2025, Dan Berk + Robert Olsen (Stakelander) -- download
Nathan Caine (Jack Quaid, Companion), called NovoCaine by his bullies, has CIPA, an apparently real genetic disorder that eliminates pain and the response to heat/cold in people. From the action-comedy perspective, apparent in the trailers, that means he can get shot, stabbed or punched in the face and keep on truckin. But the movie does deal with the very real aspects where, since you don't feel pain, you might not notice when you have hurt yourself. He has a baby-proofed apartment, is an extreme introvert, and only eats soft foods, just in case he bites his tongue while chewing. He doesn't have a lot of joy in his life, but he's a Good Man (as opposed to a Nice Guy) and cares for his customers at the bank in which he is Asst Manager. He also has a major crush on new bank teller Sherry (Amber Midthunder, Legion), who is inordinately nice to him. She takes him on a date, introduces him to cherry pie, has very careful sex with him. He is instantly head over heels. Nathan is finally living some life.
Then his bank gets robbed and Sherry is taken hostage. Nathan throws all caution to the wind and pursues the robbers to get the girl of his dreams back. Following the playbook in these kinds of movies, the police initially think he's in on it, but eventually start figuring things out. As Nathan catches up with the bank robbers, each in individual encounters, we get a bone-crunching, hot-oil cooking, punching, stabbing, shooting fight scene. We wince for each injury Nathan takes, because he doesn't. That's the gimmick, and unfortunately its not very successful. Eventually he does reach his final destination, to save Sherry and, entirely unsurprisingly, discovers she was in on it the whole time. But her foster brother is the worst and she is reconsidering her life choices, actually, truly liking Nathan. Because, of course.
If it wasn't for the easy charm in which Quaid and Midthunder carry the characters, the movie would be entirely boring, as in VHS bottom-shelf mundane. Along with Nathan's online, and only, friend Roscoe (Jacob Batalon, Reginald the Vampire) who comes out of his gaming cave to provide surprisingly nimble assistance, the movie is not without its moments. But the cops are cardboard, the villains are paper thin, the action scenes only somewhat inspired.
I wish I could say I am watching these movies because we have to, because we have to make a post about them. But no, its me, I am to blame, I do this to myself.
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