2026, Travis Knight (Bumblebee) -- Amazon
Kent.
I was 14 when the toys came out, and not long after, the cartoon. This would have likely been the tail end when even me as uber-nerd could respectfully "play with toys". I don't recall clearly whether my younger brother started getting them, but I do recall very clearly being very turned off by the cartoon. It was clearly for kids, and clearly, to my egotistical teen mind, dumb. The muscles, the stupid toy names, the terrible Superman-Clark Kent comparison. This is all to say that the show and the toys are not "part of my childhood" and cannot be ruined like the toxic man-children say anytime someone does something interesting with their favourite properties. Nor can I be disappointed by the none-too-gentle mockery that abounds in the movie.
Unlike Kent, who found it fine-alright, I loved this movie! OK, maybe loved was a bit too strong; more like "was fully entertained". Loved is reserved for movies I know I will watch over and over, enjoying what I am watching, thoroughly. Superman is a recent example of "love" -- rewatched it yesterday while dealing with a sinus infection.
You do realize "yesterday" is subjective, as you are unlikely to press "Publish" the day after watching the movie aforementioned?
The movie opens with Adam (Nicholas Galitzine, The Sheep Detectives) and the background exposition. Eternia is the place of legend, a place of magic and wonder and beauty, spaceships and robots and a mythical creatures. His father Randor is the King (James Purefoy, Saint-Pierre), his mother Marlena is the Queen (Charlotte Riley, Edge of Tomorrow). Adam is a meek, mild mannered little (and we mean small) kid and is more interested in goofing around during combat training, with Duncan the man-at-arms, than becoming the brave & powerful soldier figure his father wants.
And then Skeletor (Jared Leto, Morbius) and his army of freaks & monsters invades. So much for Eternia being a powerful nation-planet protected by Duncan's well-trained defenders; they fall almost instantly. Even Duncan (Idris Elba, The Wire) himself is defeated by the evil cyborg Trapjaw (not sure how he talks with that mouth, but sure) and King Randor is captured, while Queen Marlena & Adam escape to Castle Greyskull. Marlena has a plan to save her son, by sending him and the Sword of Power to her home planet -- Earth. She is aided by the sorceress .... er, The Sorceress.
This is where again the not-familiar-with-the-toys brain of mine kept wondering, "Wait, Castle Greyskull belongs to the Good Guys??" Yes, I know there are Reasons (!!!) but, still... at the very least, make some Skeletor familial connection to it. Maybe Randor and his people were colonists and that is all that remains of Skeletor's human-skull based culture?
And this opening tale turns out to be Adam drawling on & on to a (first) date about what he states is the utter truth. Seriously, this guy should be on a boat load of meds and look the part of a D&D Nerd, but instead he does his best Clark Kent impersonation and everyone falls for it, i.e. we can easily see the muscle-bound warrior under his dress shirt and chinos. Adam works in HR, and is admittedly good at it, but he constantly pisses his boss and coworkers off by being uber-focused on finding the Sword of Power. When he is not at work Googling said "sword of power", he is at home drawing and sketching like a DM working on his campaign. Seriously, the only reason I can think the movie doesn't constantly drop D&D references is to not dilute the IP.
TBH I would hate his game as I was always a Fantasy Purist not liking the idea of mixing fantasy & scifi. Keep your peanut butter out of my chocolate please.
Then he gets a tip. He abandons his job, like literally walks out on a meeting with his boss effectively getting fired, and goes to a cool looking nerd shop. You would think that would be the first place he would look for a sword, but maybe Adam's nerd cred is low. He finds the sword as part of a Torak the Barbarian (Conan knockoff that was He-Man originator's early design ideas for this IP) display statue, and without any thought to consequences, he starts to yank & pull at the sword. Seriously, Adam is more than a little unhinged, but I guess he just imagines that as soon as the sword is in his hand, he will be magically transported back to Eternia where his father will have already defeated Skeletor and everything will be hunkey dorey. Except he doesn't know the "magic words" and ends up running off with the sword.
Adam gets arrested. Not sure how the cops knew who he was but, sure, they pick him up. Does the roommate turn him in? The "witty banter" between the cops and Adam, who is still spouting on about being from another planet, is interrupted by the arrival of Beast Man, a big hairy monster that looks & moves like an ape had a dalliance with an orc. But that's OK because Adam's best friend from childhood, and daughter of Duncan the Man-at-Arms (or Manat, as some I know called him) Teela (Camila Mendes, Riverdale) shows up. Teela is all grown up and Adam notices... notices. She's also much more capable than he is, and she notices that. Just before big green & hairy can catch them, they jump into her spaceship and hyperdrive back to Eternia.
Eternia. The place ain't what Adam has been doodling in his sketchbook. I guess he forgot he escaped the place during an invasion? Or maybe, despite the harried escape he made, he expected his father and Duncan to have fought off Skeletor and his army? No matter, the world he remembers fondly is in ruins. Teela flies them to the "resistance hideout" in the beautiful natural caves below Eternia, far from the now Mordor-esque ruins of his homeland.
And they are promptly tossed into jail cells by the resistance.
You see, Teela was supposed to be on patrol, you know, doing resistance things, but as soon as the Sword of Power did ... something... sent a signal or whatnot, she made her way to the signal's origin to rescue it and/or Adam, before Skeletor could attain it. But that did not put her into the good books of the resistance leaders, including Mekaneck, Ram Man and Fisto (!!!). And, as it turns out, these are not their actual names, but the monikers placed upon them by 10 year old Adam. Fisto in particular is not thrilled by his ... name. And everyone is in on the inuendo. So, yeah, jail cell with a big Maid Robot and a stinky old man who is... yep, Duncan the Man-at-Arms, who has never recovered from his defeat and the fall of the Kingdom. He's a defeatist drunk, nothing but a failure in the eyes of his daughter.
This is not the MOTU movie meant for those upset about "their childhoods being ruined".
But that's alright cuz Maid Bot is actually Roboto the Combat Droid who just needs some gentle ego stroking and a combat unlock key, and she is back in the fight, barreling through walls with the heroes in tow. Which is good, because Trap Jaw has tracked them to the resistance's literal underground and the place is invaded. Adam at first tries to use his Powers of HR Mediation, but ... yeah, well. So, The Sorceress ("that bird was The Sorceress, I swear!") reminds Adam of his high-reverb incantation and with a good "I Have the Power!!!" (three exclamations required) his clothes are blown off and replaced with the Space Conan outfit. He whups Trap Jaw goodly and they all make their escape.
It is at this point that I find the recap-ing exhausting. Its at this point that I wonder if there was actually a plot going on. It is at this point where I remember I am terrible at writing about movies I enjoyed, especially when they didn't have a lot of ... depth.
I guess its because I didn't come into this movie caring about plot, I was just looking for some fun comic-booky cartoony action and effects and jokey banter. It really is just a bunch of said-satisfying scenes all strung together.
Skeletor. As a villain, he is great. As a character, he is great. As a "real person" he makes no sense. What even is he? Is there any biology in there among the boney skull head? No matter, Jared Leto embodies all the lunacy of this role. He cackles, he wise-cracks, he's menacing, he's creepy and he's fucking unhinged. Skeletor, that is, not Leto. Though....
Now, where were we? The above was written months ago. Life derailed, like Big Time, like Life Changed Forever derailed. And then "31 Days of Halloween" came along and... so, do I rewatch this movie, or finish it from faint recollections? Considering "faint recollections" used to be an actual motif of this blog, as typified by "I Saw This(!!)", I should just persevere onward.
So, yeah, where was I ? Adam did his chant, kicked Trap Jaw's ass (and jaw) and they all escaped.
So, yeah the mains escaped, but that meant all the other resistance members were captured by Skeletor's forces. And to remind us that Skeleton is Evil with a capital E (but is he, really?) he murders ... Moss Man (?) in front of the others with the "cool" names. Meanwhile, while escaping, we get the chase sequence through a magnificent forest environment, and they toss in some of the iconic toys, which I only know of because other MOTU fans went on and on and on about it. Sky Sled? OK, sure, whatever. The circling blades flying motorcycle was cool, if a little impractical.
This is when Skeletor tells everyone, via his Floaty Head in the Sky broadcast system that Adam's parents are still alive, and if the boy wants them back, he must give Skeletor the sword. In response, the Gang attacks Skeletor's castle (not Greyskull) of Snake Mountain. Wait, snakes? How are snakes connected to Skeletor and his monster army? Is he this universe's leader of Cobra? Anywayz, attack is a failure, Daddy King Randor dies in a ceiling collapse and Adam reverts back to HR Guy after being defeated. Back into a jail cell -- these guys spend a lot of time behind bars. Meanwhile Skeletor is not having any luck with "the Power of Grayskull" (spelling correction now in place) and is being a dick-BF to Evil-Lyn (Alison Brie, Community). She suggests a magic ritual back at Grayskull, while all the jailed Gang once again escape from jail -- Cringer the scaredy green-purple tiger cat joins them.
The attack on Grayskull !
Adam does indeed succeed in getting back the sword, buuuuut Skeletor destroys it !!! And then he stabs Adam with the broken sword, sending him into a dying-visionquest-thing where Skeletor plays the part of Lumbergh asking for his TPS Report. This is one of the best most chuckle-worthy scenes in the movie, probably meant to piss off the Old Skool fanbase, especially with the off-colour comment about Adam's long sword dangling between his thighs. But no worries, HR Adam escapes the dream, pulls out the sword and discovers The Power of Grayskull was inside him all along. The sword reforms, Adam transforms again and the two duke it out, ending in Adam cracking Skeletor's ram-skull staff, killing the monster, or at the very least, reducing him back to just a perfectly formed skull.
Six months later, they have returned Eternia from its Mordor state, and all have a good laugh, standing in a circle, leaning back and guffawing.
Yah, months later, it does not stick. Its definitely a classic popcorn flick, in my repeated idiom of "one burp, and its gone" but I stand by my original statement, that I had a lot of fun watching it. But... enough to rewatch it? Nothing compels me to do so right now, which is odd, considering how many terrible movies I have chosen to do so with. What is up with that? I wonder if there are enough of these "only seen once" flicks that I could turn into a rewatch mini-series? I guess I would have to confine it to those I claimed to enjoy, as opposed to just feeling "meh" about. Hmm...
And off he wanders into the void to ponder yet another "stupid boy project".
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