3 Short Paragraphs (Or Not): The Baker

2022, Jonathan Sobol (The Art of the Steal) -- Netflix

The second in the Darius Films Cayman Island production movies available on Netflix. I really hope that all the films produced in the deal are about older men of violence hiding out on the islands. Except, this one doesn't even try to be set on the islands, unless they are pretending the nameless skyline depicted is not Miami? But maybe the deal is just about pumping money into the island economy by making movies there, and not so much about being set there. 

Anywayz, Peter (Joel David Moore, Avatar) is picking up someone at the airport when he witnesses an altercation between two groups of Bad Guys, something concerning a small pink satchel. The two end up killing each other, and initially Peter starts to call 911 but, of course, he picks up the pink bag instead. At home, he tries to do right by his adolescent daughter, who he has a contentious relationship with, but that doesn't go well. So, he drops her with his estranged father, a retired absentee dad who runs a small bakery. Pappi (Ron Perlman, Hellboy) doesn't like the idea but Peter doesn't give him much of a choice. Buuuut Peter's plans go awry, as is the way of stupid people who try to con the Bad Guys. They kill Peter, but not before he alerts his dad. Delphi, the granddaughter swapped out the contents of the pink bag for her own junk -- the Bad Guys want it back.

This is not a very good movie, but it was leaps & bounds above the last one. Sure, its pretty much the same plot, of a retired dangerous man, at odds with his adult kid, getting tied to a grandchild he has no connection to, but being forced out of "retirement" to take care of things. But this one had some style, a tone about it, and it has Perlman being his usual huge, scary self. I won't deny this is sort of my schtick, but I won't call it a Man with Guns (or guns tag) category movie, as its not really about the guns. They don't try to do the barely thought through ex-government assassin gimmick of the Nick Cage movie, just show a man who is used to violence, but very aware he's been out of the game for a while.

The weird thing, in this being one of the Darius deal movies, is the shared actors. In the Cage movie, Perlman was the supporting, oafish thug who dies too soon, and here he is the titular baker. His son Peter, played by Joel David Moore was the double-crossing government agent in the Cage movie, and is probably wearing the same suit in both. And there are a few other lesser know faces re-used here. Its an odd, but interesting dynamic.

And there was one other small, not fully explored aspect of the movie that made me respect the director more than I expected. The primary Bad Guy, played by Elias Koteas (Exotica), is the typical second-ringer in a criminal organization, but Koteas plays him rather fatigued, not completely invested in what he is forced to do, not all that surprised when he dies at the hands of Pappi, for killing his son. It could have been in the script, or it could have just been Koteas exploring his character's motivations, but he wasn't phoning it in.

What about the baking?!?!

And no, the baking is not really any part of the movie. We do get a Hallmarkie level opening sequence but you can see that Perlman only learned just enough about baking to shoot the scene. Once again, the baking shots are all afterthoughts, illogical and there is no way a single man could do all that, without any employees.