31 Days of Halloween: His House

 2020, Remi Weekes (Metamorphosis: Titian 2012) -- Netflix

OK, the final one of the run, and truly, the best of the entire season.

This is what I like about indie and "foreign" movies, in that they give me exposure to a life that I, in my privileged straight white male living in "the west", cannot imagine. In this case, two refugees flee from racial violence in Sudan, to the UK. While treated relatively (dose of salt here) kindly by the UK officials (they are assigned a house to live in, and a stipend, while their case is reviewed) nothing about uprooting your lives is easy, especially when the house you are living in is haunted.

Bol (Sope Dirisu, Gangs of London) and Rial (Wunmi Mosaku, Lovecraft Country)  are married, and from the intro, they lost a child on the journey to Britain. Sure, they have been given a house, but its a pigsty, obviously abandoned, full of garbage, holes, mold and the wiring is barely functional. But Mark (Matt Smith, Doctor Who), their  just keeps on telling them how lucky they are. It's obvious they are not, but Bol is doing his very best to stay positive; he's a capable man and willing to take on whatever he can to fit in, to fix up the house. Rial is traumatized by it all; she's not adjusting as well as her husband claims to be.

It doesn't help that they both begin experiencing strange supernatural events. We, the viewers, experience the enveloping shadows and the terrifying spectres in the background along with Bol, while Rial seems to accept the apparitions. The ghosts, the spirits have been brought with them from Sudan. There are so many things to unpack when you realize that. Is this psychological? Are these this culture's versions of the ghosts or evil spirits? Whatever is going on, the impact it is having is terrifying, and it seeped out of the screen into our living room. I felt what they were going through, both the supernatural and the more ... systemic nightmares.

Eventually, more things are revealed, more backstory, more history that brings revelation, and ... finally, some peace for these two refugees. Their life is not going to be easy anytime soon, but at least they get to deal with their ghosts. 

The performances were incredible. I have now seen Wunmi Mosaku in two roles, Lovecraft Country and Luther. She couldn't have been more different in all three roles, yet there is an emotional weight behind all three, something that tells me she is not to be fucked with, not even by deceptive spirits. Disiru's little reactions make his character, that laugh when he is stressed, the stoic "I am the man of the house" attitude that not even he is sure he can maintain, the constant tamping down of his emotions, so he can continue to appear to be "one of the good ones", whatever the fuck that means. Even Matt Smith in his small role is brilliant, as you don't know whether to slap him or commend him -- you never really know if he believes what he spouts, but there is something small there, some reminder of why he probably ended up in this job. All in all, the movie is small, mostly in the house, but occasionally in dramatic vistas of the spirit world, and yet, such a big scar world. 

And that final scene... so many MANY fucking ghosts, will that house ever give them up?

31 Days of Halloween: The Mortuary Collection

 2019, Ryan Spindell (a bunch of shorts) -- download

Of note, we missed a couple of nights, as we binge-rewatched The Mandalorian. Meh, its not like there are rules.

Because Clancy Brown.

The Mortuary Collection is a pseudo anthology horror movie, taking the same theme as Scare Me by having two characters tell each other stories. High on the hill above the who-knows-when (they say the 80s, but it felt... older) town is the Raven's End Mortuary. The opening setup of this movie is downright beautiful, great camera work and colours and CGI, creating quite the mystical spot. A young lady named Sam shows up at the door of the mortuary to take mortician Montgomery Dark up on the "help wanted" sign. He's typically creepy, more well-embalmed zombie than man, all massive Clancy Brown intimidation factor. He believes that mortuaries are more about the stories of the people who go through their doors, than the deaths themselves. And to vet Sam, he puts her through a story telling game.

The stories are cute, period set pieces, weird and fun. A young woman gets eaten by a Cthulhu-ian octopus in the medicine cabinet, a frat boy gets pregnant (yes, he gets pregnant) after refusing to wear a condom, a man dedicated to taking care of his comatose wife utterly fails in trying to get rid of her, and finally, Sam's tale herself, about the kid she was babysitting, who happens to be Montgomery's latest "client". Each story has its gore, its jumps, lots of bloody practical effects and tongue in cheek interactions. Nothing was all that novel, again just being the kinds of stories that emerged from horror comic books in the 70s but everything was well done and easily digested.

**spoilers though I doubt you care**

At the end, during the final story, we get Sam's real story, which I have to give it to the movie, I didn't see coming. Her tale of being the babysitter protecting the child upstairs, from the psycho that escaped from the local asylum is all misdirection. She is the psycho, the dead man on the floor was the babysitter, and Sam has come to the mortuary just to get her souvenir. Alas, the ending is as expected, as she tries to kill Dark, only to learn he is indeed a zombie, the forever mortician, and she has convinced him -- she gets the job, as the new mortician. He is free, to finally leave, to go outside and get his rewards for all the years of servitude.  Well, he's be running the place for a LONG time and therefore, his reward is POOF dusted. The end.

So all in all a fun romp, well done, but not entirely original.

Horror, Not Horror: two against one

 "Horror, Not Horror" movies are those that toe the line of being horror movies but don't quite comfortably fit the mold.  I'm not a big horror fan, but I do quite like these line-skirting type movies, as we'll see.

Vampires vs The Bronx - 2020, d. Oz Rodriguez - Netflix
Vamps - 2012, d. Amy Heckerling  - AmazonPrime
Halloween - 2018, d. David Gordon Green - Crave

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It was actually Toasty's review earlier this month that made me want to see this movie, even though, as he said, two strong acts are kind of let down by a barely-serviceable third act of vampire slaying.  It's ostensibly a tweenage action/adventure/horror-not-horror that plays like the younger sibling to the much more coarse and agressive (and one of the best action horrors of the century) Attack The Block, and the wife called out some Lost Boys homages as well.  Vampires vs The Bronx is totally a PG-13 (maybe even PG) film that will scare only the youngest in the crowd, and maybe not even then.  Though they reference Blade within the film, Toasty called it in that its vamps feel straight out of Buffy, although both do have a propensity for disintegrating into ash when killed, one of the laziest tropes in vamp storytelling.

As you can tell by that first paragraph wherein I referenced a bunch of other movies and shows, this isn't totally original, but it wears those inspirations on its sleeve.  It's not reinventing the vampire story, it's just playing, gently, in that world.  The film gets points for playing with theme of gentrification and how it changes a neighbourhood.  That vampires - white vampires, no less - are the ones gentrifying against an otherwise very multicultural cast, it has some heightened concerns for its protagonists that extend beyond just the undead feeding on the living.  Gentrification isn't exclusively a race thing, it's ostensibly a class struggle, and the film, while making a few points that are race-focussed, really hits at the class side of things.  The poor tend to be forgotten, which is what the vamps are hoping for as they turn the Bronx into both a developing venture and a feeding ground.

The young actors in this film are terrific, very charismatic.  The friendship of the three leads (Jaden Michaels, Gerald Jones III, and Gregory Diaz IV) isn't just believable but is actually what the film invests in even more than it's supernatural plot. That one friend is being swayed by a local gang into working for them causes as much strife in the film as the bloodsucking fiends on the loose. The film falls flat though in bringing Coco Jones' Rita into the mix.  She's Michaels' unrequited object d'affection, but once she catches onto what the boys are up to she says the best line in the film: "We're Haitian... my grandmother's been preparing me for this, like, my entire life".  And yet, when it comes down to it, she's sidelined going off to get help.  In some ways, this film can't forget the 80's cliches its inherited for better and worse.

The supporting cast is pretty solid as well, includes Shea Wingham (honestly one of the busiest character actors in showbiz), Method Man, The Kid Mero (Desus and Mero), Jeremie Harris (Legion, Fargo), Chris Redd (Popstar, SNL), and Sarah Gadon (Letterkenny, True Detective).  It's a pretty tight ship, it moves briskly, it's fun and entertaining, and, with the exception of a few flying effects at the end, it looks really good.  I'm game for a sequel where the kids fight Werewolves or CHUDs or something.

But, we have to ask, is it horror?
Yes... ish.  It is basically horror for tweens.  It's a modern-day Monster Squad.  The bad guys are only scary if you've never really seen vampires before.

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What We Do In The Shadows has basically perfected the vampire comedy, but Vamps, coming a few years before the Taika Waititi film, certainly tried to exploit vampire tropes paired with chick flick setups for a laugh to no real success (it basically took in no box office and went direct to video). I hadn't even heard of it until my wife mentioned something about it and the next day I flipped past it on AmazonPrime.  I would like to think it's rare that something from a director as prominent as Amy Heckerling (Fast Times at Ridgemont High, Clueless) would get so buried but it's almost the story of her career (and most other women directors).  That she's also reteaming with he most notable lead Alicia Silverstone as wells as Sigourney Weaver no less in a prominent supporting role makes it a kind of shocking, unbelievable discovery.

I'm certain with now famous Krysten Ritter and Dan Stevens on the top of the logo this will get a definite spike in eyes on the picture, but the problem is not its cast (which also finds Wallace Shawn, Kristen Johnston, Richard Lewis, Malcolm McDowell and Larry Wilmore rounding out some of the major supporting roles).  

It's so unfortunate then that it's just a campy, corny, sloppy comedy and an even worse romance.

Oh sure, Ritter and Stevens spark pretty hard but it's like Heckerling was learning about vampires as she was writing the script and kept throwing in details as they came. The world doesn't feel lived in, and the characters feel generally arbitrary. This is a PG movie (a beheading and all the rat-blood drinking probably pushes it to PG-13 but it's really toothless violence) that seems to think it's doing Sex and the City with vampires, but is more like Caroline in the City with vampires.

The tone for the film is camp, it doesn't take vampires seriously, so the jokes are, as Goody (Silverstone's character) would say, "so cornball". It's not that camp can't be entertaining, and there are moments of that here.  As well, somehow, most of the players manage to rise above the material, but at times it also seems like each scene only had one take before they had to move on, so the joke timing almost always seems off.

Had this been more specifically a horror-romcom, leaning into both genres, rather than a tepid light comedy it could have really been something.

Well, is it horror?
Not even in the slightest, unless you consider star-studded bad movies to be terrifying.

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sweet poster from Bill
Seinkiewicz

I went through a Halloween phase about 20 years ago, watching through all the (rather terrible) spinoffs and continuations of the Michael Meyers saga. The first is an undeniable genre classic, the second a servicable follow-up, the third a curious non-sequitur, with the remainder all being different levels of dross.  I skipped the Rob Zombie remake and sequel, because I don't really like horror enough to sit through a Rob Zombie movie.

But I really like the direction this sequel reboot took, making it a very personal story for Laurie Strode (bravo Jamie Lee Curtis, such a better turn for Laurie than Halloween:H20!). If anything I wish we had spent more time with the troubled Laurie and her even more troubled family dynamics. We kind of got only a superficial taste of their trauma and how it's manifested post '78.

Michael Myers is now old and grey but still just a monstrous beast of a man, a ruthlessly efficient killing machine, that still haunts the town despite his longtime incarceration. Of course he finally gets loose, on Halloween no less, and things get really bloody. The thing that I find a little silly is how much time he has for misdirection (moving a body and stuffing it in a closet) or intimidation (cutting eyeholes out of a bedsheet and putting it over a dead body for someone to find).  But that's genre tropes for you

I like the there are all these people fascinated with trying to figure him out, understand his psychology and motivations...and it gets them all killed. Every time the movie presents an opportunity for Michael to be understood, or perhaps even sympathetic towards someone, nope, it's just someone else who needs to die. It's only his connection to Laurie that really lingers, and it seems it isn't so much personal as it is unfinished business. It appears only little kids and babies are outside his threshold. I feel bad for that kid at the bus crash who just wanted to dance.

It's about as deftly handled sequel/reboot as has been done. It feels like Carpenter's classic but also feels modern, and also feels like the two fit together.  It's far from flawless (it could have done so much more with Laurie's daughter, played by Judy Greer, and those podcasters at the start were kind of a waste of time, all said and done) but I enjoyed it a lot.

But, is it horror?
Yeah, it delivers the goods.  Frights and kills aplenty.  I liked the cutaway kills, the ones where either the camera drifts away or doesn't follow Michael, until after the deed is done.  Gordon Green's direction is really sharp throughout, and doesn't get too cutesy or clever.  The deaths we do see are supposed to have more impact by not cleanly seeing the less relevant ones.

Toasty's take. We Agree!

 

31 Days of Halloween: After Midnight

 2019, Jeremy Gardner, Christian Stella (The Battery) -- download

Described as a romantic monster movie, this one returned us to WTF mode.

Hank's girlfriend left him, suddenly and mysteriously. So, now he sits on the sofa, or in the bar he owns, lost in misery and, well, also fighting off a monster that is scratching on his door. Girl problems. Monster problems. Things not going his way.

At first we are not sure where the movie wants to go. Did he kill his GF? Is she the monster? Is he just insane? His friends are worried about him, and there is definitely scratches on the door. But is it just local wildlife or something unnatural.

The movie is rather delightful in the way it deals with Hank, who is more than a bit of a redneck, a schlub and maybe a little creepy. But we are meant to like him and his monster problems. Then the movie does a quick turn left, and Abby reappears. In fact, the romantic aspect of the movie emerges, as we learn why she left, and there is a brilliant bit of acting between the two leads, as she relates her relationship woes to Hank, how her life didn't go as planned, how she never wanted to end up "trapped" in the small town they live. Hanks hears her, somewhat. Afterwards, the couple throw a small welcome back party, where Hank finally relaxes on all the reasons Abby left and sings her a sweet song. 

And then he is attacked by the monster. Yup, there was a monster. No psychological horror, no metaphor or allegory, just a weird looking humanoid monster that Hank kills with the antlers of a deer he has mounted on his wall. Monster dead, Hank proposes.

WTF indeed.

31 Days of Halloween: The Beach House

 2019, Jeffrey A Brown (location manager for a TON of movies) -- download

"OK" ... it might not be good writing, that I would start many a sentence with this, but as this blog was always supposed to be a reflection of Kent and I sitting at the back of a bus talking about movies, it would be appropriate for me to start a conversation this way... so it stands.

OK, at it's core, this was the body horror alien creature from the depths movie that I hoped Sea Fever would have been. In my head canon, they might have been set in the same world, as they were both about "alien" lifeforms (both bioluminescent jellyfish-life forms) emerging from the depths of the ocean to cause (possibly) catastrophic effects on the surface world.

Where is Aquaman when you need him.

The movie begins with Emily (Liana Liberato, If I Stay) and Randall (Noah le Gros, The Get Down) arriving at his father's beach house on some remote seasonal beachfront sand spit. The place is pretty empty. But the house is not. Mitch (Jake Weber, Dawn of the Dead), a friend of Randall's father is staying there, with his ailing wife Jane (Maryann Nagel). The two couples, one my own age, one much younger, are tense at first, but settle in, despite the two pairs already dealing with their own complications.

During a night where Randall breaks out some pretty strong edibles, the night is lit up with bioluminescent ... something. Its not just in the beach and in the water, but also floating through the air, and clinging to the plant life on the shore. I am sure if Emily wasn't so stone, she would have been more concerned, as she is studying organic chemistry and the origins of life. This is unnatural in the nth degree. Jane, also being rather stone, wanders out into the blue lit grove of trees, panicking her husband, and returning with an immense cough. Hackles are risen.

The next day, the beach shows no signs of the blue glow from the night before. Jane is decidedly not well, and Mitch is nowhere to be found. Randall and Emily go to the beach to relax, but we the viewer know there won't be much time for relaxation. Mitch reappears, but walks into the water, disoriented and seemingly still stoned. He just keeps walking. Randall feels ill and, well, its not just puke that comes from him. Emily steps on a jellyfish tentacle, and it does more than sting her, but finds its way under her flesh. The beach is suddenly saturated with giant gyoza jellies, and Jane has turned into a milky eyed zombie crawling towards the young couple. Randall is getting more ill by the moment.

The body horror of the movie was palpable. We know something alien has come from the water, and is .... changing the people. Alas, the movie never really goes anywhere with it. The escape is trying, but literally goes nowhere. There are eerie alerts on the TV, and on the ham radios, of how this is affecting not just the beach here, but the entire coast. And there are further encounters with other rare occupants of the beach front, all horrific and unsettling, but rather than focusing on the horror, the movie wanted to focus on the narcotic nature, the changing brain chemistry as the remaining people are changed... forever.

I enjoyed most of the movie, but while I understand, it was its intent, I didn't buy into the disconnection all the characters felt, as they changed. And the ending just seemed to dispense with much of the backstory it spent a lot of time building, for naught.

31 Days of Halloween: The Pale Door

2020, Aaron B Koontz (Camera Obscura) -- download

Was there a pale door in this movie? I don't recall ever seeing one, nor connecting with any reference to one. If it was there, and able to slip by me, then maybe it wasn't done all that well. Which is the best description of this horror-western.

The Dalton Gang rides again, to rob a train laden with riches. Leader Duncan (Zachary Knighton, Magnum PI), his tag along little brother, and the rest of the murderous crew expect to find a lockbox full of gold, but instead find a pretty young thing all dolled up like Hannibal Lector. If you find a girl, chained and gagged, and locked in a chest protected by at least ten gun toting Pinkerton agents, best leave the girl in the box. But she promises them a reward, so off they go.

They arrive at the newly built set in the wood, no mud, no dust, just houses and shops made to look old, but obviously new; I mean, not even the grass was trodden down. I liked to think that the mystery behind the Girl in the Box would explain that, in story, but no, it was just sloppy production. Cue the rest of the sloppiness. 

The rest of the movie plays out like a bunch of cosplayers of the weird-western RPG Deadlands as the women (and only women; first hint!!) of the Girl in the Box's town turn out to be witches, witches long ago burned at the stake, but somehow still alive, occasionally glamoured to look like whores, but usually scrabbling about on the ceiling like spiders. After some initial bang bang, claw claw, dead cowboys, and plenty of shot-dead witches, the survivors collect in the church. If the witches cannot go into a church, why have they let it stand in their town? Who knows...

To be fair, the performances were pretty B-Movie decent, and the actors committed to their roles, but wooo-weee pardner, the directing and editing was Z-Grade. There is some feeble attempts at backgrounds and motivations, continuously interrupted by scrabbling burned witches, or looming ravens, but the movie goes nowhere and we just don't care.

P.S. It started with a "presented by Joe R Lansdale" which means what, exactly? Almost felt like there should have been an opening monologue where he uses a quote and mentions a pale door. Alas, I did not see anything that hinted of his influence, except maybe his brother helping write the movie.

31 Days of Halloween: Scare Me

 2020, Josh Ruben (Adam Ruins Everything) -- download

Don't they say that any movie that is written by, directed by, and starring the same person is to be avoided? If they don't say it, then its something that horror movies that meta discuss how horror movies are made, would say. Maybe even this movie said it, but I don't recall exactly.

I guess that should be one of the tropes of this year's reviews -- the eventual loss of what I was watching, because it is becoming one giant blur. Not because we are trying to watch a movie every night, but more because 2020 has been one long, giant binge in front of the TV. When I am not at work, and not sleeping, we are likely in front of the TV. What else is there to do? Where else is there to go? Don't answer that.

Fred (Josh Ruben; see above) is renting a cabin the woods so he can get some writing done. After a brief encounter with the most annoying Uber driver in the world, he sits down to do what every struggling writer does -- stare at the empty space on his laptop screen. That goes no where so he goes jogging (not really; he's not good at that either) and runs into Fanny (Aya Cash, The Boys) who turns out to be another writer renting a cabin, doing some writing, with the painful difference in that she has already written a best-selling horror novel.

Back in the cabin, the power goes out as Fred attempts to recharge his laptop, and in the darkness Fanny shows up. She's loud, brash, arrogant, full of herself and utterly dismissive of Fred. She's an asshole, basically, but instead of kicking her to the snowy curb, he gives into her desire to spend the night telling each other scary stories.

This is where the movie shines, as the two talk out their stories, and the movie meta adds in details, via familiar horror tropes like lighting or sound or shadows, even a creepy werewolf claw. Its terrible fun (in the good sense!) and Fanny eventually softens, as the two get into their own stories, doing voices and acting out the bits. But always there is the hint of Fred's insecurity & anger and Fanny's arrogance & superiority. But it is also very clear, Fred may love horror but he is not a good writer, not even a truly passionate one, and Fanny is smart, intelligent and passionate about her subject matter, and the desire to elevate it.

The third act introduces a fanboy for Fanny, a pizza guy (Chris Redd, Saturday Night Live) who joins in on the fun, taking part in the merriment as he lets the rest of his deliveries go cold. That's where things get chilling, as you can see Fred being excluded, and that's where the movie starts hinting at a conclusion to this story. And that conclusion entirely lost Marmy, as it strayed away from the fantastical fun making, and into real, true-to-life horror.

**spoilers**

Fred's insecurity was already on his sleeve, but as long as he was someone's focus, he seemed stable enough. When Carlo the pizza guy seemingly stole his spotlight, the werewolf inside him emerged. This was incel level misogyny. Skillfully told, the tale turns entirely from comedic fun, to chilling. Fred doesn't kill her, but even the threat of it was gut wrenching.

Aya Cash, who already rankled me as the white supremacist "super hero" in The Boys is on point as Fanny. She's mean, but funny, smart with biting wit. Once she warms to Fred's schoolboy take on horror, she actually improves upon his ideas. That actually proves to be her undoing, at least in the eyes of Fred, as she takes notes from their gameplay, obviously hoping to apply them to her next success. I really liked what this movie made me feel, even if it didn't always keep my attention. 

31 Days of Halloween: Critters Attack!

 2019, Bobby Miller (The Cleanse) -- download

The original Critters movie(s) is something I remember fondly, but not with any strong recollection as to why. I do recall it being rather witty, if terribly stupid and gory. And the idea of these badly controlled puppet-like, evil versions of Fizzgig from The Dark Crystal still make me grin. We also heard, which I have to remind myself, should have been ignored because there is no worse judge of horror movies than horror movie fans, that it was a decent movie.

Drea and Phillip live with their uncle, the bumbling, drunken but good hearted Sheriff. Drea really wants to go to the same university her mom attended, and Phillip is obsessed with aliens. Then a shooting star, then another and yes, real aliens (critters) that pop out of their metal cannisters and start eating people immediately. After some unexpected encounters, Drea, her brother and the kids she was babysitting end up at the university, trying to defend themselves from the ever growing hoard of roley-poley fur balls of teeth. With some unexpected help from a character from previous movies, Dee Wallace (E.T. The Extraterrestial), they defeat the monsters.

Was it good? Gawds no. Was it terrible? Probably... but it was kind of fun, and to be honest, I was rather impressed with Tashiana Washington, played Drea. She just put more into that role than it deserved, providing a fuller character than most A-List movies have. I was hoping that they might take advantage of some of the 21st century movie making technologies, and create a less cute, and more scary monster, but who was I kidding, they had no money, and the nostalgic love for the bad practical effects is probably what got this movie made.

31 Days of Halloween: VFW

 2019, Joe Begos (Almost Human) -- download

"Fangoria presents."

That should be a pretty decent indicator of a horror movie, if somewhat gory, right? Nah, let's just go with gory and be satisfied. And yet I got myself a somewhat satisfactory experience; not quite the creative indie movie of the 90s calibre, but at least a fun romp with realized characters.

I considered the movie being set in the early days of the same world as Dredd. Its a dark near future where the world is getting worse, and the narcotics are getting more evil. Fred (Stephen Lang, Avatar) runs a bar for his VFW (veterans of foreign wars) buddies, and pretty much nobody else. They happen to be across the parking lot of a structure controlled by a drug dealer and the multitude of addicts, people lost to the drug in almost a zombie or mutant level addiction. When Lizard, the sister of a murdered addict, absconds with a bag full of the drug, hiding in the bar, things go full on Assault on Precinct 13.

Fred and his buddies are old, grotty soldiers from various 20th century wars. You get the feel this is an alternate early 21st century, maybe now, but things are much much worse than even 2020 can dish out. When the addicts begin attacking, its brutal, gory and utterly nasty -- blood, body parts and heads chopped galore. The film makers had a ball making this movie, and Fangoria must have been gleeful to be a part of it.

Is it horror? No. Is it Halloween? Of course, because one of the traditions is doing buckets of blood, and this would have felt right at home on VHS. All the aging B actors (William Sadler, Fred Williamson, Martin Kove, David Patrick Kelly, George Wendt) are a bunch of fun to watch, all familiar faces who do their darndest to defend their buddies, and celebrate Fred's birthday. And, of course, fight another deadly battle before they go to that VFW in the sky. Is it good? Hell no. Is it fun? Hell yes!

31 Days of Halloween: Relic

 2020, Natalie Erika James (a number of shorts) -- download

Kay (Emily Mortimer, Shutter Island) and Sam (Bella Heathcote, Pride and Prejudice and Zombies) come to the Australian countryside to deal with Kay's elderly mother having gone missing. The old woman lives alone in a house on the family land. After a few days of stress, stress you can see Kay doesn't want to be dealing with, Edna (Robyn Nevin, Cleverman) reappears with no explanation, and no real awareness of the furor she caused. They all try to recover, while thinking about what to do with Edna next.

I get it, the movie was primarily focused on the extreme difficulties between a woman who did not get along with her mother, for reasons never explained nor really requiring one, as the woman enters the dangerous stages of dementia. That was the core horror. And this aspect of the movie was well handled, uncomfortable yet not judgmental from any's point of view. Alas, the actual horror aspects were not as well done.

Sorry, let me rephrase that. The production values and execution were well done, but the story... well, it turns out there is no story, just weird events that culminate on a confounding resolution, if you could even call it that. While dealing with her mother's return which is mixed with antipathy and upset, they begin to notice that something is not entirely right with her mother, or the house. A black mold is growing, centred around a stained glass insert, something that is supposed to be all that is left from the original homesteading on the land. Kay is having nightmares about that homesteading. And then Sam goes looking for something in the hoarder style closet in Edna's bedroom. That is when things get interesting, only to even more quickly derail.

So, the house is being affected by the relic, the stained glass insert. Corrupted TARDIS perhaps, with halls that twist and turn and go up and down beyond the confines of the house. Sam gets lost, and we suspect that is where Edna disappeared too. At the same time, Kay notices the bruises on her mother have expanded, more like the black mold beginning to seep into everything in the house. Is there something in the house, in the creepy hallways, with them? Maybe. All that is forgotten when Kay comes stumbling into the inescapable hallways to find her daughter, and to escape her mother who is ... morphing? No longer her mother and being replaced by something? Who knows, but it is effectively creepy, it just has no basis in the story, no mythology, not even a hint.

Finally the two women escape from the hallways and her not-mother, only for Kay to turn around and carry the peeling, rotting, cracking creature up to her bedroom. What she peels out from under her mother's skin is not human, maybe not even female, but she treats it with all the gentleness & forgiveness she seemingly never gave her mother. 

Why? Why would someone be gentle with a monster, especially with something that came out of her mother, like an evil black butterfly from the chrysalis? There is nothing to grasp at her, no details for my storyteller mind to fill in. We are left just going, "Huh? Huh..." And that stained glasses insert? Its point, its part in all of this? Nope, no idea. And what happened in the homestead? No idea, no guesses.

31 Days of Halloween: I See You

 2019, Adam Randall (iBoy) -- download / Amazon

This movie almost felt like watching two, maybe three different movies, wherein the different acts of the film take on the different perspectives they are formed from. More a psycho thriller than an outright horror, it never really lets you know this until deep in the movie. 

The movie opens on family tension. The music is atonal often discordant, telling us this is going to be a weird movie. Expectations are set, and established, as the family: Jackie (Helen Hunt, Mad About You), her husband Greg (John Tenney, True Detective) and their son Connor (Judah Lewis, The Babysitter) are terse with each other, downright unfair at times. Later, we find it is because she had an affair. Greg is a cop, who suddenly has to deal with the disappearance of two boys, likely by a re-emerger serial killer from the town's past. Everything about this setup is upsetting and unsettling, especially as things start happening in the family home: strange shadowy figures, things going missing, odd sounds. It all culminates when the man Jackie had an affair with shows up, seemingly drunk and demanding, only to be murdered in their basement. They believe Connor did it, and bury the body in the woods. As if this family didn't have enough stress.

*spoilers*

And then we shift.

Suddenly we are seeing through a video camera, as two phroggers, like squatters, except they hide in your house while you are there, only emerging when its safe to come out, move into Jackie and Greg's house. Alec (Owen Teague, It) and Mindy (Libe Barer, Sneaky Pete) are filming their activity hoping to make some YouTube money. But Alec isn't as cautious as Mindy, proving to be the shadowy figure, and responsible for all the strange activity in the house both while the couple are there, and while they are away. Even Mindy is getting worried, as Alec begins to act more and more unhinged. While this goes on, the music style has changed, the camera work has changed, we are almost in a different movie. Our expectations have had to shift.

And shift again. The murder is explained, as is so much. But not everything, nor does it need to be.

I will not dive into, leaving something for you to learn, but suffice, I did not see it coming until much of the plans had been laid out for me. And that, on top of everything else, made me like this movie. I like seeing the unexpected, not knowing what would and could happen next.

As a final note, while not really related to the movie itself, I was oft distracted early in the movie by the cosmetic surgery Helen Hunt displayed. To me, the utter unnatural look almost added a body horror element to the movie. I don't want to judge, and I cannot walk in her shoes, but I cannot subscribe to this trend that replaces the natural look of aging with looking intensely inhuman.

Also of note, the poster depicts a frog (phrog?) mask, not a monkey.

31 Days of Halloween: Sea Fever

2019, Neasa Hardiman (Jessica Jones) -- download

The premise I was sold on this movie, reading another blog, was body-horror and a The Thing style invasive species. Yeah, not so much. What we got was a decently done, rather straight forward infection movie with some monstrous, otherworldly aspects. Alas, by the third act, the movie derailed itself by having the characters acting in ludicrous fashion, which was not at all related to the "sea fever" the movie is named for.

Siobhán is a college student, quiet and nervous, an on-the-spectrum researcher so stereotypical in scientists in pop culture. She is assigned to an Irish fishing trawler, a beat up, down on its luck boat making some money by allowing her on board, to study marine behavioural anomalies in the fishing industry. The captain ignores warnings of an "exclusion zone" and sails into those waters, because he and his crew need a good catch. But it is them that are caught, by an unknown creature, all jelly-fish with tentacles that ooze through their hull.

That was the movie I was hoping for, but it so quickly strays from that. The giant jellyfish lets them go, but not before it infects their water with wee parasites. Wounded Johnny gets infected, gets sick and then his eyes explode. Poor Johnny. And poor Siobhán who was getting over her anti-socialness for his manly fisherman appeal. The rest of the crew freaks out, naturally.

The problem is the further reaction. You would think a scientist would want to get to shore ASAP, so they could be isolated and tested and research performed --- you know, sciency type stuff that saves their lives? But no, she goes down the watery apocalypse path, a page taken from the Alien series, where "if this thing gets to land, it will end the world". Why? Nothing they experienced showed it was mass migrating. If so, it would only be a matter of time before the big jelly parasite mama reached shallow waters and spread onto land.

In the end, the remaining crew, burn the boat and are left in a lifeboat. When they see another vessel approaching, they are all joyous, despite Siobhán's earlier desire to avoid all civilization. Bleah. Just bleah. So, despite the decent performances, and a closed room environment I really liked, the movie just disappointed me.

31 Days of Halloween: Boar

 2017, Chris Sun (Charlie's Farn) -- download

On Top Horror Movie lists! Alas lists that suck. This movie sucked.

The premise to this creature feature is pretty thin. There is a big boar in the Australian outback, tearing down fences and eating livestock. Big as a fucking rhino, to quote one character. And that's it. No nuclear waste seeping into the water supply, no top secret government experiments, no Aboriginal legend of a vengeful monster. Nope, just a big (BIG!) murderous pig.

But no, not just a pig. This was a fucking ninja pig! This thing can hide behind grass hillocks on a gently rolling hillside. This thing can quietly flank a victim, before it appears silently behind them, and only then thunder to the attack. This thing can walk through a dense forest all sneaky like, to stare at the victims with its one wonky eye, to best choose when to eat the hapless campers.

If it wasn't for some engaging characters and half ways decent acting, I would have suggested turning it off. I kept on waiting for the movie to go somewhere, and should have realized that when they killed the Awesome Aussie character (grizzled, experienced woodsman grampa) it was not worth watching. But we persevered until said grampa's daughter slammed into the boar with her truck rescuing the uncharacteristically alive main character family members -- seriously though, one was dragged into the grass (remember, this 11 feet high thing can hide in grass) but ... survived.

The best part of the movie? The list of 40+ "bar patrons" in the credits! This list went on and on, even though the watering hole scene showed a bar that could make hold a dozen people. 

31 Days of Halloween: Love and Monsters

 2020, Michael Matthews (Five Fingers for Marseilles) -- Netflix

OK, light hearted, not at all horror, but MONSTERS. Sure, comedic teen PoAp monsters, but monsters nonetheless. So it fits. As long as I use a shoe horn and some lube. Shaddup you.

So, an asteroid is hurtling towards the Earth and we shoot rockets to destroy it, and the remaining particles of said space rock rain down and turn everything into monsters? Nope, funnily enough the radiation and byproducts of the rockets themselves spill down onto the Earth mutating all cold blooded, insectile, etc. life into MONSTERS ! Quickly; some might say, I say instantly. This is comic book maybe even cartoon level science, but sure, whatever -- premise!  Handy wavey!

The night it happens, teens Joel (Dylan O'Brien, Maze Runner) and Aimee (Jessica Henwick, Iron Fist) are making out during the rain of goo and have to each run off to their separate families, promising to reconnect when possible. Seven years later, Joel is sharing a missile silo bunker with paired off couples, no family, no Aimee. He's a bit of a third wheel in all aspects of bunker life. So, after making contact with Aimee on the ham radio, he decides to go upstairs into the monster infested wilderness to find Aimee at her colony. 

Road story!

I know it's probably me, but I always see my own love of PoAp and the varying bits of pop culture associated to it, attached in some way to modern tales. In Kipo and the Age of the Wonderbeasts I saw  Gamma World. Here I saw some Gamma World (quick re-evolution of wildlife) and even some Fallout -- I swear I saw the exact junk you would collect in Fallout 4 sitting on a table in one of the abandoned houses Joel hides in. I sincerely think a set dresser was giggling to themselves as they made the choices.

After some initial "run & hide" Joel connects, first with Boy, a good dog looking for a companion, and perhaps the owner of a red dress, and then later with knowledgeable travellers, Cap (Michael Rooker, Guardians of the Galaxy) & Minnow. They provide him the survival skills to make it the rest of the way to the coast, where he finds an older, wiser Aimee protecting a group of seniors, and not quite ready to pick up where the couple left off.

Despite the title, I didn't really care much for the romcom aspects of the movie, and it was a little light on really roping us in. It really did just want to have fun with the different monsters, the gooey practical effects and the thrill rides, and in that aspect it succeeds. Its not a great movie, but fun, and decently produced. And totally Halloweeny, yep uh huh, it is!

31 Days of Halloween: Some More TV...

We binged through The Haunting of Bly Manor, enjoying every moment of it, reminding me once again why I love Mike Flanagan. He is a man constantly re-working his craft, learning and expanding on what he is doing, not repeating but fine tuning. Like an artist who paints the same subject matter again and again, exploring more themes and techniques through familiar imagery, Flanagan delights me by re-visiting the same fear and sorrow and tragedy he does in many of his horror movies. Unlike Shyamalan, who failed (in audiences' viewpoint) when he didn't provide a satisfactory twist, Flanagan has a style of story telling that I gravitate towards.

So, we know well that Bly Manor is haunted, but we do not know exactly how much it is so thoroughly full of ghosts. Of course, like the first series, each and every ghost has its reasons for being there, but there is an anchor, a tie that binds them to the house. And that tie is the true heart of the horror in this show.

As the story moves on, we become very attached to the "living" characters. Gentle Owen, whose mother is dying with dementia. Distracted, but attentive housekeeper Hannah Grose. Sensitive Flora and Miles, who are more aware and more connected to the ghosts than anyone. And Jamie, who prefers plants to people, but Dani has caught her eye, if she can only get past Dani's personal tragedy. We even get to understand some of the ghosts, and despite their terrible terrible intentions, we at least understand them, if not sympathize. And Dani, of course, the central focus (as Nell was before her), who seems destined to doom. Or at least tragedy.

There is much world building here, as Flanagan likes pseudo-explanations for his supernatural. We spent much of the time putting together the puzzle pieces, bemoaning the things we anticipated and then being torn once they came to fulfillment. By the end I was very satisfied, and very sad. I don't binge often, but this was worth it.

And then there was some catchup on Lovecraft Country (which should be in a What I Have Been Watching post on its own) which is reworking the book in some surprising and even more enthralling ways. If the book was supposed to tell the tales of black folk in the 50s mixed up in the evil magics of white folk from the 50s, then the show is about how the main characters, and the culture they come from, has gained so much strength and power from their histories & stories (that the book barely touched on), that not even Cthulhu-ian monsters and evil magics can stop them from protecting those they love. 

If The Watchmen took some historical events that few white folk know about, and used them to educate, this show is making many an episode a time for education and reminders. And the thematic music pieces, poetry readings and almost monologuing historical recordings, speeches and such, makes me wonder if there is an Annotations webpage out there, that can further elucidate to the less than aware of us.

I also love how the show is expanding on the mythology of what is happening, adding more monsters, more magic and letting the ideas spread their wings. Some fly, some falter, but everything is fascinating. I hope, that they don't sputter and fall, as I found the book had.

Finally, we started watching Helstrom, a show that I cannot honestly understand how they pitched. But maybe its because I am not aware of more recent renditions of Marvel's Son of Satan. Yes, Marvel did a comic based around a man born of Satan himself, a demi-being with demonic powers, but a mortal's moral compass. And a superhero aesthetic. Did later Marvel stories go down the expected horror aspect of this background? Maybe, but I came into this green.

At the outset, this reminds me of the two shows from last year, Evil and Prodigal Son, which both failed soon our of the gate, for me. Damon Helstrom, the titular son of Satan, and his sister Ana are the children of a serial killer. And the children of a mother, possessed and long institutionalized. Damon plays pseudo-exorcist but cares little for the trappings of the Church, as he just has powers. Ana also has powers but seems to be using them for her own gain, monetarily, as well as punishment of evil men. The siblings do not get along.

But then something connected to the demon inside their mother escapes, or is released or... these shows like their mysteries, where people hide important details from each other, when just having a good sit down would help everyone. I don't care if you have epic level family drama, when there is Evil (capital E) involved, set it aside and just talk.

I rather liked the first few eps we have watched, and have not bothered caring whether they are going to connect to some expanded Marvel alternate universe. This could be a fun show unless it gets far too wrapped up in the stretching-out-the-mystery until the last episode bullshit most supernatural shows do. We shall see. It was released in a one full season on Hulu, so we have an opportunity to watch as the time goes by.

31 Days of Halloween: Blood Quantum

 2019, Jeff Barnaby (Rhyme for Young Ghouls) -- download

At least once during the season, I have to put on a zombie movie. Most are bad, some are terrible and occasionally we get something inventive or at done with good intent, if some style. Last year's Les Affamés, from Quebec, was better than most, but what I enjoyed the most about it, was the small moments, the focus on characters and their reactions. Not what most zombie fans would want, but Blood Quantum (named for the colonial era, and later, rules on what amount of "blood" was required to be considered indigenous), set also in Quebec, is exactly what the Fandom would want --- blood, violence and relentless death. And yet, it wasn't terrible.

The elevator pitch is what got this movie going -- it takes place on the Red Crow Reservation, a Mi’gmaq community on one side of a river, with a not-indigenous community on the other. The indigenous folk are not affected by whatever causes the zombie plague, despite it carrying to fish and dogs and white men. Very quickly Traylor, tribal police chief, rescues his family and others, and pulls them to safety, as the town on the other side of the river falls to the hungry dead.

Six months after the fall of civilization, Traylor, ex-husband of Joss, father of Joseph, son of Gisigu (the katana wielding zen warrior). is running a compound that protects his people and any white survivors they can rescue. But Lysol, Joseph's brother by way of ... Traylor (?) is angry, so very angry. Charged with protecting the community, he questions whether saving and protecting whitemen is in their best interest, as at any moment one infected person could turn the rest of them and endanger all the members of the community, white or not. There is also his post-colonial anger towards white people, something a movie focused on (and created by) indigenous folk cannot ignore. His fury is genuine and righteous, if not his choices. And his own fury leads to what he is warning people about, not caring who falls in his stead.

As a zombie movie, this is definite bleak and violent and tragic. There may be shining heroes in the story, but they don't last long, nor do they persevere. But the pace and dialogue is solid, and the world building is some of the best in recent years. I was surprised when the story took the 6-months-later turn, providing us some PoAp to the zed apocalypse. Alas, I am not sure how onboard I was with how fucking bleak it got. Maybe its just Walking Dead fatigue, maybe its just 2020 fatigue, but... wow, almost everyone dies. But I suspect that was the point, that for some people (or peoples) things don't ever turn out well.

P.S. Good interview with director Jeff Barnaby.

31 Days of Halloween: Luz

 2018, Tilman Singer (The Events at Mr. Yamamoto's Alpine Residence) -- download

Season of the WTF continues with this German flick that is pretty apparent it was the director's film school thesis as it is equal parts pretentious as Hell, and amateurish, but not always in a bad way. Of course, critics somewhat liked it, perhaps seeing more of his future potential or the sincerity the movie is done with, rather than its lack of polish.

Luz walks into a ... place. We are supposed to believe it is a police station, but there is nothing official about it, from the almost mute inattentive man at reception to the total lack of activity to the interview room that looks more like a school viewing room than something in a police station. But Luz walks in, confesses to something, and has to have a psychiatrist brought in to assist.

Said psychiatrist is sitting in a grotty little bar, with only one other patron, a randy disheveled woman who buys him drinks (what were they? cloudy drink has sugar added, is added to blue drink and POOF its now pink) and tells him a tale of a disturbed experience in a Chillean boarding school involving abusive priests and possible demonic possession. And then she drags him into the bathroom stall to ... possess him and leave behind the damaged body of the woman.

Later, in the interview auditorium, there is a novel act played out, given the movie's lack of budget, where the psychiatrist hypnotizes Luz, and sets up a play-taxi cab for her to sit in. Under his spell, she tells her tale of having picked up the woman from the bar, in her cab, and the two recognize each other from Chile, from the boarding school they attended.

Ahh, so the demon is following Luz for some reason, some connection from the past, some eerie thing that keeps the bond across years and distance. But what is it?

Should we expect explanation? Maybe. What we get instead is art house mania, that at times felt more like horror movie via grainy film and interpretive dance. There is requisite gore, and scary scenes, but in a movie that is just over an hour, there is no real story. I could see potential in what Singer may be trying to do, but really, I never bought into it. It was weird for weird's sake, that could have communicated more, but didn't really want to.

31 Days of Halloween: Host

 2020. Rob Savage (Strings) -- download

Finally, something that was not only tightly done, well scripted & acted but also EXTREMELY timely, as it all takes place during the 2020 Lockdown, on Zoom. Yes, the horror movie via webcam has been done before, but not with so much of its viewing populace having recently used the platform for pretty much the same reasons the characters in the movie did -- to reconnect with their friends while all stuck at home. But, I wonder how many have actually run a seance...

Haley arranges the seance between her and five friends, and a spiritual leader Seylan. Despite the at hand booze, and a Room full of sceptics, Hayley asks one thing -- take it seriously. We can see there is already some tension between the friends, but that is to be expected amongst a largish crowd of 20sumthins who have been locked indoors for a couple of months by now. The movie, based on the meeting details, is set in July, 2020.

One of the girls mocks the spirits, which according to Seylan is the wrong thing to do. When you lie about the spirits, it can give a gateway to dark things, demonic things that won't follow the rules and only have malevolence in mind. It starts mildly enough; noises and lights, and a sliding chair. But things quickly escalate. This is one fucking violent spirit that tosses the girls about, one by one, smashing them and anyone around them like rag dolls until... the Zoom meeting ends.

I loved how it mixed the technological aspects of the movie into a tight, quickly resolved plot. Free Zoom meetings can only be 40 minutes, and the movie runs just over an hour. Some of the girls are using laptops, some their phones, which changes perspective and interaction. There is no soundtrack, bad camera work (front cams suck) and LOTS of eerie darkness. And then there is that yellow labeled bottle at the centre of the screen that begs to have an eye kept on it. The movie had some very good scares, not an empty ounce of jump scare, using every scary element to its fullest.

While this may be accused of being just another found footage style film, it really does do an effective scary movie while acknowledging its predecessors. That one girl spends much of her time under a blanket seeking protection harkens back to the tent scene in the ff original, Blair Witch Project. And some of those barely scene images of the evil spirit are so obviously inspired by those viral videos that had the horrid face inserted, to scare kids and parents alike, with their false connections. I can see this movie becoming a favourite of teenage girl sleepovers, well once sleepovers are a thing people are allowed to have. Zoom's having a banner year, so it should still be around by then.

31 Days of Halloween: The Babysitter: Killer Queen

 2020, McG (Termination Salvation) -- Netflix

We rather liked the first movie McG did in this world, which ended in a bit of an opening to lead into this movie. Bee, the killer babysitter was trapped beneath the rubble of the house, after Cole slammed his neighbour's muscle car into the house, and her. But in the last second, no body is found. Cliffhanger!

So, its two years later and Cole has grown up as adolescents do. Alas, he is the Weird Kid now, as no evidence of the mayhem his evil babysitter led was ever found, so all the authorities and his family know is that he went nuts and crashed a car into a house. I guess she was able to escape with all the bodies as well. Skilled girl. Poor Cole is considered a clinically insane, or at least damaged, to his classmates and his parents, under constant supervision and chemical adjustment.

*spoilers*

Cole (Judah Lewis, CSI: Cyber) and Melanie (Emily Alyn Lind, Criminal Minds), the girl he didn't get (next door neighbour, not Bee), end up at a lake party followed by Phoebe (Jenna Ortega, CSI: NY), the new kid, also a weird kid. Of course, partying with the popular kids, the mean kids, is never even a good idea, even if one was your first kiss. Because, of course, the Cult of Bee never went away. Oh, they all died, but since when do Satanists let them stop them. Now Melanie leads, and she is murdering and sacrificing and summoning all the annoying killers from the first movie, including Shirtless Max (Robbie Amell, Arq) and Shot to the Boob Allison (and you're to blame; Bella Thorne, Assassination Nation). Begin the chase!

There is little on explanation or actual tension, just your classic gore and humour of a teen horror movie, but it was worth a few chuckles. As sequels go, it was acceptable. Except when it went the way of redemption. Not sure why they thought it was a good idea that Bee (Samara Weaving, Bill & Ted Face the Music) comes back from Hell regretting what she did to Cole, and saving him instead of dooming him. But rah rah yay, everyone is saved and all the bad guys go back to Hell, and Cole gets some. Cuz, you know, in a teen movie, that is primary.

31 Days of Halloween: Come to Daddy

 2019, Ant Timpson (producer Housebound, Turbo Kid) -- download

So, New Zealand producer/director doing a movie set in the US, but shot (and obviously) in BC. This is becoming a rather familiar choice, isn't it? I'm sorry, its not like there is a venn diagram of New Zealand, America and BC, but I meant more of the "little from column A, little from column B..." concept of making movies these days.

So, yeah, Norval (what a name; Elijah Wood, Sin City) comes to a beach house in the middle of nowhere, a perfectly splendid woodsy architecture novel that doesn't even have a stairway leading up to its precipitous doorway. And Daddy Dearest (exceedingly vampiric looking Stephen McHattie, Pontypool) answers the door. Apparently he sent Norval a letter inviting them to reconcile after the abandonment some 30 years prior. But DD is a dick, in the highest degree. He won't tell Norval why he actually invited him, nor is it the warmest reunion. And that it ends with an attempted murder and subsequent coronary, is of no surprise. That the small town coroner embalms DD and gives him back to Norval is rather an eyebrow riser. And while Norval gets to deal with the death of his long lost father, and the dead body nearby, he begins hearing clanging and banging and scraping and other sounds from the cellar that does seem to exist.

That is the horror, as we begin to unravel what this movie could actually be about. Was DD a psycho? Is he now a ghost? Is Norval insane, a psycho himself, because you can make tons of assumptions based on his uber-hipster faux artiste look (seriously, it's a hideous look). And then the reveal...

The movie instantly shifts gears from mystery and perhaps horror to schlocky black comedy, as its revealed the noise is not a ghost or monster, but actual Long Lost Daddy (Martin Donovan, Ant-Man) who was chained up by his criminal ex-buddies, after they finally tracked him down. You see, 30 years ago, when he abandoned Norval and his mom, his criminal buddies had done a big kidnap job, and LLD absconded with all the money. But they found him, and have been torturing him, and DD was just one of the sociopathic criminals pretending at being DD. Now he's dead and LLD needs help escaping. Alas, there are more criminal ex-buddies.

Holy fucking fuck, the movie somersaults from uncomfortable situations to zany murder in an instant, initiating more "WTF am I watching" from me, which may end up being the theme to 2020's 31 Days. Again, its 2020 so are we surprised? Norval seems to no so much as revel in what LLD has gotten him into, but finds himself truly, really something to live for, as he had been barely hanging on before. Wood is wonderful, Donovan even more so, and the farcical nature of all the killing is worth a chuckle or two, but again, WTF did I just watch.

P.S. How many "glasses of scotch" movie poster is that this year? Three?

31 Days of Halloween: The Haunting of Bly Manor: S01E01: The Great Good Place

 2020, Mike Flanagan (Absentia) - Netflix

Flanagan is doing something rather unexpected with "season 2" of "The Haunting". In fact, it's not Season 2 of anything, but a new series, about a new family, about a new house. Like an artists who paints the same imagery over and over, exploring and re-exploring their ideas, to see where they lead, Flanagan is doing a series with the same tone, and some of the same actors, as the first series but set elsewhere, elsewhen.

Spendid, perfectly splendid, to quote Flora.

I am sure someone more versed in Gothic literature would be able to state to me, the first tale where a young woman is sent to a mysterious manor house in the English countryside, to take care of some eerie children. It is a staple enough of a plot that I am sure I could hunt the archives of this blog series to find at least a couple of examples, as long as we ignore The Boy. But, like in said movie, Dani is an American in the UK, who has answered an advertisement (saying it UK style plz) for an au pair position at Bly Manor, to take care of Flora and Miles. They lost their parents, and then they lost their last governess (suicide) and no else is answering the ad. Their uncle (Henry Thomas, E.T.) hires Dani (Victoria Pedretti, Amazing Stories) to take care of the children.

Dani comes with her own ghosts in tow.

I usually find slow and plodding a drag, as 1.5 hr movies often just repeat old tropes, interspersing them with jump scares, and familiar imagery. Flanagan does use the familiar, and there are some mild jump scares, but they are meant as setup, not baseless misdirection for the sake of someone pulling their toes up onto the sofa. But it's all that is unsaid, that is supposed to be unsettling, and this, he does well.

Once again the house is a primary character, large and lovely on eeries grounds, with mists and shadows and scary waters. Inside she seems larger than on the outside, with wings and halls better left unexplored. But really, who does want to explore them. Something is haunting this house, something that obviously drove the last governess to her death, but we don't know what yet. Yet, the children do know, as knowing children usually do.

Pedretti is not Nell this time, nor should she be. Her Californian accent is somewhat jarring, as are her frumpy 80s mom jeans, but she settles so easily into the role. Walking around the edges are Owen (Rahul Kohli, iZombie) the affable cook, Mrs Grose (T'Nia Miller, Years and Years) the caretaker, and gruff gardener Jamie (Amelia Eve, Enterprice). Everyone knows what happened to Miss Jessel, but no one's talking.

And we are set.

31 Days of Halloween: The Wolf of Snow Hollow

 2020, Jim Cummings (Thunder Road) -- download

What the fuck are we watching? What the fuck did we just watch? This is a very weird movie. Is this supposed to be drama? Horror? Comedy? Black comedy? Farce? These are things that came out of my mouth while watching this ultimately very entertaining movie about a beastly creature killing women in a small ski town in the mountains. But really, all the entertainment value came from Cummings himself, who also starred as interim town Sheriff John Marshall, who has a drinking problem, anger issues and an astounding inability to deal with stress.

When the first pretty blonde is killed, literally torn apart, Marshall is already dealing with his father (Robert Forster, Mulholland Drive) who won't step down from Sheriff despite a very obvious heart issue. Having to deal with a horrific murder is not helping either men. From almost the get go, things go awry as Marshall deals with the locals (all buffoons), the press (all blaming the police for ineptitude) and his own staff, who keep on saying & doing inappropriate things, all except Officer Robson (Riki Lindhome, Knives Out), the perpetual straight man of the movie, and only capable person. After another woman & child are horrifically killed, many believe the town has a werewolf problem.

The movie keeps you unbalanced, no not as unbalanced as Marshall who gets worse and worse as time goes by, firing people, shouting at everyone, resuming his alcoholism and just behaving in a manner that serves no one. I am not sure if Cummings was doing comedy, or acting badly, but the way he played Marshall is hilarious and weird, as the anger he exhibits seems to come from a place lacking any emotion, just louder and louder, and his dialogue gets longer, and then, abruptly, he just shuts it off. 

In the end it is not a werewolf, which considering the brutality of the attacks, I am still not sure was the real conclusion. Sure, the attacker looked like a guy in a suit, because he was a guy in a suit, but the ferocity and speed with the people are dispatched should have precluded a normal man. And then there was that scene with one of the cops found stuffed into a garbage can, all broken & severed limbs. That death is quickly forgotten about, as the movie rushes to a conclusion. I was left feeling the unhinged nature of the film was reflecting back the unhinged nature of Marshall, and maybe Cummings.

3 Short Paragraphs: Ava

 2020, Tate Taylor (The Help) - download

I am beginning to watch movies around their edges, as I continue to find myself sitting in front of the more digestible choices these days. Given that I am gravitating towards easy plots, I can let my gaze wander to the edges, the character choices, the settings, the off-scenes. For some, it's just second line choices, or maybe set dressing, or setting. But for others, they are deliberate plot choices, just not the A Plot.

Ava is another Women with Guns movie, another assassin for a shady organization not likely directly connected to a government. She's (Jessica Chastain, The Martian) begun questioning why she is doing these jobs -- literally -- taking the time to ask her victims if they feel they deserve what is about to happen. Her handler (John Malkovich, Bird Box) gently tells her she needs to stop, before their agency takes affront with her less than manageable behaviour and "retires" her. Meanwhile, the current boss (Colin Farrell, The Lobster) has her being watched, and despite the handler's assurances, has ordered her death.

That's the A Plot. But the movie was more about Ava taking a break, returning to her home in Boston and confronting the family she ran away from ages ago. We often see assassins as lacking any family, no connections to be exploited, nobody who can be used against them. But Ava has familial hangups, a boyfriend she abandoned without word, a mother she resents because she sided with the father, against Ava, and a sister who just resents Ava got away. This, while an obvious keenly chosen B Plot, was what I liked the most. Sure, Ava may still be deadly as ever, especially when she interferes with ex BF's gambling problems, but she is also the very fucked up product of a shitty family background that could be anyone.

31 Days of Halloween: The Boy

 2016, William Brent Bell (Wer) -- Netflix

We rather enjoyed Wer, his (duh) werewolf movie, but I am rather partial to the hairy beast inside us all. But re-reading my post about another of his horror movies, The Devil Inside (insert guitar riff from INXS), I see he is just not that good at making his movies make sense. And this one followed suit.

So, a young American woman is invited to a remote house in the English countryside (outside Vancouver, actually) with nothing nearby, no cell reception. She's escaping a bad relationship, so running away to the UK to play nanny makes total sense. But seriously, it's Lauren Cohan (The Walking Dead) who is British, so just fucking make her British. This time the purple suited Producers have been replaced by shiny suited Chinese Backers, who state, "But everyone only knows her with an American accent, so make her American." Fuck you Chinese Backers. But fine, whatever, English countryside, fancy house, weird rich people, nanny to a young.... doll? Yeah, weird rich people have a porcelain doll of their dead son, that they pretend is real, and have VERY explicit rules on how he is to be taken care of. OK, maybe a good reason to make her American, as it makes it more difficult for her to say, "Fuck dis crazy ass shit!" and leave.

Crazy rich couple are going away on a vacation, and leaving Lauren in charge. Almost immediately she begins experiencing the weird stuff we know she is going to experience, with childish laughter, things moving around, strange shadows. And instead of running screaming into the night, she once again reviews the rules and ... goes along with them. W... T... F... Why? Sure, accepting there might be a ghost possessing a doll is one thing, but then thinking, "Well, now that I know the real deal, might as well just give in," is another. Add to that a bunch of fake jump scares, and I was just bored/annoyed. I like jump scares that actually make me nervous for the person involved, fake jump scares (it was all a dream !!!) just pisses me off.

And then... Le Twist !!  Quit reading if you give a fuck.

We have been learning a bit more about weird little boy now doll Brahms. He was E(eeeee)vil, having probably bashed a playmate's head in before himself dying in a fire. His parents are afraid of him. So they went on vacation, and drowned themselves, leaving Lauren to take care of the brat. BUT Brahms never died in a fire, he in fact never died at all. There is no haunted doll, its all just fucking terrible misdirection, so we can be introduced to the real kid that haunts the house, a Jason/Michael style psychopath who Lives in the Walls. Oh, FFS. Lauren discovers this, when her abusive ex-BF shows up (in the UK ! from the US !) and tries to convince her (aka demand) to come home with him. He breaks said Porcelain Doll and incurs the wrath of the grown up psycho who Lives in the Walls. Stabby stabby, run run, escape by a narrow thread and .... insert sequel.

Bleah. Not meh, just fucking bleah.

31 Days of Halloween: The Lighthouse

 2019, Robert Eggers (The VVitch) -- Amazon

OK, what the fuck did I just watch. That was a beautiful, loud, disturbing movie that I am just not sure if I got anything from other than being impressed. For one, no, not horror despite the brief glimpses at things better left in other lighthouse movies. This was an arthouse flick about isolation and madness, but to be honest, after surviving 2020, 4 weeks on a rock with a farting, angry madman seems pretty par for the course. The real madness came from what was said, what was not said and a lingering guilt that just ate at him like a seagull picking at an errant french frie.

Winslow (Robert Pattinson, The Batman) has taken a job as lighthouse support under Thomas (Willem Dafoe, Odd Thomas), a maddening, demanding lighthouse keeper whose only joy seems to be the drink, and denying anyone else from seeing the lamp. The job is supposed to last only 4 weeks, guessing it does the job in month long shifts to allow for some mental recovery. But it doesn't take more than 2 weeks for the cracks begin to show behind Winslow's veneer, despite filling his days with hard, hard labour and monotonous tasks. 

There is much sub-text. Much. There is more to these men than this rock allows to be seen. And that is what the movie is about, not the occasional mermaid fantasy (oh, so THAT'S how you have sex with a mermaid), not Shakespearian level acting references to Poseidon, not the random tentacles slithering in the stormy winds. If the movie soars over all, it is in the performances. Wow, Willem Dafoe is never better than when ranting up a barely comprehensible storm of Sea Captain patois. Pattinson is conversely clear and coherent, but perhaps all more the mad man for it.

P.S. Dude, you NEVER dump your bedpan into the wind, everyone knows that.

A Toast to Hallmarkent: Love, Guaranteed

The poster recalls other rom coms
to fool you into thinking
it's a real film. Don't be fooled.

 

 

2020, d. Mark Steven Johnson (netflix)

It had been almost 9 months since I last watched a Hallmark or Hallmark-esque movie. Our T&KSD feature "Xmas Advent Calendar" back in December almost broke my brain, the nail in the coffin was an attempt to watch one in January which lead to a nearly anaphylactic allergic reaction due to my overconsumption.  As a result, I've had a fairly steady diet of mostly "real" movies this year, which has reset my expectations of what makes for quality entertainment. I don't know if I can dip back into the well of Hallmark and its like.  Given that last year's Hallmark output began on Halloween, we're not too far away from the reemergence of that Hallscape.  

I wasn't expecting Love, Guaranteed to be a testing of those waters, to see whether I could dip back in without a violent reaction, but that's just what it turned out to be.

The Draw: (why did I watch this?)

Hey, I've said it enough times, I love a rom com.  This, by the looks of the trailer, looked to be a straight up rom com.  It stars Rachael Leigh Cook (the rom) and Damon Wayans Jr. (the com) with a splash of Heather Graham on the side. Hell it's directed by the guy who did Blade and Ghost Rider!!!(!!![!!!]).   This seemed like a much bigger deal than your usual Lifetime channel pap.  Um, turns out, not so much.

The Formulae: (Description of the movie via its formulaicness)

She's a lawyer who's too busy for a relationship. Since she's often pro bono, she's having a hard time making ends meet, but at least her job makes her feel good. He's been so busy trying to find a relationship he's had 1000 dates on a dating app that guaranteed finding love within 1000 dates, now he wants to sue the company.

They have a meet cute at the coffee stand first, then she finds out he wants to hire her.  He's not the type of case she usually takes, plus, her initial reaction is that he seems rapacious, not the charming goofball Damon Wayans Jr. we all know and love from Happy Endings (or, I guess, The New Girl?).  Ergo, the formulae of the misunderstanding one another, especially from her side making so many assumptions about him.

Turns out, he is a physiotherapist who is helping one of her beloved clients recover, so he's a pretty good dude afterall, and the money from the suit would help her practice tremendously.  But she still thinks they're oil and water personality-wise

For additional comic relief, she has a wry sister who is pregnant and a crazy high-energy nephew as neighbours in her home life, and at work two assistants, one ebulliently gay, the other very much his straight female counterpart. They have to cajole her into actually trying a dating app in order to take the case. Prime for a comedic montage, they *almost* make a couple funnies but nobody is pushing themselves too hard here.

And then there's the "bad guy", the evil online dating company, run by Graham who is *almost* a caricature of, say, Gwyneth Paltrow and her elitist zen Goop bullshit, but it doesn't push the persona far enough.  The writing just doesn't have anything clever to say about rich white ladies and their dumb shit.  There's also Graham's lawyer, played by one of the aliens from Galaxy Quest who is the particularly nefarious-acting role here, and I think he was hired mostly because of his angry eyebrows.

Of course, in the end they do find love, be

Unformulae: (Where it breaks formula)

It never really breaks the formulae, sad to say, even down to Vancouver posing as Seattle, which is so formulae.

True Calling? ( Does the title represent the film...at.all?)

Oh, it suckered me.  I should have known based on a title so generic it should be printed in bland white letters surrounded by a large yellow box (that's a "No Name" brand joke that needs to be workshopped more, just like every joke in this film).  It does, basically, represent the film, but it doesn't sell it in any way.

The Rewind: (That "see it again" moment...this can just be a screencap maybe)

Nope, not this time. The pope has no robes.  It's not terrible enough to be memorable, it's just not very good. 

The Regulars: (Those familiar Hallmark faces and where we may have seen them before)

Not only have I not seen Rachael Leigh Cook in a Hallmark-esque movie recently, I don't think I've seen her at all since Josie and the Pussycats, to the point that I didn't recognize her at all in the trailer and didn't realize she was the lead of this movie until her credit title came up in the film.  I bet Netflix has her signed to a half dozen more of these.  I hope that this is the first and last time we see Damon Wayans Jr. and Heather Graham slumming it with this kind of material.  These two should be above this. 

I thought for sure Caitlin Howden (playing the sister) was a Canadian regular in these types of productions, but her IMDB profile finds no results.  Same with gay personal assistant/paralegal Sean Amsing.  However, the other personal assistant/paralegal, Lisa Durupt does have credits!  A lot of them! Hallmark ones at that!  Ones I have even seen at that!  She's always a welcome presence.

How does it Hallmark? (How does it fare as a Hallmark movie?)

It's not a Hallmark, it's a Netflix...and yet it feels like a Hallmark.  The only thing that could have made this more Hallmark would be if Wayans Jr. was a single dad.  Even by Hallmark, and Hallmark-like standards, it's a pretty neutered, bland movie.  The cast is top notch but it's all natural charisma, the script gives them absolutely nothing to work with.

How does it movie? (How does it fare as a real movie?)

I *thought* it was supposed to be a real movie.  I was wrong. It's kinda poop.

This also confirms I'm really not ready to dive back into Hallmark movies and the like.  I was supremely disappointed by this, and not really at all entertained.