A Toast To Hallmarkent
Holidate (2020, d. John Whitesell - Netflix)
The Story:
Sloane recently went through a break-up that devastated her, and she's refusing to call the guys her family keeps trying to set her up with. She has one of those families that seems to only care whether she's dating someone or not. At Christmas she gets harassed by all family members about both her love life and her appearance, receives sad oversized pajamas from her sister, sits at the kids table (which she calls "the singles table") with her nieces and nephews, and her brother gets engaged to the girl he's been dating for three months. Oh, and she accidentally witnesses her aunt receiving cunnilingus from a mall Santa she brought as her "holidate" (a no-strings-attached date just for a holiday to get family off your back).
On the other side of Chicago, Jackson is going on a third date to his not girlfriend's parent's house for Christmas because he's Australian and is unable to return home. Has nowhere else to go. Alarm bells start ringing immediately when the parents, decked out in matching ugly Christmas sweaters welcome him like he's practically family. The mom takes him through VOLUMES of photographs and shows him the daughter's pageant trophies in a horrifyingly pink bedroom, and then advises him that they're cool if he nails their daughter there. He says he's not planning on staying over. The third-date meanwhile is so excited about how much her parents love him she orally pleases him in her bedroom. He receives from her not just the BJ but the gift of khakis, and she expects something in return...even though she said they weren't going to do the whole "gift thing". It erupts and he storms out of that family that may or may not be part of a cult.
Sloane and Jackson meet at the returns desk where the pajamas and khakis are holding up the line due to no receipt. The two sort of bond over their horrible holiday experiences and Sloane's aunt's idea of a "holidate" spurs Jackson to suggest the idea that they be each other's de-facto holidate for any occasion necessary. She's reluctant but invariably she finds herself with Jackson on New Years Eve, Valentines Day, St. Patrick's Day, Easter, Cinquo de Maya, Mother's Day, and the 4th of July. A Labor Day wedding they attend with separate dates but wind up hanging out together anyway. Hallowe'en comes and Sloan finds herself in trouble with Jackson coming to her rescue. The next morning, they totally do it, but the sudden complication of their Holidate arrangement creates weird tension that obviously doesn't get resolved until Christmas, in grand rom-com fasion.
The Draw:
Honestly, I put it on for something to watch, and very quickly found myself chuckling, then laughing out loud. I thought this was just going to be another of Netflix's Hallmark-esque Christmas romance in the vein of A Princess Switch or A Christmas Prince but no, this is a legit actual romcom movie...like one that should have been in theatres.
The Formulae:
Even though it's not a Hallmark or Lifetime or of it's ilk, it's still laden with tropes. The whole "family harrassing the single woman for being single" is terribly cliche (but most movies don't have Frances Fisher as the mom doing the harassing). Likewise, the plot where characters use each other as a no-strings-attached plus one only to find actual love with each other is one of the most common plots of the genre. The girl just having been through a devastating breakup and not really trusting men anymore...yep...but that's just kind of like real life too, eh?
Unformulae:
This whole template Toast and I use is built around Hallmark-type movies and pointing out where these incredibly rote, generic, milquetoast movies differentiate from one another is part of the fun.
With Holidate, well, it's a real movie, with swearing and sexuality, and fleshed out characters (I liked the B-plot with the sister who has to go to all the holiday events by herself because her husband is too paranoid to leave the kids with anyone).
And dammit, it's funny. I laughed out loud regularly. The performances are great, there's wonderful chemistry among all the actors. I believe Sloane's family is a family (they all pick on her the same way) and that connection really sells the humour.
Plus, my wife and I came out of it with the catchphrase "Your tits look great in that outfit". Not a very useful catchphrase, but we're sure to use it inappropriately with each other and laugh and laugh.
True Calling?
Well, yeah. It's all about the "Holidate".
The Rewind:
Shall we say the first half hour? Or Easter. See below.
The Regulars:
Dan Lauria, the dad from The Wonder Years has a small part here. He's been in a couple different Hallmark/Holiday romance films. Hell, he played Santa in "I'm Not Ready For Christmas" which was the first entry in last year's T&K X-Mas Advent Calendar ... the title song of which I just heard playing in the grocery store last night!
Everyone else is great. Emma Roberts has been acting forever and she's delightful...a little cranky but very fun, all the charm and powers of a young Rosanna Arquette. Luke Bracey I don't know at all, but as I always say: handsome Aussie...yes please... and he's damn charming like a Hemsworth cousin or something. (Also, I loved the joke he made about Sloane's ex... Luc..."Luc? Sounds like a wanker"). Jessica Capshaw as Sloane's sister Abby is an amazing and amusing supporting player, and Kristin Chenoweth as the hyper-sexual Aunt Susan is always a delight (she wears a Playboy bunny outfit to the kid's Easter party. There's one moment at the end of a scene where she's bunny hopping towards off screen in the background that made me chuckle so hard. Loved it. Rewind moment! (oh, and I note that Chenoweth also starred in her first Hallmark in last year's A Chrismas Love Story which I reviewed and Toasty did too, with differing results (a year later I think Toasty was more correct than I was lol.))
How does it Hallmark?
1000% better than even the best Hallmark movie (which for the record, in my opinion, is The Christmas Club)
How does it movie?
It's great.
Here's how great.
I started watching it on my own, as I tend to do with the holiday romance fare. My wife tends to join me a few minutes in and only half pay attention to the terrible movie I'm forcing her to watch. She doesn't really like romcoms in general nor the Hallmarkie holiday romances. So she comes in to Holidate about a half hour in and about 10 minutes pass before she says "I'm kind of really enjoying this". So I gladly offer to start it over (the setup is really funny) and we watch the whole movie through having a wonderful time. We do so love a handsome Australian.
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