2024, Julian Farino (Florida Man) -- Netflix
We watched Florida Man; I didn't write about it. It was during the recent period where I wasn't writing about TV; I didn't feel the need to fill it in. It was less than satisfying.
I honestly don't think this could have been any more than that -- not satisfying. There have always been films that are purely products of the industry, i.e. they are nothing more than a calculation of investment versus return, effort versus reward. I will never claim to be an expert on the industry, but you don't have to be to see these kinds of signs. But again, I have said before, that is not necessarily a bad thing, a director gets work, writers get work, stunt coordinators get work, and a lot of people get their next job. In the end, all you get is a serviceable movie, but sometimes that's OK.
But is it? What if, and its entirely fantasy, the money shoved into these pablum actioners were funneled towards a dozen other indie-level flicks? the investment would be the same and I cannot help but think the return might be equal, but with the added bonus of there likely being a gem or two from those dozen. Again, fantasy.
Ten minutes of Googling tells me this movie was a "pitch", something originally called Our Man from Jersey. Basically Wahlberg and producer Stephen Levinson pitching an idea to a various shades of purple boardroom. I guess that is the industry these days? Maybe I have half a dozen movie ideas in my notebooks?
Anywayz, what was the pitch? Probably something along the line of "a secret non-governmental espionage organization has to recruit a nobody blue collar worker from New Jersey because they have no choice."
The "no choice" is because one of the current MacGuffins of espionage movies -- a list of all the spies and contacts in the espionage world is out there on the market, so they need someone not on the record to help them find it. Who is the them? Another current staple of the espionage film industry -- a spy agency not tied to any particular government or country, but who does Good Work for all. There is some hint that they pretend to be blue collar workers so they can hide in the shadows, blend in, accomplish what they need to do without being noticed. But other than an opening sequence, that never comes into play and Wahlberg's character is barely ever "under cover".
Anywayz, Mike McKenna (Mark Wahlberg, Father Stu) is recruited into The Union by his highschool GF Roxanne (Halle Berry, Moonfall)) who broke his heart when she left New Jersey to see the world. By recruited, I mean she gets him drunk, sedates him and takes him to the UK where The Union has its headquarters in the BT (British Telecom) Tower. There, he is explained the situation and asked to help. Not everyone is convinced he is the appropriate choice, Mike being one of them. But after an extended training montage they seem to have some confidence in him.
Their plan is to have Mike attend an auction where they can buy the MacGuffin. But first they have to get a proper invite to the auction. So, its about Mike being a lone not-on-the-list agent, and yet, they send a team, including Roxanne, with him at all times. I know they are nameless NPC agents, well most of them, but ... aren't they all a liability? Isn't that the point of the movie? Handwavey time! Anywayz, the mission to get the sub-MacGuffin, a device that acts as "invite" to the auction is screwed up because Mike drops it into a sink of dish water. You'd think they would make those fancy schmancy things at least at the level of a Samsung phone that can go for a swim, but whatever... now Mike has to regain their confidence by stealing another sub-MacGuffin from "the Koreans" who are represented by... eastern Europeans.
In case you haven't caught on yet, the movie is not set in New Jersey, but in UK/Europe and its one of those espionage movies of late that believes exotic (aka non-American) locales make for better espionage movies, and probably also gets the production lots of funding from different country's buckets of film money. This movie is slightly more effective in using the locales than say... My Spy: The Eternal City.
While stealing the sub-MacGuffin one of their agents is killed and their base in the tower is All Blowed Up. So, they are "on the run" convinced they must have a mole in their ranks, I guess not having any memory that there is a List out there (the original MacGuffin) that is supposed to have the locations of all espionage agencies in the world? I mean, that would include them, no? Anywayz, whatever.
Another part I don't get is that they get money for the auction from a Dick CIA Agent (Stephen Campbell Moore, War of the Worlds; playing an American but with the worst accent) but they don't have any intention on going through with the auction so... why do they even need money. One would assume that because they have the sub-MacGuffin that already implies they have the trust of The Auctioneer to be able to pay whatever bid they submit. And if they are only using that sub-MacGuffin to track ("triangulate!!") down The Auctioneer (Jessica De Goux, Pennnyworth) herself, then.... ? Also, if they do have the money, why not just actually BUY the MacGuffin (prime MacGuffin; The List) and take it off the market. Seems easy and low risk to me. Also (lots of also's there, buddy) why do they assume that once they track The Auctioneer down she would have the MacGuffin on her body or would lead them to it? But whatever, that's what they do.
And The Auctioneer has the MacGuffin in her fridge.
Buuuut the (un)expected happens. You see, I never mentioned how the movie opened, with the typical "Everyone Gets Killed" scenario. Roxanne's original team is all killed just after they got hold of the MacGuffin. So, she lost her entire team and the target of the operation. Fast forward to now and there is a knock at the door and (eye roll) its one of her "dead" team, Nick Faraday (Mike Colter, Plane), who also happens to turn out to be Roxanne's husband. Nick betrayed the team, his wife and his honour. He also tells them that their boss Brennan (JK Simmons, The Tomorrow War) is the mole who betrayed The Union. And then there is a bit of a standoff, and Nick escapes. Anywayz, they have the MacGuffin and will hand it over to the US via the CIA. Doesn't strike me as the smartest move, but whatever, rah rah USA.
Exceeept its a double (triple?) betrayal. Nick and The Auctioneer switched out the actual case and also framed Roxanne and Mike and the Union as a whole. At this point I am thinking The Union sucks pretty bad at its job, but whatever, they have to pull an Ethan Hunt and go on the run to recover the REAL MacGuffin, capture/kill Nick and clear their name. They run off to the Istria Penninsula, tracking Nick.
Chase scene, chase scene, chase scene, Nick further betrays his buyers the Iranians, chase scene, chase scene, they finally shoot Nick and get the MacGuffin back. If anything, I am a bit tired by this act of the movie but the locale is pretty and I get to Google Istria, a peninsula shared by Italy, Croatia and Slovenia. The town is not called Istria, as the movie would have, but the region is. They get the case, clear their name and... kill Nick, making Roxanne properly single to unashamedly flirt with her highschool boyfriend Mike.
Pro's. Two people over 50 as the leads. Cons, at least when you watch John Wick there is a reason for his character to be barely hobbling in the action scenes -- he's been shot, punched, stabbed and probably hit by a car at least twice. You can see Halle Berry is not even comfortable running. But whatever, its fantasy. Funny how I am not considering this part of my "aging action stars" unlabelled set of movies as they characters are not portrayed as such. Also con, they just don't have any chemistry. They come off more as two buddies more likely to make fun of each other's genitalia than become romantically involved, which would be fine if that was not the setup. Pro; I just like these action oriented, exotic locale romps. Con, all the fucking continuity bullshit; they should have reduced the amount of "complexity" they wanted in the plot and just let it play through. But at least it wasn't Red Notice boring.
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