Tuesday, January 31, 2012

3 Short Paragraphs: Transformers: Dark of the Moon

2011, Michael Bay-splosion -- download

Really?  It wasn't called Dark Side of the Moon ?  Go figger. Pink Floyd must be happy.

OK, disclaimers.  First, yeah, one line is the bonus paragraph. Second, I don't really care for Transformers, not the toys nor the cartoons nor the comics.  Third, I hated the first movie but the second one amused me. I don't really have any reason for not liking the franchise, it just never appealed to me, but might stem from the snobby kid I was, who decided that if all my friends liked Transformers, I would like Micronauts instead. Now, if Bay-splosion did a Micronauts movie, I would be all squeeee and debating who would be the best voice actor for Acroyear.

So, the main reason I hated the first one was two-fold: first, Shia LeBoeuf's character annoyed the living frick out of me.  Whine whine, yell yell. I get he was supposed to be the nerd but he would have been the nerd the other nerds avoid because he would just embarrass them.  Second, considering the destructive power of the autobots and decepticons, they did a glorious job of not hurting anyone.  It is not that I get glee from body counts but it does add weight, no pun intended, to a movie about giant destructive robots who want to hurt people.  This movie?  Body count galore.  Finally, the decepticons start shooting people left, right and center. In an effect that smacked of the Tom Cruise War of the Worlds, the blasts hit a running person and *poof* dust and bones.  The destruction of Chicago at the hands of the evil robots is stirring in its statement of how the deceptive source word of the decepticons is not just a cute name.  Still, once again humans need to be picked up and shaken by Optimus Prime, with a, "Don't you get it?!?!  They are LYING !!!  They will BETRAY you !!"

I caught a snippet of this the other day in a Futureshop, on a giant hi-def screen.  One thing can be said for Bay-splosion -- his movies are meant to be seen on the big screen.  It looked incredible, the special effects fitting seamlessly into the human element. Despite his reuse of The Island effects, the man does know how to build a CGI battle.  The collapse of the building onto another is a great scene especially with the wiggly worm robot chewing up the scenery, literally.  But, and there is always a but, once again we sunk back into the Shia-annoyance factor. He was back in his prime irritation mode in this one, which begs a question -- how the fuck does he hook up with a supermodel, at least one who didn't see him save the world a couple of times?  She might know that but if all he does is whine and can't keep down a job, why would she like him? Mary Sue that Shia's character is, he cannot do anything but get wrapped up in every world saving event or get the real doll.