3 Short Paragraphs (Or Not): Kandahar

2023, Ric Roman Waugh (Greenland) -- download/Amazon

Called Mission: Kandahar for some reason, now that its on Amazon.

I had downloaded this movie when it first appeared for streaming, but I was subjected to either full sub-titles of the English dialogue, or just sub-titles for the non-English dialogue. Given this was a Saturday or Sunday watch for me (while the Peanut Galley sleeps, and I keep the volume low), I needed both --- optimally, embedded non-English subs and English subtitles I could turn on. So, I decided to wait for it to show up legit, as it was so low impact, I knew it wouldn't take too long on one of the services I have. Alas, when it did, the non-English were indeed embedded, like twice, but there was no English subtitle track to be found. Amazon is so shit at this side of things.

Anywayz, the movie was not what I expected. Much more, in fact. There were two movies that were coming out, which hinged on the unfortunate situations after the US abandoned their mission in Afghanistan. It was very clear that the fates of those (interpreters, local staff, etc.) the US forces worked with were dire. Two movies came out where Afghani interpreters were main characters. This was one, and Guy Ritchie's The Covenant was the other. I will cover that movie at a later date.

So, Aging Action Star Gerard Butler (Greenland) is Aging CIA Agent Tom Harris embedded in Iran pretending to be an Internet technician creating magical underground wifi so the paranoid Iranian army can watch football. But what he and his partner are really doing is tapping into a cable that connects to the local hidden nuclear facility. I mean, it could be about safe cheaper nuclear power, but then why hide it underground? So, they tap in, insert a virus and blow the fucker up. Like, nuclear smoke on the horizon blowed up real good. Good thing most of the radiation was contained underground, says Iranian official to his army / secret police counterpart.

But while the US was executing this mission, a whistleblower leaks the plans to a British journalist in Tehran, whose phone is tapped. She is disappeared and Harris's cover is blown very loudly all over the news. He was about to go on another mission, instead of dutifully going home to his failing family, but instead he take this "one last job" for Roman (Travis Fimmel, Vikings), the local CIA guy in Afghanistan who has also converted to Islam. Roman has flown in interpreter Mo (Navid Negahban, Legion) and he is assigned to Tom when shit hits fan. The only way out for the two of them is a British plane leaving from an isolated airbase near Kandahar.

Meanwhile, a Pakistani secret-agent is tasked with capturing Harris, so as to sell him on the black market. He has just finished negotiating with Afghany warlords, to temper their activities stating that after the whole ISIS thing, anything these guys do can blow back on the rest of the Muslim world, so like, cool it guys. Meanwhile, an Iranian army/secret police guy is tasked with heading to Afghanistan to capture Harris for his Supreme Leader (not Snoke). 

There is a lot of shit going on here. Warlords and ISIS and Pakistan and Iran all blundering into the desert to find and capture/kill Tom Harris and his interpreter Mo, who was only in-country to find his wife's sister. His experience as an interpreter for the Americans was not good, but at least he got out. So many did not, including his son. Harris has his own thoughts on all that, as he carries the memory of his own interpreter who was hanged right after the US and allies pulled out. 

Yes, a lot of shit is going on here but the movie is a classic chase plot, just with more players and the absolute beauty of the empty desert (Saudi Arabia) which somehow still has cell phone reception. There isn't much in the way of espionage, just survival. Are the politics depicted accurate? I don't know, but it felt more than just rah-rah, America great! Even the Iranian army gets some sympathy.