A Toast to Hallmarkent
2025, d. Amy Force - Hallmark/W
This year, Hallmark has cut their output in half, only 24 films, and so have their competitors (I think with the commander-in-cheeze's tariffs impacting productions made in Canada, there was a lot less budget to go around... along with Hallmark's investment in competition shows and weekly series' this year), which means a lot less room for the "traditional" bad holiday romance.
Still, you could tell from the preview for Melt My Heart This Christmas, it was going to be oh.so.awful. I had to watch.
HERstory: [I missed the first 8 minutes of this so we join this story in progress] Holly is a glassblower who is displaying her wares under the pseudonym "Verre" [French for "glass" but I thought they were saying "Vert" for the longest time, meaning "Green"] at Jack's family Christmas market and is hoping to garner enough attention to get a glass-blowing fellowship at a prestigious institute. Jack's feature artist is Bianca Bonhomme [French for Goodman] a veteran glassblower who has her head so far up her own ass she can count her teeth from the inside. Bianca's staff quits on her because she's a total B [and I don't mean "B"anca "B"onhomme] and she threatens to pull out of the the market. Jack is in line to take over the family business and so he needs everything to go right, so he pairs Holly up with Bianca. Not only is Holly a huge fan, but Bianca is her glass-blowing idol. Never meet your heroes, folks.
Bianca has switched out her traditional colourful style this year for a clear aesthetic because she knows roving the market is Walter Gregson...a media personality? Tastemaker? Bon vivant? ... a guy of some importance who has a camera crew following him around who, 3 decades earlier, tore her work apart and, despite her success, the sting has never left her. Jack tells her Walter Gregson wants an interview, and she turns total Diva and says she cannot because she's not wearing the right attire. She give Holly the keys to her studio to retrieve her "blue jacket" (of which she has a dozen) and there are some weak shenanigans. She dodges the interview.
Bianca's new style, while technically remarkable (according to Holly) bears none of her signature style, and the reaction from the masses is not just apathy but stone cold avoidance. Bianca is having a bad time. Meanwhile, "Verre" is selling out every day, and becoming the talk of the market. "Who is Verre", they ask? Bianca gets jealous at someone out-buzzing her.
Holly and Jack accidentally break one of Bianca's vases, and Holly and Jack go to Bianca's studio that night and Holly manages to perfectly replicate the piece. I mean, if I bought a genuine Bianca Bonhomme piece direct from Bianca Bonhomme only to learn that it was a forgery, I would be pissed...that's assuming that blown glass has that big a collector's market. Was the glass blowing sequence all hot and steamy? Did Holly and Jack get closer through the power of montage? Not in the slightest. It kind of skipped past both the "how it is made" and "romance" angles of the montage.
Jack's dad tells him that it's a precarious time in the seasonal crafters market game, and that "the board" are pressuring him to sell the business if this year doesn't go well. A lot of weight is put on keeping Walter Gregson happy. Bianca and Holly have a bit of a heart to heart discussing Bianca's trauma at Walter Gregson's terrible review 30 years ago, and Holly boosts her into presenting the personal work she's been reticent to put on display.
Bianca figures out that Verre is Holly at the same time Walter Gregson figures out that Verre is Bianca's assistant at the same time Jack learns that Holly is Verre [since I missed the first 8 minutes, I didn't realize that part of the set-up was that Holly had been rejected from the market previously so she submitted under a pseudonym]. Bianca, Jack, and Walter Gregson all collide to confront Holly, with Bianca feeling that her new assistant was just undermining her the whole time, and Bianca swears to keep her out of that fellowship Holly wants since she's on the board. Jack is hurt that this girl he's been flirting with lied to him, and then his dad finds out that Jack riskily admitted an anonymous vendor, and now he's absolutely going to sell the company. Walter Gregson has a shit eating grin having captured the whole blow up on video. They're all ruined.
Holly goes to Bianca to have another heart-to-heart, and Bianca finally poops out her own head and becomes a real person. She understands the hustle Holly has been going through, and Holly has ideas on how to not just win the day for herself, but for Bianca as well. It involves using social media. Bianca takes Holly under her wing and shows her some new tricks.
The next day, Holly and Bianca go on social media and show support for each other, instead of tearing each other down. Walter Gregson happens upon the scene and decides to get in on it, heaping praise on them both and awarding the market his pick of the season [for whatever that's worth...I really don't understand Walter Gregson's whole deal]. Jack's dad sees the reception on social media and tells Jack he's not selling anymore and that Jack's now in charge because he's the best. Jack and Holly reunited and have a kiss or something.
The Formulae:The most subtle Hallmarkie trope is that these treat their middle-aged protagonists like they're still 25 years old fresh out of college with no real experience in life or in really dealing honestly with people. So that's here.
Christmas market...check.
Family business at stake..check check.
There's also the late stage complication between the romantic leads, in this case that Holly managed to sneak one past Jack in getting admitted to the fair. It's very contrived (but aren't they all?).
Also, generic romcom trope of Holly being clumsy (especially in heels)... it's endearing!...right?
Unformulae: The ways the current era of Hallmark movies break out of formulae are numerous (is a single hot drink of the cider or cocoa variety drank in this movie?) but the biggest unformulae is that the "romance" part of this holiday romance is pretty much an afterthought. Rather than being the centerpiece, the core of this film is the shades-of-The-Devil-Wears-Prada type relationship between Holly and Bianca, and the whole Holly-and-Jack think is so much of an afterthought, especially their reconciliation at the film's end where it's like "oh, Jack, you're here too? Well I guess we have to kiss then."
There's also so, so very little Christmas in this film. If not for the trees in the background and the market as a reminder, there's nothing relating to the holiday at all as impetus in the characters' lives... but that mercifully also means no "Christmas deadline" like these films so often have. If I had to guess, this story takes place the first weekend of December, which is unusual.
True Calling? Gods, no. I mean the poster of Holly and Jack, but, again, the romance is DOA on this one and not the center of the film. The better title would be a play on The Devil Wears Prada...like The Scrooge Wears Prada or something (but even that would be inaccurate, because Bianca isn't a scrooge, just a B... Don't Trust the B in Christmas Market Stall 23.
The Rewind: At one point a couple walks past the glass doors into the studio where Bianca's works are on display, and Holly in a very bright red sweater is standing right there, the couple press their face up to the glass and look in and promptly decide not to enter. It the sort of awkwardness I feel every time I walk down artists alley at comic con and I accidentally look a lonely vendor at their unattended booth in the face. It's a potent reminder that creating art is, like, 90% rejection.
The Regulars: Laura Vandervoort will always be foremost in my mind as Supergirl on Smallville but she's been a Hallmark regular for some time and was an early adopter in the Xmas romance genre. If Stephen Huszar acts in anything other than Hallmark productions, I wouldn't know it. He's a tried-and-true Hallmark hunk. Jennifer Wigmore seems like she should be a regular playing mom roles in Hallmark films, because she's a good actor, but her past credits include only three non-Hallmark Hallmarkies. Madeline Leon, who plays Holly's best friend Collette, has starred in many of the low-budg off-brand Canadian Hallmarkies. She has the look and plucky demeanour of off-brand holiday romance lead for sure. And finally Walter Gregson portrayer Darrin Baker has been in and out of Hallmarkies for years.
How does it Hallmark? It's bad!
Where it could have improved, and dared for something different: It seems like Holly and her best friend Collette live together. It would have been far more interesting if Holly and Colette were actually a couple, but in an open relationship. So Holly, let's make her bisexual, meets Jack and just wants casual fling times, which Collette is perfectly okay with. And then Holly has this love-hate relationship with her idol/mentor Bianca (at the point in the film where Holly reconciles with Bianca, it has that moment where it damn well looks like they're about to kiss... and they should have!). It would be hilarious to explore the messy complexity of open relationships in a Hallmark fashion, and it would be even more interesting to explore the uncomfortable power dynamics if Bianca and Holly did hook up... who's zooming who?!?
How does it movie? It's real bad!
Not even fun bad, just kind of a confusing bummer of a movie bad.
It would be delicious to take my above proposal and turn it into a Splitsville-esque farce. If only I still had any creative energy left in me at all.
How Does It Snow? There was actual goddamn snow! And it was cold, you could see people's breath. And they actually were wearing functional winter gear functionally. It's really the standout part of this movie (which tells you about the quality of the film).
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