3 Short Paragraphs (Or Not): Normal

2025,  Ben Wheatley (Kill List) -- download

Once again, I am struck that I should get around to watching Kill List. In fact, I didn't even know I was watching a Wheately movie until the credits rolled.

I did not have Bob Odenkirk as Action Hero on my movie bingo card. He comes along once again with Derek Kostad to write & produce an ultra-violent action flick starring an aging, unlikely protagonist. This time he's Ulysses Richardson (Bob Odenkirk, Better Call Saul), a sheriff-for-hire, come to Normal, Wisconsin Minnesota (once again, Winnipeg) to temporarily fill the role until the elections happen -- the previous sheriff froze to death. That aspect of Old West Meets Modern American Policing still weirds me out -- they do not have to be trained police officers, just win an election. Anywayz, Normal is ... well, normal. Mostly; some small town weird. Ulysses comes to this job with his own shaky past, seeking to escape something. But he's a likeable, nice guy, happy to do this job and then move on.

Then he's nice to the wrong person, a likeable bank robber who, along with her boyfriend, must be in desperate straits to resort to such drastic measures. Things don't go well and an alarm is sounded, one the sheriff's office has hidden behind some junk because, well, that alarm would never dare go off. Ulysses goes into the bank to talk the couple down when... his own deputies begin opening fire with automatic weapons, and the new sheriff is just as much a target as the rest of the people in the bank. There is something in there that nobody should see, let alone an interim sheriff.

You see, the movie opened with the punishment of two Yakuza thugs, and if we paid attention, we will see that they are standing guard in the bank. It doesn't take much to get that likely the Yakuza has some holdings in the bank, enough that if its revealed, everyone must die. This is where the movie bleeds quickly into the lunatic fringe, more a farce of comedic-action than any reality we could accept. But that's OK, as it kind of works. Ulysses ends up working with the bank robbers against ... the whole town. Pretty much everyone in town made a deal with a Yakuza oyabun to stand guard over a vast fortune in gold, cash and weapons hidden away in a small Minnesota bank vault. Its weird, unrealistic but in the context of the movie, it kind of works.

So, outside, a snow storm rages (a terribly depicted spray-on snow storm) which has knocked out communication lines (in)conveniently leaving Ulysses and the couple, Lori (Reena Jolly, Meet Me Under the Mistletoe) and Keith (Brendan Fletcher, Violent Night), having to fight it out with the well-armed townsfolk all night. Meanwhile, the robbery alarm has gone all the way to Japan so the oyabun and his crew are one their way. What was expected to end in a massive bloodbath actually gets interrupted by a ... stalemate and awkward agreement between Ulysses and the townsfolk he hasn't killed yet, to stand up against the Yakuza. If the oyabun and his visiting crew all die, then no one can report the town's failure and they can resume standing guard over the fortune. 

Yah, its all a bit weird thin stretch but somehow Wheatley sells it. It doesn't hurt that Odenkirk comes across as likeable and capable, and since he has killed the mayor pretty much immediately, the surviving townsfolk are sort of lacking leadership. Except he doesn't stay and the movie doesn't sell the idea he would accept the killing in defense of so many many townsfolk. I know, I know, in these movies, the Protagonist slaughters dozens of NPCs in a matter-of-fact manner, but since the establishment of Ulysses character (his shaky past) involved him killing someone that needed killing, that a mass slaughter (in self-defense, of course) would get him past that is ... a weird spin. And that they actually let him leave with the knowledge of what is going on in Normal. So, not normal.

But, I do like my quirky violent romps.

I should mention. There is a side-character side-plot, wherein Alex (Jess McLeod, Teenage Sex and Death at Camp Miasma), the adult child of the late-sheriff is trans / non-binary. Its a toss away acknowledgement, where Ulysses apologizes for misgendering them and then immediately finds an ally in his bloodbath, given they had been advising their father against the agreement the town had, and that is what got the late sheriff killed. I really liked that they made gender a part of the character, but moved quickly past it. Yes, it does feel like an insertion, but its the acknowledgement of normality in an otherwise abnormal Normal. And they use a tender scene of acknowledgement and acceptance as the exposition dump, Alex filling in Ulysses on what the what is in Normal.

3 Short Paragraphs (Or Not): Love Hurts

2025, Jonathan Eusebio (stunt guy; The Fall Guy) -- download

Spoiler. I am going to forgive the fuck out of this movie. Well, mostly.

When I wrote about Everything Everywhere All at Once, I commented on Key Huy Quan range in playing a couple of different universe's versions of Waymond. I absolutely, unabashedly loved him in that movie, and while I remain unfamiliar with his work after The Goonies (hint: there's not that much), a fan was made. And just like his being in Loki S2 was a little on the nose (another multiverse show; consequentially, I wrote about the aforementioned movie with a notation [MV1] as if I intended on revisiting many other multiverse properties, but never did), his role in American Born Chinese was a little on the nose for Quan's acting experience, as a stereotyped Asian American -- after being the "iconic" Short Round, how could he not be. So, how to follow these up? Some money, I assume, via a middling effort comedy action thriller playing up on his range as well as his (realistically, non-existent) stereotypical connection to Asian martial arts genre.

But still, I really enjoyed him in this. I also feel it should have, could have been, more.

Marvin Gable (Ke Huy Quan, Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom) is a real estate agent who believes his own hype -- fully and completely. He treats each client with care, telling them, very sincerely, that he is providing them their forever home. His staff and coworkers love him, as he takes just as much care with them, and his boss Cliff (Sean Astin, The Goonies) truly sees Marvin as not just his greatest earner, but a brother.

Except, Marvin has a brother, a man by the name of "Knuckles" (Daniel Wu, Into the Badlands) and years ago Marvin, who was a very very different man then, was tasked with dealing with a lawyer who betrayed them, one Rose Carlisle (Ariana DeBose, Kraven the Hunter). Except, Marvin was in love with her. She disappeared, and Marvin left his employ with his brother, as feared enforcer, to start a different life.

Except, years later, Rose has returned, and it unleashes a chain of events that unravel Marvin's new successful life, and with tragic consequences, until he has to face his past. 

There is a lot of fun to be had in this violent movie obsessed with Valentine's Day. There are colourful characters, such as poetry quoting killer Raven (Mustafa Shakir, Cowboy Bebop), who catches the eye of Marvin's cynical, depressed assistant Ashley (Lio Tipton, Warm Bodies), and a bond is formed. Except, the movie has stylistic choices that slide the spectrum. Shot in Winnipeg, that provides it a small, low-key gangster culture feel, which worked so well in Nobody (which has thematic connections to this movie as well), but it also wants to slide into a slick, almost nouveau Hong Kong martial arts flick feel, but that doesn't work as well.

Middling. That's my word of late for these decent attempt, not 100% successful, kind of movies.

Of note, if you click the "Winnipeg tag" you only get two movies (well, now three after I click Publish), but if you search Winnipeg, you get many more. And most of them are Hallmarkies. Nothing to be said about it, just wanted to note it.

T&K's XMas (2023) Advent Calendar: Day 9 - Under the Christmas Sky

2023,  Séan Geraughty (Follow Me to Daisy Hills) -- download

The Draw: Primarily because my friend Mukey sent me a list of Hallmarkies shot in Winnipeg, but also, kinda, more so, because it stars Jessica Parker Kennedy -- swoooooon.

HERstory: Kat (Jessica Parker Kennedy, Black Sails) is an astro-physicist and was an astronaut in training until a car accident left her with a permanent eye anomaly, basically a blind spot. In fact, its pretty much the same eye anomaly I had that led to my surgery and eventually, after the latest surgery didn't "take", mostly blind in that eye. So, let me say, I sympathize with her, her frustrations and the taking-used-to it requires. Now, mine didn't end a career in the making but...

Anywayz, she's taken a leave of absence from work while she deals with the getting-used-to and the emotional impact, but still wants to keep busy, so she takes her friend's advice and volunteers (takes a job?) at the local planetarium, as a consultant. She is immediately tasked with assisting David (Ryan Paevey, General Hospital), the current curator to help incorporate Xmas into the coming exhibition on The Sun. Her specialty is The Sun. She's also from a family of Xmas experts. David is More Science, Less Fun! Initially he's gruff at this interloper, but Kat immediately bonds with his wheelchair-bound daughter, which warms him up a bit.

Side-Story! Kat's brother Andy (Andrew Bushell, Salvation) is jobless, again (family rolls eyes), and tags along with Kat when she visits the planetarium and ends up volunteering to help the girl who runs the cafe with her Xmas Events, but with ulterior motives in mind. I have a feeling the cafe was supposed to be a gift shop but was late rebranded.

Kat's family loves Xmas. Much of the movie bounces back and forth between Kat and David doing the "walking around to get to know one another, and her family's living room where Mom is constantly baking cookies, and her Dad is trying to sneak the un-iced ones from the tin -- a man after my own heart, as we share the love of un-iced sugar cookies.

The Walking Around begins and David invites Kat out for an actual date... curling. Curling? Did they think they are in Canada or something?!? And its a double-date so Andy and Cafe Girl get to come and look all googley eyes at each. 

Peanut Gallery, yells from the kitchen. "No career in space? Have babies instead !!" Yeah, the encouragement from family and best friend for Kat to embrace her current opportunity (boy opportunity not job opportunity) is kind of annoying, but on point for Hallmarkies.

Time for a planning montage. And then the Tree Decorating Event for the kids, the event that they were planning and Andy volunteered to help with, so he could cozy up to Cafe Girl. But a mean boy bullies David's daughter Lilah, and when Kat tucks her aside to check on her bruised feelings, David loses his shit. Only HE can soothe his daughter. Kat is really hurt. Lilah seemed OK but David overreacts.

Back at the Kat Family place we sit around and discuss David being a stupid head while having even more burgers and shakes from the Winkie's place. Makes me wonder if the catering came from a local Winnipeg place and there was so much on set, they just incorporated it into the movie. And David shows up to apologize and explain how over protective he is with Lilah. Forgiven!

The two end up going to an Xmas Event at the NSP (National Spacey Program) and all of Kat's coworkers express how much they miss her, but there is a coworker in a wheelchair which gives Lilah a lot of inspiration, and is quite the sweet scene.

Back to Kat's place for a pancake breakfast because.... ? 

And now its time for another Xmas Event at the planetarium, this time we get the Santa Tracking so it must be Xmas Eve! And Kat is there is her best Red.... Pant Suit? I am not, in theory, against pant suits, but I want my Red Dress. Post Sexy Kiss, a Boss from the Monarch Space Centre (what they do when they aren't tracking MUTOs) Kat is offered a new job in another city ... at another space agency. I didn't really understand this bit. In theory, there was nothing stopping her from going back to her original job at the NSP after her leave of absence is over. Its not like she was supposed to become an astronaut, right? Whatever, they need some misunderstanding and conflict and a possibility the two will be separated.

Its now Xmas Day and Kat invites David & Lilah over for Xmas Dinner to set the record straight as to her career aspirations which were.... NSP or just be a co-curator at the planetarium? Who knows, its not like the latter job would pay much but at least she could be doing non-stop smoochies with David.  So everything is fine, and the do a sweet, low-key kiss and will likely live happily after.

The Formulae: Xmas Events galore. One for the kids to decorate trees with homemade space related ornaments, one for snooty science types to stand around and congratulate each other for being science type people, and a final one to track Santa. There are tons and tons and TONS of Xmas Cookies. And trees -- OMG, how many frickin' trees does Kat's family have? There is hot chocolate the Santa Tracker, and well tree decorating. There is an opportunity presented which could lead to the growing couple breaking up, which of course, is abandoned cuz careers don't matter. 

Unformulae: Kat is not given a choice between her career and her adherence to PST life, as her dream job was taken away by a medical issue -- well, initially. The random job offer at ANOTHER space agency was probably because they realize the first was not going to meet trope. The PST is not really that small to begin with. Also, Kat's pant suit, while being sexy AF, is not a red dress. 

True Calling? I suppose any sky at Xmas is a Christmas Sky? But it would have been nice if they mentioned a Northern Star. But Hallmarkies do their best to separate themselves from Christian Christmas and stick with Santa Xmas.

The Rewind: When we first are introduced to the NSP, the logo is so obviously Photoshopped onto the Winnipeg building I couldn't help by pause and double-check --- man, that drop shadow is sharp. Secondly, we just had to count trees --- sooo many trees at Kat's place, at least 10. 

The Regulars: Surprisingly, Kennedy has not done any before; weird, as she seems perfect for the genre. But Paevey is a standard in these movies, enough so to be on both the "we like him the most" and the "we like him the least" lists of Hallmark fans. Her brother Andrew Bushell has done a couple, as has Kat's best friend Sarah Luby. And it looks like her mom Candace Smith is an emerging regular. But beyond that, not much. I need to see more movies so that have All of the Above regulars.

How does it Hallmark? It was, from memory, pretty ... standard in its trope choices, but more than a bit bland.

How does it movie? I am already late in posting this, and while sitting in my local pub, getting my take out, I am struggling to write it up from memory, needing to depend on my note-taking to finish the post. That means, it didn't connect with me at all, neither from the Hallmarkie view, nor from the "generic Xmas movie" view. So, not memorable, not endearing despite my swoony attitude.

How Does It Snow? Its Winnipeg so there should have been some memorable snow scenes! Alas, it almost entirely takes place indoors, in the planetarium or in Kat's family living room. Given David's daughter is wheelchair-bound, there are not likely to be any snowball scenes, or sledding (actually, strangely these are rare enough to not even be a trope, but that is explainable by the fact that you need REAL snow for these, and many of these movies are shot in .... JULY) or anything real snow related. Boo.

n Paragraphs: Nobody

 2021, Ilya Naishuller (Hardcore Henry) -- download

So, here I am about three weeks later, two of which were weeks of lying on the sofa or in bed fighting fevers, body aches, fatigue and a cough, two weeks of not being allowed outside. While social media is full of people having booked their vaccine, I left my social media feed empty of my own news -- having tested positive for COVID19. And showing symptoms. I didn't need to drive that sort of viewership. But I need to write about it, so here it is as I relate some of my viewing habits while on the sofa. Some, not all.

There hasn't been a lot of New Content being absorbed by me when the only thing to do was to absorb content. My brain hasn't allowed for much of an absorption factor. TONS of rewatching has been going on, but easy stuff, best-loved stuff, stuff I won't be writing about. But I knew this action flick, which I runs down the lane of John Wick with Bob Odenkirk was coming soon, and would be generally easily absorbed. And I was pretty much correct.

"There’s a long-dormant piece of me now awake that wants so very badly to play this out...."

Its a line that stood out for me, in the teaser, from earlier this year. Odenkirk's character Hutch is relating it to a bad guy. He's more talkative than Wick but they both share ultra-violent pasts which they tried to bury. And both of them are driven to pull that person they once were out for another spin. At least Hutch doesn't see his dog killed, but they do threaten his family, the family he obviously has built a life for, even if that life has begun to suffer the doldrums of suburban mediocrity. His kids don't respect him, his wife sleeps with a pillow barrier between them and he does the same boring bus commute every single day. And every week, he pretty much forgets to take the garbage out. Then some barely capable burglars attempt to rob his house, getting nothing but they draw his ire... almost. Just when he seems capable of exploding, he pulls back and his son takes a punch. The last straw for Hutch's family. And for Hutch.

Hutch is not only a man suppressing a violent past, but also a man suppressing a very violent now. Its coiled up inside him and he is very adept at keeping the lion at bay. When he lets it go, his wrath is visited upon some Russian gangsters who blunder onto the bus Hutch is riding. Some bone crushing moments later, most of the gangsters are unconscious and one is dying, despite Hutch's effort to assist. He went too far. He assaulted the wrong Russian gangsters. We know where this goes next.

There are some beauties of ultra-violence in this movie, but there are also some very farcical scenes. While this movie is not the stylish ballet of bullets and death that John Wick was, it does have its own sense of working man style. Being shot in Winnipeg really helped out here, as this looks like no movie you have scene, like no city we are familiar with. I see a grand role for the Peg to play in future thrillers. Unfortunately, the tenuous grip the movie has on style is entirely dropped in the third act, much as Hutch himself drops any pretense of having been a mere suburban working man. The movie degrades into a body count mirrored in 80s muscle bound action flicks, making as little sense as they did. But for the level of focus I had at the time, it was a perfect choice, somewhat fever driven, somewhat easy to digest but with a lot of impact.