I Saw This!! What I have been watching - 2025 edition (Part B)

(Part A here)

 I Saw This (double exclamation point) is our [retired?] feature wherein Kent(!) or Toasty attempt to write about a bunch of stuff they watched some time ago and meant to write about but just never got around to doing so. But we can't not write cuz that would be bad, very bad.  

What I Have Been (or Am) Watching is the admitted state of me (usually Toast, but Kent this time) spending too much time in front of the TV and not writing about it. Bad Kent! Bad! But it's in part because Kent is tired and busy can't review everything.

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Slow Horses Season 5 - 6/6 episodes
created by Will Smith (no, not *that* one)
Season 1 | 2 | 3 | 4

I've written a fair bit about Slow Horses over the past few years, and although I have not went back and reread what I wrote, I imagine my statements about the show are pretty repetitive at this point. It's probably my favourite show on TV right now and each season is just as gorge-inducing as the last.

Of course Gary Oldman's performance as head of these MI-5 rejects at Slough House was, is and will remain the biggest draw of the show, in no small part to how Oldman balances being absolutely rude and disgusting with being exceptionally hyper-competent. You want to hate him but can't help but be impressed and entertained by him. You never want to be stuck in a room with that guy though.

This latest season to a very big step forward in balancing the time and attention the main cast of characters is given. For much of the first for seasons River Cartwright (Jack Lowden) has been central focus with Lamb and Kristen Scott Thomas' MI-5 head Diana Taverner being the backbone of the whole thing, but this season steps back from the three and spotlights the Diana's incompetent boss Claude Whelan (James Callas), a political appointee, as well as Slough House's resident intolerable egotist incel Roddy Ho (Christopher Chung) and agent-with-an-addiction Shirley Dander (Aimee-Ffion Edwards).

The House is still reeling from the previous season's very personal attack which claimed the life of Shirley's partner Marcus, and Shirley's either going to fall off the wagon or kill someone, and she seems exceptionally paranoid. But Lamb knows they're in the paranoia business and when it looks like an Agent might have been attacked (such as when Ho was almost run over if not for Shirley's intervention) there's maybe more going on than it appears. That it happens just after a courtyard massacre also seems more than coincidental.

Ho, who improbably finds himself with an incredibly attractive girlfriend, winds up in deep, deep trouble when his blind desperation for female affection maybe compromises the entirety of MI-5. And Whelan faces pressure from a ultra-right wing mayoral candidate who has blackmailing dirt on him. 

These all seem like kind of disparate threads, but the way they are woven together pull tighter and tighter over its six episodes and it's deliciously intense and quite satisfying by the end of it as the Slow Horses board seems to get completely reset.

While the bad guys of the season are virtually paper thin, with only the hint of a meaningful journey presented around them, this winds up being one of the most rollicking and propulsive of the series. And as always I got to the end and just wanted more.

A series rewatch might be called for 2026 (or maybe time to dive into Mick Herron's novels?).

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Man on the Inside Season 2 - 8/8 episodes
created by Michael Schur
season 1

It seems a few months and a few cases have passed with Charles (Ted Danson) working for Julie's (Lilah Rich creek) detective agency. The notoriously stand-offish private investigator seems to have warmed a little bit to Charles' accompaniment, and though it's never ever uttered in the show, it just may be he's kind of the annoying father figure she never had.

But Charles has been kind of bored by the usual cases that pass through a P.I.'s office, so when the opportunity comes for Charles to go back undercover, he excitedly leaps for it. This time he needs to go inside a local, beloved community college as a guest professor (his former vocation) to help the administration suss out who is threatening them as they look to close a spurious deal with a billionaire graduate.

Almost immediately upon entering the campus, Charles meets-cute with Mona, a former pop-rock chanteuse who's now the music teacher at the College. Mona is flighty but also extremely forward and she takes as much of a shine to Charles as he does to her. Mary Steenburgen, to who Danson is married to in real life, plays Mona, and their chemistry is undeniable. It's super charming and even a quite hot, as far as septuagenarian romance goes. 

Where last season had the focus of Charles still coping with the loss of his wife and his retirement from teaching by meeting people of a similar age in a retirement home, and learning how to live and be vital again, this season circles around Charles' troubles with entering and navigating a new relationship, a new personality in his life. It's a little less meaty, but a lot more cute.

Meanwhile Julie's mom, Vanessa (Constance Marie) enters the picture, and we both learn more about why Julie is the no-nonsense woman she is, but also about the very challenging mother-daughter relationship they have. Also Jason Mantzoukas plays Vanessa's lover with that typical manic Mantzoukas energy to hilarious effect.

The cast at the college isn't quite as robust as the seniors home in season 1, although David Strathairn, Sam Huntington, Jill Talley, and Michaela Conlin all are good in their roles, it's super sweet to see that Charles has maintained contact with everyone at the retirement home and so Stephanie Beatrix, Stephen McKinley Henderson, Sally Struthers and John Getz all make welcome returns. So too does Charles amusing family of dunderheaded grandsons and Mary Elizabeth Ellis as his daughter Emily and Eugene Cordero as her supportive husband Joel.

It's a comedy with a bit of a P.I./mystery twist, that ultimately becomes about family and found family. Like other Schur projects, it abounds with heart as much as humour and reminds us that constantly reminds us that even when we differ it's still possible to get along.

It's such a lovely and gentle show, teeming with big laughs and great performances. I hope we get more for years to come.

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Down Cemetery Road Season 1 - 8/8 episodes
created by Morwenna Banks

There have been a lot of good series that have come and gone starring actors I like quite a bit that I haven't watched a second of, so it would be disingenuous of me to tell you that I was immediately drawn to Down Cemetary Road based on the pairing of Ruth Wilson and Emma Thompson. I mean, it did seem an alluring idea, but the fact that it was based on a Mick Herron novels, so it may carry some of that Slow Horses juice was all the kick I needed to make it a must watch.

The plot finds Wilson's character, art restorer Sarah Tucker, getting in over her head when she starts investigating an explosion that happened in her friend's neighborhood. A man and woman were killed and a young girl, a friend of her friend's child, was hospitalized. Sarah, for reasons she can hardly explain, is utterly invested in the well being of this suddenly orphaned girl, and she hires a private investigator to look into it. Joe Silverman (Adam Godley) looks into it, and for his efforts he is killed, but made to look like a suicide. His short-tempered, vintage punk-styled wife Zoe (Thompson) can't help how astute she is and she knows somethings up.

Each begins their own investigation that crosses each other's paths more than once, that leads them to instant danger and a government cover-up led by Hamza, a highly incompetent individual (Adeel Akhtar). We spend a fair bit of time inside the government operations, what Hamza is up to, what his superiors are up to and the episodes start to unfurl a bleak tale of weapons testing and the attempts to cover it up.

The show is at its best when Wilson and Thompson are together, which they aren't much for much of the season. The second half, once the background is all pretty much revealed, moves at a pretty cracking pace as the characters start to narrow down their objective to rescuing the little girl, and nothing else matters.

It's a show that stretches credulity at times but never fully breaks it, as these two women take on powerful agencies and face ruthless killers. But the journey is a satisfying one, and the connection between Sarah and Zoe, while not solid as steel, feels weirdly open ended. A quick peek and it seems Zoe Boehm is the center of Herron's novel series but it does look like Sarah is a part of her journey going forward.

Yes, more of Wilson and Thompson together, please.

Toast & Kent's Xmas (2025) Advent Calendar - Day 23: Window Wonderland

The Draw: Vintage Hallmark. DC Arrowverse star as lead. Paul Campbell. And because I had to get one more Hallmarkie in for Toasty.

HERstory: 

The head window dresser for the big New York department store, McGuire's, has left to a competitor, so they're without decorator. Sloan has been working at the store for 2 years, while Jake, glib Jake, snarky Jake, aggravating Jake has been with the company two months. The open position could be one of theirs if they impress Finch -- their stressed-out, tiny mustachioed boss -- with their pitches, which he's betting they will not. They have 95 years of tradition to live up to.

Sloan is super keen to get the job, but her boyfriend, high powered  Wall Street banking douche (is there any other kind?) Kenneth (Kenny) is pouting because Sloan will not be able to go to Aspen over the holidays if she gets the new job.  But he sees that she wants it, so he tells her he'll talk to old man Maguire's kid at the club and the job is hers. She declines and wants it on her own merit.

Jake poses as a sleepy artists model in the evening so he can paint in the studio after. The next morning, they're to present Tiny Mustache with their pitches for a window display. Sloan gets the south window with her pitch, and Jake gets the North window with his sketch that he just cranked out on a napkin 7 minutes before the pitch was due. They're told that each one getting window is now the competition and the one to bring in the most customers between now and Christmas(!?!? How on earth is that measurable? Are the cashiers taking a survey? What's going on here).Sloan complains that she worked all night on her pitch and Jake just cranked his out, to which Tiny Mustache says he would have got both windows if his second napkin design wasn't all smeared with frosting.

Rita (Naomi Judd) is the bitchy bathroom attendant just keepin' it real with Sloan, but of course she gets along great with smarmy Jake. Turns out she's Sloan's mom. Both Sloan and Jake get along with Mac, the window cleaner who they both chat up in the mornings. 

Sloan's window is a NY skyline with a gold cutout of the Statue of Liberty with a Santa hat on it standing in cotton batting. Jake's is Mr. and Mrs. Claus watching TV in a very green room with some pithy signage. Nobody really likes Sloan, and she's told to work on hers or lose her window to Jake. After work Sloan winds up at the art studio where Jake is once again modelling. Apparently Tiny Mustache told her to go and attend.  As she sketches his eyes, she starts to smile (in small part because Jake keeps mugging at her). After session, he shows her the painting he's been working on, but notes he can't finish it. He also notes his real desire is to be an artist, but he's struggling in NY and everyone back in his Maine small town is taking bets on when he's coming back, tail between his legs.

At dinner with her mom and Uncle Jimmy? Bea talks up how nice, funny and handsome Jake is... not like that ugly Kenny.
Their next window displays are Yoga Santa on a surfboard against a red background, while Jake's is a wood panelled "Santa's Man Cave". Their displays are somehow getting a great write-up in the local paper (you know, the local New York City paper) and sales are indeed up, so good work you two. Tiny Moustache says someone is definitely getting the promotion.

And then we learn that Jake actually living in the store. Bea tells Sloan she should invite Kenneth to their family "Christmas Eve Eve" event,but he's busy, and she then suggests Jake. Next morning Jake and Sloan chat up Mac and Jake starts suggesting Mac might want to meet a nice lady... like Bea... to which Sloan immediately tries to downplay and says to Mac, just leave it to me... without telling them Bea is her mom. The next window displays are Surfing Santa and eco-conscious Santa...both, so, so, so basic and not at all impressive.  

After leaving the building for the evening, Jake does his usual sneak-back-in routine to live at the store for another night, and Sloan follows him in. The jig is up. But Sloan promises not to tell Tiny Moustache (even though it's grounds for termination and possibly illegal), but because of the alarm settings they're trapped inside until morning, meaning that Sloan is missing Kenny's office Christmas party, but Jake says he'll show her a fun time in a closed apartment store. And it's bonding time, leading to a brutal honesty exchange. Sloan confesses she is a facade, she is a window display and confesses Bea is her mom, and she's embarrassed that she's embarrassed of her mom, while Jake feels shame that he's broke and his family doesn't believe in him. They both boost each other and inspire each other to a new level of store displaying. Sloan invites him to their Christmas Eve Eve event. Then they dance for some reason and he almost kisses her, but then security comes by (wait, now there's security? Where've they been this whole time? And there's no alarm on the rooftop door) and they hide behind the cosmetics counter until morning.

The Times comes by and takes pictures of them...absolutely terrible pictures. At dinner with Kenny, Sloan apologizes for missing the party, but Kenny said he feels sorry that she had to be trapped in the store with "that guy" and she lets slip that he's been slipping there. Kenny immediately wants to call his dad and tell old man Maguire, to get Jake fired and Sloan the job. The next day Mac lets slip that Jake has the security alarm codes and they didn't spend the night together by force, it was Jake's choice. Complication! She thinks he's trying to sabotage her, and oblivious that he just likes her. That's Kenny thinking, Sloan.

They toil through the night, and the next morning, Jake and Rita and Sloan are all chatting outside the back of the store. Kenneth rolls up in his limo and offers to take Sloan to Aspen one last time, but she declines. Then Kenny calls Rita over and drops some change in her mug of hot coffee. Sloan admonishes him, and then admits that Rita is her mom. Kenneth doesn't understand her confession, and it's hard to tell if Kenny is just being shallow and doesn't like that his girlfiend's mom is a bathroom attendant, or that she was lying to him. Probably the former.  

Jake shows Sloan his final pitch, and she thinks he's deliberately throwing the competition. He admits that he is, that it just means more to Sloan than him. At Christmas Eve Eve, Jake has showed up, surprising Sloan, and even more of a surprise, Jake has brought Mac as his plus one. And Mac and Rita admit they've been sweet on each other for quite a while. It's tur-dunkin' time (a turkey friend in Dunkin Donuts batter) and bun tossin' time. Sloan sees Jake having fun, and it's evident she realizes that Kenneth would never, ever, ever fit in this scene.

The Christmas Eve window unveiling ... Jake's display is just cookies and milk and a Santa hat. Minimalism. "Jake," Tiny Moustache says incredulously, "we're a department store, excess is what we do". Sloan's is a live display, a Christmas dinner scene with actors, that turns into a family food fight, but not the fun and playful display from her family gathering the night before. It gets uncomfortably brutal. People are repulsed. And Tiny Mustache fires them both! Oops. Now not only is Jake jobless, but homeless as well.

Sloan finds Jake at the art studio, apologizes to him, explains that she lost herself somewhere along the way, and asks him if they want to break back into the store and fix the mess. Along the way Kenny pulls up in his limo, with flowers (because Colorado is snowed in) and they have it out. Kenny, "I'm willing to overlook those people," and Sloan sniffs out that Kenny was on a date with the perfume counter girl. Yeah, this bullshit isn't going to work. Yeah, fuck that guy.

They get the display set up, but also set off the alarm trying to leave and they get arrested. But then a limo pulls up, and they think Kenny, first, but then the cuffs are taken off. Turns out, it's Old Man McGuire... Mac! Their friend the window washer is rich, and owns the department store, and loves these crazy kids and digs Sloan's mom. Their new window displays is a "classy" dinner table setup, and a living room display with Sloan and Jake as live models and Jake's painting and they make out.

The Formulae:Well, Sloan's got a dick boyfriend, that's classic holiday romance stuff. There's a sort of Christmas deadline/promotion angle the characters' journey as well. And of course there's the starting off as rivals only to fall for each other. And so many establishing shots of New York City. Honestly, I was expecting for a vintage Hallmark movie that there would be more tropes.

Unformulae: No Christmas tree shopping, no cookie baking, no snowball fights, no skating, no cotton batting as snow, no dead parents/spouse, no child and/or precocious niece/nephew, no hot chocolate or cider, no Christmas market, no perfect small town, no big city girl needing to get back to her roots.... close to nada formulae.

True Calling? All the window displays were fucking atrocious. Have the filmmakers and set decorators never, like, ever seen a Christmas window displays before? These are all...how do you say... tacky as fuck. They're like 2000s era hipster ironic, meaning in 2013 they were out of date already.  They're embarrassing. Sloan should be embarrassed, Jake should be embarrassed, the set designer and director and everyone involved should be embarrassed. There's not a single display they show us that is even on the cusp of being "good".

The Rewind: There were quite a few funny lines, a lot of wee chuckles here (upon receiving a window display, Jake starts into an acceptance speech ending with "...and of course I wouldn't be sitting here today without...this chair"). Paul Campbell's Jake is 100% styled after Jeff Winger on Community, in look and attitude. That's not the only Community riff, composer James Jandrisch (whom we had to rewind to find out right back to the beginning because he's not credited in the end credits) seems to be riffing on Ludwig Goransson's Community soundtrack work with its whistles and keyboard instrumentals.

The Regulars: Paul Campbell is a Hallmark hunk and one of the best of them. One of the three wisest one might even say. Always enjoy him and he's so... youthful here. Chyler Leigh, who played Kara's sister Alex in the Supergirl TV series (and across the Arrow verse), I was certain I had seen in a Hallmarkie before, but could not find anything in her IMDB profile, so this is it. Cameron Matheson was a Hallmark hunk until he jumped ship for Great American Family, the right wing a-hole alternative to Hallmark (I liked him in the Christmas Club fwiw) but he does too good a job being the dick BF here, and I don't like him at all. Naomi Judd isn't really the well known Judd in the acting realm, but she's got this, 1999's "A Christmas Romance" and 2014's "An Evergreen Christmas" (Before you get excited, Toasty, it's unrelated to the Christmas in Evergreen series and, in fact, the main character's name is "Evergreen"...let that sink in). Christie Liang plays the perfume counter girl who flirts with Kenny... she's been a bunch of these, but most before 2020 (she's also an Arrowverse veteran, having played Diggle's sister(?) in Arrow).

How does it Hallmark? Hey, I was kinda charmed. I thought Campbell was fun, Leigh didn't do that whisper talking thing she's prone to doing when she wants to be dramatic much (only once, I think), and the film felt situationally unique. Like I noted, not a lot of tropes in this one. It's not a top tier, but it's certainly upper middle.

How does it movie? It's...no. It's not. Let's not fool ourselves here. For a minute there, Hallmark seemed to flirt with "do we want to try, like...really try" but the reality is, no, they didn't want to try that hard. The only reason this seems like it's got a bigger, better budget is because they got to shoot in a department store in Vancouver at night, and that gave them sets that felt tangible and real.  But then you get to those window displays and, oof ba boof, you can tell there was no budget for anything left and the store didn't let them raid their basement. As well, I really wanted this to be ... sexier. It would have been so much better if it had the danger of sex percolating around it.  Like what if they *had* slept together at the store when they were trapped there, but Jake had lied about them being trapped... oooh, there's a real complication. Even when Kenny is busted for having been with the perfume counter girl, it was "just drinks", but you know it wasn't, but does the movie know that it wasn't?

How Does It Snow?  The only snow is the cotton batting in the window displays. Otherwise it rains, raining that Vancouver, erm, I mean, New York rain.

Toast & Kent's Xmas (2025) Advent Calendar: Day 22 - An Alpine Holiday

2025, Lucie Guest (Jingle Bell Run) -- download

Funny, it was original called An Alpine Christmas. I wonder if, after the fact, they decided to tie it to Norwegian Holiday and strip out most of the Xmas stuff... this one is definitely more "a movie that takes place around Xmas" than an Xmas movie.

Hallmarkie Fatigue is settling in and I realize I might just have to (gasp!) actually prepare for this come next year -- as in, actually research and only watch movies that scratch the itch, instead of just downloading / clicking a bunch of random ones that check some boxes. But what am I searching for? Well, either completely bonkers weird, or adherence to a particular sub-sub-genre of the Hallmarkie that checks all the PST Xmas boxes on my Bingo card. I know I said I would relax my demands on the movies and just allow them to be but... as the fatigue is settling in, I am unable.

This was not an Xmas movie. 

The Draw: Partially to give another go at "Hallmarkie in ______", as this one is set and actually shot in the French Alps... well, for the key outdoor shots where a mountain or quite Alp village was required. The rest of the interior stuff was done in Sofia, Bulgaria. But but, that was the draw.

HERstory: This is not primarily an example of the "Main Travels to PST" trope, and the romance is actually the secondary element to the movie. It is more about the reacquainting of two somewhat estranged sisters: Faith (Ashley Williams, How I Met Your Mother) and Kelly (Lacy J Mailey, Supernatural). They are drawn together near Xmas because their grandmother, who raised them, recently passed away. Faith is a free spirit, never settling down, who wants Kelly to join her in Florida for the holiday season, while Kelly is a stayed-at-home type, still in the apartment they were raised in. 

Early in the tense interactions they are interrupted by a call from a lawyer -- they are beckoned to a meeting where they find a request from their grandmother --- travel together to Mont Blanc in the French Alps, to follow the trail grandmother and her fiancé took ages ago. Its all planned and paid for, and a guide will be waiting for them when the plane leaves. They have to do before Xmas Eve.

Initially the differences between the two sisters dominates, as Faith is more than happy to run away to France at the drop of a hat, while Kelly has work work stuff. But, of course, at the last moment she recollects how much her grandmother's wishes meant to her and chases after the Uber.

In France they meet Frédéric (Julien Marlon Samani, Tiny Beautiful Things), the schmoozy self-confident guide who wastes no time hitting on Kelly. I should probably mention that there are some years between the sisters, and Kelly is the young-enough-for-romantic-entanglement sister while Faith has her already established romantic troubles -- she's been proposed to by a longtime boyfriend, but ran away instead of saying Yes. But nobody knows this yet.

Given that Xmas plays very little in this movie, I have no desire to count the beats / tropes. Let's just say the journey is fraught with sister trauma but slowly draws out the attraction between Kelly and Frédéric. The drama between the two sisters takes the front seat in the funicular ride.

Yawn.

I found it very weird to traversing a new romance while reminiscing about one that ended in a proposal. If anything, they should have jumped the shark and have Faith's BF show up on the mountain to pop her the question a second time. But no, it was more just about instilling a sense of adventure in Kelly so she would take a chance on love she just met.

In the end, the two sisters loudly air their dirty laundry prompting Frédéric a number of times, until it comes to a head and the trio makes it to the top of the mountain, to see the spot where their grandmother and grandfather began their married life together. It sets the tone, and once back down in the lovely village of Chamonix, Kelly tells Frédéric she'd love to take a chance, and Faith decides to tell her BF the Yes Word.

One year later, Faith is preggers and ... I guess Frédéric is living in NYC with Kelly? Oh, and its Xmas again, not that it mattered.

The Formulae: Xmas barely took part in this movie. But I guess the tropes exist outside of the Hallmarkie (a label I attached purely to Xmas Time Hallmark [and type] movies) so, there is "We Just Met But I Love You", there is "I Am Not Quite Sure I Want to Commit", there are Dead Parents, Frédéric was not pursuing the life he really wanted to pursue (becoming a musician), there was some Hot Chocolate to be had, but that was more related to being on the side of a ski resort mountain than anything. Are cozy fires in a snowbound shack common enough to be a trope?

Unformulae: Its more about sister re-bonding than about the romance. There is no real PST and it might start in NYC but its not really there.

True Calling? Once they changed the name to "holiday", yes.

The Rewind: No rewind, but a few pauses at the actual shots of the tourist spots sitting on the top of peaks around Mont Blanc -- they are truly incredible and give me butterflies just imagining how they were constructed. Also, a chuckle at the memory from a photographer's review of Hallmark movies, "YOU CAN'T TAKE A SELFIE WITH THAT CAMERA !" as Kelly takes tons of selfies with a high end digital SLR that does not have an appropriate lens. 

The Regulars: I was here for Ashley Williams, who is Royalty. Laci J Mailey is a staple Canadian actor but not in Hallmarkies. Samani hasn't done any, but he was in Holidate. 

How does it Hallmark? I am not sure I can properly judge the movie on being a Hallmark movie, as the sisterly drama may be a staple out there, but it is mos def not a good Hallmarkie as Xmas barely plays out at all.

How does it movie? No.

How Does It Snow? In town, it could be October, but when on the mountain side, it was proper PROPER snow, as in trudging in blowing white out conditions.

Toast & Kent's Xmas (2025) Advent Calendar - Day 21: Finding Mr. Christmas Season 2

2025 - Hallmark Channel/W Network (8/8 episodes)

Finding Mr. Christmas is a weekly limited series that takes 10 hunky men, puts them in a house together for a week, drops them into a series of ludicrous, sometimes emasculating challenges, all of which is somehow supposed to be a fair and accurate means to judge whether they have the goods to be a Hallmark leading man. Because it worked out so well for them last time.

I can count on one hand the number of reality competitions shows I actively watch with fingers left to spare, and Finding Mr. Christmas is one of them, simply because it is so goddamn ridiculous. And it's only made more ridiculous by the fact that last year they so clearly chose perhaps the worst of their 10 candidates, resulting in one of the worst movies Hallmark has ever produced (and that's saying something, given how many inarguably bad films they churn out in a given year).

Last year's competition ran for 8 weeks, ending with the winner being announced, and days later the film starring that winner, Ezra Moreland, the dead-eyed booty-shorts bartender-turned-marine-turned-model assaulted our eyes and ears with a tone deaf, monosyllabic performance in a Hallmark holiday romance movie, Happy Howlidays. Dude seems like a nice enough guy, but there was no evidence during 8 episodes of the reality show that he had any acting competency. And this year he not only didn't lead a Hallmark film, he was scuttled into a bit part and outshone by a pre-teen performer in his scenes.

Given what a trainwreck last year's competition was, how could I not want to watch another season? To watch as the show so obviously twists its narrative in the edit to shape its decisions to drum out the people of colour or gay performers. The purpose of the show is not legitimately interested in finding the next superstar for the Network, because there's a means in which people are cast into roles in films, and a competition show just isn't it. No, instead it's just cheap and easy television filler for the network, a series that plays with beefy men's emotions, getting their hopes up that they can have a new chapter in life while pretty much embarrassing them in the process. 

I truly believe the network's purple suits had hope that with season one  the show would cultivate a dedicated following of female viewers who would be so thoroughly invested in the hunks that it would be a breeding ground for the network to put tnot just the winner but also runners up into Hallmark productions and easily have eyes on them. This was certainly not the case, and so there's a definite cynicism to season two, a definite bite of "oh, this is just absurdism for content's sake", and most of these men involved are not acutely aware of this.

This season's 10 men were:

Jake - he was a kicker in the NFL
Drake - he's a golden retriever in human form
Logan - he's a fantasy nerd, but he's buff?
Gabe - uh, he's Black Ezra... super handsome, dead eyed, no acting talent
Robbie - he's a veteran of the New York theatre scene, both acting and directing...and the gay one
Davey - he's a model, and a dad, and apparently once a Chris Hemsworth stand-in
Marcus - he's a model and...no other distinguishing characteristics
Craig - he thinks he's funny, and also thinks he can rap
Rustin - he plays music
Angel - he's an angel in human form. A beautiful, kind-hearted man with a gorgeous smile, even more gorgeous hair, a ton of charisma, and an accent so thick you can slice it off like cheese. He's also the most accomplished actor in the season, perhaps next to Robbie.

Each episode the men compete in a "Festive Face-off" which reveals next to nothing about their acting ability, but maybe, possibly, ever so slightly reveals a little of their character as a person? Hallmark can't have, like, shallow egocentric vainglorious bigots on their network, right? That's what "Great American Family" channel is for.

Following the Festive Face-off is the "Star Quality Challenge", which should hopefully show off the acting ability of these men in situations that would be probable on a Hallmark movie, often with a Hallmark celeb as scene partner. Other times, it's just about taking pictures, which is where the models obviously get a chance to shine brighter over their acting counterparts.

The "Festive Face-off" winner(s) then get an advantage over the other contestants, sometimes it's a big deal, like when it allows them to watch the other contestants perform before it's their turn, or in one case where the winner got immunity from elimination and had the choice to keep it for themselves or give it to one of the other men. But sometimes the advantage is just something stupid like choosing the order in which they perform, or which reindeer the other men get to be in a photo shoot.

I think this season really attempted to showcase acting more, but those Festive Face-offs where they were trying to run up a hill on a soaped-up slip and slide, or where they were trying to navigate a Christmas-themed obstacle course without making any noise, proved absolutely nothing, as entertaining as they were.

The most ludicrous part of the show is before and between the challenges where the men sit in various locations around the house or estate and have to engage with one another off-script, but obviously prompted by the producers about what they should be doing or saying, and it's soooo clear that none of these guys have any improv training. It should be part of the competition, how believable they can be in these prompted moments, holding empty cups and pretending to bond with these other guys.

I'm not going to break down each episode (you're welcome), but the key thing to note is that, for the most part, the show has done a decent job of ...eventually... eliminating the weakest players. There have been absurd wins and equally absurd eliminations (and absurd edits and overdubs to explain the absurd decisions being made), but the only outright error was in eliminating Robbie, who won many of the Star Quality challenges because he's an experienced actor and legitimately knows what he's doing. He got eliminated primarily because he didn't take control of a scene and got steamrolled by one of the other actors. He wasn't the worst actor of the day, but he's gay and you just know that Hallmark isn't going to choose a gay man as the winner of their "find our next Hallmark hunk" competition show. Even if Jonathan Bennett, the host of this very same competition show is a gay man.

And like last year, where one of the finalists had been a cast member of Hamilton for five years and lost to Ezra, you just know the show is looking for reasons to eliminate the persons of colour. Here it's Gabe, Marcus and Angel. Gabe was an easy one, because he kept freezing or blowing his takes. Marcus' acting was not great and getting fourth place is a bit of a shock. That Angel, beautiful Angel, with his Venezuelan accent that trips him up a little bit, made it to the final, is both shocking but also maybe a sign that this whole competition isn't completely rigged, because he's clearly the most charismatic of the men they assembled and probably the best actor in spite of the accent.

It's interesting to note that first episode announces that they have the chance to win "a lead role in a Hallmark holiday movie" to "a leading role in a Hallmark movie". The word choice is key, because it's the difference of being the male romantic lead of one of their Christmas romances, to being like a family member or best friend in an ensemble cast for a "spring themed" or "fall themed" movie, which are not nearly as high profile. The spectre of Ezra Moreland looms large. They gambled big last season and it was an embarrassing loss.

But at the same time, there was something so attractive and so dangerously alluring about the competition leading directly into a new Christmas movie that it seems such a shame not to repeat it. But, I imagine, that if you're a Hallmark leading man or leading lady, it must be pretty rough to be paired up or even compared against a "competition winner". Seriously, Hallmark is not exactly known for its quality acting, but the stars of the channel are talented performers who have had careers that predate Hallmark movies, so to put them in the same light as a competition winner sort of devalues the "Hallmark leading man" status, and so perhaps putting the winner of the competition through their paces in smaller roles in smaller vehicles is maybe the right thing to do.

The finale does away with the Festive Faceoff and instead is a three-part acting challenge where the finalists (Craig, Rustin and sweet Angel of mercy) get two take at three different connecting scenes ending with a kiss with Erin Krakow. Craig does decent in some scenes, pretty good in others, and kind of rushes another... and his kisses with Erin grossed me out (it's like he was trying to conceal her lips with his). Rustin I would say was the most uneven of the contestants, but when he was hitting, he was really, really hitting with a charm offensive. Angel was consistant the whole way but his inability to improvise naturally was evident.

In the end Craig is victorious. If it wasn't obvious, Angel was clearly my favourite. Just an absolute charm machine who would liven up any Hallmark movie in pretty much any role, but it would have to be tailored a bit to him. Craig was a ... weird choice, but the show seemed, basically by episode 5, clearly setting him up for the win with JB and cohost Melissa Peterman praising him extensively for his sense of humour and acting ability (which maybe wasn't quite as evident to the viewing audience).

At least he's... better than Ezra.

*micdrop*

---

Moments of note:

- Twice, Craig, who wins this damn thing, decides he's going to rap. Once because he's prompted by the host to do so, and the other because one of the Star Quality challenges was a talent show. Craig, lets be blunt, can rap, but not well. It's like Craig's understanding of rap started, and stopped at Vanilla Ice. Also Craig's modelling idol (as his resting face is Vanilla Ice duck lips), and his dancing idol (since his on-stage movement when performing seemed to be Vanilla Ice-coded) and maybe even his acting idol (Go Ninja, Go Ninja, Go!). If it was a bit, he really needed to play into it more, but it seemed like he genuinely believes he can rap and that he's talented at it. Also, the show hilariously would cut to Marcus and Gabe for their reactions whenever Craig would "rap".

- In the same talent show competition, Robbie decided he would try stand-up comedy for the first time, and calling his material weak sauce would be insulting to the weak sauces out there. It wound up being a roast of Jonathan Bennett to which it would cut to Jonathan forceably cracking up off stage (he was the only one).

- In the Star Quality challenge where he gets eliminated, Davey (and the other remaining men) are acting against the luminous Ashley Williams. It's a picnic scene, and it's about flirting and connection. On the picnic table is a nice spread of food, and Davey, an stunningly handsome man with muscles for days, can not stop eating grapes in the scene...just grape after grape after grape, big bulbous green grapes which he awkwardly pop into his mouth before he starts chewing. Never a more justified send-home after a catastrophic performance. But also, all those muscles need fuel, so clearly the man's gotta be constantly eating.

- One of the Star Quality challenges had the men having to act against Alison Sweeney, but on horseback. Many of these guys had never been on horses before. At one point Craig is about to go behind the horse and it gives him a little warning. That was almost a very bad elimination for Craig.

- In the penultimate episode, the Festive Face-off finds the remaining four men facing off against... their mothers. Their challenge was to write their moms a letter and then their moms are revealed and they had to read their letters to them. Tears flowed, and you saw both genuine softness and heart. It was pretty sweet, but to what end? It literally had no bearing on the competition. 

Toast & Kent's Xmas (2025) Advent Calendar: Day 20 - The 12 Days of Christmas Eve

2022, Dustin Rikert (Next Stop, Christmas) -- download

I didn't mean to follow a movie directed by Rikert with another movie by Rikert, this time for the Lifetime channel, which showed in its [lack of] budget; its terribly terribly low budget. There is no way Kelsey Grammer cost that much. And this movie is a stinker, despite gathering itself together in the final act, once Brian Conway (Kelsey Grammer, tossed salads & scrambled eggs) starts bending to the will of Psycho Santa and becoming a better person. 

Since I am not recapping the movie, as we generally don't do such for the Loopty posts, I have to say a few things about the movie. I must have uttered, out loud, "WTF !!" at least half a dozen times. The movie has so many record-scratch, head-scratching moments of dumbfounding weird choices. 

And no, this is not a remake of a 2004 loopty movie with the same name.

How did the Loop Begin?
Our main character, Scrooge analog, Brian Conway, owner of a "family business" electronic store chain, drives off a bridge, on Xmas eve, while avoiding an escaped reindeer. He "wakes up" in a cozy room talking to Santa who says, "Yep yer dead," but offers him 12 do-overs in order to learn The Real Meaning of Xmas. Conway doesn't want to die, so he accepts, but its not like he really has a choice. Or does he? Santa does gesture upwards when talking about the After Life so there's at least that choice? Go to Heaven now or drop back down to NYC and fight to make money?

What was the main character's first reaction to the Loop?
Selfishness. Annoyance and ... well, instant death. On his way out of his office building, distracted by this repeating morning, he slips on ice and cracks his skull open, and poof, he's back in Santa's chair. One loop wasted. Also, dark!!

WHY did the main character get put into the Loop? Can someone else be brought into the Loop?
Because he's a horrible person who is horrible to his daughter & granddaughter, runs his company terribly and is terrible to everyone he meets. "You have until the end of the day to write a proper proposal, even if you have to work through the night," he says on Xmas Eve. Santa is either offering him a chance to set things right, or vindictive. I go with the latter.

No, no one else can be brought into the loop. Santa only has it out for Brian.

How long is this time Loop? What resets it? Can you force the reset?
Its as long as he lives through it, because, and hold onto your suspenders for this one --- if Santa finds Brian screwing up whatever misguided attempt he is making at "improving as a person", Santa just kills Brian. Kicked off a balcony by a dog, electrocuted, crushed by a chandelier, sledding accident, etc. Santa is a MURDEROUS PSYCHO. And yes, as seen in one loop, Brian can reset himself by swan diving off penthouse balcony. Seriously, WTF.

How long does the main character stay in the Loop? Does it have any affect on them, their personality, their outlook?
He gets 12 loops. He uses them all up. Does it affect his personality? Of course it does, cuz if Brian doesn't figger this shit out by the 12th loop, he dies, for real, for good. He's desperate. BUT the movie does improve as Brian improves. But it takes him a while, as these self-improvement loops usually do. 

What about the other people in the Loop? Are they aware? Can they become aware?  Does anything happen if they become aware?
No, nobody is aware, and the movie doesn't care. But for a toss-away reference to time loops in the second loop, Brian doesn't care if people know or not. He's in a Santa Magic Time Loop of his own making, so that's all consuming for him. And he fucks up so so many times.

What does the main character think about the other people in the Loop? Are they real? Do they matter?
Yes, they matter. Well, they matter once  people start mattering in general. Being a somewhat Scrooge-ish man, he really doesn't care about people at the beginning.

Most memorable event in a Loop? Most surprising event during a Loop?
Its a toss up between the third loop where Brian assumes he has an easy fix, which involves just giving people random items he bought at his own store. And he invites homeless rando's to his Xmas Event. That goes along painfully until Santa off's him. The surprising bit comes in the number of times that Brian seems to be figuring things out and then with a single response to his daughter Michelle, he undoes all his Good Will and Santa <insert finger across the throat gesture>. That happens at least three loops and is just ... terrible writing? 

How does this stack up in the subgenre?
Terribly. But also, in a small wee bit, a smidgen of a way... interestingly? I mean, when was the last time you heard of Santa murdering people as impetus for a Feel Good Xmas Movie?

Toast & Kent's Xmas (2025) Advent Calendar - Day 19: Silent Night

2021, d. Camille Griffin - Tubi

It seems to me that in creating a Christmas movie, the point is to make something that will make people want to watch it at Christmas time, to get into the festive season, to fill one's self with holiday feels, and to do it again the next year.

I can't imagine anyone watching Silent Night and thinking it a part of annual tradition.

With a quite wonderful ensemble cast, including Kiera Knightly, Matthew Goode, Lucy Punch, Kirby Howell Baptiste, Annabelle Wallis, Lily-Rose Depp, Sope Dirisu and Roman Griffin Davis (the young star of Jojo Rabbit), this pretends in its outset to be a holiday gathering of friends that promises some laughs, good times, and drama, as all ensemble films about holiday gatherings might.

What starts as weird statements, odd turns of phrases, and curious anecdotes soon reveals that a toxic gas cloud is slowly enveloping the earth, and that in the UK, the government has issued its citizens the Exit Pill, that will allow them to pass on in a quick and painless manner, sparing them from the more slow and brutal death that the gas will provide.

And so the gathering is not simply a holiday feast, but also an event for the dearest of friends to gather one last time, to speak truth and offer forgiveness and to share in each other's love one last time.

But, this isn't going to be a simple silent night. Not everyone is part of the "inner circle". Some are significant others who don't have the history and connection and are left on the outside, and some, like Art, are children who refuse to accept their fate and are angry and want to fight.

This is a deftly woven tale, with some genuinely funny moments as well as some darkly funny moments, balanced with some juicy drama built out of the vow of honesty, and some gut-wrenching intensity as the story peeks here and there into the outside world.

The ending is just as bleak as you would expect, with an aspect of sweetness and beauty to it all, but it's the aching release after 90 minutes of anticipation. There should be no joy to this world, but there's still little moments that crack the bleakness, stop it from being so dire.

I don't know who would want to watch this every Christmas, as it didn't make me feel terribly festive. That said, it's a remarkable little film, an emotional rollercoaster that's surprisingly much more evocative than I was expecting.

[not to be confused with this Silent Night]

Toast & Kent's Xmas (2025) Advent Calendar: Day 18 - Next Stop, Christmas

2021, Dustin Rikert (The Finnish Line) -- download

Whoops, this one's late!

I remember Lyndsy Fonseca from her days in the Canadian TV show Nikita, spin-off of the classic movie La Femme Nikita, which was definitely a That Guy movie. But, for me, she will always be the chirpy waitress in Agent Carter. And this movie kicked off her career in Hallmarkies!

The Draw: Fonseca (those eyes; #SWOON) and Time Travel ! I am always up for time travel.

HERstory: Dr. Angie Reynolds (Lyndsy Fonseca, Agent Carter) is a work work work doctor in NY, but really, when aren't doctors thus. But she's getting some well needed time off, as in not working through the holidays like she usually does, but instead of going home to her PST like everyone expects her to do, she just wants to head to Yonkers and hide. Christmas Magic has something else in mind.

The establisher brings up the fact that she was once engaged to Plastic SportsReporter (Eric Freeman, Katy Keene) but turned him down. Her Work BFF says she made a mistake, says he's hot -- I just see a Beardy Weirdy Ken Doll. But Ange and Work BFF bump into Angie's Hometown BFF Ben (Chandler Massey, A '90s Christmas), a guy she lost contact with ages ago. She says it was him, but we aren't convinced. She begs off and the Work BFF heads to the Hometown BFF's party while Angie heads to Penn Stn to catch the train to Yonkers.

A loud teller at Penn beckons her over and instantly we know something magical is going to happen here. Sitting at the kiosk is Doc Brown and, yeah, something is up, especially since he's dressed all old timey. He sells her a "Holiday Special Ticket" which looks like it came from the same design company that made Willy Wonka's gold tickets. She doesn't catch on.

On the train, after she nods off briefly, she awakens to see Plastic SportsReporter sitting across from her, but a younger, less beardy version. And her coat is different, and her hair is different. And its 2011, ten years earlier. And the train is different! Apparently in 2011 you could catch an old timey train to Connecticut.

This old timey steam engine becomes a prominent thing as if the production crew was very very happy they got to use it.

Angie ducks out of her seat to catch her breath and finds Conductor Brown (Christopher Lloyd, Back to the Future) sitting in the dining car, and he only kind of pretends to not know what is going on. She states emphatically that she does not want to go home, does not want to be with Plastic SportsReporter and asks for the train to turn around. He asks for her ticket and she sees half of it faded out, like that is supposed to be the gold standard (pun intended) of how people can demand magic time travelling trains should work. "Fine fine," she says, "I will figure out what you need me to do before Xmas Eve in order to go home to 2021." Angie doesn't seem all that bent out of shape by the idea that Xmas Magic is real. It all strikes her as just a fun challenge.

So, first challenge -- say Yes to Plastic... OK, let's call him by name, Tyler. But first, we have to meet everyone. Dad picks them up at the station, and he is not in Arizona (forgot to mention earlier; her parents are broken up, Dad moved to AZ). Sis and husband have their first child Henrik. Mom (Lea Thompson, Back to the Future; ohhhh it wasn't just the train they snagged), with the artfully placed dab of flour dust on her face, is just happy everyone is home. And we hear about Aunt Myrt, the town rich lady whom everyone considers family. Everyone wants a rich aunt. And Boomer the dog is alive.

First up, TREE HUNTING ! Of course, its the tree lot where BFF Ben works as a Santa with a weird gangster Santa voice. He and Tyler lock eyes -- RIVALRY. You can see, instantly and obviously, that Ben loves Angie and he's been friend-zoned most of his life... let's not use that term, considering its distinct connection to the incel mindset. Ben is mos def in love with Angie, and they are perfect together, the banter being On Point, but no one has taken the next step. Ben seems to be just pining. 

But wait,  there is a reason for all this...

After a long day of train rides and tree hunting, Angie nods off on the sofa and BING, she's back on the train. She argues with Conductor Brown about what's going on, he obfuscates and the train arrives again. When Angie steps off, there is a magic bloop and she's at Ben's Santa shop, no explanation of how she went from her mom's sofa to here but for.... Xmas Magic! There's no train anymore, just the tree lot.

Fonseca is having a ball with the physical comedy of playing this confused but enthusiastic young lady. Its incredibly corny and hokey but she's constantly gesturing wildly. I don't know why, but I found it funny and endearing. Probably the eyes.

So, this is where the friendship comes into play. Rather than just blunder through this magical time travel event, she actually tells Ben what is going on, immediately, over breakfast (remember, its the next morning, magically) and he is, of course, confused and worried. But she has plans, plans to show him how she is time travelling and how she has to fix .... something. Cuz that's how time travel magic works. Fix something, and then you can go home.

That evening, Ben comes over for Gingerbread House making, mainly for the benefit of the kid, but also so... Ben can choke on a gumdrop and Ange can go, "SEE ! SEE ! I told you I knew the future, and I still saved your life just like I did when this originally happened!" Tyler is more and more noticing the two's connections, but Ange is just waiting for tonight to come, the night when 10 years prior (or now) Tyler proposed, and she said no.

Exceeeept, this time Tyler is even more work work work than she remembered, mainly because her hanging more with Ben is allowing him to have more time with his phone, and he accepted a job offer. That night is not about proposals but about him being distracted by work. 

Of note, Angie is also noticing the disconnect between her parents. Even ten years ago (or now) they had been drifting, which eventually leads to the break up. She needs to find out why and does lots of poking and prying. Mom's playing dumb. And we are getting a side plot about sis not being able to get pregnant. All of this is meant to hint that Angie from 2011 was so distracted by medical school that she was missing all the things going on in other family member's lives.

For a fluffy Hallmarkie, this one wants more complications than most.

Ben is going to be invited over for decorating, but Ange still needs to get Tyler in the proposing mindset, so she arranges a fake-GF for Ben through Aunt Myrt's granddaughter, a bubbly vacuous nice girl who is more than enthusiastic to play the role, which is kind of weird, and Ben plays along though he is less than enthusiastic about it. 

It kind of works? Tyler does propose, but... back on the train, Angie voices her frustration that she only has half a ticket. Ben is not jazzed by all this. Angie's next attempt is to repair the relationship she had always assumed she had with her sister, but was too distracted to notice she was... too distracted. Angie has a lot of misconceptions about the past for a girl who obviously spent all her time avoiding it. That doesn't work. Then finally, she hits on the real deal -- make sure her parents reignite the spark and don't break up eight years later! She talks to Aunt Myrt, professes a need to recreate the night of their first meeting at Aunt Myrt's first annual Xmas Party. It works, Mom in a hot pink 35 year old dress dazzles Dad and ... fireplace relit. Buuuut Angie is still in 2011, and Conductor Brown is not helping, and reminds her time is running out.

Then sis gives Angie something that she should have had given to her many many years ago, before this repeat 2011 -- a note from Ben that was supposed to be hidden inside a Secret Santa gift from him. A note professing his love and asking to move their friendship to the next level. She never responded, he assumed it was not what she wanted, and just left it at that, while still pining. But reading the note, Angie realizes what is going on and ... with an incredibly thin stretch of emotional development, realizes she has loved Ben all along, all her life. She tosses the ring back in Tyler's face, who is more than happy to catch his flight to Barcelona (a soccer thing) and.... the gold ticket is full. Buuuuut before she can confess everything to Ben face to face, the train is beckoning and Conductor Brown says, "Its now or never...." She does not want to live 10 years of her life over again, so she calls Ben, tells him she loves him and says, "Meet me on Xmas Eve at Fancy Resto and 10pm!" Back in 2021, that will just be later that day.

Exceeeept, Angie is called in and work work works (saving lives) through the deadline. She grabs a fancy green dress from her locker (she has fancy dresses in her work locker?!?!?) and runs to the resto to find --- it closing. Its Xmas Eve lady, can we just go home? But Ben calls from a corner table. But this is a new Ben, a Ben who she confessed love to 10 years ago and is now in a long term relationship with her and .... well, at least they let the last ten years of New History flood back into her brain (does that hurt?) before he proposes himself. Kiss kiss, very happy ending.

Exceeeept, time travel gaff? Why doesn't Ben remember she had time travelled? If she gets to remember it, why doesn't he? He should know that the woman in front of him right now just got back from 2011... oh never mind, its a Hallmarkie.

The Formulae: Despite being a time travel focused movie, it still gets in all the requisite Xmas stuff. There is Ben's tree lot, and decorating of trees, and an Xmas Eve Deadline, and hot chocolate, and decorating of trees and gingerbread houses, and a tree lighting in the town square, and an Xmas dance event (no red dress though, but Mom's hot pink number) and a Dick BF.

Unformulae: Its thoroughly about time travel hijinx and was clearly elevator-pitching, "We snagged two Back to the Future stars, so let's capture the same vibe!"

True Calling? Technically, the stop she was trying to make is "ignore Xmas" and while Xmas is all around them (do they feel it in their fingers, in their toes) the Magic is not about recreating Xmas, but more about the whole tight-knit-family deal. So, not really. 

The Rewind: It wasn't so much as a rewind but a loud chuckle at the, "Go ahead Henrik, you can put the first ornament on the tree..." as he reaches out with a red bulb to place it on a very obviously already decorated tree.

The Regulars: Fonseca went on to make four more of these movies over the next four years --- hope she is in line to become new Hallmarkie Royalty. Might have to give this year's entry a shot. Chandler Massey has done a few including this one. 

How does it Hallmark? Pretty decently. While it was very obvious that Ben was pining for the fjords, the banter between the two really nailed it on "best friends" but her "I love you!" realization was not sold to me.

How does it movie? Made for TV Time Travel Hijinx movie maybe?

How Does It Snow? OMG, where do I start. They went sooooo over budget on the fake snow here. There were soooo many scenes of full snow fall, snow everywhere, and all of it fake. Combinations of soap flakes and cotton batting everywhere!! And the digital snow! Someone must have invented the digital equivalent of a snow blowing machine because every fly over shot of the old timey train had EVERYTHING blanked in a dusting of snow, like the aerosol can stuff my mom blanketed our living room with every year when I was a kid. And Angie's family home with its snow covered roof and decorations and banks of snow, all added in post!

Toast & Kent's Xmas (2025) Advent Calendar - Day 17: The Preacher's Wife

1996, d. Penny Marshall - Disney+

The Preacher's Wife is, at least on paper, the perfect remake. It takes a classic and perhaps even beloved film starring one of the brightest and most charismatic stars of its era, and brings it to a modern setting, adapted wholly to its environment and its characters, and stars one of the brightest and most charismatic stars of its era. If you're ever going to think "who's a good substitute for Cary Grant?", "Denzel Washington" is absolutely the right answer.

The thing about The Preacher's Wife is that the role Washington plays -- the angel Dudley -- may share the same name and vocation as the role played by Grant almost fifty years earlier in The Bishop's Wife, but they are not the same character. Just for starters, Washington's Dudley used to be human, and apparently not that all that long ago (possibly within the 20th century). He's been in the queue for an assignment on Earth for decades apparently and has finally been given a shot, to which he is absolutely elated. Grant's Dudley has been on assignment for millennia, apparently, he's seen it all and has an omnipotence that Washington's character doesn't. 

These (and other) differences aren't trivial, they shape the roles they play quite differently, and there's really no mistaking them for the same character. The same can be said for the rest of the players in the film. The titular Bishop and his wife are Henry and Julia, as are the titular Preacher and his wife, but that's where the similarities end.

The Preacher's Wife doesn't just redo what was done before beat by beat, note by note, it rebuilds the story and characters from the ground up. 

Where Bishop Henry had already moved on from his troubled parish and was having difficulties negotiating the building of a new place of worship, here the Reverend Henry (Courtney B. Vance, Final Destination 5) is still very much in his parish, and a core part of his community. But his troubles are that he cannot do enough to stop the troubles his community is having. The local youth shelter has closed down, the church is in financial straights while still well attended, the local orphanage has closed and Henry's son's best friend is being moved to be housed elsewhere, and a local youth he's helped before has been falsely accused of armed robbery. All these things, as well as just supporting the sick and elderly and destitute in his community, weigh on the Reverend, and these troubles wind up isolating him from Julia (Whitney Houston, The Bodyguard) and his 6-year-old son Jeremiah (Justin Pierre Edmund, in an absolutely adorable but so not saccharine or precocious performance).

Unlike Julia in The Bishop's Wife, here, naturally, the role has been bolstered to put Houston in the spotlight, and, of course, get her to use her greatest talent. There is a lot of Houston singing here, largely gospel, but a sequence of Dudley, as Henry's behest, taking Julia out dancing leads to Julia meeting an old friend (played by Lionel Richie) and goading her into performing a soulful, romantic ballad, which she of course nails, and sends Dudley swooning.  It's their return from this event that both sparks their attraction, but also fuels Henry's jealousy, both in a way that was never quite as present or potent in the original.

Henry here is being tempted away from his parish, his community by real estate mogul Joe Hamilton ("Than man is so oily you can fry chicken on his smile") as played by Gregory Hines (Wolfen). Hamilton wants to gentrify the neighborhood and upscale the church, with Reverend Henry becoming a broadcast-worthy preacher. As other members of the community start to fall under Hamilton's sway, so too does Henry, much to Julia's dismay.

Here, Julia doesn't want to just be Henry's wife, but his partner. Most of her input is subtle, punching up the choir and helping with distributing alms. But she has ideas, ideas that Henry doesn't even have time to hear in order to dismiss them. He's put her on the back burner, and it's the crux of the whole film... sort of.

And this is what I mean by The Preacher's Wife being the perfect remake on paper. It rebuilds the story, the characters, the world and it feels so rich and alive, and yet it also repeats so many of the problems of the original when it most certainly could have improved upon them. The biggest issue is about focus and perspective. Whose story is this? Dudley's? Julia's? Henry's? Jeremiah is our narrator, so is it his? This lack of focus once again makes it tough for the story to ever really click. Where Henry in the original was very much the third lead of the film, he's pretty much the primary here, but this means Dudley winds up disappearing for stretches, and used inefficiently.

Both films lack a strong central lesson that Dudley is trying to teach Henry... or maybe it's just that Dudley is a terrible teacher. Dudley is just there to help, but he should be helping Henry help himself, and in both films, too much is left to Dudley to directly intervene. Just as in The Bishop's Wife, here the reconciliation between Henry and Julia is kind of just one moment and doesn't feel big enough to hand-wave away the problems they were having. There's not enough grown-ups having conversations saying how they really feel and understanding each other to feel truly satisfying.

Also in both films, the romance, if you can call it that, between Dudley and Julia, is barely a thing. It's more of a thing in The Preacher's Wife (Julia tells her mom she's just window shopping, to which her mom says "Well, don't go shopping with money in your pocket! And you better not be putting anything in the layaway plan, either!" The incomparable Jennifer Lewis, everyone! Amazing in this film. She's also only 6 year older than Whitney, playing her mother...tsk tsk). 

The Preacher's Wife, I think, is a more engaging film than The Bishops Wife, but only by a narrow margin. They're complimentary in their own way, like they're in a shared universe where angels are sent to Earth to help, and these two angels just happen to have similar missions but in two very different communities and with very different people. Where I don't quite click with The Preacher's Wife is its increased focus of faith and devotion and worship. Gospel isn't really my thing, and, quite frankly Whiney's singing never was either. Since both are given such prominence, it's really the detractor for me when comparing the two. One's mileage may vary greatly on that front.

Toast & Kent's XMas (2025) Advent Calendar: Day 16 - Champagne Problems

2025, Mark Steven Johnson (Ghost Rider) -- Netflix

Ghost Rider? Huh.

The Draw: Budget. But also, because, back when we started rearing this beast I started with a Netflix take on the Hallmarkie, Holiday in the Wild followed by The Knight before Christmas. Both were part of Netflix's earlier forays into Hallmarkie territory but with the budgets of Netflix behind them. Eventually that allure faded for the Netflix-ian Purple Suits and they went down the more traditional Xmas romcom path. Remember, even without the trope-laden structure of a Hallmarkie, there have always been Xmas romcoms, but they always feel distinctly different than these. This year, Netflix seemed to add a few back into their roster.

That said, its not like Netflix actually produces these movies, they are just the distributers, but there strikes me as a distinction when the production companies get the go ahead because they know it will end up on Netflix, and construct with that in mind.

HERstory: We actually begin with the story of Dom Perignon, the monk not the expensive champagne, and how he "accidentally" discovered the bubbles. Then we almost immediately switch to the Big City with Sydney Price (Minka Kelly, Titans), a work work work woman from The Roth Group who gives an impressive presentation on how TRG can acquire floundering champagne producer Château Cassell, in France. Sydney impresses her boss so much, he sends her to Paris to meet with the company, who will also be hearing three other proposals.

Sydney is all about work but promises her little sister that she will enjoy at least one night, and thus builds an itinerary for speed-running Paris, all the places marked, with times. Except she has one gap -- a good bookstore to pickup something for her sister. The concierge, who have always been the magical figures in movies centered around hotels, suggests a quaint little place called Les Etoiles which is magic unto itself. Unfortunately, no its not a real Parisian bookstore but the movie is actually shot in Paris, as opposed to Vancouver. And in the bookstore she runs into the handsome helpful Henri (Tom Wozniczka, Slow Horses). He doesn't work at the bookstore.

They banter. They flirt. He's better at it than she is, after all he's Parisian. She has a terrible plan to see all the tourist spots and he offers to show her the real Paris, a better view of Paris (nudge nudge wink wink, say no more). And its Xmas in Paris, so all the wow's. They have Xmas Market crepes and mulled wine and macarons (he pronounces it correctly) and they end up at the Paris Ferris wheel for the more heartfelt all alone with a spectacular view conversation. It ends with, "I had a great life today..." and a proper non-Hallmarkie kiss, no interruptions. And then.... (GASP!) sex.

Next morning, after glow, and he's out getting coffee & croissant and ... she's late!! Off she rushes to the hotel, showers and dresses and has to run to the place where the work work meeting is happening. She comes in to find the other companies doing the presentation -- the prim Brigitte (Astrid Whettnall, Winter Palace), the flamboyantly gay playboy Roberto (Sean Amsing, Love, Guaranteed; I am not sure, but I think he plays the exact same character in this also Netflix also romcom movie) and the grim and proper Otto (Flula Borg, The Rookie; apparently Flula also plays D&D), from Germany. And then, just after Sydney is about to begin her presentation -- in walks the owner's son, Henri from last night.

Awkward. Especially since he seems to know the reputation of TRG better than Sydney does, and its not good.

The owner, Hugo (Thibault de Montalembert, The Tunnel), sees the challenges before him and decides he needs more time to decide on who should take over his legacy, that all the presenters should experience what making champagne is all about, and asks them all to come to the Château Cassell proper, in a quaint French version of the PST.

The idea Hugo has is to present each person with an experience of something involved in the wine making business. Just because its December, it doesn't mean everything shuts down. They snip at vines, they rotate bottles, they get to know each other. Roberto is all about hedonistic experience and spending his daddy's money, Otto is a cliche hoping to impress German precision on Hugo's family business,  and Brigitte is a known factor and someone who has the eye of Hugo, the longtime widower as we learned on the Ferris wheel.

Sydney still wants to impress upon Hugo and Henri that she is about giving smaller businesses a chance to survive, but she doesn't know that her company has been gutting said businesses after she made the acquisitions. How she doesn't know this just says she is so very myopic. But seeing how she interacts with his father, whom she finds real affection for, softens Henri to her all over again. He even finds her cheese farts cute. 

As I have mentioned before, so many of these Hallmarkies are as much about processing grief as they are about finding love. Hugo and Henri have never really reconciled about losing Henri's mother, and are in an angry, hurting, stagnant point of their lives. Sydney herself has never let herself move on to having her own life, since her mother's passing. The three really are what each other needs the most.

In the end, after the complication where Henri overhears Sydney complying with TRG's plans to entirely destroy Château Cassell, but not her quitting the company, and he tells her to go away, and she does, Hugo gives the company to the fop, as champagne is all about celebrating life and that is all Roberto does -- party. But a bond has formed among the quartet, which says each of their strengths will be leveraged in the future of this family company.

But Sydney has run away, back to Paris, back to the bookstore to grab something before she flies home to find a new job, a new adventure when.... Henri arrives. The kind of magic concierge has redirected him there for another kiss, a sealing of a future. We end  the movie on a "one year later" Happily Ever After.

The Formulae: The movie makes use of them but in the more glitzy, glossy way that is Netflix's backing approval. The PST, all snow covered in French countryside December, is a quaint but not tiny village -- when they have the Xmas festival, the architecture is grand and sweeping and its more a rave with hundreds of attendees. We had the deadline, the signing of the deal before Xmas. We had the "smaller" Xmas fair where crepes and mulled wine are had. We had the complication, and we had rivalry, where in cheese is fed to a lactose intolerant girl (cute farts!). The less gratifying trope is where Sydney, who has worked hard to get where she is, dumps her job to stay in France with Henri, but at least it sounds like she finds alternate more gratifying work. Also, Henri doesn't have to take over his father's business, so gets to open his bookstore meets wine bar, his heart's dream. 

Unformulae: Sex! Kissing before the final scene! Not shot in Canada! Did I mentioned SEX ?

True Calling? I guess it did? There was plenty of champagne and there were plenty of problems?

The Rewind: I had to check whether the flyover of the PST was AI generated or just the usual CGI enhanced shot. I am rather sensitive this year to the coming onslaught of AI generated material which will eventually replace what stock & CG footage used to provide. Oh, and I had to stop and rewind the cute puppy chases the bunny wabbit scene, especially when they puppy stumble... but the bunny is sooooo fake looking.

The Regulars: This is off-market Hallmarkie so no, nobody has done many of this kind of movie. But I think Minka could find a life in these movies, as she adapted well to the concept.

How does it Hallmark? In this world of post-Hallmark after-market producers & distributers, but with money, it does a decent job.

How does it movie? No, of course it doesn't. But what surprises me more is that people seemed to expect it to be a proper Xmas romcom. In reading through other reviews and recaps, I was surprised at how many people lambasted it for .... well, all the reasons people watch these kinds of movies. The plots are contrived, the characters 1.1 dimensional and the lines usually incredulous. But that's to be expected. If anything, the extra money behind this did enhance to a greater degree --- the sets were utterly spectacular. And I have to shout out to Flula, who plays his German weirdo act to perfection again. And if I am being honest, I rather adored Minka in this role -- she's a beautiful woman over 40 allowed to play a beautiful woman over 40.

How Does It Snow? There was some actual laid out snow in some chase-the-cute-puppy scenes.

I Saw This!! What I Have Been Watching: 2025 Edition (Part A)

I Saw This (double exclamation point) is our [retired] feature wherein Kent(!) or Toasty attempt to write about a bunch of stuff they watched some time ago and meant to write about but just never got around to doing so. But we can't not write cuz that would be bad, very bad.  

What I Have Been (or Am) Watching is the admitted state of me (usually Toast, but Kent this time) spending too much time in front of the TV and not writing about it. Bad Kent! Bad! But it's in part because Kent is tired and busy can't review everything.

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Nobody Wants This Season 2 - 2025, Netflix (10/10 episodes)
created by Erin Foster
[Season 1]

Season 2 picks up where Season 1 left off, with Noah (Adam Brody) realizing that being with Joanne (Kristen Bell) may cause waves in his Synagogue, but he's willing to ride those waves for love. But just because they've committed again doesn't mean anything is going to be easier for them. 

Alright, let's be frank, I barely remember what happened in this second season of the show. If you want a recap, I'm sure there's many websites out there doing episodic recaps. I'm not that guy, this is not that site. Here's what I recall (and how I felt about it):

Joanne strives to win over Noah's mom. I like that Joanne doesn't take much shit from anyone, including Noah's mom, and she's not the cliched romcom lead who is quirky and klutzy and neurotic about her relationship... ok, she is a bit neurotic about her relationship. But in order to put complications into the show, the main characters need to overthink things, and be in their head too much.

Joanne and sister Morgan (Justine Lupe) get into a fight which drives a wedge between them for a significant part of the series, and the feud also leads to Joanne getting evicted from her apartment, and so some of the conflicts of the series is about whether Noah and Joanne are ready to move in together.

Meanwhile, Noah has lost the promotion, and so he leaves his beloved Synagogue, and finds himself instead at a nu-age Hollywood synagogue (run by Seth Rogen in his 500th TV role this year) that really doesn't seem to be interested in the traditions of Judaism at all, and it makes him miserable.

My favourite part of the series is the friendship between perpetually unfiltered Morgan and Noah's awkward brother Sasha (Tim Simons). Sasha is married to ball-busting taskmaster Esther (Jackie Tohn) and this season works hard at humanizing Esther, showing that she knows her attitude puts people off and she's self conscious about it. Her getting in the way of Morgan and Sasha's friendship loosens to funny time-limited, supervised visits, but the season starts driving a wedge between Sasha and Esther (because Sasha wants another child, Esther most definitely does not) and seems to be leaning towards actually pairing off Sasha and Morgan, which seems like a terrible idea.

A romantic comedy is typically all about the chase and/or overcoming the obstacles. When there are no natural obstacles left, a TV show built as a romcom needs to start manufacturing them, and while Nobody Wants This maintains a pretty high level of likeability and a pretty solid assortment of natural obstacles, the big complication that threatens to divide Joanne and Noah at the end of the season is pretty much bullshit.

I look forward to a third season but I also worry about it.

(Also, both Brody and Bell are in their mid-40's but it's clear that the show is presenting them as if they're in their mid-to-late '30s. The tone of a relationship and the future it presents is very different between these two ages. It's a good thing both performers are in incredible shape... Bell's shoulders and lats, migawd.)

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The Lowdown Season 1 - 2025, Disney+/FX (8/8 episodes)
created by Sterlin Harjo

When I put on the first episode I was in the midst of rewatching all the films of the Coen Brothers, and what was clear as mud was that the Coens were a particularly big source of inspiration for Sterlin Harjo in the execution of this series. 

There's a cinematic wasteland of bad Coens-esque productions out there, and this is most definitely not one of them, in part because it's clear that Harjo is inspired not just by the Coens but also by the same materials that inspire the Coens, particularly vintage detective fiction.

It also doesn't hurt that Harjo has his own decidedly strong and singular voice honed over a number of film projects (all remain relatively unheard of but now must be demanding eyes on them) and seemed to come out fully formed in the FX series Reservation Dogs, undeniably one of the best TV series of the past 25 years.

The day after watching the pilot I saw One Battle After Another, a film which rapidly consumed my excess brain space, and a film which, in many respects, seemed to have kinship with The Lowdown...or at least operating in the same temperature. A refrain in the first episode of The Lowdown - "There's nothing worse than a white man who cares" could very much be applied to Paul Thomas Anderson's latest as well.

The Lowdown stars Ethan Hawke (in probably my favourite performance he's ever done) as Lee Raybon, an investigative journalist, or "truthstorian" as he dubs himself, and very much a white man who cares. And it's not performative caring. He legit is fighting for everything he believes in and to great sacrifice to himself.  There's no glory in what he's doing. The papers and magazines he writes for are not in the least prestigious and, like all news media these days, just flailing to keep their head above water. 

Lee had written an article, an expose on the man campaigning for the Oklahoma governorship, Donald Washburn (Kyle MacLachlin) and his family, and shortly after its published, Washburn's brother (Tim Blake Nelson) apparently committed suicide. Lee smells something fishy around it all and begins peeling back the layers of a potential conspiracy involving the rich Oklahoma muckety mucks and a white supremist church with their own private army of ex-cons.

Lee's life is put in jeopardy many, many, many times, but where with most it would be a deterrent, for him its just more fuel and ammunition to charge forward. 

The show is an incredible tonal balance of comedy, mystery, intrigue, drama, intensity, the whole spectrum. With all apologies to Noah Hawley's Fargo TV series (a show I love, mostly), this is the best example of what a Coens-esque TV should or could look like. It's an incredibly exciting and entertaining and thought provoking ride the entire time, and even the singular interlude episode winds up being an entirely welcome interruption thanks to Peter Dinklage's incredible performance.

The show is entirely well casted, with Jeanne Tripplehorne as the femme fatale, Kaniehtiio Horn as Lee's ex, Star Wars:Skeleton Crew's Ryan Kiera Armstrong as Lee's daughter, Keith David as a concerned party to Lee's actions, and the dozen other supporting players that pop in and out in this wild neo-noir. 

The best show of the year? Yeah, probably.

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The Studio Season 1 - 2025, AppleTV+ (10/10 episodes)
created by Seth Rogen and Evan Goldberg

Spoiler Alert, but The Studio ends with Seth Rogen's character, Matt Remick, head of Continental Studios, standing on stage in front of a theatre full of people trying to get a chant going... "Moo-vies. Moo-vies. Moo-vies" and invariably the chant picks up and ultimately fills the theatre. Remick is elated.

It is, in context, just another of the many utterly absurd moments of the series. Here Matt and company have been trying to "Weekend at Bernies" their CEO Griffin Mill (Bryan Cranston) who had overdosed on mushrooms at Matt's party the night before, and ..ah, it was a whole thing. But the point being, a theatre full of people chanting "Moo-vies Moo-vies Moo-vies" is so, so stupid in context, and yet...and yet, there's a power to it, to reaffirming that, yes, movies are awesome, and sometimes you just want to be excited about the concept of them and that they exist.

I don't take to cringe comedy well. I've done my time with it, and I generally try and avoid it when I see it coming. I can small-dose it, but I really am not enamoured by people being awkward and making things worse for themselves with either no self awareness or an inability to stop themselves. The Studio is sort of a cringe comedy, but it's so nestled within satire that it effectively tempers the cringe. 

The series finds Matt Remick appointed as the new head of Continental, and it's a role that Matt feels he's earned, but it rapidly becomes clear he maybe doesn't have the stomach for it. He loves movies, but loving movies doesn't make a studio money, and the compromises Matt must make at every turn seem to tear him up inside. But at the same time, Matt has to contest with his own pretentiousness, his own ego, his own film snobbery, he has to play politics with artists and agents and press and public relations and his own producers at the studio. He has to contend with the ever-shifting nature of Hollywood and what is trending, what is successful.

The Studio is the latest in a long line of "behind the scenes" at a studio, but it does so with stars in its eyes and a knife with which to stab it in the back. It loves it and reveres it and loathes it wishes there were something better at every turn. It's this balance of admiration and detestation that makes the studio work so well. It's a show that's aware that it's better to have studios than not, but that they're also fundamentally broken and will probably never get fixed.

Rogen and Seth Goldberg direct each episode, and their style for the series is to construct the episodes as a series of one-shots. So each episode will have anywhere from one to a half dozen edits, and that's it. If you don't notice it, it means the show is doing its job at being entertaining, and if you do notice it, it's hard not to be impressed.

It's a series loaded to the gills with guest stars, from Charlize Theron to Zac Efron to Ron Howard to Zoe Kravitz to Ted Sarandos to Martin Scorsese to getting Sarah Polley out of acting retirement, but it's all backed up with a core cast of great comedic performers including Ike Barinholtz, Kathryn Hahn and Catherine O'Hara.

I can't get out of this review without mentioning that the big "tentpole" picture at Continental Studios is a Kool-aid Man movies starring Ice Cube. It's ridiculous and never ceases to be entertaining as the studio execs labour over the decisions they need to make on such a production.

There's also an irony to having a TV show that's really an honest love letter to movies. Moo-vies. Moo-vies. Moo-vies. Moo-vies. Moo-vies Moo-vies. Moo-vies Moo-vies Moo-vies Moo-vies. Moo-vies Moo-vies Moo-vies Moo-vies Moo-vies Moo-vies Moo-vies Moo-vies Moo-vies Moo-vies Moo-vies Moo-vies!