ReWatch & New: Hitmen & Bodyguards & Wives

The Hitman's Bodyguard, 2017, Patrick Hughes (The Expendables 3) -- Netflix
The Hitman's Wife's Bodyguard, 2021, Patrick Hughes (Red Hill) -- download

Rather tragic that the last two movies I watch on my now dead TV are the above. Oh, don't get me wrong, I enjoyed the fuck out of them, but not exactly high brow. And yes, I am now sans TV, pondering the repair vs replacement options available to me. My previous TV, purchased about 10 years ago is working fine in a friend's apartment. This TV was about three years old. Planned obsolescence? No, just my luck of late.

Ryan Reynolds is currently his own monster marketing machine. Whether he is marketing his latest movie or selling gin, he always comes off as charming, crude and never not funny. But I am not sure how he chooses what he gets into. Sure, Six Underground sounded like a Reynolds-Bay match made in heaven, but fell so incredibly below expectations, despite the marketing being on point. And the coming, long delayed, Free Guy is doing a great job of keeping interest alive, despite a world wide pandemic. But other than the big ones, there is nothing standout. I guess, as long as he gets to do his non-stop quip delivery schtick, then he's in the movie.

My first time through the first movie, I was entirely "meh" about it. It was a fine flick, charming and ultra-violent, and Reynolds and Jackson played well off each other, and Hayek was an absolutely stupendously shocking foil. But this time through it, I much more enjoyed the frenetic action, the mix of slapstick and dialogue humour. It clicked better. I am thinking its the exact low brow I need right now.

Ryan Reynolds is Michael Bryce, triple-A rated bodyguard, top of his field. Then a client gets killed and everything goes downhill. But he perseveres, just with clients of ... lower calibre. Samuel L Jackson is Damian Kincaid, internationally infamous assassin captured by Interpol after they picked up his wife, Salma Hayek. They are leveraging Hayek against him, using him as a witness against Gary Oldman, the ruler of Belarus, in jail for war crimes against his own people. Reynold's ex-wife is an Interpol agent tasked with getting Kincaid from the UK to The Haag, to stand witness, when they are ambushed and only she & Kincaid survive. She is forced to call her ex for assistance. Aaaaand plot.

This is such a European highlight movie, almost a travelogue, but with Sam Jackson and Ryan Reynolds swearing non-stop the entire way. In fact, that might be a pretty decent travel series. The key to the interaction is that Reynolds sees himself as the Good Guy, and Jackson is very obviously the Bad Guy, as how else can you see an assassin who has killed thousands? But of course, the fun is found in the converse, where Kincaid is so incredibly likeable, while Bryce is more than a bit of a downer. This formula is pretty familiar, and really incredibly tired, but these two power personalities sell it. And all those locations!

The second flick is like a warped alter-ego of the first movie. Where in the first was over the top, funny and chaotic, the second takes place in an almost cartoon version of our world. This is a world where Greece has economic sanctions against it, and is ruled by a Bond-ian villain played by Antonio Banderas in a blonde hair piece -- they describe him as the progeny of Liberace and the curtains, but Kincaid puts it better. This is a world where bodyguards have yearly award events, and Bryce used to be the shoe-in winner. 

The movie picks up with Bryce still trying to regain his place in the bodyguarding world. He has fallen even further, as the "review board" didn't like that he protected an international assassin. His therapist sends him to Italy on sabbatical, to clear his head, and instructs him to avoid violence and killing. But that's alright, as Kincaid's wife, Sonia appears out of nowhere killing dozens of mooks demanding that Bryce help her rescue Damian.

Meanwhile, Liberace Curtains has stolen cyberpunk technology that can repurpose any electronics to disastrous purposes, and intends on using it against the European Union. American Interpol agent Frank Grillo is trying to foil his plans when Kincaid, Bryce and Sonia blunder into them. He somehow blackmails them all into working for him.

The first movie was about the dynamic between Kincaid and Bryce. This movie wants to be comedy Bond, as Liberace Curtains has a very Bond-villain attitude AND a doomsday weapon, but also expand that comedic dynamic to the trio. And while working, as all three are hilarious, it is also so extremely cartoonish, which diminishes it. Don't get me wrong, it's fun but I would have preferred if it stay a bit grounded. Sonia, who in the first was a violent foul mouthed perfect match for Kincaid, is now a near psychopathic killer, utterly obsessed with their marriage and becoming a mother. And she's more than a little unhinged. Meanwhile Bryce is so obsessed with returning to bodyguarding, he is entirely disconnected from reality. Kincaid is the unexpected straight man. But despite these quibbles, I did enjoy the ride. Again, probably just what I needed.