Rewatch: WFH: Lara Croft: Tomb Raider

 2001, Simon West (Con Air) -- Netflix

The Jolie versions of this video game franchise adaptation are not very good, and really meant only for the 14 year old boys who played the original games and were somewhat fixated with the "bumpers". Both the remake game, and the movie of such, were slightly better, in that Lara is better dressed, and more realistic. That said, I should rewatch the Vikander one, and post my thoughts. I believe the original post was lost in the Great Deleting.

The plot of the first Jolie movie is a weird one. Lara Croft, daughter of a famous, wealthy archeologist who disappeared years ago, is left with her toys, and a large estate staffed by two, just two. She is a dilettante, known for "tomb raiding", i.e. not even as noble as Indiana Jones was, but likely for profit with little care for the artifacts or the cultures. But she is our not quite likeable protagonist.

The plot is also ludicrous. Her father tasked her with protecting a great secret, involving The Illuminati and a celestial convergence that happens once every 5000 years. Given her father asked her to Not Let It Happen, she does everything but stop it from happening. While its not really her fault she let The Illuminati know she had a key component, which they promptly steal, but given a chance at actually stopping it, during a fight in Cambodia with magical statues, she completes the ritual instead. Why? No real reason but that she wants to see what would happen. And prove she is smarter than them. And she pretty much destroys this hidden tomb temple in the progress.

Think about it; if she just let the ritual fail there, they would have to wait 5000 years. Alas, a tomb raider has to raid, so off she goes joining the Illuminati and their betrayer on a journey to the top of Russia where an ancient city has the last tomb to raid, a city not unlike the pyramid under the Antarctic ice in Alien vs Predator. This time she almost seems ready to end the ritual, but instead completes it YET AGAIN, allowing her to turn back time, and save her Daniel Craig, her ex-BF also betrayer. After that she beats up The Bad Guy and saves the world. Finally. And we even get one more shower-thoughts bouncing bumpers scene to end off the movie. 14 year old boys.

Why did I watch this again? Admittedly, I really wanted to see if it was as bad as I vaguely remembered, and I was remembering correctly, and also... *blush* ... my inner 14 year old boy.

One final amusing note. Jolie, an American, does a terrible British accent. And Daniel Craig, a Brit, puts on a even more terrible American accent. Not sure why.