T&K's XMas (2021) Advent Calendar: Day 10 - The Nine Lives of Christmas

2014, Mark Jean (Police Academy: The Series) -- Amazon

The Draw: 

Technically, because Kent has such a fondness for it. But also, cats.

THEIRstory: 

This is one of those ones where the love story is of equal value, instead of focusing on one of the characters and letting them get hit by cupid's arrow.

Zachary (Brandon Routh, DC's Legends of Tomorrow) is the I-Have-No-Idea-Where, Oregon hunky firefighter. It literally begins with him posing uncomfortably for a calendar (no, this is G Rated, so no shirtless beefcake) and being hit on by the female photographer. Zach doesn't do commitment, much to the chagrin or admiration of his fellow firefighters. And he is currently dating a model.

Meanwhile dedicated student Marilee (Kimberly Sustad, Travelers) is doing double duty working in a pet supplies store, and going to vet school. She doesn't have time for love, but believes in Happily Ever After. Her sister wants to set her up with friends, while her best friend wants to get her into dating apps. But nope, no thankyou. The scene of the friend capturing Marilee's gaping mouth for a dating profile pic is typical of the atypical comedy for a Hallmarkie in this movie. It works.

And then she bumps into Zach at the local grocery when he is buying cat food for Ambrose, who he just rescued from a predatory dog, and she is buying too much ice cream (I mean, technically there is no such thing as too much ice cream, but that was like.... 8 litres?). And booooooy is Marilee awkward. I like the tables being turned on the usual state where the guy is awkward, and the girl is very well put together. But nope, not only is Zach a hunky firefighter (as opposed to a husky boy), but he is also very confident and independent. Marilee just stares.

And then they keep on bumping into each other.

Now, this movie is really about the cats, and the humans are just guest stars in their world. Ambrose really likes Zach, but y'know Zach doesn't have time for a cat. That's alright, Ambrose will hang out in the firehouse and charm all the firefighters. But Zach's model girlfriend wants him gone. After Ambrose has successfully ingratiated himself into Zach's house, his bedroom and eventually his bed, Blair the Model (Chelsea Hobbs, UnREAL) has the audacity to demand Zach get him adopted at the local pet supplies store her dad owns. And guess who works at said pet supplies store?

That doesn't end well. Blair gets Marilee fired, behind Zach's back, and then Marilee's cat is discovered by her landlord! No cats allowed! Yer out Marilee!! By this time Zach has discovered Blair's nasty side and dumped her cat hating, cute girl firing ass. And in apology, Zach takes Marilee out for supper at her fav food truck. She's an unsophisticated gal, just the kind Zach would prefer if he was just into commitment. Also, he offers her a place to stay until she gets back on her feet. Ambrose isn't complaining, as he gets a new gal cat to hang out with.

Of note, to non-cat people (and the actors) the body language between Ambrose and Queenie was NOT copacetic. They were barely tolerating each other and a hissing fit was inevitable. But not in this movie, as the main characters see serendipity in how well their cats get along.

The weird thing about this movie is that Xmas is going on somewhere there in the background, but the movie has not been troped into being only about Xmas, like... well, like Xmas Hallmarkies are SUPPOSED to be.

Still, there is an Xmas party that Marilee's sister the real estate agent is hosting, which Marilee, who by now is full on hot and bothered for Zach, is attending. Zach begs off for a work thing, but then she spies him across the room, making nice nice with another hot blonde! Zachary may have been forward under the mistletoe and given her big smoochies, but apparently he's still out there playing in the bimbo field. Mariless is heart-broken; but it has to be a misunderstanding, right?

It is.

That was the mayor's wife and he was doing some more schmoozing for the calendar. Still, Marilee is hurt, and packs up her stuff, and abandons the free rent in Zach's upstairs apartment. Zach is confused, Marliee is hurt and the cats probably don't give a fuck.

BUT Xmas Day, Zach decides enough is enough. Maybe its time he went for the whole commitment thing and tracks Marilee down at the pet adoption thing being held on Xmas Day, because they decided this movie was an Xmas movie and something has to happen on Xmas Day. He reminds her of how mountain lions show each other love (climbing up on high and yowling) and she is charmed he remembered, and they kiss on top of the fire truck.

And happily ever after!

The Formulae:

You know, not so much. Fuck, it's not even really an Xmas movie as Xmas is just happening in the background, and barely plays a part in the movie. The only real thing we get is the Xmas Tree Hunt, which is truly charming as she explains to Zach about leaning left, and leaning right, and putting your left hand in, and shaking it all about.

Unformulae: 

Pretty much the entire movie. It's more a traditional romantic comedy, with actual comedic effect ! Marilee is awkward and cute and playful, and feels totally out of her league with Zachary. It allows for a nice bit of meet cute interplay. There are some Xmasy things going on around, but it never really plays into the movie all that much.

True Calling? 

Uh, no. Sure there are cats as the main characters in this movie, but its not like the tendency to bypass major danger comes into play, but for Ambrose's introduction to Zachary.

The Rewind: 

Was there anything really memorable? I don't remember.

The Regulars: 

Sustad has done more than a handful of these movies, as does Stephanie Bennett who played her sister Jaclyn. Surprisingly, Chelsea Hobbs, who played the Dick GF Blair, has done more horror movies than Hallmarkie ones, but one of hers caught my eye, as the male lead character is someone who "celebrates Xmas every day". That sounds... interesting? 

How does it Hallmark? 

Being so lacking in the tropes, I would say it does not Hallmark any boxes on my list.

How does it movie? 

Now, as a standard romantic comedy, it is slightly higher than most Hallmarkies, but that's not saying much. Still, it is cute and charming in its own way. And it has cats, which always adds points in my book.

How Does It Snow? 

Oh Emm Gee. It does NOT. I am not sure this movie knows it is set in Xmas, in OREGON !! Not only is there no snow, not even a brief attempt at fake snow, not even some potato flakes on the ground, not even some fake material snow wrapped around fake trees, but EVERYTHING IS GREEN. The grass is green, the leaves on the trees are green. Sure, some characters wear winter coats, but they are never zipped up and usually people have opened collars. This movie was probably shot during the late Spring time, and makes no attempt to be winter. I am assuming it was originally not meant to be an Xmas movie, but some purple suited producer (is there a Hallmarkie specific version of such? Maybe a Mormon in boring black suit?) decided they needed another Xmas movie for the season, and just tweaked the fuck out of the script after they scheduled everything.