3 Short Paragraphs (or Not): The Snyder Cut

 2021, Zack Snyder (300) - download

"This is a very poorly told movie that certain fans will like because it contains scenes and situations they think are just really cool." -- Kent, 2021

OK, I was thinking I would end up doing six small posts (actually 3 short paragraphs) for each of the six "parts" that the movie chops itself into. But to be honest, other than part one and two, I didn't see any distinct breaks between them. Not literally, as I saw the title cards, but more thematically. So, I am left with rambling on about what I remember during the three sittings it took to watch this 4 hour gargantua.

Disclosure. I don't hate the Whedon Cut as much as I hated BvS or the latter third of Man of Steel. In many ways, I don't have any real emotional response to it. I just don't think it's a very good movie. And until late, I have been pretty much a Whedon apologist. But when I learned this was coming out, and it was going to be 4 hours, I knew there was going to be something I enjoyed about it. I admit fully to loving the visual aesthetics of Snyder movies. Remember, I love Sucker Punch.

Disclosure. This post has been sitting in the Drafts for forever.

I guess I got what I expected? Less? More? I am not sure. And I am hell's no not doing a rewatch anytime soon to further solidify my reactions. But I sure enjoyed the experience.

And I was right, it wasn't anytime soon, closer to a year's of laters.

So, we begin with 4x3 (because IMAX, I guess) which surprised the fuck out of me. We begin with a Yell Heard 'Round the World. The death of Superman (Henry Cavill, The Witcher) reverberates across the planet, affecting the Motherboxes in their stored locations. The editing of these scenes confused me, as there is no distinct cut from the event of the Death of Superman into the days After. Next we know, we are on a mountain where Gritty Bruce Wayne (Ben Affleck, Mallrats) leads a tough summabitch horse over icey peaks to a ice-in bay in some Nordic country. but to honest, it could have been Snyderverse Newfoundland for all we know. That said, these shots are spectacular, which is a phrase I could repeat again and again through this movie. See Kent's quote above.

I don't understand Batman's motivation in these opening acts. He wants to gather a group of heroes together for ... reasons? I believe, in the Whedon Cut, we got Batman's nightmares of a coming future pretty quickly, but this movie just begins with grim Batman being all regretfully grim. And being rebuffed almost immediately by Aquaman (Jason Momoa, See), to be followed by haunting Nordic singing. This is only the beginning of the vast number of haunting songs Snyder gives us.

I did like the scene with Lois (Amy Adams, Sunshine Cleaning) bringing coffee to the cops who sit outside the memorial to Superman, the first real statement that the world felt some impact from the death of Superman. In fact, I like all the Lois scenes. I might not have any emotional connection to anyone in this movie, but Amy Adams and Henry Cavill really depict a strong emotional tie, and she really carries the loss on her face. And the muted colours, the tight focus on small things. See Kent's comment above.

OMG the muddling of this movie in my head is confounding me. 4+ hours combined with inept-ish story telling is not helping here.

After reintroducing Wonder Woman (Gal Gadot, Fast & Furious) in mass amounts of slow-mo and musical Amazon cries, we return to Themyscira for the cartoon version of the battle between the Amazons and Steppenwolf (I wonder if the band knows they share a name with an intergalactic conqueror) in his armour v2. 

I started this rewatch over a YEAR ago. WTF. Time to do some cleanup on this blog.

NOTE: The previous line sat alone for months. Maybe THIS line will, as well. Time to kick off the ... third attempt at rewatching this movie? Again, its not that I dislike the movie, but ... look SHINY THOR MOVIE !

Yeah, that armour. The previous Whedon version was ... lacking inspiration, lacking just plain old interesting-ness. Meanwhile, v2 is all... spiky. Seriously spiky, as in so spiky he could put leave small sausages & fruit on the end of the spikes for later snacking. So spiky, my first thought was that he must get small nicks and paper(armour) cuts all the time, just moving his arms about, as the armour does all its own wavy, wiggly thing. And yet, I like it better than the original armour, and yet I ... dislike it. I hate CGI when its obvious the team got some new code algorithm that allows them to program in a bunch of independent components that will interact with the next component. Every time the CGI industry creates a new algorithm, rocks, crumbling structures, wavy grass, trees, water, etc. it shows up in EVERY movie for a while, until the next New Thing Comes Along. That said, its not just Steppenwolf's armour that changes, as he is now less human looking, more little frowny alien face wrapped by the shiny spikes.

He chases the box down, as the Amazons try to escape. While I love this scene for its ... superheroics, the character animation always bugged me. When they do the super jumps and crashes with a single Amazonian (Wonder Woman) surrounded by normal humans, it looks incredible. But have a whole bunch of em and they look ... well, animated. They lose the box, and with a final act, they launch a big ass arrow which stabs into Greece, igniting and making the news. Diana sees it and knows something is up.

And so Diana goes to Bruce to tell him about the Great Flashback Battle, where the aliens led by Darkseid (legacy villain from the DC comic universe) were knocked back by a combined force of Mankind (in Conan era look & feel), Amazons, Green Lanterns and Atlanteans. They stop Darkseid and his forces from taking the planet and destroying it via their three Motherboxes, weird machines that are focused on change, irreparable change that might as well be destruction. Diana is told by the shooting of the arrow that these aliens are probably coming back.

So, Batman was wandering the icey fjords, seeking to gather the super powered gang together for ... just this? This smacks of Iron Man and his Ultron shaped "armour around the planet" which was meant to protect the Earth from another alien invasion. But Bruce, who could easily go all Tony Stark on the defense setup, instead wants to gather all the powered beings. And based on Diana's news, its a good idea.

Bruce does succeed in getting Barry Allen (Ezra Miller, Californication), The Flash, onboard where he failed with The Aquaman, but Barry is pretty lost in his own life. He's all fanboy keen on joining forces with Batman / Bruce Wayne, so Bruce leaves Cyborg to Diana. I still love the structure of the scene where Diana steps from the car, and all the lights go dim as Cyborg (Ray Fisher, True Detective) flies in to tell her to fuck off. Its something about the lighting, and colour, but its oh so pretty. But essentially, Snyder is cementing Cyborg's angsty anger at all life, because of what his father made him into.

This is where I picked up again, in my latest and final sitting, watching the rest in a volume riding Sunday morning viewing.

Including the original version, this is my 2.5th rewatch, and for some reason, the what I remembered as a cloudy plot, seems more pulled together this time. For example, the tower battle. Batman has been rebuffed by Aquaman, but gained The Flash, and Wonder Woman has been rebuffed by Cyborg, but then Commissioner Gordon (JK Simmons, Counterpart) explains that scientists all over Gotham and Metropolis have been captured by strange bat-shaped creatures, for no reason anyone knows. Turns out Cyborg's dad is one of them, so he shows up to connect the dots and lead them to a weird abandoned tower & tunnels on Stryker Island. The ParaDemons, Darkseid / Steppenwolf's minions have been taking anyone with even a whiff of the MotherBox on them. One would have to assume that is the single box touched by staff at Star Labs, where said Cyborg's dad works, the primary location seemingly surrounding the crashed Kryptonian ship at the centre of Metropolis. Kind of weird they can sniff the scent of the box on people, but not the box itself. Anywayz, the newly formed team of convenience makes their way to their first foray against Steppenwolf. And even Aquaman shows up, fresh from his own battle with said Bad Guy.

Now, that said, this is Action Movie plot gathering. This is not Tight Plot plotting, as the edited version is prone to jumping all over the fucking place, with more than a little pandering. After their battle at the tower, the new team(ish) decides that they can only really defeat Steppenwolf and his screechey Wizard of Oz rejects with a final team member -- Superman. But he is dead, so... how? MotherBox it, of course! And it works, for the most part, combining magical science of the downed Kryptonian ship with the Box's power with Cyborg's cyber-intellect and The Flash's Duracell battery charge-up. It wakes up Superman, but leaves his lacking coherent memory, and a little angry. I am assuming this whole battle scene, was primarily to remind us how strong Superman is, and so they could lose the MotherBox, which is secreted away by Cyborg's dad, to be overheated so they can track it, before losing it.

A podcast I was listening to (I know, shocks!) commented on how Joe Morton (Eureka, Terminator 2) needs to play all the mad scientists in all the specfic movies from now on. I'm in.

So, we interrupt all the angsty battle and destruction and death, with an endearing scene at the Kent homestead. Clark Kent, not This Blog's Kent, strangely enough, also the name of the Wandavision style sitcom starring Kent and family. After Lois disarms him with a hug, they fly back to Kansas, to discuss his connection to the lost farm, and family. Some consider all the Lois scenes as mopey, but I still think of them as the heart of these movies. As long as you bypass the "I just met you but I love you" timing of their relationship, the emotive communication of connection between the two has always won me over. I wonder if Lois scratched her head as to how Ma Kent (Diane Lane, Y: The Last Man) could drive up in the pickup truck after just seeing her in Metropolis, chatting about renting an apartment.

Superman swings by the downed ship to pick something to wear other than raggedy funeral pants and plaid, and settles on the all-black supersuit harkening back to the original comic The Death of Superman. Meanwhile, the Justice Not Yet League has their plan in hand, and makes their way to Russia where Dr. Dad's heatmap sent them. This is where the movie, only slightly tweaked in the hands of Snyder works best for me. Its big, bombastic, superhero action, despite my initial cringing at Batman full of guns & missiles. While they take down the barrier Steppenwolf erected, quite easily, the battle is a hard go, as they distract the Big Bad's forces so Cyborg can interface with the now merged MotherBoxes and convince them to separate. I did not like the scary ghost ladies that the boxes were depicted as. But things are going bad, until.... CRASH (!!!) Superman appears to smash the day away. Really though, the strength and power and effortless attacks are grand! Between the three powerhouses of Superman, Wonder Woman and Aquaman, they batter Steppenwolf senseless until Cyborg does the job. We end on a confrontation with Darkseid as he gazes over Steppenwolf's headless body, ala a final swipe from Diana's sword. "I'll be back!" he intones.

Some epilogues. Bruce Wayne finally helps out Clark's mom by buying the bank that took her farm away. Martian Manhunter (Harry Lennix, Man of Steel) shows up to offer his services for the coming war (uh dude, why not help them out the day before?) which is depicted via a dream. Oh, and Luthor (Jesse Eisenberg, The Village) escapes to his yacht and hires Wade Slade Wilson (Joe Manganiello, True Blood) to take down Batman. Big meh's all around on these. Sure, the future war where Superman is a Bad Guy minion to Darkseid is all super Grimdark, which is right down my alley, but ... yawn, can we just go the other way, and go more 4-colour superhero for once? I get it, not Snyderverse at all. But I guess we will never know, as I gather the Snyderverse is done and done, despite the plethora of hashtags? But never say never.

Speaking of done done, this is finally done, after a year or more of drafts and stalls. In general, I am pleased with what came of the fandom that is the Snyderboys. That said, I find his dismissal of the toxic portions of that fandom to be disheartening. Agreed, that the good portion did some great works, but the nastiness around it was fucking loud. Anywayz, I am glad this was made, as it does seem more coherent than the Whedon version, and definitely more full, if at times overly full.