3ish Shortish Paragraphs: Willy's Wonderland

 2021, Kevin Lewis (The Drop) -- Netflix

If I already have a WFH tag, maybe I need to also have a WTF tag. This incredibly indie movie, with only Nick Cage to provide it some street cred, is so deep in the WTF Realm, it really can only be because of him. In fact, if this movie had been done with anyone else playing this role, it would have been just another Z-grade horror movie with barely any hints of creativity.

Nick Cage is driving his <insert fast American Made Car> fast and hard down a country road. Nick Cage is wearing leather, blackout shades and his hair & beard are so so SO dyed dark. People have asked me if I dye my hair, but really all they have to do is look at my beard to see what I should look like. My hair is scattered with gray hairs, but no, I do not dye. Nick definitely does.

So, Nick is driving his fast car when all four tires blow out. Spikes on the road. Not long after a tow truck with a Good Ol Boy shows up claiming kids stole the spikes from the Sheriff and are playing pranks. Back at the garage, Good Ol Boy claims a couple of thousand in repairs and claims Cash Only. Or Nick can pay it off cleaning up the local dead restaurant, Willy's Wonderland. Did I mention the two preambles? One, we see a woman running around in said resto, chased by evil.  She dies. Also, a young woman tries to burn down said resto and is caught by the Sheriff.

Nick accepts the terms, pulls on the Willy's Wonderland tshirt, and gets down to cleaning. In the resto fridge, he jams his pile of Punch Pop, probably some z-grade cola from nowhere. As said, he gets down to cleaning, but takes his regular labour law required breaks, by the timer set on his watch, and slams down another pop. Meanwhile the various mascots of the Chuck E Cheese style resto begin trying to kill Nick. And the arsonist from the preamble gathers her horny teen friends to rescue Nick from the Evil Inside the Resto, i.e. the mascots. The mascots don't have much luck, because Nick Cage.

So, here it is, a Z-grade indie horror movie with terrible acting and terrible effects and a recycled plot from nine thousand other movies. But it has Nick, Nick who might as well be called the Honey Badger as he just doesn't give a fuck. He sees monstrous, creepy mascots come at him, and he just smashes away at them until the oil/blood is spraying. Then he bags the thing, cleans up the newly made mess, and puts on a cleaner branded tshirt. Meanwhile the rest of the cast tries to carry off their bad movie.

You would think Nick Cage smashing mascots in his usual over the top Nick Cage way would be sufficient WTF, but did I mentioned Nick does not have a single line? He doesn't utter anymore than his familiar bestial cries of rage and LOTS of knowing glares full of rage & disbelief. Also, once Nick adds playing the branded pinball machine to his break routine, things get even weirder. The movie has a decent soundtrack of indie rock, punk and electronica which Nick seems aware of, and gyrates to, as he plays the pinball machine. Yep, full on Nick Cage.

In the end, Nick Cage, Defeater of Evil, kills all the mascots of evil (BTW, they had an appropriate Z-grade horror movie backstory) and all the humans who supported their evil killing ways. And he gets his car back, all repaired and fueled up, and sexy, underage teen arsonist hops into the car with Nick, hinting at just a few daddy issues, and they drive off into the evening.

Migawd that was grand & terrible.