I Saw This!! Post-Deletion Phase

I Saw This (double exclamation point) is our feature wherein Graig or David attempt to write about a bunch of stuff they watched some time ago and meant to write about but just never got around to doing so. And despite hiatuses, where some movies might just get washed away in the apathy, it still makes us feel crotchety to NOT write something them.

Venom, 2018, Ruben Fleischer (Zombieland) -- download/Crave

This was one of the pair of movies that were meant to resurrect previous renditions of popular characters/franchises, taking them in new directions. Oh, they did that, but in the most boring and divisive directions.

I originally saw both of the movies soon after they hit the *cough* digital downloads sites. But I didn't write. But due to finally seeing the evolution of our Internet-based, cable-cut movie & TV watching era come to a stage where it makes sense to actually PAY for them, I did. Ala carte offerings, served through the Internet, and viewed on your favourite devices (smart TV, game system, Android box, etc.) are the new (current new?) cable TV or satellite service. I said that I would start paying for services again when they better served me -- someone who didn't want a boatload of channels I didn't care for. Things are still fleshing out, for example the Crave app sucks terribly and Amazon Prime Video (in Canada) cannot get its shit together (only their own shows are worth the dollar, and fewer still are actually in the claimed 4K), but at least it's there.

So, when I was stuck in a hotel, in a city that shut down at 6pm, where I could only drink so many craft beers (yes, I know, me! Faith & Begorra!) I plugged an HDMI cable from my laptop to the hotel TV (which had terrrrrible cable reception BTW), joined the free WiFi (better speed than I expected) and began "channel surfing". Most nights I was tired from long work-trip days, so ReWatches were in order.

The thing is, I couldn't actually finish the Venom rewatch. The first time round, the movie just .... bored me. The second time round, the movie just ... OK, what the fuck? How can Tom Hardy in a comic book movie bore me? Even at his most mundane, I enjoy Hardy, but for some reason I just could not get interested in what Hardy was doing with his asshole v-blogger being depicted as a legit journalist. But OK, I can live with that, what about Venom, the alien symbiote that started his "creation" as a Spider-Man suit? While not a fan of the anti-"hero" villain monster that people seem to love, I can at least understand the appeal. But instead of a nasty, juicy creature of the dark, I get a petulant teenager alien thing that ... oh, whatever. The whole movie just annoyed me.

I know this is one of those times when you talk to your coworker who just doesn't know how to watch movies with more than a passing glance, where they just don't seem to have a formed opinion as to why "dat movie just sucked dude". That guy is me right now, as I think it dumbed out any properly built opinion I had. I just could not warm to this movie, even in a hotel forced second viewing.

Kent has pretty much the same opinion, but a much better formed one...

Meanwhile...

The Predator, 2018, Shane Black (Iron Man 3) -- download/Crave

Why do I have such a fond opinion of Shane Black? Sure Kiss Kiss Bang Bang and The Nice Guys are brilliant and fun movies, but that's .... about it ? I subsequently love Iron Man 3 but that is probably all based around the kid in the small town aspects, as the rest is just lifted from Iron Man comics of one degree or another. So, again, why do I love Shane Black so much?

Just cuz. Cuz true Good Stuff comes along rarely while OK Stuff is everywhere and Utter Crap is mostly avoided, but still surrounds us. Kiss Kiss Bang Bang is just incredibly, astoundingly Good Stuff, that I want his subsequent things to be as well done and as enjoyable. Alas, often the Good Directors get assigned to things just because. And that is not a good reason.

In pitch, this is a good re-launch of the franchise. Introduce the Predator creature to Americans long past the last Earth-bound story from 90s tale, and bring back the hunter-predator aliens for a current story. Add in some post-war vets, traumatized and damaged from what America has done to them and give them a reason to be Good Soldiers again. Alas, we get stuck with All Snark and Little Else. Its like a Writing Room just got printed on paper, to become a proper script, without any editing.

Sure there are good lines, and good performances and an interesting idea. But jeebus, it just never lifts off  the ground. I cannot say if it was Producer Meddling or the shadow of that horrendous scandal where a seemingly oblivious Black allowed a real-life human predator into his crew, but this movie just could not come together. It just could not captivate, nor hold together anything that was Shane Black. But I can say, at least, that it was a decent rewatch as a Hotel Movie.

I won't even bother attending to the plot.

Aquaman, 2018, James Wan (Saw) -- download

OK, despite the desires stated for the previous two movies, wherein I feel compelled to rewatch a movie in order to state intelligently about it, but this one? Nope. Why? I dunno, because I remember enjoying it. But like much of the DC Universe, once is enough. Well, if the DC Universe movies are terrible, I am at least compelled to watch again to see if I gave it a fair chance. What's up with that brain?

First up, I found Jason Momoa annoying as Aquaman in the Justice League movie. Let me rephrase that; I liked Jason Momoa, I can never NOT like him, but fuck what is with the WHA-HOO yelling? I guess they wanted a more irreverent, less grim character than the comic book renditions. If anything, give us more of the small fishing village fuck-superheroes version, but no we get X-Games Aquaman.

But damn, this movie is just pretty. Its just so colourful and brightly lit, I could not help but enjoy. But beyond that, I was not enthralled by this Avengers-Lite version of a superhero movie. The plot was a weak aspect of a Marvel style rebel-against-kingliness Thor but, well, better done. And I kept on expecting his mother to be Michelle Pfeiffer, mixing it up with the Antman reveal. Still, beyond Looking Good and Charismatic Momoa, I didn't see any reason to label it anything other than a Good On First Run movie.

P.S. What a terrible poster.

The Lego Movie 2: The Second Part, 2019, Mike Mitchell (Sky High) -- download

I never said a thing about The Lego Movie, during another rendition of I Saw This!! other than I couldn't stay awake. That's a terrible thing happening to me these days, as I turn into My Dad who always fell asleep watching TV post-supper. But some dramatic structures just don't hold me, including Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse which I, at first thought, it was just me, but a Crave-bound rewatch (today!!) confirmed, the third act puts me to sleep. I wish I could tell you what it was, but.... well, I had just briefly closed my eyes and then Miles was fighting the King Pin. Wait wait wait, THIS is a post about The Lego Movie 2: The Second Part not Spider-Verse, which deserves its own non-sleepy post, because everything I was awake for IS FUCKING BRILLIANT.

Anywayz, I did not enjoy the first movie all that much, as the rewatch referenced above, which generated the tangent, proved. And despite a lack of sleep, the second one didn't do all that much for me either. Oh, I was head over heels for their post-apocalyptic nod at the beginning, but to be all honest, it just lost me after that. The whole Duplo invasion is cute, but... what as the plot about again? The parallels between the Real World and the Lego World are cute, but... I dunno, have I lost my whimsy? Is that it? Am I no longer able to be charmed by play? This bears further therapy investigating.