n Paragraphs: Uncharted

2022, Ruben Fleischer (Zombieland) -- download

I noticed something when writing my last post. My writing about movies reflects my personality of the last ... decade (or more?) in that I find it much easier to complain about something, to be snarky, to be mean, than to say something positive. When not complaining, my pathways seem to go down the "it was güd... the end" route and that's about it. So, I decided to not double-down on that choice in my writing style, and try to write about this movie in a more positive light, even though I was rather lukewarm about it.

I am rather surprised I don't have a "PS4: Uncharted 4" post somewhere in this blog, as I remember distinctly writing about constant switch from wise-cracking treasure hunter solving puzzles, to assault rifle firing "super soldier" mowing down hundreds of bad guys. The games don't acknowledge he is a mass "murderer" but I always notice it when I play such games. This movie actually draws upon some elements from this most recent game (deleted saying "final" as nothing is ever final in the video game world) in that the story is related to Drake's brother and does some flash backs to their childhood together. Also, these games are some of the most cinematic games out there, and were just begging for a franchise, for years !!

Speaking of that, and I will get this out of the way, so I can focus on "the positive". Nathan Drake, in the games, starts out at the age of 33. Tom Holland is 26, but he still looks early twenties, thus teenage Spider-Man is easily accepted. He's a minute lad. Back when production for this movie started, it only mentioned that Mark Wahlberg was attached, and the inevitable uproar began. While he fit the look of Nathan Drake (not as well as Nathan Fillion but that boat has flown), he was definitely just too old. When Tom Holland was announced, most, including myself, assumed they were going to build the movie off the flashbacks, from when Nathan meets Sully, the character Wahlberg ended up being cast into. We ended up with a mish mash of all that. So, what we end up with are two characters with actors cast into roles that just don't match up in our mind's eye. Usually, I don't give a rat's ass about such, because if an actor can embody a role, it doesn't fully matter what they look like. BUT we both know that Mark Wahlberg only ever plays one character -- Mark Wahlberg, and that just ain't Sully. And you know, that a studio bank on Holland is going to expect one thing from Holland -- bright eyed and bushy tailed, like his through much of the MCU. Again, not Drake.

OK, that said, as an origin movie this is a pretty good setup. The game series didn't begin with an origin story, as you were just tossed directly into the fray from the first scene. But this movie draws upon all the necessary elements to introduce the character of Nathan Drake, his challenging past and how he gets into .... let's call it what it is -- treasure hunting. Notice, I didn't call it tomb raiding. They don't get into exactly why Drake is so knowledgeable on history, just more a preamble where Nathan and his brother talk about their deceased mother, her diaries and their descendance from Sir Francis Drake. They will tighten those ties up in a later movie when they actually go hunting for the lost city of El Dorado, via Francis Drake's connection to it. Yeah, I am spoiling later movies. But we begin the movie with Sully coercing Nathan into helping him find the location of the lost Magellan expedition, and the billions in gold they were reputed to have hidden.

Hindering Drake and Sully from solving the puzzles, finding the maps and recovering the gold are an evil heir to the wealthy Moncado family (Antonio Banderas, Zorro) who is not too sexy in this role, his henchmen, including mercenary Jo Braddock (Tati Gabrielle, The 100) and fellow treasure hunter Chloe Frazer (Sophia Ali, Grey's Anatomy). And about a hundred black suited henchmen, including That Guy with the Beard, for Nate to get rid of. 

But this is a newer, softer Nate who doesn't grab the nearest sub-machine gun and down the mooks in a spray of bullet. In fact, he apologizes to the goon who IS trying to kill him, after he kicks him off the crate dangling mid-air out the back of a large cargo plane. That plane scene! The game loved its action oriented platforming (jumping from one precarious platform to the next) in the most gut-wrenching way. So we are not surprised when the back of the plane opens up, and all the crates tethered to each other go dangling out the back, held aloft by a lone parachute. Its not realistic in the least, but its a lot of fun. 

Eventually they do find the treasure, of course. And eventually they lose the treasure. Because, that ALWAYS happens in these movies. It erks the friggin' heck out of me (softer Nate swearing) but every time a treasure hunter finds giant pots of actual gold, you know that they are going to lose it. The bad guys hoist the hundreds of years old ships on some strong netting and some magic, as what else would allow an ancient wooden relic to hold together as it swings through the air hundreds of feet up? Alas, excitement! Shooting! Sword fights! Crash, bam boom. Glug glug glug, bye bye gold. I mean, they even use the backpack of gold to knock a bad guy down. Poor Sully, all that billions into the drink, to be claimed by the Philippine Govt.

But the movie is a lot of fun. Not as fun as the Pirates movies which this harkens back to, but there is a good amount of non-period swashbuckling, quips and bad guys getting their come-uppance.  And yet, as I squeeze in a bit complainy because that is me, I was not all that enamoured with it. Nate was just a bit too much Peter Parker and, as usual, Wahlberg is just himself. And all the mysticism of the games is dispensed with for a tired, familiar puzzle solving, treasure heist with some, admittedly, beautiful backdrops.