Watching: House of the Dragon S1

2022, download

If I recall correctly, the original pitch for a "Game of Thrones" prequel was supposed to be set some thousand years before the first series. That was probably considered too much of a rift between what people already know & like and something new. Instead, this series is about two hundred years prior, while the Targaryens, a family line descended from magic-using & dragon-rearing Valyrians,  still reigned. 

That said, there are like 900 other spin-offs also "in production".

What 100. House Targaryen rules the land under Viserys. He has only a teenage daughter and needs an heir. His latest attempts kills his wife and newborn son. His dick brother Daemon thinks he should rule. His daughter Rhaenyra just wants a chance to prove herself. After her mother's death, her dad shacks up with her (also teenager) best friend. After much consternation, Rhaenyra agrees to marry a cousin, but is named heir (gasp!). Some time jumps later, her dad dies and his wife usurps the throne for her son, while Rhaenyra has married her uncle and plans a war to reclaim her crown.

1 Great. I struggle to find the great in this series, that I delayed in watching properly because I was so "meh" about the last few seasons of its origin show. So, I guess I will just have to make the easy choice, and say, "the dragons." This show takes place before the dragons became legends of the distant past, so House Targaryen, and cousins House Velaryon, are still known for raising and riding dragons. We get to see a lot of them in flight, and in fight mode. In a show that is mostly British-period-style political machinations, its nice to be reminded it is a fantasy show with the mighty terror of the dragons.

1 Good. Most of the show is not bad, and not scream-at-the-TV annoying like the last few seasons of Game of Thrones (this blog started when that show started; how the fuck did we never write about it?!?). So, I guess that covers the good? It is decent in pandering to what made the original series popular with the broader audience -- lots of politic-ing both in the throne room and in the bedrooms. The characters are all challenging and strongly built, with few weighing on the perfectly good or perfectly bad sides. If I was to say I had a favourite character, it would have to be Daemon, because he was always such a scene-chewing bastard even when he was doing things I hated. Matt Smith embraced the debauchery of his Targaryen character's family line, and he just did as he saw fit, even after numerous times having it just not work out.

1 Bad. The first series got lots of ick-vs-titillation (?!?!? seriously?) via the incestuous brother & sister coupling from the Lanyards... cough... excuse me, the Lannisters. And it is said quite clearly in the predecessor series that the Targaryens practiced incestual breeding in order to keep Valyrian blood in the family, and strong. So, despite being content accurate, I did not need to see the weird attraction between teen Rhaenyra and her 30ish uncle Daemon. It all just seems to be played up to cause an uncomfortable thrill in the audience, which is a weird & odd choice, given the show dials back majorly on the tits & full frontal, like every second scene, from the origin show.

Further meta, though I usually do what Kent does in his "Meta" section at the beginning, but I had one further thing to mention. Opening Credits. We all remember the theme score and the wonderful animated toy-machine-map for the original series. They majorly cheaped out in this show by re-using the music, not even a different mix, and building an entirely boring opening sequence. Meh's continue.

Knowing is half the battle: G.I. Joe: A Real American Hero and G.I. Joe: The Movie

G.I. Joe A Real American Hero Seasons 1&2 (95 episodes, 1983-1986, DVD) 

G.I. Joe: The Movie (1987, 

As a lad of the 1980s, of course I had a few G.I. Joe action figures and vehicles, but they weren't my focal or go-to toy line. Star Wars, Super Powers and Masters of the Universe all were far more dominant in my play cycle. I had a best friend across town with whom I would play Joes when there were sleepovers at his place (we would play Star Wars when the sleepovers were at my place), and I had a neighbour two doors down I played with who had more Joe stuff (and just more stuff) than anyone I knew.

I mainly had a few Joes kicking around just to contribute something when playing with these friends, I doubt if I even had a dozen figures. The only vehicles I had were the H.A.V.O.C. and the Maggot, acquired late in my toy-playing adolescence (age 10 to 11-ish), and by that point my friends were distancing themselves from playing with toys (the saddest transition in life...cue the sad Randy Newman song) and it would be another year or so before I would give it up (despite not really wanting to).

Perhaps the reason I only had this passing interest in G.I. Joe was a result of the cartoon not airing on local Thunder Bay (or even cable) television when I was growing up. As a syndicated series it would be up to either one of the Canadian networks (CBC/CTV), or one of the three Minnesota-then-Detroit affiliates we were patched into for NBC/ABC/CBS to acquire and broadcast the show, and to my knowledge none did. (All the Joe fans I knew in my hometown seemed to find their investment through the comics, and I was too fixated on DC superheroes to let Joe comics take up space in my collection.)

At some point in my teen years, I acquired a copy of G.I. Joe: The Movie on videocassette and if I watched it more than once I would be surprised. I...didn't get it. Who were these characters? What was this Cobra-La fantasy garbage?

When Lady Kent and I were getting to know one another, I learned that Joes were one of her nostalgia tugs, having had a massive Joe collection (via her younger brother) and avidly watched the cartoon (clearly something more accessible in her Toronto-area broadcasts). I bought her the complete G.I. Joe: A Real American Hero DVD set when it came out in the late 2000s, and I don't even recall if it was a birthday or Christmas gift, or if it was just a spontaneous "love you" gift. Lady Kent wound up curating some episodes for my viewing pleasure, but beyond the character Dusty calling a middle eastern person a "camel jockey" (oof) not much really stuck with me. 

I've read many, many Joe comics since those days, and seen the live action movies, watched some of the other cartoons, and I've been collecting G.I. Joe Classified Series figures since 2020 so I'm *not* not-a-fan anymore, but the cartoon remained a pretty big gap. So, in the June lull of new TV, I suggested to Lady Kent we do a complete rewatch, and she was more than in.

We skipped the five-episode mini-series, since it's not her favourite story, and dove into the second five-episode mini, "The MASS Device", I had to admit that I really enjoyed seeing an 1980's kids cartoon explore serialized storytelling. I mean, it's not refined storytelling by any stretch as it's still serving the dual purpose of selling toys and appealing to kids, but for what it was, it was quite enjoyable.

It was the five-episode arc that kicks off the A Real American Hero series proper, "The Pyramid of Darkness" where I think I truly came to appreciate the show and its creative team. At one point, Snake Eyes, the mute ninja commando long considered the most badass character in all of Joe lore, enlists the aide of a pop star named Satin to help him elude a Cobra patrol. In doing so, Snake Eyes, his pet wolf, Timber, and fellow Joe Shipwreck's pet parrot, Polly, all don disguises found on the bus and it's gloriously stupid as well as utterly hilarious.

It was then I came to understand that the talented writers of the show were not creating serious adventures for adult viewers, but rather absurd stories that would entertain themselves and the rest of the writing staff. A solid 40% of "A Real American Hero" is just straight off-the-wall bonkers storytelling with the writers clearly aware of everything they were doing and getting away with. This will make sense to comic fans, as story editor for season 1, Steve Gerber, was also the creator/writer of Howard the Duck, an irreverent satirical comic in an era dense in superhero staunchness.

Produced by Marvel Productions with Sunbow Entertainment, the animation is richly detailed with all the nuances of the action figures and vehicles, which must have driven the animators nuts. These are not simple designs. 

The first full season was 55 episodes, with the follow-up season clocking in at 30 episodes, and in that labor-intensive output there were bound to be slip-ups... and there are plenty. Mis-timed dialogue at times make it look like the wrong character is speaking with the voice of another (or mouthing the words along with them like a bad actor). Sequences clearly worked on by multiple animators will abruptly change styles throughout the edits of the sequence, or certain characters will swap places, or a character's costume will change entirely back-and-forth between cuts. These things are an absolute delight to spot and make it really fun to pay close attention.

Perhaps the most intriguing aspect about A Real American Hero is that there's no main character, there's a rotating cast of leads that get mixed and matched throughout. I realize I'm no expert on 80's boys adventure animation but I think this is pretty rare. Usually there's at least a focal character to pivot the show around... like I don't know that there's a single episode of He-Man and the Masters of the Universe without He-Man...even if they center an episode around another character, He-Man still pops up. There's nobody called "G.I. Joe" to pivot this show around.

Even "leaders" like Duke or Flint are frequently absent for episodes on end as we focus on a Shipwreck adventure or Airborne, or Quick Kick (these character-specific episodes typically involved a family member getting entangled in a Cobra plot). It's a rotating door, and while that's jarring at first, it does create a sort of "anything goes" sensibility that I wound up really liking, and beyond that it creates a core group of about 15-20 characters that we see mixed-and-matched throughout the first season, and we generally like most of these protagonist figures.

The bad guy side was disappointingly more limited. While Cobra Commander, Destro and Baroness would have grand machinations that would be foiled by the Joes, half the time it was just freelancer Zartan and his dipshit Dreadnoks who were the antagonists for the Joes, and boy did those turds get real tired pretty quickly. The biggest ongoing joys were the routinely petty exchanges between Cobra Commander and Destro, which is why it was always a drag when we would see the Three Stooges antics of the Dreadnoks instead. Where the cast of Joes was sprawling, named Cobra characters seemed quite constrained.

Everything changed in the second season, starting with the five-part "Arise, Serpentor, Arise" which saw Cobra Commander's command of Cobra get usurped by the genetically designed superhuman Serpentor. CC wound up taking a backseat, and so he and Destro only appear in a handful of the 30 season 2 episodes. (At least Serpentor, and his right-hand aide, the pervert Dr. Mindbender, was just as jolly as as all 80's villains, cackling maniacally at any opportunity.)

Similarly the cast we'd become so familiar with in Season 1 are largely rotated out in favour of all new characters who feel either like carbon copies of characters we already have or are just less developed. It wouldn't have been so bad if it weren't so abrupt. "Arise, Serpentor, Arise" sidelines both Flint and Duke in favour of Hawk and pro-wrestler/drill instructor Sergeant Slaughter, and somehow perpetually balaclava'd Beachhead is third in charge, where I think Scarlett was in that position the prior season.

The first season admirably had three female badass protagonists in Scarlett, Lady Jaye and Cover Girl, and it really seemed like Scarlett and Lady Jaye were right at the head of the food chain as respected leaders (except by Shipwreck, who seemed incapable of not making a pass any anything with curves, but the ladies thankfully didn't take his b.s.), so it seemed like a real demotion for them when all these new characters like Sci-Fi and Cross Country (sporting a confederate flag on his belt, eep) started taking up all the oxygen. On the Cobra side, all of Baroness' master-of-disguise roles were eaten up by Zartan's sister Zarana.

The battles in the series are ridiculous, but enjoyable so. Blue and red laser beams fly across the screen from sci-fi guns, H.I.S.S. tanks and trouble bubbles and sky strikers and rattlers.  The toys are up on screen and it is quite fantastic. The vehicles seem to explode at the slightest provocation (both Cobra and G.I. Joe's budgets must be astronomical, explains why Cobra needs to hold a telethon in a fantastically absurd mid-second season episode) but the animators make pains to show everyone always escaping every exploding ride (maybe it was just to sell toy parachutes). The fact that there's never any casualties have led Lady Kent and I to speculate that every Cobra vs Joe battle is a prearranged gathering with playground rules applying.

The series developed some good romantic relationship dynamics, with Duke and Scarlett and Flint and Lady Jaye paired off, but some of the characters wind up in relationships with people outside the Joe team who make subsequent appearances. And in one of the all-time episodes Mainframe and Zarana make a real star-crossed connection that pays off again in a later episode. And, of course, Destro and Baroness (if you kissed Destro in the winter would your lips freeze to his?)

As I've noted, there are a few characters/traits/design choices/casting decisions/lines of dialogue that don't age well, but by and large the show was actively multicultural by design and overall pretty inoffensive for the time. The writers seemed keen to push the boundaries of absurdity rather than push for topical humour.

Season 2 ended with 1987's G.I. Joe: The Movie hot on its heels. Originally intended as a theatrical release, it got scuttled when Hasbro's prior animated movies (Transformers: The Movie and My Little Pony) were tanking at the box office. So The Movie went straight to home video instead, with a most notable change. There was a pretty heady outcry from the Transformers fanbase when they killed off Optimus Prime in Transformers: The Movie (spoilers!), so when Duke was to go out in a blaze of glory in G.I. Joe: The Movie, instead he fell comatose only to awaken off screen in the film's conclusion.

G.I. Joe: The Movie opens with a newly composed version of the G.I. Joe theme song, this time with added bars to give voice to the Cobra side of the battle. The song amps up the volume a notch or two and the singer (can't find the credit) really, really, really belts out the final bar, just holding that "O" singing "G.I. Joe" for an epic length of time.  

The animated opening to season 1 and the revised intro to season 2 were both much better animated than the main series, and they each represented an epic battle between Joes and Cobra, with the Joes ultimately victorious. This level of animation from those openings is about what G.I. Joe: The Movie's animation is like, so it's pretty quality stuff. But the animated opening for The Movie is next level, and it's so action-packed and frenetic, the camera swooping through the big-screen-worthy action, it can be too much to take in. It's unfortunate, but between the super-glossy action and the ultra-rousing theme, the opening is the film's peak, and it's all downhill down a rocky slope from there.

It's not a rapid decline at first, with the first few minutes being eaten up by a battle and then, following Cobra's loss, petty bickering between Cobra Commander and Serpentor, complete with betrayal from CC's most trusted aides, Destro and Baroness (love those petty bitches), but when we make it back to Joe headquarters, Hasbro decided rather than gently incorporating some new characters in the mix of already beloved crew, they would just force feed us a new quintet (Jinx, Tunnel Rat, Chuckles, Big Lob, and Law & Order) and center the movie around Duke's godawful half-brother Falcon, who should be tried for crimes no less than treason, insubordination, sexual harassment, reckless endangerment, and just being an entitled prick (he's voiced by Don Johnson, so they wanted the name talent to be the central figure). As soon as the film turns its focus on this crew, it's cooked, and can't recover.

Subject to much mockery by Joe fans for ages, I find the Cobra-La aspect of G.I. Joe: The Movie much more palatable, even if this ultra-fantasy/sci-fi stuff doesn't quite fit seamlessly with the military/espionage angles of the series. Characters like Golobulous, Nemesis Enforcer and Pythona are comic book supervillains with superpowers, and their bug-like alien society with their tekno-organic vehicles and weapons seem to vastly overpower the Joes, but that's what makes them interesting as an amped-up adversary for a movie...it takes the threat to another level. And as much as the designs aren't military-esque in the typical G.I. Joe toy fashion, they are pretty wild and well done.

Where the detour the film takes early on with its new Joe cast stalled momentum, the film's late second act  detour into a similar situation just kills it outright. A washed-out Falcon is sent to train under Sergeant Slaughter and they introduce yet another 3 or 4 new characters we will spend even less time getting to know. It was all about toy sales, this film, and it's very easy to understand why it wasn't well received. Despite the glossiness of the animation, it has so little of the panache of the regular series even at its worst.

What's most surprising about G.I. Joe: The Movie is that A Real American Hero was normally at its best running multi-part, larger-scale story lines. There are four five-part story arcs in the series and a number of two-part episode, so the writers already knew how to do larger-scale stories. The Movie doesn't feel like an assembly of five episodes, but I wonder if it would have worked better if it were. And it didn't end with one of G.I. Joe's famous public service announcements, which seems a missed opportunity to talk about the dangers of concussions.

This was the last animated G.I. Joe film, surprisingly. There have been three underwhelming live-action G.I. Joe movies in the past 15 years, but not another animated one. (Everyone's still dreaming of that G.I. Joe/Transformers animated movie.)  

Following G.I. Joe: The Movie, the production of the ongoing animated series moved from Marvel/Sunbow to DIC, which effectively ended the first generation of G.I. Joe cartoons. The DIC cartoons were more cheaply made, and the reduction in quality seemed to have led it to being pushed aside and treated even less favourably than later Joe animated productions, while A Real American Hero remains quite well beloved and well-regarded by fans, and remains a pretty accessible and fun entry point to the toys and mythology.

Now you know. 

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Favourite Episodes:

"The Pyramid of Darkness" (5 parts, pure ridiculousness)

"The Greenhouse Effect" (it's Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs, but with G.I. Joe)

"Lights, Camera, Cobra!" (Cobra attacks the filming of a G.I. Joe movie)

"Cobra's Candidate" (uh... did this set the template for the alt-right incursion into politics? Gross)

"Money to Burn" (Cobra destroys all physical currency then issues their own Cobra bucks)

"Worlds Without End" (2-Parts, G.I. Joe goes to a parallel world where Cobra rules)

"Eau du Cobra" (Destro develops a mind control perfume in an effort to steal an heiress' riches)

"Memories of Mara" (the Joes discover Cobra is making fish-people, and Shipwreck falls for one of them)

"The Wrong Stuff" (It's like SCTV, but the "C" stands for "Cobra")

"Cold Slither" (Cobra plans to take over the world with a one-hit wonder rock band comprised of Dreadnoks)

"Computer Complicatoins" (Mainframe and Zarana meet cute)

"Cobrathon" (Cobra holds a telethon)

"Ninja Holiday" (Cobra Commander looks to have Serpentor assassinated)

"The Most Dangerous Thing in the World" (Cobra hacks the military systems and promotes three inept Joes to being in charge)

"Nightmare Assault" (Dr. Mindbender's nightmare machine leads to some disturbing cartoonery)

"Joes Night Out" (The night club is a Cobra rocket!)

"Not a Ghost of a Chance" (Predicting alt-right disinformation tactics. Gross)

"Into Your Tent I Will Silently Creep" (the inspiration for Community's "Bottle Episode"?)

Summer Chills: Abigail

2024, Matt Bettinelli-Olpin, Tyler Gillett (Ready or Not) -- download

We usually reserve horror-ish movies for the "31 Days of Halloween" but sometimes we are just in the mood for something Halloween-ish.

Two things. One, I am not all that bothered by spoilers any longer; after The Matrix was spoiled for me, I got over it. But Two, I really am annoyed by movies that set themselves up with a "you are not supposed to know _____" in the opening act, yet still base their entire marketing campaigns on telling your what _____ was. Like, are we still so stuck on particular formulas to screenplay writing that we have to write the "oooooo, you will never see this coming" but immediately toss it away as unnecessary? 

So, in case you are not me, and dislike being spoiled, skip reading the post now.

The little girl they kidnap is a vampire. I mean, its the fucking premise of the movie.

Again, that said, knowing didn't ruin anything to me, and waiting for the characters to get there was kind of fun. In fact, that they go quickly into the, "ok, so she's a fucking vampire, how do we deal with THAT?!?!?" is hilarious. That said, its not really a comedy, but a funny, action, horror-ish movie.

Six low-rent criminals follow the entourage of an obviously very rich little girl after her ballet practice,  back to her penthouse and kidnap her. They then drive her back to a mysterious mansion in the countryside. We have the thug Peter (Kevin Durand, Swamp Thing), the sleazebag wheelman Dean (Angus Cloud, Euphoria), punk hacker Sammy (Kathryn Newton, Freaky), sniper Rickles (William Catlett, Black Lightning), boss Frank (Dan Stevens, Legion) and all-around support Joey (Melissa Barrera, Scream). Yes, those are the names of the Rat Pack; low-rent criminals use aliases.

FYI the two names you don't recognize are Joey Bishop and Peter Lawford; if you knew who they were, your Rat Pack game is bigger than mine. Congrats.

Once inside the mansion they are instructed to bide their time while the fixer who arranged this job gets the ransom money. Joey, the pretty criminal, is tasked with being the only face the little girl, Abigail (Alisha Weir, Wicked Little Letters), will see and is meant to keep the girl calm & safe. In turn Abigail fucks with Joey, telling her father doesn't care about her, and apologizes as to what is going to come next. Frank is not thrilled about this ominous comment, and violently confronts Abigail, after which she reveals her father is the notorious crimelord Kristoff Lazaar. Apparently he is scary enough to make them all shit their pants.

Then sleazebag Dean gets his head ripped off, and they all assume it has to be the notorious enforcer who works for crimeboss Lazaar. Technically they are right. They confront Abigail only to find her mouth full of fangs. Also, they cannot get out of the house -- its all locked down.

The antics of survival are fun, amidst the chaos of dealing with a monster that looks like a 10 year old girl in a ballerina outfit. They believe they only have to survive until dawn, when the fixer will arrive with the ransom money. It takes them a long time to understand this was the plan all along -- there was no kidnapping plot -- they were kidnapped and are food and the basement pool full of decaying bodies says Abigail has been doing this a long long time.

It was a romp, which is pretty much what I said for the last movie we saw from the directors (Ready or Not), which was also a step outside the "31 Days of Halloween" tradition and was also a survival horror trapped inside a house. Weird parallels.

3 Short Paragraphs (Or Not): Wicked Little Letters

2023, Thea Sharrock (Me Before You) -- download

The click click click will always, eventually, cycle round to a "semi-historical British comedy". Sometimes they are "feel good" movies, sometimes they are just there to make you chuckle or ponder some social injustice. This particular movie concerns the concept of a "poison pen letter", a turn of the 20th century concept that apparently took hold in the US and UK, enough that laws had to be enacted. Essentially people were writing, by hand or by typewriter, really nasty letters to other people, slanderous and hurtful, always anonymous, purely for the... fun of it?

Insert some commentary on Twitter, or social media in general. No, that's not a placeholder; go ahead, insert your own commentary!

In the 20s in Littlehampton, UK, someone is writing letters to devout spinster Edith Swan (Olivia Colman, The Bear): naughty things full of profanity and sexual innuendo. There have been 19 by the time the movie gets underway. Of course, she talks to the police and sits the blame squarely on her less than devout neighbour Rose Gooding (Jessie Buckley, I'm Thinking of Ending Things): a single mother, recently from Ireland, after her husband died in the war. Rose is a good target, for she drinks, is rowdy, has a really foul mouth, and is shacked up with (gasp!) a black man.

The police are less than diligent with their investigation and arrest Rose. Woman Police Constable Gladys Moss (Anjana Vasan, We Are Lady Parts) sees things don't sit quite right, but being the region's only female police officer, nobody listens to her. So, secretly she begins a real investigation, during which we, the viewers, get to see that it is Edith herself penning the poison letters, in a rather neurotic response to her domineering father's control of her life.  

Its always good fun watching Olivia Colman act all devilish, especially once you eventually hear the torrent of ill used profanity spill forth from her mouth. Rose ends up being rather impressed, but disappointed considering much of Edith's slurs don't make much sense. Rose knows how to swear, proper like. I wouldn't say anything about this movie is incredibly novel, after all its a formula we are seeking to satisfy a craving, but the performances and pacing were all solid.   

1-1-1 KsMIRT: no room for June

K'sMIRT is Kent's Month in Reviewing Television, where each month (or mebbe twice each month?!?) I step through the TV series I completed watching each month in the 1 Great-1 Good-1 Bad format.  These are shows I finished (or was finished with) in the past few weeks two months. 

This Month:
Star Wars: The Acolyte Season 1(?) - Disney+ (8 episodes)
The Bear Season 3 - Disney+ (10 episodes)
Derry Girls Seasons 1-2 - Netflix (12 episodes)
Resident Alien Season 3 - CTV Sci-Fi/SyFy

I have, in recent months, been very reluctant to start watching any new TV series. The commitment to watching 5, 10 or 20 hours seems wildly unappealing to me now. The 2023 writers and actors strikes finally took its toll and new show starts this spring and summer have been at, like, a quarter volume of what they were a year ago. That's not necessarily a bad thing, as there has been too much content being cranked out since the streaming wars began in 2019. But with less choice, it also seems like we're being left to contend with the dregs. I know that's not true, but sometimes it's hard to escape the feeling. 

On a personal side, there's been a lot of sadness and tragedy this year, a lot of stress and a few changes that have occupied my brain space. I don't think I'm terribly receptive to long-form, dour murder shows (Natalie Portman's new Lady in the Lake looks good but I'm not able to psych myself up to watch it) and all the nerdy fantasy/sci-fi stuff like House of Dragons, Interview with a Vampire, Silo I already passed on last year and really don't feel like playing catch up.

My preference is easy, fluffy distraction. I can watch Taskmaster all day every day in all its many forms (I'm about ready for a full rewatch), I have gotten really into the Olympics after a few days of not paying any attention (all the beauty and the bloodshed), and we thought a binge watch of nearly 100 episodes of the old G.I. Joe cartoon was a smashing idea (and it was).  These are the shows that I've watched over the past two months (except Resident Alien which I watched months ago, but thought it was just on a  break, only to learn the season was indeed only 8 episodes long).

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Star Wars: The Acolyte Season 1 

The What 100: 100 years before The Phantom Menace, in the age of the High Republic, child-of-force witches Mae is out for revenge on the Jedi for what happened to her and her coven in the past. Her twin sister, Osha, was taken (some might say rescued, but some might be wrong) by the Jedi and trained, only to leave the order for a quiet mechanic's life. Osha's former master, Sol, brings her back into the fold on the hunt for Mae, only to discover there's an even darker force pulling her strings and to find the Jedi have a dark secret of their own....

(1 Great): Lee Jung-jae as Jedi Master Sol delivers an incredible performance. He carries himself with wisdom and gravitas, while also being compassionate and caring. He is everything a Jedi Master should be, and yet he harbours a secret, a secret he's been keeping from Osha for years, and it's only in Mae's return does it come to the surface. [Mild spoiler] In the revelation of his secret, and the secret shared by all the Jedi Mae and her dark master have killed, it's not that we see Sol as an evil person, but a truly complex man who made an error or two in judgement and rationalized his actions to himself. Lee Jung-jae's performance throughout the show (which he learned English for) is so endearing that even when he reveals everything you can't help but feel for him, even with what we know. His tormented confession, when the wracking pain and guilt he's suppressing come to the surface, his tortured questioning of his own belief in the validity of his actions... it's a powerful, powerful moment that sticks with me.

(1 Good): There's a lot of good in this good show, but I will state that there are a couple of pivots this show makes that really surprised and delighted me.  The first is in the fourth episode that is largely one big fight. Mae and her dark master take on a squad of Jedi and, despite the constrained surroundings on a more limited TVstreaming budget, it's a very epic lightsaber fight, and it's pretty well executed. Again, a limited TVstreaming budget means it's not perhaps cinematic, but it's choreographed very well, it's shot well enough but it's the editing, cutting between different events happening at once which sells it all so well. Plus, some things happen that I really wasn't expecting.

(1 Bad): I'm still wrestling with how I feel about how the show was structured. Episodes 3 and 7 were both flashback episodes, telling the story of the Jedi's encounter with Mae and Osha's coven from two different points of view. These flashbacks are the full episode and interrupt the narrative flow of the main story.  These are total "show-not-tell" moments, and is the instigating incident that spirals into the events of the series, but I can't help but wonder if they would have been better served scattered throughout the series, ala Lost's flashbacks.  As well, the choice to not sustain any true mystery (beyond Sol's guilty deeds) was a clever decision, but at a certain point, I was saying to myself "oh, we're not going to tease this out either"? Like, is Osha the killer, no, by the end of the first episode we know it's her twin Mae. Who is Mae's dark master? Exactly who we think it is and it doesn't take long to figure it out. And more

Meta: I wanted to make the "bad" the discourse around this show, but that's really the "meta" of it all, and doesn't represent the quality of the show at all. There are, loosely considered, four camps to Star Wars: (1) toxic "fanboys" of the alt-right variety who think a universe full of fishmen, bug people and Wookies should for some reason not include people of any skin tone other than pale, and are very loud about it on the internet, (2) old-heads who think Star Wars=Luke, Han, and Leia and anything else is an unforgivable violation worth being angry over, (3) actual Star Wars fans who just like seeing new Star Wars (some who are more forgiving of quality than others), (4) the general populace who just watch Star Wars sometimes and have little to no ongoing investment in it.  Star Wars has thankfully given up on trying to appeal to the first group, as they should. At a certain point they will have to move past appealing to the second group, because the actors are either old or dead, and recasting has proven to be a quagmire. So Star Wars is left with the rest, which, frankly, is not insignificant, but it requires a difficult balance between appealing to the nerds who really want to dive into the shit the universe has to offer, and keeping things accessible and simple enough that the casual viewer can join.

I think The Acolyte did very well at striving for an appealing, character-based story that could satisfy both the fan and the general public.  The setting of the High Republic era has been "fans-only" terrain since it started appearing in books and comics a few years ago, but bringing it to live action brings this whole new style and type of Jedi-as-space-cops era to the public at large. I like the reinvisioning of Star Wars technology but 100 years earlier. There are less droids around, and the ones there are seem more simplistic. The space ships are bulkier and seem slower, but I really like the designs the show presents even if none stick particularly large in memory.  The story starting sort of as a murder mystery, or police procedural was an interesting and smart way to rope an audience in. I would love a Jedi-driven "Law & Order in space" type procedural, but I get why the investment is too high for an "of-the-week" type show like that.

I liked the show quite a bit. I spent much of the series paying attention to the structure trying to determine if it was a series or a mini-series, and I'm still not certain. It definitely concludes its story premise, but it also sets up more character things and universe building. If it's a mini-series, then a sequel mini-series is definitely needed. If it's ongoing, then season 2 has to be a hard pivot in terms of tone and structure, given the resolutions. Or, it's entirely possible it all just gets picked up into books and comics and doesn't see any more live action, which would be a shame. This series seemed like an affirmed middle finger to the trolls, and I would like that to continue.

---

The Bear Season 3

The What 100: The Bear, the restaurant, is up and running. But as busy as they are, it's not a success...yet. Carmy struggles with what he's given up to make the restaurant a success, and can't tell which of the lessons he learned as an up-and-coming chef are the ones he needs in his kitchen. He's also warring with Ritchie, while remaining unaware that Sydney is feeling overshadowed and is contemplating her long-term commitment. Sugar is stressed trying to hold the back-end together while very, very pregnant, and Uncle Jimmy is threatening to pull the plug if the big review from the Tribune they know is coming is bad. Tina is trying to bring something more to her role, while Marcus reels from his mother's passing. Things get tense, like...always.

(1 Great): This third season of the show is perhaps its most assured, and yet also its weakest (we'll get to why shortly), but it never stops being compelling.  This cast is nothing short of phenomenal every episode, and you never know who will be the episode's MVP because they're (almost) all capable (I don't know that Matty Matheson or Ricky Staffieri as the Fak brothers are going to capture MVP status, despite being reliably great comic relief [your mileage on the Faks may vary, but I enjoyed them always]). The winner of the season though is, once again, Jamie Lee Curtis as Carmy and Sugar's mom Donna. Her appearance in last season's flashback episode "Fishes" was probably the best performance on TV last year and bound to get Jamie Lee halfway to her EGOT, and she's just as great in this season's "Ice Chips", where Sugar, suddenly in labor, can't get hold of anyone else. What we know of Donna is reflected in every mention of her in the show. She is a difficult person with mental health issues that have traumatized her children, so she's obviously the most terrible choice for Sugar to call, except there's always more to someone besides their disability... and "Ice Chips" is triumphantly heartwarming while constantly heartbreaking at the same time. 

(1 Good): The opening episode of the season, "Tomorrow", is not dialogue free, but it might as well be a silent film. It's a montage running across 37 minutes that takes cuts between past and present, showing the fallout of season 2's finale, and vignettes of Carmy's entire career as a chef.  It's all mood, all vibes, accompanied by the tranquil-yet-haunting tones of Nine Inch Nails' "Together" (which is yet another reminder of just how built Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross are for soundtrack work). It's tormented and beautiful, and one of the most unexpected episodes of TV that reminds us the golden age might be over but there's still going to be great television. 

(1 Bad): I'm still not certain whether this was Season 3 or the first half of Season 3. Reports seem to conflict one another. But either case, presenting these ten episodes, in the manner they did, with the ending as it played out ...well, it was frustrating. The season sets up a lot, and resolves none, other than Sugar's pregnancy. We do have a lot better understanding of the characters (we get a wonderful flashback episode focusing on Tina and how she wound up at the Original Beef, assuredly directed by Ayo Edibiri) but it comes at the expense of progress. To leave the show where it did, with nearly every plot thread dangling was a bit of a slap in the face to the audience and then telling us "you like that". It's sadistic.  Episodes 6 and 9, particularly, feel like filler episodes, even though they're not. They're more like catch-up episodes with more workplace engagement from the whole cast, bringing everyone together where the episodes in between feel more singularly or individual-focused.

Meta: I am an anxious person. It's not crippling, but it's always there and it does sometimes make it very hard to get through the day. The Bear is a show about opening and operating a high end restaurant which comes with a lot of pressure and stress, and it conveys that very well. Too well. It's triggering. It sets my anxiety off each episode, to varying degrees. But it's beautiful because it's intent is not just triggering the anxiety in the audience, but examining the effects of anxiety, trauma, grief, and other psychological impacts on its characters, showing both the triumphs in working past these issues, and the failures in succumbing to them or not being able to see past them.  It's a show, I hope, that is ultimately about healing, about learning to grow, about resilience, about self-discovery, about coping, and about acceptance of self and others. There are hints throughout that it's the journey it wants to be on, but it is a character-driven show and not everyone is able to move past or through their issues.  We shall see, but the journey has been worth it so far.

---

Derry Girls Season 1-2
The What 100: Set in Derry, Northern Ireland, the show follows four teen girls and one teen boy as they navigate their family, their all-girls catholic high school, and The Troubles in the mid-1990s. It's a comedy. 

(1 Great): Siobhán McSweeney plays Sister George Michael (like Arrested Development, the name is George Michael, but there's no joke there beyond it just being her name), the headmistress of the all-girls Catholic School who seems to downright loathe everything she has to do and everyone she has to deal with. She has no patience, and no filter. Her inside thoughts are always outside and she doesn't really seem to care. At first she appears to be the stern headmistress that everyone's rightfully afraid of, but it becomes quite evident that she's not bitter and angry, she's just over all of it and doesn't even want to have to deal with any of it. She's prtty cool, for a nun. She is the Fonzie of the series, not really humanized to a great degree, just a comedy-generating machine that never seems to fail.

(1 Good): The best joke of the series is part of the set up of the show. Best friends Erin, Claire, Michelle and Erin's cousin Orla are saddled with Michelle's English-raised cousin James after his mother gets a divorce, returns from London to Derry, only to promptly turn around, and leave James behind. James, being raised (and sounding) English in Northern Ireland is basically walking with a huge target on his back, and so, in order to keep the poor boy safe, he's sent to the his cousin's all-girls Catholic school instead of the usual all-boys one. And they don't have a boys bathroom. The Derry Girls clique he's by default fallen into, at least for the first season, mock him senselessly, being utterly dismissive of anything his English-sounding voice has to say, and actor Dylan Llewellyn has the best resting perplexed face.

(1 Bad): The season length of Derry Girls is only 6 episodes so it's unfortunate when they use one of these precious slots for retreads of tired comedy tropes like an Irish-Asian student transferring to their school to be fetishized by the girls as an outsider they need to take in (it would be different if the girl, from Donegal, after all the well-intentioned-but-still-micro-aggressions she faced, wound up as part of the ongoing cast, but no she's off the show by the end of the episode), or  the fake out of one of the titular Girls leaving the show only to triumphantly return at the end of the episode.  

The show is at its best when its using its settings - the Catholic school, The Troubles, Northern Ireland, the 1990s - to do things that are unique to those settings. The Catholic school does a lot of charity things which sees the Girls get competitive with other girls and each other, or when they have an exchange where refugees from Chernobyl come to stay with them for a brief stint.  Learning about the Protestant "Orange Walks" and finding the cast attempting to evacuate Derry while the riotous celebration takes place, only to find an IRA lad in the boot of the car outside the city... what other show is going to find the comedy there? And using the time period to have the girls run away to see a Take That concert in Belfast, or to welcome Bill Clinton to town with knock-off American flags sold by their thrifty convenience store clerk, the show generally use its settings to pretty great effect.

Meta: My wife loves Derry Girls, and has watched through the series a number of times.  She implored that I should watch it, and that I would enjoy it. She's not wrong. I don't think I've slipped into the same rabid love for it that she has, but I do find it charming and the cast are all pretty great. Saoirse-Monica Jackson who plays the lead character Erin has one of the best reactionary faces on television (which she's also putting to great use in The Decameron at the moment). The Rick-and-Jerry-like relationship between Erin's dad Gerry (Tommy Tiernan) and Grandfather Joe (Ian McElhinney) is a never-fail dynamic (even when Gerry does something wonderful, Joe is right there to cut him off at the knees). Erin's cousin Orla (Louisa Harland) is a complete space cadet, but so is her mother (Kathy Kiera Clarke) so she comes by it honestly (I'm not sure how seven people live comfortably in that house either). And the show has the cutest baby who delivers some of the wildest reaction shots which I know are completely happenstance but, just wonderful when they happen. It could be 20 different babies for all I know. I'm not paying that close attention.

As a huge old fan of Father Ted, I love all the Catholic jokes in here that are absolutely inspired by the 90s show. It's not as irreverent as Father Ted overall, but it's certainly finding that space of being loving, critical, and absurd about all the Catholic ...stuff.

While I still have 7 episodes of season 3 to watch, it's sometimes bizarre to me how UK/Irish sitcom seasons are sooo short, especially when they're so successful, like this one. I'm always surprised that when they're so huge that the second or third seasons aren't at least double the length.  As stands, Derry Girls is only 19 episodes long in total, which isn't even as many episodes as one season of The Office or Seinfeld, yet is probably just as beloved in the UK/Ireland as those shows are Stateside.

---

Resident Alien Season 3

The What 100: Harry and Asta have learned that the Grey Aliens are secretly colonizing the Earth and have been diligently working at shaping the ecology to be more habitable to them (ultimately making it inhospitable to humans). Despite working with the black ops alien-tracking division of the military, Harry keeps this from them. Meanwhile, one of the Grays goes on a date with Asta. D'arcy faces her demons. Ben and Kate are both victims of repeated abductions (Kate having had her baby stolen and mindwiped into forgetting she was even pregnant), but as they each become aware of their history, they hide it from one another...and when Harry finds out, he typically manipulative. Liv begins exploring her own history with UFOs, and Buck finds, and loses, love...as does Harry.

(1 Great): As always, Alan Tudyk's Harry Vanderspeigle is a non-stop, gut busting comedy machine. His now willful ignorance of societal norms, his ridiculous turns-of-phrases, and his general selfishness and pettiness are a non-stop delight. He could easily be a detestable character, given his traits, but portrayed by Tudyk as a simpleton give him all the leeway (despite the fact that he's kind of a genius in other ways). 

(1 Good): Finally Ben (Levi Fiehler) and Kate (Meredith Garretson) aren't the most unnecessary characters on the show (this is not to critique the performances in the past, just the use of the characters). Up until this season, any time the show has focused on their story, it's been tedium, making me scream "get back to Harry!" But now that they are intricately tied to the plot, their abductions not just causing them grief, but also being used by Harry for his own devices, these two characters have real purpose beyond just being the parents of the kid who can see through alien disguises. I'm happy they now have purpose.

(1 Bad): Speaking of the kid-who-can-see-through-alien-disguises, Max (Judah Prehn) sort of gets the short shrift this season, with his best friend Sahar (Gracelyn Awad Rinke) leaves town in the first episode (she does come back in the last episode) and Max is left to mostly his own devices. The childish sparring that Harry gets into with Max is never tiresome, and it's sorely missed this season Max's journey finds him picking up a thread from the prior series as the new Alien Hunter, which seems an absurd thing for a pre-teen (teen?) to take on, especially alone.  Sahar is dearly missed

Meta: It's true, I've spent nearly four months wondering when Resident Alien will return with the rest of its third season, especially since the second season was broken into two disparate parts of 8 episodes each with a large gap in between. You can understand my confusion. 

While being an hour long sci-fi show, it's still largely a comedy. It's more of a comedy than The Bear, that's for sure. Like Letterkenny or Parks and Recreation it's a show that has built up a whole town of supporting characters that recur every so often, and I think shows like this are so inviting, because it feels like a community. When we're at the diner, there's Asta's dad or if we're at D'arcy's bar we're bound to run into party girl Judy or at the clinic where grumpy nurse Ellen works, or even seeing Buck's beloved French bulldog Cletus.  It's all part of the fabric that just seems to sprawl outside of the town with the real Harry Vaderspiegel's estranged wife and daughter, or Harry's alien child, or the regular members of Linda Hamilton's black ops squad. This season even gives Harry a bird-alien girlfriend (their bizarre mating habits put on uncomfortable display).  I love the expansive cast, it's always a joy to see characters return (there's a surprise reappearance or two this season). I also love the continued inclusiveness of Native America culture as a prominent part of the show's experience, and it seems to be tying some of the cosmic nature of the show into spirituality, which was genuinely unexpected, but impactful. 

Ready for more.

ReWatch: Terminator: Genisys

2015, Alan Taylor (Roadside Picnic) -- Netflix

Oh, no colon. Meh; leaving it there. This is the "upgraded" terminator; maybe he has a colon. Maybe an entire digestive system.

Also, wait-what? They made an American adaptation of the Russian novel "Roadside Picnic" ?!?! Ohhh, it was an unreleased pilot from AMC. Damn. I wish there was still a way to see unreleased pilots like back in the VHS days. And the rogue YouTube channel has been taken down.

NOTE: "Roadside Picnic" is a parallel story to "Annihilation" in that its something alien come to earth, and its presence causes Earth-based normalities to change.

The first post.

So, why did I ReWatch? Because it was there, and I was in the mood for some dumb fun while washing dishes and making lunch. I also recall enjoying it much more than I wrote I did, and I am not sure that I have rewatched it since I saw it in the cinema.

Verdict? I probably enjoyed it more than I did the first time round. In isolation, it fills a lot of the cravings that the Terminator movies do for me, and I think its the odd-ducks of the franchise that I enjoy more now instead of the establishing flicks (the first three) that made the name. But I always enjoy fucking with the establishment.

Also, I am beginning to think I enjoy movies more with repeated rewatches, in that whatever inspires me to see it again, also inspires me to only really pay attention to the bits I like, and dismiss the other stuff.

Yeah, that ain't happening with "Rebel Moon - Part One: A Child of Fire - Director's Cut". I am picking the Snyderisms apart majorly.

A movie like this is best watched out of context, as part of the legacy that is The Terminator but without the baggage accompanying fandom. At least half the movie is fan-service, which equally annoys and delights the fandom. I would have counted myself in the fandom in the 90s, back when you could enjoy something without being smothered by toxic reaction. 

I enjoyed all the little ways they played with the reflections of the previous movies: the return of a liquid metal terminator, the recreation of the "give me your clothes" scene, the "come with me if you want to live" flip-flop, even the quick scene of Kyle Reese checking his shoe size. I think it was the toxic reaction to this within the franchise whole that tanked it, which is a shame for it would have been nice to eventually find out who sent Pops back to save Sarah.

I could write more, probably an entire post, just about the drama around this whole franchise, especially the "failed movies", this as Terminator: Salvation, but something about peeling back the onion on troubled franchises always depresses me. What was lost? What could have become should the Purple Suits had just stayed the fuck out of it? What could have become if fans just let people enjoy things even if they didn't? At least, as time passes, I am fully able to enjoy something on its own, even with all my own baggage intact.

What? No comment about how you realllly like Emilia Clarke as Sarah Connor? Yeah, probably best to let the creeping lie with that one comment.

Deadpool and Wolverine

 2024, d. Shawn Levy - in theatre

[warning: light spoilers ahead]

I have come out of every viewing of a Deadpool movie feeling entertained, but also fucking exhausted. "The merc with a mouth" moniker certainly fits Ryan Reynolds' translation of the character from comics to live action, but I don't know why people telling him to shut the fuck up isn't a running gag in this series.

Actually I do know why... because this is Reynold's ego-driven spotlight, and he can't leave 20 second of dead silence without either making a quip or violating someone's privates with a sword, bullet or fist. It's all centered around him being funny.

Deadpool, however, is like The Fonze or Steve Urkel, he's the pop-in comic relief character that isn't really fully fleshed out and then becomes so popular they start to dominate the media they're in, and it lessens their impact or exhausts people's enthusiasm for them altogether. In other words, he's a low-dose character. I've met people who are like Wade Wilson (I'm mean quippy chatterboxes, not violent psychopaths) in real life, and they can be fun to be around, but they also suck all the oxygen out of the room, and you tend to want limit your time with them. Two hours is definitely too much.

There's a reason I don't rewatch Deadpool movies, I get exhausted just thinking about it.

This film is a buddy cop road movie, if the "cop" is replaced with "superheroes" (or, really, ultraviolent anti-heroes) and "road" is replaced with "multiverse". A buddy superhero multiverse movie (speaking of exhausting). Deadpool pairs up with a Wolverine -- "the worst Wolverine" apparently -- in an effort to save his timeline from being pruned by a rogue TVA (Time Variance Authority) agent.  

Truth, it's a lot of comic book gobblety gook that I personally enjoy but I suspect the general public has tired of and ceased caring to invest in. 

The TVA hails from the two-season Loki Disney+ series, but I think the film does a decent enough job of reintroducing it that it's just connective threads but not an essential binding agent. You needn't have watched Loki to get it (but it does help).   

The film introduces the idea of an "anchor character" to each timeline (not too dissimilar to the Spider-verse's  "anchor events" methinks). In Deadpool's reality, it's Wolverine, who died in 2018's Logan. So, metatextually (and Deadpool movies are all over the metatext, which is partly fun and also partly exhausting), with Logan's death, the Fox X-Men universe needs to be pruned from the sacred time, or so deems Mr. Paradox (Succession's Matthew McFadden, doing a lot with very little, and a real highlight), said rogue TVA agent.

So Deadpool travels the multiverse to find a new Wolverine to anchor his world and finds this drunken loser Wolverine who lost his X-Men family because he thought he was too cool for (Xavier's) school (for gifted children). But Paradox isn't going to let the buffoon and the lush just get in his way, and he sends them to the void at the end of time.

There they bicker and argue and run into a plethora of familiar, and almost-familiar faces, good and bad. There's a Mad Max vibe to the void and their version of Immortan Joe, who rules the space from within Ant Man's giant skeleton, is Cassandra Nova (an effective Emma Corrin), Charles Xavier's very evil twin.  Our titular duo barely escape her clutches and have a road adventure in the void where they encounter a variety of individuals who help them on their journey.  While the void seems much more expansive and ecologically diverse than I ever would have anticipated, it provides a pretty classic 80's fantasy adventure local for a fantasy adventure to happen. If only it didn't take 40 minutes to get there, and then, after maybe an hour of infighting and action scenes they're back on Deadpool's world where the stakes get raised again.

The usual schtick of a buddy comedy is the buddys don't like each other to start. They're an odd couple. They have different personalities. Wade Wilson won't shut the fuck up, and Logan doesn't really want to talk. Wilson is sort of a happy-go-lucky kind of guy (except, when the movie starts he's actually quite depressed by his state in life) while Logan is a raging alcoholic (the amount someone with the superpower of regenerative healing would have to drink in order to get drunk boggles the mind, but then Logan does chug a full 26oz bottle of whiskey and doesn't die, so there's that).  Both men are at low points in their lives, but Wade finds the purpose he's been missing, saving the world, and is trying to give that purpose to Logan, a hero who has given up.

The film is riddled with continuity issues, but when the main character of the film isn't taking things seriously, we can't really either. But that is part of my problem with Deadpool, he's not serious, and you can't take him seriously. So when they try to introduce pathos (and Reynolds is actually quite good at delivering pathos) and emotional connection, it just doesn't work for me, primarily because it's overridden by all the jokes about blowjobs and violence to nutsacks. It's the same reason I can't watch Kevin Smith movies anymore, the men have grown up but the humour is still aimed at 12-year-olds. You see a guy get hit in the taint with an adamantium-covered femur once, and yeah, it elicits an "oof", by the 5th time you're pretty numb to the trauma, and by the 10th time you're quite over it.  Yet it keeps going.

The action sequences in this are pretty tedious and lacking artistry. I could watch The Bride take on the Crazy 88s in Kill Bill a hundred times over. I was bored with every fight in this Deadpool movie within 30 seconds of one beginning. When it's Deadpool alone, or Deadpool and Wolverine fighting a bunch of faceless bad guys, there's no stakes and no excitement. These are two guys who pretty much cannot be killed, so there's no investment in them getting injured, and the goons are nobodies, which almost makes it worse the traumas inflicted upon them.  But then there's a few fights between Deadpool and Wolverine and, again, two guys who pretty much cannot be killed, and they're just inflicting pain but with no threat, which is the point, but it's far less potent than the words they could use to hurt one another. The violence is gratuitous, yet unaffecting in its excess. 

My other problem with Deadpool, and particularly Reynold's Deadpool, is that the meta-jokes really, really, really suck me out of the movie. Breaking the fourth wall and talking directly to the camera is one thing, making jokes about Hugh Jackman, or Ryan Reynolds, or Blake Lively, or Marvel Studios or 20th Century Fox...yeah, they can be funny, but they destroy the very fabric of immersion into the film, the character, the story, the universe that is set up...at any expense (the film, the character, the story, the universe...we'll get back to that).

This poster gives the most accurate
impression of Deadpool's humour...
it's bumper-sticker comedy

The "universe" in question, is not actually the MCU. While it does nod towards including Deadpool in the MCU, this film is really about the end of the films of 20th Century Fox, and specifically the X-Men films. The speculation of what cameos would appear before the film came out had pretty much every major actor in Hollywood involved (Tom Cruise as Iron Man, for instance, who does not appear in the film) and every Marvel character that ever appeared on screen (or was rumoured to appear) would be involved. That the team here limited themselves to primarily the Fox characters, and even then were pretty judicious in their selection, I actually have to tip my hat to them. This could have been a non-stop cameo-fest (which is what I was bracing for) and it really wasn't. They really tried to not rest just on 'member-berries and make this a fast-paced, entertaining movie with story and character, and succeeded... well, somewhat. 

As a comic book fan, and a fan of comic book movies (yes, even still), I think with 45% less Deadpool I would love this movie (same with the two prior Deadpool movies). As it stands, I enjoyed a lot of it, but I doubt I could watch it again any time soon.  As a swan-song for 20th Century Fox, it's satisfying. Especially if it means this is the end of Deadpool and he's not being incorporated into the MCU (but, given its box-office receipts, that's highly unlikely, at least if he's incorporated into one of the planned upcoming Avengers films, he will be the Urkel he always should have been).

The Dark Year: Annihilation

2018, Alex Garland (Civil War) -- Netflix

Because we never have enough projects in this Blog, I am creating one of my own, wherein I indulge my desire to rewatch a movie (because sometimes a rewatch is easier than absorbing a new movie) but also fill in a blank left by the Great Hiatus of 2018. It will be more interesting to me to see what I will be willing to rewatch, than see what I missed writing about.

Its safe to say we, as in Kent and I, like Alex Garland. And yet, as I began to rewatch this for the first time since it came out, I realized I almost never rewatch his movies, or TV for that matter, even though his body of directorial work is tiny. To be honest, even if I include his writing, his full collection of work is not that large. And yet, the emotional impact of what he creates has left a vast impression on me. And I bethinks I am generally uncomfortable with revisiting that emotional reaction. Except Dredd -- I will continue to watch the shit out of that movie.

I recall being on the fence about this movie. In the theoretical world of Toast (me, not the bread), there is a nebulous genre that is just perfect, a weird cross-over of scifi and horror, odd but contemplative and something different. This was that, in fact coming from the renowned Southern Cross book series by Jeff VanderMeer, one of the seminal books of the "new weird" sub-genre. And yet, I cannot get into the books, having made at least three attempts to read. And I recall appreciating this movie more than ... enjoying it. And I came out of this second viewing pretty much affirming that opinion.

Can you consider yourself as finding something perfect, yet never actually having truly been exposed to it?

We start with the "tell us what happened" interrogation scene common enough in movies -- Lena (Natalie Portman, Black Swan) is in the chair, Lomax (Benedict Wong, 3 Body Problem) is in a containment suit, asking the questions, surrounded by a wall of others also in suits, just listening. She is the lone survivor of something. Cut to a meteor hitting... well not so much as hitting, as coming to a halt beside a lighthouse on the coast.

Lena is a biology professor who knows cells. She also knows grief, as its been a year since her husband went on a mission and never returned. And yet, as she finally settles on acceptance enough to repaint their bedroom, he appears behind her. He's confused, he's off, he's acting ... alien. He doesn't know where he was or even how he got there. And then they're in an ambulance, and he is bleeding out. And then they are stopped by the men in the black helicopters.

Lena is introduced to Southern Cross, a facility on the edge of something they call The Shimmer, not very creative but that's what it looks like, as if a section of a swamp on the east coast was encased in a shimmering oily bubble. Its what struck the lighthouse and over the years its been expanding. They have sent drones in, equipment in, people in but nothing ever comes back. Until Lena's husband Kane (Oscar Isaac, Moon Knight). And his body is breaking down.

So, Dr. Ventress (Jennifer Jason Leigh, Possessor) is going in. If male soldiers couldn't do the job, then maybe female specialists could? Anya (Gina Rodriguez, Awake) is an EMT, Josie (Tessa Thompson, Westworld) is a physicist, Sheppard (Tuva Novotny, The Abyss) is a geomorphologist, Lena is a biologist and Ventress is a psychologist. Its a rare choice in scifi to dominate the screen with women, with zero hint of sexualizing anything. Its refreshing, but also its not really called out beyond the obvious. Once inside their gender is not at play, at all.

Once inside, shit gets real weird, and for me, it played out well, but disappointingly... not weird enough? This is a slow-take movie, it takes its time, let's us absorb that something beyond comprehension is happening here. To make the moment hit home, right after they step through the barrier, we see Lena crawl out of a tent, somewhat confused. So are the others. They don't remember anything after pass through the shimmer. But their rations show they have been there at least three days. Gulp.

Inside shit is real weird. Light bends and refracts and ...shimmers. Swamps are already places teeming with life, but here the green is supplemented by bright colours, molds and vines and flowers all growing and mutating all over the place --- multiple species growing on the same plant. A doubling of things. Its definitely showing us something about growth, about constant mutation. Like the giant albino gator that jump-scares Anya, but cold-blooded Lena shoots down before it can eat anyone, its mouth a fractal spiral of teeth, sort of like a shark but... not. Like the bear that eats Sheppard, and then returns mimicking her dying screams like a terrible lyrebird. Like the body of the soldier found in a swimming pool, a member of Kane's mission team, which has burst, spread, grown, reached ... out. 

But for me, the movie fell apart as it reached its climax. It went beyond the weird, and entered the entirely alien. As Lena and Ventress went further in, closer to the lighthouse, as the other women were ended, one by one, the movie embraces the otherness of the region they are in, the absolute alien nature. There are brief glimpses of something, someone that has come here, that wishes to double us, but there is little attempt at explanation. The ending of the movie plays out like Lost on hallucinogenics. 

And sure, it played out as all Garland movies play out, left me rung out emotionally, struck dumb by the experience. But in this movie, the climax was not ... satisfying. The journey weighed more than the destination. I was left wanting.

Wait what? Kent didn't write about it?

3 Short Paragraphs (Or Not): My Spy: The Eternal City

2024, Peter Segel (Ken Jeong Made Me Do It) -- Amazon

Wow, that sucked.

You would think the original writing & directing team could do something at least interesting again with the characters they established in the last movie. Instead, they squander a greater budget with a "European Vacation". I am not saying they made box office magic with the first movie but at least they made use of the precocious interaction between giant Dave Bautista and tiny little Chloe Coleman. Here, they decide to mine the tiresome conflict between (step) father and teen daughter.

No disrespect to a Dad raising a young teen; Kent is doing it admirably !

Some years later JJ (Dave Bautista, Guardians of the Galazy) is now married to Sophie's mom (Lara Babalola, The Island). First mistake -- they changed the actor, and have the character entirely absent but for a phone call and a wrap-up shot. JJ has taken on a more advisory role in his TLA agency, because he wants to be there for Sophie. When Sophie's choir is invited to sing in Vienna, JJ comes along as chaperone. Insert all the cliche rambunctious teens and losing control over them. Of course, he gets embroiled in some farcical villain plot, this time to Blow Up the Vatican, and he has to get Sophie's well-trained help to foil the plot. 

Wasted, all wasted. The relatively streamlined plot of the last movie is replaced by hijinks galore, cartoon villains and the cringe of teen love triangles. Fuck, they even waste Flula Borg as a moustache twirling villain -- he's just not weird enough, and really... he's all muscled up? Ken Jeong, who is always weird but should be used in small doses in movies like this, is turned up to 11 and paired up with Schaal. And they even go down a dark path by killing one of JJ's coworkers. Like, dead dead. Isn't this a family friendly comedy? The fact they shoot the movie in lovely Venice and Rome is ... shrug... useless? Maybe they wanted to be compared to recent spy movies and their European romps, but... why? Probably just to distract us from how lazy everything is about this movie. But at least JJ makes scones.

3 Short Paragraphs (Or Not): My Spy

2020, Peter Segal (Get Smart) -- Amazon

I knew Kent had seen this movie, but TBH I recall him being more favourable. We only ended up watching this because we saw the trailer for the second, and it got a few chuckles out of us.  

JJ (Dave Bautista, Bladerunner 2049) is a spy, but not the subtle kind. It's almost as if the elevator pitch was just, "Imagine you have a spy, but it's Dave Bautista." There is nothing subtle about Bautista. Anyway, the character is the kind that usually ends up killing all the henchmen during an operation, and that pisses his boss (Ken Jeong, Avengers: Endgame) off. As punishment, he is assigned a babysitting mission, watching over the relatives of a arms dealer who hid the plans for a nuclear weapon before he was murdered, by his own brother. Nine year old Sophie (Chloe Coleman, Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves) catches onto their game almost immediately, and blackmails JJ, and his tech Bobbi (Kristen Schaal, All Nighter), into ... well, being her friend. They all become fast friends, with JJ attracted to Sophie's mom. But that doesn't sit too well with his boss, who tries to pull him off the mission, until the evil uncle shows up, and we get to have a final boss battle.

In these kinds of movie, i.e. the incredibly light, accessible, action comedy, the actual plot is hand-wavey thin. The "meat" of the movie comes in the charming centre, where JJ and Sophie bond via hijinx. I was kind of surprised that Bautista pulled it off, but it worked for me and elicited more than a few chuckles, that is, when I wasn't playing "spot Toronto". He balances well against Coleman. But as usual, Schaal just irritated the fuck out of me in every scene she was in. 

Yeah yeah, sure, you still are capable of not-saying-much and actually doing 3 relatively short paragraphs. And no this one doesn't count.

3 Short Paragraphs (Or Not): Horizon: An American Saga - Chapter 1

2024, Kevin Costner (Dances With Wolves) -- download

So, one paragraph per hour of the movie?

Kevin Costner returns with another western, a long, confusing return to glorifying how American expanded its western frontier, confusing because it is a three hour setup piece not told so much as a plot, but as a series of vignettes following a handful of characters, that we assume will lead them all to the coming town of Horizon, which exists only as a poster promising land, and a lot of graves.

And yet, despite the snark, I was fully invested all the way through, and through all the stories of all the characters.

All of Costner's previous directorial endeavours have been westerns: Dances With Wolves, The Postman, Open Range and now the Horizon saga. Not sure why I am surprised I own all four. He is obviously attracted to the lone gunman, the solitary figure, haunted, exhibiting a skill at killing, but tenuously holding onto a moral code. That could describe half my D&D characters.

His character, Hayes Ellison (Kevin Costner, Waterworld), is just one of many "main characters" in this ensemble piece. We meet Ellison as just another cowpoke leading a caravan into a mining town in the mountains of Wyoming. Alas he gets mixed up in the defense of a local prostitute, and guns down a violent member of a violent family. Now they are on the run.

But I get ahead of myself. All the stories begin with the not-yet town of Horizon. Its merely a place on a river in the San Pedro Valley, near the Mexican border in present day Arizona. The fledgling town, really just a collection of tents and structures under construction is destroyed by Apache, leaving only and handful of survivors to be brought under the protection of nearby Camp Gallant. Frances Kittridge (Sienna Miller, The Lost City of Z) and her daughter Elizabeth (Georgia MacPhail, debut) are a pair of those survivors, rescued from a collapsed escape tunnel, after their house burned above them, killing her husband and son. They become the dears of Camp Gallant, and especially Lt. Trent Gephart (Sam Worthington, Avatar).

Meanwhile, a wagon train on the Santa Fe Trail is making its way to Horizon, led by Mathew Van Weyden (Luke Wilson, 3:10 to Yuma), dealing with the harsh trail, wagon repairs, lack of water, and the foolhardiness of its less than prepared members. There are also some Kittridge's on the wagons. 

Meanwhile, Pionsenay (Owen Crow Shoe, Barkskins) fights with his tribe over the raids he made on Horizon. He needs the white man to pay for their interloping, especially since it has diminished the hunting so terribly, they are at odds with neighbouring tribes. But his elders believe its a war they cannot win, and merely move higher into the hills to hide.

Meanwhile, a group of Horizon survivors have banded together to hunt down and scalp Apache. They don't really care much whether its the ones who attacked them or any Indian they happen to come across.

And back to Ellison's story. It begins when camp woman Lucy (Jena Malone, Nocturnal Animals) shoots a man and escapes with her son Sam. He survives and sets his own sons to find her, kill her, and take back his son. It was Sam that prostitute Marigold (Abbey Lee, Mad Max: Fury Road) was protecting from the the Sykes boys, when Ellison had to kill one of them.

All these stories, all these characters. We are only expected to focus on a handful, but there are so many names and faces. Given the time of the movie, and the number of parts, Costner takes his time with these stories. There are times when it felt like there hadn't been any dialogue for more than ten minutes, and he lets the movie breathe. Of course, the vistas are breath taking and we are allowed to soak them in. This would have done so well on the biggest of screens. I think that most people will find the vastnss confusing, especially since the story telling is not as tangibly apparent. There are things happening, people they are happening to, but is there a point? Not really, as its three hours of setup.  I mean, we don't even have the town yet.

The movie ends with a massive flash-forward montage, scenes from the next movie. I would have likely been going out to see it, but alas, its been pulled from any initial cinema release potential.

Of course, I liked what I watched. Again, I repeat, despite being three hours, I did not feel the passage of time. Admittedly, I rarely watch movies in one sitting anymore, especially the This Guy movies (those I watch absent of Marmy), as I do them as time allows. But still, I did not feel the weight of the hours, and I do so even with movies I like, such as Furiosa. But I can see why people saw this as a collected, edited mini-series instead of a singular film.