The Flash

 2023, d. Andy Muschietti - in theatre

The DC Comics fan in me, the one who had spent over two decades investing in nuance, continuity and legacy, has a really hard time saying bluntly what needs to be said about The Flash, because more than anything I wanted it to be amazing. I've lived a large portion of my life dreaming of big screen adventures of DC heroes other than Batman and Superman, and with very few exceptions those dreams have been dashed. So I knew The Flash wouldn't be amazing, because I knew the foundation the film is built upon is loose shale fortified with cheese curds.

I'm not angry about it because I've long gotten over the fact that the Snyderverse doesn't work for me. I'm not even disappointed because I could tell from the trailers -- which sold this as a Batman movie featuring The Flash -- that there was definitely something wrong with the film (the final trailer, which I saw about two weeks before the film's release, finally sold it as a Flash movie, and I had a visceral 'no thank you' reaction).

My problem stems from Ezra Miller's casting, which even before their controversies, didn't work for me. They are fundamentally wrong for the character as written, and the character, as written, is fundamentally unrecognizable as Barry Allen, or any other Flash for that matter. I can get over changing Barry Allen as a character -- he's about as boring a figure as they get in comics (I'm much more of a Wally West fan) -- but this character, who is twitchy, anxiety-addled, seemingly neurodivergent (except when he's not), is inconsistently written and likewise inconsistently played. Whatever type of person Barry Allen is supposed to be, Miller either struggles to find him, or struggles to convey him. And, physically, whatever Miller's weird floppy hand thing they've chosen to do when running as the Flash looks really, really, really stupid (just as it did in Justice League). Mindboggling choice on their part. One of many.

Then they introduce a second Barry Allen. He's a 10-years-younger alternate version whose mother never died because The Flash has figured out he could mess with the timeline, and then did, only to accidentally wind up in an alternate past. Miller plays this second Flash like Pauly Shore in every 90's Pauly Shore vehicle, buddy. Your mileage may vary on how amused by this performance you will be, but your tolerance for Pauly Shore is a good benchmark for expectations. The smart tactic would have been, at the very least, recasting this second Barry Allen (understanding that the film was too far gone once the Miller controversies hit to really make big casting changes.... Even still....)

Beyond that fundamental casting flaw (singular. Miller is the only casting problem, just doubled up), the other fundamental flaw of the production is that the DCEU/Snyderverse hasn't earned a story that revels in, and relies upon its cinematic history so deeply. The heroes of the DCEU haven't been explored enough to start tinkering with what we know about them and their place in this universe, and the film revelling in all the differences of the new timeline Barry has created has no resonance, unless, I guess, you were really, really, really invested in the Snyderverse. Even as a big DC fan, this all rang very hollow and unjustified.

Michael Keaton certainly seemed game for resurrecting a variation of his Bruce Wayne, while Michael Shannon has not been quiet about how much he disliked returning as Zod (I would say his apathy shows, but he's barely in the film enough for us to care about his performance). Ben Affleck was always good casting for Batman, but this is taking on the Joss Whedon Justice League as his worst appearance (the performance is fine, but what's being done with the character, not so much). Sasha Callie's Supergirl is good, but she's got maybe a dozen lines of dialogue at most...she's a presence more than a character.

If the good special effects of The Flash aren't notable, it's because the bad special effects are. The cgi characters, almost universally, look terrible. I've heard the uncanny valley of Polar Express cited and I'm not even sure it looks that good. Director Andy Muschietti says it was a deliberate choice. I call BS on that and say that Warner Bros pulled out of investing any further cash into finishing the effects once they learned about Miller's extracurricular activities. Not all press is good press.

When Miller is acting against themself, it's clear there were two people in the room, but one always gets a digital Miller face slapped over top, and it's as noticeable as Henry Cavill's digitally removed moustache in Justice League. It's unsettling. CGI babies, a weird time arena, ghoulish and weirdly conceived alternate earths as viewed through various CGI Supermans (why Supermans and not Flashes?)...it's a frequently ugly film, and yet the problem that bothered me the least.

From the nerd side of things, the Flash's powers were wildly inconsistent. The drawbacks and constraints of using the powers -- the charge they build up, or the need for fuel, or the effect on moving people, or rapid healing powars, among other traits -- were scattershot in their application. I noticed, and it bothered me.  The conceptualization of the speed force, the visualization of the Flash running, what it means to move that fast and the effect it has on one's body or one's surrounds, it doesn't hold together. With dozens of writers having worked on a script for this film for almost a decade, there's likely a hodgepodge, piecemeal effect of disparate parts that don't invariably fit as it iterated over time.

The costume designs, while nominally an improvement over those found in Justice League are, to be frank, still ugly. The Flash costume is very rubbery and glossy and bulbous and makes me uncomfortable (reminding me of Schumacher's fetishistic Batman and Robin costumes). Supergirl's costume has weird darts jutting from her hips to her crotch as if pointing to it for some unknown reason.  Consistency for consistency sake but Keaton's Batman still can't turn his head after 35 years of iterating costume designs?  And what was up with the nose on Affleck Batman's costume...?

I didn't enjoy myself with this movie. I started the film with my arms crossed, and sunk even deeper into my chair as it progressed. I like time travel and multiverse stories, so I did really want to get caught up in the adventure of it, but at every turn I was faced with an actor who wasn't working and reminded of a universe I don't really like.   I think about superhero films like '78 Superman or Ang Lee's Hulk or Iron Man which put you into the position of the hero in certain moments, that give you that sense of what it's like to fly or leap or smash or be in the suit of armor, a moment or two that is like a visceral experience. I never felt connected to Flash's speed. They try to replicate the great visualization of Quicksilver in the X-Men movies early on, but to lesser effect.  Flash's speed has so many different visual iterations that there is no connection point to it as a viewer.

I hate to say it, but I have to...The Flash is bad. If I'm being generous, it just doesn't work for me. If I'm being mean, it's good-bye and good riddance to the Snyderverse.