There are a LOT of giant monsters introduced in these 16 films. I don't feel like looking them all up, and most of them looked like hot rubber garbage, so here are my favourites:
Special Mention: Gigan. I want to love Gigan, the daddest of dad-bod kaiju, with big metal hooks for hands, and a cybernetic cyclopian eye, and a weird metal beak. But he has a buzz saw in his belly and I just can't get over that.
5. Hedorah. It's like The Blob, but made of toxic sludge, and it flies instead of seeps and creeps.
4. Megalon. A beetle-thing with big jagged handless metal arms. I love its weird metal mandibles.
3. Ebirah. A giant lobster beast, but what a fantastic looking giant lobster beast
2. Godzilla. Because of course. I mean, I hate the suit through the bulk of the Showa era, but the original film looks great and the 70's films get to the Godzilla know and like.
1. Mothra (moth form). I didn't like Mothra as a kid, but something about her just works for me as an adult. I don't really care for her larval form, but I love her beautiful, colourful, furry moth self.
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Next up, the Heisei Era, starting with The Return of Godzilla (or the U.S. version, Godzilla 1985).
But before that, just a straight up review of Godzilla Minus One, a theatrical experience that, no lie, may have accelerated my hearing loss.
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