3 Short Paragraphs (Or Not): Shazam! Fury of the Gods

2023, David F Sandberg (Lights Out) -- download

Zachary Levi freaking out (OK, really just more protesting vehemently; no need to click-bait myself) on the internet over lack of theatre sales, and pretty much begging people to go see it, did not save this movie from quickly being relegated to Online (is Online now the bottom shelf of the video store?).  I am not quite sure that is the punishment some see it as, but more a calculation based on the downward decline of sales in cinema against an already predetermined date. BUT in this instance, it felt like a desperate attempt to stave off.

But, despite his fervour, its just not a very good movie. I haven't done my "old man state" in quite a while, and fell asleep at two distinct points in the movie, if but for only a few seconds. And we kept on wondering who the audience was for the movie. It felt like it was meant for 12 year old's, but the movie itself is about said kids aging out of that awkward stage into young adulthood.  Sure, some of us hang onto that immaturity (until well into 50s?) and need something to urge us into the next phase, but that still leads us wondering who this incredibly immature movie was meant for.

When We Last Left Our Intrepid Adventurers, Billy Batson (Asher Angel, a bunch of his own music videos; he seems to be having his own Billy Batson coming into age journey) had shared his magic with his foster family; well, the siblings, with his parents quite in the dark regarding them constantly disappearing. The new Shazam Family (apparently, Shazamily; really?!!) is only somewhat taking to their new superhero roles, often causing more collateral damage than Saving The Day. And the daily news outlets never stops reminding them. 

They have also awoken some... Greek Gods? Even Hand Waving away the race thing, the Daughters of Atlas (deposed titan, not god) don't even bear any costuming even closely connected to the Greek God mythos and are just magical Super Villains bent on getting back the powers/magic given to the Shazam Family (nope, not gonna use it) for their own. There are fights, TONS of collateral damage (like, Man of Steel level) and a dragon made of wood. There are quips and betrayals and meet-cutes, deaths and resurrections, and a few cameos by SnyderVerse characters which connects it to... just what now?

So yeah, I fell asleep for a few seconds, here and there, during the dragon battle so it did not stay with me. Little of the movie did, and I think that had nothing to do with an Old Man Falling Sleep and maaaaa-ybe Levi should have looked at that?