3 Short Paragraphs (Or Not): Fantastic Beasts: The Secrets of Dumbledore

2022, David Yates (Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix) -- download

It doesn't say much for this series that I didn't even remember there was a previous movies, having muddled (muggled?) the first two all together. Let's assume the writeup of the second was swallowed up in the Great Hiatus of 2018, but really, I was probably just so apathetic I didn't bother writing about it. And three sittings later, as I finally finish this one, I feel the same. But write up, I will, for I am deep in the sunk cost fallacy.

I did see, and write, about the first one, and looking back, I wasn't all that impressed. So, why watch the next two? To see if they will get better? Because I am a Big HP Fan? No, not at all. I do like the world that is created, and do like seeing it expanded upon, but the story is ... well, its all muggled up (fully intentional). Reaching the third in the series, they have a new He Who Should Not Be Named named Gellert Grindelwald (Mads Mikkelsen, Polar) who is a Bad Guy and is Dumbledore's (Jude Law, AI) ex-BF. While I don't recall exactly what it was, in the last movie Grindelwald did something that jeopardized the veil between the wizarding world and that of the muggles, and he hurt a lot of people. Newt Scamander (Eddie Redmayne, Jupiter Ascending)), his muggle/non-mag baker best friend Jacob (Dan Fogler, The Walking Dead) and a bevy of others, including Dumbledore, are focused entirely on revealing Grindelwald's agenda to the world, despite the world not really giving that much of a hoot -- they are muggles after all.

And there is a Beast, a Qilin (or Kirin), an utterly innocent creature that Grindelwald murders and takes one of its offspring. Unbeknownst, Newt secreted away the other. Grindelwald intends on using the creature as part of a conspiracy to have himself named Emperor of All Magic.. OK, its just Supreme Leader of the Confederation of Magic (Great Leader? Supreme Mugwump?). Of course, they foil his plan, have a wand battle (wouldn't it be cool if they held them like lightsabres and fought like Jedi?) and declare someone else Head Honcho.

Again, didn't do much for me. Not that I was a big HP Fan to begin with, but I like the elements. But again, I am here for Jacob and Queenie (Alison Sudol, Other People's Children). If there was a series just about him and his bakery and all kinds of magical escapades in Brooklyn, I would be all-in. Funny also, how the first movie started under the conceit of "HP in America!" which was quickly dispense so they could run back to Europe and all its Old Architecture. I guess they decided that being more worldly was better than just "add America". I did like the brief addition of Bhutan, a country which is always associated with the mystic arts, in pop culture.

Note: what terrible posters, all around.