The Draw: Honestly? Lesbian Hallmarkie, actually done by Hallmark. And Humberly González. Its always nice to see different perspectives and representation. Was expecting this one to be past the whole "oh, look we featured gay people" writing style and just do a story.
HERstory: Dani (Humberly González, Nobody) is a visual artist working in NYC, challenged with finding her vision. Amelia (Ali Liebert, Van Helsing) is a work work work lawyer at her dad's firm expecting to be offered a partnership before Xmas. But Amelia's dad (Barclay Hope, Riverdale) is concerned she is still hung-up on her ex, and wants to set her up. Dad's college buddy suggests coffee with his daughter, who happens to be Dani. Meanwhile Dani is telling her parents she won't be home for Xmas this year because she has been tasked by the arts collective she works at to manage their Xmas silent auction as well as some other Xmas Events. Her parents are very very disappointed, and show up out of the blue. Dani is not impressed.
Amelia and Dani meet for coffee. They are from different worlds. Dani is all cute and perky and brightly coloured. Amelia is prim and business suit. Dani is double-peppermint hot chocolate, Amelia is black coffee. They both realize very quickly this was not meant to be a coffee meetup, but a proper setup despite the two saying NO to their parents. But whatever, they go with it. And hatch an idea. They will pretend it went over really well and be Fake Girlfriends.
I know there is a cliche as to how fast lesbians move into relationships but the movie doesn't even give them time to even fake get to know each other. They go from lying about hitting it off to tons of hanging out while all doing Dani's holiday work work work stuff, and family things, and friends things. Amelia tells her best friend its fake, but I am not sure Dani tells anyone... maybe her gay roommate.
Everyone seems to roll with them going from Just Met to Oh Such a Nice Couple in the space of 24 hrs. There is not even a whiff of "aren't you moving kind of fast ?" Sure, I guess its the lesbian cliche moved in the same direction of the Hallmarkie "I just met you but I looooove you" aspect. The problem is that I just don't buy it. Sure, they make the requisite googley eyes but the chemistry is just not there.
Actually the whole movie is kind of chemistry free. Its more along the lines of what Everybody Else thinks all Hallmarkies are like: uninspired, running on rails, everybody doing the minimum performance. I was just bored. Too bored to even do a proper recap.
But yeah, all the fake girlfriend stuff is pulled off, they convince everyone until the final day when Amelia realizes it all has to end and breaks it off for real. Dani then explains to her family that she was lying but is now truly hurt that the fake breakup feels like a real breakup.
But the two meet up, and fueled by a Grand Romantic Gesture, and finally kiss. A requisite kiss. No fire for me. I guess they will live happily ever after?
The Formulae: Lots of Xmas everywhere. The set dressers deserve an award for how Xmas they this half-baked cookie of a story. There are two Xmas Events to depict, one is Dani's silent auction and the other is Amelia's cliche office party -- semi-formal. Nobody wears red to the latter. But Amelia wears a nice red dress to the auction. Just nice. There is hot chocolate (double peppermint) and a tree decorating.... kind of; I don't think we actually get to see it. The movie ends on a misunderstanding where Dani has an opportunity but it will separate Amelia and her, even after they begin acknowledging their fake-relationship has grown real. Its weird, cuz its not really a misunderstanding; its the real things happening -- Dani's opportunity did come through and she is taking it and it will separate the two.
Oh, and one trope that is not quite related to Hallmarkies or Xmas but... the living outside your means. There is no way Dani can afford that massive apartment in Brooklyn. Her parents MUST be paying for it.
Unformulae: It takes place entirely in The Big City. No cookie baking, but there are artsy crafted lanterns?
True Calling? No it doesn't. In the very last scene, where they are having Xmas Day dinner in Dani's huge apartment, Dani brings up the oft used queer adage about the family you have and the family you make, albeit in a less challenging use. Nobody is here because they have been shunned by blood family members (that they say) but its the source of the title of the movie but it never really plays into the rest of the movie in any significant manner, as all Hallmarkies depict faamily and they depict friends.
The Rewind: Yeah, I am pretty sure there are no douglas firs in any large parks in Brooklyn.
The Regulars: Being of the Vancouver acting family, of course Ali Liebert has done a few of these, as well as roles in much Canadian TV. Barclay Hope is the same. That's about it.
How does it Hallmark? Meh. I appreciate the effort, but not the effort put in.
How does it movie? No.
How Does It Snow? There were some scenes where they were walking along wet side walks with snow collected in the corners and sides that looked actually real, but makes me wonder if they transported it from somewhere actually snowy. But at least it wasn't cotton or rink slush.
I'm glad you watched this one so I didn't have to. I was going to but I burned out on Hallmarkies after, what, 2 of them this year, and I just couldn't be arsed, because I felt like the direction HM is going in (ergo, trying to make better, smarter, more self aware productions but without more budget to make a real movie) has not been as appealing as the "can you believe how samey same these all are" HM past. I don't want to watch HM sincerely, I want to watch them steeped in irony.
ReplyDeleteI have one more HM planned for the 24th (provided it records properly).
Maybe tomorrow's should be a "what's airing right now" selection... whatever dogshit that might be. A proper, coming into it missing the first 25 minutes and sussing out what's going on...