Go-Go-Godzilla: final thoughts and ranking

 Last year, on Halloween, when I decided to start watching All The Godzillas*, I didn't know that there was both a new Toho Godzilla and Legendary Godzilla feature in the direct path of my stupid boy project. It was genuine good fortune that my viewing experience culminated with the release of Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire. 

I also didn't expect that, just a few weeks prior to GxK, I would be cheering for a crew of Japanese visual effects artists as they held their Godzilla action figures in one hand and their Oscar in the other. Or that the best of all Godzilla films would be that latest Toho production.

As I reflect upon viewing  All The Godzillas*, it's a pretty messy blur of textured suits, destroyed miniatures and radiation blasts. If you were to pick out any pre-2010 Godzilla title and ask me to explain to you the plot, with the exception of the original Gojira I'm not sure that I could.  The Toho films run through so many of the same tropes and iterations of the same creatures, they reuse so many of the same actors in different roles, and their plots are so often labyrinthine or nonsensical or convoluted, and rarely ever with connective tissue from one film to the next, that it's really hard to make one stand out from the whole.  

Rather than a full or rich understanding of story or character, with each of the pre-2010 Toho films I am left with instead an impression, a sense of something that I liked or disliked about it, something that I reacted strongly or negatively to.

As I've said a few times, what I respond to most in Godzilla films is a strong character story. In almost every Godzilla film, Godzilla is not really a character. He is what the film is built around, weather as a force of nature, or as a planetary protector... he may have characteristics, or perhaps even a bit of personality, but he's never the central story character, certainly not like Kong usually is. I don't recall ever feeling a tremendous sense of sympathy or empathy for Godzilla.  Sure, you root for or against the big bastard, but you're never invested in him for his wants and desires, biting nails hoping he achieves his objectives.  And if Godzilla ever stares down a human, it's usually anyone's guess whether their monster is even clocking human facial expressions. Have you ever stared an ant in the eye and felt a genuine connection? There should be nothing remotely human about Godzilla, and he shouldn't care about us as a species at all.

As I wrote up each film for this "Go-Go-Godzilla" series, I assigned each film a ranking (out of 5 Zs). I also would enter my viewing in Letterboxd, assigning the film a ranking out of 5 stars. For the most part these rankings aligned (but not always, sometimes as I write things out my opinions can become more, or less, favourable). But I used these ratings to maintain my rankings list, adding to it with each film watched.

Very quickly the rankings list started to feel more and more arbitrary. By the time I was watching Tokyo S.O.S. do you really think I could earnestly compare it to Godzilla vs Megalon? All I really have to go on is my Z/star ratings as guide to establish tiers and then my general sense memory to sort the films within the tiers.

I mean, it was pretty obvious to me what my favourites were, and very clear what I genuinely did not care for, but everything in-between is the "mushy middle". 

Even with the Z/star rankings as guide, my "sense memory" of certain films wants me to push it higher, or perhaps question it's spot. Like Mothra vs Godzilla was a big win early on after two dudes, but is it really at equal stature or enjoyment to me as Minus One, 2014, or Shin?

Gojira is classic cinema, a massively influential and important film with a deeply resonant message. But its storytelling is disjointed and visually its perhaps not as potent as it was 50/60/70 years ago. But surely it's better than any film with MechaGodzilla, right?

And I feel like I would go to bat for Ebirah, Horror of the Deep any day, and think it should be in my top ten. So why isn't it?

I'm sure if I dared do a rewatch of all these that they would shift all around. I think Minus One, 2014, and Shin would all remain top 5, and that most of the bottom five would stay right there, but everything else could swing in unexpected ways. 

But I don't think Lady Kent would tolerate me doing a full Godzilla rewatch any time soon, and there's a whole lotta other kaiju tourism for me to partake in.

*********
RANKING
*********

1. Godzilla Minus One (2023) ****

2. Godzilla (2014) ****

3. Mothra vs Godzilla (1964) ****

4. Shin Godzilla (2016) ****

5. The Return of Godzilla (1984) ***1/2

6. Godzilla: Tokyo S.O.S. (2004) ***1/2

7. Godzilla vs Mechagodzilla (1974) ***1/2

8. Godzilla vs Mechagodzilla II (1993) ***1/2

9. Terror of Mechagodzilla (1975) ***1/2

10. Gojira (1954) ***

11. Ebirah, Horror of the Deep (1966) ***

12. Godzilla vs Kong (2021) ***

13. Godzilla 2000: Millennium (1999) ***

14. Godzilla vs Megaguiras (2000) ***

15. Godzilla vs. Hedorah (1971) ***

16. Godzilla vs Gigan (1972) ***

17. Godzilla vs Megalon (1973) ***

18. Godzilla vs Destroyah (1995) ***

19. Ghidorah the Three Headed Monster (1964) ***

20. Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire (2024) **1/2

21. Godzilla: Final Wars (2004) **1/2

22. Godzilla vs Mothra (1992)**1/2

23. Destroy All Monsters (1968) **½

24. Godzilla, Mothra, King Ghidorah: Giant Monsters All-out Attack (2001) **½

25. Godzilla: King of the Monsters (2019)**1/2

26. Godzilla vs Biollante (1989) **1/2

27. Godzilla Raids Again (1955) **1/2

28. Godzilla 1985 (US version 1985) **1/2

29. Godzilla Against Mechagodzilla (2002) **

30. Godzilla vs SpaceGodzilla (1994) **

31. All Monsters Attack (1969) **

32. Invasion of the Astro Monster (1965) **

33. Godzilla vs King Ghidorah (1991) *1/2

34. Godzilla King of the Monsters (1956) *1/2

35. King Kong vs Godzilla (US version 1962) *½

36. Son of Godzilla (1967) *

Did not watch:
Godzilla (1998)
Godzilla Planet of Monsters (2017)
Godzilla City on the Edge of Battle (2018) Godzilla The Planet Eater (2018) 

Go-Go-Godzilla #34: Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire

Director: Adam Wingard
Year: 2024
Length: 115 minutes

The Gist:
Kong is living his new life in the Hollow Earth. He has a treaty with Godzilla. Godzilla gets the surface world, Kong gets the underground. Monarch watches all. To what end is never really established. They're under pressure from external governments to destroy the Titans rather than just watch them. But Monarch know's we've been knocked down a peg on the food chain.

Kong is battered after fight with a pack of Hollow Earth ... wolf-ish-things. He has a toothache and returns to the surface so Monarch can take care of it. He seems to understand they're there to help him. Trapper (Dan Stevens) is the free-spirited "vet" that takes care of it.

Meanwhile, Jia (Kaylee Hottle), the sole survivor of the Iwi tribe of Skull Island is having a hard time adjusting to day-to-day life at the Monarch schools (it annoys me that we get hints of this Monarch-centric world but there's no exploration of it) but she's also receiving visions and falling into fugue states. She worries about her mental health.  Her adoptive mother, Dr. Ilene Andrews (Rebecca Hall), worries too, only to discover that the pattern Jia draws in her fugue states resembles the seismic readings she's been getting from Hollow Earth.  She goes to Titan conspiracy podcaster Bernie Hayes (Brian Tyree Henry) for help because the rest of Monarch just shrugs it off as coincidence.  His condition for helping is a trip to Hollow Earth.

So when he discovers that both the image Jia is drawing and the seismic readings are a distress call from Hollow Earth, a small team (consisting of Ilene, Trapper, Jia, Bernie and their redshirt pilot) go to investigate.

Meanwhile Kong has encountered other giant apes for the first time and they attack him. But he is Kong and they are not. The larger ones flee, but the child ape Kong hangs onto, and forces the child (a pesky little runt) to take him to the rest of the apes.

As Kong encounters what remains of the society he is descended from, a community of apes enslaved by the Scar King as they search for an escape to the surface (doesn't seem that hard, mind) the humans (less their redshift) discover a whole other tribe of Hollow Earth Iwi. They tell of the war the Skar King led against Godzilla, and his desire to rule the surface. Jia is the prophesied last of Skull Island who will come and awaken Mothra, who will help Godzilla in defeating this threat against the planet.

Kong fights the Skar King, and his slave masters, and the giant ice-breathing lizard he has power over. Kong loses and flees only with his life. His hand is mangled, but Monarch has, conveniently, a power glove from an abandoned mech suit ready for Kong to help him both heal and fight better.

Meanwhile, Godzilla, barely in the picture, has absorbed the nuclear radiation of a French power station, and has gone up against the dragon Tiamat and stolen its home in the antarctic where the solar radiation is most strongest.

Kong goes to the surface and with Mothra's intervention, enlists Godzilla into helping defeat the Skar King. Middle Earth fight. Our heroic trio prevails. Godzilla returns to his nest in the Colosseum in Rome for a catnap, Kong has the family he's been searching for, and I guess the humans are going to just leave the Iwi in peace and never speak of it again (Bernie's been taking video this whole time, but Trapper gives him a warning of sharing it...there's not even a concluding moment of Bernie destroying his recordings or anything.).

Godzilla, Friend or Foe:
Friend

The Samesies:

Like the Godzilla films of old, there's a human story here that matters less and less and less as the story goes on, and, frankly, doesn't really matter a whole lot to begin with. But that's also typical of Godzilla films. The human story is often time-biding padding until we get to the monster fights.  

The difference here from old Godzilla is, well, the samesies as Godzilla vs Kong, where the film's main character is Kong, and we do spend a lot of time with.  We follow Kong around as he traverses the Hollow Earth and its dangers. Like the previous Kong movies in this Monsterverse series, he is such a soulful character and it's hard not to be emotionally invested in him.

Godzilla films have, a number of times now, given Godzilla a junior version for him to adopt into his life. For the first time, Kong is the recipient of a junior giant ape to dote over... or to grab by the leg and swing around like a cudgel(!).  If you thought from the trailer that this little doe-eyed red-furred ape would be a totes dorbs aww-meme generator, Wingard instead makes him a little shitheel scamp that betrays Kong a number of times over. But we learn the kid is traumatized from the environment he grew up in, and Kong showing him a kindness or two does eventually sway the brat.

In my watchings of the Godzillas these past few months, Mothra has emerged as perhaps my favourite kaiju, if not necessarily the creature herself, but for all the trappings around her. Her native worshippers, the fariy twin Shobijin, the glorious Masura song they sing, the way they set up Mothra as protector of the Earth only for her to basically be defeated by almost any threat and explode into stardust... but to have larval offspring also called Mothra. There's a whole twisted world to her that I really enjoy.  And by dovetailing Kong's native tribe, the Iwi, into Mothra's, it's a blending I like. But pageantry around Mothra this time is not up to standards. There's no song, nor larvae (that was already done in King of the Monsters, so I get it), and Mothra doesn't explode for a change. So, some losses, but a win.

It's not a net positive, but the surface fights between the Titans, in various cities, feels much like the Toho Godzilla films, where the world feels constructed for the purpose of being torn down. It doesn't feel like the real world even with the occasional composited shot of people fleeing. We're such a long way now from Gareth Edwards' mastery of feeling the awe of monsters fighting overhead. But the brawls do feel like the CGI version of the suitmation fights.  They're a lot more elaborate in their physicality and camera angles, the the sensation is just the same.

The Differences:
It's weird to say, but Hollow Earth as an environment, is just setting. It's no longer treated with much majesty and as such it loses so much of its "wow" factor. We got a lot of "wow" factor out of GvK and even Monarch:Legacy of Monsters but we don't get much of that here. Bernie has a few bulging eye moments but that's about it.  In observing this film largely through Kong as our POV character, we lose the sense of scale. Likewise, leaving the surface for much of the film, there's no structures in Hollow Earth for us to get scale comparisons to.

The Legendary Monsterverse has spent four films and a 10-episode TV series building up Monarch, only for it to be relegated very much into the background of this story. I guess they're just leaving any intrigue around the organization, or the politics of its existence to the TV show, should it return. Which is a shame because it's really what this Monsterverse is built around, and it should be our guide through this. I don't dislike that Wingard and the writing team have fleshed Kong out over two movies the way they have...these two pictures really do fit nicely together as a duology. But the title of these films isn't Kong: Homecoming and Kong: No Way Home, but Godzilla vs/x Kong, and the other half of that title has such little presence and purpose other than force of nature.  In a way it's fitting as we often only get a 15 minutes of Godzilla in any given film, but when we do the focus is squarely on the King, and here, he's a sideshow.

Anyone worth caring about?
Ilene and Jia are the two essential holdovers from the prior film. It's a good choice. Rebecca Hall has such a way of drawing the audience into her performance. She's able to trigger a sympathetic nerve like few other actors can, without ever being cloying about it. Part of that comes from her relationship with Jia. Having a deaf daughter means the communication is largely silent and expression conveys so much more. And Kaylee Hottle, for these two films comprising the bulk of her acting career, has been great in both of them. An absolutely endearing performer who is able to convey depths with just expression.

This film is so deep into quiet communication... Ilene and Jia, the telepathic Iwa people, the apes, Jia and Kong, Kong and Godzilla, Mothra and everyone. It's all very quietly emotive, which is what makes the dialogue so hard to digest. Like Trapper isn't really *that* annoying a character, except everyone else is saying so much without saying anything that his ballyhoo cries are just... a lot. And then there's Bernie.

I've loved or liked every Brian Tyree Henry performance I've seen. Except this one. Bernie is a conspiracy nut who is pretty much correct about most of what he's gone nutty over, but he's a caricature in these two films. He doesn't seem like a real person. And as "comic relief" in this film in particular, almost every jokey line falls incredibly flat. Plus, his character, beyond the initial discovery of the call for help, is useless.  Much like the previous film, Bernie contributes one thing, then just takes up oxygen in the film.  And it drove me nuts that Bernie, an established podcaster, kept going on and on about his blog.

The Message:
erm...home is where the heart is? I dunno. It's not that kind of movie.

Rating (out of 5 Zs): ZZz
I would say I enjoyed this as much as I enjoyed GvK and yet, the more I think about it, the less impressed I get.  I'm not deep in the weeds on it, but I'm annoyed that I can't seem to reconcile the Hollow Earth of King of the Monsters, GvK, Monarch:LoM and this film.  That may be on me, but I don't think so. I just don't think the writers/producers care enough about continuity/consistency. 

The diminished role of both Godzilla and Monarch are definitely detractors for me, but, and I need to be clear, I love the ape stuff. Absolutely love it. Is it what I wanted to see out a a Kaiju movie? Not really. Or at all. We already have a Planet of the Apes movie coming out this year from the same studio. Why did we need another one, just plus-sized?

If these Legendary Monsterverse films do continue, the next time better be space aliens, Gigan and Megalon, with Godzilla in front, recruiting Kong on the back-side.

I did want to call out that I really enjoyed the Godzilla/Kong fights in Egypt. But they couldn't have worked the pyramids into Titan lore somehow? Through the Iwi at least? Sigh.

Sleepytime Factor:
None actually. I had a pretty good time.

 

Go-Go-Godzilla #33: Godzilla vs Kong

Director: Adam Wingard
Year: 2021
Length: 113 minutes

The Gist:
I guess because of the understanding of how the Titans communicate and sense each others' presences, Monarch is protecting Kong on Skull Island within a gigantic dome from alpha Titan Godzilla. Kong isn't stupid though, and he knows his fortress is actually a prison. Dr. Ilene Andrews is Monarch's chief Kong-ologist, and her deaf adopted daughter, Jia, seems to have a special bond with Kong. She's taught him some sign language, but they keep that between them.

Walter Simmons is the megalomaniac head of Apex Cybernetics, a very powerful tech organization. He recruits ex-Monarch researcher and Hollow Earth theorist Dr. Nathan Lind after telling him he's created a  vehicle for safe entry into the centre of the planet but what they need is a Titan to lead them to the gateway.

Using his connections they manage to get to Skull Island and convince Ilene that this mission is a good idea. On the way to the gateway, Godzilla attacks a drugged, dazed, and seemingly depressed Kong. Kong fights valiantly, enough to ward Godzilla off, but it's no victory. To continue on the path they've chose would risk another attack. But tracking Godzilla, they discover a gateway, and airlift Kong there.

They make passage into middle earth where they discover Kong's home territory, seemingly abandoned, but just laced with stones full of a new form of energy.  Unknown to Doctors Andrews and Lind, this is what Walter Simmons was really after. Apex Cybernetics created a giant remote controlled Mecha-Godzilla that uses a hybrid cybernetic mind link between a human host and one of Ghidora's skulls from the previous film to control it, but it needs the raw power of the Hollow Earth to power it.

Godzilla knows that Kong has found a hotbed of power and, from Hong Kong big G revs up his atomic blast and opens up a hole right to Kong's homestead (that's 6000+ KM for reference). Armed with a super-charged axe, Kong makes his way to the surface to battle Godzilla (basically hopping up the tunnel Godzilla just bore into the Earth...all 6000+ KM), and once again finds he's just not a match. Godzilla nearly kills him.

Meanwhile, Simmons is out to prove man is the Apex Predator once more and sets MechaGodzilla out into the wild. It's a brawl, and Godzilla's about to lose, but Nathan uses the HEAV as a defibrillator and revives Kong. Jia explains to resurrected Kong that Godzilla doesn't have to be his enemy, and that he needs help. Kong steps in, and the two decimate Mecha-G in a pretty nice tag-team (Godzilla charging Kong's axe with his atomic breath was just aces). They reach an uneasy truce, an understanding of cohabitation, and go their separate ways.

Oh yeah, Mark and Madison Russell from the last film are in this as well. Madison is obsessed with a Titan-focussed conspiracy podcast run by Bernie Hayes, who works for Apex Cybernetics. Along with Madison's friend Josh, they manage to meet up with Bernie and go on a fruitless and meaningless adventure which culminates in them dumping a flask of whiskey on a computer to give Mecha-Godzilla a moment's pause, which is just enough to make a difference it the big finale.

Godzilla, Friend or Foe:
He's the same Godzilla as previous, a massive force of nature, but we get the sense that he's not *just* a force of nature. That he can think a bit too, and even socialize with others.

The Samesies:
Just like the previous Godzilla eras, the continuity here ain't so tight between the films, especially when you add Monarch: Legacy of Monsters to the mix, it's not easy to fit all the pieces together of what humanity knows about the habits and behaviours of the Titans and Hollow Earth, and when they knew about it.  I'm sure it's all fudge-able, in the same way one has to fudge Star Wars continuity to make it make sense, but it's not all there on the screen.

Like many Godzilla films past, the technology available to mankind has gotten really advanced. There's some heavy investment into "super science" and research infrastructure, even way beyond the previous film. King of the Monsters toes the sci-fi waters, where GvK just jumps right in. It's pretty unapologetic about it, too, which I like a lot.  

Mechagodzilla having a connection to Ghidorah is right out of the Heisei era Godzilla vs Mechagodzilla II, as is the idea of Ghidorah taking over the robot from its human controllers.

Like King Kong vs Godzilla, there's lore introduced here that suggests the two beasts have an ancient rivalry. This film goes into it a lot more than the 60's film did, though. 

The Differences:

The Hollow Earth was teased in the previous film and even visited via an underwater portal (which I guess explains why there wasn't all the topsy-turvey-ness others have reported. The reason they don't go back to that gateway is, well, because they blew it up with a nuke.  Anyway, the visit to the Hollow Earth here is very adventuresome and exploratory. It's vibrantly realized and I really dug this sequence.

The HEAV (Hollow Earth Aerial Vehicle?) is not too far off from the Super-X hovering tanks of Toho films past, although these are strictly transportation meant to accommodate the flippidy-doo journey into Hollow Earth. I like the Tron-like light trails it leaves behind in its wake.

I haven't been re-watching Kong films, but doesn't Kong usually have something of a connection with young women? I think this is the first time he's really had a relationship with a child, and maybe the first time he's shown an aptitude for communicating with sign language.

This is the first Godzilla movie to feature a podcaster, and dive into conspiracy theories as they apply to the Monsterverse. Of course, this is the annoying thing where we know more than Bernie does.

Anyone worth caring about?
Oh, so much more to care about than in the previous film. Rebecca Hall as Ilene and Alexander Skarsgard as Nathan are both immediately and infinitely more appealing and likeable than Vera Farmiga and Kyle Chandler. Chandler is still in this film but really tossed into the background, where he should be. Hall, Skarsgard, and Kaylee Hottle (Jia), as well as the Apex and Monarch crews, are all basically team Kong, while Millie Bobbie Brown (returning as Madison), Brian Tyree Henry as Bernie, and Julian Denison as Josh are the largely useless and purposeless team Godzilla but quite likeable. I'm happy to see some of this crew are back in one of two "Empire" movies this March of 2024 in Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire (see also Ghostbusters: Frozen Empire).

But, really, the best character in the film is Kong. He's so expressive. He's a big, homesick, lonely boy, with such soulful eyes, and every moment he has with Jia made me just a little, teensy bit weepy.

The Message:
Uh, it's possible to make peace with even your longest-standing enemy? *ahem*

Rating (out of 5 Zs): ZZZ
This isn't a super-smart movie, and it's sense of scale goes all out-of-whack, but boy does it know how to have fun. If there's a big difference between this and King of the Monsters it is exactly that point. The characters in this film are going on a big old ride and despite the peril they may be in, the performers seem to be having fun. It's contagious. 

The Kong v Godzilla fights are very well orchestrated with a LOT of fun little nuances you could never accomplish in suitmation. That's not a dig on the fun of suitmation, but just part of the comparison. CGI frees the filmmakers up to create more expressive creatures, and have more nuanced fights. Not sure the physics always work out in its favour but who cares!? Big dumb fun is supposed to be exactly that.

I just wish Skarsgaard was playing Tarzan in this.

Sleepytime Factor:
I did have a brief little headbob of a nod during the Ghidorah-head discovery or one of the team Godzilla scenes, but I never went right out.

Go-Go-Godzilla #32: Godzilla, King of the Monsters (2019)

Director: Michael Dougherty
Year: 2019
Length: 132 Minutes

The Gist: Monarch Dr. Emma Russell has invented a device dubbed the "Orca" that can emulate sounds of the Titans. Not only that, it can manufacture the sound of an Alpha Titan. This could be useful in non-violently warding off Titans who are coming close to populated centers. It's certainly useful when Mothra hatches in larval form and staves off an attack on one of Monarch's many, many massive Titan research compounds. Only an extremist faction interferes, kidnapped Russell and her daughter, and are using the Orca to awaken more kaiju around the world. These extremists want the Titans to return to dominance of the Earth and put man in its rightful place in the food chain.

Monarch needs the help of Emma's ex-husband, ex-Monarch something-something Dr. Mark Russell to help locate the Orca (and his family, I guess). Mark has been out in the wilderness studying animal behaviour and avoiding dealing with his feelings over the death of his son in the 2014 disaster in San Francisco.

Using the Orca's unique signature they trace them to Antarctica, where the extremists are setting Monster Zero, aka King Ghidorah free from his icy cage. History speaks of Ghidorah, an alien titan who, only through to good graces of Godzilla back in cave-drawing times, was put in his place.

Emma later awakens Rodan within a volcano, which endangers an entire village at the base. Monster Zero arrives and nearly kills Rodan, just as Godzilla arrives. The US Military have a new weapon, the Oxygen Destroyer (no explanation necessary?) which they hope will destroy both creatures at once. Unfortunately Ghidorah survives and Godzilla is near fatally wounded. The creature swims off and disappears.

The Monarch team, tracking Godzilla, discover the much theorized wormholes to a middle Earth (which Monarch: Legacy of Monsters implies the organization has known about for decades, so why is this one such a surprise?) and set off in a submersible where Dr. Serizawa sacrifices himself to set off a nuke to help big G recuperate faster. It's a success.

Godzilla returns to take on Ghidorah, while Mothra runs interference on Rodan. Mothra defeats Rodan, but is barely able to help against Ghidorah. She sacrifices herself to infuse Godzilla with her radiation which supercharges him, and he is able to defeat Ghidora.  The humans do some human stuff to make it seem like they matter including Emma using the Orca to distract Ghidora and sacrificing herself to give Godzilla a few precious seconds in the fight.

The age of Titans has arrived.

Godzilla, Friend or Foe:
Fearsome friend, and force of nature.

The Samesies:
The monster fighting is a big budget CGI version of what we used to see in the Showa era, where Godzilla would be up against a bigger, badder foe or two, and he would get help from another kaiju. This is fairly common Godzilla filmstuff.

Mothra, bless her, is ever the ineffective defender of the earth. She tries her best, but, like Obi-Wan Kenobi, is more powerful in her death than in life. She bestows her life force on Godzilla. This is not new either.

Monarch isn't the first time the Godzilla films have tried to build an agency around tracking Godzilla or other Kaiju, and it's not even the first one to carry through an entire series (there was the group Miki the psychic girl belonged to in the Heisei era).  Just like with the various JSDF and multinational organizations of the prior films, I wish there was more lore to Monarch in the foreground of these films but it's mainly a place to center human characters and exposition around (sounds pretty familiar to Godzilla). Monarch is not *really* explored as an agency until the Legacy of Monsters series on AppleTV+ (which may or may not be loaded with contradictions in the movies).

Rodan leaves sort of a devastating sonic boom and wind wake in its trail that truly made no sense in the suitmation films, and makes just as little sense here, but it's visualized more effectively. 

The Differences:
This is the most bloated of all the Godzilla films, and it really feels it. 

If this were a Toho film, it would probably be revealed that Charles Dance's extremist factions were actually aliens in disguise tricking Emma Russell into joining their side. But no, just boring, thinly caricatured humans doing evil in their misguided quest of zealotry.

Anyone worth caring about?
This tries to establish family drama around a giant monster fight film, and does not succeed. I dislike Vera Farmiga as an actor (I'm sure she's a lovely person), and she's in prime unlikable form here. I also dislike Kyle Chandler as an actor, and he's just as unlikable as Farmiga in this (but I'm sure he's a nice guy too). They're both gratingly pious as characters, and the fact that they both seem like bitter people makes them direly un-fun to watch. Chandler's Mark steps into Monarch like he owns the place, and begins dominating the conversation like he's the only smart guy in room and that his daughter is the only important thing in the world when millions are at risk every second the Titans are on the loose. Farmiga's Emma never seems to waver in her conviction to side with Dance's extremists, so she's a total villain, but you can tell Farmiga wants you to be sympathetic towards her, but I just can't muster any sympathy.

The worst part is, we could have had Ken Watanabe's Serizawa and Sally Hawkins' Dr. Graham be the creators of the Orca, and have bonds with the kaiju and have a very personal rivalry with Dance's Monarch defector, but they kill Hawkins off unceremoniously, sideline Serizawa as perhaps the most important person in Monarch, and don't give Dance any characterization at all.  

Watanabe and Hawkins would have been easily likeable leads, and they could have beefed up the military tracking of Dance (giving O'Shea Jackson Jr. more to do), and leaned into Dance's role as more of a Bond-villain (rather than a big nothing).

I haven't even talked about Millie Bobbie Brown. I like her in this, but her character is extraneous. It really tries to find something for her to do in the third act but it seems empty.  The story uses her as the motivating factor for the two characters who we don't care about, and at one point one of the tertiary military characters says about Mark and Emma, "If these two were my parents, I would have run away too". Yes, run far, far away.

The Message:
Humans have fucked up the earth, we need gigantic radioactive creatures to set it right.

Rating (out of 5 Zs): ZZz
Honestly, I really hated this when I first saw it. I was very, very, very mad at it. But this time around, I liked it a lot more, save for the Farmiga/Chandler of it all, which is pretty much 2/5 of the film.  The kaiju fights are awesome, I love the expanding of the lore, and there's a lot of intriguing (but ultimately underserved) secondary characters to keep the thing afloat.  I think watching this armed with all the recently acquired Godzilla history helped in consuming it as well. All the nods being made to Godzilla history help make this film make more sense.  I mean, they really, truly, totally, undercut the heaviness of the Oxygen Destroyer, and its significance from the original Gojira, which just shows how underbaked this script was.

Sleepytime Factor:
No sleeping in this one, but much eyerolling everytime Farmiga or Chandler were on screen.

Go-Go-Godzilla #31: Shin Godzilla

Director: Hideaki Anno,Shinji Higuchi
Year: 2016
Length: 120 minutes

The Gist:
Something's happening in Tokyo Bay. The AquaLine Tunnel has been breached and is flooding. A not insignificant disaster is in progress. But nobody in power seems to understand the root cause, and thus are helpless to respond. Is it a natural occurrence? Is it a terrorist attack? Something else?

A horrifying amphibious creature emerges in the bay. Officials have no concept of what they are seeing. Reactions around the country are swift, with weight given to both the biologist contingent that are direly curious about the beast, and with the more conservative component who are mainly concerned with the rising amount of property damage the creature is causing. They can't hide this from the public, but there's no need to panic. This thing can't possibly come ashore.

Until it comes ashore, wreaking havoc in its path, leaving a wake of destruction behind it. Until it stops and goes dormant. What to do? Before any official response can be mounted, the creature evolves before the very eyes of anyone observing. New extremities help it manoeuvre better on land, causing even more destruction before it retreats back into the bay. The path of destruction is abominable, as is the remnant trail of radiation.

The government is under fire for their lack of response, their incorrect information and their overall ineptitude. There was only one voice -- Deputy Chief Cabinet Secretary Rando Yaguchi, a voice that is supposed to keep silent -- that spoke out during the incursion and seemed to offer the most reasonable, thoughtful, socially-conscious options. So he's assigned to head up a research and resolution task force on the creature, now dubbed Gojira.

The task force digs up intelligence on the creature, including how to track it, with speculation on how to contain or destroy it. They know when the creature is about to return, but even then they're not prepared for its next phase of evolution. As the much larger, far more upright creature barrels through the city, the Japan Self-Defence Force's response is utterly ineffective.  The US military wants to have their own say in the handling of the creature and the government agrees.  In the process of the attack, Gojira displays the ability to emit powerful beams of radiation expelled from its mouth and or spines. The government is decimated by this latest attack until the creature seemingly runs out of juice and once again, just stops cold in the middle of the city.  

With the whole country being shaken to its foundation, US and, independently, the UN are making their own declarations about what should be done, which of course involve nukes. Rando's team is the only hope of an alternative to Japan being on the receiving end of these obscene WMDs for a third time.

Rando and his team orchestrate an impressively effective campaign against the creature that's more about strategy than brute force. Wear the creature down, burn it out, force it to go dormant again, trigger another mutation phase, give the people enough time to inject it with a coagulant that will turn its blood to stone. It's a successful gambit and Rando has succeeded where other politicians have failed, in making decisions in the best interests of the people, not in the best interests of his political career.

Godzilla, Friend or Foe:
Ooh, definite bad, bad thing.

The Samesies:
This is a wildly deviant Godzilla movie, taking great pains to not be like any G-film before. That said, it does have a few things it carries over, such as notes and themes from Akira Ifukube's score, the anti-nuke messaging, and the ineffectiveness of the military against the creature (it, of course, has a montage of the JSDF assembling to take on the creature).

The Differences:
While Rando Yaguchi is probably our lead character, this is a cast of hundreds. As a non-native speaker it was difficult to keep up with the subtitles, as they were obviously translating the rapid-fire dialogue on the bottom of the screen but also putting captions identifying the name and role of the person talking at the top of the screen. At a certain point I pretty much gave up on reading those title/role captions.

It's a sprawling political satire that critiques government's ineffectiveness in a time of crisis. It's been noted that this film is a direct response to -- and criticism of -- the government's failures during the earthquake-turned-tsunami of March 2011, and the resulting Fukushima nuclear disaster. Much like many of the best G-films, it has something to say.

While I can't speak to direct influences, there's certainly a West Wing and Contageon style feel to this, stories where there are so many behind the scenes political players as they try to figure out what is happening and how to solve for it, and sometimes the fear and lack of bravery of the people in charge to make decisions in those moments for fear of their political careers.  It tackles topics from many angles, not just the creature itself, ala Godzilla 2014, but also the economic fall out, the historical parallels, the political posturing internally as well as on a global scale, with a direct critique at still feeling somewhat beholden or deferential to US interests.

Godzilla here is wildly different than ever before, having at least four different stages of evolution, from the bulging-eyed waddling amphibious creature to a very raw, exposed-nerve look of its final Godzilla form. It's the most deeply unpleasant Godzilla to look at (and we had Zilla in Final Wars to contend with). 

This is the first time we've had an evolving Godzilla. I got the sense that it was kind of like the Superman villain Doomsday in that it evolves as a response to the hostility of its environment in pretty rapid order. Which is sharp juxtaposition to how slowly humans evolve to the threats presented to them. Not sure if that observation was intentional part of the commentary, but it's pretty sharp if so. 

Anyone worth caring about?
Even as we're basically jumping from person-to-person-to-person, talking head to talking head, there are standout characters among them, some who die, some who live, and the relationships they have and forge with each other, all handled in a verite style, are pretty great, especially compared to Toho's G-films of past.

Of course Rando is out main guy and Hiroki Hasegawa has a great face for reaction shots. He has a pal within the government (I'm forgetting at the moment the character's name) but they had a wonderful dynamic any time they had the opportunity to be in the same room.

The two Prime Ministers of the film are incredible, and you do have to feel for them in the decision making process that they must go through. The amount of information they have to digest in such a swift amount of time in making a decision is overwhelming and they both play it very differently and very well. It does emphasize how much having trustworthy advisors is important to a leadership role, but it's made more difficult when maybe they have their own biases or agendas.

The weakest link of the film is the American side, represented primarily by Kayoko Anne Patterson (played by Satomi Ishihara). Kayoko is the POTUS' Special Envoy in these proceedings, and she's presented as an American-born daughter of a Japanese mother and American father. She's supposed to have all this American swagger and bravado, but it seemed more "on the page" than "on the screen".  As well, Ishihara's English-accent was really poor for an American. I'm sure in films where native English speaking actors have to work in a different language that native speakers probably cringe or laugh at their accent as well, so it's a result of casting for your region, not for anyone else. But at least in the western release they could have maybe dubbed her performance?

The Message:
Politicians should govern for the people, not for the continued right to govern.

Rating (out of 5 Zs):  ZZZZ
I loved the first act of this film. It's an enthralling political procedural with disaster spectacle backing it up. The second at sort of lulls a bit as it has to deal with the fallout of the creature's initial rampage. While the logical thought would be to focus more intensely on the research into the creature, the storytellers here remain committed to the holistic approach. When the creature re-emerges, it's natural that we'd see the spectacle of the military response, but as I've watched dozens of these tanks-n-planes futilely attacking Godzilla in the past couple months, this didn't thrill me and it felt overlong. But the next phase of planning a specific tactical approach to dealing with the creature, understanding that there would be losses in the process, returns the film to its earlier gripping status.

The creature effects are middling. Sometimes quite good, but more often than not passable at best. There's not a lot of the creature in the film, and seriously Godzilla is not what the film is about so I could let go of the choppiness to the cgi. 

Sleepytime Factor:
I did nod off just little tidbit in the middle when Rando's group was having one of their extensive theory sessions of the creature origins. Less to do with the content than my lack-of-sleep condition. I thought I was going to nod off during the military assembles scene but there was enough cross-cutting and jumping to different players, and having a whole different perspective on the deployment of the soliders that it kept my interest.

Go-Go-Godzilla #30: Godzilla (2014)

Director: Gareth Edwards
Year: 2014
Length: 123 Minutes
Studio: Legendary Pictures/Warner Bros.

The Gist:
The US(?) military(?) organization Monarch investigates monsters of unknown terrestrial origins, or MUTOs (not to be confused with MOTUs, which are He-Man figures). In 1999, near the Philippians they investigate discovery of the bones of the largest MOTU. But that's not all, two massive sacks dangle from the ceiling, one of them already ruptured, leaving a trail to the ocean.  Later, in Japan, nuclear power plant supervisor Joe Brody is very concerned by seismic readings he's been tracking and is advising for a full plant shut down. He thinks he has time. His wife Sandra takes a team to check the core infrastructure for stability, but it's too late. Everything shakes, the core ruptures and to save everyone, it must be sealed Joe loses Sandra and so much more. The factory melts down, an explosion rocks the city, a whole section of Tokyo is rendered uninhabitable. 15 years pass and Joe still wants to know why.

His son, Lieutenant Ford Brody, and explosives expert, has literally just returned home to San Francisco following a tour of duty when he's called to Tokyo to bail his father out of prison, again, for breaching the quarantine zone. Joe points out that the seismic readings leading the the nuclear meltdown are occurring again, he just needs to get into the quarantine to get his data discs to prove to people the correlation. Joe agrees to help him get inside. They discover no radiation in the zone. Joe is baffled. They find what they're looking for but are also found by Monarch security and taken to the power plant where an cocoon, seemingly dormant, is starting to wake up. A creature from the Philippeans came to Tokyo, absorbed the nuclear facility's radiation, and has been gestating for 15 years, and hatches. In the creature's escape, Joe is fatally wounded and Ford is exposed to a world he never knew existed. 

Monarch drops Ford off in Hawaii, but it's the path of the awakened MUTO. The scientists determine that the MUTO awakened as a response to another MUTO that awakened in the Nevada desert, where the other egg from the Philippians was taken (stored in a nuclear waste disposal area). Not only that but a third MUTO, Godzilla (who was thought destroyed in the Bikini Atoll nuclear bomb "test"), has emerged, the scientist guesses, as nature's counterbalance. 

Godzilla and the MUTO from Japan clash in Hawaii. The damage is catastrophic, but the MUTO escapes. Predictions are that the two MUTOs, a male and a female, are slated to meet in San Francisco, with Godzilla tracking them. Ford hitches a ride with the team from the local military and learns they plan to detonate a nuke off the coast of SanFran to try and draw the monsters away from the city, but all efforts to move nuclear ordinance only result in the creatures attacking and stealing the radiation. In the end, all they can really do is let them fight.

San Francisco is the battleground. Godzilla against the two MUTOs who only want to be together and have a gazillion little parasitic MUTO babies (MUTO Babies, they make their dreams come true. MUTO Babies, they'll do the same for you-ooh).  But, the nuke that was intended to be exploded off the coast and stolen by the female MUTO, has a timed detonator. Ford, being his specialty, is part of the task force sent into the kaiju battlefield to disarm the warhead before it destroys San Fran entirely.  

He finds the casing damaged and disarming it is impossible. All he can do is take it to a boat and send it off the shore. Godzilla is triumphant in his battle but falls, close to death. The bomb explodes. Ford, is reunited with his family. Some time later, all the radiation from the explosion off the coast has dissipated, absorbed by Godzilla, and the creature awakens and heads off into the sea.

Godzilla, Friend or Foe:
Friend.

The Samesies:
There are various organizations that come and go throughout the different eras in Godzilla history, that could be compared to Monarch. The main difference being those Godzilla tracking agencies don't tend to be consistent from film-to-film, or are just a subset of the JSDF, instead of their own entity.

Radiation is the kaiju's food. What I wonder is how they sense the radiation of a nuclear bomb before it goes off.

I can't remember if in past Godzilla films how they explain why Godzilla comes to fight other creatures, but it is always implied as instinctual, which holds true here. 

Godzilla's atomic breath is in the film, but used very sparingly here. I think he gets three shots off late in the film. But that final use, where Godzilla pries a MUTO's mouth open an unleashes down the creature's throat is among the best-ever Godzilla moments for me.

The Differences:
The Toho films don't have opening credits, so this is the first Godzilla film (except maybe 1998) with opening credits. And it's magnificent. Basically a series of Monarch redacted documents that track their history of researching MUTOs. It's such an intense information dump, accompanied by a building, pulsating, anxiety-inducing low-horn and strings composition from Alexandre Desplat that may not be as earwormy as Akira Ifukube's original Godzilla theme, but... pretty damn good.

The origins of Godzilla, and any other MUTO, are ascribed to the earliest eras of the Earth, where there was more intense radiation, and as the Earth aged, the radiation dissipated, the MUTO's went deep into the Earth, closer to the core where the radiation is stronger. Man's use of atomic and nuclear weaponry has drawn them to the surface once more. (Of course, Toasty pointed out to me that we learn in Monarch:Legacy of Monsters that they come from another dimension, where the radiation clearly isn't that strong as humans are able to survive their atmosphere). Godzilla emerged after the WWII bombings of Japan, and the Bikini Atoll "test" was an attempt to kill the creature (this is in opposition to the Toho origins in which these incidents are what creates Godzilla...it's a bit of American absolution involved here, instead of explicit criticism)

This is the largest ever Godzilla who typically fluctuated between 55 and 80 meters This one comes in an 108 meters (or 355 feet). It's almost too big, I think, but certainly imposing.

Kaiju only appear in America twice (I think) in the Toho films, and almost all take place in Japan, so for the two big battles to be in Hawaii and California is a pretty drastic shift. But it's just setting, and it certainly doesn't diminish the impact of the fights. 

Anyone worth caring about?

Ford, played by Aaron Taylor Johnson, is our lead character, and also our POV character. He takes us through the different environments like post-meltdown Janjira, the Monarch facility, military transports, the Hawaii encounter, and most importantly the San Fran battle. I'm sure many gripe about turning away from the kaiju battle to see what the humans are doing, and I get that complaint, but this film, both in general and through Ford, you get a sense of the human toll as a result of the kaiju.  

Now, the opening of the film introduces us to Dr. Serizawa and Dr. Graham as played by Ken Watanabe and Sally Hawkins, respectively, and they are two actors I like a lot, but they're not given much to do beyond exposition. That said, Watanabe does add some real weight to his moment with the admiral after deciding to detonate a nuke off the shore of  San Fran. It doesn't change his mind, but it definitely gives him pause.

The first tragedy of the film is in the second prologue where we lose Juliette Binoche. Her very brief time with Bryan Cranston really sells them as a warm, loving, devoted couple, and we get why he's so gutted by her loss. And then to lose Cranston by the end of the first act is another devastating blow. I feel like there's a mildly better version of this story where Joe survives and he's our POV character in discovering Monarch. But we don't really learn much more about Monarch until the next Godzilla film. 

It's still weird that Aaron Taylor Johnson and Elizabeth Olsen play a married couple in this film and brother and sister in the MCU less than a year later. Olsen's part is probably the most extraneous, being Ford's motivating factor for getting home, but at the same time, she provides a civilian (as opposed to military) ground level perspective which isn't nothing. 

The Message:
 "Let them fight". In other words, get out of nature's way.  It has its own way of restoring balance.

Rating (out of 5 Zs): ZZZZ
If you're tracking the rankings, yes, that does make it my highest ranked Godzilla film so far. And yes, I like this film better than every Toho Godzilla film I've seen. I mean, I do like many of the suitmation Godzilla films, and find them very entertaining, but this is just a next-level blockbuster for me.  The film teases and teases and teases that the monsters are coming in a very engaging and engrossing way. It delivers an emotional impact that has you invested in the characters while anticipating the arrival of the monsters, and when they do emerge, it's glorious.

Director Edwards is a master of scale, and when you're talking 50 to 100 meter (plus)-sized creatures, you really want to feel that sense of scale. Too often with the Toho films, scale was only felt in perspective of a man in a suit as compared to the toys and models that surrounded them, with a poorly lit painted backdrop of a blue sky. Edwards, at every turn, makes you feel the imposition these creatures have on the world we're used to living in. A 350-foot beast emerging rapidly from the ocean creates a tsunami, and it's an incredible sequence even before the creature surfaces. Its a movie full of "wow"starting with the skeletal remains found in the prologue.

I hadn't watched the film in quite some time, but I think it's geniuinely a favourite movie of mine. G-fan snobs might turn their nose up at it for its lack of practical suits and models, and taking it out of its Japanese setting, and diminishing its messaging, to which I say, fair enough, if that's your thing. But this is much more my thing. I think the only Toho film that measures up to this (and exceeds it) is Godzilla Minus One.

Sleepytime Factor:
None at all. Even in the "military assembling on the bridge" sequence, which is the equivalent of the "tanks on the move" montage in the Showa era, I was still so very engaged.

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My original review

Shin Godzilla is next (and I know Toasty has been holding off his review until I got to this point).

Go-Go-Godzilla: Millennium Era in review

 

I've written thousands of words about and around Godzilla and, frankly, I'm exhausted. 

I mentioned previously that throughout the Showa and Heisei eras of Godzilla I would routinely fall asleep whilst watching those films. The pleasant surprise of the Millennium era was how engaged I was throughout each and every one of those movies, well, except GMK (Godzilla, Mothra and King Ghidora: Giant Monsters All-out Attack). There I was close to unconsciousness a number of times, but, I never fully fell asleep. (Edit: I did nod off while writing this though). 

The Millennium era hits a point where digital effects have a bigger and bigger impact on the films, and being lower budget films in the early 2000s, you can guess how bad the digital effects can get. And yet, kind of how we accept silly, loose-fitting rubber suits, miniatures-that-are-clearly-miniatures, and camera-tricks- which-aren't-fooling-anyone from previous eras, many of the digital effects have a quaintness to them that don't rub abrasively. Instead, in many instances, they have their own charm. Credit to the Toho team at the time that they conservatively used digital effects much of the time to enhance scenes or sequences, rather than overreach...although surely overreaches did happen, and...moof.

I struggle to say that any of the Millennium Era films were great, and I would have a hard time recommending any of them to anyone who wasn't already interested in watching Godzilla films. My  favourite of the era (and there will be a full ranking update at the bottom of this) is a sequel film within the Era and probably not the easiest film to enter into coldly. 

Once again I find myself at odds with the G-fan concensus. GMK, touted as one of the highest watermarks of Godzilla films, is my second least favourite of the era.  Just as I didn't take to Godzilla vs. Biollante as G-Fans had in the Heisei era...I get what they're reacting to in those films, they just don't work for me. Once again, my appreciation lies in the storytelling, which is still pretty shaky throughout the Millennium era, but there is a palpable evolution, and seemingly a larger desire to invest in characters than in the previous era. As well the ambitiousness of the suits, the effect, the miniatures from film-to-film also intrigue me. But I would rather have a better composed shot, a more artistically lit scene, a more thoughtfully edited Godzilla fight sequence than the bog standard side-scrolling wide shot or that 3/4 tilt from on high which is so pervasive.  

There also seemed to be more effort to put the human characters into the midst of the fight (especially with Mechagodzilla in the fray).  Having the humans be active and meaningful participants makes the third-act brawl much more engaging. This also includes a lot more scenes of human characters navigating the mid- of post-fight wreckage, which I loved every time.

My favourite aspect of Godzilla is using sense of scale, getting that human POV of these titanic monsters, and we get a tremendous amount of those in the Millennium Era compared to the previous Eras, which had limited ability to truly blend live action and real locations with miniatures and suitmation.

I'm now heading into the final stretch with the three Warner Bros. Monsterverse films (leading into the fourth coming out at the end of March), and the two Reiwa Era live action films. Almost all of these I've seen already (save for Shin Godzilla), but I'm excited to watch them because I know what I'm in for. 

While I've been doing this series, I've watched the Monsterverse-related TV show (Monarch: Legacy of Monsters) and I've seen Godzilla Minus One as well, and also watched the first episode of the seemingly charming Netflix anime series Godzilla Singular Point which I think I'll get back to. I'm still skipping the '98 Godzilla as well as the three Netflix anime movies, but never say never.  I'm also flirting with doing a Gamera series of recaps, kind of the official competition to the Godzilla juggernaut in the Kaiju field.  I'm also thinking about the four Mothra solo films, since I clearly reacted well to that creature in this series. We shall see.

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RANKINGS

Millennium Era:

1. Godzilla: Tokyo S.O.S
2. Godzilla 2000: Millennium
3. Godzilla vs Megaguiras
4. Godzilla: Final Wars
5. Godzilla, Mothra, and King Ghidorah: Giant Monsters All-Out Attack
6. Godzilla Against Mechagodzilla

All of the films (so far)

1. The Return of Godzilla
2. Godzilla: Tokyo S.O.S.
3. Godzilla vs Mothra (1964)
4. Gojira
5. Godzilla vs Mechagodzilla (1974)
6. Ebirah, Horror of the Deep
7. Godzilla vs Mechagodzilla II
8. Terror of Mechagodzilla
9. Godzilla 2000: Millennium
10. Godzilla vs Megaguiras
11. Godzilla vs Destroyah
12. Godzilla vs Mothra (1992)
13. Godzilla vs. Hedorah
14. Godzilla vs Gigan
15. Godzilla vs Megalon
16. Godzilla: Final Wars
17. Destroy All Monsters
18. Godzilla vs Biollante
19. Godzilla, Mothra, King Ghidorah: Giant Monsters All-out Attack
20. Godzilla Against Mechagodzilla
21. Godzilla vs SpaceGodzilla
22. All Monsters Attack
23. Ghidorah the Three Headed Monster
24. Godzilla vs King Ghidorah
25. Invasion of the Astro Monster
26. Godzilla Raids Again
27. Godzilla 1985
28. Son of Godzilla
29. Godzilla King of the Monsters (1956)
30. King Kong vs Godzilla (US version 1962)

Go-Go-Godzilla #29: Godzilla:Final Wars

Director: Ryuhei Kitamura
Year: 2004
Length: 125 minutes

This is the only Godzilla film, save for the original Gojira and King Kong vs Godzilla that I can say for certain that I have seen before. I watched this on video on demand in 2005 as my sister's place while looking after her dog. I recall thinking it was pretty not great back then.

The Gist: 

In the pre-credits, we're give a voice over with a pile of exposition about what's happened to the world. Long story short, the kaiju have awaken and the world has united and formed the Earth Defence Force. There are also Mutant humans with special abilities. They have been collected into an elite fighting team called M Organization. (Morgan I Zation?)

In the cold open, a sub full of multinationals managed to trap Godzilla in the ice of Antarctica. 

After the credits, a very different submarine, years later, let by MMA superstar and non-actor Don Frye (as the spectacularly mustachioed "Captain Gordon") is in battle with the dragon Manda. The serpentine creature is killed with a "maser blast" but it seem more of an absolute zero blast that freezes it instantly. Captain Gordon is dressed down for recklessly putting his crew in danger and costly damage to his ship. He's imprisoned for striking his superior.

Meanwhile, two M Organization cadets practice fight each other, and I assume it's a shitty Matrix riff, but it also looks like it inspired the Crank movies.  One of these fighters is Ozaki who will be the lead character of the film, the other is his in-organization nemesis who calls him weak for having compassion, but he will gain the respect of later, as is tradition.

The EDF have discovered a 12000-year-old Cyborg Monster from outer space that they discover has the genetic "m-base" that all the mutants have, meaning the mutants are a product of - or evolution as a result of - this kaiju. The monster, they are informed by the Shobijin in a telepathic vision, is classic Godzilla villain Gigan. It was defeated by Mothra way back when, but Mothra that he's an omen of ill tidings, and then informs  Ozaki that he has evil in his blood but he has a choice as to how he behaves, and then depending on how he acts it will determine if Monthra helps humanity or not. Mothra's always delivering ultimatums.

Rodan attacks "New York". It's CGI designed which finally gives Rodan some real speed, but it's a sloppy hybrid of suits, miniatures, digital and practical. It doesn't really work. Even less the horrendous CGI animated 'Zilla monster (basically a low-budget approximation of 1998's Godzilla) attacks Sydney. All the major and minor Toho kaiju attack major centres all over the earth all at once. The brief moments we spend in these other locations are cartoonishly vignettes. The husky kid in Vancouver bashing his Godzilla toys together while watching footage of the monster on TV has chocolate smeared all over his face.

Just as quickly as the monsters appear, they disappear, teleported away by a UFO that then appears above the EDF headquarters in Japan. These tekno emo alien, the Xilians, unconvincingly tell that the humans of Earth that they are friends, warning that Gorath is hurtling towards Earth to cause the end of everything. Earth needs to fire all their weaponry at it in order to survive, according to the Xilians. But there's something off with them, something odd about them appearing just as the EDF discovered Gigan. And it appears they've been replacing world leaders with carbon copies that don't blink. 

EDF scientists secretly discover that Gorath is a hologram, and expose the Xilians on a television talk show, where the handsome, stylish, maniacal "X" kills the Xilians leader and takes over. X seems to have telepathic powers, and he mind controls all the mutants except Ozaki. X also sends all the Kaiju under his control back to the major cities to resume the destruction. After a motorcycle chase that plays on Mission Impossible II's motorocycle gun fight, only next level and terrible-looking, Ozaki frees Captain Gordon. They hatch a plan to plow through the Xilians defences to Antarctica where they will free Godzilla who will take on all the kaiju and, hopefully, they can trick into destroying the Xilians mothership. X awakens Gigan, but proves no match for the king of monsters.

Godzilla works his way up the Eastern Pacific, destroying every kaiju in his wake. Except X dispatches Monster X who can monster fight like no monster before. Mothra enters the fray but has to face off against a super-ultra Gigan. Ultimately when Godzilla seemingly defeats Monster X, it transforms...into King Ghidorah!

 Ozaki meanwhile faces off against X as the mothership burns around them, learning that the Mutants are basically genetically the same as Xilians but that both X and Ozaki are a one-in-a-million Mutants with cosmic-level powers. It's more Matrix fight riffs as well as Ozaki's Neo-esque, you-are-The-One awakening.

Godzilla is close to defeat from Ghidorah, who is draining him of all his energy, but Ozaki uses his newfound powers to supercharge Godzilla who tears Ghidorah's heads off.

With all the kaiju and Xilians defeated the remaining main cast of humans (Ozaki, Gordon, a couple of ladies, some political figures, etc) face Godzilla eye to eye, but Minilla (yes, Baby Godzilla's in this film, looking very retro) and his child friend both get in the way of the fight, indicating that it's time for the humans and Godzilla to stop fighting. An unlikely truce, but a truce nonetheless. 

Godzilla, Friend or Foe:
Frenemy

The Samesies:
We've had plenty of aliens come to Earth preaching peace only to be deceiving the humans and needing Godzilla's help to destroy them in the Showa Era. This is another one. 

The Differences:
This film is saturated in blue, which film language teaches us is the colour of a technologically advanced but dystopian future. It's the first time I can recall a Godzilla film having colour coding like this (it's mainly used as a mask for the bad CGI, but it's also a choice, I guess), and while not Godzilla's first future-set feature (that'd be Destroy All Monsters), it's the first to really step beyond present day. 

There is so much non-stop action -- abnormal for a Godzilla film -- that it's really too much for any of it to be done well on a Godzilla movie's budget.  It's fairly Power Rangers-y, in that it looks like a made-for-tv effects. 

It has a corny soundtrack that isn't an orchestral score. Instead it's a tekno-metal shredding guitars soundtrack by Keith Emerson, Nobuhiko Morino and Daisuke Yano). It feels like 2004 by way of 1997. It's probably the most wildly different score since Masaru Sato's surf-inspired soundtract to Ebirah in 1966.

At over 2 hours, it's easily the longest of all the Toho Godzilla movies to this point.

Anyone worth caring about?
Oh god no. This is an entirely spectacle-driven movie. While Ozaki is the main character and, I guess, has a journey, there are no pains made to invest the audience in him at all. The fact that his "chosen one" arc basically doesn't come into play until the third act and is all laid out for him by the villain highlights it.

Wait... I care about X. He was just trying to set up earth as a farm and humanity as cattle.  He's got an entrepreneur's spirit with a rancher's heart. I found Kenji Kohashi's performance charming and delightful.

The Message:
How can we defend people without a heart? It's just a line in the movie, not really a mission statement.

Rating (out of 5 Zs): ZZz
Bonkers, in good and bad ways.

Sleepytime Factor:
There is entirely too much going on to find it boring. I mean, I rolled my eyes a lot, but I was never bored.