T&K's Xmas Advent Calendar: Day 14

Christmas Inheritance, 2017, Ernie Barbarash (A Royal Winter) -- Netflix

Falling behind on these, both in the viewing and in the writing. I could blame Life, but really, it's just me. And Santa, definitely Santa's fault.

We open on a drone/chopper shot of NYC. This is how you do NYC fly-ins; I am talking to you, A Christmas Love Story !! We slide in over what must have been some re-purposed New Year's shots, decorated Times Square and skating at Rockefeller Center. And then we fly into the building holding an Xmas Event (take a shot), while the host of said event wanders around looking perturbed, "Where is she? Where is YOUR FIANCE?" Dick Fiance establishes himself as such in under 30 seconds, a record time in my books. And then we slide into an adjacent room where sought Fiance is doing cartwheels in her red dress (take a shot) flashing ... her red underwear ?!?! Waitasec here Mr. Hallmark, how are we allowed to see the female lead in her undies, even if said undies were incredible demure?!? This is NOT your Gramma's Hallmark, to steal a line (paraphrase) from Kent.

Cart Wheeling Party Girl is Ellen Langford (Eliza Taylor, The 100), heiress to the great Langford Greeting Card fortune !! But nobody takes her serious as she's almost 30 and is only known for partying. Dad, CEO of said company, has been spoiling her since Mom died (take a shot) and comes up with a wonderful plan. Instead of him going to the PST Snow Falls, where he was raised and where he and his partner came up with the idea for their Greeting Card Company (seriously dudes, the idea was not original), like he does every year to hand-deliver a hand-written letter, he is going to send his daughter incognito (cuz she's never been there?). She will deliver said letter, while not telling anyone who she is and surviving off ONLY the $100 he gives her. Apparently that's the Cherished Tradition. But seriously folks, if he's been doing it every year since the 80s, everyone in HIS OWN HOME TOWN would know him and would just pay for everything. So, yeah not so much of a secret tradition. I bethinks the entire town is in on it.

Alas Ellen has to catch the bus (which is a relatively short ride from NYC) to a town with one taxi, no Uber (and no Lyft), no cell reception, one cop and one hotel/B&B. Part of me wonders whether this town has been crippled for Dad's Amusement, because no town one bus-ride from NYC could be this cut off from the rest of the world. But no worries, Ellen gets herself to town, only destroys one suit-case and settles herself into the Inn that happens to be run by the same guy who destroyed her suit-case with his taxi, yeah that one taxi. He is the Romantic Lead (Jake Lacy, The Office), but on first glance, I was worried I had blundered into another traditional holiday movie where his haircut cautioned the viewer that she would end up hiding from him and his Big Knife.

Ellen wants to hand off the letter and get back to NYC so her and Dick Fiance can head off to Maui. But Zeke, Dad's partner, is nowhere to be found. And she cannot just leave it for him. So, one day extends into more days and that $100 is gone. So, she needs money and ends up helping out Psycho Innkeeper (OK, I cannot call him that anymore, because he is the Nice Guy) and his Nice Aunt.

The establishment of a rapport between the two leads happens on the night of The Big Storm when One Cop shows up at the Inn with a bunch of people from the side of town that just lost power. Apparently the storm is going to be so bad and so cold, that they cannot leave these people in their homes. So, he and the Innkeeper bring them here to be jammed in beside the neighbourly guests of the Inn. Oh its cold outside? Ellen runs off and grabs the PST's single homeless guy to bunk down with the rest. That has broken the ice between the two and they talk about the coming Xmas Event, a silent auction where they raise money for someone, which Innkeeper has not yet had the time to find to secure actual items people would big on. Ellen suggests he auction his Hidden Artwork. Said artwork is terrible, so amateurish, he might get some pity bids. Might.

"Can I show you something?" asks Innkeeper (as he pulls out his Big Knife?). Sure, let's go out into the Big Storm with the Big Cold to see whatever there is to see. Again, is the entire town in on manipulating her, as there is NO STORM AT ALL and it's mild enough to be out walking at a pace once needn't worry. And what he wanted her to see were the ice sculptures that.... no, he didn't do them, local students create from his (terrible) sketches. All these heartfelt moments, confessions of why he hates NYC (and NYC women) and her inability to get over Dead Mom's death lead to an Almost Kiss, interrupted by remembering she is Engaged. I knew those red panties meant Ellen's heart wasn't pure !!

Despite the tension, Ellen decides to help out Innkeeper by fulfilling all his Silent Auction needs. get your mind out of the gutter; you know what I mean. She putters around all over town securing high ends donations, including harassing of the local computer store guy into giving her an iMac. Suddenly she knows the Real Meaning of Charity, so he should as well ! Grateful Innkeeper gives her a big lusty hug of thanks just when Dick Fiance shows up. TENSION! (take a shot?)

Dick Fiance convinces Ellen she needs to head out ASAP, and not wait for Zeke to show up. But man, he he hates this PST with it's POS cell reception, so he ends up at the local watering hole (probably the only one) for an iced martini (who DOES that?!?!?!) and blurts out to mopey Innkeeper who she really is. Now Innkeeper is not only mopey but pissed, as another NYC Girl has broken his heart AND lied to him.

With all this tension in the air, she decides Dick Fiance (let's call him Fick, as I keep on typo-ing) is right and she just needs to leave. Maui calls. On the way back to NYC she discovers the one letter she was supposed to actually deliver, if not by hand then by some manner, is not in the box. "We have to go back !!" she cries. Fick has had enough and puts his foot down in a way only Ficks can do. He's not having anymore of this stupid, endearing adhering to tradition. And that's it, the straw-camel moment for Ellen. She dumps the ring, dumps Fick and hops back into the bus back to Snow Falls and Innkeeper and his Silent Auction.

At said Auction, which is going well, she confesses all to Innkeeper and he forgives her and Zeke appears as not-so-magic-or-real Santa, who also confesses this was all engineered to keep her in Snow Falls and learn the Real Magic of Christmas. Also, Dad's suddenly there, and he confesses he did this to make her the Perfect CEO. Ahh shucks, thanks Daddy !! And they live happily ever after.


The Draw: I needed another one in a PST, and I liked Eliza Taylor from The 100 so the draw was there.

The Formulae: Now that I have established that NYC city fly overs are a thing in these movies, even the ones not SET in NYC, we have that. And we have a PST. And we have a Red Dress at an Xmas Event -- plus a bonus pair of red panties!! There is a brief moment of Xmas Fair, but really its just the carolers at the bus station. And we have a real Xmas Event that the the mains have to work towards. And there is a Dead Mom. Also, Male Lead has a recent Breakup that has caused him to dislike Xmas, well really, just dislike a particularly saccharine version of Silent Night.

Unformulae: Well, I have to get this out. Including the red panties, and the number of times they pointed the camera down Eliza Taylor's ample cleavage, I have to wonder who this movie was directed at... other than her. These movies are so often so very very chaste! We would have never seen Lacey Chabert leaning over constantly, to pickup something from the floor!!

True Calling? She's not really inheriting anything. The Greeting Card Company was not her mom's but her dad's, and he is just really manipulating her into becoming the Beloved CEO, after he retires. So no, not really.

The Rewind: Umm... red panties?  *blush* But no, as the Peanut Gallery pointed out, its not even Eliza Taylor cartwheeling.

The Regulars: The Leads? Nope, none of the recognizable faces do these Hallmarky movies at all. Neil Crone (CEO Dad) has been a few.

How does it Hallmark? Yeah, this one hits all the (Hall) marks. Its charming and funny and touching exactly as it needs to be.

How does it movie? I am not sure if I am ever going to give one of these a positive mark for being a Good Real Movie. They are all pretty bad, from a critical point of view, but nothing about this was INCREDIBLY terrible, despite Insert Storm, so I rather enjoyed it.

(Bonus) How does it snow? Decently, if it is still obvious they were using fake snow. But rather than the flaky soap flakes type or the cobwebby version, they looked like they used some sort of oil based spray snow, that clung to things in a real manner, but never actually melted. They even put icey balls of snow in her hair, after she came back from rescuing Only Homeless Guy (B+)