Thursday, May 30, 2019

Happy Death Day

2017, d. Christopher Landon - crave

Toasty just wrote a review for the sequel which I'm now really keen on seeing.  It actually was the advertising for the sequel that spurred my interest in this series.  The trailers looked tremendously entertaining, to the point I was ready to go into seeing the sequel cold.  Conversely, the trailers for this first entry made the film look so generic, like 90% of all the big screen horror movie trailers put out there.  It really emphasized how brutally cliche the film's college kids are (but doesn't really get across that they're comedically cliche).  Plus "In Da Club"? Really? That's the song you're going with.  It's a wonder this was a success at all that it could spawn a sequel.


We've had a few different takes now on the live-die-repeat time/life loop in movies (Groundhog Day [obviously], Edge Of Tomorrow, Arq, among others) and TV (Russian Doll, recent episodes of Star Trek: Discovery and Legends of Tomorrow, among others) and quite frankly most (if not all) have been tremendously fun. But what Happy Death Day has that others do not is Jessica Rothe. How is she not a much bigger star already? Is the initial (and mistaken) impression I had of this film - that of being a schlocky also-ran in the endless, tedious parade of modern slasher flicks - keeping the powers that be in filmmaking away from this film, being unexposed to this incredible talent thus casting her in...well, anything. Come on people! At the very least she should be paired up in a sister comedy with Anna Faris.  Make it happen!!

As noted, the sequel was marketed so much better (and yet fared poorly at the box office comparatively).  As Toasty wrote, it's sold as more of a sci-fi/time travel comedy.  I was very surprised by this since the marketing had this pegged as tedious final girl serial killer pablum when it's actually a witty dark comedy that has only the slightest of horror elements imbued. As far as these kinds of things go, it's pretty tame, a PG-13 styled thriller (but seriously, it's a comedy) with no real gore and most of the kills happen with a cutaway back to Tree (Rothe) waking up on her birthday again.  Perhaps it was this bait-and-switch that kept the ticket buyers of the first one away from the second one?  Is it possible that the duplicitous shaping of the film into a straightforward horror movie is what drew the teen horror audiences in, and subsequently disappointed them (rather than surprised them) with lack of bloody payoffs?  Perhaps the desires of this middle-aged man, to be entertained with clever plotting, genre twists and delightful acting, are much different than the desires of the youthful slasher-going crowd who want nothing more to be titillated by blood and gore rather than cerebral delights and charming performances.

I don't know what it is about this story-now-genre of complicated (or awful) people living a single day over and over again only to become a better person ... I love it very very much and am here for it over and over again. It's a superficial character growth movie almost exactly in the vein of Groundhog Day, not nearly as resonant or deep as Russian Doll (philosophic ponderings here are pretty much non-existant), but Rothe keeps the attention on her at all times, and her performance has a lived-in feel.  Tree is emotionally distant from pretty much everyone at the start, making her way through life in a relative fugue state, not connecting to the guys she's dated, her sorority sisters or even her roommate who clearly makes an effort to be a friend.  She not stuck up, or pompous, there's clearly something deeper to her disaffection and that does come out, and she does achieve self-awareness.  But unlike Groundhog Day, that's not the end goal.  Instead, she needs to figure out who keeps killing her.  It doesn't have a metaphysical karmic purpose, and I was hoping for some minor left field explanation like her father or mother was a quantum physicist or something that might tease why Tree is having this episode, but it doesn't really matter when it's all so much fun, right?

 I need to watch that sequel immediately.

Wednesday, May 29, 2019

Double Dose: get a piece of The Rock

Jumanji: Welcome To The Jungle - 2017, d. Jake Kasdan - crave
Rampage - 2018, d. Brad Peyton - crave


I have little connection to the original Jumanji.  I was almost 20 when it came out, and it seemed, quite clearly, a kids movie, plus Robin Williams was always more miss than hit with me .  It was with my daughter that I finally watched it around the time the marketing engine for this sequel/reboot came out, and it was fine.  It hasn't really stayed with me at all and Welcome to the Jungle hits home why: there's no real mythology to Jumanji.  The whole thing is people get sucked into the game, and they have to win it to get out.  Were this a horror movie, there would be a series of well established rules by which the participants have to play, firm canon or lore that should carry and build from one film to the next.  ...Jungle  pays a brief nod to Williams' character from the first, but that's about its only connection.

The loose connection aside, ...Jungle is a fun watch, if slightly overlong.  The main cast, Dwayne Johnson, Kevin Hart, Karen Gillen and Jack Black commit well to portraying teenagers with their dueling insecurities and self-absorption.  Johnson playing scared or emotionally vulnerable is a side we don't see from him very often, and it's put to both comedic and dramatic effect, pulled off well in both cases.  Black does a lot of the comedic heavy lifting, playing a pretty, popular girl stuck in Jack Black's body, but with an earnest effort at depth, not just a shallow caricature.   Gillen is the awkward outcast thrust into an ass-kicking video game female form, complete with short shorts and a crop top.  Gillen nails the insecure mannerisms, folding her arms most of the time to hide her midriff, the film commenting on how absurdly underdressed she is for the environment, but it should go further.   Hart is the most like a Kevin Hart persona, and his character's journey seems the slightest (never truly addressing the meaning behind the fractured friendship that is brought up).

The execution of Jumanji-as-a-video-game is decent but minimal, as if the screenwriters only applied the basest of cliches and weren't experienced gamers themselves.  There's so much room for commentary on video game culture and how youth culture interacts with it, but it's largely sidestepped for some decently entertaining action set pieces.  Truly this is a kids action-adventure film (with a few dick jokes thrown in for the older kids) that is all-ages palatable.  If the action falls flat its because the villain of the piece, played by Bobby Cannivale, is just a menacing void with no real personality or motivation.  There's a sharper, smarter movie to be made here, hopefully with the next one.


While Jumanji 2 is about putting an action movie story into a video game structure, Rampage is actually taking a video game and making it into an action movie.  Rampage has lived a few different lives since its mid-1980's origin, but it's almost uniformly been the same game.  You play one of three monsters (Ralph is a giant wolf thing, Lizzie is a giant lizard thing, and George is a giant ape), you wreck buildings, eat people, smush tanks and bash helicopters to gain points (and you can also beat up the other monster).  It's quite simple, frankly, and was mind-numbing fun for bored youth.

Turning that rather unassuming premise into a big action movie may seem like a bit of a chore but really it's a blank slate.  There's no real mythology or lore to capture from Rampage the video game, so the writer, director, producers could basically take the property and do with it as they will, as long as it winds up at some point with the monsters wrecking buildings, eating people, smushing tanks, bashing helicopters and beating on each other.

Now I know I literally *just* said there was no real lore or mythology to the Rampage games, but the one main detail the game has that the movie ignores is that George, Lizzie and Ralph are people who mutate into these giant creatures.  The film basically mutates an albino gorilla, a wolf, and an alligator into these giant creatures.  So, you know, adaptation fail right there.  When the source has so little to work with, how do you ignore one of its main components?

If, like most people, you have no connection to the video game, the story is fine.  It's not ingenious but they have fun with it.  A nefarious corporation run by siblings - one an evil genius, the other a bit of a blundering dolt - has been playing with CRISPR gene re-coding to try and create essentially a super soldier serum.  They were testing it on rats in a space station when shit went wrong, and the serum ultimately rains down upon the Earth.  Three creatures get infected, including George who is basically best friends with ex-marine The Rock.  Ex-marine The Rock says he likes animals better than people but to be honest he's pretty damn good with people too.  The man is full of charm.  That's why he's so swoll.

When George gets gigantic, ex-marine The Rock tries to keep him calm, but the evil genius has flipped a homing beacon switch calling all the monsters to cross vast distances to convene on their headquarters in Chicago (what is this plan??!!??) and they are mindlessly compelled to do so.  Along the way the army tries to take them out to no avail, so it's up to ex-marine The Rock and gene scientist Naomi Harris to go there and try and cancel the homing beacon and hopefully convince George to fight the wolf and lizard.  Also, Jeffrey Dean Morgan plays a government guy who seems like an asshole at first but is totally charming with his weird accent and is actually mostly a decent guy trying to do the right thing.  But he's generally extraneous.  Oh and Joe Manganiello is in here as a cocky-as-shit military guy who tries to take out the wolf and loses big time.  I think this was supposed to be a big Deep Blue Sea style twist but my surprise equated to a meager "huh".

The film is kind of goofy but mostly in the right ways.  Malin Akerman's evil corporate person is all cliche and she plays right into all of them.  It's not quite a comedic performance but almost.  Her brother, played by Jake Lacy, meanwhile, is really quite damn funny in his semi-clueless, incompetent, pompous shitbag role.  Playing a dumb guy who thinks he's smart is tricky and he nails it.

But really what are people there for?  To watch giant monsters destroy Chicago (oh Chi-town, a favourite target for destruction, second only to San Fran).  And yeah, they trash it but good.  It's not ugly CGI madness like Transformers: Dark of the Moon, but also not much different.  There's a really great building falling over sequence which should come with a 9-11 trigger warning.  Also George the albino gorilla is pretty awesome, and has a great rapport with The Rock. 

In all both are not great movies but have charm to spare and are decent time passers.  Jumanji 2 has a great cast that keeps it afloat, while Rampage has just enough little likeable bits to keep one interested as long as you don't think too much about it.  And The Rock is never not watchable or likeable in these.  I should also note I watched both of these with my 9-year-old daughter and they both seemed ok for this age.  A bit of language in the former and violence in the latter but nothing she hasn't seen in a Marvel movie.  Kids these days, grow up so fast.

Tuesday, May 28, 2019

3 Short Paragraphs: Happy Death Day 2U

2019, Christopher Landon (Scouts Guide to the Zombie Apocalypse) -- download

Like, the last movie, this one was an absolute joy to watch. Bleah, what a fuddy duddy term to use. But that is how I feel these days, getting all gray and pudgy and out of touch. Not that I was ever in touch. But looking at all these pretty college kids I cannot help but think I am not supposed to enjoy this movie as much as I do.

Following up on the last movie, which was basically Groundhog Day Horror Movie (wait, what? why can't I find that movie on the blog? what alternate world did I not watch and rave about this movie??!?!) but oh, so much better than just that comparison, Landon just ... well, does his horror movie all over again but as a scifi time travel flick. He goes from taking the time loop mystical story (she has to find out who she has harmed to end the loop) to actually EXPLAINING the time loop, while keeping the charm and wit of the original movie.

Again, Jessica Rothe as main character Tree (yes, tree) is the best thing about this movie. She is a typical vacuous blonde popular girl (at least those didn't change as I aged) who grows because of the loop(s) she is stuck in. In the first one she just learns to find love and break the loop via understanding, here she gathers the bunch from the first movie (along with additional nerds) and determines (via SCIENCE) why she is looping and solves a riddle. And she gets to grow even more, while not really dispensing being a beautiful, young blonde girl, but becoming a real girl.

ReWatch: Olympus has Fallen vs White House Down

This blog is as much about blogging as it is about movies and other aspects of pop culture, especially when it basically has an audience of one (me) or maybe two, when Kent isn't tearing down walls or raising up puppies.

I guess that makes it also as much about writing as it is about the other topics, because we hit 1000 published posts, have been around for eight years or so, but I don't believe I have improved. And I have been thinking a lot about writing of late, having moved from my notebooks full of vignettes (flash fiction?) to an actual intent on completing something whether it be short story or novella or even great white whale novels. And since this is my usual outlet, that aspect of my writerly brain seeps in. That is the obtuse way of explaining the man on the bicycle posts here and there -- a brief and odd attempt to reboot my creative brain, because if I am not improving then I am at least changing.

ReWatches may seem lazy. But to me, the blog is more about consuming pop culture than it is writing movie reviews. And sometimes consuming means absorbing what you already like (The Shelf) or just watching something easy, because fully paying attention is a challenge. I took to these two movies mainly because in today's Age of Trump, we need to be reminded that there are still those out there that still revere the Presidency and the White House.

Think about it. We are in an era where the entire world is watching the USA and the buffoon in charge, and not with a fond glance but more with the gaze at a car wreck. No longer is he the "Leader of the Free World", no longer can even the American people look to their leader with misplaced adoration and even possible worship. Both of these movies take the topic of an attack not only on American soil, but a brazen attack on a symbol of her power -- the President in his own house. Can that even be taken seriously these days?

I saw Olympus has Fallen when it came out, and I admit I am still surprised I really like Antoine Fuqua's movies. They are middle of the road actioners, but they are straight forward Heroic Movies. His heroes are classically damaged but once the movie begins, they are unfettered and just get the job done. The protagonist & plot is straight forward but the movie affected me in ways I didn't expect. The casualty rate was so high, so blatant and spread across the innocent victim range, it staggered me. That didn't change in second viewing.

Conversely, White House Down contains its mayhem. The former was all about us really REALLY hating on the bad guys because of what we saw them do, while the latter has us frowning at the baddies for daring to touch their precious White House. This movie really worships the palace of the American royalty, even giving us a vehicle to experience this adoration, with Channing Tatum's daughter desperate to see inside the walls, and because she does. Interesting that while the former movie's main focus is having ex-Secret Service Banning desperate to rescue his friend and President, Tatum is more concerned with rescuing his daughter. Comment on family over duty?

Some side characters of note. Both movies have pretty, young, brunette background characters who get to die tragically during one of the plots misdirections. They are accessible, attractive and sympathetic characters, the girls next door whom we can mourn. Meanwhile, both movies also have an inside man, a character originally presented as one of the inner circle but whom betrays them for personal reasons or gain. James Woods plays the disgruntled head of the Secret Service who hates his soft, black President. I like that he pretty much played himself, based on what we know about him IRL these days.

Jamie Foxx is obviously playing the Obama analog, and the motivation behind the attack is basically the MAGA elite deciding to take him down. It has a chilling comment on current USA with maybe them realising the best way to take down the government was from within? Meanwhile, Aaron Eckart is the idealized white President, more than a little naive as to what his government actually represents. Or maybe, just maybe, he is from that alternate reality where they really, truly are a force of Good in the world.

So, we come to these movies with Hero Worship, directed at the President and the people who will risk anything to protect them. Compare this to the current culture where the people who would apply the same fervour would be considered absolute wingnuts. The white men in these movies, the ones who we call the Bad Guys, are more reflective of current American presidential culture. I don't know about you, but I find this rather chilling.

Friday, May 17, 2019

[Updated] (almost) ALL Superhero Films... Ranked

With the release of Avengers: Endgame, we're really at a crossroads in terms of superhero films.  I can see the masses (read: non-nerds) feeling somewhat satiated with superheroes for the time being, and that there will be a marked decrease in box office revenue for superhero films from this moment forward, leading to a mass cancellation of superhero projects (and there's a lot of them upcoming), and a new (or resurgent) genre taking its place as box office king (if I had to guess I'd say it looks like musical biographies are the next big thing).

Which is not to say superhero films are going away any time soon, but I think there will be a real cooling period over the next few years.  Marvel Studios is still going to make a whole bunch of money, Warner Brothers DC properties are going to be the usual see-saw of good/great/awful, and all the others are going to be mostly a blip on the radar.  The next wave of nostalgia is going to cater to the millennials (we're already seeing it with Detective Pikachu and Sonic the Hedgehog movies coming out) and what they grew up with.  Like superhero movies it's going to take a long while for video game films to really earn some respect, but it will happen.

Anyway, I'm tackling a ranking of all superhero films that have hit the theatres since 1978 when Superman came out.  There were superhero films prior to that but mostly serials, which I have only a passing experience with.  Superhero movies didn't really become a thing until Superman showed that it could be a thing, and even then, it wasn't really until Batman in 1989 that it kind of exploded. (I will however add the Adam West starring Batman movie in for fun.)

So, yeah, it's not a complete list, and it's going to be North American centric...I can't tackle all the Asian Action, Bollywood, or Lucha movies, not to mention the plentiful international knock offs.  I'm also going to limit it to movies that had a theatrical release, no direct-to-video (as DC alone has been cranking out a few of those each year for 20 years now) or TV movies.  Some films may be questionably "superhero" but if they're even vaguely superhero I'm listing them.
For the record I'm using this as a loose guide:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_American_superhero_films

Now this isn't a "what's the best movie", this is very personal and subjective, and you're welcome to disagree.  I just thought it would be a fun exercise to kill a few hours instead of doing all the other shit I have to do.

My methodology is simple.  I asked myself these questions:
1) do I like this movie?
2) do I like this more than the film before or after it on the list?
3) would I like to watch this movie again?
4) do I think this this movie is a good movie?
5) do I think this movie is important or significant in any way?
There's no real weighting to any of these questions, but the answers will adjust how the films appear on my list. Like I know Superman is important, and I think it's made well for its time, but I don't really want to watch it again (but I probably will at some point), and I don't really like it all that much.  It will rank in the top half for sure but likely lower middle of that top half.  We'll see.


At the end will be a list of omissions, for films I haven't seen, or don't have enough memory or impression of to really rank.

Also I've never really considered Lone Ranger or Zorro to be superheroes, but since The Rocketeer, The Phantom and The Shadow both came out at the height of Batmania, I have always considered them superhero films.  As such I should consider Lone Ranger, Zorro, Tarzan movies and Dick Tracy (however I haven't actually seen any Zorro or Lone Ranger movies so they'll go in Omissions).  No films about Greek or Roman gods have been included.  Modern mythologies only (*wink*).  The Mask, The Crow, Tank Girl and even Blade (among others) aren't necessarily "superheroes" to me either, yet, the comic book influence is there so they're on the list. Robocop is an action movie, so it's off the list, otherwise, I mean, really, Die Hard, Indiana Jones, the Fast & Furious, John Wick, the Matrix, Kingsmen, Men In Black and other series could also have a legitimate claim to being on this list but I have to draw the line somewhere.

Here we go...

127. Steel (1997) - The character was drawn to look kind of like Shaquille O'Neill in the comics, and fancasting put him squarely in the role, but actually casting him in a no-budget movie was not a great idea...this was peak 90's producer incompetence

126. The Meteor Man (1993) - Robert Townsend took a big swing and missed just as big. This seemed like a movie trying to cash in on "the superhero craze" rather than Townsend being a fan of the genre and it showed.  It just felt cheap and small.

125. Batman and Robin (1997) - I felt uncomfortably queasy the whole time, what a gaudy nightmare of a film.  A real Superman IV of the 90's.

124. Judge Dredd (1995) - I don't have any real connection to the character, so it fares only marginally better than Batman and Robin as a result.  This is an exceptionally poor adaptation of the character, made all the worse by everyone involved in the production.

123. Blankman (1994) - I wanted this to be something great, a superhero comedy was something we could have used.  I don't really remember what it was, but I did not like it and I did not find it funny.  I seem to recall it being quite offensive in 1994, I can't imagine how bad it is today. But I may be wrong, maybe there's some shred of Damon Wayans' comedic aptitude in there somewhere.  I dread the idea of revisiting it.

122. Spider-Man 3 (2007) - one of the worst cinema-going experiences I ever had.  Everyone's masks keep flipping on and off, nobody's heart seems into it. It's just a sad, ugly, frustrating, disappointing mess.

121. X-Men: The Last Stand (2006) - Brett Ratner came in and ruined two great stories from the comics in one fell swoop.  Everything about this one goes wrong... except casting Ellen Page as Kitty Pryde, but even still, moof.  Borderline unwatchable.

120. Fantastic Four (2015) - something bad happened here. The idea of turning the Fantastic Four into a body horror/suspense/mystery wasn't necessarily a bad idea (nor, really, a good one), but the studio got cold feet and then didn't know what to do with what they had, so they cut it like this and pooped it out into the world and hit us in the face with it.  Thanks.

119. Teenaged Mutant Ninja Turtles III: Turtles In Time (1993) - this felt like a desperation move as a last-ditch cash-in move on the waning Turtles fad, a real "we spent all this money on these animatronic costumes, we're not going to waste it but we're also not going to invest anything further".  Dire.

118. Tarzan and the Lost City (1998) - when they tried to make Casper Van Dien a big action star...this is the almost the sunken bottom of 90's hero movies. Just so inept.

117. Superman IV: The Quest for Peace (1987) - Even at 11 years old I could tell from commercials this wasn't going to be good.  It wasn't.

116. Superman III (1983) - Even at 7 years old I knew this movie was bullshit.  It's not a Superman movie but a Richard Pryor movie with Superman in it.  And it's not even a good Richard Pryor movie.

115. Elektra (2005) - The maligned Daredevil begat an even more maligned spin-off.  This one's a hot mess that doesn't know what it wants to be, what it's trying to say, or what it's trying to do.

114. Blade: Trinity (2004) - the film's original idea was that the vampires had won and taken over the Earth. Instead we get an unconvincing Dracula as a big bad, and everyone either playing bored or playing safe.  I cringe whenever I see David Goyer's name attached to anything as director.

113. The Phantom (1996) - when they tried to make Billy Zane a big action star.  Some old studio execs really wanted to see their childhood pulp heroes on the screen in the 90's but they didn't really care to sink any money into it.  Commodity filmmaking.

112. The Crow: City Of Angels (1996) - Everything that was special about the Crow was retread here through the pastiche of a cheap French music video. Everyone seems to be asleep except Iggy Pop, who is off in his own little world.

111. X-Men Origins: Wolverine (2009) - The opening montage of Wolverine's history is top notch, and it goes steeply downhill from there, quickly becoming a meandering, expository mess.

110. Spawn (1997) - a better movie than many others above it on this list, but has not aged well at all. It's special effects are so gaudily 1997 that suspension of disbelief is not an option.

109. Kick-Ass (2010) - better than the source material, but that's not saying much. An aggressively unappealing movie that thinks itself much more clever than it is.

108. Green Lantern (2011) - Made in the wake of Marvel's successes, DC/WB tried to stuff too much into it, which only exacerbated the rest of its many problems. It's borderline unwatchable, yet I still wish there was a sequel (Mark Strong's Sinestro was poised to be a great cinematic villain).

107. Justice League (2017) - what a fucking travesty. Just a 100% mess through-and-through.  No real highlights, plenty of low-points.  Even the unbearable hubris of a full Snyder cut would be preferable to whatever mediocre bullshit this is.

106. X-Men: Apocalypse (2016) - third movies in a trilogy tend to be a weak spot and this one is so weak.  Just an impregnable story with a third act full of swirly bullshit meaning nothing.  This was a ton of money spent on something that felt so lazy.

105. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: Secret of the Ooze (1991) - it's hard to convey how big a drop in quality this second out is compared to the first.  New Line cranked it out pretty quickly sensing that the Turtles fad might not last much longer (not realizing that if they just put out good movies it wouldn't disappear so fast).  Plus Ninja Rap.

104. The Shadow (1994) - I didn't get it.  Why for a film called The Shadow is everything so brightly lit, and looks gauzy like a soap opera?  And so melodramatic like a soap opera? 

103. Batman Forever (1995) - I remember not hating this when it came out...but I hated every casting decision in this film, and I can't bring myself to ever watch it again.

102. Barb Wire (1996) - it's Casablanca in a post-apocalyptic wasteland circa 1997. It's not great, but it's a few steps above the titty movie you were expecting from something starring Pamela Anderson.

101. Orgazmo (1997) - the South Park  guys make a comedy about a superhero porno. The jokes are obvious for the most part.  I'm sure I'd rather just watch an actual superhero porno.

100.  Supergirl (1984) - I know it's not very good, but I'll watch this a more than I'll watch half of the films higher than it on the list.

99. Batman (1966) - if you didn't like the campyness of Adam West's Batman, this is interminable.  If you did like it, this still isn't that great a version of that.


98. The Lego Batman Movie (2017) - ostensibly a better film than half of the ones higher on the list, but I found it genuinely unfunny.  I loved The Lego Movie and this felt like a direct-to-video knockoff of that.

97. Ghost Rider (2007) - Stephen Norrington had a big hit with Blade, a marginal hit with Daredevil, so he took another stab at the Marvel roster with Ghost Rider.  It's got Nic Cage in the titular role and that's pretty much all you need to know.  It's 2 hours with Nic Cage with his head on fire riding a motorcycle. Are you into it?

96. The Green Hornet (2011) - a 60's throwback, set as a surprisingly straight-faced reinvention starring Seth Rogen directed by Michel Gondry.  This should have been something special, not so eminently forgettable.

95. John Carter (2012) - another pulp hero story that just doesn't gel with modern day. It's been cribbed too much by better movies that it feels like a rip-off of itself.  I want it to be so much better than it is.

94. The Punisher (2004) - Thomas Jane was a good choice for Frank Castle, he got the character.  However, John Travolta as the bad guy was a terrible choice and basically ruined any chance the film had of being decent.  Plus, it tried to play too safe with the story and there's nothing safe about the Punisher.

93. Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance (2011) - somehow the Neveldine-Taylor combo with Nic Cage made a movie that was not nearly as dumb as it could have been, but it's still plenty dumb.

92. Darkman (1990) - a dozen years before Sam Raimi would get his hands on Spider-Man, he decided to create his own superhero, who was more pulp hero like The ShadowLiam Neeson, Frances McDormand, score by Danny Elfman.  It was okay at the time, remains okay now.

91. Masters of the Universe (1987) - So much is wrong with this movie's adaptation of the He-Man and the Masters of the Universe mythology that it stings my 11-year-old heart real, real bad.  Yet, I can watch this any time its on cable and almost enjoy it for what it is.

90. Daredevil (2004) - oh the lamentable, emo Daredevil.  I had no affection for the character, so I could sit back and enjoy this one multiple times over.  It lays on the mythology so thick in its short run time, too thick in fact, it get so weighed down. I've become a real Daredevil fan in recent years so there's real reluctance to go back to this one.

89. The Amazing Spider-Man (2012) - there's some winning elements to this, but boy does it feel like a dull, overworked retread.

88. The Legend of Tarzan (2016) - for a character that struggles with colonialism embedded in its DNA this film handles it rather well, and is fairly entertaining.  If I cared more about Tarzan it would be quite higher on the list.  I don't, so it's below Swamp Thing.

87. Fantastic Four (2005) - There are worse movies than Tim Story's light touch attempt at the Fantastic Four.  Two of the titular four are cast very well, the other two are wildly miscast.  The neutering of Doctor Doom is its greatest failure though.

86. Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer (2007) - Building up from a flawed foundation, the second FF movie didn't really have a chance.  It worked hard to raise the stakes and elevate itself, but without a template to show it how to go big with a superhero movie, it tried to keep its big Galactus story small and Galactus is as big as it gets...so...fail.  Surfer looked legit tho.

85. Superman Returns (2006) - I actually preferred this rehash of the Donner/Reeves Superman to the actual Donner/Reeves Superman, even if all I really want out of this is Superman punching stuff and I never get it...but now the tandem of Spacey + Singer casts a real pall over the whole thing.

84. The Mask (1994) - it's a lightweight comedy taken from a comic with a really dark comedy bent.  It's watchable but feels every bit as neutered as it is.

83. The Amazing Spider-Man 2 (2014) - there's a reason this falls just behind Dawn of Justice, both movies got lost in trying to build new universes rather than just telling their stories.  There's an some enjoyable moments here, but moof, did they ever fuck up the world building.  Forgettably ambitious.

82. Venom (2018) - tonally it's trying to be a comedy, but it doesn't really lean hard enough into it.  The action is tepid and the CGI symbiotes are direly ugly.  Yet it somehow winds up being fairly watchable.  It would be hard to have Tom Hardy, Michelle Williams and Riz Ahmed make something unwatchable.

81. Batman V Superman: Dawn of Justice (2016) - oh man, do I hate this movie.  It gets so much wrong about every character Snyder adapts to the screen. And two films into his run you kill Superman? Fuuuuck you, you dumb shit.  And yet, there's something oddly captivating about it, like watching a train wreck in slow motion.  I hate it, yet, I guarantee I'll watch it agian.

80. Hellboy II: The Golden Army (2008) - needed to be more about Hellboy and the BPRD characters and less about fucking elves or whatever. This seemed more like a Del Toro story than a Hellboy one.

79. Superman II (1981) - the first superhero movie to have a superhero fight other superheroes.  It was so freakin' awesome at the time.  Now it's slow, goofy, and the behind-the-scenes drama really spilled out on screen. It's the Justice League of its day.

78. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2014) - what a misstep the design of these Turtles was.  Besides the questionable hulking size and tribal wardrobe riffs, it's actually a pretty crackin' fun action movie.  Not very memorable, but a lot better than expected.

77. Suicide Squad (2017) - a masterclass in how not to edit a film.  Somewhere out there is a good cut of this movie without the on-the-nose soundtrack.  That said, it gets a pass thanks to its blatant homage to Escape from New York

76. The Wolverine (2013) - It's fine but falls apart in the third act.  I didn't really have much interest in this story.

75. The Incredible Hulk (2008) - there's two thirds of a pretty good movie here, but the third act is cheap and ugly...and somehow they did not improve upon the CGI Hulk from five years earlier.

74. Captain Underpants: The First Epic Movie (2017) - if there's a middle of the road on this list, this is it.  It's a perfectly serviceable movie adapting one of Dav Pilkey's many beloved creations to screen, complete with a few visual twists, but it's generally for kids and doesn't give too much concern to the adults.

73. Swamp Thing (1981) - Wes Craven, a master of 80's horror, made a decent, if underwhelming, gothic horror film out of the character.  Added points for an awesome suit and more added points for Adrienne Barbeau.

72. Big Hero 6 (2014) - there's a really kind heart beating within this film, but it's take on superheroes is kind of lacking.  Though a Marvel property, it ostracizes itself from not only any variation of the Marvel Universe, but also our own universe with its surreal SanFransokyo setting.

71. Chronicle (2012) - before he fucked up Fantastic Four and was fired from a Boba Fett standalone film, Josh Trank created a found-footage superhero film that is actual quite engrossing. It doesn't hurt that Michael B. Jordan's a big part of it either.

70. Super (2010) - James Gunn's very uncomfortable dark comedy about a traumatized Rainn Wilson who becomes a street vigilante, and his obsessive/aggressive sidekick played by Ellen Page.  What it lacks in flashy production values it makes up for with tight scripting and committed performances.  It's what Kick-Ass wishes it was.

69. The Crow (1994) - like Burton's Batman, this has not dated well at all.  I loved it dearly as a teen though. To modern eyes it looks cheap and the soundtrack is kind of cringe-worthy grunge-industrial which just screams 1990's.


 68. Superman (1978) - Important in its time, but veeeeeery dated. Truth is, I never liked it that much.  Christopher Reeves and most of the cast are great but the movie is pretty stupid. "Can you read my mind..."

 67. Flash Gordon (1980) - it's not a really great movie, but it's got a distinctive visual pop, and a Queen soundtrack.  It looks retro, cheap and yet expensive all at once.  In the wake of Star Wars, it should have been much bigger and more visually savvy, but it's kind of charming the way it is.

66. Megamind (2010) - what if the villain won? What if Lex Luthor beat Superman?  What then?  This film has a lot of fun with the concept and more than a few surprises.  Great voice acting from Will Ferrell, Brad Pitt, Tina Fey and others, but the animation is FUUUUUGLY.

65. Constantine (2004) - this is very little like the character should be, and yet, it's not that bad a movie on its own terms, even all Keanu-fied. 

64. The Specials (2000) - years before he became a powerhouse writer-director with Guardians of the Galaxy, James Gunn wrote The Specials, a genuinely enjoyable low-budget superhero comedy with an enjoyably game, talented cast.

63. X2: X-Men United (2003) - people hold this up as the best of the X-Men movies but I was never sold.  We lose so much of the character and team building of the first one to focus heavily on Wolverine who had broken out so big.  It's fine but I don't enjoy it.

62. Punisher: War Zone (2008) - a bone-crushing, blood-spurting, face-cracking good time full of pretty much non-stop soft-R brutality. I'm not a big Punisher fan, but this one nails the absurdity of the character.

61. Deadpool (2016) - Highly entertaining but also thoroughly exhausting.  Well made on a contained budget, full of surprises and big belly laughs (a few shocks too). 

60. Sky High (2005) - a superhero high school comedy.  This would play out much differently today, but it's legit funny and has a tremendous cast.

59. Tank Girl (1995) - I loved this movie. It's twisted, and weird, and goofy, and audacious and corny and should have been much bigger than it was and be much more appreciated than it is. Its soundtrack was the beating heart of 1995 for me (and hasn't aged as poorly as The Crow)

58. Hancock (2008) - it was many, many years later when I finally watched this film.  Some of the effects didn't hold up, but overall I thought it was pretty great.  People have problems with the third act, but it kind of worked for me.

57.  TMNT (2007) - like, the third or fourth round of Ninja Turtles revitalization.  They tried something new, and it's pretty good (good voice cast, good animation, decent story), but it didn't quite work, so they just tried again another day. 

56. Blade (1998) - not really a superhero movie, more horror/action, but this one really showed how to adapt a z-tier character to the big screen.

55. Blade II (2002) - Guillemo Del Toro brings his very specific touch to the Blade series, crafting a really horrific vampire evolution as adversary as well as placing Blade as sort of the straight man to a cadre of eccentric supporting characters.  The final conflict is a rough mash of CGI stunt fighting, and there's a few notes of ridiculousness, but also some stunning visuals that elevate it.

54. Deadpool 2 (2018) - A bigger budget means bigger gags and bigger shocks, surprises and thrills, but the mile-a-minute pacing is still utterly exhausting.  This has real heart though, and Zazie Beetz as Domino, so, yeah.
 
53. Mystery Men (1999) -  I was a big fan of the Flaming Carrot Comics which birthed these characters, and was quite disappointed with the film upon first viewing.  But over the years it's endeared itself to me, and I still quote it regularly ("I think you better put some pants back on if you're going to continue fighting crime today")

52. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Out of the Shadows (2016) - some slight correction to the design of the Turtles from the preceding movie wasn't enough.  The damage was done.  But they go for it here, full Kraang and everything. Bebop. Rocksteady.  Not the perfect execution of this story, but far more faithful than I think anyone could ever have dreamed.  I'm not even a big Turtles fan and I found it very exciting what they did and got away with.

51. Batman (1989) - Burton's Batman holds a very special place in my heart.  I saw it so many times I can quote it while watching it.  But as much as all the iconography screams "Batman" it doesn't really feel like Batman anymore.  It feels like a Tim Burton movie pretending to be a Batman movie.

50. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1990) - I didn't watch this until maybe two years ago and was absolutely astounded by how solid it was.  It feels stylistically right in line with Burton's Batman and Beatty's Dick Tracy but it feels so authentic to itself and holds up far better than both.

49. Teen Titans Go To The Movies (2018) - I find the Teen Titans Go cartoon to be abrasive, and yet this was very entertaining with some real loving deep-cuts into the DC Universe (a whole subplot about the Challengers of the Unknown!).  It's got all the surreal humour The Lego Batman Movie wishes it had.  I'll probably revisit films lower on the list more often, but this one really surprised me (even if I fell asleep in the theatre while watching it).

48. Watchmen (2009) - Snyder almost ruined DC films forever, and yet, I quite like his objectiveless adaptation of the Watchmen.  He loses 90% of the deconstructionism and allegory from the comics in the translation, but it serves like a visual Cliff Notes...and what visuals.

47. Push (2009) - I'll go to bat for Push.  I get suckered into its densely constructed, well-defined world of powered abilities and government conspiracies every time.  It's one of those worlds I want to spend more time in.

46. Spider-Man (2002) - take any scene out of context and this movie looks really bad, but sit through from start to finish and it's still quite a rousing picture.

45. Spider-Man 2 (2004) - An improvement on its predecessor, Raimi and the actors all feel very comfortable with what they're doing. Could be ranked higher if I cared about Spider-Man more.

44. Thor (2011) - It's the folkloric hero-romantic comedy nobody asked for but we got anyway.  Plus pints for Chris Hemsworth's abs, minus points for his dyed eyebrows and beard.

43. Iron Man 2 (2010) - It's messy, doing too much, but still charming with some very crafty sequences.

42. Man of Steel (2013) - this is a terrible, terrible Superman movie, because Snyder just doesn't understand the character, and yet it's quite engaging on its own merits.  I get angry about the malformed view of Superman but I like the Krypton stuff quite a bit.

41. Hulk (2003) - Ang Lee knew what he wanted to do, and he did it.  He put the comic page on screen, making panels and being all weird and arty.  I dug it, still dig it.  It's not everyone's cup of tea, and CGI Hulk is a now a weird rubber blob, but I'm still in for it.

40. Iron Man 3 (2013) - Shane Black makes a Shane Black movie starring Iron Man. I like it less when thinking about it in hindsight, but always really enjoy it in the moment.

39.  Thor: The Dark World (2013) - I always liked this one.  Now that Endgame has made it more relevant perhaps it will get a little more respect in the MCU roster.

38. Spider-Man: Far From Home (2019) - Practically ignoring the emotional side effects of Endgame it's MCU's "European Vacation".  The two post-credits sequences kind of outshine an otherwise enjoyable adventure.

37. Ant-Man and the Wasp (2018) - It's great to see Evangeline Lily take up a superhero role, it really suits her. I just wish the stakes in this were higher.

36.  Doctor Strange (2016) - basically rehashes the plot of Iron Man but has a better supporting cast and a much more satistfying third act, plus visual delights sparkle throughout.

35. Batman Returns (1992) - this is truly the world of Batman through the Tim Burton lens, where the director gets to just go for it.  Michelle Pfeiffer, Danny Devito and Christopher Walken all killing it. Plus, Christmas.

34. The Powerpuff Girls Movie (2002) - bright, cheerful, and brief, what's not to love.  I actually saw this in the theatre, by myself, in my mid-20s.

33.  Aquaman (2018) - this is not really that great a movie, but at the same time it is utterly fantastic.  There's no way this should work, but it does, and it does so with charm and glee.

32. The Dark Knight Rises (2012) - as far as Batman stories go, this one is kind of bullshit, and yet Christopher Nolan knows how to make an exciting goddamn picture.  It's very watchable.

31. Unbreakable (2000) - it has its flaws, but still remarkably compelling viewing.  Peak Shyamalan (it really was all downhill from here).

30. X-Men: First Class (2011) - if you're going to do a soft reboot of the series, there are worse ways than this.  The 60's period setting leading into the Cuban Missle Crisis added a definite x-factor to the proceedings. I wish Matthew Vaughan had stuck with X-Men rather than focusing on Mark Millar properties.

29. Dredd (2012) - a sci-fi/comic-book rip on The Raid, where Judge Dredd is locked into a single tower in a Mega City and he needs to fight his way up to the big bad.  Simple premise, expertly executed.  Frickin' awesome.  Wish it did better for a big-budget sequel.

28. Hellboy (2004) - If only the studio didn't demand the pointless human character as guide to this world, this would be the perfect Hellboy movie, but even still it stands pretty tall in my books.

27. Iron Man (2008) - I don't like Iron Man more that some of the films lower on the list but I bumped it up a few notches because of its importance in launching the MCU.

26. Batman Begins (2005) - it's a little dry, and there's not enough Batman, but it's tremendously well made as Nolan is wont to do.

25. Avengers: Age of Ultron (2015) - some character missteps and studio demands interrupt the flow of film, but overall a nice bit of comic booking on the big screen. Love James Spader's Ultron.

24. Captain Marvel (2019) - it took two viewings, but I'm sold.  Smart, fun and meaningful and the young girls love it, as they should.  This is a movie explicitly for them (but not to the exclusion of everyone else).

23. Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 (2017) - a lot happens in this one, almost too much, but most of it is really really good.  Love these characters and this view of the galaxy.

22. The Rocketeer (1991) - the coattails of Burton's Batman were getting pretty frayed by the time this one hit, and it was never going to be the blockbuster the studio hoped for. Yet, of every film from around that time, this is the one that gets better with age.

21. Logan (2017) - I'll put it to you straight, I don't care about Wolverine.  But this one makes a good case for caring about him.  Love the future setting and the very personal journey it takes. A quality film with the exception of yet another superhero movie where the big showdown is a character facing his opposite. We should be past that in 2017 (see Captain Marvel for a wonderful subversion of that).

20. Captain America: The First Avenger (2011) - This movie keeps growing on me with every viewing.  

19. Batman: Mask of the Phantasm (1993) - sure, it may not have been the big box office score like live action Batman, but nevertheless it's one of the best Batman movies ever.  The animation looks slow to modern eyes but it has style and charm to spare.

18.  X-Men (2000) - There's a simplicity to the first X-Men movie which keeps it near the top of the mutant heap for me.  It's lower budget means it's more character and relationship focused, something that the seems to lose with each step away from this foundation.

17. X-Men: Days of Future Past (2014) - while not quite as EPIC as I had hoped it would be, bridging two different timelines of X-Men worked out far better than it had any right to.  I love the 70's setting and this has the best-in-show set pieces for the franchise.

16. Shazam! (2019) - It may be the newness talking but I had a great time with this film.  Its luster may dull upon rewatching but I definitely want that rewatch.DC's Ant-Man?

15. Captain America: Winter Soldier (2014) -  This is such a fantastic movie, the intrigue, the action, the personal stake, the camaraderie...but man do I hate the big final set piece.  Just loathe it so much. 

14. The Incredibles 2 (2018) - 15 years later and Brad Bird didn't miss a step.  It's so close to being an improvement on the original, and yet it's lack of superspy angle is what keeps it from surpassing it.

13. Wonder Woman (2017) - It's not a better film than some of those below it but it cruises high on the list thanks to the charms of Gal Gadot and Chris Pine.  Starpower counts for a lot.

12. The Avengers (2012) - dreams can come true. This one is just dynamite entertainment, start to finish.

11. Ant-Man (2014) - while the dream of a Edgar Wright version will only ever be that, what we did get is pretty gleefully entertaining.

10. Avengers: Endgame (2019) - I cried about 30 seconds into the opening scene and a bunch more times after that.  Terrible as a stand-alone film, but beautiful as a summation to 10-years of universe building. It really hits hard some comic book tropes that maybe aren't my favourite tropes, but the Russo Bros. and co definitely make it work.

9. Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017) - for a guy who says he doesn't like Spider-Man all that much, he's ranking pretty high on this list.  But they really do him justice here, they really sell me on a likeable teenager who has a real heroes heart.  And Michael Keaton makes the Vulture one of cinema's great villains, real menacing but likeably so.

8. Thor: Ragnarok (2017) - If you were to tell me Taika Waititi was going to make a Thor movie, I would expect something exactly like this, except that I could never have expected this.  What brilliant fun.

7. Black Panther (2018) - seeing Wakanda is like seeing another planet where everything is so much better than it is here...and that's the point.  Some want to keep it sheltered and some want to open it up to the world (to spread its benevolence but face corruption itself).  Michael B. Jordan's Killmonger is an absolute classic screen villain (and Andy Serkis' Klaue is a tremendous secondary villain)

6. Guardians of the Galaxy (2014) - This would come in third or fourth in a list of best space-faring movies right behind a few Star Wars films. It's really, really, really entertaining.

5. Spider-Man: Into the Spiderverse (2018) - frenetic, eye-popping, genre-blending animation is just the start in a film that embraces all the weirdness of comics, tossing out multidimentional theory without a care.  Lord and Miller's stamp is all over this, in it's humour and defiance of convention.  One of the genre's best offerings (and I don't even really like Spider-Man, if you hadn't heard).

4. The Incredibles (2004) - a smash up of 60's super-spies and Marvel superheroes, dosed with nostalgia but creating something indelibly modern. An absolute classic with a crackin' musical score.  The CGI animation has gotten rough around the edges in spots, but it's easily forgiven. I doubt there will ever be a Fantastic Four movie better than this.

3. The Dark Knight (2008) - it legitimately does not get much better than this.  There are small gripes to be had, but the bigger picture is so gloriously BIG.  This was the herald of what superhero movies could be.

2. Captain America: Civil War (2016) - The big showdown happens at the end of the second act and it pits half the Avengers against the other half.  Holy forking shirtballs! I never thought I'd see something like this in my life.  And that third act, the stakes being so personal make it so much bigger and better.

1. Avengers: Infinity War (2018) - My god, it's full of stars.  This is the crossover epic I never imagined would happen.  I love this film like I love Star Wars (which is a tremendous amount).  The balancing act the script and directors manage to maintain is beyond incredible, it's unreal and wows me every time.



Omissions (32 - as of May 3rd 2019):
 Hero At Large (1980), The Legend of the Lone Ranger (1981), Condorman (1981), Zorro: The Gay Blade (1981),  Greystoke: The Legend of Tarzan (1984), The Toxic Avenger (1984), Howard The Duck (1986), Dick Tracy (1990), Turbo: A Power Rangers Movie (1997), Tarzan (1999), Catwoman (2004), Son of the Mask (2005), The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl in 3-D (2005), The Legend of Zorro (2005), My Super Ex-Girlfriend (2006), Zoom (2006), Underdog (2007), Jumper (2008), Superhero Movie (2008), The Spirit (2008), Astro-boy (2009), Defendor (2009), Jonah Hex (2010), Kick Ass 2 (2013), The Lone Ranger (2013), Max Steel (2016), Split (2017), Power Rangers (2017), Glass (2019), Hellboy (2019), Fast Color (2019)


CODA:
I can already hear people complain about how low on the list Deadpool, Superman and Batman are, or complaints about Raimi's Spider-Man or the Iron Man films being low.  This all comes to personal preference.  There's no need to be offended.  If you don't like my list, you can spend the four or five hours to make your own.  I've done the heavy lifting in identifying the films and justifying their qualifications.

I also noticed that the spot between 72 and 73 is sort of the exact turning point where the "good" get separated from the "bad" in my mind.

Other interesting things... my MCU movie ranking is not the same as how things appeared in this list. I did some fudging around in this list when it comes to some placements...like Iron Man got a pretty big bump compared to where it sits on my MCU ranking. 
Thing is when judging the MCU movies against the rest, their quality really sticks out.  They take up 10 of the top 15 slots and the only film of the 23 MCU entries not in the top 50 is The Incredible Hulk.

I plan to watch some (probably not all) of the Omissions at some point, and of course there's no slow down in superhero projects coming out, and I may just rewatch more than a few films within the list which will all likely result in some ranking shifting, so stay tuned for updates.