2025, Julius Onah (The Cloverfield Paradox) -- download
Like Kent, I have a lot invested in my MCU watching. I have slowly been rewatching the ones that most would consider a dud -- still really like Shang-chi and despites its various flaws, I am still rather a gleeful fan of The Marvels. Still "meh" about The Eternals and still in dislike with Thor: Love & Thunder -- still not able to get entirely through a rewatch. But really, does every current MCU post I write now have to start with the lamentations of ages past? And if any movie leans me squarely into the "an era is dead", it is this one. Even if there wasn't anything particular about it I disliked, it was not much above the crappy action-ers that I constantly watch and repeatedly state "they were OK".
From here foreward, spoilers abound, if that matters so long after the movie released.
Marmy had no interest in watching this one, and this is probably her first skipped MCU movie, and its primarily because of the "rah rah American President" aspect of it. A previously thoroughly dislikeable character, General "Thunderbolt" Ross (is that why the Thunderbolts movie has the asterisk?) has shaved off his moustache, exchanged his body for Harrison Ford and been elected the President of the United (???) States of America. Despite it not really mattering to their continuity, I would love if someone created a post that showed the state of America in the MCU just before he was elected, based on the material we have been shown. Either way, even with the foreshadowed intent (Ross becomes a Red Hulk), much of the movie is centered around POTUS Reverence. It astounds me that the Real World depicts less respect for the office than Sam Wilson gives Ross; the man should thoroughly despise President Ross, and yet he gives him hesitant respect and deference and actually attempts to believe the asshole has changed. Marmy had no interest in that.
So, OK. General Ross (Harrison Ford, Shrinking) is President. Wilson (Anthony Mackie, Altered Carbon) is still struggling with being labelled Captain America, though his international escapades with Joaquin Torres (Danny Ramirez, The Gifted) have gained them enough notoriety that Ross sent them to Mexico to stop a terrorist group from selling a classified item to ... other terrorists? The sellers are Serpent (comics = The Serpent Society) and the buyer is a mystery. The opening fight is at the TV level, something reminiscent of the Sam & Bucky Show which I get is probably intentional, but ... meh.
After that success they end up at a summit arranged by Ross, where the opening bit is explained. The package was "adamantium" (gong volume foreshadow sound) which had been mined from the Celestial body in the Indian Ocean (see The Eternals). Ooooo, they are going to replace the hard-to-get Vibranium with Adamantium, which means unless they do some celestial level retconning, when they introduce the X-Men to the MCU, Wolvy will not yet have been abused by the Weapon X Program. Anywayz, Ross wants the world to come together to agree on how this new resource should be handled.
Exceeeept, there are a bunch of sleeper agents in the audience, including Sam's buddy Isaiah Bradley (Carl Lumbly, Supergirl), the forgotten Captain America (Korean War era), and after hearing the song "Mr. Blue", they all attempt to kill the President. They fail, and when they capture Bradley, he has no idea why he did it. We also get introduced to Ross's head of security, one Ruth Bat-Seraph (Shira Haas, Shtisel), who previously one of the Widow agents from the Red Room. She's tiny but she's one tough cookie.
Investigation Time!
Sidewinder (Giancarlo Espositio, Breaking Bad), leader of Serpent, attacks Sam, but gets captured. That points Sam and Joaquin to some hidden based called Camp Echo, one of those off-the-books sites. Ross is desperately trying to secure the goal of the summit, but the Japanese are not on board -- his house is obviously not safe. At Camp Echo, Sam & Joaquin discover that someone really really smart was housed there, someone who had devised a way to create sleeper agents and was responsible for the attack. Meanwhile Ross knows exactly who has been doing all this, the elusive Mr. Blue who if you remember the Not MCU / Yes It Is The Incredible Hulk movie, was the name of the villain who got himself dosed by Hulk Blood and whose head went all mushy. He has become a super villain with a big brain which Ross has had imprisoned for years, providing Ross with a serum to keep his faulty heart in check. Why Ross trusted the guy, who knows. But obviously he has gotten himself out of that pickle.
I was honestly hoping that they would somehow mix Skrulls into this, maybe have Sidewinder actually be a Bad Skrull, but I guess that spaceship has sailed.
Meanwhile in the Indian Ocean, where ships are converging on the Celestial, Mr. Blue takes control of two American fighter jets and attacks the Japanese. Wait, do the Japanese have a navy? AFAIK they were denied any actual military force and only have coastal defense ships -- I guess the MCU post-WWII treaties were different, and maybe in the post-Blip world, things have to be. Anywayz, Cap (for he is flying as Captain American at the time) and Joaquin stop the planes, but not without injury and an escalating, growing rage from within Ross. The man is doing his best to not Hulk Out.
Back in Washington, DC, Ross has a press conference where he finally gives fully in to the Mr. Blue initiated Hulk serum in his blood and ... Red Hulk !! He's a wee bit smaller than Green Hulk, enough so that Captain American and his Vibranium enforced armour can take the rampage head on, in the beautiful cherry blossom orchard near the White House, whiiiiich Red Hulk has pretty much destroyed. This whole battle is such a let down, and not the Olympus has Fallen impact they wanted from it. Its just a building smashed by Red Hulk in this movie; any emotional baggage has been drained by apathy and a complete inability for the movie to generate the reverence it wanted. Also, since Captain America is so obviously outmatched by a Hulk, he takes down Ross with guilt over his estranged daughter Betty, who has been MCU absent since the Edward Norton movie.
Red Hulk defeated, Ross resigned and in The Raft along with Mr. Blue. Blah blah blah, sum up and ... well, I just don't care.
Kent comments on how the movie was Purple Suit Butchered, and while that was not obvious for me, the lack of commitment was apparent. I Just Don't Care should not be an emotion elicited from a MCU movie. And not one in this sub-franchise. Sure, the threading together of continuity was fun for the nerd, but... will anyone else care about this movie? I sure didn't.
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