Pre-chip: One of my favourite all-time chips is Zesty Doritos. Just an absolute blast of, well, zesty, cheesy flavour. Even now, with my systemic issues, I still will sneak a few Zestys into my body...just enough that it won't trigger the worst of the side effects. (The rest of the Doritos line I really don't care at all for, except the regular old Nacho flavour which has always just been...fine).
I can still eat tortilla chips until my heart is content, but I don't usually go for tortilla chips as a snack, but instead as a meal with delicious toppings and dips, so not having Doritos in my life hasn't been much of a loss.
Still, here's a brand new flavour of Doritos... and I have to wonder... is this riffing on the Miss Vickie's Cacio E Pepe?
First smell: The very first think I smell is that familiar corn-and-oil waft, and for a second I get a hint of the traditional Doritos smell, but that is soon overpowered by, I guess, the garlic? There's definitely a garlic component to the smell, but it's not just that, and it's not necessarily cheese. Maybe it's the sour cream and the undisclosed "spices and herbs"?
Just to be clear, it's not the most pleasant smell. Not enticing in the slightest. It's actually kind of putting me off.
First taste: The good thing is the taste is better than the smell. The sour cream has an immediate punch, which is then joined by a complexity of other flavours stinging all areas of the tongue. On first taste, these flavours are not working in unison.
Aftertaste: Honestly, the sides of my tongue feel a little electrified...like when you put your tongue on both polarities of a 9-volt battery (we've all done it, don't act like you don't know what I'm talking about) or if you have fillings and you've chewed on tinfoil (we've all done it, don't act like you don't know what I'm talking about). The odd thing is you would think the garlic would linger the most but it's just the corn-and-oil taste lingering.
Mass consumption: Eating a half dozen or so in quick succession and, for sure, it's those patented Doritos mixture of undisclosed "spices and herbs" that announce themselves the most and remind you that you are indeed eating a Dorito. It's sort of a mix of Cool Ranch, Nacho and Zesty, but subdued comparatively to any of them. You're still definitely getting more tortilla flavour than any other Dorito I've ever had before.
Final thoughts: Ultimate Garlic Parm is a more subdued Dorito, but this is Doritos we're talking about here and even a subdued Dorito is popping with flavour. This isn't like the Bret's Chip version of Dorito where it's going for all-natural minimal, sophisticated hint of flavouring, this is still smacking you on the tongue like a bad boy but it's taking a more round-about way than your average Dorito. As a guy who really can't eat the other Doritos, this would do in a pinch if I had a Doritos hankering (which is rare anyway), but it's not going to incite a Doritos hankering. As a new flavour to the Doritos line I don't see it exciting the Doritos fan so I'm betting this will last on shelves for the season never to be seen from again.
Oh, and it's absolutely nothing like Miss Vickie's Cacio E Pepe.
[Slight update... even genuinely not loving the flavour, I am finding it hard to stop eating them. There is the right addictive combination of salt, cheese, sweet, tang and grease to make it highly consumable.]
[Double slight update... I did not feel wonderful the rest of the day/evening after eating a half a bag of these things. Not sick to my stomach or anything, just heavy with that lingering charge in my mouth. Knocking another full point off the rating]
Rating: 6.7 5.7
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