Japanese Name: Gojira tai Mekagojira
Alt English Name: Godzilla vs the Bionic Monster
Director: Jun Fukuda
Studio: Toho
Year: 1974
Length: 1h24
The Creature's' Story:
Godzilla just hanging, out, living Godzilla's life when Godzilla hear Anguiras pained cry for help. Sigh. Godzilla guess Godzilla go check this thing out.
Big metal beast look like Godzilla, but not Godzilla. Godzilla hide in warehouse until opportune moment to pop out and surprise shit out of big metal beast. Godzilla tussle with big metal beast, tear of big metal beast totally fake Godzilla skin. BMB do a Wonder Woman and all fake Godzilla skin disappear. BaMBi then fire BaMBi fingers at Godzilla. Stinging fingers. Not like dumb humans flying stingers, these actually hurt, knock Godzilla over.
BaMBi fire rainbow lazer eyes. Godzilla glad BaMBi full of queer pride, but also, no thank you. Godzilla counter with atomic blast. Atomic blast and pride blast collide. Big explosion send Godzilla flying into water. Godzilla very bloody and hurt. 'Nuff of this crap. At least BaMBi damaged too. BaMBi fly away with rocket feet. Godzilla go home too. Don't care if humans think Godzilla dead. Eff those guys. What they ever do for Godzilla?
Godzilla back home on Monster Island, keep getting hit by lightning. Godzilla get all super-charged that big puffy silver back fins go all sparky.
Godzilla see hairy monkey-bat-lion fighting BaMBi, trading pride beams back and forth. Monkey-bat-lion do good job at first, but monkey-bat-lion no match for BaMBi's arsenal. Of course Godzilla got to get in on this. Godzilla pop out of water and... slowly trudge Godzilla's way towards fight. Hopefully monkey-bat-lion hang on til Godzilla get there.
Ok, BaMBi, rematch. Godzilla go for atomic blast. Drat! BaBMi more nimble than last time, and fly off, counter with pride beam, send Godzilla on Godzilla's ass. Bat-monkey-lion join fray, but BaMBi hit us both at same time with flying stinging fingers AND toes. BaMBi just stand there with head spinning real fast, Godzilla try attack, but head spin create force field? Stinging force field, ouch!
BaMBi put on all out assault on Godzilla and monkey-bat-lion. Pride beam. Zappy chest beam. Stinging fingers and toes. Flying attacks. Ouch. Ouch. Ouch. Ouch. Artery in Godzilla's neck rupture... so bloody. But Godzilla learn rope-a-dope. When BaMBi out of ammo, Godzilla supercharge self, become magnetized, and BaMBi cannot fly away. Godzilla pull BaMBi to ground and grapple. BaMBi try to fly off, but can't. Godzilla stranglehold BaMBi, monkey-bat-lion do multiple body blows. Godzilla rip of BaMBi's mothereffin' head.
BaMBi explode. Godzilla go sailing back into ocean. Whatever. Godzilla wins! Ok Godzilla go home now.
The Human Story:
Brothers Masahiko and Keisuke witness a priestess experience a vision, seeing a city in flames following a monster attack.
Masahiko goes off for some ill-attired spelunking where he discovers an odd metal while Keisuke returns to work, his men excitedly reporting finding cave with ancient Okinawan paintings. Archaeologist Saeko arrives to take photos and pick a statue of "King Cesar" and later, back at the university, interpret the findings. It's a prophecy, not too dissimilar to the priestesses. Two unconnected suspicious men skulk around. One claims to be a reporter, the other more nefarious.
Keisuke escorts Saeko to his archaeology professor uncle's place for a consult on a statue found in the cave, while Masahiko learns from a scientist, Professor Mayajima, the metal is space titanium. An earthquatke hits. The nefarious man busts into the uncle's house with a gun, demanding the statue. Keisuke interrupts and a very awkward brawl happens.
A mountain explodes. Godzilla emerges and attacks, only he doesn't sound like Godzilla and his fins are silver and puffy. Anguiras, Godzilla's buddy, turns up and this Godzilla kicks the crap out of him, busting his jaw wide open. Something's not right here. (If you've read the title, I'm sure you know what it is). "Godzilla" continues its rampage, when the real Godzilla busts out of a warehouse. The fight exposes the first Godzilla as a fake. Some dudes in silver jumpsuits, surrounded by silver consoles --clearly alien in nature-- seem pleased. They are "space aliens" from Black Hole Planet 3, here to conquer Earth.
Mechagodzilla's laser beams cross paths with Godzilla's atomic breath and an explosion happens. Godzilla falls into the water, disappearing with a pool of blood bubbling up. Mechagodzilla's head controls stop working and gets recalled to base. Meanwhile Uncle Professor has deduced the mystery of the statue and knows where King Cesar slumbers. And Professor Mayajima has been blackmailed into helping the aliens fix Mechagodzilla's broken head with his Nobel prize winning smarts.
Godzilla stands out in a storm and gets supercharged by lightning. I thought he hated electricity?
Nefarious guy steals the statue from Saeko but Keisuke is onto him. Keisuke shoots him in the face, and he starts morphing into a half-man/half-ape. He flees with the statue. But they're on a boat so he can't go far. He's shot and falls overboard with the statue. But, turns out it was a decoy Keisuke had made. When they get to the hotel, they learn that Masahiko and Prof. Mayajima have been missing for two days, so Keisuke sets out the find them. When he encounters an alien, he's saved by the "reporter" (again) who is actually with Interpol.
Having fixed Mechagodzilla the Professor and friends are sentenced to death by sauna. But Keisuke and the Interpol agent save the day.The Interpol agent, Masahiko, and Prof. Mayajima storm the alien's base set to destroy Mechagodzilla, while Saeko and Keisuke race to take the statue to its rightful home. They awaken King Cesar, and the aliens set Mechagodzilla upon him.
Cesar isn't strong enough to defeat him alone. But even when Godzilla emerges, still alive together they might not be able to defeat the walking arsenal that is Mechagodzilla. Seemingly down for the count, that supercharge Godzilla got earlier allows him to turn himself into a giant magnet, and he pulls Mechagodzilla towards him. He grabs the metal monster and King Cesar, gives it a few good bashes, then Godzilla rips its head off. Back in the alien hq, the Interpol Agent and Mayajima succeed in killing the aliens and blowing up the base.
Godzilla goes home and King Cesar buries himself in his cave and goes back to sleep.
Godzilla, Friend or Foe:
The big guy does what he needs to do all friendly-like.
The Sounds:
Over the Toho logo, it sounds like big band horns and drums pounding...maybe even a bit like the muppet show's about to begin. After a brief prologue, Masaru Sato's playful, rolling, textural theme kicks in. It transitions into a live performance of an Azumi ceremony.
Later the Azumi priestess sings a 60's swinging ode to King Cesar to awaken him, all 2 and a half minutes of it. It's fine but stops the movie a bit dead in its third-act tracks.
Mechagodzilla's roar is a tight hiss of a squeal. Like the Kracken from the Hercules cartoon. King Cesar has a roar that sounds more like a gorilla than a lion, but I can't really tell
The Message:
Umm,..if space apes try to take over the world with a robot Godzilla, you gotta stop that shit?
Rating (out of 5 Zs):
ZZZz
Mysticism, spirituality, aliens, superspies, giant monster battles, budding romances, this one has it all. Fukuda's back to doing a more artistically styled movie, with handheld shots, extreme close ups, playing with light and shadow, using smoke to great effect. A real who's who of godzilla players from the past
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