KsMIRT: step timber

 K'sMIRT is Kent's Month in Reviewing Television, where each month (ahem) I step through the TV series I completed watching each month in the 1 Great-1 Good-1 Bad format.

This Month:
Bad Monkey Season 1 (2024, 10/10 episodes, Apple TV+)
The Lord of the Rings: The Rings of Power Season 2 (2024, 8/8 episodes, AmazonPrime)
Nobody Wants This Season 1 (2024, 10/10 episodes, Netflix)
Slow Horses Series 4 (2024, 6/6 episodes, Apple TV+)
Squid Game Season 1 (2022, 9/9 episodes, Netflix)
Unsolved Mysteries Volume 5 (2024, 4/4 episodes, Netflix)

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Bad Monkey Season 1 

The What 100: Andrew Yancy is a police detective with a problem... he can't let go. It's got him in trouble before, and it will get him in trouble again. Having been booted from the Miami PD to a small cape on the southern tip of Florida, Yancy's motormouth and unwavering conviction that the worst should be punished have now got him suspended and working as a health inspector. When a severed arm is reeled in by a fishing tour boat, Yancy can't just follow his chief's directions to just get rid of it. Instead it takes Yancy on a winding whirlwind of romance, action, deceit, and even a little magic.

(1 Great) Vince Vaughan. I was reticent to watch the show, mainly because I haven't watched anything with Vince Vaughan in it in a long, long time. Sometime after Made I just realized I didn't like his energy, his arrogance. But either I have softened or Vaughan has, because the energy he gives off as Yancy is astounding. Yancy is a very upbeat guy, very positive even in the face of bad things happening. Even if he genuinely dislikes someone he still tries to go at them with positive vibes, kill them with ...well, not kindness...affability. He's a lot. He's always talking, but the way in which Yancy twists moments, changes the timber of a situation...it's not that he de-escalates (though I think in his mind, that's what he's doing) but instead of making people want to shoot him, they just want to smack him.  It's a skill. He's charming in a way I haven't seen from Vaughan.  He carries a high energy vibe that still seems, somehow, chill.  And I like the way he wins people over with compliments, just as much as I like it when he pisses people off with the very same tactics.

(1 Good) It's so hard to limit myself to just 1 Great and 1 Good thing with this show. I enjoyed it so, so thoroughly. I haven't mentioned that the show hops between South Florida and The Bahamas, where an unscrupulous land developer has impacted the small coastal town there. Jodie Turner-Smith was a real surprise for me in After Yang, a stunning woman but also a strong performer who, seemingly out of no where is acting alongside Colin Farrell. She turned up again in a smaller part earlier this year in Star Wars: The Acolyte and had real presence. Here she's The Dragon Queen, the mystical protector of the island who doesn't quite believe in her practice. Her role in the whole proceedings seems very outside the centre, but she gets her own story arc that weaves in and out of the main thread and it is both beautiful, intense, and tragic. 

(1 Bad) If I had one complaint, which is not even really a complaint because I enjoyed this show pretty thoroughly, it's that it felt maybe an episode too long. The eighth episode felt like it was barrelling towards its conclusion and the ninth episode felt like it was resetting for the finale.  In actuality the ninth episode was more about setting up character resolution where the finale was about closing out the plot, so it has its place...I think in this modern age of shortened seasons, any sort of breathing room feels like wasted space, even when it's certainly not wasted. It speaks more to changes in modern storytelling on television and how we consume it, than it does about quality of storytelling or even purpose of storytelling.

META: What got me into Bad Monkey, past my Vince Vaughan reticence, was Bill Lawrence's name in the trailers. I liked Scrubs, I loved (still love) Cougar Town, I really liked both Ted Lasso and Shrinking, so he has a very winning track record with me.  I knew that there would be something here that I would enjoy, as I always do in his productions...I just didn't think I would enjoy pretty much everything.  This may be, I'm boldly stating, Lawrence's best show.

There's a minor character, the owner of the charter fishing boat that opens up the series played by Tom Nowicki, who winds up being the narrator for the series. He's somehow in the head of every character (including Neville's pet monkey Driggs) telling you there innermost thoughts, sometimes at inopportune times. He also provides the best "previously on" recaps maybe ever, or close to it. The bit is he hates doing the recaps, and he lets you know this. They're spiteful recaps.

I could see some people finding the show a little unfocussed, the way it darts between Yancy's story, the Dragon Queen, Neville, Yancy's sometimes-girlfriend Bonnie, and others in ways that don't directly connect to the central crime story that Yancy is working on... but I love the fact that this show is more interested in the characters as characters than it is in them as agents servicing the main story. It a show where the world doesn't exactly gravitate around its main character and the main character's interest, and that's damn refreshing.  

The cast is uniformly phenomenal, with Vaughan, Turner-Smith, joined by Michelle Monaghan, L. Scott Caldwell, Rob Delaney, Meredith Hagner, Natalie Martinez and so many more. Even minor players in the story make multiple appearances, and it's always a delight to see them pop up again.

I imagine a second season will only see some of these players return, for obvious reasons, but the experience to see how it jumps around a whole new ecosystem of characters Yancy endears himself to (or pisses off)  absolutely puts a smile on my face just thinking about.  

An utter treat of a series.

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The Lord of the Rings: The Rings of Power Season 2

The What 100: Lord Sauron has disguised himself as an elfin deity and wormed his way into Celebrimbor's forge, encouraging him to make more rings of power, rings that he himself will taint with his darkness, thus eliciting control over their wearers. The dark elf Adar and his army of Orcs, aware of Sauron's return, are on the warpath to find and vanquish him once and for all, and they don't care what they have to destroy along the way. King Durin, wearing one of the tainted rings of power starts making some terrible decisions for the Dwarven realm, leaving his son Durin conflicted over his devotion to his father and doing what's right. The Stranger and his Harfoot companions get separated but each find new allies who are somewhat familiar. Back in Númenor, following the awful defeat against Adar's army, the queen finds herself challenged, and her throne wrested from her by the most evil-looking guy in history. And other stuff.  A lot going on in Middle Earth.  

(1 Great) I could have just watched just a whole series about Prince Durin IV and his turmoil over, first, his spat with his father following his actions last season, and then the dire situation as Khazad-dûm enters a dark age following a tremor. And when King Durin III puts on that ring, and starts getting money hungry and going mad with an unquenchable thirst for riches, it's just really wonderful melodrama. I love all the dwarf actors - Owain Arthur is probably my favourite performer on the show. Just real soulful, deep-thinking performance in such a heavyweight layer of makeup and prosthetics and wigs and wardrobe.  

(1 Good) I've been strangely invested in the journey of The Stranger and the Harfoots Nori and Poppy in both seasons, even though their trials have kind of been the most gentle and most disconnected from the central plot. As disconnected as they are, they also provide a very whole-view look at Middle Earth, a "what else is happening" outside of the main conflicts, and their Hobbitsy adventures are so much more gentle than what's going one elsewhere, it's a nice respite.  But that gentile nature of their story means that any threat seems that much more severe.

(1 Bad) There are entire character plots that just get shoved aside, like Isuldur seems to be an afterthought every time he pops up. It's like "oh right, him!" His story gets tied up with Arondir, the ronin Elf, who I loved in the first season, but has no storyline at all here. His human love interest died last season, and his attempts to connect with her son don't work out, so he takes off and just roams realm looking for action. He's a badass fighter with the coolest chest plate ever, but he gets nothing. Ok, that's actually 2 Bad...well, here's a third... I freaking hated everything going on in Númenor.  Just the most blatantly evilest group of fucks with the most obvious tactics of riling up crowds into supporting them in overthrowing the queen.  They're goddamn Republicans and it was just too real.

META: At about the midway point of this season of The Rings of Power I was starting to stretch a leg out, ready to step away altogether. I didn't but so much of the show was about the corruption of power, of the people in charge, and how it was all so inevitable that it was all going sour everywhere. Given that this show takes place, what, 1000 years before The Lord of the Rings trilogy, it just means that it all goes very dark, very quick and doesn't come out of that darkness for a very long time.  I don't know if showing people the descent into darkness works as a cautionary tale or just reinforces the hopelessness of opposing it when people are acting so irrationally. There really isn't any light this season to guide the way and it's feeling quite oppressive...and feels like it's only going to get worse from here.

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Nobody Wants This Season 1

The What 100: Joanne hosts a successful dating and sex-themed podcast with her sister, Morgan. She's been very unlucky in love and her frankness about talking about it has garnered her a sizeable audience and a pretty relaxed lifestyle.  Noah is a rabbi -- some might even go so far as to call him "Hot Rabbi" -- who has just exited a long term relationship with his very devoted (and attractive) girlfriend after she dug out an engagement ring out of a locked drawer. Everything was perfect on paper, but the sparks were not there. At a mutual friend's get-together Joanne and Noah meet, and sparks fly, but can a rabbi really be with a gentile and keep the respect of his family and congregation, and will being in a stable relationship impact Joann's podcast success?

(1 Great) One of my favourite aspects of the delightful friends-sans-benefits sitcom Platonic was how low stakes it was. It didn't spend much time at all revelling in drama or tension. It presented its characters as conscious, conscientious, thinking human beings who don't immediately always jump to the tropey sitcom conclusion to create tired hijinks for our amusement. It's a comedy of rapport, and I'm on board for any show that wants to be such. Here, not only are the characters presented as thoughtful, but they're also observant, and they're open to conversing about difficult topics. Sitcom comedy was borne out of withholding and misunderstandings. Cringe comedy exploded out of the rise of Seinfeld which was not just withholding, and misunderstanding, but genuine selfishness and bad behaviour. It's really time for our entertainment to show us a new way of coexisting, a new way of engaging with one another, a way that shows us that bringing up a mistake or a shameful emotion with a loved one is far better than hiding it, only for it to explode like a time bomb.

(1 Good) The cast here is uniformly awesome. Kristin Bell is a bankable and reliable comedic presence at this point, and though it's sometimes hard to shave the Eleanor-from-The Good Place feels from my brain, she's really fun. Adam Brody is charming, funny, and thoughtful, very aware and receptive and open. He is the ideal dreamy nice-guy boyfriend, who happens to be a rabbi. As a duo they're exceptionally cute together and they play off each other well. They're both over 40 now, but playing like they're in their late 30s, which works, but just barely.  The real flavour of the show though comes from their respective siblings. Morgan (Justine Lupe, Mr. Mercedes) is both fearless and shameless and will shake up any room she's in, usually for the better, but not always. Sasha, Noah's brother, (Timothy Simons) is less fearless and shameless than he is kind of oblivious. He's desperate to be included and so he includes himself in everything whether he's invited or not, wanted or not. Morgan and Sasha become platonic buddies is one of the most far fetched but delightful spins of the show (a lesser show would create some weird secret romance, but here Sasha clearly loves his domineering wife [probably because she's domineering] and family, he's just happy to have a new friend who actually wants to talk to him).

(1 Bad)  Nobody Wants This does a great job at showing the stakes for Noah: he's up for head Rabbi at his synagogue, and the faith has a very strong edict to congregate and procreate, so his relationship with Joanne, while providing him the sparks he's always thought a relationship should have, threatens his professional life, as well as creates friction with his family (his sister-in-law is best friends with his ex, his mom is really against the pairing). For Joann, there's less intense focus on what she's risking.  According to Morgan, at least, her being in a happy relationship is having an effect on the podcast (she's telling boring stories), which is being eyed for purchase by Spotify. Most of the gamble here is the romcom threat of "losing the guy". It's a fairly savvy show, but (from my very male perspective) it doesn't adequately emphasize what she's giving up or sacrificing, it rather seems to only imply that she should.

META: A very quick blast of research finds that show creator Erin Foster a) looks a lot like Kristin Bell, b) worked a lot with her sister (including as Insta influencers and as creative heads for the dating app Bumble among other things), and c) converted to Judaism before getting married.  So this show, while not autobiographical, comes from a place of authenticity and truth. It's a really charming romcom that isn't about the act of getting together, but about what it takes to stay together.  It's not even that interested in the drama of tearing Joanne and Noah apart but instead the joys and rewards of unifying and being together.  I feel like this is such an antidote to Hallmarkies, and we're still a week away from those things ramping up.  EEP

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Slow Horses Series 4 (aka "Spook Street")

The What 100: There's a terrorist attack in central London. Meanwhile River Cartwright's grandad, suffering from dementia, shoots a man he thinks is River in his house. River fakes his own death and takes the place of this man, heading into France on a passport that's actually a "cold body", one of many MI-5 fake identities created for their field agents. But how is this one "in the wild" so to speak, and now in River's hands? It all billows out into something very personal and very dangerous.

(1 Great) This is the first season where it feels like Gary Oldman's Jackson Lamb is a supporting character and not the lead, and that's actually a good thing. Lamb has been so front-and-center that it's left him a little exposed as a character, as someone who is very much who he is, and not likely to change. River's always been the secondary lead of the show, and giving him the full spotlight here reveals the wild depths of his history and, in learning his origins, has potentially disastrous ramifications for The Park.  It's the most character-centric of the series yet, and it really, really works.

(1 Good) Nothing is stagnant in this show, things are always moving. When we ended last series, Taverner was looking to finally be accepting her place as First Desk, but this season we learn she's right where she was last season, with instead new First Desk Claude Whelan, a died-in-the-wool bureaucrat appointed to the position. He's an idiot, and an idiot is dangerous in his position. Taverner's used to playing games with other very intelligent intelligence officers, so manipulating an idiot is surprisingly difficult.  Whelan is played by James Callis who played the conniving Baltar in Battlestar Galactica... his character here is not that different than Baltar in ambition, but Callis plays him much, much differently. Kristin Scott Thomas as Taverner really revels in that steely, all-business, woman-with-secrets-that-you-will-never-know energy. I really hope one of these series deep dives into her life and history.  The games at the Park were some of my favourite bits this season.

(1 Bad) Oh God, I get angry watching this series week-to-week. I just want to eat it all up in one bite. It's so consumable, and it just pulls you through its story.  You can tell these were crafted out of novels because they're so perfectly structured to deliver the right amount of story and character moments for every ongoing character. We lose some, we gain new ones, and it's a roller-coaster where you're not sure what's happening to start with and it unfolds alluringly and brilliantly.  So yeah, it's great, but I don't like being confined by AppleTV's pacing (I could always wait...but I can't, I look forward to it too much).

META: Mick Herron's Slough House series currently consists of eight full length books and five novellas. I really, really wish that they would produce the novellas as like a standalone episode or extra-length episode between the series'.  So far we've only missed one, between series two and three, and there's two more series before there's another one, so we'll see... or maybe once they tap out of the eight books, they'll just do the novellas as specials to keep it going... I dunno, I just want it all...without having to actually read. Yuck!

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Squid Game Season 1

The What 100: You know what Squid Game is already. I'm just that fool who waited two years to watch it. Ok, quickly... 456 desperate individuals sign up to play games in hopes of winning a massive cash prize. Once they learn it's games of death, well, it ultimately doesn't change much, and the people enlisted will see it through to the bitter end. A detective, looking for his missing brother, infiltrates the compound and starts to uncover what, or who, is behind it all.

(1 Great) Despite this series being absolutely something right up my alley, it got real popular, real quick and you know me with popular things...I bristle. Well, if that many people like it, then it can't be any good, because people who make things popular generally have terrible taste. It was watching Lee Jung-jae in The Acolyte (second Acolyte references this post) that drove me to finally watch it. He was such a charismatic and soulful performer in The Acolyte that he really made an impact and I wanted to see more from him. And yeah, he's absolutely great in this. Here he's Gi-hun, a man in debt, divorced, and just mooching off his diabetic mother. He's not a good guy. It's not even that he wants to be a good guy, but he knows he should be. If he wants his daughter to respect him, if he wants his ex (whom he obviously still loves, but knows she's better off without him) to respect him, if he wants his mother to live and have a good life... then he needs to be a better man. But he doesn't have the tools for it.  And then he's offered an opportunity. It's within the confines of this horrifying environment that Gi-hun learns to be a better man, supporting other players, trying to understand people and help them survive, and giving most people the benefit of the doubt when it's obvious he shouldn't.  He's obviously going to be the victor, because the show is centred around him from the beginning, but can he actually live with himself if he does survive? 

(1 Good) So much of the show, being such a phenomenon, was spoiled for me before I even watched it, but  even if it hadn't been so popular, I probably could have guessed the rhythms of it. It's a formulae for a group of people in a confined space. They tribe up, there are betrayers, there are people who appear one way but are revealed to be something else...there are archetypes to these things and this plays right into them. But, the Squid Game offers the contestants an out...if they collectively, by majority vote, decide to end the games, they all get to leave. And after the first game, in which over a hundred of them are murdered, they decide to leave. So the second episode finds them back in their lives, back in their abysmal lives which have no hope, no promise of reward, just more misery. It's its most bold critique of capitalism in this second episode showing how without a social safety net people fall into despair and ruin with no opportunity to get out. As such, the Squid Game, with its death-or-prizes alternatives, seems like the more appealing option. It's unfortunate that it's the high-point of the season only two episodes in, but it's a great episode.

(1 Bad) Like I said, Squid Game relies upon tropes for character drama and conflict so it can feel pretty routine. It's only the games themselves that electrify the series, but even then I found the games to be oddly primitive, and designed with a lack of competitive spirit in mind.  They're games of death designed to kill, not to be won. The way the games masters manipulate their players especially outside of the games is all part of their fun, which is less fun to watch knowing that it's all stacked against them.  it feels like the games masters are just the writing staff who want to see as much death and misery and heap it upon the audience It should be a poignant commentary, about our fascination with observing human misery from a distance, but it never really does ask the audience to consider their role as spectator in all of this. So it loses its juice, its motivating factor if it's just entertainment and not asking anything of its audience in return.

META: I've said before how much I like the "man-hunting-man" subgenre of thrillers, your "Most Dangerous Games" and "Hard Targets" but this sort of "game show" version is another sister subgenre in the "Running Man" or "Hunger Games" style where it's a spectator sport. I thought it was going to be more of a spectator sport, much more public in a dystopian future, but no, instead it's a secret spectator sport for only the richest of rich to observe.  The detective who finds his way into the back-end of the Squid Game, and starts digging into its secrets unfortunately demystifies it too much, in a way that breaks the logic of it.  If they're stealing 400+ people off the streets of Korea each year for decades, leaving behind a lot of trace evidence like their weird cards, surely people will take notice.  I dunno, I found the more I learned about the behind-the-scenes, the less I bought into it.

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Unsolved Mysteries Volume 5

The What 100: An upsetting double homicide in broad daylight in a public park in Cleaveland. Roswell revisited. A paranormal investigator and his ghostly companion. Cattle mutilations are back (and really haven't ever left).

(1 Great) "Great" sounds too enthusiastic to talk about the very upsetting story of the two friends murdered in Cleveland. It's not great, it's fucked up and horrible, and the interviews with the loved ones of the victims is heartbreaking.  But it's also compelling the circumstances around it, and just how bizarre the situation is. Each season of Unsolved Mysteries on Netflix has had one of these... a murder case so unusual that it kind of breaks one's brain about how it could happen in the first place... and they linger with you, unanswered questions that, were I closer to the case, would drive me mad.  In this case, two friends of about 40-years-old meet up on a park bench. Within clear eyeshot is a parking lot where sits a truck. The two friends are executed, shot in the back of the head, and the guy in the truck sees and hears nothing. Less than 15 minutes pass between the time the woman last used her phone and their bodies are discovered. There's a busy road that goes right by there. Any suspects that knew the victims have been ruled out. Gang related? Hate crime (the man was black, the woman white)? But how brazen an act, and how is there nothing to go on? It's viscerally upsetting.

(1 Good) The investigation into the rash of cattle mutilations in Oregon in between 2019 and 2022 is just freaking bizarre on its own, but when put into the context of thousands of reported cattle mutilations across the US and Canada since the 1960s it's the silent epidemic that nobody talks about. The surgical precision of the removal of skin and the tongue and, often, genitals, why? To what end?  And the weird states that the cows are found in, sometimes upside down on fences, or sitting upright in full rigor, with very little blood on the scene... just completely eerie.  A true unsolved mystery that wants to lean into the "alien abduction" of it all but holds itself back at least somewhat by talking all angles.  Just wild.

(1 Bad) As much as UM gives us some upsetting cases of murder, and mysterious mysteries, sometimes its exploration of the paranormal just seem like weirdos or mentally unstable people putting on a show, being excited about things they're making up. The case about the paranormal investigator and his ghostly companion just made me giggle. The revisiting of the Roswell crash made it seem more and more like "this is a thing because people want it to be".  Here's where I've settled on Roswell... if there were actual aliens, and the President of the United States is advised about it, do you think Trump could shut up about it. He's worried about Mexicans, you don't think he'd be stirring up shit about grey aliens if they were real? He would not be able to contain himself. 

META: The past couple UM volumes have been more paranormal-heavy than I'd like. It's always been an aspect of the show, but I like the weird crime (doesn't even have to be murder) aspect far more, and it seems far more helpful to talk about unsolved crimes than it does about sasquatches and aliens.  But I love how the show upsets me with the horrors of humanity, and I've always had a bit of a soft spot for entertaining these flights of metaphysical fancy. I wish this were a weekly show again.

I Saw This!! What I Have Been Watching: 2025 Edition (Part A)

I Saw This (double exclamation point) is our [retired] feature wherein Kent(!) or Toasty attempt to write about a bunch of stuff they watched some time ago and meant to write about but just never got around to doing so. But we can't not write cuz that would be bad, very bad.  

What I Have Been (or Am) Watching is the admitted state of me (usually Toast, but Kent this time) spending too much time in front of the TV and not writing about it. Bad Kent! Bad! But it's in part because Kent is tired and busy can't review everything.

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Nobody Wants This Season 2 - 2025, Netflix (10/10 episodes)
created by Erin Foster
[Season 1]

Season 2 picks up where Season 1 left off, with Noah (Adam Brody) realizing that being with Joanne (Kristen Bell) may cause waves in his Synagogue, but he's willing to ride those waves for love. But just because they've committed again doesn't mean anything is going to be easier for them. 

Alright, let's be frank, I barely remember what happened in this second season of the show. If you want a recap, I'm sure there's many websites out there doing episodic recaps. I'm not that guy, this is not that site. Here's what I recall (and how I felt about it):

Joanne strives to win over Noah's mom. I like that Joanne doesn't take much shit from anyone, including Noah's mom, and she's not the cliched romcom lead who is quirky and klutzy and neurotic about her relationship... ok, she is a bit neurotic about her relationship. But in order to put complications into the show, the main characters need to overthink things, and be in their head too much.

Joanne and sister Morgan (Justine Lupe) get into a fight which drives a wedge between them for a significant part of the series, and the feud also leads to Joanne getting evicted from her apartment, and so some of the conflicts of the series is about whether Noah and Joanne are ready to move in together.

Meanwhile, Noah has lost the promotion, and so he leaves his beloved Synagogue, and finds himself instead at a nu-age Hollywood synagogue (run by Seth Rogen in his 500th TV role this year) that really doesn't seem to be interested in the traditions of Judaism at all, and it makes him miserable.

My favourite part of the series is the friendship between perpetually unfiltered Morgan and Noah's awkward brother Sasha (Tim Simons). Sasha is married to ball-busting taskmaster Esther (Jackie Tohn) and this season works hard at humanizing Esther, showing that she knows her attitude puts people off and she's self conscious about it. Her getting in the way of Morgan and Sasha's friendship loosens to funny time-limited, supervised visits, but the season starts driving a wedge between Sasha and Esther (because Sasha wants another child, Esther most definitely does not) and seems to be leaning towards actually pairing off Sasha and Morgan, which seems like a terrible idea.

A romantic comedy is typically all about the chase and/or overcoming the obstacles. When there are no natural obstacles left, a TV show built as a romcom needs to start manufacturing them, and while Nobody Wants This maintains a pretty high level of likeability and a pretty solid assortment of natural obstacles, the big complication that threatens to divide Joanne and Noah at the end of the season is pretty much bullshit.

I look forward to a third season but I also worry about it.

(Also, both Brody and Bell are in their mid-40's but it's clear that the show is presenting them as if they're in their mid-to-late '30s. The tone of a relationship and the future it presents is very different between these two ages. It's a good thing both performers are in incredible shape... Bell's shoulders and lats, migawd.)

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The Lowdown Season 1 - 2025, Disney+/FX (8/8 episodes)
created by Sterlin Harjo

When I put on the first episode I was in the midst of rewatching all the films of the Coen Brothers, and what was clear as mud was that the Coens were a particularly big source of inspiration for Sterlin Harjo in the execution of this series. 

There's a cinematic wasteland of bad Coens-esque productions out there, and this is most definitely not one of them, in part because it's clear that Harjo is inspired not just by the Coens but also by the same materials that inspire the Coens, particularly vintage detective fiction.

It also doesn't hurt that Harjo has his own decidedly strong and singular voice honed over a number of film projects (all remain relatively unheard of but now must be demanding eyes on them) and seemed to come out fully formed in the FX series Reservation Dogs, undeniably one of the best TV series of the past 25 years.

The day after watching the pilot I saw One Battle After Another, a film which rapidly consumed my excess brain space, and a film which, in many respects, seemed to have kinship with The Lowdown...or at least operating in the same temperature. A refrain in the first episode of The Lowdown - "There's nothing worse than a white man who cares" could very much be applied to Paul Thomas Anderson's latest as well.

The Lowdown stars Ethan Hawke (in probably my favourite performance he's ever done) as Lee Raybon, an investigative journalist, or "truthstorian" as he dubs himself, and very much a white man who cares. And it's not performative caring. He legit is fighting for everything he believes in and to great sacrifice to himself.  There's no glory in what he's doing. The papers and magazines he writes for are not in the least prestigious and, like all news media these days, just flailing to keep their head above water. 

Lee had written an article, an expose on the man campaigning for the Oklahoma governorship, Donald Washburn (Kyle MacLachlin) and his family, and shortly after its published, Washburn's brother (Tim Blake Nelson) apparently committed suicide. Lee smells something fishy around it all and begins peeling back the layers of a potential conspiracy involving the rich Oklahoma muckety mucks and a white supremist church with their own private army of ex-cons.

Lee's life is put in jeopardy many, many, many times, but where with most it would be a deterrent, for him its just more fuel and ammunition to charge forward. 

The show is an incredible tonal balance of comedy, mystery, intrigue, drama, intensity, the whole spectrum. With all apologies to Noah Hawley's Fargo TV series (a show I love, mostly), this is the best example of what a Coens-esque TV should or could look like. It's an incredibly exciting and entertaining and thought provoking ride the entire time, and even the singular interlude episode winds up being an entirely welcome interruption thanks to Peter Dinklage's incredible performance.

The show is entirely well casted, with Jeanne Tripplehorne as the femme fatale, Kaniehtiio Horn as Lee's ex, Star Wars:Skeleton Crew's Ryan Kiera Armstrong as Lee's daughter, Keith David as a concerned party to Lee's actions, and the dozen other supporting players that pop in and out in this wild neo-noir. 

The best show of the year? Yeah, probably.

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The Studio Season 1 - 2025, AppleTV+ (10/10 episodes)
created by Seth Rogen and Evan Goldberg

Spoiler Alert, but The Studio ends with Seth Rogen's character, Matt Remick, head of Continental Studios, standing on stage in front of a theatre full of people trying to get a chant going... "Moo-vies. Moo-vies. Moo-vies" and invariably the chant picks up and ultimately fills the theatre. Remick is elated.

It is, in context, just another of the many utterly absurd moments of the series. Here Matt and company have been trying to "Weekend at Bernies" their CEO Griffin Mill (Bryan Cranston) who had overdosed on mushrooms at Matt's party the night before, and ..ah, it was a whole thing. But the point being, a theatre full of people chanting "Moo-vies Moo-vies Moo-vies" is so, so stupid in context, and yet...and yet, there's a power to it, to reaffirming that, yes, movies are awesome, and sometimes you just want to be excited about the concept of them and that they exist.

I don't take to cringe comedy well. I've done my time with it, and I generally try and avoid it when I see it coming. I can small-dose it, but I really am not enamoured by people being awkward and making things worse for themselves with either no self awareness or an inability to stop themselves. The Studio is sort of a cringe comedy, but it's so nestled within satire that it effectively tempers the cringe. 

The series finds Matt Remick appointed as the new head of Continental, and it's a role that Matt feels he's earned, but it rapidly becomes clear he maybe doesn't have the stomach for it. He loves movies, but loving movies doesn't make a studio money, and the compromises Matt must make at every turn seem to tear him up inside. But at the same time, Matt has to contest with his own pretentiousness, his own ego, his own film snobbery, he has to play politics with artists and agents and press and public relations and his own producers at the studio. He has to contend with the ever-shifting nature of Hollywood and what is trending, what is successful.

The Studio is the latest in a long line of "behind the scenes" at a studio, but it does so with stars in its eyes and a knife with which to stab it in the back. It loves it and reveres it and loathes it wishes there were something better at every turn. It's this balance of admiration and detestation that makes the studio work so well. It's a show that's aware that it's better to have studios than not, but that they're also fundamentally broken and will probably never get fixed.

Rogen and Seth Goldberg direct each episode, and their style for the series is to construct the episodes as a series of one-shots. So each episode will have anywhere from one to a half dozen edits, and that's it. If you don't notice it, it means the show is doing its job at being entertaining, and if you do notice it, it's hard not to be impressed.

It's a series loaded to the gills with guest stars, from Charlize Theron to Zac Efron to Ron Howard to Zoe Kravitz to Ted Sarandos to Martin Scorsese to getting Sarah Polley out of acting retirement, but it's all backed up with a core cast of great comedic performers including Ike Barinholtz, Kathryn Hahn and Catherine O'Hara.

I can't get out of this review without mentioning that the big "tentpole" picture at Continental Studios is a Kool-aid Man movies starring Ice Cube. It's ridiculous and never ceases to be entertaining as the studio execs labour over the decisions they need to make on such a production.

There's also an irony to having a TV show that's really an honest love letter to movies. Moo-vies. Moo-vies. Moo-vies. Moo-vies. Moo-vies Moo-vies. Moo-vies Moo-vies Moo-vies Moo-vies. Moo-vies Moo-vies Moo-vies Moo-vies Moo-vies Moo-vies Moo-vies Moo-vies Moo-vies Moo-vies Moo-vies Moo-vies!

1-1-1-KsMIRT: odds on endings

KsMIRT=Kent's month in reviewing television. This month, the definite end of one series, the probable end of another, the first seasons of two others, and one show I've been waiting some time to get eyes on.

This Month:
The Bear Season 5 - 2026, disney+ [8/8 episodes watched]
Deli Boys Season 2 - 2026, disney+[6/6 episodes watched]
Spider-Noir Season 1 - 2026, amazonprime [ /8 episodes watched] 
Maximum Pleasure Guaranteed Season 1 - 2026, appletv [10 /10 episodes watched]
Year of the Rabbit Series 1 - 2019, tubi [6/6 episodes watched]

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The Bear Season 5
[created by Christopher Storer]
Seasons 1 | 2 | 3 | 4

The What 100: Carmy has told Sid he's quitting The Bear, she's now head chef, so it's time for a change. But uncle Jimmy's made some bad investments and has no money left to prop the Bear up, and is looking to sell the property. The credit cards are cut off, the cupboards are practically empty, and a heavy duty storm is wreaking havoc in Chicago. This could be the Bear's last night, but nobody wants it to end, and they're all going to fight for it's survival.

[1 Great] There is a moment in the penultimate episode that had both Lady Kent and I sit up and say "holy shit!" A literal magic trick that blew our minds.  I don't know if this particular feat is something that's famous in the fine dining world, or if it's an invention of Storer (or someone on staff), but wow. If you're not immediately aware of what I'm talking about, well, Marcus (Lionel Boyce) totally big-times his estranged father, whom he invited to the Bear (as he said, because he couldn't invite his mom, who passed away last season), but also to show off his talent, to show up his father, and possibly even reconnect (but that seems far down the list) and with the Bear's impending doom hovering overhead, he doesn't have much opportunity. A pretty great arc for Marcus this season.

[1 Good] Last season had a literal ticking clock over its head, a countdown to profitability issue by Uncle Jimmy (Oliver Platt), though his reasons weren't as clear as they are within moments of this season's start. In this season of eight episodes, seven of the eight episodes take place on the same day as the staff need to battle their own insecurities, their anger and disappointments, the weather, other failures in the building, and fight not just to make it through the day but to hold their family together. While Carmy (Jeremy Allen White) quitting was supposed to remain a secret through to the end of the day, it gets blurted out in the heat of the moment, and it just raises awareness to the fact that Carmen wouldn't be a bonding agent, but one of division. He's immensely creative, and assuredly talented, but the job brings out the worst in him too, and he recognizes that his heart isn't in it, not like the rest of them. "I can't stay", he says to Sugar (Abby Elliott). "Nobody's asking you to," she replies in the way only a sibling can. It's not to injure him, but it's a double edged sword that is both supporting his decision, and cutting down his egocentricness. This season is propulsive (as many of the seasons have been) but the "all in one day" motif really, really makes it feel like a necessary binge. It could have been a four hour movie, but I think it works well with chapter breaks, as each episode still has a distinct and defined segment of the day.

[1 Bad] There's a lot of great things happening in this final season of The Bear. Every main character gets their spotlight, but the secondary characters don't quite get the same spotlight. Uncle Jimmy becomes the comic relief as he and his investment manager/best friend Computer (Brian Koppelman) and Computer's business savvy niece Cheese (Elsie Fisher) try to sort out how Jimmy can get some money, any money, out of the only asset he has left (the Bear). Last season Ebraheim (Edwin Lee Gibson) had a subplot working with a mentor (the late Rob Reiner unable to return this season) to develop a plan to franchise out The Original Beef of Chicagoland, and this season Ebra spends his time fretting over presenting his pitch to Carmy and looking for a spoon thief. The scenes of him practising his pitch are great (the running gag about him being bewitched by Carmy's blue eyes was fantastic), and the resolution to this plot is satisfying, but it's Cheese who finds Ebra's proposal and then it cuts past what should have been a great scene of Ebra and Cheese talking, leading to Ebra and Jimmy and Computer meeting. Ebra gets so shortchanged, the only bad thing about this otherwise terrific season.

META: Finales are hard, but this one nails it. I don't usually like it when a series spends the whole final season acting as if each episode is a finale, giving each character a specific spotlight to go out on. I much prefer it to be business as usual with a big final episode, but season 5 of The Bear has it both ways, and it works. It mostly works because it's not trying to close out individual character plots one by one, it's teeing up each character arc in the first episode or two, working through it through the single day, and winding it down by the end of the day. It's all about pacing and it is so very well paced.  The finale then give us moments that follow. We know that pretty much everyone in the cast is still working at the restaurant, making it work, but it's Carmen's story that we need resolution on and we see what's next for him. But we also see hints at where everyone else is going, and showing them still progressing, and reinforcing the found-family dynamic of the Bear.  It's an uplifting, hopeful, and celebratory ending that actually satisfies. I wish I had written this out as a fine dining metaphor.

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Deli Boys Season 2
created by Abdullah Saeed
(Season 1)

The What 100: Brothers Mir and Raj Dar have successfully taken over their deceased father's business and are now the cocaine kingpins of Philadelphia. District Attorney and mayoral hopeful Andrew Chadwater seems all too aware that the impact the Dar family is having and, more than for the social good, just wants the good press of taking them down. The only problem the Dars have is they are making too much money and can't launder it fast enough. They approach mobster/casino owner Max Sugar, who hits it off with Lucky. And then Uncle Ahmad - who the boys discovered was responsible for their father's murder - winds up dead and Raj is arrested, and becomes the internet viral sensation, the "Fuck Me Felon". Mir wants to buy a golf course for some semblance of legitimacy.

[1 Great] Deli Boys is a farce. It's not taking the world of drug dealing, money laundering, corruption and murder seriously in the slightest. In fact it's perception is that it's all very silly. The trick is to have the characters take it seriously, even if some of them are buffoons, or hyper-serious to the point of ridiculousness. Mir (Asif Ali) and Raj (Saagar Shaikh) are incredibly entertaining characters, with Mir being the more nebbish but also educated but also still out of his element, while Raj is very of-the-moment and, well, often high...and charming, but usually not charming enough. The show is not a joke machine like 30 Rock and its ilk, but instead is a character and situational based comedy, and the characters, pretty universally are wildly entertaining, and the situations are constantly surprising. It's an incredibly funny show which many might be put off simply by the premise (which requires us two root for two outsiders succeeding in doing everything illegal, including murder).

[1 Good]  I don't know that this write-up is much different than the season 1 write-up, just saying the same things in a different way. Of course Poorna Jagannathan is the show's superpower. She's a commanding screen presence, a gifted actress, and an absolutely stunning woman. It's almost unfair to put her in a relationship with Fred Armisen (playing Max Silver) because, at least in attractiveness, she's so far above him (she was paired up briefly with Common in Never Have I Ever and that felt more appropriate), but Armisen is a wizard of comedic characters and so she has to go toe to toe with him in these comedic situations and holds her own. I'm excited to see she's appearing in Lanterns this month.

[1 Bad] This second season of Deli Boys had a reduced episode count...and a significant one at that. Whereas season 1 had 10 episodes, this season only had a 6-episode order. Yeah, that's not good, but the real bad is that the first three episodes of the season feel like they're condensing five or six episodes worth of plot into three episodes and so the events of the show move so incredibly quickly. Raj is barely in jail for a full episode and so they don't get a lot of time to really build upon the scenarios that presents (plus we could have had more of Kumail Nanjiani guest starring as Raj's lawyer and Lucky's ex).  There feels like there was more story, more comedy to be had this season, but whatever plotlines were constructed between seasons weren't reworked but just compressed.

META: The reduced episode count in itself felt like a token gesture from Hulu, and less that they had any faith in the show growing their audience. Unless the series suddenly multiplied its viewership, I don't think it'll be back, which is a bummer because it's a super-talented cast and crew and a hilarious show which could really do with more room to breath and expand (there's so many wild characters they haven't had the time to build out or explore).

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Spider-Noir

[created by Oren Uziel] 

The What 100: In an alternate reality 1930's, Ben Reilly used to be a superhero called the Spider but is now a washed-up private dick who scrambles to make ends meet. The trauma of losing his fiancee Ruby still weighs heavy and he finds it hard to care about the world anymore. In the Spider's absence, mob boss Fin "Silvermane" Byrne has taken control of New York City, but the once meek mayor, seeking re-election, is now fighting back, and things are getting ugly. It only gets worse when new super-powered beings emerge. Reilly somehow winds up in the mix of it all after taking a case from lounge singer Cat Hardy.

[1 Great] Without resorting to heavy-handed exposition, the creatives involved in this series manage to build a world of the 1930s NYC that is recognizable from history but distinctly its own vibe. It doesn't shy away from the ugly nature of segregation and racism of the era, but also never makes it "a very special episode" material. It is just part of the underpinning of the world that these people live in. The sets, costuming, hair, and special effects are all constructed and displayed in a manner to evoke classic noir, all aided by the decision to let the audience choose their own viewing adventure: colour, or black and white. (The series was shot with b&w in mind, so this was the option I went with, and it looks fabulous.)  The aesthetics extend to the sometimes ham-fisted or melodramatic acting which feel very much of the classic noir genre, and the injection of superpowers into the whole thing may be much more advanced than what had been done in the serials of the '30's and '40's but at the same time, there's a baked-in bit of clunkiness to the make-up, the fights, the digital powers to give it a tangible charm even when it might not be so real (the b&w really helps to cover its tracks).

[1 Good] Spider-Noir is not a show meant for kids. It's got a bit of swearing, drinking and smoking, and some violence that goes just beyond the typical MCU cartoonishness. It feels very much like the superhero shows of the 2000s, where a character is either divorced from the greater universe he or she would normally exist in, or is made up from whole cloth. In this case, Spider-Noir has always been an alt-universe character who exists outside the normal "616" and the Spider also has a very minimal history in publication so there's really not much for the series to be beholden to. They pretty much had a blank slate to start with.  We basically know what a spider-man is, what his powers are, so we get a series that begins without necessitating an origin story (but we get that eventually anyway). That frees up exposition for world building. And like the superhero shows of the 2000s, it's able to employ the names and/or power sets of other characters onto pretty much wholly new figures, while still capturing the essence and giving the audience the charge of seeing an "Electro" or "Sandman" or "Black Cat" on screen without requiring fealty to source material. This felt both fresh and retro at the same time.

[1 Bad] Without Nic Cage, I don't think this show was getting made, and given that the actor voiced the character in Into the Spider-Verse and is a lifelong comics nerd (he named his son Kal-El) who really wants to be in comic book properties (eg. Ghost Rider, his ill-fated turn as Superman) it's clear he was putting everything his 60-something-year-old body could into this. It wouldn't be the same without him, and it's a role, once again, without much lore or history to it, that he can own outright and make it his. He sure does. In all honesty, he does a really great job 90% of the time.  He gets to be a smartass with a bit of a mouth, he gets to be a drunk, he gets to have trauma, he gets to act aloof or detached from repercussions (until they hit home)... and he delivers on everything...almost. There is a romantic sub-plot between himself and Cat Hardy that flows in and out of amenable chemistry. Sometimes there's a real flame cooking, and other times Cage seems in his own goofy world of amour. But the hardest part to accept in the series is that Ben Reilly seems like he should be in his late-'40's, not early '60's so no matter how good Cage is, there's always a bit of a disconnect when watching him in the role.  The show does do an excellent job, however, of making Ben Reilly a bit of a broken down veteran. He takes his damn lumps, over and over.

META: I really wasn't expecting to like this show, but honestly I was pretty hooked from the first episode. I watched it in two concentrated viewings, the first four episodes over a two day span and then all the remaining episodes in one sitting a few weeks later. It's a show that seems like it has very little fat on it, but that's just how good it is at hiding it. The flashbacks, and some of the side-quests aren't altogether essential to the story so much as understanding the Spider and where he came from, and yet, the way the show bakes in the origin story is as much about the supervillains the Spider is facing this season as it is about him. There's not much backtracking in this show, it maintains forward momentum excellently and it winds up in the end right where it should. It's quite satisfying in a way that, say, Daredevil was not. The pastiche really helps.  I hear a second season has been ordered. It doesn't need it, but it's not unwelcome.

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Maximum Pleasure Guaranteed
[created by David J. Rosen]

The What 100: Paula Saunders is an ace fact checker at a New York-based magazine. She's a divorced, friendless mother who puts all her energies into her job and her daughter, Hazel. With what little time she has left, she finds relief with a cam boy, Trevor, with whom she's intimate with both visually and emotionally. And then Trevor is assaulted on camera and Paula is called for Trevor's ransom. The police say it's a scam. Paula puts her researching skills to the test and tracks down Trevor, only to find him dead. Out of the frying pan and into the fire.

[1 Great] Maximum Pleasure Guaranteed is a very modern series, both in subject matter and in storytelling style. It's an exceptionally taut thriller, bristling with intensity, but also it has a wicked comedic streak that helps balance out its heavier impulses. And it's very well balanced. It's obviously a product of the streaming era where episode lengths can be whatever, but most of MPG clock in at around a half-hour. These shorter episode lengths make for a propulsive series that, more often than not, feature an final shot or sequence at each episode's end that just kind of slaps you in the face and makes you want to know what happens next. I honestly can't think of anyone other than Tatiana Maslany who can negotiate the tonal shifts of this show so effortlessly, and manage the many, many demands on her character to be an isolationist, to be snarky, to be an emotionally devoted mother, to convey the stress of the situations thrust upon her, but also find the resolve to quite literally work her way through them. Maslany doesn't make a single false step in the entire series. She's riveting, and the show, while, excellent, is twice as good because of her.

[1 Good] The end of episode 6. I jumped out of my seat and applauded.

[1 Bad] The series spends 9 episodes putting Paula deeper and deeper into trouble and in the end she manages to work her way out of it, and never manages to feel like cheating (well, save for that one cliched moment in the penultimate episode). In the process she uncovers a whole other world of trouble that it seems like she manages to side step, but in the closing moment of the season, Paula receives an alarming text that indicates she's falling right back into the intensity. Hey, it makes sense for Paula to have found her way out of the hole she dug for herself, but not completely escaped it. The layers are many and we've only seen a few without full context. I don't have any issue with this. Really what bothers me is the video Paula was sent. It is confounding in its origin. Where did it come from? Why was it not unveiled before? We know exactly what trouble it spells for Paula and I'm keen for her to once again use her research skills and tenacity to keep her head above water and eventually find the shore.

META: I've watched a bunch of giallo films recently, and some commentary on the subgenre of Italian cinema. Giallos are horror-tinged murder-mysteries where there's a killer on the loose and a non-professional everyman (or woman) either gets thrust into the position of figuring out what's happening or thrusts themselves into the position of investigating. In some respects, Maximum Pleasure Guaranteed is a sort of Giallo, only the killer is a professional cleaner and not a crazed murderer. MPG has much in common with The Flight Attendant, a show with a magnificent season one and a middling season two, but had its title character launched into a Hitchcockian murder mystery but with a heavy side of humour. I genuinely hope MPG is able to avoid the second season curse and find its way into a stellar second chapter.

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Year of the Rabbit series 1
created by Kevin Cecil and Andy Riley

The What 100: In 1887 London, Rabbit is a police detective whose violent and self destructive impulses get in the way of his sometimes astute sleuthing skills. He's saddled with a new partner, the keen and upbeat new recruit Wilbur Strauss, as well as receiving the unsolicited aide of the Chief Inspector's adopted daughter Mabel, who wants to be a copper (but, you know, 1887+sexism+racism). Rabbit has a nemesis on the force in Tanner, makes enemies with public officials, and is only starting to see the signs of a secret society of puppet masters pulling strings around London.

[1 Great] It's always going to be Matt Berry. The man just has an incredibly distinctive way of delivering lines and the characters he inhabits are always a very Matt Berry type. Here Rabbit is boorish and dismissing and self-aggrandizing and hyper-sexual but also on the right side of gender and social issues (well, kinda) and ignorant of the advancements in technology and politics and the social contract around him. His ability to sleuth and deduce are sometimes very Get Smart/Inspector Gadget where he gets it so wrong based on assumption but the people around him direct him the right way. He's a delight to watch, even in the fithy surrounding of grimy 19th-century London.

[1 Good] For a sub-30-minute comedy series, the production values are pretty great at making a particular corner of Londing circa the 1880s look like an absolute shit hole (not to mention the amount of times over six episodes they drop into the sewers or meet filth merchants). But it's the setting that makes everything turn in this show. Playing with the realities of the era in juxtaposition against modern sensibilities is a great source of humour (there's a particularly incisive takedown of the anti-immigrants, the Brexiters and Nigel Farage joke throughout the series). 

[1 Bad] I don't know if making the "big bad" of the series a secret society of women seeking equality with violence and manipulation is really the message that we need today. But hey, Keeley Hawes makes for a great nefarious master manipulator and we get Sally Phillips adopting a deliciously ridiculous accent as a Bulgarian Princess.  Plus this main storyline gives Susan Wokoma's Mabel her narrative thrust and Wokoma is an excellent second lead, and Mabel the show's most interesting and well developed character ...in other words, not all bad.

META: I'm not sure why Year of the Rabbit didn't get a subsequent series. Perhaps it was scheduling with Barry in Canada working on What We Do In The Shadows for years. Maybe it was budget, as period pieces always cost more. Or maybe it was COVID related given the timing of the series 1 release. The show works, though, and it could do with another two or three. I've been wanting to watch the show since its initial release but as far as I know Tubi's the first North American streamer to pick it up. Happy to have finally seen it.

3+1 Short Paragraphs: The Bubble

2022, Judd Apatow (This Is 40) -- Netflix

Still writing posts during rewatches of Dune and The Batman, and getting nowhere with my latest Spider-Man movie post, which probably means a rewatch is warranted as well*. Its weird that I feel I should rewatch the movies before I write about them, because I want to give them what is due (but really, do I ever?) and yet here I am filling in the gap with a movie I watched pretty much before all of these (Dune is the exception) and I am just going with it. I guess that says something about how much I care about it.

* I used to think that having a (usually strong) beer late in the evening was lending itself to forgetting everything about a movie three days after watching it, but of late, I think its just stress-brain.

This movie was all about the teasers that came out EVERYWHERE long before the movie was released on Netflix. These teasers were for the movie that is being made in The Bubble which is about a group of actors and supporting crew cloistered in a country estate hotel in Britain during a pandemic, desperate to make a movie despite all the challenges. Said movie is the latest in a popular monster adventure franchise called Cliff Beasts. These are terrible, Asylum level movies but based on the energy the cast, crew and producers are putting into making the movie, I would hazard it is more akin to Jurassic Park in this world. Nobody wants this latest sequel but the producers are desperate to make money during a pandemic, even while they vacation off-camera in locales utterly unaffected by any pandemic restrictions, more likely because money.

I am now pretty sure that movies from and about the pandemic are going to have a very very short shelf-life in our movie watching legacy. This came out at the (fingers crossed) tail end of our own very real pandemic but already it seems so out of touch. It wanted to poke fun at the protocols and lazy restrictions put in place, and all the hoops actors and crew were forced to jump through just so the money grubbing production companies (the studios) could continue to make money, not giving a rat's ass about humans getting sick. But all the trappings around it just fell flat for the most part, reminding me why I don't watch more Apatow flicks. 

That said, there were some pretty good performances by pretty great people. Iris Apatow, Judd and Leslie's daughter, is great as a vapid social media star cast in the movie purely for the youth demographic -- she does a Tik Tok style dance with a dinosaur, which we also get to see depicted by a couple of wry guys in terrible green mocap suits. Pedro Pascal is Dieter, a method actor who spends most of the movie under the influence of one thing or another, desperate to get into anybody's pants. David Duchovny, Peter Serafinowicz, and Leslie Mann also put in some fine performances, i.e. I had nothing to complain about their characters, but they did nothing more than what they were paid to do. And Karen Gillan is Carol, the closest thing the movie has to a main character, not really interested in doing the movie since she left the franchise, but needs the money and exposure after some disastrous choices. Gillan is Hollywood, and ... well, she left me feeling flat, much like the movie did.

Zombie^5

I watch a lot of zombie movies. I didn't realize how many till five queued up in my To Be Written list. Some are good, most are bad. Very very few are great. The genre is mostly played out but it will always linger in the back of the horror genre, at least until The Walking Dead finishes its run. Until then, media will continue to milk its inky black blood.

Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, 2016, Burr Steers (17 Again) -- download

P&P&Z tackles something most zombie fiction doesn't even attempt to -- what were the creatures before they died / changed and how much of them is left over when they become such? Oddly enough, it is often the comedies that explore this aspect. The serious ones always stick to the unsettling aspects of the horde.

The movie, one that Marmy hates in concept but will never see, comes from the book which is a tongue in cheek retooling of the Jane Austen novel.  It was literally developed title down -- here's the title, write a book for it! Insert zombies & ninjas into the Austen milieux! While definitely full on rotting tongue in decaying cheek, it is a serious movie; not comedy.

Like in World War Z, the apocalypse begins in China. And spreads quickly, on trade ships, around the world. Post war, England has to be ever watchful of another rising and has trained its youth in the art of combat. Wealthy go to Japan, while the middle class only get Chinese training. The poor get eaten.

The movie intertwines the core Austen story with an uglier plot, one where someone wants the rise of the undead to succeed. As I mentioned, the zombies retain their memories and intelligence; they just are overwhelmed by a desire to eat your face and yes, they rot. Some worse than others. Some people believe the undead can be redeemed, through religion or reason. Others believe they are the next step in mankind, and are leading the dead to organize. Thus we get an OK action movie, to foil the evil plot, mixed up with a love story.

Pandemic, 2016, John Suits (The Scribbler) -- download

Meanwhile this gives us just another tired concept zombie flick. The concept at play? The video game motif -- we see everything through helmet cams, all the action at the end of a FPS gun. There's never been a good use of this. I will tell you how well Hardcore Henry does it when I finish watching that movie.

The sub-genre is infection with defined stages. Stage one is common cold-like symptoms; the final stage has a raving eating machine awakening from a death-like coma. There are no walking dead, just people with a disease. This is the most tragic of the zombie sub-genres, as so many have to die just so uninfected humans can stay alive.

This is a terrible movie that badly mixes personal drama (i just want to get back to my daughter!) with... wait, that's not this movie that is the last bad zombie flick I watched, Re-Kill, which also had a tired concept at the core of its plot.  So, this movie IS about personal drama and that's pretty much all. Dr. Lauren, who is really not a doctor at all but someone who stole the credentials of one to join a team, to hunt down her family, sacrifices all of said team (including Alfie Allen, redeemed villain is his schtick now) to reunite with her daughter. Considering she pretty much destroys the protective detail of the place she wants to get her daughter into, there is not very much hope in the end.

I was never sure why the movie spent so much time on the prologue scenes, setting up the stages of infection and some mystery around the final stage. Sure, we get some [REC] style night-vision camera shots of a monstrous final form that sniffs us out, but it's not really at the core of the movie. Other than the title, the pandemic is barely explored. This is the issue of low budget Straight To movies, in that there are ideas but nobody has the money nor the inclination to explore.

And gawds, I hate when the posters have nothing to do with the movie.

[REC] 3: Génesis, 2012, Paco Plaza ([REC]) -- Netflix

Speaking of [REC], I did [REC] 2 back during this blog's first run of 31 Days of Horror.  Paco, co-director along with Jaume Balagueró, did all three movies. The third is considered the "origin" movie, thus the tag Génesis. As in, the genesis of the infection, not biblical reference to Genesis, despite what the character in the movie says. Really, this is more a Revelations thing.

The last movie ended revealing demonic influence on the evil zombie virus thing. It's rather unique in current zombie fiction but was the primary source back in the 80s/90s proto-zombie movies.  At a wedding, inside a walled compound, the infection, or demonic influence, slowly takes over the uncle of bride Clara until the dancing is in full swing. Then he bites another and BOOM, raving, biting, killing monsters in bad wedding attire. There is a mix of the sub-genre -- are they dead or merely infected? Well they are getting their throats torn out, before they turn, so a little of column A and a little of column B ? The fun thing is when you look in the mirror and see demonic, cadaverous creatures!

Yeah, this movie is fun. It tosses the tense, paranoid aspects of the first two movies on its head for a butt-kicking zombie-killing romp, including gearing-up scenes. Clara only wants to be reunited with her new husband Koldo. And no bloody scary wedding attendee will stop her! Chainsaws, swords and guns are picked up and dropped as the two wedded ones, and their tag-along crew of survivors, attempt to reunite. Meanwhile, a priest has discovered if you read prayers over the loud speakers it disables the zombies. Not that it really helps people much, but it does move the plot along and expand on the core conceit of the sub-genre. And, alas, it does not help the two lovers after they find each other.

Cell, 2016, Tod Williams (Paranormal Activity 2) -- download

This one was based on the only real zombie fiction that Stephen King did, but it approaches the genre in much the same way Guillermo del Toro did vampires -- through the use of a unique viral infection. The virus in question is passed through the cellular network and leaves behind only violent, mindless creatures. King wrote this over ten years ago, just before the era of touch-screen smartphones, but after the full assimilation of cell phones in general. It's not a comment of the overabundance of cellular communication, but a blatant exploitation of the paranoia around it.

The movie follows a handful of survivors, people who were not using their phones at the time the infection was transmitted. Clay Riddell, played by Straight To king John Cusack only wants to get back to his wife & son. We get a typical road story with not so typical infection background material. We also get a muddled ending without any closure.

It's a terrible terrible movie. Cusack and Samuel L Jackson *ahem* phone in their acting and the convoluted & mysterious conspiracy plot by Stephen King is inserted between incredibly boring scenes of people walking in silence or babbling on about stuff we are supposed to care about, but really don't -- character development!  The director almost seemed to think he was directing The Road, but without the great weight of the source material. But are we surprised? There is already a track record of terrible material being spawned from Stephen King books. For every five that are rotten, we get one that is OK and even rarely, a great one.

P.S. What is up with the movie posters? They are all uniformly terrible. And why attack choppers?

Scouts Guide to the Zombie Apocalypse, Christopher Landon (Paranormal Activity: The Marked Ones) -- Netflix

Pulling a night of video store movie flipping on Netflix led us to this one, which is weirdly called Scouts vs Zombies on their titling. I guess the actual title is too much of a mouthful? Anywayz, this is mid-budget comedy hinged on the idea that if they are always prepared, are they prepared for the zombie apocalypse? Short answer -- no. They require a butt kicking cocktail waitress in a pushup bra to encourage them.

This is a movie meant for teenage boys. Along with the core idea of long term friendships, there are tons and tons of immature references -- some funny, some cringe worthy but most just *yawn* on the level of fart jokes. The cocktail waitress is supposed to be some sort of empowerment of women comment, but the actress can barely run in her boots and once her shotgun runs out, she depends again on the teen boys. Really, she was just an excuse to look at cleavage. And a pseudo older woman fantasy?

The zombies in question? Boring, run of the mill fast moving, eating machines. Like most of the low grade examples of the genre, they really don't matter, as the are only antagonist fodder around the jokes and action scenes. But the idea that a bunch of teenage boys would have no issues destroying the entire class of bullies gone zombies is worth a smirk or two. At least they do attempt to rescue some of their classmates.

It makes you wonder why I am watching these movies, when I am pretty assured most will be terrible. I guess, even at their worst, I am comfortable enough and familiar with the beats and tropes of the genre. I know the rise of the tension well, and even at their worst, they touch on it. At my core, I am terribly frightened by the horde but aside from The Walking Dead few examples of the genre touch on this horror for me.

Am I looking for jewels in the trough? Or do I just like what I like...

[Updated] (almost) ALL Superhero Films... Ranked

With the release of Avengers: Endgame, we're really at a crossroads in terms of superhero films.  I can see the masses (read: non-nerds) feeling somewhat satiated with superheroes for the time being, and that there will be a marked decrease in box office revenue for superhero films from this moment forward, leading to a mass cancellation of superhero projects (and there's a lot of them upcoming), and a new (or resurgent) genre taking its place as box office king (if I had to guess I'd say it looks like musical biographies are the next big thing).

Which is not to say superhero films are going away any time soon, but I think there will be a real cooling period over the next few years.  Marvel Studios is still going to make a whole bunch of money, Warner Brothers DC properties are going to be the usual see-saw of good/great/awful, and all the others are going to be mostly a blip on the radar.  The next wave of nostalgia is going to cater to the millennials (we're already seeing it with Detective Pikachu and Sonic the Hedgehog movies coming out) and what they grew up with.  Like superhero movies it's going to take a long while for video game films to really earn some respect, but it will happen.

Anyway, I'm tackling a ranking of all superhero films that have hit the theatres since 1978 when Superman came out.  There were superhero films prior to that but mostly serials, which I have only a passing experience with.  Superhero movies didn't really become a thing until Superman showed that it could be a thing, and even then, it wasn't really until Batman in 1989 that it kind of exploded. (I will however add the Adam West starring Batman movie in for fun.)

So, yeah, it's not a complete list, and it's going to be North American centric...I can't tackle all the Asian Action, Bollywood, or Lucha movies, not to mention the plentiful international knock offs.  I'm also going to limit it to movies that had a theatrical release, no direct-to-video (as DC alone has been cranking out a few of those each year for 20 years now) or TV movies.  Some films may be questionably "superhero" but if they're even vaguely superhero I'm listing them.
For the record I'm using this as a loose guide:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_American_superhero_films

Now this isn't a "what's the best movie", this is very personal and subjective, and you're welcome to disagree.  I just thought it would be a fun exercise to kill a few hours instead of doing all the other shit I have to do.

My methodology is simple.  I asked myself these questions:
1) do I like this movie?
2) do I like this more than the film before or after it on the list?
3) would I like to watch this movie again?
4) do I think this this movie is a good movie?
5) do I think this movie is important or significant in any way?
There's no real weighting to any of these questions, but the answers will adjust how the films appear on my list. Like I know Superman is important, and I think it's made well for its time, but I don't really want to watch it again (but I probably will at some point), and I don't really like it all that much.  It will rank in the top half for sure but likely lower middle of that top half.  We'll see.


At the end will be a list of omissions, for films I haven't seen, or don't have enough memory or impression of to really rank.

Also I've never really considered Lone Ranger or Zorro to be superheroes, but since The Rocketeer, The Phantom and The Shadow both came out at the height of Batmania, I have always considered them superhero films.  As such I should consider Lone Ranger, Zorro, Tarzan movies and Dick Tracy (however I haven't actually seen any Zorro or Lone Ranger movies so they'll go in Omissions).  No films about Greek or Roman gods have been included.  Modern mythologies only (*wink*).  The Mask, The Crow, Tank Girl and even Blade (among others) aren't necessarily "superheroes" to me either, yet, the comic book influence is there so they're on the list. Robocop is an action movie, so it's off the list, otherwise, I mean, really, Die Hard, Indiana Jones, the Fast & Furious, John Wick, the Matrix, Kingsmen, Men In Black and other series could also have a legitimate claim to being on this list but I have to draw the line somewhere.

Here we go...

127. Steel (1997) - The character was drawn to look kind of like Shaquille O'Neill in the comics, and fancasting put him squarely in the role, but actually casting him in a no-budget movie was not a great idea...this was peak 90's producer incompetence

126. The Meteor Man (1993) - Robert Townsend took a big swing and missed just as big. This seemed like a movie trying to cash in on "the superhero craze" rather than Townsend being a fan of the genre and it showed.  It just felt cheap and small.

125. Batman and Robin (1997) - I felt uncomfortably queasy the whole time, what a gaudy nightmare of a film.  A real Superman IV of the 90's.

124. Judge Dredd (1995) - I don't have any real connection to the character, so it fares only marginally better than Batman and Robin as a result.  This is an exceptionally poor adaptation of the character, made all the worse by everyone involved in the production.

123. Blankman (1994) - I wanted this to be something great, a superhero comedy was something we could have used.  I don't really remember what it was, but I did not like it and I did not find it funny.  I seem to recall it being quite offensive in 1994, I can't imagine how bad it is today. But I may be wrong, maybe there's some shred of Damon Wayans' comedic aptitude in there somewhere.  I dread the idea of revisiting it.

122. Spider-Man 3 (2007) - one of the worst cinema-going experiences I ever had.  Everyone's masks keep flipping on and off, nobody's heart seems into it. It's just a sad, ugly, frustrating, disappointing mess.

121. X-Men: The Last Stand (2006) - Brett Ratner came in and ruined two great stories from the comics in one fell swoop.  Everything about this one goes wrong... except casting Ellen Page as Kitty Pryde, but even still, moof.  Borderline unwatchable.

120. Fantastic Four (2015) - something bad happened here. The idea of turning the Fantastic Four into a body horror/suspense/mystery wasn't necessarily a bad idea (nor, really, a good one), but the studio got cold feet and then didn't know what to do with what they had, so they cut it like this and pooped it out into the world and hit us in the face with it.  Thanks.

119. Teenaged Mutant Ninja Turtles III: Turtles In Time (1993) - this felt like a desperation move as a last-ditch cash-in move on the waning Turtles fad, a real "we spent all this money on these animatronic costumes, we're not going to waste it but we're also not going to invest anything further".  Dire.

118. Tarzan and the Lost City (1998) - when they tried to make Casper Van Dien a big action star...this is the almost the sunken bottom of 90's hero movies. Just so inept.

117. Superman IV: The Quest for Peace (1987) - Even at 11 years old I could tell from commercials this wasn't going to be good.  It wasn't.

116. Superman III (1983) - Even at 7 years old I knew this movie was bullshit.  It's not a Superman movie but a Richard Pryor movie with Superman in it.  And it's not even a good Richard Pryor movie.

115. Elektra (2005) - The maligned Daredevil begat an even more maligned spin-off.  This one's a hot mess that doesn't know what it wants to be, what it's trying to say, or what it's trying to do.

114. Blade: Trinity (2004) - the film's original idea was that the vampires had won and taken over the Earth. Instead we get an unconvincing Dracula as a big bad, and everyone either playing bored or playing safe.  I cringe whenever I see David Goyer's name attached to anything as director.

113. The Phantom (1996) - when they tried to make Billy Zane a big action star.  Some old studio execs really wanted to see their childhood pulp heroes on the screen in the 90's but they didn't really care to sink any money into it.  Commodity filmmaking.

112. The Crow: City Of Angels (1996) - Everything that was special about the Crow was retread here through the pastiche of a cheap French music video. Everyone seems to be asleep except Iggy Pop, who is off in his own little world.

111. X-Men Origins: Wolverine (2009) - The opening montage of Wolverine's history is top notch, and it goes steeply downhill from there, quickly becoming a meandering, expository mess.

110. Spawn (1997) - a better movie than many others above it on this list, but has not aged well at all. It's special effects are so gaudily 1997 that suspension of disbelief is not an option.

109. Kick-Ass (2010) - better than the source material, but that's not saying much. An aggressively unappealing movie that thinks itself much more clever than it is.

108. Green Lantern (2011) - Made in the wake of Marvel's successes, DC/WB tried to stuff too much into it, which only exacerbated the rest of its many problems. It's borderline unwatchable, yet I still wish there was a sequel (Mark Strong's Sinestro was poised to be a great cinematic villain).

107. Justice League (2017) - what a fucking travesty. Just a 100% mess through-and-through.  No real highlights, plenty of low-points.  Even the unbearable hubris of a full Snyder cut would be preferable to whatever mediocre bullshit this is.

106. X-Men: Apocalypse (2016) - third movies in a trilogy tend to be a weak spot and this one is so weak.  Just an impregnable story with a third act full of swirly bullshit meaning nothing.  This was a ton of money spent on something that felt so lazy.

105. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: Secret of the Ooze (1991) - it's hard to convey how big a drop in quality this second out is compared to the first.  New Line cranked it out pretty quickly sensing that the Turtles fad might not last much longer (not realizing that if they just put out good movies it wouldn't disappear so fast).  Plus Ninja Rap.

104. The Shadow (1994) - I didn't get it.  Why for a film called The Shadow is everything so brightly lit, and looks gauzy like a soap opera?  And so melodramatic like a soap opera? 

103. Batman Forever (1995) - I remember not hating this when it came out...but I hated every casting decision in this film, and I can't bring myself to ever watch it again.

102. Barb Wire (1996) - it's Casablanca in a post-apocalyptic wasteland circa 1997. It's not great, but it's a few steps above the titty movie you were expecting from something starring Pamela Anderson.

101. Orgazmo (1997) - the South Park  guys make a comedy about a superhero porno. The jokes are obvious for the most part.  I'm sure I'd rather just watch an actual superhero porno.

100.  Supergirl (1984) - I know it's not very good, but I'll watch this a more than I'll watch half of the films higher than it on the list.

99. Batman (1966) - if you didn't like the campyness of Adam West's Batman, this is interminable.  If you did like it, this still isn't that great a version of that.


98. The Lego Batman Movie (2017) - ostensibly a better film than half of the ones higher on the list, but I found it genuinely unfunny.  I loved The Lego Movie and this felt like a direct-to-video knockoff of that.

97. Ghost Rider (2007) - Stephen Norrington had a big hit with Blade, a marginal hit with Daredevil, so he took another stab at the Marvel roster with Ghost Rider.  It's got Nic Cage in the titular role and that's pretty much all you need to know.  It's 2 hours with Nic Cage with his head on fire riding a motorcycle. Are you into it?

96. The Green Hornet (2011) - a 60's throwback, set as a surprisingly straight-faced reinvention starring Seth Rogen directed by Michel Gondry.  This should have been something special, not so eminently forgettable.

95. John Carter (2012) - another pulp hero story that just doesn't gel with modern day. It's been cribbed too much by better movies that it feels like a rip-off of itself.  I want it to be so much better than it is.

94. The Punisher (2004) - Thomas Jane was a good choice for Frank Castle, he got the character.  However, John Travolta as the bad guy was a terrible choice and basically ruined any chance the film had of being decent.  Plus, it tried to play too safe with the story and there's nothing safe about the Punisher.

93. Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance (2011) - somehow the Neveldine-Taylor combo with Nic Cage made a movie that was not nearly as dumb as it could have been, but it's still plenty dumb.

92. Darkman (1990) - a dozen years before Sam Raimi would get his hands on Spider-Man, he decided to create his own superhero, who was more pulp hero like The Shadow.  Liam Neeson, Frances McDormand, score by Danny Elfman.  It was okay at the time, remains okay now.

91. Masters of the Universe (1987) - So much is wrong with this movie's adaptation of the He-Man and the Masters of the Universe mythology that it stings my 11-year-old heart real, real bad.  Yet, I can watch this any time its on cable and almost enjoy it for what it is.

90. Daredevil (2004) - oh the lamentable, emo Daredevil.  I had no affection for the character, so I could sit back and enjoy this one multiple times over.  It lays on the mythology so thick in its short run time, too thick in fact, it get so weighed down. I've become a real Daredevil fan in recent years so there's real reluctance to go back to this one.

89. The Amazing Spider-Man (2012) - there's some winning elements to this, but boy does it feel like a dull, overworked retread.

88. The Legend of Tarzan (2016) - for a character that struggles with colonialism embedded in its DNA this film handles it rather well, and is fairly entertaining.  If I cared more about Tarzan it would be quite higher on the list.  I don't, so it's below Swamp Thing.

87. Fantastic Four (2005) - There are worse movies than Tim Story's light touch attempt at the Fantastic Four.  Two of the titular four are cast very well, the other two are wildly miscast.  The neutering of Doctor Doom is its greatest failure though.

86. Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer (2007) - Building up from a flawed foundation, the second FF movie didn't really have a chance.  It worked hard to raise the stakes and elevate itself, but without a template to show it how to go big with a superhero movie, it tried to keep its big Galactus story small and Galactus is as big as it gets...so...fail.  Surfer looked legit tho.

85. Superman Returns (2006) - I actually preferred this rehash of the Donner/Reeves Superman to the actual Donner/Reeves Superman, even if all I really want out of this is Superman punching stuff and I never get it...but now the tandem of Spacey + Singer casts a real pall over the whole thing.

84. The Mask (1994) - it's a lightweight comedy taken from a comic with a really dark comedy bent.  It's watchable but feels every bit as neutered as it is.

83. The Amazing Spider-Man 2 (2014) - there's a reason this falls just behind Dawn of Justice, both movies got lost in trying to build new universes rather than just telling their stories.  There's an some enjoyable moments here, but moof, did they ever fuck up the world building.  Forgettably ambitious.

82. Venom (2018) - tonally it's trying to be a comedy, but it doesn't really lean hard enough into it.  The action is tepid and the CGI symbiotes are direly ugly.  Yet it somehow winds up being fairly watchable.  It would be hard to have Tom Hardy, Michelle Williams and Riz Ahmed make something unwatchable.

81. Batman V Superman: Dawn of Justice (2016) - oh man, do I hate this movie.  It gets so much wrong about every character Snyder adapts to the screen. And two films into his run you kill Superman? Fuuuuck you, you dumb shit.  And yet, there's something oddly captivating about it, like watching a train wreck in slow motion.  I hate it, yet, I guarantee I'll watch it agian.

80. Hellboy II: The Golden Army (2008) - needed to be more about Hellboy and the BPRD characters and less about fucking elves or whatever. This seemed more like a Del Toro story than a Hellboy one.

79. Superman II (1981) - the first superhero movie to have a superhero fight other superheroes.  It was so freakin' awesome at the time.  Now it's slow, goofy, and the behind-the-scenes drama really spilled out on screen. It's the Justice League of its day.

78. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2014) - what a misstep the design of these Turtles was.  Besides the questionable hulking size and tribal wardrobe riffs, it's actually a pretty crackin' fun action movie.  Not very memorable, but a lot better than expected.

77. Suicide Squad (2017) - a masterclass in how not to edit a film.  Somewhere out there is a good cut of this movie without the on-the-nose soundtrack.  That said, it gets a pass thanks to its blatant homage to Escape from New York

76. The Wolverine (2013) - It's fine but falls apart in the third act.  I didn't really have much interest in this story.

75. The Incredible Hulk (2008) - there's two thirds of a pretty good movie here, but the third act is cheap and ugly...and somehow they did not improve upon the CGI Hulk from five years earlier.

74. Captain Underpants: The First Epic Movie (2017) - if there's a middle of the road on this list, this is it.  It's a perfectly serviceable movie adapting one of Dav Pilkey's many beloved creations to screen, complete with a few visual twists, but it's generally for kids and doesn't give too much concern to the adults.

73. Swamp Thing (1981) - Wes Craven, a master of 80's horror, made a decent, if underwhelming, gothic horror film out of the character.  Added points for an awesome suit and more added points for Adrienne Barbeau.

72. Big Hero 6 (2014) - there's a really kind heart beating within this film, but it's take on superheroes is kind of lacking.  Though a Marvel property, it ostracizes itself from not only any variation of the Marvel Universe, but also our own universe with its surreal SanFransokyo setting.

71. Chronicle (2012) - before he fucked up Fantastic Four and was fired from a Boba Fett standalone film, Josh Trank created a found-footage superhero film that is actual quite engrossing. It doesn't hurt that Michael B. Jordan's a big part of it either.

70. Super (2010) - James Gunn's very uncomfortable dark comedy about a traumatized Rainn Wilson who becomes a street vigilante, and his obsessive/aggressive sidekick played by Ellen Page.  What it lacks in flashy production values it makes up for with tight scripting and committed performances.  It's what Kick-Ass wishes it was.

69. The Crow (1994) - like Burton's Batman, this has not dated well at all.  I loved it dearly as a teen though. To modern eyes it looks cheap and the soundtrack is kind of cringe-worthy grunge-industrial which just screams 1990's.


 68. Superman (1978) - Important in its time, but veeeeeery dated. Truth is, I never liked it that much.  Christopher Reeves and most of the cast are great but the movie is pretty stupid. "Can you read my mind..."

 67. Flash Gordon (1980) - it's not a really great movie, but it's got a distinctive visual pop, and a Queen soundtrack.  It looks retro, cheap and yet expensive all at once.  In the wake of Star Wars, it should have been much bigger and more visually savvy, but it's kind of charming the way it is.

66. Megamind (2010) - what if the villain won? What if Lex Luthor beat Superman?  What then?  This film has a lot of fun with the concept and more than a few surprises.  Great voice acting from Will Ferrell, Brad Pitt, Tina Fey and others, but the animation is FUUUUUGLY.

65. Constantine (2004) - this is very little like the character should be, and yet, it's not that bad a movie on its own terms, even all Keanu-fied. 

64. The Specials (2000) - years before he became a powerhouse writer-director with Guardians of the Galaxy, James Gunn wrote The Specials, a genuinely enjoyable low-budget superhero comedy with an enjoyably game, talented cast.

63. X2: X-Men United (2003) - people hold this up as the best of the X-Men movies but I was never sold.  We lose so much of the character and team building of the first one to focus heavily on Wolverine who had broken out so big.  It's fine but I don't enjoy it.

62. Punisher: War Zone (2008) - a bone-crushing, blood-spurting, face-cracking good time full of pretty much non-stop soft-R brutality. I'm not a big Punisher fan, but this one nails the absurdity of the character.

61. Deadpool (2016) - Highly entertaining but also thoroughly exhausting.  Well made on a contained budget, full of surprises and big belly laughs (a few shocks too). 

60. Sky High (2005) - a superhero high school comedy.  This would play out much differently today, but it's legit funny and has a tremendous cast.

59. Tank Girl (1995) - I loved this movie. It's twisted, and weird, and goofy, and audacious and corny and should have been much bigger than it was and be much more appreciated than it is. Its soundtrack was the beating heart of 1995 for me (and hasn't aged as poorly as The Crow)

58. Hancock (2008) - it was many, many years later when I finally watched this film.  Some of the effects didn't hold up, but overall I thought it was pretty great.  People have problems with the third act, but it kind of worked for me.

57.  TMNT (2007) - like, the third or fourth round of Ninja Turtles revitalization.  They tried something new, and it's pretty good (good voice cast, good animation, decent story), but it didn't quite work, so they just tried again another day. 

56. Blade (1998) - not really a superhero movie, more horror/action, but this one really showed how to adapt a z-tier character to the big screen.

55. Blade II (2002) - Guillemo Del Toro brings his very specific touch to the Blade series, crafting a really horrific vampire evolution as adversary as well as placing Blade as sort of the straight man to a cadre of eccentric supporting characters.  The final conflict is a rough mash of CGI stunt fighting, and there's a few notes of ridiculousness, but also some stunning visuals that elevate it.

54. Deadpool 2 (2018) - A bigger budget means bigger gags and bigger shocks, surprises and thrills, but the mile-a-minute pacing is still utterly exhausting.  This has real heart though, and Zazie Beetz as Domino, so, yeah.
 
53. Mystery Men (1999) -  I was a big fan of the Flaming Carrot Comics which birthed these characters, and was quite disappointed with the film upon first viewing.  But over the years it's endeared itself to me, and I still quote it regularly ("I think you better put some pants back on if you're going to continue fighting crime today")

52. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Out of the Shadows (2016) - some slight correction to the design of the Turtles from the preceding movie wasn't enough.  The damage was done.  But they go for it here, full Kraang and everything. Bebop. Rocksteady.  Not the perfect execution of this story, but far more faithful than I think anyone could ever have dreamed.  I'm not even a big Turtles fan and I found it very exciting what they did and got away with.

51. Batman (1989) - Burton's Batman holds a very special place in my heart.  I saw it so many times I can quote it while watching it.  But as much as all the iconography screams "Batman" it doesn't really feel like Batman anymore.  It feels like a Tim Burton movie pretending to be a Batman movie.

50. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1990) - I didn't watch this until maybe two years ago and was absolutely astounded by how solid it was.  It feels stylistically right in line with Burton's Batman and Beatty's Dick Tracy but it feels so authentic to itself and holds up far better than both.

49. Teen Titans Go To The Movies (2018) - I find the Teen Titans Go cartoon to be abrasive, and yet this was very entertaining with some real loving deep-cuts into the DC Universe (a whole subplot about the Challengers of the Unknown!).  It's got all the surreal humour The Lego Batman Movie wishes it had.  I'll probably revisit films lower on the list more often, but this one really surprised me (even if I fell asleep in the theatre while watching it).

48. Watchmen (2009) - Snyder almost ruined DC films forever, and yet, I quite like his objectiveless adaptation of the Watchmen.  He loses 90% of the deconstructionism and allegory from the comics in the translation, but it serves like a visual Cliff Notes...and what visuals.

47. Push (2009) - I'll go to bat for Push.  I get suckered into its densely constructed, well-defined world of powered abilities and government conspiracies every time.  It's one of those worlds I want to spend more time in.

46. Spider-Man (2002) - take any scene out of context and this movie looks really bad, but sit through from start to finish and it's still quite a rousing picture.

45. Spider-Man 2 (2004) - An improvement on its predecessor, Raimi and the actors all feel very comfortable with what they're doing. Could be ranked higher if I cared about Spider-Man more.

44. Thor (2011) - It's the folkloric hero-romantic comedy nobody asked for but we got anyway.  Plus pints for Chris Hemsworth's abs, minus points for his dyed eyebrows and beard.

43. Iron Man 2 (2010) - It's messy, doing too much, but still charming with some very crafty sequences.

42. Man of Steel (2013) - this is a terrible, terrible Superman movie, because Snyder just doesn't understand the character, and yet it's quite engaging on its own merits.  I get angry about the malformed view of Superman but I like the Krypton stuff quite a bit.

41. Hulk (2003) - Ang Lee knew what he wanted to do, and he did it.  He put the comic page on screen, making panels and being all weird and arty.  I dug it, still dig it.  It's not everyone's cup of tea, and CGI Hulk is a now a weird rubber blob, but I'm still in for it.

40. Iron Man 3 (2013) - Shane Black makes a Shane Black movie starring Iron Man. I like it less when thinking about it in hindsight, but always really enjoy it in the moment.

39.  Thor: The Dark World (2013) - I always liked this one.  Now that Endgame has made it more relevant perhaps it will get a little more respect in the MCU roster.

38. Spider-Man: Far From Home (2019) - Practically ignoring the emotional side effects of Endgame it's MCU's "European Vacation".  The two post-credits sequences kind of outshine an otherwise enjoyable adventure.

37. Ant-Man and the Wasp (2018) - It's great to see Evangeline Lily take up a superhero role, it really suits her. I just wish the stakes in this were higher.

36.  Doctor Strange (2016) - basically rehashes the plot of Iron Man but has a better supporting cast and a much more satistfying third act, plus visual delights sparkle throughout.

35. Batman Returns (1992) - this is truly the world of Batman through the Tim Burton lens, where the director gets to just go for it.  Michelle Pfeiffer, Danny Devito and Christopher Walken all killing it. Plus, Christmas.

34. The Powerpuff Girls Movie (2002) - bright, cheerful, and brief, what's not to love.  I actually saw this in the theatre, by myself, in my mid-20s.

33.  Aquaman (2018) - this is not really that great a movie, but at the same time it is utterly fantastic.  There's no way this should work, but it does, and it does so with charm and glee.

32. The Dark Knight Rises (2012) - as far as Batman stories go, this one is kind of bullshit, and yet Christopher Nolan knows how to make an exciting goddamn picture.  It's very watchable.

31. Unbreakable (2000) - it has its flaws, but still remarkably compelling viewing.  Peak Shyamalan (it really was all downhill from here).

30. X-Men: First Class (2011) - if you're going to do a soft reboot of the series, there are worse ways than this.  The 60's period setting leading into the Cuban Missle Crisis added a definite x-factor to the proceedings. I wish Matthew Vaughan had stuck with X-Men rather than focusing on Mark Millar properties.

29. Dredd (2012) - a sci-fi/comic-book rip on The Raid, where Judge Dredd is locked into a single tower in a Mega City and he needs to fight his way up to the big bad.  Simple premise, expertly executed.  Frickin' awesome.  Wish it did better for a big-budget sequel.

28. Hellboy (2004) - If only the studio didn't demand the pointless human character as guide to this world, this would be the perfect Hellboy movie, but even still it stands pretty tall in my books.

27. Iron Man (2008) - I don't like Iron Man more that some of the films lower on the list but I bumped it up a few notches because of its importance in launching the MCU.

26. Batman Begins (2005) - it's a little dry, and there's not enough Batman, but it's tremendously well made as Nolan is wont to do.

25. Avengers: Age of Ultron (2015) - some character missteps and studio demands interrupt the flow of film, but overall a nice bit of comic booking on the big screen. Love James Spader's Ultron.

24. Captain Marvel (2019) - it took two viewings, but I'm sold.  Smart, fun and meaningful and the young girls love it, as they should.  This is a movie explicitly for them (but not to the exclusion of everyone else).

23. Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 (2017) - a lot happens in this one, almost too much, but most of it is really really good.  Love these characters and this view of the galaxy.

22. The Rocketeer (1991) - the coattails of Burton's Batman were getting pretty frayed by the time this one hit, and it was never going to be the blockbuster the studio hoped for. Yet, of every film from around that time, this is the one that gets better with age.

21. Logan (2017) - I'll put it to you straight, I don't care about Wolverine.  But this one makes a good case for caring about him.  Love the future setting and the very personal journey it takes. A quality film with the exception of yet another superhero movie where the big showdown is a character facing his opposite. We should be past that in 2017 (see Captain Marvel for a wonderful subversion of that).

20. Captain America: The First Avenger (2011) - This movie keeps growing on me with every viewing.  

19. Batman: Mask of the Phantasm (1993) - sure, it may not have been the big box office score like live action Batman, but nevertheless it's one of the best Batman movies ever.  The animation looks slow to modern eyes but it has style and charm to spare.

18.  X-Men (2000) - There's a simplicity to the first X-Men movie which keeps it near the top of the mutant heap for me.  It's lower budget means it's more character and relationship focused, something that the seems to lose with each step away from this foundation.

17. X-Men: Days of Future Past (2014) - while not quite as EPIC as I had hoped it would be, bridging two different timelines of X-Men worked out far better than it had any right to.  I love the 70's setting and this has the best-in-show set pieces for the franchise.

16. Shazam! (2019) - It may be the newness talking but I had a great time with this film.  Its luster may dull upon rewatching but I definitely want that rewatch.DC's Ant-Man?

15. Captain America: Winter Soldier (2014) -  This is such a fantastic movie, the intrigue, the action, the personal stake, the camaraderie...but man do I hate the big final set piece.  Just loathe it so much. 

14. The Incredibles 2 (2018) - 15 years later and Brad Bird didn't miss a step.  It's so close to being an improvement on the original, and yet it's lack of superspy angle is what keeps it from surpassing it.

13. Wonder Woman (2017) - It's not a better film than some of those below it but it cruises high on the list thanks to the charms of Gal Gadot and Chris Pine.  Starpower counts for a lot.

12. The Avengers (2012) - dreams can come true. This one is just dynamite entertainment, start to finish.

11. Ant-Man (2014) - while the dream of a Edgar Wright version will only ever be that, what we did get is pretty gleefully entertaining.

10. Avengers: Endgame (2019) - I cried about 30 seconds into the opening scene and a bunch more times after that.  Terrible as a stand-alone film, but beautiful as a summation to 10-years of universe building. It really hits hard some comic book tropes that maybe aren't my favourite tropes, but the Russo Bros. and co definitely make it work.

9. Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017) - for a guy who says he doesn't like Spider-Man all that much, he's ranking pretty high on this list.  But they really do him justice here, they really sell me on a likeable teenager who has a real heroes heart.  And Michael Keaton makes the Vulture one of cinema's great villains, real menacing but likeably so.

8. Thor: Ragnarok (2017) - If you were to tell me Taika Waititi was going to make a Thor movie, I would expect something exactly like this, except that I could never have expected this.  What brilliant fun.

7. Black Panther (2018) - seeing Wakanda is like seeing another planet where everything is so much better than it is here...and that's the point.  Some want to keep it sheltered and some want to open it up to the world (to spread its benevolence but face corruption itself).  Michael B. Jordan's Killmonger is an absolute classic screen villain (and Andy Serkis' Klaue is a tremendous secondary villain)

6. Guardians of the Galaxy (2014) - This would come in third or fourth in a list of best space-faring movies right behind a few Star Wars films. It's really, really, really entertaining.

5. Spider-Man: Into the Spiderverse (2018) - frenetic, eye-popping, genre-blending animation is just the start in a film that embraces all the weirdness of comics, tossing out multidimentional theory without a care.  Lord and Miller's stamp is all over this, in it's humour and defiance of convention.  One of the genre's best offerings (and I don't even really like Spider-Man, if you hadn't heard).

4. The Incredibles (2004) - a smash up of 60's super-spies and Marvel superheroes, dosed with nostalgia but creating something indelibly modern. An absolute classic with a crackin' musical score.  The CGI animation has gotten rough around the edges in spots, but it's easily forgiven. I doubt there will ever be a Fantastic Four movie better than this.

3. The Dark Knight (2008) - it legitimately does not get much better than this.  There are small gripes to be had, but the bigger picture is so gloriously BIG.  This was the herald of what superhero movies could be.

2. Captain America: Civil War (2016) - The big showdown happens at the end of the second act and it pits half the Avengers against the other half.  Holy forking shirtballs! I never thought I'd see something like this in my life.  And that third act, the stakes being so personal make it so much bigger and better.

1. Avengers: Infinity War (2018) - My god, it's full of stars.  This is the crossover epic I never imagined would happen.  I love this film like I love Star Wars (which is a tremendous amount).  The balancing act the script and directors manage to maintain is beyond incredible, it's unreal and wows me every time.



Omissions (32 - as of May 3rd 2019):
 Hero At Large (1980), The Legend of the Lone Ranger (1981), Condorman (1981), Zorro: The Gay Blade (1981),  Greystoke: The Legend of Tarzan (1984), The Toxic Avenger (1984), Howard The Duck (1986), Dick Tracy (1990), Turbo: A Power Rangers Movie (1997), Tarzan (1999), Catwoman (2004), Son of the Mask (2005), The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl in 3-D (2005), The Legend of Zorro (2005), My Super Ex-Girlfriend (2006), Zoom (2006), Underdog (2007), Jumper (2008), Superhero Movie (2008), The Spirit (2008), Astro-boy (2009), Defendor (2009), Jonah Hex (2010), Kick Ass 2 (2013), The Lone Ranger (2013), Max Steel (2016), Split (2017), Power Rangers (2017), Glass (2019), Hellboy (2019), Fast Color (2019)


CODA:
I can already hear people complain about how low on the list Deadpool, Superman and Batman are, or complaints about Raimi's Spider-Man or the Iron Man films being low.  This all comes to personal preference.  There's no need to be offended.  If you don't like my list, you can spend the four or five hours to make your own.  I've done the heavy lifting in identifying the films and justifying their qualifications.

I also noticed that the spot between 72 and 73 is sort of the exact turning point where the "good" get separated from the "bad" in my mind.

Other interesting things... my MCU movie ranking is not the same as how things appeared in this list. I did some fudging around in this list when it comes to some placements...like Iron Man got a pretty big bump compared to where it sits on my MCU ranking. 
Thing is when judging the MCU movies against the rest, their quality really sticks out.  They take up 10 of the top 15 slots and the only film of the 23 MCU entries not in the top 50 is The Incredible Hulk.

I plan to watch some (probably not all) of the Omissions at some point, and of course there's no slow down in superhero projects coming out, and I may just rewatch more than a few films within the list which will all likely result in some ranking shifting, so stay tuned for updates.