Toast & Kent's Xmas (2025) Advent Calendar: Day 20 - The 12 Days of Christmas Eve

2022, Dustin Rikert (Next Stop, Christmas) -- download

I didn't mean to follow a movie directed by Rikert with another movie by Rikert, this time for the Lifetime channel, which showed in its [lack of] budget; its terribly terribly low budget. There is no way Kelsey Grammer cost that much. And this movie is a stinker, despite gathering itself together in the final act, once Brian Conway (Kelsey Grammer, tossed salads & scrambled eggs) starts bending to the will of Psycho Santa and becoming a better person. 

Since I am not recapping the movie, as we generally don't do such for the Loopty posts, I have to say a few things about the movie. I must have uttered, out loud, "WTF !!" at least half a dozen times. The movie has so many record-scratch, head-scratching moments of dumbfounding weird choices. 

And no, this is not a remake of a 2004 loopty movie with the same name.

How did the Loop Begin?
Our main character, Scrooge analog, Brian Conway, owner of a "family business" electronic store chain, drives off a bridge, on Xmas eve, while avoiding an escaped reindeer. He "wakes up" in a cozy room talking to Santa who says, "Yep yer dead," but offers him 12 do-overs in order to learn The Real Meaning of Xmas. Conway doesn't want to die, so he accepts, but its not like he really has a choice. Or does he? Santa does gesture upwards when talking about the After Life so there's at least that choice? Go to Heaven now or drop back down to NYC and fight to make money?

What was the main character's first reaction to the Loop?
Selfishness. Annoyance and ... well, instant death. On his way out of his office building, distracted by this repeating morning, he slips on ice and cracks his skull open, and poof, he's back in Santa's chair. One loop wasted. Also, dark!!

WHY did the main character get put into the Loop? Can someone else be brought into the Loop?
Because he's a horrible person who is horrible to his daughter & granddaughter, runs his company terribly and is terrible to everyone he meets. "You have until the end of the day to write a proper proposal, even if you have to work through the night," he says on Xmas Eve. Santa is either offering him a chance to set things right, or vindictive. I go with the latter.

No, no one else can be brought into the loop. Santa only has it out for Brian.

How long is this time Loop? What resets it? Can you force the reset?
Its as long as he lives through it, because, and hold onto your suspenders for this one --- if Santa finds Brian screwing up whatever misguided attempt he is making at "improving as a person", Santa just kills Brian. Kicked off a balcony by a dog, electrocuted, crushed by a chandelier, sledding accident, etc. Santa is a MURDEROUS PSYCHO. And yes, as seen in one loop, Brian can reset himself by swan diving off penthouse balcony. Seriously, WTF.

How long does the main character stay in the Loop? Does it have any affect on them, their personality, their outlook?
He gets 12 loops. He uses them all up. Does it affect his personality? Of course it does, cuz if Brian doesn't figger this shit out by the 12th loop, he dies, for real, for good. He's desperate. BUT the movie does improve as Brian improves. But it takes him a while, as these self-improvement loops usually do. 

What about the other people in the Loop? Are they aware? Can they become aware?  Does anything happen if they become aware?
No, nobody is aware, and the movie doesn't care. But for a toss-away reference to time loops in the second loop, Brian doesn't care if people know or not. He's in a Santa Magic Time Loop of his own making, so that's all consuming for him. And he fucks up so so many times.

What does the main character think about the other people in the Loop? Are they real? Do they matter?
Yes, they matter. Well, they matter once  people start mattering in general. Being a somewhat Scrooge-ish man, he really doesn't care about people at the beginning.

Most memorable event in a Loop? Most surprising event during a Loop?
Its a toss up between the third loop where Brian assumes he has an easy fix, which involves just giving people random items he bought at his own store. And he invites homeless rando's to his Xmas Event. That goes along painfully until Santa off's him. The surprising bit comes in the number of times that Brian seems to be figuring things out and then with a single response to his daughter Michelle, he undoes all his Good Will and Santa <insert finger across the throat gesture>. That happens at least three loops and is just ... terrible writing? 

How does this stack up in the subgenre?
Terribly. But also, in a small wee bit, a smidgen of a way... interestingly? I mean, when was the last time you heard of Santa murdering people as impetuous for a Feel Good Xmas Movie?

Toast & Kent's Xmas (2025) Advent Calendar - Day 19: Silent Night

2021, d. Camille Griffin - Tubi

It seems to me that in creating a Christmas movie, the point is to make something that will make people want to watch it at Christmas time, to get into the festive season, to fill one's self with holiday feels, and to do it again the next year.

I can't imagine anyone watching Silent Night and thinking it a part of annual tradition.

With a quite wonderful ensemble cast, including Kiera Knightly, Matthew Goode, Lucy Punch, Kirby Howell Baptiste, Annabelle Wallis, Lily-Rose Depp, Sope Dirisu and Roman Griffin Davis (the young star of Jojo Rabbit), this pretends in its outset to be a holiday gathering of friends that promises some laughs, good times, and drama, as all ensemble films about holiday gatherings might.

What starts as weird statements, odd turns of phrases, and curious anecdotes soon reveals that a toxic gas cloud is slowly enveloping the earth, and that in the UK, the government has issued its citizens the Exit Pill, that will allow them to pass on in a quick and painless manner, sparing them from the more slow and brutal death that the gas will provide.

And so the gathering is not simply a holiday feast, but also an event for the dearest of friends to gather one last time, to speak truth and offer forgiveness and to share in each other's love one last time.

But, this isn't going to be a simple silent night. Not everyone is part of the "inner circle". Some are significant others who don't have the history and connection and are left on the outside, and some, like Art, are children who refuse to accept their fate and are angry and want to fight.

This is a deftly woven tale, with some genuinely funny moments as well as some darkly funny moments, balanced with some juicy drama built out of the vow of honesty, and some gut-wrenching intensity as the story peeks here and there into the outside world.

The ending is just as bleak as you would expect, with an aspect of sweetness and beauty to it all, but it's the aching release after 90 minutes of anticipation. There should be no joy to this world, but there's still little moments that crack the bleakness, stop it from being so dire.

I don't know who would want to watch this every Christmas, as it didn't make me feel terribly festive. That said, it's a remarkable little film, an emotional rollercoaster that's surprisingly much more evocative than I was expecting.

[not to be confused with this Silent Night]

Toast & Kent's Xmas (2025) Advent Calendar: Day 18 - Next Stop, Christmas

2021, Dustin Rikert (The Finnish Line) -- download

Whoops, this one's late!

I remember Lyndsy Fonseca from her days in the Canadian TV show Nikita, spin-off of the classic movie La Femme Nikita, which was definitely a That Guy movie. But, for me, she will always be the chirpy waitress in Agent Carter. And this movie kicked off her career in Hallmarkies!

The Draw: Fonseca (those eyes; #SWOON) and Time Travel ! I am always up for time travel.

HERstory: Dr. Angie Reynolds (Lyndsy Fonseca, Agent Carter) is a work work work doctor in NY, but really, when aren't doctors thus. But she's getting some well needed time off, as in not working through the holidays like she usually does, but instead of going home to her PST like everyone expects her to do, she just wants to head to Yonkers and hide. Christmas Magic has something else in mind.

The establisher brings up the fact that she was once engaged to Plastic SportsReporter (Eric Freeman, Katy Keene) but turned him down. Her Work BFF says she made a mistake, says he's hot -- I just see a Beardy Weirdy Ken Doll. But Ange and Work BFF bump into Angie's Hometown BFF Ben (Chandler Massey, A '90s Christmas), a guy she lost contact with ages ago. She says it was him, but we aren't convinced. She begs off and the Work BFF heads to the Hometown BFF's party while Angie heads to Penn Stn to catch the train to Yonkers.

A loud teller at Penn beckons her over and instantly we know something magical is going to happen here. Sitting at the kiosk is Doc Brown and, yeah, something is up, especially since he's dressed all old timey. He sells her a "Holiday Special Ticket" which looks like it came from the same design company that made Willy Wonka's gold tickets. She doesn't catch on.

On the train, after she nods off briefly, she awakens to see Plastic SportsReporter sitting across from her, but a younger, less beardy version. And her coat is different, and her hair is different. And its 2011, ten years earlier. And the train is different! Apparently in 2011 you could catch an old timey train to Connecticut.

This old timey steam engine becomes a prominent thing as if the production crew was very very happy they got to use it.

Angie ducks out of her seat to catch her breath and finds Conductor Brown (Christopher Lloyd, Back to the Future) sitting in the dining car, and he only kind of pretends to not know what is going on. She states emphatically that she does not want to go home, does not want to be with Plastic SportsReporter and asks for the train to turn around. He asks for her ticket and she sees half of it faded out, like that is supposed to be the gold standard (pun intended) of how people can demand magic time travelling trains should work. "Fine fine," she says, "I will figure out what you need me to do before Xmas Eve in order to go home to 2021." Angie doesn't seem all that bent out of shape by the idea that Xmas Magic is real. It all strikes her as just a fun challenge.

So, first challenge -- say Yes to Plastic... OK, let's call him by name, Tyler. But first, we have to meet everyone. Dad picks them up at the station, and he is not in Arizona (forgot to mention earlier; her parents are broken up, Dad moved to AZ). Sis and husband have their first child Henrik. Mom (Lea Thompson, Back to the Future; ohhhh it wasn't just the train they snagged), with the artfully placed dab of flour dust on her face, is just happy everyone is home. And we hear about Aunt Myrt, the town rich lady whom everyone considers family. Everyone wants a rich aunt. And Boomer the dog is alive.

First up, TREE HUNTING ! Of course, its the tree lot where BFF Ben works as a Santa with a weird gangster Santa voice. He and Tyler lock eyes -- RIVALRY. You can see, instantly and obviously, that Ben loves Angie and he's been friend-zoned most of his life... let's not use that term, considering its distinct connection to the incel mindset. Ben is mos def in love with Angie, and they are perfect together, the banter being On Point, but no one has taken the next step. Ben seems to be just pining. 

But wait,  there is a reason for all this...

After a long day of train rides and tree hunting, Angie nods off on the sofa and BING, she's back on the train. She argues with Conductor Brown about what's going on, he obfuscates and the train arrives again. When Angie steps off, there is a magic bloop and she's at Ben's Santa shop, no explanation of how she went from her mom's sofa to here but for.... Xmas Magic! There's no train anymore, just the tree lot.

Fonseca is having a ball with the physical comedy of playing this confused but enthusiastic young lady. Its incredibly corny and hokey but she's constantly gesturing wildly. I don't know why, but I found it funny and endearing. Probably the eyes.

So, this is where the friendship comes into play. Rather than just blunder through this magical time travel event, she actually tells Ben what is going on, immediately, over breakfast (remember, its the next morning, magically) and he is, of course, confused and worried. But she has plans, plans to show him how she is time travelling and how she has to fix .... something. Cuz that's how time travel magic works. Fix something, and then you can go home.

That evening, Ben comes over for Gingerbread House making, mainly for the benefit of the kid, but also so... Ben can choke on a gumdrop and Ange can go, "SEE ! SEE ! I told you I knew the future, and I still saved your life just like I did when this originally happened!" Tyler is more and more noticing the two's connections, but Ange is just waiting for tonight to come, the night when 10 years prior (or now) Tyler proposed, and she said no.

Exceeeept, this time Tyler is even more work work work than she remembered, mainly because her hanging more with Ben is allowing him to have more time with his phone, and he accepted a job offer. That night is not about proposals but about him being distracted by work. 

Of note, Angie is also noticing the disconnect between her parents. Even ten years ago (or now) they had been drifting, which eventually leads to the break up. She needs to find out why and does lots of poking and prying. Mom's playing dumb. And we are getting a side plot about sis not being able to get pregnant. All of this is meant to hint that Angie from 2011 was so distracted by medical school that she was missing all the things going on in other family member's lives.

For a fluffy Hallmarkie, this one wants more complications than most.

Ben is going to be invited over for decorating, but Ange still needs to get Tyler in the proposing mindset, so she arranges a fake-GF for Ben through Aunt Myrt's granddaughter, a bubbly vacuous nice girl who is more than enthusiastic to play the role, which is kind of weird, and Ben plays along though he is less than enthusiastic about it. 

It kind of works? Tyler does propose, but... back on the train, Angie voices her frustration that she only has half a ticket. Ben is not jazzed by all this. Angie's next attempt is to repair the relationship she had always assumed she had with her sister, but was too distracted to notice she was... too distracted. Angie has a lot of misconceptions about the past for a girl who obviously spent all her time avoiding it. That doesn't work. Then finally, she hits on the real deal -- make sure her parents reignite the spark and don't break up eight years later! She talks to Aunt Myrt, professes a need to recreate the night of their first meeting at Aunt Myrt's first annual Xmas Party. It works, Mom in a hot pink 35 year old dress dazzles Dad and ... fireplace relit. Buuuut Angie is still in 2011, and Conductor Brown is not helping, and reminds her time is running out.

Then sis gives Angie something that she should have had given to her many many years ago, before this repeat 2011 -- a note from Ben that was supposed to be hidden inside a Secret Santa gift from him. A note professing his love and asking to move their friendship to the next level. She never responded, he assumed it was not what she wanted, and just left it at that, while still pining. But reading the note, Angie realizes what is going on and ... with an incredibly thin stretch of emotional development, realizes she has loved Ben all along, all her life. She tosses the ring back in Tyler's face, who is more than happy to catch his flight to Barcelona (a soccer thing) and.... the gold ticket is full. Buuuuut before she can confess everything to Ben face to face, the train is beckoning and Conductor Brown says, "Its now or never...." She does not want to live 10 years of her life over again, so she calls Ben, tells him she loves him and says, "Meet me on Xmas Eve at Fancy Resto and 10pm!" Back in 2021, that will just be later that day.

Exceeeept, Angie is called in and work work works (saving lives) through the deadline. She grabs a fancy green dress from her locker (she has fancy dresses in her work locker?!?!?) and runs to the resto to find --- it closing. Its Xmas Eve lady, can we just go home? But Ben calls from a corner table. But this is a new Ben, a Ben who she confessed love to 10 years ago and is now in a long term relationship with her and .... well, at least they let the last ten years of New History flood back into her brain (does that hurt?) before he proposes himself. Kiss kiss, very happy ending.

Exceeeept, time travel gaff? Why doesn't Ben remember she had time travelled? If she gets to remember it, why doesn't he? He should know that the woman in front of him right now just got back from 2011... oh never mind, its a Hallmarkie.

The Formulae: Despite being a time travel focused movie, it still gets in all the requisite Xmas stuff. There is Ben's tree lot, and decorating of trees, and an Xmas Eve Deadline, and hot chocolate, and decorating of trees and gingerbread houses, and a tree lighting in the town square, and an Xmas dance event (no red dress though, but Mom's hot pink number) and a Dick BF.

Unformulae: Its thoroughly about time travel hijinx and was clearly elevator-pitching, "We snagged two Back to the Future stars, so let's capture the same vibe!"

True Calling? Technically, the stop she was trying to make is "ignore Xmas" and while Xmas is all around them (do they feel it in their fingers, in their toes) the Magic is not about recreating Xmas, but more about the whole tight-knit-family deal. So, not really. 

The Rewind: It wasn't so much as a rewind but a loud chuckle at the, "Go ahead Henrik, you can put the first ornament on the tree..." as he reaches out with a red bulb to place it on a very obviously already decorated tree.

The Regulars: Fonseca went on to make four more of these movies over the next four years --- hope she is in line to become new Hallmarkie Royalty. Might have to give this year's entry a shot. Chandler Massey has done a few including this one. 

How does it Hallmark? Pretty decently. While it was very obvious that Ben was pining for the fjords, the banter between the two really nailed it on "best friends" but her "I love you!" realization was not sold to me.

How does it movie? Made for TV Time Travel Hijinx movie maybe?

How Does It Snow? OMG, where do I start. They went sooooo over budget on the fake snow here. There were soooo many scenes of full snow fall, snow everywhere, and all of it fake. Combinations of soap flakes and cotton batting everywhere!! And the digital snow! Someone must have invented the digital equivalent of a snow blowing machine because every fly over shot of the old timey train had EVERYTHING blanked in a dusting of snow, like the aerosol can stuff my mom blanketed our living room with every year when I was a kid. And Angie's family home with its snow covered roof and decorations and banks of snow, all added in post!

Toast & Kent's Xmas (2025) Advent Calendar - Day 17: The Preacher's Wife

1996, d. Penny Marshall - Disney+

The Preacher's Wife is, at least on paper, the perfect remake. It takes a classic and perhaps even beloved film starring one of the brightest and most charismatic stars of its era, and brings it to a modern setting, adapted wholly to its environment and its characters, and stars one of the brightest and most charismatic stars of its era. If you're ever going to think "who's a good substitute for Cary Grant?", "Denzel Washington" is absolutely the right answer.

The thing about The Preacher's Wife is that the role Washington plays -- the angel Dudley -- may share the same name and vocation as the role played by Grant almost fifty years earlier in The Bishop's Wife, but they are not the same character. Just for starters, Washington's Dudley used to be human, and apparently not that all that long ago (possibly within the 20th century). He's been in the queue for an assignment on Earth for decades apparently and has finally been given a shot, to which he is absolutely elated. Grant's Dudley has been on assignment for millennia, apparently, he's seen it all and has an omnipotence that Washington's character doesn't. 

These (and other) differences aren't trivial, they shape the roles they play quite differently, and there's really no mistaking them for the same character. The same can be said for the rest of the players in the film. The titular Bishop and his wife are Henry and Julia, as are the titular Preacher and his wife, but that's where the similarities end.

The Preacher's Wife doesn't just redo what was done before beat by beat, note by note, it rebuilds the story and characters from the ground up. 

Where Bishop Henry had already moved on from his troubled parish and was having difficulties negotiating the building of a new place of worship, here the Reverend Henry (Courtney B. Vance, Final Destination 5) is still very much in his parish, and a core part of his community. But his troubles are that he cannot do enough to stop the troubles his community is having. The local youth shelter has closed down, the church is in financial straights while still well attended, the local orphanage has closed and Henry's son's best friend is being moved to be housed elsewhere, and a local youth he's helped before has been falsely accused of armed robbery. All these things, as well as just supporting the sick and elderly and destitute in his community, weigh on the Reverend, and these troubles wind up isolating him from Julia (Whitney Houston, The Bodyguard) and his 6-year-old son Jeremiah (Justin Pierre Edmund, in an absolutely adorable but so not saccharine or precocious performance).

Unlike Julia in The Bishop's Wife, here, naturally, the role has been bolstered to put Houston in the spotlight, and, of course, get her to use her greatest talent. There is a lot of Houston singing here, largely gospel, but a sequence of Dudley, as Henry's behest, taking Julia out dancing leads to Julia meeting an old friend (played by Lionel Richie) and goading her into performing a soulful, romantic ballad, which she of course nails, and sends Dudley swooning.  It's their return from this event that both sparks their attraction, but also fuels Henry's jealousy, both in a way that was never quite as present or potent in the original.

Henry here is being tempted away from his parish, his community by real estate mogul Joe Hamilton ("Than man is so oily you can fry chicken on his smile") as played by Gregory Hines (Wolfen). Hamilton wants to gentrify the neighborhood and upscale the church, with Reverend Henry becoming a broadcast-worthy preacher. As other members of the community start to fall under Hamilton's sway, so too does Henry, much to Julia's dismay.

Here, Julia doesn't want to just be Henry's wife, but his partner. Most of her input is subtle, punching up the choir and helping with distributing alms. But she has ideas, ideas that Henry doesn't even have time to hear in order to dismiss them. He's put her on the back burner, and it's the crux of the whole film... sort of.

And this is what I mean by The Preacher's Wife being the perfect remake on paper. It rebuilds the story, the characters, the world and it feels so rich and alive, and yet it also repeats so many of the problems of the original when it most certainly could have improved upon them. The biggest issue is about focus and perspective. Whose story is this? Dudley's? Julia's? Henry's? Jeremiah is our narrator, so is it his? This lack of focus once again makes it tough for the story to ever really click. Where Henry in the original was very much the third lead of the film, he's pretty much the primary here, but this means Dudley winds up disappearing for stretches, and used inefficiently.

Both films lack a strong central lesson that Dudley is trying to teach Henry... or maybe it's just that Dudley is a terrible teacher. Dudley is just there to help, but he should be helping Henry help himself, and in both films, too much is left to Dudley to directly intervene. Just as in The Bishop's Wife, here the reconciliation between Henry and Julia is kind of just one moment and doesn't feel big enough to hand-wave away the problems they were having. There's not enough grown-ups having conversations saying how they really feel and understanding each other to feel truly satisfying.

Also in both films, the romance, if you can call it that, between Dudley and Julia, is barely a thing. It's more of a thing in The Preacher's Wife (Julia tells her mom she's just window shopping, to which her mom says "Well, don't go shopping with money in your pocket! And you better not be putting anything in the layaway plan, either!" The incomparable Jennifer Lewis, everyone! Amazing in this film. She's also only 6 year older than Whitney, playing her mother...tsk tsk). 

The Preacher's Wife, I think, is a more engaging film than The Bishops Wife, but only by a narrow margin. They're complimentary in their own way, like they're in a shared universe where angels are sent to Earth to help, and these two angels just happen to have similar missions but in two very different communities and with very different people. Where I don't quite click with The Preacher's Wife is its increased focus of faith and devotion and worship. Gospel isn't really my thing, and, quite frankly Whiney's singing never was either. Since both are given such prominence, it's really the detractor for me when comparing the two. One's mileage may vary greatly on that front.

Toast & Kent's XMas (2025) Advent Calendar: Day 16 - Champagne Problems

2025, Mark Steven Johnson (Ghost Rider) -- Netflix

Ghost Rider? Huh.

The Draw: Budget. But also, because, back when we started rearing this beast I started with a Netflix take on the Hallmarkie, Holiday in the Wild followed by The Knight before Christmas. Both were part of Netflix's earlier forays into Hallmarkie territory but with the budgets of Netflix behind them. Eventually that allure faded for the Netflix-ian Purple Suits and they went down the more traditional Xmas romcom path. Remember, even without the trope-laden structure of a Hallmarkie, there have always been Xmas romcoms, but they always feel distinctly different than these. This year, Netflix seemed to add a few back into their roster.

That said, its not like Netflix actually produces these movies, they are just the distributers, but there strikes me as a distinction when the production companies get the go ahead because they know it will end up on Netflix, and construct with that in mind.

HERstory: We actually begin with the story of Dom Perignon, the monk not the expensive champagne, and how he "accidentally" discovered the bubbles. Then we almost immediately switch to the Big City with Sydney Price (Minka Kelly, Titans), a work work work woman from The Roth Group who gives an impressive presentation on how TRG can acquire floundering champagne producer Château Cassell, in France. Sydney impresses her boss so much, he sends her to Paris to meet with the company, who will also be hearing three other proposals.

Sydney is all about work but promises her little sister that she will enjoy at least one night, and thus builds an itinerary for speed-running Paris, all the places marked, with times. Except she has one gap -- a good bookstore to pickup something for her sister. The concierge, who have always been the magical figures in movies centered around hotels, suggests a quaint little place called Les Etoiles which is magic unto itself. Unfortunately, no its not a real Parisian bookstore but the movie is actually shot in Paris, as opposed to Vancouver. And in the bookstore she runs into the handsome helpful Henri (Tom Wozniczka, Slow Horses). He doesn't work at the bookstore.

They banter. They flirt. He's better at it than she is, after all he's Parisian. She has a terrible plan to see all the tourist spots and he offers to show her the real Paris, a better view of Paris (nudge nudge wink wink, say no more). And its Xmas in Paris, so all the wow's. They have Xmas Market crepes and mulled wine and macarons (he pronounces it correctly) and they end up at the Paris Ferris wheel for the more heartfelt all alone with a spectacular view conversation. It ends with, "I had a great life today..." and a proper non-Hallmarkie kiss, no interruptions. And then.... (GASP!) sex.

Next morning, after glow, and he's out getting coffee & croissant and ... she's late!! Off she rushes to the hotel, showers and dresses and has to run to the place where the work work meeting is happening. She comes in to find the other companies doing the presentation -- the prim Brigitte (Astrid Whettnall, Winter Palace), the flamboyantly gay playboy Roberto (Sean Amsing, Love, Guaranteed; I am not sure, but I think he plays the exact same character in this also Netflix also romcom movie) and the grim and proper Otto (Flula Borg, The Rookie; apparently Flula also plays D&D), from Germany. And then, just after Sydney is about to begin her presentation -- in walks the owner's son, Henri from last night.

Awkward. Especially since he seems to know the reputation of TRG better than Sydney does, and its not good.

The owner, Hugo (Thibault de Montalembert, The Tunnel), sees the challenges before him and decides he needs more time to decide on who should take over his legacy, that all the presenters should experience what making champagne is all about, and asks them all to come to the Château Cassell proper, in a quaint French version of the PST.

The idea Hugo has is to present each person with an experience of something involved in the wine making business. Just because its December, it doesn't mean everything shuts down. They snip at vines, they rotate bottles, they get to know each other. Roberto is all about hedonistic experience and spending his daddy's money, Otto is a cliche hoping to impress German precision on Hugo's family business,  and Brigitte is a known factor and someone who has the eye of Hugo, the longtime widower as we learned on the Ferris wheel.

Sydney still wants to impress upon Hugo and Henri that she is about giving smaller businesses a chance to survive, but she doesn't know that her company has been gutting said businesses after she made the acquisitions. How she doesn't know this just says she is so very myopic. But seeing how she interacts with his father, whom she finds real affection for, softens Henri to her all over again. He even finds her cheese farts cute. 

As I have mentioned before, so many of these Hallmarkies are as much about processing grief as they are about finding love. Hugo and Henri have never really reconciled about losing Henri's mother, and are in an angry, hurting, stagnant point of their lives. Sydney herself has never let herself move on to having her own life, since her mother's passing. The three really are what each other needs the most.

In the end, after the complication where Henri overhears Sydney complying with TRG's plans to entirely destroy Château Cassell, but not her quitting the company, and he tells her to go away, and she does, Hugo gives the company to the fop, as champagne is all about celebrating life and that is all Roberto does -- party. But a bond has formed among the quartet, which says each of their strengths will be leveraged in the future of this family company.

But Sydney has run away, back to Paris, back to the bookstore to grab something before she flies home to find a new job, a new adventure when.... Henri arrives. The kind of magic concierge has redirected him there for another kiss, a sealing of a future. We end  the movie on a "one year later" Happily Ever After.

The Formulae: The movie makes use of them but in the more glitzy, glossy way that is Netflix's backing approval. The PST, all snow covered in French countryside December, is a quaint but not tiny village -- when they have the Xmas festival, the architecture is grand and sweeping and its more a rave with hundreds of attendees. We had the deadline, the signing of the deal before Xmas. We had the "smaller" Xmas fair where crepes and mulled wine are had. We had the complication, and we had rivalry, where in cheese is fed to a lactose intolerant girl (cute farts!). The less gratifying trope is where Sydney, who has worked hard to get where she is, dumps her job to stay in France with Henri, but at least it sounds like she finds alternate more gratifying work. Also, Henri doesn't have to take over his father's business, so gets to open his bookstore meets wine bar, his heart's dream. 

Unformulae: Sex! Kissing before the final scene! Not shot in Canada! Did I mentioned SEX ?

True Calling? I guess it did? There was plenty of champagne and there were plenty of problems?

The Rewind: I had to check whether the flyover of the PST was AI generated or just the usual CGI enhanced shot. I am rather sensitive this year to the coming onslaught of AI generated material which will eventually replace what stock & CG footage used to provide. Oh, and I had to stop and rewind the cute puppy chases the bunny wabbit scene, especially when they puppy stumble... but the bunny is sooooo fake looking.

The Regulars: This is off-market Hallmarkie so no, nobody has done many of this kind of movie. But I think Minka could find a life in these movies, as she adapted well to the concept.

How does it Hallmark? In this world of post-Hallmark after-market producers & distributers, but with money, it does a decent job.

How does it movie? No, of course it doesn't. But what surprises me more is that people seemed to expect it to be a proper Xmas romcom. In reading through other reviews and recaps, I was surprised at how many people lambasted it for .... well, all the reasons people watch these kinds of movies. The plots are contrived, the characters 1.1 dimensional and the lines usually incredulous. But that's to be expected. If anything, the extra money behind this did enhance to a greater degree --- the sets were utterly spectacular. And I have to shout out to Flula, who plays his German weirdo act to perfection again. And if I am being honest, I rather adored Minka in this role -- she's a beautiful woman over 40 allowed to play a beautiful woman over 40.

How Does It Snow? There was some actual laid out snow in some chase-the-cute-puppy scenes.

I Saw This!! What I Have Been Watching: 2025 Edition (Part A)

I Saw This (double exclamation point) is our [retired] feature wherein Kent(!) or Toasty attempt to write about a bunch of stuff they watched some time ago and meant to write about but just never got around to doing so. But we can't not write cuz that would be bad, very bad.  

What I Have Been (or Am) Watching is the admitted state of me (usually Toast, but Kent this time) spending too much time in front of the TV and not writing about it. Bad Kent! Bad! But it's in part because Kent is tired and busy can't review everything.

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Nobody Wants This Season 2 - 2025, Netflix (10/10 episodes)
created by Erin Foster
[Season 1]

Season 2 picks up where Season 1 left off, with Noah (Adam Brody) realizing that being with Joanne (Kristen Bell) may cause waves in his Synagogue, but he's willing to ride those waves for love. But just because they've committed again doesn't mean anything is going to be easier for them. 

Alright, let's be frank, I barely remember what happened in this second season of the show. If you want a recap, I'm sure there's many websites out there doing episodic recaps. I'm not that guy, this is not that site. Here's what I recall (and how I felt about it):

Joanne strives to win over Noah's mom. I like that Joanne doesn't take much shit from anyone, including Noah's mom, and she's not the cliched romcom lead who is quirky and klutzy and neurotic about her relationship... ok, she is a bit neurotic about her relationship. But in order to put complications into the show, the main characters need to overthink things, and be in their head too much.

Joanne and sister Morgan (Justine Lupe) get into a fight which drives a wedge between them for a significant part of the series, and the feud also leads to Joanne getting evicted from her apartment, and so some of the conflicts of the series is about whether Noah and Joanne are ready to move in together.

Meanwhile, Noah has lost the promotion, and so he leaves his beloved Synagogue, and finds himself instead at a nu-age Hollywood synagogue (run by Seth Rogen in his 500th TV role this year) that really doesn't seem to be interested in the traditions of Judaism at all, and it makes him miserable.

My favourite part of the series is the friendship between perpetually unfiltered Morgan and Noah's awkward brother Sasha (Tim Simons). Sasha is married to ball-busting taskmaster Esther (Jackie Tohn) and this season works hard at humanizing Esther, showing that she knows her attitude puts people off and she's self conscious about it. Her getting in the way of Morgan and Sasha's friendship loosens to funny time-limited, supervised visits, but the season starts driving a wedge between Sasha and Esther (because Sasha wants another child, Esther most definitely does not) and seems to be leaning towards actually pairing off Sasha and Morgan, which seems like a terrible idea.

A romantic comedy is typically all about the chase and/or overcoming the obstacles. When there are no natural obstacles left, a TV show built as a romcom needs to start manufacturing them, and while Nobody Wants This maintains a pretty high level of likeability and a pretty solid assortment of natural obstacles, the big complication that threatens to divide Joanne and Noah at the end of the season is pretty much bullshit.

I look forward to a third season but I also worry about it.

(Also, both Brody and Bell are in their mid-40's but it's clear that the show is presenting them as if they're in their mid-to-late '30s. The tone of a relationship and the future it presents is very different between these two ages. It's a good thing both performers are in incredible shape... Bell's shoulders and lats, migawd.)

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The Lowdown Season 1 - 2025, Disney+/FX (8/8 episodes)
created by Sterlin Harjo

When I put on the first episode I was in the midst of rewatching all the films of the Coen Brothers, and what was clear as mud was that the Coens were a particularly big source of inspiration for Sterlin Harjo in the execution of this series. 

There's a cinematic wasteland of bad Coens-esque productions out there, and this is most definitely not one of them, in part because it's clear that Harjo is inspired not just by the Coens but also by the same materials that inspire the Coens, particularly vintage detective fiction.

It also doesn't hurt that Harjo has his own decidedly strong and singular voice honed over a number of film projects (all remain relatively unheard of but now must be demanding eyes on them) and seemed to come out fully formed in the FX series Reservation Dogs, undeniably one of the best TV series of the past 25 years.

The day after watching the pilot I saw One Battle After Another, a film which rapidly consumed my excess brain space, and a film which, in many respects, seemed to have kinship with The Lowdown...or at least operating in the same temperature. A refrain in the first episode of The Lowdown - "There's nothing worse than a white man who cares" could very much be applied to Paul Thomas Anderson's latest as well.

The Lowdown stars Ethan Hawke (in probably my favourite performance he's ever done) as Lee Raybon, an investigative journalist, or "truthstorian" as he dubs himself, and very much a white man who cares. And it's not performative caring. He legit is fighting for everything he believes in and to great sacrifice to himself.  There's no glory in what he's doing. The papers and magazines he writes for are not in the least prestigious and, like all news media these days, just flailing to keep their head above water. 

Lee had written an article, an expose on the man campaigning for the Oklahoma governorship, Donald Washburn (Kyle MacLachlin) and his family, and shortly after its published, Washburn's brother (Tim Blake Nelson) apparently committed suicide. Lee smells something fishy around it all and begins peeling back the layers of a potential conspiracy involving the rich Oklahoma muckety mucks and a white supremist church with their own private army of ex-cons.

Lee's life is put in jeopardy many, many, many times, but where with most it would be a deterrent, for him its just more fuel and ammunition to charge forward. 

The show is an incredible tonal balance of comedy, mystery, intrigue, drama, intensity, the whole spectrum. With all apologies to Noah Hawley's Fargo TV series (a show I love, mostly), this is the best example of what a Coens-esque TV should or could look like. It's an incredibly exciting and entertaining and thought provoking ride the entire time, and even the singular interlude episode winds up being an entirely welcome interruption thanks to Peter Dinklage's incredible performance.

The show is entirely well casted, with Jeanne Tripplehorne as the femme fatale, Kaniehtiio Horn as Lee's ex, Star Wars:Skeleton Crew's Ryan Kiera Armstrong as Lee's daughter, Keith David as a concerned party to Lee's actions, and the dozen other supporting players that pop in and out in this wild neo-noir. 

The best show of the year? Yeah, probably.

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The Studio Season 1 - 2025, AppleTV+ (10/10 episodes)
created by Seth Rogen and Evan Goldberg

Spoiler Alert, but The Studio ends with Seth Rogen's character, Matt Remick, head of Continental Studios, standing on stage in front of a theatre full of people trying to get a chant going... "Moo-vies. Moo-vies. Moo-vies" and invariably the chant picks up and ultimately fills the theatre. Remick is elated.

It is, in context, just another of the many utterly absurd moments of the series. Here Matt and company have been trying to "Weekend at Bernies" their CEO Griffin Mill (Bryan Cranston) who had overdosed on mushrooms at Matt's party the night before, and ..ah, it was a whole thing. But the point being, a theatre full of people chanting "Moo-vies Moo-vies Moo-vies" is so, so stupid in context, and yet...and yet, there's a power to it, to reaffirming that, yes, movies are awesome, and sometimes you just want to be excited about the concept of them and that they exist.

I don't take to cringe comedy well. I've done my time with it, and I generally try and avoid it when I see it coming. I can small-dose it, but I really am not enamoured by people being awkward and making things worse for themselves with either no self awareness or an inability to stop themselves. The Studio is sort of a cringe comedy, but it's so nestled within satire that it effectively tempers the cringe. 

The series finds Matt Remick appointed as the new head of Continental, and it's a role that Matt feels he's earned, but it rapidly becomes clear he maybe doesn't have the stomach for it. He loves movies, but loving movies doesn't make a studio money, and the compromises Matt must make at every turn seem to tear him up inside. But at the same time, Matt has to contest with his own pretentiousness, his own ego, his own film snobbery, he has to play politics with artists and agents and press and public relations and his own producers at the studio. He has to contend with the ever-shifting nature of Hollywood and what is trending, what is successful.

The Studio is the latest in a long line of "behind the scenes" at a studio, but it does so with stars in its eyes and a knife with which to stab it in the back. It loves it and reveres it and loathes it wishes there were something better at every turn. It's this balance of admiration and detestation that makes the studio work so well. It's a show that's aware that it's better to have studios than not, but that they're also fundamentally broken and will probably never get fixed.

Rogen and Seth Goldberg direct each episode, and their style for the series is to construct the episodes as a series of one-shots. So each episode will have anywhere from one to a half dozen edits, and that's it. If you don't notice it, it means the show is doing its job at being entertaining, and if you do notice it, it's hard not to be impressed.

It's a series loaded to the gills with guest stars, from Charlize Theron to Zac Efron to Ron Howard to Zoe Kravitz to Ted Sarandos to Martin Scorsese to getting Sarah Polley out of acting retirement, but it's all backed up with a core cast of great comedic performers including Ike Barinholtz, Kathryn Hahn and Catherine O'Hara.

I can't get out of this review without mentioning that the big "tentpole" picture at Continental Studios is a Kool-aid Man movies starring Ice Cube. It's ridiculous and never ceases to be entertaining as the studio execs labour over the decisions they need to make on such a production.

There's also an irony to having a TV show that's really an honest love letter to movies. Moo-vies. Moo-vies. Moo-vies. Moo-vies. Moo-vies Moo-vies. Moo-vies Moo-vies Moo-vies Moo-vies. Moo-vies Moo-vies Moo-vies Moo-vies Moo-vies Moo-vies Moo-vies Moo-vies Moo-vies Moo-vies Moo-vies Moo-vies!

Toast & Kent's Xmas (2025) Advent Calendar - Day 15: The Bishop's Wife

 1948, d. Henry Koster - amazonprime

What exactly is The Bishop's Wife? Is it a romance about a love triangle? A faith-based Christmas story? An exploration of changing class and status? A comedy? A drama? 

Yes, to all of these, and yet, not really any of these at all. It's a story that doesn't quite know what it wants to be or what it wants to say, only just that it wants to say it.

Dudley (Carey Grant) is an angel who appears suddenly on the poorer side of town. He helps a blind man cross the road, stopping traffic as he does. He stops a runaway pram from getting run-over. He's a kind man with a beautiful face who knows everyone's name as if they were old acquaintances. 

He has appeared on Earth to help Bishop Henry Brougham (David Niven), whose promotion to Bishop, in no small part thanks to wealthy dowager Mrs. Hamilton, has left him sort of at her mercy. His promotion has elevated him not just in ecclesiastical status, but also social, having moved across town to a different class of parishioners. Henry's wife, Julia (Loretta Young) may have moved with him, but she hasn't left the old neighbourhood out of her heart.

Henry's key objective is the building of a new church, one which isn't going to happen on its own dime. It will take much cow-towing and conceding to the wishes and demands of Mrs. Hamilton, whose designs are to seen the new facility be a shrine to her late husband moreso than to God.

Henry has lost himself in his advancement, and Dudley is there to attempt to show him the way back, to remind him of what really matters in both life and divinity, but Henry won't go willingly. Dudley inserts himself into Henry's world as his assistant, much to the delight of the female staff about the abode, being up front with Henry about who he is and why he is there...but the Bishop just can't believe it even when Dudley shows him signs (at one point he thinks him a demon).

So the angle Dudley takes is to spend time with the Mrs. and their daughter, showing them the attention and appreciation that's been lacking from the man of the house. Dining, dancing, skating, shopping, visiting old friends and old favourite places, Dudley shows Julia the world she's been missing, the life Henry's been neglecting, and it begins to upset Henry, pride and envy. Sins!

While it should be the wake up call he needs, it's not, really. It's only through Dudley's intervention with Mrs. Hamilton that she sees the selfishness and error in her ways, instead deciding to devote her money and attention to social issues instead of vainglorious pursuits. This frees Henry into making the only choice he can, to return to his old parish, to return to the people that need him most and miss him. And it allows Dudley to depart, but not first without a proclamation to Julia, a hint towards temptation (is he a devil?) but she resists and flees to her husband. Dudley smiles, and departs, to be forgotten, as at the end of any of his jobs...it's not about glory, but about doing good, and leaving a lasting effect on the people he touched.

For a 1940's film that centres around an angel and a bishop, The Bishop's Wife, is surprisingly not a film very concerned with religion. It's oddly contemporary in the way it uses the roles and the iconography and such for its own designs without really trumpeting faith or thumping the Bible much at all. Dudley might as well be an alien helping a corporate VP lost in his promotion for all this movie really cares about Christianity, and that suits me just fine having a total lack of conviction myself.

The problem with the film is it lacks focus. It doesn't know whose point of view to tell the story from. It's not Dudley, or Julia, or Henry, nor anyone else. It's named The Bishop's Wife so you would think Julia would be at the centre of the story, but she's not really. It was Henry who called for God's help, and Dudley was sent, but Henry spends most of the movie uncuriously wishing Dudley away, and not accepting his help, guidance or lessons. The rekindling of Henry and Julia is a subtle one, no great moment of revelation so much as both of them seeing Dudley as a temptation that would get in the way of their marriage and both realizing that is not what they want.

But Dudley's "wooing" of Julia never seems in earnest. It never truly seems like Dudley is ever actually in love with her. He loves her, like he seems to love everyone, and so the moment where he leans in for the kiss feels like a test for her, not a legit moment of Dudley seeking something else for himself.

For that matter, Julia isn't much of a temptation. There's little in the role that Loretta Young is playing that gives her much agency or vibrancy or vivaciousness. Beyond being pretty, she does so little to draw Dudley to her. Never is there a moment where there is something that is convincingly alluring to an angel who seems to have legitimately seen it all (Dudley's history spans thousands of years, apparently).

And if the whole point of the movie is for Dudley to help Henry, to show him the life he's been missing, the life he should be leading, the film never effectively gives us that progression for Henry. When Henry comes around, it's seemingly not of his own volition or awareness, and there's no grand heart-swell of Henry rekindling with Julia or finding the joy of parenthood. It's way too subtle and understated, in part Niven's incredibly reserved performance, and in part a script that didn't clearly plan its path efficiently or effectively.

Cary Grant is at his most congenial in this film, and he carries it on his back far more than he should have to, given how clear the pathway is for the story to walk on its own.

Toast & Kent's XMas (2025) Advent Calendar: Day 14 - Merry Christmas, Ted Cooper!

2025, Jason Bourne Bourque (Asteroid: Final Impact) -- download

We loved 2020's The Christmas House, not only Kent and myself, but also The Peanut Gallery gave it some begrudging smiles. For some reason, we never watched the sequel. But fuuuudge, this one was a breath of fresh air! This movie was great fun!!

The Draw: Robert Buckley is baaaack !! And along comes Kimberly Sustad.

HISstory: We start ice cold: no fly over, no production credits, just a live weather promo from a news station in Buffalo. Ted Cooper (Robert Buckley, iZombie) is the weather man but the Dick Anchor (Brendan Penny, Private Princess Christmas) keeps on calling him Tad (or has a terrible accent; couldn't tell for sure). Ted is telling us how he will be heading to his home town of Lackawanna in upstate NY to participate in the annual "Gingerbread Invitational". Its to be a bunch of cute, fluffy check-in's but apparently the viewership will come mainly from people wanting to see whatever disastrous thing happens to Ted this year. Ted, you see, has something unfortunate happen to him pretty much every Xmas. And always on-air. He trips and breaks things, he has sets fall on his head, he developed an unfortunate virus, so rare they ended up naming it Ted Cooper-itis. Dick Anchor is sooooo milking Ted's misfortune.

Roll opening credits.

We returned to the news crew's "Ted Cooper Christmas Pool" a white board covered with a bunch of unfortunate, or at least embarrassing, things that they have predicted could happen to Ted this year.

 "Kisses beautiful woman on air" is at 10,000 to 1 odds. The weirdo lady in the office has put $20 on that. Everyone else is just praying for horrible things.

Buuut they aren't wrong. It starts with Ted's car not working, forcing him to take a bus, and well, we all know how inter city buses go. You don't? Let's just say, lucky you. AND as soon as he gets off the bus, and sets his suitcase down to hug his kid sister (Meghan Heffern, When Christmas was Young), wouldn't you know it, someone grabs his, leaving its exact likeness behind. And that suitcase is full of the pink frilly things of a sorority girl. Comedy has them skip right past trying to find its rightful owner to and to Ted coming down the next morning in a pink crop top sweater, which he embraces. You see, Ted is terminally cheerful -- not toxically so, but always sees the silver lining, even through all his misfortune.

After a heart to heart with his sister heads out to put the lights on the house and ... ladder, heavy box, unconsciousness. Ted got conkered but he's OK, aaaaand lo and behold he is cared for by Dr. Hope Miller (Kimberly Sustad, Three Wise Men and a Baby), the girl from high school whom he had a crush on. Hope has been away but is back in town. Her doctor friend Sydney has taken care of Ted during past unfortunates. The charming banter between two witty adults got quite a few chuckles out of me. 

Oh, and in the lobby, he meets his retired teacher Ms Mittens (#snort) and she asks Ted if he can go get her an Xmas tree as she has a hand injury. Tree lot! Except that leads to injury number two -- a tree pokes him in the eye. Normally, this is where the hopeful couple has one of their early walking chats, but since Dr. Hope is working, this is where we get to know Ted better as he and Ms Mittens (Barbara Pollard, Good Morning Christmas!) chat it up -- the man is utterly charming! But back to the hospital.

And that means on the air, later that day, with an eye-patch (someone won something on the pool !). His eye patch is Xmas-y themed (#sillygrin). After the on-air promo, its off to get some not-pink clothing and he bumps into Ms Mittens and her matching-tracksuited walking group. Shopping Montage! And more get-to-know-Ted, who is seriously a nice likeable guy. And they bump into Dr. Hope, and of course the walking group convinces Ted and Hope to go out for some burgers & beer down the street. Beer, real beer, a dark "Xmas Ale", in a Hallmark movie (#swoon). The two get to know each other a bit more, highlighting how Ted refuses to inconvenience people and how she makes her own ramen (#SWOON).

But the night ends with Ted locking his keys & phone in his sister's car, and while trying to wedge his arm in the window, the cops show  up. Scroll up a bit and look at that whiteboard. But its alright, his sister shows up not quite to bail him out, but at least retrieve him and her car. Ted meanwhile has made friends with all the cops, because of course Ted has. 

Next Day! Ted is meeting up with Dr. Hope to get a walk-through of the hospital wing for which this "Gingerbread Invitational" is raising funds for and he meets a nice young lady who baked gingerbread cookies -- make that, peanut butter gingerbread cookies. Who puts peanut butter in their gingerbread? Luckily Dr. Hope has an epi-pen nearby. It should be pointed out that just before he ate the life threatening cookie, they were having the Dead Parent chat and ... OK, weird pivot to derailed that conversation. But that's alright as she needs to keep Ted "under close observation" and that leads to him helping her Trim Her Tree (no, not a euphemism).

Next Day! (is that another trope? that these movies, given that they happen "just before xmas" always have to obviously count down the days?) Ted's sister is baking cookies, "Is that frosting and anxiety I smell?" She is stressed over this whole fund raising event she is running. She wants Ted to invite Dr. Hope to her party, and he, um... well, he flakes. So, she invites Hope herself. Said party is an Xmas themed costumer party and Hope shows in Dickens finery while Ted is decked out in a snowman outfit. Sis has invited Hope an hour early "accidentally" giving the two more time to banter wittily, also pointing out that Ted, in the high school yearbook, quoted Gimli the dwarf from The Lord of the Rings. The party goes well, Ted stumbles over asking her on a second date and .... its to an escape room. An escape room they cannot escape from because the only staff member accidentally falls asleep and locks them in all night. 

OK, ok, let's move things along. They are scheduling another date, but first, another promo for Xmas Event. Ted's sister has the car, not that she would trust him with it again, so he takes a ride share -- in a party limo, where... well, Ted leaves his phone. The same phone Hope tries to call later and gets a stag-do (i.e. strange drunk lady) giving us our expected COMPLICATION ! Hope is hurt that a woman answered his phone, so she leaves. Ted arrives, in his sister's car again, but Hope is gone and the note he leaves does stay stuck long. They do not connect. Ted is hurt.

The Next Day. Ted is still trying to call her, on his sister's phone, but she has to leave, for the Xmas Event, with her phone, with her car. He walks to town where he runs into the walking group (Sole Sisters #GROAN) and they have a matching outfit for him! Meanwhile, Ed the guy who was driving the party limo has found Ted's phone and used it to call Hope (Ted's phone is that easily unlocked?) and she realizes she has made a horrible mistake, which is something she let herself do far too easily. Ted shows up, she's upset that she got upset and ... well, Ted isn't upset. As Ms. Mittens said, "Its a classic misunderstanding." Hope doesn't like that Ted is not upset. She thinks Ted never gets upset, that he just lets the world walk all over him. They are having a real conversation about feelings and personalities and ... well, it doesn't go well. She basically accuses Ted of being shallow and then walks away.

Later, finally getting to the Gingerbread Invitational. Hope's not going, Ted's congratulating his sister for meeting her funding goals and Dr. Sydney is yelling at Dr. Hope for finding fault with Ted. I mean, she has a point, but to dump him over something so trivial? Maybe she's right and she's looking for any reason, but as Syd points out, he's the first person to make her smile in forever. Go after him girl! And she puts on a nice red dress (!!!) and shows up for his on-air promo where they have their proper heart 2 heart and make up and KISS. On-air. Weirdo Lady at Ted's station is going to win a TON of money from Dick Anchor. Happy Ending!

The Formulae: Its not trying to adhere strictly, so while there is a Big City (is Buffalo all that big?) and a smaller community, I am not sure Lackawanna is a PST, just a suburb. But we do get the tree lot and baking cookies and decorating a tree and a time-based Xmas Event (fund raising!) and we GET A RED DRESS !!

Unformulae: The humour. It was genuine and actually funny.

True Calling? Yes, it really does.

The Rewind: It was that whiteboard, because, of course it was. I had to rewind, pause and chuckle at the fun of it all. His coworkers are mean. No wonder he wants out.

The Regulars: Sustad is Hallmarkie Royalty. As mentioned Buckley has done a few and I hope he keeps doing more, like actually producing & writing more, like he did with this one. Meghan Heffern has done a few. Barbara Pollar has done quite and few and is part of the familiar face stable of Vancouver actors. Brendan Penny has also done quite a few, considering his bit part here. 

How does it Hallmark? Pretty darn well. The chemistry between the two was genuine and sweet and, as I rewatched in 10x speed, to assist in writing this, I saw so many subtle expressions on their faces. It worked so well for me, not even requiring me to soften on the less-trope nature.

How does it movie? You know, it kind of does. There are so many uncharacteristically Hallmarkie funny moments in this movie, things that made me smile and chuckle and just feel good. Ted and his sister constantly yell at each other, but with only love. Ted and Hope make fun little quips that are not the usual cringe of Hallmarkies. 

How Does It Snow?  There is some hockey rink shavings but mostly cotton batting.

1-1-1: Mosaic

 2018, d. Stephen Soderbergh - 6 episodes - crave

The What 100: A famous children's author and philanthropist takes in an aspiring artist as border and protege, but expects perhaps something more. Her friend and neighbour lets her know of the discovery of rare earth minerals on her property, but she's not interested in selling or developing the land. A new man enters her life with ill intentions. And then she winds up dead. 3 years later, the sister of the man convicted of the author's murder tries to unpack what actually happened.

(1 Great) Mosaic is, quite simply, an exceptionally compelling mystery, in large part due to the intricacy of the network of characters and their dynamics. The show over its six episodes paints a web of interconnected lives and/or interests in the small rural community over two different time periods. The characters are complex individuals, each with their own motivations, both before Olivia Lake (Sharon Stone, Total Recall) goes missing, and after her fiancee Eric (Fred Weller, In Plain Sight) takes a plea without admittance of guilt in her murder. The first two episodes focus on establishing Olivia's life (and her complicated personality) while also highlighting Eric's swindling of Olivia for outside interests, and Josh's confusion and disappointment in the life he's living on Olivia's estate (Garrett Hedlund, Tron: Legacy), and introducing the many other players invested in this story. The latter four episodes find Eric's sister, Petra (Jennifer Ferrin, The Knick) trying to solve Olivia's murder, and the time jump takes the players into new and very different places than they were three years earlier, with many willing to help, others reluctant, and some outright hostile, while still others seem to be helpful while in fact are not at all.

(1 Good): Soderbergh shoots the whole production with a natauralistic feel, as he's been partial to in this second phase of his career. Lighting is largely ambient, while the camera is very free moving and intimate in the proceedings.  The result of the style is one of immersion, or at the very least, fly-on-the-wall, where you feel like you are a watchful observer in the mix (we'll get to why that is in a minute). The intimacy makes you feel a part of the tangled narrative. The characters relate to each other in the complex and messy way that humans do. I wouldn't be surprised if there were stretches of the performances that were unscripted, and left to the actors to decide how the characters were feeling and how they would express themselves in the confines of the scene. I could not get over how many threads we're asked to track, and yet how easy it was to track them all. We're often ahead off Petra in her investigation, and yet the actual who and what and why of Olivia's murder still isn't completely made clear, as screenwriter Ed Solomon does a terrific job of pointing at numerous plausible suspects, and keeping them all relevant (and even adding a few red herrings along the way) straight through to the finale.

(1 Bad):The naturalist styling of the show means it can't exactly hit specific points harder than others, it can't have a dedicated message it's trying to send. There is a point it gets across about the rich, that things apply differently to high-society than it does to everyone else, it but can't really make more space to drive it home. It's not a class-warrior of a film  But maybe it didn't need to be. There's a discomfort, even a predatory nature to the upper-crust,  Olivia included, and it points to it, calls it out. There's also tiers to the upper-crust, and even there, Olivia is kind of seen as lower status, of less serious money. So it's a question of which side was after her, the rich who look down on her, or the poor who resent her? 

META: Mosiac actually started life as a "nu-media" project, an app where the viewer could observe the story through any character's perspective. The way that Soderbergh shot the footage makes a whole lot more sense when you realize you're supposed to be afforded the ability to watch from any character's point-of-view. Maybe the real "bad" is that the app seems to be long gone, as it sounded like an interesting experiment.  At the same time, what remains as an expertly edited production that just crackles like a lit fuse. We watched the whole thing in one sitting, because we had to see it through to the end.

KWIF: Wake Up Dead Man: A Knives Out Mystery

 KWIF=Kent's Week in Film. With the holiday season upon us, more of my energy is going into holiday movie watching for the Advent Calendar, rather than cinema. But also, having just restored AppleTV, it's been catch-up time, dominating the other side of my viewing schedule. But some movies just won't wait, and when there's a new Benoit Blanc/Rian Johnson/Knives Out joint, it's go time.

2025, d. Rian Johnson - Netflix

It's almost 45 minutes into Wake Up Dead Man that the central detective of this series of murder mysteries rears his head. Up until then we are following Father Jud Duplenticy (Josh O'Connor, The Crown) as, after punching out a fellow priest, he is assigned as the assistant pastor at a small-town parish led by the tough and vociferous Monsignor Jefferson Wicks (Josh Brolin, Jonah Hex). Wicks takes delight in fucking with Jud, particularly in his confessions, but Wicks' strong personality and tight grip over his ever shrinking group of disciples which he steers with rage, fear and right wing propaganda lead the two men to conflict. And then Wicks ends up dead --murdered-- in a manner that seems, at its face, impossible. Father Jud is the only plausible suspect in this impossible crime, and the disciples (and town beyond) point fingers in blame. What can a priest do but pray for God's to send help.

Thus enters Benoit Blanc (Daniel Craig, Cowboys & Aliens), the notorious erudite cajun detective. The meeting is a scintillating piece of filmmaking. Father Jud asks Blanc if he is a believer, and Blanc, a man of logic, is most definitely not a believer in things he cannot see or logic. The scene, within the gorgeous church architecture that is one of the main sets of the film, starts lit incredibly warmly, as if bathed in lush summer sunshine, with Blanc's entrance the seemingly divine intervention Father Jud asked for. But as Jud gives Blanc space to elaborate upon his beliefs, which entail an inability to look at the Church or religion and not see the vast and continued history of darkness that underlies it, the temperature of the room cools greatly, as if the sun not just clouded over, but blew a fuse. Father Jud, however youthful and out of his depth he has seemed over the preceding 45 minutes, doesn't just hear what Blanc says, he understands it, and his rebuttal, which isn't even so much a rebuttal so much as the other side of the coin, returns the warmth to the room, returns the sunshine to the sky. Blanc hasn't so much lost an argument, but found his chess game put in check. It's one of the most exhilarating scenes I've seen in movies this year, and it's hard not to feel those temperature changes as you watch it.

Asking an audience to spend 45 minutes without the feature character of the particular film series may seem like a big ask, but the set-up here is wholly engrossing. What we learn eventually is that those 45 minutes, as narrated by Father Jud, are him writing down the events as he recalls them at Blanc's request. O'Connor, who star was pumped full of light in last year's Challengers, should now hang high and bright going forward. It's an immensely charismatic performance with an extremely likeable and brilliantly written character. Father Jud is thrown into a sea of sharks at his new parish, and the 45 minutes is well spent diving into the personalities at play, starting with Wicks, the church's assistant Martha (Glenn Close, Guardians of the Galaxy), her beloved groundskeeper Gus (Thomas Hayden Church, Spider-Man 3), the alcoholic town doctor and recent divorcee Dr. Nat Sharp (Jeremy Renner, Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters), the cellist with debilitating nerve pain Simone Vivane (Cailee Spaeny, Pacific Rim Uprising), the successful sci-fi author Lee Ross who has taken the red pill (Andrew Scott, Sherlock), local lawyer Vera Draven (Kerry Washington, Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer) and Cy (Daryl McCormack, Twisters), her half brother who she was forced by her father to adopt, who fell into the Black Republican cesspool and refuses to exit.

Who these people are, and the snippets of their past that we're introduced to, all have relevance to the proceedings of the film. For a 145-minute film, so little of it is wasted. I struggle to think of extraneous details. What it does, as a detective story, is invest the audience so much more into the characters and their dynamics, that it's so much more the interesting part of the story than the whodunnit. And it's not just a whodunnit, but also a howdunnit, and a whydunnit. Having so many questions to answer alleviates the audience from guessing games, the usual meta part of watching a murder mystery. I think only once in the entire run time of the film did I make a guess as to who the murderer was, and even that wasn't so much a guess as it was a "something's fishy about this person's story".

Clearly director Johnson, having also created the neo-Columbo TV series Poker Face and the neo-noir Brick which launched his career, loves detective stories, and even within this film gives the audience a reading list of novels about impossible murders, one of which serves as this film's murderer's guidepost. Johnson's deep investment in detective stories pays off in a film that understands the genre enough to not only play to all its strengths but also play with how to tell such stories and to layer different sub-sub-types of the genre on top of one another. He leans into cliches as much as he subverts them and uses them all to his storytelling purposes. And he uses the format as a foundation upon which to drop the most scathing satire of the America that Bannon and Trump have built, and some remedies to it, starting with not letting the bastards get you down, and connecting, genuinely, with one's community.

As brilliant as Blanc's first meeting with Father Jud is, it's not the film's best moment. That comes when Father Jud makes a phone call as part of his investigation with Jud, expressing to the woman on the other end of the phone the urgency in which he needs the information. She's a bit of a talker and Jud tries to hurry the conversation along, and apply pressure when she puts up blockers to his information request. Father Jud's impatience, and Blanc's beside him, are palpable, but the scene is full of humour, until the woman ask Father Jud, after a long, patience-thinning pause, if he would pray for her, and he with barely a moments hesitation, snaps into Priest mode and everything, quite literally changes.  I have not seen Bridget Everett's much lauded HBO series Somebody, Somewhere, but from what I've heard of the show, it's evident why Johnson cast her in this part and maybe even tailored the part to her. The tonal balance between comedic performance and then the turn to something deeply emotional seems to be Everett's baileywick, and it's a scene in this film that surprisingly brought me to tears. 

This is a film that features religion at its centre, and there are, in both dialogue and structure, arguments in favour and against religion. But it's not a film taking sides. It's a film that ultimately wants hope, and community and charity and forgiveness to win out. It's a film that wants people to come together rather than be pulled apart, even if they don't see eye to eye on everything. It's a film that knows greed is probably the most active deadly sin, perhaps fuelling or even manufacturing the other deadly sins beneath it.

A genre pic like this, especially one that is almost two and half hours long, could feel bloated with self-importance, and bogged down in messaging or thumping, and instead it's a highly energetic, tremendously entertaining, propulsive film full of terrific moments, a neck-breaking amount of organic twists, and fantastic performances.  It's a damn great time.

[Note: I still think it's weird whenever a series takes the name of its first film, and yet the series name has nothing to do with the rest of the films. Like, this should be subtitled "A Benoit Blanc Mystery"... just as there were six films with "The Thin Man" in the title, when the titular Thin Man was just a suspect in the first film. Bah. Stupid.]

[Poster talk, briefly... I don't find any of the posters for this film particularly compelling, particularly the breadth of character-based posters. I wish there were iconography posters, selling on particular elements of the story... the wolf's head, the mausoleum, the "l'Eveil Appel", artfully done of course].

Toast & Kent's Xmas (2025) Advent Calendar - Day 13: Married by Christmas

A Toast to Hallmarkent

2016, d. Letia Clouston - Tubi

The Draw: Nothing will get me more excited about watching a Hallmarkie than having it star someone from the many DC/CW/Arrowverse shows. In this case, it stars Jes Macallan (Ava from DC's Legends of Tomorrow) but also co-stars April Bowlby (Rita Farr from Doom Patrol) playing sisters. 

HERstory: Carrie (Macallan) has been working the past seven years in the shadow of her father (James Eckhouse) in the family food supply business, a large, privately held corporation that she's poised and primed to take over. Her dad thinks she's ready and so does she. She's found a struggling winery that she sees the opportunity to expand the business into alcohol, and sets up a meeting only to find the owners of the winery have only sent their lawyer, Dylan Courtney (Coby Ryan McLaughlin). Dylan calls the offer predatory and Carrie tries to hardball him. It doesn't work and the intense meeting is short-lived.

The meeting didn't go well in part because Carrie is on edge after finding out that the "family business" won't be the family business much longer. Her sister Katie (Bowlby) just got engaged to Ethan and she learned that their grandmother, a staunch and reserved traditionalist, had willed the company to the husband of the first granddaughter to get married. Everyone seems to think that regardless of what happens, that the company will be transferred to Carrie, but then Ethan says "let's not be too hasty". We don't know Ethan's motivations yet.

Carrie, somewhat apoplectic about this whole backwards-assed situation starts scheming to try and find some rube to marry before her sister's Christmas wedding. Dating sites go horribly awry, so she settles on her old high school friend Paul (Ryan Caltagirone) who she had lost touch with. They get reacquainted and it's amusing to see Carrie, a hard-nosed, practical woman, try to be cutesy and lovey with Paul, and not only is it not a good look for her, but Paul hardly seems to notice the effort.

The other factor is, it turns out, Dylan is Ethan's best man, so he keeps showing up at events, and has various other reasons (like coordinating best man/bridesmaids things) to keep reaching out to Carrie beyond the winery deal. She's so standoffish with him, and it's clear he's fascinated by her, you know it's only a matter of time before she starts taking a liking to him.

When Katie lets Carrie know that she and Ethan have new ideas for the direction of the company, Carrie puts her plan into high gear, and gets her BFF/Assistant to book a fancy dinner, a jet to Vegas, a reservation at the 24 hour chapel and a room at the Bellagio. Her proposal to Paul is as clumsy as you might expect, and as you also might expect, Paul is gay. Everyone knew it (or at least suspected), except Carrie. She gets drunk and drunk calls Dylan, who picks her up and escorts her home.

Eventually Carrie and Katie have it out and Katie asks her what she really wants, and Carrie doesn't know, at all. Until she does.

A switch filps and Carrie is all love and sunshine at Katie's wedding. She tells her sister she's resigning, and later we learn from Dylan that she's been accepted as the new CEO of the struggling winery she was trying to take over. Her and Dylan dance, and they kiss and it's a bright new future ahead.

The Formulae:One of the Hallmarkie staples is a Christmas or Christmas Eve deadline. Usually it's the background story to the female lead who has left the big city for the perfect small town, and realizing their big corporate job is sucking the life out of them, but also still nailing the assignment. Here though, it's almost a race against time. Katie is getting married on Christmas, and the only way Carrie can be assured the company is to beat her to the pulpit. Also, there's a cookie baking sequence up at Dylan's cabin where he's holding the bachelor/ette party.

Unformulae: This is what happens when a Hallmarkie scriptwriter is allowed to be unfiltered, they actually craft a story that features a complicated lead, with a wild scenario and manages to eke out some real comedy and drama out of it all. Also, LGBT representation, not just Paul's late outing (so obvious though) but also Ethan and Dylan's lesbian friends who pop in for some expert comic relief a couple of times. Also, while in recent years Hallmarkies let their protagonists drink alcohol, we rarely, if ever, see them get completely blotto like we see Carrie get here. Macallan is an excellent drunk performer. I also like that the lead character here is completely oblivious to the fact that she's having a romance up until the last couple scenes. She's so career-focussed that thinking about boys is still basically about her career. Also, the film takes place over quite a few months, which is atypical. Usually Hallmarkies take place in December so they can cram as much Christmas into frame as possible.

True Calling? Yeah, it works. It's actually quite a good hook for a title. It really makes you ask "why, why marry by Christmas?"

The Rewind: Carrie's drunk dialing Dylan is a highlight of the movie and worth a rewatch, particularly how it involves the bartender.

The Regulars: Surprisingly no regulars except Casie Tabanou and Ali Spuck, the writers who write a lot of Hallmarkies.

How does it Hallmark? Despite not really playing into the conventions, it also doesn't break too far afield from what a Hallmarkie is, but it's still really really good. Certainly better than average. Both funny and charming, with great performances from pretty much all players. Macallan and Bowlby are so believable as sisters, and with two veteran TV performers as their parents, it's a real quality family unit on screen. Loughlin is not your typical Hallmark hunk, but his genuine nice guy act starts really paying dividends. Loughlin convincingly portrays Dylan being enamoured by Carrie even as she continually dismisses him.

How does it movie? For the limited budget this Marvista production had, they largely get good mileage out of it. At times the set decoration, hair or wardrobe doesn't quite meet the demands of the scene, so no, it's not big screen quality, but still, very enjoyable.

How Does It Snow?  No snow. I don't know where it's supposed to be set, but they didn't even pretend to have snow. It was a dry, white-less Christmas.

Toast & Kent's XMas (2025) Advent Calendar: Day 12 - Debbie Macomber's Joyful Mrs. Miracle

2024, Peter Benson (The Santa Stakeout) -- download

The last of the leftovers! And a proper Hallmark! And part of a series, though I have only ever seen one -- Mrs. Miracle. I guess the premise of the series (of books it is based on) is that an Xmas Angel comes down to Earth to butt into people's lives?

The Draw: Because I liked the ancient one we watched, so.... why not. And Magic; I am always up for Magic, even Xmas Angel Magic.

HERstory: This is more of a Family Story, but it does start with a flashback setup with a Wealthy Girl in love with her Stable Boy, a tale as old as time, except his father, who is the proper stable hand of the uber wealthy family, cautions his son against falling in love with her -- after all, they are The Help.

Flash Forward. Grannie Vivian has passed away (OMG I am not sure I have ever heard a movie or TV show use the term of endearment 'Grannie' before, as my family does) and the three kids she raised (Dead Parents!) are coming home to settle her affairs. 

We have divorced mom Charlotte (Pascal Lamothe-Kipnes, DC's Legends of Tomorrow), the Wealthy Girl above, and her two brothers: Benedict (Matthew James Dowden, The Chicken Sisters), the upstanding one, flying home from the UK, and Henry (Max Lloyd-Jones, Hotel for the Holidays) who we meet as he promises some New Jersey gangster types that he will get them their money soon. All three kids are also expecting to be instated as the Board Member of their grandmother's company. And we have Austin (Tanner Novlan, Roswell, New Mexico), the Stable Boy mentioned above, who came back to the family's mansion after his father got sick. He ended up taking care of Grannie Vivian in return for the care she provided his father, before the man passed. Austin is now.... house caretaker?

Almost immediately after their arrival, along comes Mrs Merkin Merkel, which fans of the series are supposed to catch is akin to "miracle". This Mrs. Merkel states she is here on behalf of their grandmother, to help execute the will by casing the joint appraising the items for auction, arranging for the house to be put up for sale and other money money money things. She even has a hand written letter from Grannie. They are suspicious but Mrs. Merkel has an almost toxic positive personality and an ability to put everyone at ease, including Charlotte's son who is Hallmarkie coded neuro-divergent -- in Olden Days, he would be called "a sensitive child" but his mother says he has anxiety. He does not easily warm to people but Mrs. Merkel instantly draws him from his shell.

So, yes, a Hallmarkie Royal doesn't even get to play one of the Romantic Leads, but is Designated Magic Person, a role which has been played by Older Women in past movies. Rachel Boston is a decade younger than me! Can't people over 40 have meet cutes anymore?

Note: I watched this movie without making notes, so the recap will be less note-by-noteworthy.

This movie has the romance rekindled element as a side-plot. The primary plot is that of Mrs. Merkel drawings these arguing siblings (well, really its just the two brothers being combative) back together to resolve their differences and come together as a family, at Xmas. And since I have softened on the tropes, I was OK with it. Other reviewers have compared the squabbles to Succession but I have not seen that show, so I cannot say, but its not surprising that a Hallmarkie would draw upon something in the zeitgeist. 

So, Mrs. Merkel. Well, she should be a Mrs, but she never really presents as one. She's just a single kooky lady who constantly spouts off cheerful anachronistic aphorisms and has one magic gag -- her purse, from which she can pull any object, no matter how big or how long. No one, not even the kid, seems to catch on about her Bag of Holding -- its all done for our benefit. While she's supposed to be work work work, getting all Grannie's possessions ready for auction (which bothered me; shouldn't the kids want their grandmother's nostalgic possessions?) she is also butting into their lives constantly, but with such openness and positivity that they forgive instantly.

Conspicuous Wealth abounds!

The central plot, that all the kids want that seat on the board, but for all their own reasons, gets resolved by Mrs. Merkel pulling them together for Xmas, for family memories, for Charlotte's son. Austin the Stable Boy just sort of runs around in the background mooning over Charlotte and doing whatever Mrs. Merkel needs doing. He knows, once this is all done and done, that he is out of a job, out of a house, so they add in the idea that he is Good with Horse and Good with Kids, so... why not become a Horese Therapist? Not therapy for horses, but providing therapy by having kids work with horses -- the kind of therapy only uber wealthy people would consider. But via some minor shenanigans, everyone does pull together.

Austin and Charlotte acknowledge they still care for each other, despite living entirely other lives (and income brackets) and the two brothers put their differences aside, remembering that they would sing stupid songs together. At the end of the movie, they come to an agreement that they will ALL be on the Board of Directors, equally and together. Charlotte will be Chair, but the others will contribute as BoD Members do. Happy Happy. And the romantic pair agree to head to Maine where Austin will become a Horse Therapist, and Charlotte will alternate between doing local law work and heading her spot on the Board. Afterall, they are richy rich so jetting back to The Big City for Board Meetings is not a big deal.

Mrs. Merkel's job is done. Art is packed up, auctions are being held, loan sharks are paid.

The Formulae: Not a whole lot, but we do have a lovely, reserved Xmas Event as the siblings resurrect their Grannie's traditional Xmas Party giving Charlotte the opportunity to wear a breathtaking red dress. The party is supposed to be For the Community, but I guess it was a community of the other owners of mansions in the area. We also get the brothers bonding over sawing down an Xmas Tree, and the montage of the family all decorating the tree together. Mrs Merkel takes a break from being a buttinski to bake cookies from an 1890 recipe -- I am guessing it had a bucket of lard in them. Of course, Charlotte and Austin getting back together and figuring out a way to make work work work, well, work, is there. Oh, and I think I already mentioned "conspicuous wealth" as I have been noticing more and more of late.

Unformulae: In that the primary plot is not about romance, but about family connections.

True Calling? Oh, she is very very fucking Joyful.

The Rewind: Not really any moments of such, but always a chuckle when her arm disappears full length into the purse to pull out something like... carrots fresh from a garden. Really? Wouldn't that purse smell... rank?

The Regulars: I am thinking its only Rachel Boston who is the regular, but I cannot help but point out that Tanner Novlan, who plays Austin, is the "Liberty Biberty" guy from the TV ad.

How does it Hallmark? In this new-ish world of trying to  have less trope-laden, more "well-rounded" romance and other dramatic element-based stories, I guess it did OK? The Debbie Macomber world aspect was lacking IMO as Mrs Miracle should be more.... miraculous, not just using a mid-level D&D magic item. But I am happy they barely touched on the Xian idea she is an angel.

How does it movie? I think if the Hallmarkie Xmas movies are going to depart from the formulas, they should, as Kent has found in many of his examples, try to be better, proper Xmas TV Movies. This does not. While its a likeable enough movie with decent characters and just-above-tepid chemistry (again, the romance wasn't the focus) between Mains, it was not, by any means, a good movie.

How Does It Snow? Cotton Batting Abounds, BUT they did do a bunch of scenes where it was supposed to be massively snowing in the background, but when characters would "walk in from the snow" they wouldn't have a flake on them, like at all.