3 Short Paragraphs (or not): Day Shift

2022, JJ Perry (primarily a stunt guy; it shows) -- Netflix

It's about time I added that bit into the title, as these paragraphs are never short, and often not just three.

Vampires. We, Marmy and myself not Kent and I, have been about them since we met. We went through the Anne Rice phases, the classic phases, the sparkly highschooler phases, even the monster phases and while they could not be considered a cultural moment any longer (what is the fantastical theme of the moment right now?), they have never just faded into the night. That is my long, rambling way of saying that we still watch pretty much every mid-grade or higher vampire movie that shows up. And I am especially fond of vampire HUNTER movies.

This is not a good movie. And not for lack of stars and money or effort. Jamie Foxx (White House Down) is Bud Jablonski (huh?), a down on his luck vampire hunter on the out with the "vampire hunting union". Yup, in this world, vampire hunting is enough of a thing that it is unionized. Being the typical divorced dad, he needs more money to make it right with his ex and daughter. But only union money will do that for him, despite him being considered a skilled legend in the business. So, he comes back, ingratiates himself, and is saddled with desk jockey Seth (Dave Franco, Fright Night), primarily to make sure Bud fails and is forever barred from the union.

Decent enough comedic setup that could be fun, if there was some world building to go along with it. But nope, they just go from one overly elaborate fight scene (see Perry's background again), to the next, interrupted by tired attempts at humour. Of course, there is a Big Bad vampire who is focused on killing Bud for "a reason", but they never really establish any motivations for the Big Bad beyond "a reason", which was so threadbare, it might as well have been "to bite more people". BBEGs need to have big, elaborate goals and plans, even if they are utterly campy, and terrible (see the La Magra plot from Blade), but hers seems to be... buy up real estate. Oh, I get it; vampires are responsible for the Toronto housing bubble.

This movie didn't deserve to be so bad. With the right script and direction, it could have been The Next Big Vampire Thing, with all the little bits that should have been pulled together. The idea of hunting vampires in the incredibly bright & sunny San Fernando Valley of California. The idea of there be so many vampires, and vampire hunters, that they needed to be unionized. Snoop Dogg as a legendary cowboy (as in ten gallon hat & boots) hunter! Foxx and Franco are capable of comic timing! So much wasted on flip flopping, swinging around hand to hand combat scenes, that just ended up filling the minutes until dawn.