2024, Jake Van Wagoner (Christmas Time) -- download
Meta: This comes not from a director with 365 previous Hallmarkies under his belt, but only two zero-budget indie flicks. But I guess he did something "right" to be chosen to direct this? Or is it punishment?
The Draw: I have no recollection why this was in my downloads folder. Maybe it was the presence of Wes Brown, who is Hallmarkie Royalty, or Ashley Greene, but I only really know her from Twilight. So... I don't know?
HERstory: So, we start with a song, a not-quite montage of opening scenes of Rose (Ashley Greene, Kristy), head of a design firm, a sort of Hallmarkie Sarah Richardson (sorry, my interior design knowledge is 20 years out of date) interspersed with someone decorating a weird-ass gingerbread house which is mostly white icing and has a plastic look to it. She is all work work work but gets a call from her contractor brother back in their hometown who needs some sisterly designer help in finishing a house-flip his company is working on. They have to have it all done by Xmas Eve so a family in need can move in. But Rose never comes home for Xmas.
If my knowledge of design trends is 20 years old, am I wrong in thinking "flipping houses" as a thing is soooo 10 years ago? We don't have cable TV so I don't know if they dominate those kind of TV channels.
P.S. The reason why her brother needs her help is that they had this "by Xmas eve" job, but then the "mysterious benefactor" backed-out and they were suddenly underfunded.
He is Brysen (Wes Brown, Haul Out the Halloween), who works with Rose's brother and has an ex-fiancé taunting him with her new beau's engagement ring. At first, I thought he was an even older ex of Rose, for when they bump into each other, literally, at the Hot Chocolate Shop they really reinvigorate that contentious history. Yes, she has come home for Xmas, as she felt the need to get away from all her needy insane uber-wealthy clients. And help her brother.
More scenes of that weird-ass gingerbread house which we then see is a model of that house being flipped for charity.
OK, she's come home to the PST of Solon (Solen? Solin?), Colorado from the Big City Chicago. First thing we see is the late-stage capitalism example that is the Demonte family home -- holy crapoley its so huge I thought for a moment she was coming home to stay in a fancy B&B, hosted by Aunt Gigi (Carolyn Hennesy, General Hospital [686 episodes!!!]) and... Brysen is staying at. But no, its the family home, and brother Sal (Danny Pellegrino, The Stalking Fields) offered Brysen his old room after his breakup. And that's when I learned the two are not ex's but just holding onto childhood... dislike? Its weird and forced, but he remembers her being snooty and she remembers him being a neanderthal -- either way, they are filling a requirement to Initially Not Like Each Other.
Rose "Googles" something and we see its called Webb Find in this world -- I know we have mentioned it before, about possibly tracking all the alt-search-engines that pop up in Hallmarkies...
The next day takes her to HomeGoods, to shop for stuff needed for her brother's reno/flip. To be fair, based on Webb Find, I assumed HomeGoods was just a Hallmarkie Land knock-off of an actual home furnishings store, but instead I have found that HomeGoods is actual store, with a sister store in Canada called HomeSense. So, this shopping trip was as much product placement as it was plot/montage fodder. There's a lot of product placement in this movie.
Plot. Snicker.
Next up, Tree Shopping (a slight problem with watching a bunch of Hallmarkies in a row, is that the trope-scenes blend together... did they see a hunky tree lot owner in this one or a different one?) followed by more Hot Chocolate and an introduction to a news reporter who is covering their charity house-flip buuuuut is Sal's childhood bully... additional complication / contentious relationship!
I need to get better at making the notes of how the story actually progresses because, other than the note-worthy events, most of it just slips away.
Oh yeah, taking that tree above to the flipper-house (p.s each "commercial segment" is denoted by seeing more of the weird-ass gingerbread house in the making) where the family receiving the house (school principle of our mains, his daughter & grandkids, down on luck) gets a Decorating Montage! We then just go into design work work work overdrive punctuated by Rose bumping into more memories of her Dead Parents, parents who were known for their charity house building / flipping, whom Sal followed in the footsteps of, but whose death had devastated Rose so badly she became known as "runaway Rosie". Sad Rose.
Despite the Dead Parents being charity flippers (dolphin sounds), they obviously MADE. A. LOT. OF. MONEY. DOING. SO.
While Rose is being sad, Brysen bumps into his Gloating Ex (Lindsay Pulsipher, Justified) who is no longer gloating, because she got dumped. Instead of doing a Nelson Muntz, he is kind, understanding and sympathetic. Exceeeeept Rose sees him being such through the Hot Chocolate Shop window and ... MISUNDERSTANDING ! They have started getting along sooo well, but apparently he still likes his ex (he doesn't).
Next up, Skate Party, so pull on those ice skates and head to the frozen pon.... record scratch.... Roller Rink? Roller Skating? Boo and Bleah. But its a fundraiser for their flipping, and while they are safe inside, a mysterious snow storm happens outside, but it doesn't have even one inch of evidence left behind but for knocking a massive branch off the birch tree that overhands the flipper house and .... BIG HOLE. Oh noes, how can they afford anything now? Also, the branch wrecked Rose's final memory of her mom by crushing her ceramic xmas tree.
But worry your little hearts not, because a Reno Montage can fix everything, with everyone pitching in, including the family who is getting the house and the news reporter (Claybourne Elder, The Gilded Age) who Sal is beginning to go soft on and weird, far from realistic ideas on how to repair roofs -- you do not do it from inside-out.
Nutella sponsored cookie baking montage! Yes, there are a lot of montages in this movie, but the cookie baking, eating and cleaning up affords Sal learning that news reporter bully was not a bully after all, but a kid who thought Sal was bullying him and responded in kind. In fact, he's kind of sweet on Sal and .... well, Sal has the worst gaydar... just, the worst!
Soooooo, just as they are coming to a conclusion, all funds exhausted by the roof-fixing-montage, the mysterious benefactor has a change of heart and THEY HAVE LOTS OF MONEY AGAIN, just in time to buy buy buy everything to decorate the house. And just in time for Rose to overhear that Brysen's ex is "getting back together with her ex". The misunderstanding just doubled, which has Rose Runaway before they do the house reveal to the family and to the news reporter who is now dating Sal.
On Xmas Eve they all have a lovely party for the reveal, and Rose realizes she's being a doofus and returns in time to learn that Brysen's ex was getting back together with her fiancé that Rose didn't even know existed, and that The Mysterious Benefactor was THEIR AUNT GIGI ALL ALONG ! She was just fucking with their mental health in order to bring Rose back home, to learn the Real Meaning of Xmas Eve House Flipping. Brysen and Rose realize they are perfect for each other but he needs to stay... oh who am I kidding, the movie actually has its own change of heart, and Rose will still go back to her well established and respected business and Brysen will come there and HELP. And kiss. Happy Ending!
The Formulae: A PST, and the new one I am tracking -- uber wealthy families! Main characters that begin contentious but eventually find the gooey center at the heart of their crankiness. Tree hunting (bang!) and Hot Chocolate and so much hot chocolate. An Xmas Eve deadline. A misunderstanding around whom loves who. Brysen is the home town guy with a small home town job, while Rose is a work work work girl in the Big City with a Big City Job! Cookies! Montages!
Unformulae: My favourite broken trope is that she doesn't even consider giving up her Big City Job. She's successful and she's sticking with it. Good on her!!
True Calling? They decorate walls to some degree. Half-way decent pun intended.
The Rewind: Not a rewind but a cute line that made me chuckle out loud, "And Rose Demonte's heart grew three sizes...." after she really truly enjoys doing the decorating the tree montage at the flipper house. I always like me a good Grinch reference.
The Regulars: Ashley has done a few, but Wes Brown has done TONS. The only other semi-regular is Paul Anthony McLean who plays the school principle they are flipping the house for.
How does it Hallmark? Since I have decided to soften on the Xmas Tropes I hold so dear, I will have to say it does a pretty standard job of holding to standard Hallmark Romance. Wes Brown is a seasoned googley eyes-er and Ashley Greene does a damn smart job of softening her hard heart to Brysen. They went well together.
How does it movie? I did not utter "I am actually liking this" once but nor did I loathe it. So, no it doesn't Movie well, but it is not expected to.
How Does It Snow? Cotton Batting Abounded.
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