T&K's XMas (2021) Advent Calendar: Day 15 - A Clüsterfünke Christmas

 A Toast to HallmarKent: A Clüsterfünke Christmas - 2021, d. Anna Dokoza (Kevin Can F**k Himself)  - Comedy Central/Crave

The Draw: 
If there's ever been low-hanging fruit for a comedy it's taking all the tropes of a Hallmark holiday romance movie and reeeaalllly leaning into them, winking and nodding and breaking-the-fourth-walling along the way.  It could be horrendous, like those "Not Another..." series of "parodies", but with SNL alums Ana Gasteyer and Rachel Dracht scripting and co-starring there's at least a comedy pedigree there that points to a more steady hand, and with Anna Dokoza directing, her sensibilities are more arch-comedy-drama which could be the right blend for a Hallmark pastiche.

HERstory: 
The movie opens with a title card with voice over "The Bellhark Holiday Channel proudly presents our '187 Days of Christmas'" which had my wife instantly saying "What the fuck?" as I didn't warn her that this was a parody.  Over a very cheezy original jazzy jingle (sung by Gasteyer) we then get the montage of establishing shots of New York ("Manhattan, New York" emblazoned on the screen throughout) with an establishing shot of Denver [I think] and a park hilltop with a Canadian flag atop a flagpole cut in between.  We meet busy "lead buyer in the hotel and resort business" Holly (Vella Lovell) walking down a very Christmassy, un-Manhattan-esque street (visible Canadian flag prominently on display in the background), she's complaining loudly on her phone about how much she hates Christmas when she bumps into a passer-by who does the "Ey, I'm walkin' here," reiterating directly into camera that "this is New York... and there's 7 days until Christmas".  And then the abrupt music switch as Holly spies a window display of snow globes, implying that snow globes have some dramatic importance.

Don't worry, I'm not going to detail every joke, just pointing out that this is all the first 100 seconds of the film.

Holly had an deal fall through so her boss is giving her one last shot before Christmas to make it up to him.  In the small Christmassy town of Yuletown is a family inn that he wants bought out for one of his signature hotel-golf course-racetracks. She take a plane then a train to Yuletown, the home of the Santa Bonfire (I was really hoping this comedy would take a third act turn out of the Hallmark parody and into a Midsommer parody where the town is basically a cult that attempts to trap Santa and burn him alive every year...alas), and wind up at the sort of ramshackle inn, run by two dowdy, gray-haired, strudel-making spinster sisters Hildy and Marga Clüsterfünke (Gasteyer and Dracht).  Every doorknob and handle that Holly touches in the Inn falls off, which leads her to meet the Clüsterfünkes' hunky handyman nephew Frank (Cheyenne Jackson).  Of course, his small-town values and her big-city mentality lead them to conflict.

The next day, Holly wanders the town searching for coffee, but there's none to be found, only cocoa.  It should be noted that this "town" is the very same locale that the Christmas in Evergreen series is shot in. But along the way she meets some of the town's residents, including her  new - gay-questionmark - best friend Percy (Nils Hognestad) and the Black guy and Asian lady who are "Colorful Representation" (the sales booth of vintage, vibrant trinkets, treasures and tokens, re-presented). 

Holly helps out at the Gingerperson Festival, and is conscripted to draw of the smile on Santa for the Christmas Eve bonfire , and she begins to befriend Hildy and Marga (during a strudel baking sequence which leads to a makeover montage) as well as fall for Frank as he exposes her to the rugged charms of small town living and he later saves her from freezing to death when she gets lost in a digital snowstorm.  They have a "horse-drawn" carriage ride (horse is off-screen, cue engine start-up noise) and a romantic "winter" picnic.  When Holly learns the sisters are in deep debt, she decides to use her business knowledge to help them save their business from the predatory corporation who sent her there in the first place.  But of course Holly's ex Chance turns up to win her back, and her boss turns up to close the deal that she's been failing to close.

Things come to a head as Frank and Chance compete in a Christmas fruitcake cornhole competition, where clearly the prize is Holly's affection.  When Chance makes his final play for Holly, Frank overhears and misconstrues the conversation, thinking that Holly still only cares about buying the Inn, and of course there..oh yes, 20 minutes to go.  Moping, Holly has a magical visit from an angel representing the spirit of Christmas in the form of modestly famous musician Shania Gary (best known for "All I Want For Christmas Is Fruit") who gives her obvious advice to follow her heart.  

She saves the inn ("The Clüsterfünke mail order strudel webpage just went live and the gif is a meme and it's trending on retweets!") and decides to stay to help manage the inn, she helps Frank get past his issue with fire, she makes it for the big Santa bonfire where she gives a big, rousing speech and they light the bonfire, everyone sings the title song as they kiss, the end.

The Formulae:
Literally all of them.  All the formulae.

Unformulae: 
Surprisingly, despite being steeped in holiday formulae, the lead character is a person of color and not a generic, Hollywood seven, white lady. 

Obviously the straight up poking fun at the formulae is unformulae, but this movie, to mixed effect, likes to point out the formulae so very very much.  That they feel the need to point out the trope after exhibiting the trope is comedically redundant, but they do it so consistently that it's almost its own running gag, plus Gasteyer and Dracht are savvy enough to work the trope explanation into a comedic form.  

Holly's assistant hands her a coffee, AND THERE'S CLEARLY COFFEE IN THE MUG! What the actual eff?!? There's not actually supposed to be liquid in those things.

True Calling? 
Sure.  Whatever.  I hate the umlauts in Clüsterfünke though, makes it hard to type the name out.

The Rewind: 
For me it was going back to Shania Gary (Maya Rudolph's) b-grade take on "All I Want For Christmas Is You" called "All I Want For Christmas Is Fruit" (adhering to the "Weird" Al parody standard of turning a hit song into a song about food).  I love Maya sooo much. Gasteyer and Dracht wrote all the songs in the film.

Holly, the author of "The Seven Seas Solution to Success in Business" and she keeps stacks of copies of the book around her apartment.  She flips through one of the copies and it's all blank pages except for the first two or three where she keeps a picture of her and her ex sandwiched in between.

Oh, the family of redheads who came to town for the Ginger People Festival (formerly Gingerbread Man Festival) only to be sorely disappointed. 

Gasteyer, almost in a fit, working her way into a "Frankincense" pun and Dracht trying to stop her. 

The Regulars: 
It's only regular is holiday romance hunk Ryan McPartlin who plays Chase, he's got a handful of real Lifetimers and off-brand movies under his belt.

How does it Hallmark?
It's a better movie than pretty much every Hallmark while still feeling pretty much like a Hallmark (Yuletown being the same place as Evergreen certainly helps it along) because it's using the tropes so intentionally, and everyone's playing into the tropes, and people seem to be cast for performance rather than being "local".   It also seems like they took time to shoot this, rather than just cranking it out in two weeks. There's a care put into this, attention to detail, that just isn't typically put into the cheapo holiday romances.

How does it movie?
With bigger name cast members I could have seen this being a theatrical comedy.  It's certainly more of a movie than the usual Hallmark despite being shot the same way.

That said, it is a comedy, and comedy is subjective.  Subjectively, much of the comedy here works, but some of it also can seem forced, but I'm sure people won't agree on which are the good jokes and which are the groaners.  That said, Gasteyer and Dracht manage to get quite a bit of non-parody comedy that speaks to their honed comedic sensibilities.  I mean, there's a running gag about Holly losing toes to frostbite....

How Does It Snow? 

Oh it's all cotton or paint or soap bubbles, and they don't ever once make a joke about it.  It could have been so easy to have Holly's wheely suitcase catch and drag a big sheet of cotton, or catch a heel on some etc but this film isn't wanting to breaking the fourth wall very often, they establish its own reality and operate within it, if absurdly sometimes.