T&K Go Loopty-Loo: XMas Edition - normally Toasty and I do a "Loopty-loo" as a joint effort, but I'm going to spare him on this one, because it's pretty bad so he's not missing much, and also there's a couple other Christmas Loopty-loos from last year still sitting in draft that he needs to get to ;P
2016, d. Christy Carlson Romano - tubi
How did the Loop Begin?15 year-old farthead Eddie is eagerly anticipating getting a pair of "Breezy 3000" shoes so when Christmas is delayed by a day because his brother's getting married (on Christmas, in the house), all the worst aspects of Eddie comes out. After being a total farthead to everyone around him (including his best friend) he comes across a tiny little store with the shoes displayed in the tiny little window (I would like to know where this place is that has stores open on Christmas). Going inside, he meets Joey Lawrence and, as we all know, JoLaw is magic (amIright?), so JoLaw draws an infinity sign in the air and makes this little farthead's Christmas day repeat over and over again until (including being woken up by his dog farting on his head), well, he's not such a farthead anymore.
What was the main character's first reaction to the Loop?
It's the usual: a small bit of confusion. But points to fartheddie it takes him all of about 45 minutes (in-world time, only like 2 minutes actual screen time) to figure out that the day is repeating itself. Then he think's it's kind of cool.
WHY did the main character get put into the Loop? Can someone else be brought into the Loop?
Because he covets shoes instead of the true spirit of Christmas, you know family and giving. Fartheddie isn't really concerned about anyone but himself so there's no opportunity for him to bring anyone into the Loop.
How long is this time Loop? What resets it? Can you force the reset?
The Loop lasts for Christmas Day. It resets when fartheddie goes to sleep...or whenever someone punches him in the face, and he gets punched in the face three times. Just one punch.... Now, that one punch either knocks him unconscious for 24 hours or kills him. Either way, the day resets when he regains consciousness. fartheddie can't take a hit.
How long does the main character stay in the Loop? Does it have any affect on them, their personality, their outlook?
There are, at most 12 loops that fartheddie takes (you can read more about them after the break...I took notes). At first he loves that there's no consequences to his actions and that he can tell what's going to happen, but the novelty quickly wears off and fartheddie is bored. I think, seriously, that he has ADHD, and, seriously, I think this is kind of a good representation of ADHD...except that they present it as "Eddie's acting out because his mom died a few years ago" which is not the problem. Once he starts overhearing things he doesn't want to hear, like his brother and future sister in law criticizing him to each other, he just wants life to move on. It's this desire to leave the loop that gets him thinking about what it is that it would take, and what it takes is him actually willing himself to change, to stop thinking of himself first, which takes all of three loops. Have this to say about Eddie, he's a quick learner. It's pretty common that ADHD kids are pretty smart, just they can't settle down enough to apply themselves and show their smarts off.
What about the other people in the Loop? Are they aware? Can they become aware? Does anything happen if they become aware?
Fartheddie fills his best buddy Taz in on the Loop and Taz doesn't quite buy into it, but Taz seems pretty used to going with the flow with fartheddie. For the first couple loops, Eddie ropes Taz into his various capers, like cherry bombing the swans, "waterskiing" with a hoverboard strapped to the back of a golf cart, and stealing running shoes, and Taz is pretty pissed each time they get caught (mostly because Eddie abandons him, white boy fartheddie leaving the black jewish kid holding the bag). But nobody else even remotely comes to understand the loop.
What does the main character think about the other people in the Loop? Are they real? Do they matter?
In as far as fartheddie thinks about anyone but himself, it actually doesn't take long for him to start considering other people in his life a little differently, seeing different sides of them in the same day. Since he can't just keep doing the same thing over and over again, he moves around and this exposes him to different conversations and opportunities to understand people a little differently. So he starts to see the girl he has a crush on as something more than just a crush, that the woman his brother is marrying is someone actually trying to understand and befriend him, and that he's been a pretty fartheaded friend to his best friend and his brother.
Most memorable event in a Loop? Most surprising event during a Loop?
I think fartheddie cherry bombing the swans was particularly surprising in its awfulness, but the most surprising was on loop 10 when fartheddie overhears his brother and future sister-in-law talking about him calling him "selfish" and "immature". Then he delivers a selfish and immature best man speech calling them out for calling him selfish and immature, basically proving their point. Such a farthead that fartheddie
How does this stack up in the subgenre?
Terrible. It doesn't understand how to set up the time loop in a way that has big event moments that signify its a time loop (it's mainly little things that might seem like bigger things to Eddie). But there's no obfuscation of the fact that it's a loop. And then each loop in the story just sort of glosses over BIG events of the day (the most of the loops that just skip the wedding ceremony and party altogether, which is at times an extremely egregious omission) not to mention not covering any of the fallout of fartheddie ruining the wedding day by getting arrested twice or by being knocked unconscious three times.
Not only that, but there's a few continuity gaffes between the loops (such as fartheddie saying he only has 2 dollars and change to pay the girls for their hot chocolate (after stealing it loop after loop), but then is able to pay for three people's gigerbread pancake breakfasts?
The acting is not godawful like I was expecting, the main cast all seem to have a good deal of credits so it's like Hallmark or Disney Channel tween show acting here, but it all feels rushed and rarely to the best of anyone's abilities (it's probably the affliction of being a low budget production). Surprisingly JoLaw is the most easy, natural, and engaging presence in the film, but he's got only about 4 minutes of screentime.
The production values are also very low-budget. It opens with a montage of wintery scene stock footage but then when it start to introduce actual environments from the movies it looks very much like springtime with new leaves blooming and people not in winter gear in the background and cotton batting sparsely scattered on things. Curiously enough there's a "snowhill" that they made, a pretty good stretch of a hill for a snowball fight and sliding, but it's just a weird oasis of snow surrounded by brown trees and ground with no snow. It's a bizarre sight to be sure.
It's not entirely unwatchable, but it's hardly good, and of all the time-loops we've watched here at T&KSD, this is probably the worst
[Full synopsis after the break]
We open with a montage of actual outdoor snowy scenes - skating, sledding, shopping - then cut to other exterior scenes with very green grass, freshly blooming leaves, and badly decorated scenes with cotton batting. Zach has just returned home for his wedding. Dad's getting things ready for the ceremony (on CHRISTMAS!?! Christmas weddings, so stupid).
This production has built a partial snowhill for tubing, where we see Eddie and Taz getting ready to slide... smash cut to Eddie and Tez having "crashed" into the trees (no actual sliding seen)
The wedding planners "Rinaldi Brothers" - and they're actual brothers... one with a tough guy accent, the other with a fake Italian accent. What is their back story? Born and raised apart?
Zach's bride-to-be (played by the writer/director) says, "You know I know what it's like to lose someone, that's part of the reason why we're having the wedding tomorrow." They do circle back to this, but it's still dumb to have a wedding on Christmas.
Eddie likes a girl, but she's older and she has a boyfriend who's "like a teenage Schwartzenegger" (this movie is made in 2016, no 15-year-old is referencing Schwatzenegger... why not a "teenage Dwayne "the Rock" Johnson"?. Eddie accidentally kicks the cage door open on the wedding doves, and then the doves poop all over his future sister-in-law. Comedy! This film has it.
Per Eddie: "I'm not going to let this wedding ruin my Christmas traditions, if I had my way this wedding wouldn't be happening at all." We *kinda* learn why he's being such a farthead but it's a long road to hoe to get there.
Eddie has a robot sidekick, like Rocky in Rocky iV. He also loves rapper "Young Breezy" who seems to be an artist who solely exists to pimp out shoes. I did kindof enjoy the music video and/or commercial for the Breezy 3000s. Eddie seems to be easily distracted, I think he's got ADHD. He's also got real Zack Morris energy, and as we all know Zack Morris is trash.
Christmas day Eddie's dog farts on his head awakening him. There's no presents under the tree on Christmas Day because Zack's wedding takes priority ("Bridezilla cancelled Christmas.") . Fartheddie takes off after taking a picture of the bride as she's getting ready in her dress, meets up with Taz for diner pancakes, spies his crush fighting with her boyfriend and tosses a snowball that hits her buy accident, and then when he runs away from getting a beat down (stealing Taz's Hanukkah present, a hoverboard) he comes across a tiny little shop run by Joey Lawrence that has the Breezy 3000 shoes he's been coveting. After a puzzling talk with JoLaw, and clearly JoLaw making some form of celestial hex) Fartheddie arrives home he's in big trouble, but fakes being ill and bails on the wedding (he's the Best Man... Zach, surely you could do better), hiding out in his room until the next day.
Day 2. Farthead. Fartheddie's pissed there's still no presents, and thinks the wedding planners are pranking him. When he sees them fall down outside the exact same way as they did the day before and he snaps a pick. Taz shows up and he already understands he's in a time loop... talking space-time continuum shit. He throws the snowball, Taz takes the beatig, the small shop is closed... somehow the goddamn mall is open? And shoe stores have in store credit(?!?), so fartheddie gets Zack to text him his social insurance number so he can apply, and then a bruised up Taz sees that fartheddie chose shoes over friendship. Fartheddie has not time for concern over his best friend completely being done with him, he's just so pleased with himself and his shithead suburban whiterap cultural appropriation aesthetic that he doesn't care. He changes for the wedding (keeping his coveted sneakers on) and comes across Marilyn crying, missing her grandmother. Eddie tries helpful advise but it's not helpful because fartheddie can't see past his own POV. Fartheddie convinces the senile neighbour that he's a cyborg, and then she throws wine on the bride during the ceremony (yeah, that happened. Comedy!). Fartheddie gets sent to his room and smashes a window with a baseball because he's a little farthead.
Day 3, dog farts on Eddie's head, The window isn't broken. "I can get away with anything I want." He tells Taz he can do whatever he wants without having to pay for the consequences of his actions. Case in point he dumps a jar of syrup on his unnamed crush's boyfriend, and he punches Eddie so hard, fartheddie either dies or he's unconscious until the start of the next day. Probably means the wedding is called off because Eddie's either dead or in a concussion-induced coma.
Day 4, fartheddie and Taz cherry bomb a swan and get arrested. Taz is pretty pissed fartheddie keeps getting them in these jams. The wedding likely off as the family deals with bailing this farthead out of jail.
.
Day 5, they steal a golf cart and play waterskiing with Taz's hoverboard, and get arrested, again. The wedding...? Hey if the film doesn't care, why should we?
Day 6, they go to the mall and steal the coveted shoes, and when they run Taz gets caught and Eddie takes off, only to find the little shop again, open this time. He talks to the JoLaw and asks him if he's responsible for the time loop... which he basically admits to. Eddie says he can start helping old ladies cross the street and shit. JoLaw says "these types of arrangements just have to work themselves out, but I can assure you, you won't want to stay in that moment for too long, yet I also wouldn't rush into anything". JoLaw bringing some real charm and acting to this miserable production. Eddie leaves only to see his crush (we're over halfway through the film and she still doesn't have a name), she's crying on a bench. She asks him "why are boys so dumb." "We aren't all dumb". "Yeah, you are." Smart girl, she knows. Fartheddie goes home for the wedding, where reads from some book (I didn't catch its importance). It reads: "To whom is granted their greatest dream must own to the peril and fantasy or be doomed to repeat". Sure. He has a heartfelt talk with Zack about their dead mom. Wedding goes...who knows?
Day 7 dog farts on Eddie's head. Fartheddie decides to pay the girls for hot chocolate instead of stealing it (as he's been doing in each loop before this). He then joins the hot cocoa girls for a snowball fight in that weird strip of snow surrounded by blossoming trees. He intervenes with his crush and her boyfriend's fight, and tells the bf to "listen to the lady, they like that sort of thing", but the bf's just like "mind your own business" so Eddie asks her to breakfast and she joins him, where we finally learn her name is Cindy. Brad the boyfriend comes in and knocks fartheddie out (dead/comatose again until...).
Day 8 rewinds (literally, that's how the movie presents what happens) and Eddie plays it the same, except declaring a truce with Brad, they end up in a sledding challenge (you know, how modern girls are merely prizes in racing competitions) where Eddie says to Taz that he's a good friend. He crashes and Cindy kisses him on the cheek, calls him "special" (boy howdy!), but also says "still too young though". No sense of resolution to the contest at all (did he win? Did Brad? If Fartheddie won, what's really to stop Brad from still punching him in the face?). Taking a bath and writing his best man speech, he overhears Zach and Marylin (hey she has a name too) talking about him (he's "immature", and "selfish", they say, accurately). And then, at the wedding reception (in the house), fartheddie delivers a selfish and immature best man speech calling them out for calling him selfish and immature, basically proving their point.
Day 9, dog farts on Eddie's head. farteddie doubles down on being a farthead for a bit before realizing that Cindy and the guy from the shoe store would be perfect for each other? (Except he knows nothing about guy from the shoe store except that he likes anime and girls with blue hair and Cindy likes anime and has a blue streak in her hair...ok, you know what, they're teenagers, I guess that's all they really need). That's really all that happens in this loop. It's a weird edit.
Smash cut to Day 10 (as if the wedding and shit do not happen the previous day) when fartheddie makes friends with wedding planners, then sets up shoe store guy with Cindy at pancake breakfast. When Brad goes to punch Eddie's face in shoe store guy turns out to be a total badass, catches the punch and takes Brad outside. Cut to bed time (the wedding going over fine apparently), and Eddie thinks he's been good and done everything he needs to, but (Day 11), he wakes up to dog farts on his again. He runs away, and winds up in the same place as Marilyn who has a little heart to heart with him. Eddie sees the little JoLaw shop, goes in and JoLaw gives Eddie a shoe metaphor which seems to make sense to Eddie at least. And then for the rest of the day Eddie (only a literal farthead, not a metaphorical one) is like the ideal person helping everyone out (and he manages to add shoe store guy and Cindy to the wedding guest list), then delivers his best man speech, which is the best Eddie can do (and for some reason makes two red-dress-wearing hotties at the wedding real horny for a priest. Comedy?). Awkwardly shot awkward wedding dancing to shitty Christmas music.
Eddie wakes up no longer farted upon and it's Boxing Day. He's so elated. Presents are under the tree and he joins his family, and doesn't want his presents, just to enjoy being with his family. Aw.
Then it turns out it's the dog is narrating the movie, and he's friends with JoLaw...um...what?
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