3 Short Paragraphs (Or Not): The Gorge

2025, Scott Derrickson (Doctor Strange) -- download

Weird movie, a genre movie whose trailers presented a novel idea -- something not often done in today's scifi flicks, especially one from big studios with current it-people leading the movie. There is a gorge in the wilderness upon which stand two towers, one on each side, and single soldiers are positioned in each tower, one on each side, to watch over what is down in the gorge. Their duty is one year and they are not to make contact with each other; they are not told what is in the gorge. Of course, they make contact. Its a movie that came out on Feb 14, so we know what is expected to happen.

Sort of a "Twilight Zone" or "The Outer Limits" style premise.

The further oddity is that each side represents The East and The West, which is weird considering any Cold War aspect is long gone, and is there even an "The East" anymore? Sure, there is the looming evil of Russia with her few allies, but its not like the cinematic (and geo-political) divide of the 60s era exists anymore. When I saw the trailers, I was thinking the movie was set in some sort of alternate timeline, or maybe a near future where the gorge was a centre stake in the tension between the two sides. Alas no, the movie opens with mundane setup of the characters: one is an ex-sniper for the American military, and the other is a hitman for Russia who gets spotted completing a job. He, the American, has nowhere else to be, and she, the assassin, is being punished by being placed here.

The further dichotomy of this movie flies in the face of current American politics where they (via their current insane leadership) are quickly becoming an ally of Russia, making the movie have little sense in "this" reality.

This movie has a budget, has hot-ticket names leading in Miles Teller (Whiplash) and Anya Taylor-Joy (The Queen's Gambit). Its a slick movie, well executed, well directed, tense and pleasing, both in the action-thriller parts and the "romance" parts. I was not sure where it was going to go, I posited many theories in my head as to what was going on down there in the mists of the gorge, especially after the reveal of the first antagonist. But in the end I was disappointed by the pedestrian nature of the reveal, something I would more expect from a video game or C-level Netflix series. But still, I enjoyed the experience.

I am still struggling by the dissolution of my head-canon as to who Ms Taylor-Joy is. Because my first [memorable] experience with her was Egger's "The VVitch", I had created a viewpoint that she was Scandinavian of descent, which is further complicated by the idea that movie is set in New England, not anywhere European. Sure, I didn't think she was another Alicia Vikander, but I built a background in my head, that she had some Nordic blood in her, went to school there, was raised there, or something to that effect. Nope, nada. No connection at all. Born in Miami, raised in England to parents of Argentinian and UK and Spanish heritage.

So, yeah, a Feb 14 movie, so romance. They two isolated figures break protocol and make contact, at first via long distance, mechano-magical binoculars, but eventually physically via a zipline. In some ways the romance is only an excuse for them to go down into the gorge; when the zipline fails and deposits Levi (Teller) into the gorge deep below, and Drasa (Taylor-Joy) makes her immediately down, to save him. That is where we get the reveal and set in motion a climax.

Here lie spoilers.

The gorge bottom itself is wonderfully alien and terrible, full of bugs and slithery things and teeth filled trees, something alien or eldritch. There was a brief moment where Levi witnesses a strange looking drone fly away, and I was thinking the bottom might be a portal to another world, another planet or dimension. But then they come across ruins from the 40s and it all turns out to be the product of an experiment gone wrong. They (both sides, The East and the West) had been working together, just post-WWII, on bio-weapons. Something went wrong and the weapon was released, changing the environment and the people. Initially soldiers were sent in to contain it, but they were also changed, creating immortal zombie-like human-plant-ickiness hybrid monster-men, but then the protocol of the two towers were constructed. The gun and mines installed, the protection to keep whatever was down in the gorge from getting out was established.

After the reveal, the whole setup felt entirely ridiculous. Why solitary watchmen? If they wanted to continue to exploit what was there, then why not a big, giant base, even if it had to wait for more technology to emerge, or the political environment to stabilize, then the 21st century protocol was just ... odd. Or if it was all considered too dangerous, which they did prepare for with an auto-mated nuke system, should whatever was down there succeed in escaping, then why not just destroy it all. The premise on its own is fun, but when it is explained, it just fell apart. So, the movie had to have it all apart by falling back on actioner tropes, with our characters shooting their way out, fighting monsters, and making sure it was all blowed up good. Still enjoyed the movie, but as always, wanted more.

3 Short Paragraphs (Or Not): Ghosted

2023, Dexter Fletcher (Eddie the Eagle) -- download

To be honest, it doesn't matter how much acclaim he gets, he will always be "that guy / one of the guys from Band of Brothers" to me. Sorry Dexter.

That was cute.

I am tempted to end the write-up there, as that is pretty much all I thought about it. He's cute, she's cute, it was cute. But there has to be something else to be said about it?

How about, "What was it about?" A cute guy (Chris Evans, The Losers, finally bulking down) who cannot seem to hang onto a girl, despite being Chris Evans, hooks up with a cute girl (Ana de Armas, Blade Runner 2049) despite them not clicking. They have a perfect all-night. Then he text-bombs her, and she doesn't immediately reply. He gets called out for "love bombing" her, basically sending far far too much to her, scaring her off with that much emotional connection, and her responding by ghosting him. Thus, movie.

Then he stalks her. RomCom terrain has changed a lot in the past decade, as men and women get called on their odd behaviour often attributed to romcoms. Should he just respect that she isn't replying? Does she need or even want a grand gesture? IRL, probably not. In the romcom universe, it is required. So, he tracks her to London, UK and off he goes. Buuuuut, he ends up getting mistaken as the spy she actually is, and gets dragged into her cameo laden espionage world.

OK, that is definitely something worth saying about this movie -- the cameos are great!

Cute Girl is a spy and as soon as Cute Guy gets tied up in her world, she cannot leave him behind. He's freak out, as he should be, and they fight, with each other, as well as the Bad Guys. Constantly. Bickering. Even if the near constant escapes from death shouldn't end their possibility at a relationship, that should. But remember, in the RCCU (romcom cinematic universe) bickering means I Wuv U. I hate that. Eventually they beat all the Bad Guys and have time to have sex again. The end.

The cameos? Tim Blake Nelson as torturer Borislov, who likes bugs. Other Spy-ish assassins: Anthony Mackie as Sam's Grandson, John Cho as The Leopard, Sebastian Stan is God. Burn Gorman drives a cab. Ryan Reynolds is an ex. And director Dexter Fletcher is locked in the trunk of car, missing the opportunity to play a Hip song.

It was cute. They were cute.

Finch

2021, Miguel Sapochnik (Repo Men) -- download

There are some movies that I see the trailer for and I just know that I will enjoy them, in fact come Hell or High Water, I will enjoy them. Yeah, I can be that way. So, when I see a trailer for a PoAp movie where an old guy builds a robot to take care of his dog, mixing in heart-felt hijinx and slap-stick, I know I am there. But y'know, I am not even sure why that does it for me, just something about the whimsy and schmaltzy feel-good with robots is in my wheelhouse.

Finch (Tom Hanks, Castaway) is a robotics expert hiding out in the remains of his corporate offices in St. Louis, underneath a single functioning windmill, generating the power he needs to survive, after the world has ended. While Finch is our last man, we get the idea that he chose to be a last man long before the world ended, as he is a bit of an odd-duck and more than a little antisocial. He is also dying, likely from the ever present solar radiation because of the no longer present ozone layer. But Goodyear the dog will need a caretaker, and therefore Finch builds one. Near sentience in robots must be a thing in Finch's day as he doesn't really pay any heed to creating new life, no great ponderings of the Great Meaning of Life, just a quick load of as much data as he can, and a fast-track into talking & walking. A big storm is coming and it will end St. Louis, even more than the End of the World did, so they have to get out of town.

So, road story. The best PoAp stories are road stories. From St Louis to San Franciso, because Finch was never brave enough to actually visit the city. But there shouldn't be any people there, and that should suit his dog and his robot, who names himself Jeff. Jeff is not a slick example of robotics, more like a teenager with a full set of encyclopedias in his head, which he can barely make sense of. But all the emotion and turmoil of youth. He is still learning what it is to be alive, and what his purpose is, while also being on the run from... everything. Not that there is a lot, for there is very little else in this movie but the trio, as the world has indeed died around them. The story is compact and concise and doesn't stray much from the singular goal. Also, Finch hates people so I doubt if they even came across the Helpful Survivor, they would give them a chance.

Jeff (motion cap'd and voice by Caleb Landry Jones, Get Out) is built to catch on quickly, learning to drive, to follow Finch's orders (and not always literally), and to prepare for the day when it's only him and Dog (Finch rarely calls the dog by his name). But the whole emotions thing and interpersonal interaction are the bigger challenge, especially considering Finch is such a dick to him. CLB handles him sooooo well, giving us a childlike WALL-E meets Stephen Hawking voice, supported by tons of minute and overt physical acting -- the regular wiggling of his Mickey Mouse sized fingers, and the reaction to when he hears a loose screw rattling around inside his own head -- well, it had me giggling constantly. And yet, there was weight there, both physically (he probably weighs a ton) and emotionally -- Jeff's feelings constantly get hurt. But he always recovers, like a kicked Boston Robotics dog.

This is not a tour de force for Hanks, but he plays the role admirably well. He knows he is going to die, and there is no shirking away from that. There is no miraculous ending, though some miracles in small amount do prevail. Apparently Finch was so concerned about hiding from people and surviving in his small bit of the world, he never considered what had happened outside it. The ends opened-ended, a whole wide world of experience for Jeff to capture, as long as he has Dog.