Sunday, December 22, 2019

T&K's Xmas Advent Calendar: Day 22

Dear Santa, 2011, Jason Priestly (Fallen Hearts) -- Netflix

P.S. Kent, I missed the opening scene with glitter spurting Santa. I think it was intentional that I looked down, seeking to avoid it.

*ahem*

Crystal Carruthers (Amy Acker, Dollhouse) is a socialite, a ditzy non-blonde who hasn't worked a day in her life and lives off her parents money. While standing in front of the Perfect Red Dress (Red Dress!!) pondering how good it would look on her, an errant (magical?) wind blows a bunch of letters out of Mr Postman's hands, with one ending up in hers. Mr Postman doesn't seem to care he just lost a bunch of letters, and she barely tries to tell him. And of course, her first thought is to open it. Uhhh, isn't that a Federal Offense? Anywayz, the letter is the perfect Selfless Little Girl letter where she asks for a new mommy, for her daddy. Mom has been dead (take a shot) for a few years and Daddy is just sad. Oh Santa, can't you help?

Now, Crystal has been threatened by Mumsy & Daddy with being cut-off if she doesn't find a job or a man. Wow. Talk about anti-feminist. She can replace earning a living by living off another person? How is that much removed from what she is doing now? Anywayz, she gets the (horrible) idea of hooking up with Sad Dad (David Haydn-Jones, Supernatural). Seriously, this is a horrible premise.

Somehow she tracks down where Sad Dad and Selfless Little Girl live, even though there is no return address on the letter. Apparently reverse-lookup is That Good these days. But find them she does, a blue collar dad and a lovely little girl. She stalks them for a bit and ends up at the Soup Kitchen where he works. She caught sneaking in the back door, so immediately pretends to be a volunteer. The thing is, she doesn't immediately cringe from interacting with the homeless. She might be a Little Rich Girl and fish out of water, but she doesn't seem to mind so much. And thus begins her Quest to Become New Mom.

So, this movie is shot in Calgary. Pro? Real snow. This is real winter. Con? Its not NYC and I am pretty sure, they don't even bother saying what city they are supposed to be in. C'mon, not even the license plates pretend to be that NYC, and considering she is supposed to be a trust fund style party girl, she wouldn't actually own an SUV. So, I began to pretend that this was in a Mystical Canada where the major Canadian cities are the size of all American cities of fiction.

Crystal begins working at the soup kitchen on a regular basis, gets a new Gay BFF, Pete (Patrick Creery, Canadian TV) and actually makes friends with the homeless folks attending the place. Crystal also meets Selfless Little Girl, Olivia (Emma Duke) and Sad Dad's GF, Jillian. Jillian is a Dick Girlfriend, only interested in Sad Dad because she didn't get him in college, cuz Angel Dead Mom swept in and stole him away. But Dead Mom means Sad Dad is ripe for the picking. Ick. We all hate Jillian, and Crystal sizes her up almost immediately and Jillian sees a definite rival in Crystal.

Amy is playing Crystal in pretty much the way she initially played Fred in Angel, all cutesy and doe-eyed. The little girl voice is not exactly endearing, but Amy sure is. And her character is actually likeable despite this weird purpose to the whole charade, which is not really a charade once she puts her heart into it. Yeah, I bought in. Crystal is nice, nice to Sad Dad, nice and really, truly friends with Selfless Little Girl and actually caring about the homeless who attend the shelter. She actually knows their names.

Now, Sad Dad is thinking about Doing the Right Thing and marrying Jillian so that Olivia can have a new mom. He doesn't catch on that Olivia doesn't like Jillian, and maybe that doesn't matter. He also is ignoring his growing feelings for Crystal, and doesn't catch onto the fact that she and his daughter are actually becoming close. But Jillian cannot have any of that, which ends up leading for a pancake batter fight (maybe waffles?) and the discovery of the letter in Crystal's purse. Why is she carrying it around? Who knows...

There is a great montage scene where Crystal and Olivia bond over buying the girl new clothes, while Sad Dad looks on like all Dads & Hubbies relegated to sitting idly by as their women shop. The music chosen here just really shows how little a budget has; its the level of YouTube royalty free music for unboxing of fishing home security systems. But I suppose I should have caught the low budget nature with the opening credits, where they use a bright green Crayon font, a font choice that makes Comic Sans look stylish.

Edit: Ohhhhhhh, its supposed to be the font a child would use when writing a letter to Santa. D'oh.

So, letter found, and Sad Dad crushed. Yes, he now knows Crystal is stalking him. He doesn't ask why, and really, could there be a good answer? "I was looking for a quick hubbie to satisfy my Mumsy, so she would continue to pay all my bills." And Crystal knows this, as she sort of just collapses in on herself, eyes overly full with tears. This was no one's fault but her own. But really, it was all Dick GF's fault.

On a side note, Sad Dad runs the above soup kitchen but she's not doing so well. The bank is foreclosing and locking the doors on Xmas Day. Evil bank!! I just assumed Crystal would dip into whatever massive fund she draws on to pay off everything, or maybe even just buy the building he is renting. But no, its a lot less dramatic and simply spelled out. Mumsy sends Crystal one last allowance check which matches the amount Sad Dad owes, and they are able to open again on Xmas Day. Also, Crystal finds absolutely devastated Olivia, when she runs away from Sadder Dad, and sees that Crystal has been doing all of this not from an original agenda, but from her real heart. Sad Dad forgives Crystal and they kiss. Sad Dad no more!

So, back at the shelter, re-opened and welcoming in the Ever Elusive Homeless Man, everyone has their Xmas Dinner and they live happy ever after.

The Draw: Amy Acker! And also I am kind of a fan of the re-imagined Jason Priestly, having seen a number of his directed genre TV episodes.

The Formulae: Dead Mom is the primary element. I will not commit to calling this NYC, so who knows where this is set, because it ain't no New Yawk I know. There is a Dick Significant Other, though I believe this might be the first one where its a woman, that I have seen. I imagine there has to be more than one of these that uses the idea of a little girl who needs a new mom, as all the Dead Moms cannot be sans-kids.

Unformulae: So, to get this off my chest, the Red Dress may be there, but it doesn't serve the Honourable Purpose that all Red Dresses are supposed to serve. Still, it was a kind of sexy Red Dress. There was no Xmas Event, not even an Xmas Fair. There is no tension to kick off their meeting, unless you count deception as tension. And, as Kent points out, Gay Best Friends are not that common, in fact Gay Anyone is not a thing in Hallmarkland. Shame on them; I bet there could be a BIG market for sappy formulaic gay romance movies.

True Calling? Yes there is a letter, and it is addressed to Santa. But no Santa plays out.

The Rewind: Nothing was quite remarkable enough for me to seek a rewind, but those Mumsy in Front of Greenscreen Vacations were worth a chuckle each and every time. I honestly don't think Mumsy was on vacation at all, just hiding out in her own house and not really wanting Crystal impinging upon her Mumsy Time.

The Regulars: I didn't recognize any, but cheating and just reading Kent's bit: Sad Dad, from Saskatchewan, has been in a few. And Crystal's BFF, who had a more minor role than usual for BFFs, is in one from ... 2005, The Christmas Blessing, which (OMG) stars Neil Patrick Harris (pre-gay?) which is apparently the sequel (a proper sequel?!?!) to The Christmas Shoes. I might have to dig that one up. And finally, Dick GF, Gina Holden has been in a bunch.

How does it Hallmark? So, more heart warming than most make it More Hallmark or Less Hallmark? It didn't follow the usual formula, so not so much, I guess.

How does it movie? No, not really. Nope.

(Bonus) How does it snow? Real Canadian winter snow!! Calgary snow!!  Actual snow banks, slush and snow plows (A++)

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