3 Short Paragraphs (Or Not): Black Adam

2022, Jaume Collet-Serra (Run All Night) -- download

I saw the director's name, and assumed this was one of those situations where Hollywood took a rather well known European director and assigned him a blockbuster. But then I looked back at his repertoire and was reminded that most of his stuff as been the B-movie thriller stuff I usually enjoy, nothing high falootin' at all.

That said, I did not enjoy this movie. 

Sure, I went so far as to download a 4K copy and it was spectacular in its colours and visuals, even not on the Big Screen, but I kept wondering what the point of the movie was. Its part of one of the n-th versions of the DC Cinematic Universe, connected in one form or another to the most recent movies, yet divesting itself enough to leave us wondering just why Superman or Wonder Woman haven't shown up to deal with a demi-god level powered being slaughtering folks in.... the Middle East? As to why Amanda Waller sends a black second-grade Batman (Hawk Man; I know he's more than that, but in this movie he seems to be a rich guy with lots of toys, and only one real teammate) to deal with a brown-skinned super man -- there's an ire generating tweet in there somewhere.

Khandaq-not-Wakanda in ancient times has a kid rebelling against a mad king who is stripping the country of its valuable metal eternium-not-vibranium, until the Council of Wizards gives the kid SHAZAM powers and he kills the mad king. Fast forward to now and Khandaq is definitely not Wakanda, having been exploited for its metal (though we never see what they do with it) by many invading forces, this most recent time being Intergang. Adrianna and her brave band of freedom fighters are trying to find the Crown of Sabbac, an eternium forged crown worn by the mad king, supposedly containing demons, so they can... oh, I don't remember. But they fuck up and wake up Teth-Adam. Does "teth" mean black? Who knows, but it might as well. In a rollicking, high body count battle, Adam floats around zapping soldiers to death with lightning, but saves Adrianna so she can escape with the crown. This first fight is spectacular, all not-super Superman style action of invulnerability, flying and glorious mass destruction, if you like your super men slaughtering dozens. It ends when he gets blown up by an eternium missile. Ooo, he has a not-kryptonite weakness? Nevermind, as they pretty much forget that for the rest of the movie.

Teth-Adam wakes up The Justice Society (well, two of them) at the behest of Amanda Waller (?!?!) and two subs: Cyclone and Atom Smasher. None of this made any sense to me, and I even have a passing knowledge of these characters. A supe with Superman level of power has awoken, and I would understand if they were sending in a B-grade team for recon and intel, but nope, Carter Hall / Hawkman decides to try to beat the shit out of this new SuperVillain, bringing along two junior superheroes and Dr. Fate, who keeps on taking off his fucking helmet, so we can see his face. Hall just growls and threatens his way through the entire movie getting his ass regularly kicked, despite him having his own standard-level super strength. The rest quip and smirk: Dr. Fate is old and full of wisdom and magic, Atom Smasher just inherited the suit and the powers, and Cyclone is young, but seems solid enough and has the most glorious not-Starfire purple hair. Despite good efforts, and tons and TONS of collateral damage and (not depicted) deaths of hundreds (with the destruction they cause, it could not be avoided) they barely scratch Adam. Call the Justice League? Not yet.

The thing is, if they had just left him alone, he probably would have floated away. He wasn't interested in being Khandaq's resident superhero, despite his growing affection for Adrianna's enthusiastic son Amon. He seems non-plussed about all the technology despite learning it is 5000 years later and just glowers his way through most scenes, seemingly forgetting doors exist as he slowly, almost gently, continually smashes through Adrianna & Amon's apartment walls. They are not getting their damage deposit back. I did chuckle when the movie finally acknowledges that bit. But still, if Hall had just stopped beating his spinny mace on Adam's head for a moment, things might have ended sooner than they did. But all this battle is McGuffiny for the real stakes are the Crown of Sabbac, which the leader of Intergang wants so he can resurrect/summon/transform into a demon-king of Khandaq. Call the Justice League? Nope. We now have a CGI villain reject from Diablo III game to fight.

So, why didn't this movie work when pretty much all the Marvel movies do. Bias? Somewhat. Familiarity? Eventually. But they all, even the worst of them, have a digestible structure and work with us to build bonds to the characters. This is supposed to be the anti-hero movie, and purposely skips building any bonds to any character other than The Rock. But despite some lame attempts at justification (he was fighting evil), he is just not a likeable character. Even the middling production in Samaritan did a better job connecting us to a villain than this movie does. It all just ends up feeling... so empty.

Hopefully, now that James Gunn has some control over the cinematic aspects of the DC universe, we will see improvement on the screen, for I can unabashedly say that his movie, The Suicide Squad is the best thing in the DC cinematic universe and it does an incredible job of making us like/enjoy anti-heroes. I am not saying the same tone should have applied to this movie, but... there should have been something, anything, to make us actually like Teth-Adam beyond who is playing him?

Kent's post - we agree.