2023, Christopher McQuarrie (Edge of Tomorrow) -- cinema
Thanks to the major amount of brain fog being suffered the day of, and not really the two-shot bourbon sour (man, do I enjoy VIP viewing; comfy seats and "table service" is how I only ever want to see movies now) but I didn't and don't really have much to say about the movie. It was ... alright.
I was not as annoyed about it as much as I found myself being about the other ones, which was solidified by a recent undocumented backwards (in reverse order) rewatch. So many thing about them just bug me, primarily being the fact that the IMF and/or Ethan Hunt (Tom Cruise, Young Guns) keep on getting disavowed each and every movie! And not in the manner that they are warned about in the self-destructing "tapes" that kick off many adventures, but in the way that the US government decides they are too-rogue this time. But, of course, they do end up Saving the World, so all is forgiven. Until the next movie.
But did anything really stick with me? Kinda sorta maybe? How do I communicate that it made no emotional impact on me at all, and throughout the entire movie I was pretty much evenly engaged but nothing impressed me. It was a blockbuster movie, full of spectacle and pretty people. That is all.
OK, that annoys me in retrospect. At least in the previous movies, there were scenes of spectacle that are more than memorable. The swirling around inside the really stupid stupid data centre from Rogue Nation - as a computer reference, its dumb, but it looked really cool. And the destruction of The Kremlin from Ghost Protocol was wow-ing even if it was really just another instance of Tom Cruise Running; major level destruction is always impressive (though really disappointed we have not at least done a passing reference to the re-building of the Kremlin in following movies).
So, in this movie, we are supposed to be wow-ed by the train-wreck (*cough* and *snort*) and by the mountain motorcycle jump. But to be honest, I did it better while playing Uncharted 2: Among Thieves. I say I because it was me holding the controller. I will have to rewatch The Movie to see if Nathan Drake did some train-hopping (better or worse?) in that movie (speaking of non-memorable movies). But to be honest the whole "vehicle hanging off the edge" was done better in 2012. This was by-the-numbers only. And the jump? Well, once you have watched the impressive BTS (not the band) footage, the actual shot is boring. The actual stunt is fucking incredible and ... wow, does it severely diminishes what Hunt does.
The central MacGuffin of this movie is an AI, another quantum computer cast in brass, that ... goes rogue? I honestly cannot remember whether the computer went rogue or the US Govt introduced something to make it go rogue, but there it is, a Bad Guy AI that Ethan is tasked with finding ... before any other world government finds it. The mildly interesting idea here is that the US Govt is not necessarily the Good Guy in this movie, so Ethan and team are more about neutralizing this AI than claiming it for the Good Ol US of A. Like most MacGuffin AIs of late, its one of the types that can "control any network, any system".
Nathan re-enlists Ilsa (does it seem weird referring to them by first name, like they are friends? Rebecca Ferguson, Silo) who is on the run from a number of people (weird bit of unexpected continuity) as she intercepted half of a Key that is used to unlock the MacGuffin. They make some point about how the key can be verified by matching it with its make, making it do the slide & clicky thing, and then the red lights go green. Couldn't anyone just hire Adam Savage to make a fake key-pair prop that could convince someone they have the key(s) ? That way, Hunt can take the one half of the key he has and let the Bad Guys run around with the Fake Key(s) until they locate the actual AI. Alas no, best to find the other half of the Key.
The Meeting of the Key is probably my favourite sequence, taking place in an airport where IMF Recruit (I mean, why else is she in the movie?) Grace the Thief (Hayley Atwell, Christopher Robin) is making a deal. Nine thousand pick pocket deceptions, and one nuclear fakeout later, Ethan and Grace are making googly eyes at each other; but can you blame him? Her, I expect better taste.
The airport sequence leads to a super-charged Fiat car-chase in Rome which leads to a fancy dance club (sans John Wick) where all the pretty people are pulled together in a single room: Ethan, Ilsa, Grace, returning Bad Guy White Widow (Vanessa Kirby, About Time) and new Henchperson Paris (saying it that way makes me want to see a bunch of shorts called "The Further Adventures of Henchperson Paris" directed by Luc Besson; Pom Klementieff, Old Boy) -- briefly. This scene leads to what should be the most annoying bit of the movie, the fridge-ing of Ilsa, but I had already heard about it through a spoiler, and honestly, we cannot have TWO women competing for the affections of Ethan Hunt. That would just be (more) unseemly than 30sumthin ladies being chased after by 60suthin Hunt. So yeah, someone's gotta die. I am more rolling my eyes than annoyed at this point.
The Death of Ilsa barely phases Hunt and they are off chasing the Orient Express (sans Hercule Poirot) before White Widow does her deal with the Key(s). Ethan misses the train, so has to do the Jump Bike Off Mountain stunt, but (hand-wavey) whatever, land on train via parachute (yawn). Fight Bad Guys, train go boom, and Ethan and Grace end up doing the climbing-through stunt as the train crashes all around them. Wait, is THIS the Big Destruction bit of the movie? The fact they just fucked the Orient Express and one of its world famous routes? Maaaaybe?
So, train saved (not really), and Ethan is off to find the MacGuffin AI before anyone else does.
And Grace is officially subbing for Ilsa. And they have a NEW new recruit -- Henchperson Paris, who is all Ethan-Didn't-Bonk-Me-on-the-Head-With-a-Pipe-So-I'm-Reformed-Now which I am entirely fine with. And... the movie ends. Oh yeah, two-parter thingy. I didn't actually forget this time, like I did with Spider-Verse.
So, they have the key(s). So, why not just toss them/it into a volcano and be done with it. The MacGuffin AI can sit in the bottom of the ocean and no other world Govt can make use of it. Is it just because its still somehow active, doing Arch Villainy stuff via some sort of uplink? So, then, just kill that. Like, bomb the fuck out of the submerged... sub. By now, I have lost the thread of what the IMF is doing beyond getting from point A to B and doing things along the way, and always with the running.
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