3 Short Paragraphs: The New Mutants

 2020, Josh Boone (The Fault in Our Stars) -- download

The X-Men movies have never been great movies. Of course, at the beginning, they were examples of Good Superhero movies, when pretty much everything else was dross. But then the MCU came along as raised the bar on what could be, leaving them a little... lacking. We also know that you can do a stand-alone X-Men universe movie, with Logan, and have it stand out, stand above the rest, and truly be good. I had hoped that was what Boone was going for with this movie, especially the early hints (and first trailer) that he was going for a horror movie but with the familiar Claremont characters. Alas studio meddling got in the way of that, and we ended up with a movie that was, at best, the pilot episode of a middling CW series.

Dani Moonstar's reservation is attacked by something, killing everyone in sight, and she awakens in a hospital, in restraints. Instantly we see this is no normal hospital, as she and a few other teens are the only patients and the only staff member is Dr. Reyes. I am not even sure why they tried the fake-out on her, as its almost immediately dispensed with, as Reyes reveals that all the kids are mutants who have been involved in some fatal event or another. Reyes is treating them for trauma and providing them control techniques, but that doesn't stop something else from going on, some sort of haunting in the building. And of course, Reyes has her own agenda, something malicious behind the scenes.

The problem is, while it used some of the tropes from a horror movie, it never really is one. Its even more watered down than a PG rated TV show. Mostly it ends up being about the tension between the kids, and desperately tries to invoke some unity from them via the horror elements. But I never bought it. There are never any real stakes in the conflict, and to be honest, not even a lot of cheesy fun either -- sure Anya Taylor-Joy hams it up as an asshole version of Ilyana Rasputin, but the rest is just so.... bland. 

Also, why the fuck is Rahne's alter ego, The Littlest Hobo ?