Krull

 1984, d. Peter Yates - DVD

This classic poster sells the
movie as a sci-fi- fanatasy-monster 
movie epic. Note how much emphasis
there is on the Glaive.

I know I watched Krull at least once as an 80's kid, but I really didn't like it. My reason then was simply that they sold the movie on the coolness of the Glaive - a large, 5-armed, throwing star- but the hero doesn't use it until the last 10 minutes of the film. Rewatching it decades later (pretty sure I made a failed attempt at a rewatch in the early 2000s) and I still don't like it. My initial reasoning still stands, but with so much more added to it. It's tediously slow and nonsensical, and clearly not a labor of love for anyone. This is a full-on studio-controlled picture, trying to rip off Star Wars and Superman and Excalibur and cribbing from Tolkien and probably countless other fantasy novels. There's not an original element to be found. So by the numbers is its adventure story that, in my head, I was quoting Monty Python and the Holy Grail at least once a minute. "It's only a model."  "Let's not go there, it's a silly place." "You must answer me these questions three." and on and on.

The films score from James Horner seems to be an exercise in finding his best John Williams impression, starting with matching the very Superman-esque credit sequence with a similar triumphant Williams-ish composition. Many of the tracks feel like Star Wars-lite and overall its trying, and failing, to help director Yates capture a swashbuckling feel out of a knights-versus-aliens conceit.

There was a lot of money put behind this (30-40 million in 1980's dollars apparently) and it shows...there are a LOT of costumes and big, impressive set designs, none of which look cheap. But its the wrong approach to linger on any of it too lovingly. Star Wars was too busy plot-wise to gaze wistfully. The Death Star blowing up was seconds, the evil mountainous lair here is minutes long in its tedious destruction.

The opening sequence of a giant rocky structure passing along a star field, only to make apparent that it is a spaceship, is actually extremely well done. It's approach on a lush-looking planet to it's landing as a new mountain range is as inspired as this film gets. Moments later, we meet cheezy medieval types but with fantasy mumbo-jumbo talk, followed by some boring nonstarter of a romance, and then the aliens invade...on horseback. It's a very abrupt revelation, where this went awry. The idea of an alien race attempting to conquer a weaker, swords-and-armor type world is a pretty great concept, but this film can't even keep the conceit clear for ten minutes. Again, it's quite clear nobody really cared.

This poster sells it as a sci-fi
-horror film. Note the prominence 
of the Glaive in the title

The performances are not great.  The lead character, Colwyn, played by the very pretty Ken Marshall, tries real hard to adopt an Errol Flynn vibe, but the tone doesn't fit.  The whole idea to go "swashbuckling" seems to have been Yates' idea, and everyone just went along with it.  Lysette Anthony is the Princess Peach of the situation, (again, either it's such a bog standard trope or that's where Super Mario Brothers got it from) and she's got this awful dubbed over voice because apparently the execs thought she sounded too young.  Ace character actor Freddie Jones is the comic relief in the Orko-like inept and cowardly spellweaver.  Liam Neeson and Robbie Coltrane (his voice also dubbed) both have small parts as land pirates recruited by Colwyn.  I think people in this are trying, but not necessarily caring that much. 

The He-Man and the Masters of the Universe cartoon, a year later, would find a more appealing balance of fantasy and sci-fi, and I have to wonder if this movie had even a slight bit of influence on the show or if the parallels I see are really just standard genre tropes.

As much as I don't like this movie - and I really don't like it - I'm quite fascinated by its existence.  It's hard to ignore a massive budget genre movie from this era because they're so rare, and when they fail one must really ask why.  I have laid out my assumptions, but I just want to keep digging.  This DVD my friend found in a box on someone's curbside does have a commentary track, and I'm quite certain some lazy Sunday afternoon soon, I'm getting into it.