3 Short Paragraphs (Or Not): Weird: The Al Yankovic Story

2022, Eric Appel (Brooklyn Nine-Nine) - download

I am rather surprised I watched this. I was never a big fan of Weird Al or his "music". I am also rather surprised I wasn't aware of the gimmick of this movie, in that its as much a satire of the recent spate of bio-pics of famous musicians, as Weird Al's music was a satire of the original songs he "covered". I still only mildly enjoyed it, which didn't surprise me.

Al (Daniel Radcliffe, The Lost City) grows up in an unhappy home where his dad doesn't approve of the devil music the kids are listening to (polka) and won't let him follow his dream -- playing the accordion and writing new comical lyrics to other people's songs.

In college, Al cannot join any bands because he is an accordion player (I guess polka is no longer in vogue) but in a fit of inspiration, he spontaneously sings "My Bologna" to the music of "My Sharona" and all his college friends think is brilliant, enough to send it into the local radio station AND try to get a record deal from Evil Recording Execs. Eventually he does become famous, rich and begins dating Madonna (Evan Rachel Wood, Westworld), also letting all his fame go to his head. Of course, that is when things go very wrong. Wrong, as in she is kidnapped by Pablo Escobar (Arturo Castro, Narcos) and Al has to go all Rambo on his ass. He has to break up with Madonna because she wants Al to help her take over Pablo's drug empire, so he returns to reconcile with his family.

Honestly, the best thing about the movie, but for snippets of brilliance here and there, was the party Al attends which has just about everyone (!!!) attending: Pee-Wee Herman (Jorma Taccone, MacGruber), Tiny Tim (Demetri Martin, Contagion), Gallagher (Paul F Tompkins, Rutherford Falls), Alice Cooper (Akiva Schafer, Popstar: Never Stop Never Stopping), Andy Warhol (Conan O'Brien), Salvador Dali (Emo Phillips, The Weird Al Show), Divine (Nina West, Loafy), Wolfman Jack (Jack Black, Jumanjii), and John Deacon (David Dastmalchian, The Suicide Squad). OK, when I say "everyone" I just mean a wide swath of pop culture that somehow seems entirely appropriate in a Weird Al movie.

So This is Christmas Leftovers: Your Christmas or Mine?

2022, Jim O'Hanlon (100 Streets) -- Amazon

Despite Last Christmas being set in Britain, it wasn't a "British movie" and considering our Love, Actually is our go-to movie every Xmas (but for some reason, I wasn't feeling it much this year...) I always like to look for a British Xmas romcom. This definitely fit the bill.

James (Asa Butterfield, Ender's Game) and Hayley (Cora Kirk, The Devil's Light) are newly in love and heading off to their families for Xmas. James would love her to come along but understands how important it is for her to be with her family. As they each board their trains they are struck by a moment of spontaneity and jump to the other's train. At the same time. Not seeing the other do it. And so, Hayley ends up in the countryside and James in the small town of Macclesfield. Of note, as a non-Brit the town appeared to be more a deeply urban suburb of London, but that was because it was shot there, instead of the northwest town, near Manchester. It might be just evoking working class small towns. And while James ends up in a distinctly (lower?) middle-class rowhouses neighbourhood, Hayley has to find her way to.... a countryside estate. She did NOT know that James was "posh", and is in fact, royal. He is the son of the Earl of Gloucester.

Fishes out of water. Hayley left her phone on the train, and James instantly realizes they don't know about him (i.e. never told her family she has a BF) so by the time they contact each other, things are already strained, with a heavy dose of miscommunication. And then a snowstorm rolls in, cancelling all trains. Each is left to deal with what each family considers Xmas, and how each family handles guests. Hayley has to deal with an antiseptic, stodgy, uptight father and housemaid, the house showing no signs of Xmas anywhere, and there is sooooo much proper behaviour expected of Hayley. I never understand that standard of comedy, in that not-posh people cannot read the room, and know when to just be quiet and polite, but I guess that is supposed to reflect her upbringing, in that she just blathers on and on and on. And gets drunk and pokes her nose where she shouldn't. Meanwhile James gets stuck with bratty little brothers, a handsy aunt, lots of alcohol and a chaotic buzz of soooo much to do before Xmas day!

Of course, things always get worse before they get better but eventually the movie brings us all back together for Xmas day. And I mean everyone. Despite everyone taking trains from A to B, it seems no problem for Hayley's dad to hop in his ice cream truck and drive to James's estate. So, the two places must be only a few hours from each other? England's sense of distance is weird. Anywayz, they end up choosing Hayley's cramped little row house for the big Xmas gathering, which makes no sense but... whatever.

This is not Richard Curtis level of heart-warming comedy, but it is definitely a good romp. An all grown up Asa Butterfield is entirely believable as a posh lad, and Cora Kirk is fun. And I guess I don't have much else to say.

So This is Christmas Leftovers: Last Christmas

2021, Paul Feig (Ghostbusters) -- Amazon

I went into this one cold, having forgotten any plot or spoilers, or whether I did actually know anything about the movie other than Emilia Clarke (Solo) plays a Kate, an elf. TBH, I think I started wondering whether she might be a real elf, but thankfully NO, she's just a flustered young lady working at an Xmas store, run by a woman she calls Santa (Michelle Yeoh, Everything Everywhere All at Once) who bumps into handsome devil Tom (Henry Golding, The Gentlemen) outside the store, as he Looks Up. People don't look up enough in London, he claims; there is so much to see!

Kate is a wreck. She starts the movie booted from her latest flat, dragging around her luggage, trying to find another sofa to surf on. She knows she's a wreck but lets it keep on happening, isolating friends and family. We don't know why, but we get hints that she recently recovered from an illness. Tom also seems rather drawn to her, despite her initial lack of interest in him; we get the idea he is just too perfect & put together for her.

As Xmas progresses Kate... well, wrecks even more, while also getting wrapped up in Tom's idyllic viewpoint on the world. And yet, there is something weird going on, in that he randomly appears at odd times of the night, only to dash off unexpectedly, usually leaving Kate exposed to something she wouldn't normally be, like the homeless shelter he claims to work at, which she ends up organizing a talent show for. The expected montage scene of the homeless folks showing their "talents" is hilarious. But the late act disaster, where she leaves Santa's shop's door open so she can rush off to an ill advised audition, eventually leads to her, and the movie's realization.

SPOILER !

Kate's illness was that she had a damaged heart, and eventually it gave out. But on that night, a heart donor had a bicycle accident and she was given his strong, and one might say caring, heart. Yes, it was Tom's. She's been wandering around London's east end looking up at decorative signs, having genuine heart to hearts with a ghost. All he wants is her to not abuse and waste his heart.

Clarke and Golding are just too fucking charming. I didn't think he could pull off the quirky nice guy common to these British romcoms, as he is just such a well put together gentleman, but he does. And he balances so well against her perky, giggly, NOT manic pixie aspects. But really, what wins in this movie is Yeoh as Santa, the ever patient, caring and grumpy owner of the shop whom Kate assists in finding her own love. I love how Yeoh's recent smaller roles, and bigger ones, have so often not been typical her, as in not always the martial-arts wielding, intimidating matron. And yet, with each, she carries such weight. 

So This is Christmas Leftovers: Spirited

2022, Sean Anders (Hot Tub Time Machine) -- Download

What did we watch this one on again? I know its an Apple+ production but it FEELS like something Netflix or Disney would have done.

Anywayz, full disclosure, I have not seen Elf nor do I have any desire to see it. It is an untamed Will Ferrell comedy that just does not appeal to me. I guess untamed Will Ferrell in general, is not something I find funny. Nor untamed Ryan Reynolds either, for that matter. I like them when they are toned down, controlled by the director or writer or... well, not being themselves?

Kent also begins his post with something similar, but more precisely stated, as he is a fan of comedy, like I am a fan of horror. But then he continued, and professed to like the movie much more than I did. I can say I honestly did not like it. Oh sure, it had some scenes and elements that I enjoyed, as it is a Ryan Reynolds vehicle so I know it has a certain charm, but... in general, no thankyou.

So, this is basically a Scroogey along the exact same lines as the Hallmarkie, Ghosts of Christmas Always, which we both watched, in that there is a mystical organization behind the whole A Christmas Carol conceit, full of researchers and ghosts who work to haunt people into being better people. OK, in this one, there is only one team of ghosts, instead of a vast array, but there do seem to be a lot of support staff & researchers. And since there is only one team of Scroogers, there is only one client per year.

Ferrell is Present, at the top of his game, a Ghost who should have retired but keeps on pushing forward, one more year, one more year. The subject of their Scrooge-ing this year is Clint Briggs (Ryan Reynolds, Dead Pool), not the traditional grumpy dislikeable Scrooge, but more so such an abject self-serving asshole that he does great mundane evil through all his actions. If there was a single mind behind all the trollish Tweets and Reddit posts that enrage people to the point of sharing it with all their friends, then its Clint. The prime example of his malice is that he is engaged to help his niece in her class president campaign, and wins it for her by finding an bad taste video from her opponent's past. They're adolescents so they are expected to do something shameful and, well their past is not that long ago. Anywayz, that he "cancels" a kid shows exactly who he is. And the Scrooge-ing org considers his unredeemable.

This movie is also a musical. And despite not being a guys who dislikes musicals for just being musicals, this one mostly flops for me. The songs barely ever hit, and the transitions are so often jarring. Neither of them are more than decent singers, or dancers. None of it, except the "Good Afternoon!" song, did it for me. And that kind of soured most of the rest of the movie for me.

So This is Christmas Leftovers: Violent Night

After the indulgence and insanity that is T&K's Advent Calendar, where I pretty much watched nothing but Hallmarkies, I decided to leave the non-Hallmarkies to a small handful of posts, post Advent Calendar. They are all Xmas related.

2022, Tommy Wirkola (Dead Snow) -- download

I suppose I shouldn't have been surprised at the level of violence in this movie, considering the premise -- in that Santa Claus gets caught up in a home invasion -- but what I wasn't expecting was an entirely distasteful Santa Claus. Sure, we end up rooting for him, but... ewww Santa, ewww.

We begin in a bar in ... Scotland? Not sure, but American accented Santa (David Harbour, Hellboy)  sits at the bar with another Claus in the background, the later assuming the former is just another disgruntled mall Santa fed up with the commercialism & greedy kids he encounters every year. But no, we know he is The Real Santa (TM) and as Xmas Spirit wanes each and every year (even though we have been pointing out that it's since the 60s) Santa loses more and more heart. The drunken lout then climbs into his sleigh, pukes up his indulgence and heads out to finish the night off.

Meanwhile we have our leading family, the ultra-wealthy Lightstones, are collecting on their grand estate in the countryside surrounded by fences and armed guards. The matron Gertrude (Beverly D'Angelo, National Lampoon's Vacation) is holding her family party catered by about a thousand staff, but only for her two children, their spouses and their each single grandchild. I think the movie starts with some other guests but by the time the havoc begins, it is just the family. Or the other guests die; I don't remember.

Yeah, havoc. Quite expectedly, the catering staff is mostly Bad Guys led by Scrooge (John Leguizamo, John Wick) who gleefully slaughter each and every staff member including the security and household staff. All that is left are Gertrude and family. Son Jason (Alex Hassell, Cowboy Bebop) and his estranged wife Linda (Alexis Louder, Copshop) are trying to put on a brave face for their daughter Trudy (Leah Brady, The Umbrella Academy), while daughter Alva (Edie Patterson, The Righteous Gemstones) and her new BF (Cam Gigandet, Twilight), and streamer kid Bertrude (Alexander Elliot, Locke & Key) are just there to suckup to gramma. The Bad Guys are there for the millions in a basement vault, millions that were supposed to be used as bribery, on behalf of the US Govt, by Gertrude's company and overseas contacts. She stole it. They want it.

Santa tries to hide it out, his nose-finger trick with chimneys not working due to his lack of of Xmas Spirit, but almost immediately he gets discovered by one of the Bad Guys. They let an automatic weapon loose, which scares off the reindeer, before Santa slays the BG by knocking him out the window onto a large spikey Xmas decoration. Soon after, the gig is up and the Bad Guys are hunting down Santa. Meawhile, Trudy has escaped, discovers The Real Santa and becomes his Home Alone collaborator in fending off the Bad Guys.

This movie was ... mostly fun? It is so very very by the books on how these comedy-murder-fests are supposed to go, but thankfully Harbour, despite being a rather icky Claus, really leans into the role as the Viking Who Somehow Became Santa. That it rips-off / draws-upon Home Alone is rather intentional but in an over the top, toss someone into a snow blower way, which must have killed it with the alt-film horror movie crowd who just lap this sort of stuff up. To be honest, I prefer my gore-fest, schlock movies less sincere and more tongue in cheek. This one almost wants to be taken sincerely. Almost.

So This Is Christmas Leftovers: Kent Edition

In prior years, when we'd do the XMas Advent Calendar, I would go a little overboard in preparing.  I would sit down sometime in late-October or early-November and scroll through all the upcoming Hallmark, Lifetime and other channel Hallmarkies looking for the intriguing or different ones based off the cast list and one short paragraph descriptions.  It wound up being a lot.  I would start watching Hallmarkies in November and keep watching them, certainly seeing more than the allotted 12 I'd need for the Advent Calendar.  I overdid it last year, and it was like gorging on something to the point of barfing, I became a little averse to them this year.  I made a plan for the Advent Calendar, a list of 12 movies or specials with a couple alternates.  I mostly adhered to it, but a couple of things I watched didn't pan out as something worth writing about.  Like the "Christmas At Sandringham" special on CBC Gem, which I was going to do as my follow-up to A Royal Corgi Christmas.  For some reason, in my head, I thought this was going to be the actual Queen (RIP) taking the viewer through a tour of her Christmas house at Sandringham.  I don't know why I would think such a thing. This was a talking heads "tour" of Christmas with the house of Windsor family of Royals (by the tenor of such things this was made just before Harry and Meghan flipped the family the bird and fucked off to California) led by former caterers and employees, Royal watchers and comedians.  Having recently blitzed the latest season of the Crown, it did put a few things into context, but it also reaffirmed the excesses of the Royal family (a staff of 200 required to put on a Christmas dinner for one family of 25 people? Fuck off).

Netflix's Murderville returns with the special Who Killed Santa: A Murderville Murder Mystery was a more drawn-out episode of the series, with not just one celebrity "rookie detective" accompanying Will Arnett's bumbling senior detective Terry Seattle, but two, in the form of Jason Bateman, and Maya Rudolph.  Rudolph joins part way through the affair, which seems unfair, given that part of the point is the celebrity is supposed to figure out who the murderer is based on the clues presented to them.  Bringing out a third, surprise celebrity rookie detective late in the third act just before it's time to pick which of the suspects is the murderer makes for some pretty funny twists, but it also like the Murderville team saying they're already kind of bored with the premise they've established for the show.  That there's no honest guess that Rudolph or celeb #3 could make means their selections are, yes, rediculous but as valid as the chance they've been given.  Sean Hayes, Kurt Braunholer, and Eliza Coupe also guest star as suspects and murder victims.  It has some exceptionally funny moments, and, frankly I think this episode might be funnier than any of the previous, but I wonder if the formula has already run out of gas.

Speaking of Will Arnett, a 3-part Lego Masters holiday special was a bit of a bust.  Four returning competitors from the past 3 seasons of Lego Masters are paired up with four small-c celebrities (certainly not of the Jason Bateman/Maya Rudolph caliber) with little Lego-building experience to compete in three builds for a charity win. It really highlights how the competition/elimination format of Lego Masters is a necessary part of the show's appeal.  I just wasn't into this, fast forwarding to the judging of the builds.  Perhaps the Lego Builders were teaching the celebrities some tips and tricks about Lego building but I couldn't be bothered to find out.

The podcast How Did This Get Made did an episode on Mar Vista's The 12 Pups of Christmas (2019, d. Michael Feifer - CBC Gem), an off-brand Hallmarkie that is, in the parlance of HDTGM, bonkers.  It starts with Erin, a New York pet therapist (the third pet therapist I've seen in a Hallmarkie this season, and the second from a Mar Vista picture) learning, on her wedding day the day after Thanksgiving, that her fiancee has been sleeping with her best friend, then leaving to her new job in San Francisco which she had already accepted before the wedding fell apart.  The company is a "tech startup" working in designing tracking collars, but they've been at it for a year and the thing is still a brick. She meets the boss, who's a bit prickly, and he charges her with helping find homes for the 12 puppies who were left behind after a photo shoot. Erin is settled into her new, fully furnished apartment, which is in a house where, like, half the company lives. They insist they're like a family, and it feels cult-ish, but Erin is into it.  Her and the boss start spending time together giving away puppies, and Erin (a pet-therapist, remember) revolutionizes the company with her various ideas. Things get intriguing when Erin's former best friend turns up on her doorstep begging forgiveness, and the worm turns even more when boss-man insists Erin go with him to present to the primary investor...in New York, where they fall in love (or, rather, he falls in love and she seems to go along with it) and then her ex turns up in the hotel lobby and he and the boss man get into a fist fight (yes, actual violence in a Hallmarkie).  And that's just a minuscule offering of the absurdities this film has to offer.  Lead actor Charlotte Sullivan is the lynchpin of this film's appeal.  At first her sleepy-eyed, monotonal performance seems way too subdued to draw us into caring about Erin's journey much at all (she seems so disaffected by everything) but at a certain point it becomes readily apparent that there's a sublimely savvy comedic performance, dryer-than-dry, happening here, and unfortunately nobody else is working on her same level. The rest of the cast are operating on the level of a genuine Hallmarkie, whereas Sullivan is basically subverting the whole production, with Erin being a satire of the conventional Hallmarkie lead.  Don't get me wrong, this is not a good movie, but it's ridiculously entertaining.  Honestly, I'd probably watch it again.

And finally, there's Adult Swim Yule Log (2022, d. Casper Kelly - Cartoon Network), which begins like your stereotypical fireplace image of burning wood, crackling away, with an instrumental recording of "Good King Wenceslas" playing over top.  But, are those the sounds of a car driving up in the background? Car doors slamming shut? The sounds of the cabin door opening, the music turns off, legs and bags and a vacuum cleaner step into frame and then out again.  The vacuum cleaner becomes the soundtrack over the crackling fire.  A phone call.  A knock at the door.  Hillbillies.  Murder.  Cleanup...and then, time to go, as more people arrive.  A couple, one who adjusts the camera's lens to a wider shot of the room, as they talk, and he sets up a proposal, while, in the foreground the Hillbilly murder is seen peeking out from behind a door reflected in the distorted shape of a metal vase.  A knock at the door.  The sheriff's department. They're warning of murderer on the loose, and then extinguish the fire warning that the log on the fire came from a cursed tree, once used for lynching. After they leave, the couple argue, anxieties risen.  Weird glimpses into other times pass across the screen.  But they're once again interrupted by a knock at the door.  A quartet of stoners arrive.  The place has been double booked.  Ooops.  They're true-crime podcasters, there to explore the many murders, curses, hauntings, and alien abductions that have happened in the area. Awkward chitter chatter but an agreement is made for the night, rooms assigned, and everyone splits up.  One goes off to shower, and we're left with static shot of the room and the unlit fire....which reignites itself, and the flame shoots out of the hearth towards the camera.  Raimi cam starts trailing throughout the (very, very nice) cabin, up the stairs, into the bathroom, through the shower curtain, and bashes in the head of the stoner showering.  And that's the first 20-ish minutes of the 91-minute horror movie from Adult Swim regular Casper Kelly (Too Many Cooks).  It's an exceptionally bizarre film that refuses to play by the rules, introducing no less than five different threats to the cottagers, taking time-traveling diversions into the fireplace, and just going way overboard in sometimes gross, sometimes scary, sometimes delightful, sometimes puzzling ways.  As a whole it's not boring, but I also don't know if it's an entirely successful production.  Given the static shot of the opening 20 minutes, the fake-out fireplace channel set-up, and the Hillbilly murderers, and then the layers upon layers of exposition and peculiarities introduced and generational traumas invoked, it's really hard to invest in the couple that are, ostensibly, the leads of the film (Andrea Liang and Justin Miles are both very likeable performers, however).  I had only heard a one line synopsis for this, a fireplace channel that becomes a horror movie, but for the first half I kept thinking that this would possibly have been better as a conceptually artistic horror movie (basically a radio play) where the lens never leaves the fireplace and we just hear everything that happens.  Of course Kelly's ambitions were much larger, and the second half of the film is a very weird smorgasbord that just keeps piling on top of itself in an admirable tour de force of craziness, absurdity and horror.  Best approached as a viewing exercise rather than as straight cinematic entertainment.  Mike Geier, aka Puddles Pity Party, sings the wonderfully operatic theme song that closes the film.

T&K's XMas (2022) Advent Calendar Day 24 - A Christmas to Savour

I screwed up my timing and counting and thought the last one was my last one but it turns out, if I had noticed I was evens and not odds, i would have caught on that Xmas Eve was mine. So, here we are with one more, watched on the morning of Xmas Eve as Winter Proper TM blows around outside.

Ed. Note: I got distracted by Xmas proper, and posted this late.

2021, Jessica Harmon (Fixing Up Christmas) -- download

How many of these movies are directed by women? I need to go back through the years to do a proper count, just from the ones we have watched, but I suspect the answer is "not many". And hey, look it's Dale Bossio from iZombie and ... fuuuuck... she has directed a LOT of Hallmarkies, and .... SNORT... just in the last few years. Goes to show how quickly even the OffBranders can pump these out!

This first one comes from Reel One, which I gather is one of the production companies feeding Lifetime? That said, its very apparent from the initial scenes that they put a bit more sugar & spice into their productions, with the sets and lines just a wee bit more.... movie like? 

Note: "Savour" with British/Canadian spelling just wouldn't cut in the American Hallmark-et, so it gets renamed???

The Draw: Cooking, Its about a chef, and food based, no matter how loose, can draw me in.

HERstory: The Big City. I am pretty sure its New Yorky, but they never say. Being one of those off-brand ones, I guess they needed to stay agnostic as to location, depending on whether they sold to only the Canadian market, or to the US ? Dunno, seems weird to not say it. Anywayz, Scarlett () is a chef in her own resto that she runs with her best friend Claire (). And despite some early acclaim and success, they have become stale, forcing their "angel investor" to reconsider his support. Claire blurts out that Scarlett is working on a new "holiday menu" and he is enthused. So, to become reacquainted with homey style cooking and Xmas Spirit, Claire sends Scarlett on a cooking class (???) in a PST in the mountains, that .... she has to take a flight to (???). Any cooking class in such a setting must be for the richy rich. And yeah, the fly over shots of the PST are more high end ski resort village than actual small town.

The class, in a chalet or Inn that seems to have no other guests other than those taking the cooking class, and happens to be run by her old culinary school rival James (). The guests are a mix of older couples, a newly engaged couple, and an empty nester mom. Not sure how he makes any money off doing this for less than a dozen people, unless they are shelling out the big bucks. Anywayz, James is amused she is there, but also eager to involve her in his passion project. 

James kicks things off by taking his students to the quaint little Xmas Market, where they are introduced to all the fun, Xmas-y items. And the next day, they are right into knife skills, where Scarlett contradicts James as to the best method, reminding him why they were rivals. And then they do meringue snowmen; TERRIBLE snowmen that should have been piped into nice balls, instead of spoon splatted blobs of white. 

But he keeps on interrupting his actual cooking lessons with visits outside with Scarlett, showing her maple syrup cooled on snow, taking her actually tobogganing (like, on a real snow covered hill!) and hot cocoa from one of the stands in that cute little market. 

Finally they get to making something, and this time it was supposed to be traditional gingerbread cookies, and she decides to do a ship in a bottle, which annoys James with its complexity. But she never actually DOES it, but instead (ed note: she tosses flour, sugar and eggs into a bowl -- that IS NOT HOW YOU BAKE SCARLETT) she makes a rather fetching looking Gingerbread Tiramisu. I want that; now please? But that was not the lesson, Scarlett and you are yet again pissing off James.

During one of the "getting to know each other better for no real reason", she confesses the reasons he has so much trouble conceiving a traditional Xmas menu is that she never had a traditional Xmas dinner. Her family has been running restos all her life, and while she grew up in a kitchen, it was never a familiar family dinner. Meanwhile James had a brief resto experience which ended badly so he opted for teaching, where the gratitude of his students always outweighed the stress and anxiety of the high end kitchen 

When Scarlett is not jaunting around with James, or annoying him in the kitchen, she is on the phone. A lot. I guess this replaces the scenes in most Hallmarkies where the Female Lead walks around with a friend or Mom talking the girl talk. At least she talks by holding the phone to her ear, instead of holding it out in front of her face like Claire does. I hate people doing that.

Eventually, she tries to do a Grand Gesture and invites a food critic whom is trying to get her to leave her own resto, for his, to come to the unnamed PST to meet with James. James gets rather pissed about it, because he told her that he was glad he was out of the biz. but here she is trying to get him back into it. After the row, we see her in her car. Like, one tiff and she is gone? And I mean, real gone. The next scene she is back in The Big City at her resto.

But despite there not being any real COOKING scenes in the cooking class, she has come back to TBC with inspiration and a new menu. Traditionally in these movies, we are expecting her to realize she was happier in the PST with her new beau and willing to give up on her dreams for a new guy. I am glad that is not how this goes, as just after her new holiday menu is a BIG success and the angel investor is overjoyed, James shows up with his own confession. While he hated she pushed it upon her, he realized that it was maybe the kind of pressure he needed and is grateful. And he wants to show how much he appreciates it.

A year later the resto is once again still popular, and James has a cookbook out showing that he was able to work outside his comfort zone and she did NOT give up on her dreams.

I just wished they had done some cooking in the movie.

The Formulae: The departure from TBG to the PST is rather artificial, but its there. The Xmas Market is quaint and tiny but looks rather real, and decked out in the arts & crafts from local artisans. The cookie baking is part of the plot. And there is cocoa from a stand in a cup held by two hands.

Unformulae: Its pretty much by the numbers, but I do like the break from norm in that James follows her to TBC and she doesn't give up on her dream resto.

True Calling? No, in fact not at all. The movies is supposed to be about a multiple course savoury meal and a few desserts, but all we really see is baking.

The Rewind: Yep, she did just toss the eggs in after the flour and sugar. Also, her knife skills are ATTROCIOUS.

The Regulars: Neither of the leads are regular fare, but Eric Gustafsson who played one of the "newly engaged" couple has been in tons, more likely as Leading Man.  Bethany Brown, who played the BFF Claire has also been in tons, more likely as a BFF. BJ Harrisson, who played one of the "couple that has been together forever" is also a staple in the Hallmarkie business, even so far as to have made four right after this one. I guess, to be a proper Hallmarkie actor, you have to be a working actor, a stable actor hopping from role to role, always ready to jump onto a new one.

How does it Hallmark? Even not being an OffBrand, its pretty solid in its Hallmarkie aspects. But there are little details that show the difference, more focus on the settings, actual outside shots, etc. That said, the settings were limited, usually being inside the cooking school chalet or Scarlett's restaurant. The "Xmas Market" scenes were obviously backlot, and we never actually go to the PST as I imagine this chalet is on the outskirts?

How does it movie? No, I would not return to this one.

How Does It Snow? Mostly real REAL snow, when it does actually go outside.

T&K's XMas (2022) Advent Calendar - Day 23: Santa's Got Style

2022, d. Amy Force

The Draw: Toasty mentioned Toronto's "Fashion Santa" in his Lights, Camera, Christmas post, which, honestly, might have been the first I'd heard of him (or if I had heard, I had forgotten).  So for today's post, I was planning on maybe finally getting around to watching Little Women as my Advent Calendar entry when I stumbled on Santa's Got Style, which piqued my interest for two reasons: 1) the movie info said Kids In The Hall's Scott Thompson is in it, and 2) Toasty's "Fashion Santa" mention.  

I joined the film about 35 minutes in which is such the old fashioned way of watching Hallmarkies, just stumbling into them a quarter or halfway or 3/4 of the way through and knowing the rhythms of these overly-simplified productions so innately that it doesn't matter at all.

HERstory: Our lead, Madison (Kathryn Davis), is a department store executive at "Chester and Wade" who lands on the idea of having a fashionable Santa for the department store instead of a stereotypical one, but can't find the right guy until her best friend Ethan recommends his cousin, who is a model, who has been living in Europe without a cel phone for years.  

If I'm also inferring, Maddie was in a relationship with a dirtbag for the longest time, while Ethan has been pining for her, and she's finally either broken up with him or she's been dumped, either way Ethan finally sees his opening.

Now, why Ethan decided to pose as his own cousin, Rafe, in a big ol bushy grey beard and a really bad gray wig, I don't know (I could assume that it's because he runs his own talent agency and that he's sort of retired as a model, that maybe it looks bad if he signs himself up for a job...or maybe there was nobody available...I dunno).

When I joined the film, Fashion Santa has just become a big success, and "Rafe" has gotten very flirty with Maddie.  As Ethan tells his mom, it's like he's more confident when he's "Rafe" than as himself, and clearly that's what Maddie is responding to.  But Ethan also worries that Maddie is starting to like Rafe and he's being "friend zoned" again.

Ethan's mom tries to reassure him that the reason she likes Rafe is because he is Rafe, but he's still not able to get past his jealousy of ...himself.  Also she tells him to use his new found success as Stylin' Santa to do more charitable work and raise funds for the needy.

The dual identity romance is a tried and true superhero romance staple, and it's employed just as effectively here, in that it's super cheezy, and really unbelievable... the beard and wig are about as effective as Clark Kent's glasses at disguising him.  Ethan does employ a different voice as Rafe, which makes for some phone call fun (yes, Ethan got Rafe his own cel phone).

One night Ethan is helping Maddie out with some party preparations, and she asks Ethan if he thinks Rafe would come if she invited him.  Ethan is immediately trying to figure out how to get himself or Rafe out of the party, since he can't be two places at once (classic superhero dilemma), and quickly gets all sheepish when trying to tell Maddie his true feelings (super handsome dudes like Franco Lo Presti don't pull off sheepish and awkward very believably), and she tells him how much their friendship means to her. FRIEND ZONE!

At some point (where it fits I don't recall) Maddie is looking up Rafe on the internet and can't find him anywhere.  When she looks him up in association she only finds pictures of Ethan from back in his modeling days (if he were a Judy Bloom book he'd be "Superpudge") and she cocks an eyebrow.

The next day, at a meeting with Maddie, as Rafe, in more confident Santa mode, he tries to reveal himself, but the comic relief security guard (Brian Sills, who I think I've mentioned at least twice already in this year's Advent Calendar) comes rushing in with some urgent news, Ma'am.  "He ma'am-ed me."  He suspects that Rafe is not who he says he is. Oh no.  There really should be no consequences to Ethan being exposed so this is just for goofballs.

At Maddie's Christmas party, things are going fine for Ethan, until he overhears his mom telling people stories about her "nephew" (like, he used to wear a cape and think he was a superhero. Hah!)  Ethan's having a hard enough time keeping up with his own web of lies, thanks Mom!  Then people start asking where Stylin' Santa is, so Ethan ducks out and comes back in perhaps the least stylin' outfit and dances with Maddie, almost getting in there for a kiss, but interrupted by the Secret Santa gift exchange (this is a work party for a supposedly massive department store, but only about a dozen, two dozen max are there).

After the party, Ethan opens his gift from Maddie (passed along by "Rafe") which is some DVD of a "classic" space movie (which isn't maybe not the same league as the super gorgeous piece of hardware Ethan gave her as Secret Santa gift).  Then the texting happens, as Ethan thanks her for the gift, and she says something nice.  Then she texts Rafe asking if he got home OK ("Why didn't she ask me if I got home safely?" he sulks).  Then she asks Rafe out to dinner after the Holidays.  Ethan doesn't respond and instead texts her as Ethan and asks her out, and she doesn't respond.

At the fashion show Ethan is double timing it between a charity shoot in one part of the building and the fashion show in another and having a hard time balancing.  It's common dual-identity hi-jinks.  But his tardiness is getting Maddie anxious, and in the end she has a plan for her, her boss, Ethan and Rafe to come out on stage together (gulp) and down at the charity section, the charity head wants a picture with Ethan and Rafe (double gulp).  Meanwhile the comic relief security guard is keeping tabs on Ethan/Rafe's in's and outs of the bathroom.

On the runway, Rafe and Maddie come out as Mr. and Mrs. Stylin' Santa and they pose and then get close and the audience starts chanting "Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!", you know, as they do at fashion shows. And then comic relief security guard runs out on stage and rips the beard off of Stylin' Santa, exposing him (screaming "VICTORY" holding the beard up in the air).  Maddie is embarassed.  Ethan explains that everything she should feel for Rafe, why can't she feel that for him, but she's so betrayed right now she can't even. 

Fashion designer Paul Grant (Scott Thompson) comes back to the store (why wasn't he there at the show?!?) and tells Maddie that she gets his brand and that her promotion broke the internet, and that he's doubling their investment next year.  She'll probably need a new Santa though.  Her workplace BFF clears up Maddie's confusion for her, with, you know Ethan's point of view of stepping in and helping her out when she needed it.  Maddie's mom tells her that Ethan was actually being his most honest with her, in his lies, he was showing her a side of himself she's just never been able to see.

Maddie thinks on what she's been told (in montage! with sexy XMas R&B music backing it up), and then text's Ethan a deceitful "Paul needs the suit back, tonight, can you bring it over?"  When he arrives, Maddie comes down in a smashing silver dress (and wearing his , and they talk way too much rather than inhale each other's faces, but they do eventually kiss and confess their love for each other.

The Formulae: It's not a Hallmark so they're not leaning heavily into the stereotypical holiday tropes with this one. I mean, it's an atypical Santa, so it's an atypical Hallmarkie.

Unformulae: Big city girl...finds love in the big city!? She has no risk of ever losing her job.  The emotional focus is actually much more on Ethan than on Maddie. Red "wine" rather than hot chocolate.

True Calling? I guess, but it's not really about Santa all that much.

The Rewind: There's one photo that Maddie took with Rafe as posted on the fake social media that is, like, a pic that shouldn't have been posted.  Good gravy.

The Regulars: Kathryn Davis is in no less than 3 Hallmarkies (but not Hallmarks) this year and three more from the past 2 years.  Franco Lo Presti (who I know as Shep from Season 3 of Letterkenny) stars in the thematically titled Well Dressed for Christmas this year and 2018's A Christmas Catch (still on Netflix, but I only could get through about 10 minutes of it last year). Brian Sills was in Reindeer Games Homecoming this year.  

How does it Hallmark? Since it's not a Hallmark it's actually kind of a refreshing watch.  It's an utterly predictable story, but I really enjoyed seeing the stereotypical superhero dual-identity trope applied to a holiday romance (as absurd as it is here).  The production values, for a non-Hallmark, non-Lifetime movie are surprisingly up to par with the more prestige productions of those networks.  The outfits, especially the ones that are supposed to wow, do *kinda* wow a bit.  

How does it movie? It's simple and predictable, but kind of enjoyable. The leads are good looking enough that they don't need to be super duper charming, but they are watchable.  And I might go back and watch the start, just to see Scott Thompson, because in the 70 minutes of this that I did watch, he only turned up for about 90 seconds.

How Does It Snow? No need for snow at all in this one. 

T&K's XMas (2022) Advent Calendar Day 22 - Sister Swap: Christmas in the City

Woo hoo! Another advent calendar almost done (my seond last post). I still have a few Hallmarkies left in my queue, which I will probably watch on Xmas day and post on the Leftovers post, before going on an extended holiday.

2021, Sean McNamara (Sister Swap: A Hometown Holiday) -- download/Hallmark

The Draw: As mentioned prior, Dan Harmon's post, and just the fun of seeing the same story from the other side of the fence.

HERstory: When last we left our sisters, (Classic Aunt) Meg (Ashley Williams, Warehouse 13) had decided to stay in Salt Lake, at her sister's place, a way of decompressing from her grief over Uncle Dave's (Kevin Nealon, SNL; who gets actual flashback scenes in this one, instead of just on a video screen) death. This was the time of year when she & Dave would normally be planning their France trip, and as the dates get closer, the weight lies heavier on her. Not that you can really tell, as Meg is one over-the-fucking-top, annoying level, chipper person. She shows up at her sister's resto, to say hi to people she knows, meets the new General Manager Joe (Keith D Robinson, A Christmas Love Story), who is affronted by her buttinsky attitude. I don't blame him; she's annoying AF and without any real qualifications. In fact, I may have missed (even with two movies worth of details available) what exactly Meg did. Did she just work at her uncle's theatre? Who knows, but whatever it is, she is not qualified to be making decisions for the resto, nor waiting tables, nor commenting on the food. But she does. Constantly. But in the most charming way! (!!)

"It's a joke! I was joking !!"

Now, her sister Jenn did ask her to help with "the Xmas party" which for some reason is part of a competition to ... hold the best party? Yeah, some organization/magazine is comparing resto holiday parties and the bestest of the best will receive a big check they can donate to a charity of their own choice, and be mentioned in some magazine or a website or whatever. The reasons for these "events" are never really clear nor logical, but it gives The Mains something to interrupt their daily routine with, so they can have time to chat and fall in love. And when I say, "interrupt their daily routines" I mean Joe, as Meg really has no life at the moment, but I still think Joe really needs to be MANAGING THE RESTO.

So, back to the dual-movies conceit. The first thing I noticed is that there are going to have to be some shared scenes in both movies, because either Jenn and Meg were in both scenes together or they were talking to each other. What I was not expecting was them to change things up and show the shared-scenes from different angles! How... innovative. No irony in the statement; its a neat idea and they have fun with it. Amusingly, when they cut the split-screen scene, they actually reference a "sister swap". Snort.

Anywayz, Meg and Joe start up on the trope train pretty much right away, heading off to an Xmas Market (<insert note about where this market is shot>) where Meg explains the different between holly and mistletoe, while wearing her best red coat. She is so fucking chipper and I constantly waver between finding her infectious and, as Joe does, really fucking annoying (have I said that yet?). He refers to her as a "town busybody" and she doesn't disagree. She has already taken over the Xmas Party planning (nor sure Jenn explained to Joe why she was there), and has Joe following her around from interstitial scene to interstitial scene, so he drags her along to his passion project -- the local food bank, which will be the resto's recipient of the charity money, should they win. They have an idea, an idea borrowed from the Evergreen movies, where the foodbank will be operated like a market square, with little stores for each item group. I suppose if you are doing multiple movies all for the same production company, you are allowed to lift, steal and borrow ideas beyond the shared multitude of tropes. That said, The Mains vibe between the two is taken kind of slow, rather than the usual "I wuv woo" energy that usually happens instantly in these movies. Neither is looking for someone, with no Dead Spouse energy, and spend most of the time not thinking along those lines. BUT I guess Meg's energy does become infectious when she applies it to the food bank.

So, the big tension act comes when they let the head chef of Jenn's resto quit the week before Xmas. OK, I get being a family like business, and caring for your staff, but her primary driver in quitting is a BETTER JOB. If it was family only, yes, but she's moving on. Keep her ass in the kitchen until you finish the Big Event or Find a New Chef. But nah, she's out so Meg and Joe run around trying to find applicants who are willing/able to quit THEIR gigs the week before Xmas. After a few failures, and a throw-Joe-under-the-bus moment, the movie swings around to one of the B Plots (head waiter is dating a food stand guy) AND brings in the movie cross-over scene where Meg convinces Jenn to hire food stand guy. What I didn't know from the other movie, was that Meg fabricated this whole scene by sending Food Stand Guy an article on Jenn and her resto, allowing him to use flattery as a driver instead of ... well, skill ? No matter, day saved even if they discover a few weeks later that he cannot cut it in the kitchen.

But...

Oh noes, the special resto contest is Snowed Out ! But Meg saves the day, by having all the restos in the contest bring their food to the IG spot in a hotel, and convinces the contest holder to split the money. Considering this was all for charity, she loses major points by not inviting the food insecure to the party, because even if all the restos were within walking distance, their staff might not be. No matter, everyone shows, including all her family despite I don't recall there being a scene in the other movie where everyone (and I mean EVERYONE) drives back to The Big City to attend her IG worthy Xmas Party, where there is no blue dress, no red dress, just a ... burgundy jump suit? How progressive Meg. 

Now with her party a success, a new chef found, Joe having jumped ship to the now further funded Food Bank, and Meg taking his job, they now have time to smooch.

The Formulae: Cookie decorating station ! I actually ordered piping bags because I was inspired by Meg's cute reindeer in an ugly sweater; alas, Amazon lost them. Tree lighting ceremony! Meg makes it back to Hazelwood (technically, the other movie) for theirs. Special Event almost cancelled! Meg saves the day by bringing all the restos, and their food, to the IG worthy spot in Salt Lake City commenting on how small the downtown must be if they can all walk through the snowmageddon to the hotel. Xmas Party! Meg arranges a big party at Jenn's place for all the staff of the resto. Ummm, so she closes Jenn's resto during the holiday season, so EVERYONE can come eat finger food? Hope Jenn OK'd this, but knowing Classic Aunt Meg, not likely. Ice Skating! Joe sucks at ice skating, but there was an awkward almost-kiss scene under mistletoe. Sleigh/Carriage Ride; Joe and Meg waste more time to talk about life goals, relationships and sacrificing Me Time for work. Meg is figuring out "what's next" but I am still not sure "what was before".

Unformulae: Well, this movie's conceit is that the PST girl goes to spend Xmas in The Big City. Said Big City is only an hour away. Also, she is not dumping any career aspirations for Joe, as she seems to do nothing but live off her family. 

True Calling? Yes, quite accurately.

The Rewind: While not for the usual reasons, we actually did pause & rewind so the Peanut Gallery could comment on the types of tubas Meg was playing. Yep, I didn't know there were types of tubas either.

The Regulars: Literally copying & pasting this from the other post. Well, Kimberly Williams-Paisley has only really started doing these movies while her sister Ashley IRL (as well as in the movie) has done... well, fewer than I thought she had. She really got started with the first movie in the Evergreen Cinematic Universe, Christmas in Evergreen, and has been going strong since. Mark Deklin has also done far fewer than I expected. So... all new regulars, I guess?

How does it Hallmark? I enjoyed this side of the dual movies more, but primarily from my love-hate-on for Classic Aunt Meg. Despite the innovation they were seeking for these dual-movies, I think they did a successful stock Hallmarkie.

How does it movie? Almost to the point, I might watch them again. Almost.

How Does It Snow? Other than the scenes shared, most of the snow is pretty standard cotton batting.

T&K's XMas (2022) Advent Calendar - Day 21: Christmas With The Campbells

A Toast to HallmarKent: 

2022, d. Clare Niederpruem - AMC+/rental 

The Draw: Back in September when the wife and I were attending the JFL42 comedy festival, this film was an option for the final night of the fest, an 11-ish screening hosted by Vince Vaughan and Peter Billingsly. I actually thought, give Billingsly's involvement, that this was the A Christmas Story sequel.  I kind of put it out of my mind altogether until it was brought up on a podcast I was listening to this week, where it was quoted as being like a dirty Hallmark movie.  It was my *must watch* movie that night (and I'm three days delayed writing about it due to our friend COVID)

HERstory: Normally I take notes as I watch these films, and the notes become the "Herstory" of the film, but, aforementioned COVID was already I think draining my energy, and so I don't have the beats-by-beats of the movie.  I'll have to use my COVID brain to recall what happened because there's no wikipedia recap and I'm not paying for the film again just to recap it.

Jesse (Brittney Snow, Pitch Perfect) is ...well, I'm not actually sure what Jesse is, but she wants to be a photographer.  She's been dating Shawn Campbell (Alex Moffatt, Saturday Night Live) for about four years.  She's making plans with his mom for their arrival at Christmas, but Shawn has a new job interview at a big firm in New York on Christmas eve and he's not sure he's going to make it for Christmas...oh, and he's dumping Jesse, but, hey, let's keep having sex, ok? (Shawn is very much an extension of Moffatt's sleazy "Guy Who Just Bought A Yacht" character on SNL's Weekend Update)

Jess gets a call from Shawn's mom, Liz (Julia Duffy, Newhart), who invites her to come out for Christmas anyway, which, not having any other options, she does.  It's all a little awkward, particularly when Liz explains to Jess that Shawn's ...hornier proclivities come from her side of the family.  There are a lot of little asides of Liz and Robert (George Wendt, Cheers) talking or about to engage in sex.  I believe at one point Julia Duffy tells George Wendt to take his dick out.  I think the funniest scene, though, is their experimentation with purple drank (which is, apparently, grape juice, cough syrup and hard candy).

Liz leaves a pot of meatball stew (or something) simmering on the stove, and takes off into town.  Jess is startled when she hears a big crash in the kitchen.  Odd noises from the other side of the island, to find a border collie noshing on the meatball stew.  A deep voice appears and Jess is taken aback, to see rugged David (Justin Long, Barbarian) standing there.  He calls the dog off the food, but the dog just don't listen.  He chuckles, then cleans up the mess.  They head into town together to buy new ingredients to recreate the meal, where they run into the judgemental ladies of town and the buxom redhead baker Becky (JoAnna Garcia Swisher) who has never gotten over her childhood crush on David.

Over the next two days David and Jess spend a bunch of time together, including finding the legendary wishing tree and seeing that the dog is as smitten with Jess as David is.  Meanwhile, Becky and her innuendo keep coming for David, who is clearly not interested.

Of course things get more complicated when Shawn turns up, and is clearly confused as to why Jess, the girl he broke up with is there.  Shawn goes to Roberts office and helps him organize and does a little work (Robert had always hoped Shawn would work with him then take over the accounting business, but Shawn always had bigger aspirations).  Over the next 24 hours, Shawn starts to have a change of heart about his entire life path and not only decides to stay in town and take over Robert's business, but also propose to Jess (in pretty much the slimiest wedding proposal I've seen in some time).  Shawn kisses her, in eyeshot of David, who takes it the wrong way and decides to leave. 

But Jess, out snowshoeing in the woods, finds the wishing tree again, just as David's dog makes a run for it towards her and David comes chasing after it.  David and Jess find each other again, they clear up the petty complication and they kiss.  The Campbells all come together, horny Shawn and horny Becky start dating, and they all have a merry Christmas.

The Formulae: I really should have been taking notes.  This seems like such a bog standard Hallmark movie in so many ways.  The ridiculous set-up.  The girl getting dumped before Christmas.  The romantic lead being a rugged outdoorsman.  There's a big Christmas light display that is talked about all throughout the movie.  There's "the complication" of the ex coming back into the picture.  There's some strange local Christmas custom (the wishing tree, see also A Royal Corgi Christmas).  I don't remember if there was hot chocolate, but there must have been.  Oh, and the PST, which I think was just Vancouver.  And a Christmas Dance where people dance to Christmas tunes, which only happens in Hallmarkies.  And casting 80's TV actors as the parents.

Unformulae: I so want to call this "horny Hallmark", but it's not really a horny movie.  Characters in the movie are horny (mainly Liz and Shawn), but it doesn't translate into making the audience horny.  The characters' horniness is used as comedy.  Yet, everything else about the movie, beyond the sex talk and swearing, screams typical Hallmarkie.  It's kind of bizarre as it's not a parody, it just wants to take the formulaicness and inject a little more ribaldry into it.  I also thought it was great that it was Shawn, not Jess, who gives up his climbing-the-ladder career to settle down in the PST.  

This also had a little bit more budget, as the Christmas light show, the Campbells put on is pretty nice, though it doesn't over-reach into ridiculousness. As well, they shot it in winter.  People actually needed to put coats on to go outside and breath was visible.

True Calling? Beyond calling it Christmas with My Ex's Parents, yeah it's fine.  But, now that I think about it, "Christmas with My Ex's Parents" is a pretty good title too.

The Rewind: Not really much making me turn back time on this one. It's not stupidly written or badly directed, or trying to deceive its audience in the same way that Hallmarkies do.  I mean, it's far-fetched in its own way, and rugged Justin Long is a bit of a shock at first, but he pulls it off...mostly.  

The Regulars: No Hallmarkie regulars, but somehow they seem like they could be.

How does it Hallmark? It's really, really weird.  It's familiar but then throws you these bawdy curveballs, which seem out of place, and yet not entirely unwelcome.  This seems like a proof of concept for what could be Hallmarkies that acknowledge that people like to have sex with their romance.  

How does it movie? So it'ls like Vince Vaughan (Made) and Dan Lagana (American Vandal) took a script from long-time Hallmarie screenwriter Barbara Kymlicka (Amazing Winter Romance),  and inserted comedy into it where it doesn't necessarily organically fit.  It makes it stand out though.  Whether that's good or bad, I don't really know.  I kinda liked it, but also kinda didn't.  Fun Fact, director Claire Niederpruem also directed A Royal Corgi Christmas...this one is a lot better than that on every front... especially...

How Does It Snow? SO MUCH ACTUAL SNOW! It's like we get so used to seeing cotton batting or soap-flake snow or digital snowfall that seeing actual real snow in a Hallmarkie-type movie is kind of overwhelming.  Jess and David even go snowshoeing!

T&K's XMas (2022) Advent Calendar Day 20 - Sister Swap: A Hometown Holiday

2021, Sean McNamara (Christmas in Evergreen: Letters to Santa) -- download/Hallmark

The Draw: Entirely because of this.

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Dan Harmon (@danharmon)

HERstory: So, as the IG post above by Dan Harmon suggests, there is no guidance on which one you should watch first. So, we chose the proper PST one, where Sister 1, Jennifer Swift (Kimberly Williams-Paisley, Father of the Bride) decides to come back, from the Big City of Salt Lake City, Utah, to the PST of Hazelwood, just an hour outside the city. Being an hour, this is a situation where people can easily jaunt back and forth between The Big City and the PST. And they do. Anywayz, Sister Jenn decides to spend Xmas in Hazelwood, while Sister 2, Meg (Ashley Williams, Christmas in Evergreen), stays in her place in The Big City.

You see, their Uncle Dave (Kevin Nealon, SNL, in pretty much a less-than-a-cameo role only seen in memories, photos & family videos) passed away in the last year or so, leaving his beloved movie theatre, the Madison, empty. It was one of those hometown cinemas still running on an old film projector, selling popcorn & candy from a concession stand, and a place where everyone in town had their first kiss; and probably a few other firsts not family-friendly at all. The place is now run down, and Mom just wants to sell it off, as the memories inside are just too painful. Uncle Dave, ever the bachelor and childless, seemed to be a rock for the family. Its all been too much for Sister Meg, so Jenn offers to take care of it, so Meg can be alone with her grief, in the city.

The movie does do a brief opening in Salt Lake, to let us get to know the sisters via a couple of family traditions (red hats??)  and a terrible "Meg plays the french horn tuba" toss away scene and then its off to the PST. 

"Classic Aunt Meg!" <insert laugh track>

Mom & Dad run the cornerstone bakery in Hazelwood, but there also seems to be money in this family. Big money. Typical Hallmarkie upper-upper-middle-class money. Eric (Mark Deklin, Christmas in Evergreen: Letters to Santa), the Leading Guy, is a single dad working with the town council to preserve the Madison in its original state, while also monitoring the deal between the local broker and the Big Cinema Chain rep. For a moment there, I thought there might be a Story B between the rep and the broker, but I guess they realized that would be too confusing, considering they are already being rather experimental by having a Story B in another movie entirely. Anywayz, Eric and Jenn are exploring the dilapidated cinema (she's handling the sale, to give her sister and mom a break from the grief it dredges up) when Jenn becomes obsessed with doing a "one more movie night" for the family, which after a brief confused moment, becomes a "one more movie night" for the entire town.

Like most of these movies, the Story A ("one more movie night") provides continuous interruptions that bring the two leads together. Like, at the tree lot, they argue about whether the movie nite should happen, as the ton of renos might jeopardize the sale, which is already in jeopardy as Big Cinema Chain rep guy (who always looks cranky; didn't he get get the "always be smiling" memo?) is the only potential buyer. Surprisingly, they are light on the potential romance, as each has a Dead Spouse, live in different cities and have lots of baggage. Usually that doesn't interfere with the making of the goo-goo eyes, but this movie lets it develop slowly.

Come the movie night, everyone is excited. They chose a random movie, the only film they could find that would run through the broken down projector, there is no heat and... ZAP, the power is shorted out and the popcorn machine catches on fire. Hearts broken all around.

But Jenn's not throwing in the towel just yet! Her son Simon finds a digital projector, and all the supporting tech, in a back room in boxes. Apparently Dave had been preparing to update the theatre when he got sick. Movie night is BACK ON ! I won't let my tech background comment on how difficult it would be to install a full digital system, but they finally have their chance to do it all right. Jenn and Eric share a kiss, and acknowledge they could have a chance together. BUT...

But, Meg shows up with news about Jenn's resto. Apparently they let the head chef up and quit on the week before Xmas. Suuuure, they are all about supporting their staff, but to let the chef just walk away during such a key period of the year? Way to go Meg ! Jenn is very (understandably) upset and rushes back to Salt Lake to take care of things, which pisses off her son (dude, its an hour away) and disappoints Eric (DUDE! its an HOUR ... AWAY) just as he was opening his heart. But don't worry your little heart, as a little intervening by a plot point from the other movie (we have the perfect underdog chef choice and he runs a... food stand?) and everything is back to being perfect. Everyone rushes back to the PST for the perfect digital movie night, which is not even dashed by the cinema chain deal falling through, because Jenn and Meg have an even better plan! Jenn will setup a movie theatre resto combo in the PST, while Meg will run the old resto because...some how she's qualified?

The Formulae: So so much! We got career gal Jenn (she owns a well known, profitable resto in Salt Lake) running back to her hometown PST to be challenged by a "well known seasonal event in jeopardy". And while dealing with said challenge, we get visits to tree lots, charity cookie deliveries, endless mountains of xmas cookies, a quaint little hometown bakery, a dead uncle, a dead husband AND a dead wife! We get decorating montages, we get pretty little red vintage truck toys in the background, we get red coats AND blue dresses. We get plenty of coffee cups held in two hands, AND we get hot chocolate galore. We get a mild misunderstanding, which is quickly reconciled so the two leads can kiss and be perfectly happy forever after.

Unformulae: Well, primarily in the experimental structure of the movies that are happening at the same time. Beyond that, everything is by the books.

True Calling? Why yes, as both sisters swap where they normally spend Xmas for the other's place.

The Rewind: "Classic Aunt Meg!"

The Regulars: Well, Kimberly Williams-Paisley has only really started doing these movies while her sister Ashley IRL (as well as in the movie) has done... well, fewer than I thought she had. She really got started with the first movie in the Evergreen Cinematic Universe, Christmas in Evergreen, and has been going strong since. Mark Deklin has also done far fewer than I expected. So... all new regulars, I guess?

How does it Hallmark? Again, despite the experimental release format of this and the other movie, the Hallmarkie formula and sincerity is strong in this one. 

How does it movie? I think I need to start shoe horning this post category into the, "Would I watch it again?" and honestly, maybe just maybe on the very cusp of, "If it was on in the background while I am baking cookies."

How Does It Snow? The snow in some scenes, like Hazelwood, all look inserted and fake and cotton batting land, but on occasion, usually when cutting to the shared-scenes between the two movies, we see real snow, as in properly shot while there was snow on the ground in The Big City. I almost feel this doesn't count for the movie set in the PST.

T&K's XMas (2022) Advent Calendar - Day 19: The Holiday Sitter

 A Toast to HallmarKent
2022, d. Ali Liebert

The Draw: It's Hallmark's first movie starring a gay lead character (there have been plenty of Hallmarks with gay male leads, but this is the first time the lead character is gay and building a gay romance)... so landmark viewing...even if the commercials looked awful.

HERstory: Bad font, stock aerial footage of NYC.

Sam is a business manager (vague)...currently convincing one client not to buy a social media company, waiting at the bar for his blind date (who introduces himself as "Dr. Vance Dublane".. who does that? Shouldn't he already know your name, and wouldn't a first name suffice?).  Dr. Vance Dublane seems immediately impressed with handsome Sam and says "Let's grab a table instead of drinks".  Convo turns to kids and Dr. Vance Dublane is kid crazy, pictures of his niece and nephew, but Sam is immediately put off.  Sam has nieces and nephews, too, but he spends no time with them, to the point that Sam is spending Christmas in Hawaii, sans family.

Sam's sis and bro in law must rush off to Buffalo as their baby is due early (they're adopting again).. but who will watch the kids? Mom's in Italy, dad's at a cabin retreat with no cel service? What about Sam? Him? Really? They're not that desperate, are they?  What about Aunties?  Nope, busy.  Cousins? Ach, they have their own lives.  Their friend across the street? No, they just hired him as contractor to finish the baby's room, that seems like too much to ask.  Again, what about Sam? Eeep, not Sam... no, remember when he had that moustache (1) and almost burned down the kitchen (it was the moustache's fault, right)?

Meanwhile Sam's lesbian best friend just got engaged and Sam's happy for her, but not buying into the married life fantasy,  but she hopes one day he finds the perfect guy to settle him down in the most heteronormative of lifestyles (eyeroll: me)

Sis calls Sam, and she guilt trips/blackmails/guilt trips him into doing something helpful for his family whom he hasn't seen in years.  Friend/contractor (Jason) from next door hangs out with the kids waiting for Sam to arrive.  Sam knocks on Jason's door by accident and Jason's dog scares him, to the point that he falls backwards off the stoop, but Jason catches him.  If this was supposed to be romantic, it doesn't linger long enough to really catch the "woo".  Inside Sam finds Sis has made a whole schedule (and list of food places to order from) and Jason offers to help make Sam's life easier.  

Next morning, Sam's niece wakes him up saying "who are you" but upon putting a finger-moustache to his face shouts "Uncle Sam"(2)? Sam calls one of the places to order food (...wait...post-Pandemic someone is calling a place to order food?  No apps in this 'burb?) only to find the first place he calls is out of service.  Sam calls Jason, who is helping out his newly single brother with his kids (Jason has 18 nieces and nephews whom he's always spending time with).  Sam offers to hire Jason to manny/gunkle train him ("do you always throw money at a problem?" "Whenever I can help it?" ... later at a winter street fair Sam needs to take a call so he gives the ring toss girl a big wad of cash and tells his niece to play another...few hundred rounds). Jason makes a crack about Sam's luxury shoes and Sam clues in that Jason is also gay, which he acts like he just learned the moon exploded.

Sam's nephew has a crush on Jason's niece and they both got parts in the Christmas play, but Jason notes the nephew seemed nervous because of being around the girl.  Can Sam give him some acting tips? (Yeah, don't join a play two days before it goes live).  Jason's mom stops by with her dog who charges Sam and he pratfalls into the Christmas tree doing almost no damage to the tree hauling it to the ground (then I realize the tree has maybe 3 baubles and just a thick ribbon wrapped around it).  Sam and the kids go out with Jason and his big family for a big roam around the neighbourhood's Christmas lights (there's a blessing to Jason's aunt who passed and the whole family in unison do the sign of the cross and kiss to the sky (3)) leading to Sam and Jason to roam and chat and learn about Jason's past romances (the other gay couple in the neighbourhood, and Jason is starting the adoption process in the new year, tired of waiting... I don't like the insinuation that Sam's view on life is going to completely overturn in 2 days and, as a possible romantic interest, put Jason's hope of having a new family in jeopardy...Jason's doing just fine on his own)

Jason visits his brother's general store (it's a really lovely looking general store, actually, very Christmassy and full of candy) and they talk waaaay too much about how Sam's not going to be the right guy to start a family with.  Really? Jason's brother is like "give the guy a chance". Meanwhile, Sam helps his nephew with his lines which he reads monotone, blurting them all out while holding his breath and skipping all the punctuation (4).  Then Sam gets news that the baby arrived and he immediately calls Jason to come back and join the family zoom call.  Sister and brother-in-law are snowed in (in Buffalo in December? No! How could that be?) so he changes his Hawaii plans again until Christmas day at least until after presents are open.

Jason helps Sam wrap presents, and Sam keeps bringing up their paid arrangement, but they're clearly making eyes at each other.  Sam says "I'm not going to take advantage of your kindness" and grabs Jason's hand, just then niece pops up looking to talk to Sam and Sam quickly grabs for a blanket to throw over his and Jason's laps (is this the first Hallmark boner joke?(5)). She's nervous about the new baby stealing her love and Sam makes her feel better about it (meanwhile I see the kid-made sign on her door that says "Donia's Room" (6) and I'm like..."Donia?" That's a dumb name.")

Next morning Sam makes breakfast without burning the house down (slow clap from the fam). Jason gives him a gift of a gag ugly XMas sweater (that says "Nice") as well as a cable-knit green sweater ("I thought it would look good on you.")  Donia makes the baby a Christmas stocking but also one for Sam which makes him cry.  He's wearing the green sweater when Jason arrives and I guess it's the gay version of the Blue/Red/Green dress reveal from straight Hallmarks?

At the XMas play, Sam learns that Jason's niece also has a crush on his nephew and he psyches nephew up and nephew acts like a professional actor, not the awkward, stilted robot from the prior evening.  Sam turns down family dinner with Jason's family because he's gonna be on a flight to Hawaii.  Christmas Eve in a quiet house, Sam and Jason have a moment, turning all the lights off except the tree and sing silent night, holding hands, then are about to kiss when Dad shows up in his 4x4 truck with Sis, Bro-in-law and baby (cause, you know the first thing you do with a brand new baby is drive 100 miles or more through a raging blizzard).  Jason says his goodbyes and Sam gives him his Uncle Consultant check (but when Sam is distracted he slips it into his stalking hanging on the mantle).  Jason says "it was nice getting to know you Sam" and leaves, sounding so finite.

Christmas morning, Sam wakes the kids up and the baby is strategically placed under the tree, which he points out to the kids and Donia says "BABY!" (7). Later Donia gives Sam his stocking and finds the cheque.  He offers to make breakfast, and Dad says "I'd love some pancakes" and Sam starts to cry (8) and runs away.  "I like him sis, I really like him." She explains that the agreement Sam and Jason made became something else, not about the money.  Meanwhile, Jason's brother's saying the same thing to him.  Sam finally lets his guard down to Sis and talks about his internal pain, which is actually the first genuinely touching moment from Sam in this whole production.  He talks about growing up with "not you" being said or inferred about his homosexuality, and how he's carried that with him his whole life, believing that marriage and family are not even available to him despite knowing better. To recap, Sam learned to overcome his fear of cooking, children and intimacy all in 3 days. If that's not Hallmarkie, then I don't know what is.

It all comes down to last minute tell-each-other-how-they-feel foibles, and a nice moment leading to a kiss that feels like an actual romcom ending, followed by onlooking families applauding.

The Formulae: many cooking together scenes, a lot of bad pratfalls, present wrapping, helping kids out with their petty kid troubles, a lot of family members pointing out to the leads what a match the other lead might make for them, some sort of kid Christmas performance, the dress (sweater) reveal...

Unformulae: I went into this really and truly hoping that this would be a generic Hallmark script from 2018 that they just swapped out the female lead for a gay dude, as that would be kind of hilarious.  This is not quite that, as both the leads are very clearly gay uncle archetypes so it's much more tailored to gay characters than I had thought.  Also, Sam is self-employed and very successful and there's no drama around his work, which is very atypical for Hallmark's female leads.

True Calling? Yeah, it's a fine title.  Not too exciting, but not as generic as so many others.  If someone references "The Holiday Sitter" next year I'll probably remember which one it is.

The Rewind: Most of the comedy in this was really really bad. Any of the comedy moments that actually made me laugh (most intentional), marked 1 through 7 above were worth a rewind.  I loved Donia's delivery of "BABY!" the most I think. But then... there's a BONER JOKE...IN A HALLMARK!

The Regulars: Everyone.

How does it Hallmark? It's so Hallmark, it hurts.  Unfortunately it's more on the not-so-good side of Hallmark than it is on the bad-fun Hallmark, or the really different/interesting good.  The romance is fine but I have a hard time buying the end result.  It *almost* pulls it off, but it would have been more believable if the time span was like, two weeks, rather than 3 days.

How does it movie? It's bad.  Yeah, just bad. The weak link is star/co-plotter Jonathan Bennett.  He overplays almost every scene for the first hour, especially the comedy. His pratfalls are poorly executed, and his facial muggings are Disney Channel tween sitcom level, just real broad and overplayed for the scene.  He reigns it in in the final act and I wish that was how he'd played the character the whole film.  I'm glad Hallmark went for the gay romance, and hopefully we see more, but this is lesser than what we got in prior years from other sources, like Single All The Way, The Christmas Set-Up, or Dashing In December.

How Does It Snow? All cotton batting all the time.  So much cotton batting.  I laughed hard when the one girl had to hi-step through the "snow" so as to not disturb the batting.