3 Short Paragraphs (Or Not): Aquaman and the Lost Kingdom

2023, James Wan (M3GAN) -- download

My viewing of this movie sort of mirrors my write-up of the first movie, in that I was compelled to rewatch Aquaman to remind myself of the story, but I didn't. Maybe I should have, for at least, according to the writeup, I was somewhat entertained by the first. I am not even sure I was entertained by this one. I just didn't like very much of it, and to entirely contradict my opinion during the first, I did not like (at all) how Jason-Momoa everything was here. Maybe I am getting deeper into my Cranky Old Man phase of life, but fuck, he was annoying.

As for needing to rewatch, that's alright cuz they do a decent recap at the beginning of this movie. For people like me, I gather, who only saw it once and don't recall a fucking thing. I don't remember the movie being about Orm at all. I swore it was all Black Manta (Yahya Abdul-Mateen II, The Matrix Resurrections). I thought this movie was going to be about Orm (Patrick Wilson, Hard Candy; is he intentionally supposed to look like original blonde DC Aquaman?) and was very confused about the recap including his capture -- shouldn't that bit be a proper movie, and not just a preamble? (dude, really?) Anywayz, doltish memory aside, I was glad for the recap.

Which is then followed by a non-recap catch-up of what's been going on SINCE the last movie. Essentially National Lampoon Atlantean Royalty. Aquaman (Jason Momoa, See) got married, had a son whom he is raising on the surface with his father the lighthouse keeper (Temuera Morrison, The Book of Boba Fett). Mamma Mera (Amber Heard, Drive Angry) doesn't seem to ever make an appearance as, rather than killing off the character, they retain her role but diminish it so much, its a disservice to us the viewers as well as the cast. Anywayz, Aquaman hates being king but loves being daddy and loooooves that his son can talk to fish sea creatures the same way he does. He also gets peed on. We are supposed to laugh. I am not a daddy, so maybe I don't get the funny?

Meanwhile Black Manta and his Awkward Scientist (Randall Park, Fresh Off the Boat) are trying to recover from BM getting his ass kicked in the last movie. That recovery ends up entwined with said Lost Kingdom when BM finds the (proper) trident of Underwater Sauron (Pilou Asbæk, Ghost in the Shell). BM ends up gathering up the remaining glowing green cannisters of a planet-killing toxic power source to do Bond-ian Villain things with. And that heats up the planet, and that causes havoc in Atlantis, and they want to blame The Surface World, and... well, Crabby King AM has to break out his brother to convince him to help find BM and save both worlds.

At this point, having recently rewatched Wakanda Forever I am once again merging the two movies in my head. Oh yeah, here they DO call themselves Atlanteans, and while they DO hate the Surface World, its more BM wishing to destroy.... both? But the Atlanteans do see The Surface World as the cause of all woes, so yeah, they want to destroy Wakanda, I mean The Surface World.

The movie is, once again, very very pretty. The colours, especially in my 4K pirate copy are soooo pretty and bright and stunning. The action is rote, and I did not find it very inspiring, but for the bit in the desert. AM's wahh-hoo's were driving me bonkers. His college-bro antics did as well. In the end, Underwater Sauron doesn't really play much of a role, definitely not enough for his realm to get into the title, but whatever, its a plot point so we can get zombies and monster-fish and whatnot.

To repeat, I did not like this movie very much, but as we well know, that won't stop me from rewatching it some time down the road. I might even end up doing a single post of the last 6 months of rewatches, a couple of lines each? My dislike of a movie often tempers with age, but only if inspired to watch it again. And I have never been inspired to rewatch the first Aquaman so that must say... something?

Kent's post. I guess we agree, but he does have more fish-skin in the game.